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This video is great! so Artistic! I really enjoyed it!
I love this trailer… I love seeing the diffent women, and phrases that are so very true.
Love the website and the trailer!!!!!!! Congratulations again!!!
You’re Awesome!
This is why it is so important to cultivate our little girls with the right images. When I was growing up there wasn’t anyone around that I could look up to or model myself after. I had to overcome my own personal obstacles to become my own role model.
All I can say now is, “Si Puedes”. If I did it, there is no reason why you can’t do it too.
Rosie…this is awesome. So impressive. I can’t wait for the book!
What a beautiful trailer! Rosie, I can’t begin to explain how excited I am about reading this book. I think it will be tremendously impactful for Latina women and many, many others.
I am very excited about your book and I loved the video. This is also a perfect birthday, Christmas or just because gift for my friends too!!
Very Cool!!! I should take blog lessons from you.
Good Luck and much success
Jon
“I am beautiful because I represent a myriad of rich cultures, and I am able to see, feel, smell and almost touch the true essence of my heritage every time I see my reflection.”
this statement is so powerful and gorgeous. thanks rosie for posting this one!
i can only imagine what reading this book will do for younger latinas, but i know that even those of us who participated in the book itself got something out of it too. i can’t wait to see the final product!
Best of luck with the release of the book!
It was great fun answering all the insightful questions, some required more time to answer and in doing so gave me a chance to analyze and reflect upon myself and in how being raised as an American-Latina has shaped my life.
I truly thank you for letting me play a small role in this book and I can’t wait to read the final product, I know it will truly be an amazing experience!
Rock on, sister! Can’t wait to buy a signed copy.:-)
Hey Rosie great to see this blog up and running, and it’s great to see my beautiful friend and artist Marisol Diaz pictured within the trailer. Stephanie thank you for your reflections. I can definitely connect with your experiences. I’m excited to read the book, and feel proud to have been a participant. I wonder Rosie if you are planning to organize a reading with multiple voices. It would be a cool celebration.
I meant what i said then and i will always mean it, the popular opinion of what is pretty is dominated by fake everything, “work with what your momma gave you” I know that sounds bad, but anyone who has lived in the LKN area knows that FAKE beauty is what dominates, I am just looking for real, I could keep going but it may take all night, be proud of who you are, period, PS, love you Rose, I inherited your family too, mmmm, pastalios
Thanks, Brenda and Krysia, for your good thoughts and encouragement! Brenda, I am hoping to hit cities that had significant numbers of participants in the interview/survey process come September. I’ve been thinking about doing panels, but hadn’ t thought about doing a “group read.” Very interesting possibility!
All the best, Rosie
That, Ladies and Gentleman, is exactly why every woman should have a Cousin Danny. Love you, D.
Zulma, thanks so much for participating in the research. I am so glad that it was a useful exercise for you! If you weren’t able to participate in the research for the book, but are interested in what questions the interview and survey consisted of, you can find all the questions in the Appendix of the book. I encourage you to flip there when you get the book (hint!) and answer the questions for yourselves. Many women e-mailed me after participating in the research to say how useful reflecting on these issues had been for them. I felt the same way, too!
Wow!! such a cool video. I am going to add the book to my list of gifts for my friends.
I love the trailer, the cover of the book and the song used for the trailer. The whole time I kept thinking about my daughter, how beautiful she is, and how surprise she is when people tell her that. I can’t wait to get the book for her to read.
thanks, Rosie, for this beautiful “mother’s day” gift.
As an educator, I like to provide “mirrors” and “windows” for my students to see the world. I teach in schools where 50% to 60% of students are Latino and there are just not enough mirrors!
There’s not enough people in government, the media, or even in literature that students can look at and say, I can relate. That’s like my mom, that’s like my dad, I can see myself doing that!
Thanks for this book! I’m looking forward to reading it!!
I love that I was able to be a part of the creation of this book and cannot wait for it to come out. I’m looking forwatrd to reading it and have let my friends know about the book, as well. Great job Rosie!!
Goosebumps!
Humanity will finally hear the strong voice of a unified Latina community spreading the true meaning of beauty. I thank you for your strength and commitment to helping us all glow!
I am so overwhelmingly inspired and touched by this project and can not wait to have my very own copy to treasure. Thank you Rosie for having the courage and commitment to tell our stories. Stephanie, your expressions were electrifying and I think you should consider writing a book yourself. Hope this comments gets me into the book give away contest!! Mis Mujeres Stay proud,beatuiful, and powerful!
Danny where were you 12 years ago, before I got married? Thank You for reminding us that not all woman should be that butter knife and still be desired!!!
i can’t wait to read this–the video is beautiful.
This might be one way that I can connect, but I am reminded of Ugly Betty.
Does this show accurately portray the struggles of a young hispanic woman? Betty Suarez seems to have a very light complection. Many issues within the show touch upon some od the issues above: applicable role models, definitions of beauty, minority presence. Simply look at the title, “Ugly Betty.” Although adapted from a telemundo show, is this the only way that we can introduce a young hispanic female to large, critical audiences?
I must admit that I enjoy the show, but how many cultural truths are sacrificed for stereotypes?
Thanks for the posts and I wish you well,
Michelle
The video is amazing, great pictures. I love the one with the young mother and her baby on the bus. All Latinas are beautiful and its great to finally have one book that shows the complexity, struggle and belleza de nuestra gente.
Great job Rosie.
I can’t wait to get my hands on this book! It’s definately a book that I am going to make room in my schedule of diaper changes, housecleaning and feeding children to read! Let the revolution begin!
Rosie!!!! I really enjoyed your video it was beautiful and very moving.
Hello beautiful ladies,
I also wanted to take a moment to thank Rosie for posting my profile! I was immediately excited when I received the email asking us to participate, both with the book and now with the website. Thank you to those that responded it makes me so happy my comments touch others, I have always considered writing a memoirs type of book ha ha, however I am not a professional write and feel I have many more roads to travel to give complete insight. I hope to one day dedicate myself to do it though.
Congradulations Rosie I am one PROUD latina and can’t wait to get a copy ofthe book for all my girls, younger cousins and sister!
Keep up the positive actionsmujeres!
Steffy
I would like to know if there are any events scheduled for the san francisco area?
I very much am interested in promoting your book to my audience here in Northern California. We issue a twice monthly newsletter and launching our social network and online lifestyle guide later this year!
Gracias for bringing the Latina experience to light!
Michelle Olvera
Michelle,
Thanks so much for your interest and support! I’ve been on your web-site many times, and you are doing great things. This summer, we’re concentrating on booking the South. I’ll start flying to destinations come September, and I would LOVE to go to Northern California. I have a tour packet that I have been sending to colleges and community centers that I know about or that people have suggested to me. If you have any suggestions for places to reach out to in San Fransisco (or elsewhere), let me know. As we dive into more booking, I’ll keep you updated on what we have planned.
Con un abrazo fuerte, Rosie
I Loved the trailer! awesome-NESS!!!! Girl I will be at the bookstore on June 1st. Does it come out that day Nationwide? Great Job Rosie!!!!
Hi Rosie girl,
I know that this will date your old aunt, but I have to say it: “I am Woman, Hear me Roar.” (And, of course, almost anything by Joni Mitchell. I’ll keep thinking on it.) Since the boys gave me an IPOD for my birthday, I will use your playlist!
I love your website and I love you, ab
I love all those songs! I love empowering songs, and I think Mary J Blige has some great songs especially, “Good Woman Down” and “Gonna Breakthrough”, the entire CD is empowering! Girlie!!! go gettem!!!
I loved all the songs you mentioned and have them on my iPod.
I thought I had heard of it! Now I know where I saw it at. Yay!!!! Congrats girlie!!! Much Power!
Congrats again. See you on the 8th.
An old roommate and I once made a similar playlist. We called it ELECTRIC ESTROGEN!!! I definitely recommend Jill Scott’s song “One is the Magic Number” on her first album. Also “Travelin” by Joni Mitchell (gotta agree with the previous commentator), “I Use to Love Him” by Lauryn Hill (true testimonial about what was lost being found, mainly recognition of ourselves as Queens), Alicia Key’s “This Woman’s Worth,” Brenda
The cover is beautiful, the trailer is touching and YOU are amazing! Congratulations – I can’t wait to have my own copy.
This trailer is very beautiful! I am so proud to be a part of this book. I can’t wait to read it!!! Si se puede!
You go girl! Love your positivity and strength. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Thank you so much Rosie!!! It is a super geat honor! yay!!! I look forward to reading Hijas Americanas!!!
I just got the magazine today, and I was so happy to see your book 🙂 Congratulations!
okay, forgive the corniness. But, Melinda Doolittle on American Idol this year sang a great one. Don’t know the name or artist but it talked about all the one hundred and one things we women can do at one time. “I’m a woman, W-O-M-A-N!” I enjoyed both times she put it out there.
These are great suggestions! Sometime soon I am hitting the ITunes music store and putting together the list. Hmmm, maybe I can figure out how to make the playlist available on Itunes and then you could just go pick it up there. If not, I’ll list the songs on the blog so you can make it for yourself if you like. I’ll let you know when it is done.
By the way, Electric Estrogen is a fabulous title to a mix and Melinda Doolittle rocks– not corny at all bringing her into the mix (in fact, I think I am going to put her version on the mix). Talk about a powerful woman!
Congratulations! You are DEFINITELY a m’ija to meet. And, interestingly enough, I echo your every sentiment as a gay Black female. Right down to the light skin. 🙂 It’s been wonderful watching your evolution into the woman you are today.
I just LOVE the idea of an I Can Rescue Me playlist (and also loved the Electric Estrogen title). I guess I would have to go with “Respect” by Aretha Franklin, and “Unwritten” and “Single” by Natasha Beddingfield. I can’t wait to see the whole playlist put together. It’s hard to find empowering songs out there, because most of them call for someone to rescue women. Well, I say NO MORE! Time for the world to know that we can rescue ourselves!!
It was great talking to you – when you were doing interviews for the book. I learned so much about myself, discussing with you the perception of beauty as seen by ourselves and as seen by others.
Thank you so much
that is an excellent point you made there Rosie!
Yay! I know some of the girls in there! Cnograts Rosie! My best wishes! Thank you for your encouraging words. The experiences you describe in your book. I made me feel whole, that i do belong. THANK YOU!
I know a similar kind of feeling! Many Congrats! yay!
when u make it to Los Angeles, CA (i live near Gardena), let me know so I can go! yippie!
Rosie, That’s so cool! I can’t wait to see your book on the local shelves here in Asheville!!
Any idea what time the interview will be on so we can listen online?
Great question! The interview will be on around 8:30 am EST and can be heard on http://www.power98fm.com.
look it how beautiful we all are! *smile*
Rosie: Please accept our condolensces on the pass of your abuelita, I know how special they are and how you may be feeling. One day we all have to go the same route and I do believe we will see each other again. These trial is one more conquest we all latinos have to endure when we have our families far away. We hope the nice memories and the love she gave to you and your famlily give you all the strenghth to keep going. Extend our sympathy to all your family.- Maria
Hi Rosie,
I bought one of your signed copies at the Birkdale B&N on Sunday. As of yesterday, they were sold out in the ‘Women’s Studies’ section and only had three left on the ‘local author’ table. They said they have placed another order!!
I’m on chapter 4…..it’s very emotional for me since I lost my mom. She was Italian and we were extremely close.
We met a few months ago at your writing workshop.
Best wishes!
Ciao
Congratulations Rosie!
I just started reading your book…I can’t put it down! I work in a high school in Arlington VA and with young Latinas through a program we named Latinas Leading Tomorrow. I purchased 6 of your books to share with them in our first ever Latina POWER conference on June 2nd! The information in it is so vital! I think as Latinas we are under such pressures to be “perfect” in every way (however perfection means conforming to others perceptions) that is no wonder why our teens girs and our women in general have the highest incidence of depression and anxiety disorders! Keep up the great work and let us know when you will be in the DC area signing and discussing your book! I’m so Proud of you!
Gracias!
Madeline La Salle, LCSW
Arlington,VA
Rosie will you be coming to Miami?
I do want to make it to Miami and Florida in general. Right now, I am thinking that will happen in the fall— sometime between September and November. I’ll keep you posted!
This is somewhat the epitomy of my life. The Semi-Epitomy. My mom doesnt pray for a husband, she just prays for grandchildren. I pray that I get my grad degree and if all goes well, kick major ass in society. She cant stand my need to help. She’s more of a help yourself and let others scrath themselves on their own. Yeah…thats not gonna work. Thanks for sharing!
Simply beautiful……It brought tears of pride to my eyes. You are finally allowing yourself to shine. I love you. D
A good friend of ours just went through an ordeal with breast cancer. The incidence of breast cancer has increased to 1 in 8 women, with 4,000 new cases weekly.
You might ask, could there be a preventive measure which is safe, cheap and widely available that has been overlooked?
The answer is YES , and it’s the essential mineral, Iodine , which was added to table salt in 1924 as part of a national program to prevent Goiter. It turns out that this same Iodine in table salt is the key to breast cancer prevention as proposed by the following list of prestigious doctors: Guy Abraham, MD, Robert Derry MD PHD, David Brownstein MD, George Flechas MD, Donald Miller, M.D.
Dr. B.A. Eskin published 80 papers over 30 years researching iodine and breast cancer, and he reports that iodine deficiency causes breast cancer and thyroid cancer in humans and animals. Iodine deficiency is also known to cause a pre-cancerous condition called fibrocystic breast disease.
Ghent published a paper in 1993 which showed iodine supplementation works quite well to reverse and resolve fibrocystic changes of the breast, and this is again the subject of a current clinical study.
Despite its obvious potential, not much has been done with Iodine treatment over the past 40 years in the United States. Since iodine isn’t patentable and is therefore unlikely to be profitable to market, there is no money to fund studies for “FDA approval”. However, FDA approval is not required since Iodine is already an additive to table salt at the supermarket.
For more information see my newsletter:
http://jeffreydach.com/2007/05/05/jeffreydachdrdachiodine.aspx
Jeffrey Dach MD
http://www.drdach.com
Rosie, I think that’s a great idea. I think many other Latinas would enjoy an open forum of that nature and benefit immensely from it! Maybe a weekly topic of discussion to begin with, and see how it grows from there.
Lisa
You are LIFE and SPIRIT. I love your chi. I am blessed to have you in my life. Chica Magnifica! Love, T
I agree sounds like a great forum.
Awww – muchas gracias!
Congrats girlie!
Great picture, Rosie. I think you should share your mud-wrestling singlet story in full with all of your readers instead of teasing them like that.
All I have to say is AMADA…that’s my cousin…beautiful she is indeed another reason to be truly happy to be Latina but more important truly BLESSED to be her cousin and her friend…Beautifully said cuz! Y TU?
Aww que linda! Your mother is very proud of the independent , intelligent and beautiful latina woman you have become. We are all very proud of you!!!
This a great article by none other than a great lady. It accomplishes itself in providing a sense of understanding in what is inherent in all latinos, our culture. Amada, what a great name.
HAHA lovin’ the quote! Querida Amada…I would think of no other Latina who can represent us like you can. You’re truly an inspiration and a role model to me as well as others. Love ya! =)
Amada is a beautiful name and I can understand your frustration at having it mispronounced. I mean people called me MELA-GROSS! I mean really! Now I’m so proud of being Milagros…it makes me well ME!
Amada, well suited name for a very strong independent woman. I am proud to call you my big sis. You the picture perfect latina, standing tall and taking over the world. Your brother and I are very proud of you. Sigue pa’ lanate!
I love the Beach
No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard
that’s me ready for a holiday, 1 day back at work and ready to go again
Travel News Today
I just picked up your book at the Happy Bookseller this morning, and I’m already halfway through it.
I like Chapter 10 (Raising Our Voices). Under the sub-heading “A Call To Action” – starting on page 276…
“There is an old saying that tells us we are only as strong as our weakest link,…”
Depends how much of the “page passage” they want you to read, but I love everything from that part up through the end of the chapter!
Thanks for putting my picture up there! It was great once again to meet you. Hope all is well!
the one that i like is about having children. i dont remember what chapter or page it was. But I like that because majority of Latina women will experience that at one point or another. at leats i hear it all the time and see my mom get all mushy when she passes a baby’s section and starts her gibberish. gurr!
I am proud of you and all of your accomplishments. May GOD continue to bless you and guide you. Your light shines bright. I love you, my sister.
This is beautiful, I am very proud of you. And remember I do love you.
We don’t say it often enough
Just how much we truly care,
About how much we mean to each other
And that is really unfair.
You are one of my older sisters
And I’ve always looked up to you;
Your wit, talent and success
And everything that you do.
You found and will married a wonderful man,
Managed to work and raise your son,
You are to be commended
’cause not all of your trials have been joys.
A few years ago you decided
To further your education,
And on your forty-first birthday this year
You earned your masters, with a distinction.
So congratulations on your achievement
And I just want you to know,
That I am so very proud of my sister
And I love you so!
I will always be here for you.
Angela
You continue to inspire and empower many. Thank you for being a GREAT remodel. Love ya sis
Maribel, you are such a role model. You are so kind, smart, sincere and beautiful and I couldn’t ask for a better sister-in-law! I am so proud of all your accomplishments and your future is only getting brighter! Just remember, Joe and I are always here for you! Welcome (officially) to the family! We love you!
I just ordered 5 copies because I am so proud of you! Wow! I plan to share it with many, especially my teacher-friends & latina-friends in Dallas! Thank you Rosie for always being such an iinspiration to us all!
You’re the coolest M’ija I know! 🙂
Alexis,
I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments. You are a beautiful person with so many gifts to share with all the people that are blessed to have you touch their lives. Thanks for being a part of my life. You make it a better place every day. You are an inspiration to women young and old. I love you!
Christine
Mija, You are a mija. I love you and I am so proud of all your accomplishments. And yes mija the sky is the limit and your just getting started, I know you will do greater things because you are a go- getter and someday you will run the show because that is what you are meant to do. Dios siempre estuvo contigo para todos tus logros y estara para lo que viene. Thank -you for the acknowlegement. I give the great one all the credit. keep up the good work and never settle for less. Que Dios te bendiga siempre..Tu madre
I’m so proud of the woman you have become. I remember when we were ninas you used to follow my every step. Now you have found a path of your own and have blossomed into a wonderful person with a bright road ahead. I miss you so much and I hope we can live closer to each other soon. I love you! ~Suleika
Alexis, you are a beautiful young woman. You’ll always be my little girl because I have seen grow from a beautiful little girl to a still beautiful inside and out young woman. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I am so proud of you. I am glad that God is such an important person in your life because with Him, all is possible! I love you lots!
That’s the way it is! As an author, I always get that question around two weeks after a book is published … and then it goes on and on … And I really feel like saying “I don´t know and I don´t care!”. It´s not that I don´t care, but I really do let go now. When my first book was out, 14 years ago, I used to race into every bookstore to see if it was there and if there were a lot of copies or not … and call the publisher to see what the sales were like. Now I just submit my manuscript, get my author copies in the mail, do my best to promote it, but basically sit back and relax, while I write my next one.
Why a book sells a lot or a little is still a mystery to me. However, your book already has a following, for sure!
🙂
This Boriquena deserves to be highlighted. One of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met.
I love Christina.
I’m 46 and old enough to be her dad, but I respect and admire this woman.
She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s sensible. She’s cool and lucky for me- she’s my friend.
I really appreciate the opportunity I had to find this web site. This is actually the first article I saw, and for a frist impression, Im very very happy and pleased to be here, reading and commenting. I am a latina, born in Chile and I have lived in the states for over 7 years. Im gonna be coming in often to check your blog! <3
Thanks so much for your good thoughts! I look forward to hearing your comments along the way!
All the best, Rosie
Is it so startling or tragic when you consider the possibility that Latin cultures place more emphasis on family values rather than on typical American consumerism. I think Latin family values are a beautiful thing.
Thanks for your comment! I think that every Latino loves the emphasis placed on family values in our community. It’s a great source of pride and comfort. But as a former educator who sat alongside many students in the hospital after they gave birth, who bought plenty of car seats as gifts, who stood in dingy school bathrooms helping a girl administer a pregnancy test, I would say that the part that floors me about the statistic is the implications they create for the young women and their children. Too often, these girls aren’t able to finish high school, can’t pursue higher education, are trapped below the poverty line, face health challenges, and suffer in innumberable and calculable ways. They are set up to be vulnerable at a young age and sometimes, too many times, that vulnerability is never transcended. The level of poverty and violence that Latina women face is an injustice and whiel its an injustice that is complicated, it is worth the fight. I also know that while a sixteen year old can step up to the plate and be a great parent, it means that she has to make grave sacrifices and exhibit stark maturity. Not every 16 year old is able to do that and when those choices aren’t made, the new life growing within is made even more fragile and so is the life of that 16 year old. As an educator and an activist, I feel a responisbility to act when one suffers, while one is made malleable, vulnerable, or disproportionately bares the burden of a situation. But I also feel a responsibility as an educator, activist, mentor, and writer to not just be reactive, but also proactive. Families are a beautiful thing, and I am not much of a consumer. But I will always be a champion for justice, self-awareness, empowerment, and self-actualization, and I take seriously our responsibility to educate our youth so that they may create the life they most imagine for themselves.
I would like to know more about thisworkshop. We have a large group here in Austin and believe it’s an international group, Las Comadres. We could probably get a good number of women to attend a workshop like this. Is there a website?
Hi Maria! I am a member of Las Comadres, too! These workshops are courses that I can give around the country. For example, I am traveling to Nashville, College Park, Maryland, Warren, New Jersey, Fredonia, New York among other places this fall to give workshops. I am actually going to be a part of the Latino Book and Family Festival in Houston on September 30th. There, I will be giving a reading at 4 pm in Suite E of the Convention Center. I know it’s a bit of a drive from Austin but maybe you can make it. Otherwise, feel free to e-mail me at latinabookproject@adelphia.net and we can talk more about these workshops!
All the best, Rosie
Girl!! You’re gorgeous!! I’d kill for your hair! LOL
That’s my Suez!!! You go girlie!
Hi Rossie is Emmanuel. I’m really proud of you. Take care.
Congratulations Rosie on all of your wonderful accomplishments -especially the success of your first book! Sonia informed us about the Today Show on Friday and we can’t wait to watch you “shine.”
I’ll be watching! I’ve always looked up to Daisy Fuentes. I like to hear her speak, she’s smart and funny and doesn’t take herself too seriously. And she looks better than ever on the cover of Fitness, how does she do it?
Yay Rockie! You go, girl! I loved your responses… very close to my heart!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told you that you always write a piece of art all the time!!! Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
Thank you for all the encouragement and support! And Thank you to Rosie for allowing me to express my TRUE Latina ways! Im glad you all enjoyed my answers! Whippie!
YAY ROCKIE!! Thats our BONITA!!! 🙂
There u go girl! I knew u could write but wow. That made me proud of being ur friend and being blessed u crossed my path in this lifetime….
You are truly amazing!!! You’re the best Supergirl….Wait, I mean SUPERMUJER!!!
Querida hija:
Me siento tan orgullosa de ti. Ser “Latina” es una bendicion de Dios, somos la mezcla de dos grandes culturas, la raza indigena pura y la Catellana.
Te quiero mucho.
Luz M. Michel
OMG Raquel, low-key you made my eyes water….. That was wonderful, I loved it. And I miss you.
Why I am beautiful: Because I love with passion. I’m honest and caring and loyal.
LOVE THAT ANSWER!!! u rock chica!! 🙂
I’m so proud to know you!!
Wow Raquel, this is sooo great!! When you speak from the heart, you actually touch all of us … great job chica! (Hugs)
P.S. Rosie, you picked a great latina – keep doing your thing!
I once ran in a 5K that was affiliated with Girls on the Run. It was in LA County. What struck me though was that many of the younger girls could not run even a mile or two of the three mile race. I do think that it is a great organization though, and hopefully more young girls will get out there and just move. Of course, if they can run and increase their cardiovascular health and endurance even better! Running is one of the few activities that you can do anywhere. You can just lace up and go. No crazy equipment fees or accessories.
VERY GOOD ELS!! Proud of U girl 😉
Love these!
I’ve always been a firm believer in compliments making someone’s day. Especially if they’re genuine.
Who knows what kind of good you can do…
I agree. When I left my last position as a college administrator, one of my students said that what she would miss about me was that I always had something positive to say about her and that she could tell it was earnest. She revealed that she often stopped by my office on days when she was feeling down because she knew I would provided reassurance. There is such a value to letting others know that they are not just seen, but also felt, understood, and appreciated.
Awww!!!! Milly you are awesome and wonderful!!! yay!!! Congrats Momma Milly!!! yay! WEPA!
Milly!!! Look at you! You look awesome in your pic! Love you!
Hello, I heard that you were in Atlanta in early August, but I missed you. I’m currently a student at GA Tech and my sorority along with the women’s resource center at our university are planning a Body Image Celebration month in February. We are really interested in having you come and do a workshop, book reading and signing, etc. Please contact me and let me know if this is something that interests you.
Thank you
The Second Sex – Simone de Beauvior (21)
Native Son – Richard A. Wright (20)
They’re both so powerful, and yet, they both affected me in different ways. NS because it’s one of (to me) the most powerful works of fiction I had read thus far, and I couldn’t put it down. TSS, because it changed my life. I had never read anything that opened my eyes the way she did.
I Love It All !!!!! The M’ija of the month, Marisol, is my cousin. She does great and so do you. QUE VIVEN LAS HIJAS AMERICANAS!!!!!
From one Bruja to another, “YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!” So beautiful and poetic. I would add that what defines your beauty is your artistry because your art is you. I remember you twenty years ago writing a short story about my teenage crush on he-that-cannot-be named, and writing a cyrptic erotic poem by substituting each of your written words with words found in a thesaurus. Soooo cooool! I’m so happy we rekindled our friendship as women after going seperate ways as teens. See you in NYC mija!!!
Love Brenda
You are a beautiful, amazing, inspirational woman and I am so happy to know you!
I would marry the girl who wrote this!
The girl who wrote this is my beautiful daughter-in-law and the wonderful mother of my grandson.
I think an important issue is how can the Latino community can force change. We are the largest “minority” group in the US, yet we are the first or second least having our youth graduate from HS, with a Bachelor’s or higher degree. Maybe talking about the factors like sex, how to address this with your child? It may be taboo for many Latino families, but reality is that in the US girls are most likely to get pregnant when in HS. Working with students who attended an Alternative HS, many girls had children or were pregnant, the males had been in juvenile hall or incarcerated on probation, the foster system, and other personal issues. I think this is one topic that can be discussed not only for parents, but for educators, community, and how we can all get invovlved to create intervention. i know i just blabbed on…the usual. Hope this is a good idea. if you wanna e-mail me…i have several ideas. woohoo!
Sooo glad our paths have crossed, Jenny! You are truly a blessing.
preach on girlie! Keep doing what you are doing!
Dang Girl! You are an awesome writer! Wow! Damn proud of you! Hugs to you and Nico! FYI, once I get off the plane, I better see that Margarita! hehehe! Keep rising girlie!
Wow.
Using a little girl was a great idea. It reaffirms every woman’s innocence that she started out with as a child and makes all the beauty industry garbage look like just that–garbage.
‘Thanks for posting this.
Rosie, I got your book from Barnes and Noble about a month ago, but I just found this blog today. Thanks so much for having the courage to write on this theme. Your book was tremendous. I am recommending it to all of my women friends, latina or not! I’m currently writing about some of the same issues, ethnicity, body image, etc. on my new blog too. We have a lot in common, so check it out when you get the chance. Thanks!
Baby got back!
You go girl! I love to see some beautiful and smart Latinas out there! From a former M’ija to Meet. 🙂
Ur so nice..lol ..
Well One of my teenage cousins said to me one day that a biy at school told her she had “love handles” (ID KILL 4 THOSE love handles mind u).. I told her that the next time this stupid boy said something like that tell him that Hes an ASS and that if he wanted a chace, ANY chance, with a woman someday he better start looking beyond what his eyes can see.. there was of course some cuss words in there..lol
I think everyone needs a Cousin Yvette in their lives!
It must be different (shocking) coming from a stranger or a coworker. That’s a seriously uncomfortable situation that it is nice to prepare for. I agree with your suggestion, Rosie, of asking, “did you mean to be rude?”.
My husband’s nicknames for me are potazo, potote, nalgotas, etc. But since he is my husband I just laugh it off.
you go girlie!!!! awesome responses! DAMN PROUD TO KNOW YOU!!! WOOHOOO!!!!
Oh I soooo adore you mujer! You are such a beautiful person on the inside and outside – and I’m thrilled to call you my friend! I miss you tons and really hope to get out there so we can go do Napa!!!!
OMG LOVE it!! Smart and Beautiful! Thats our Susana 🙂
I LOVE all of your answers! You are so eloquent.
You are inspirational! Congratulations to your mother for doing such an outstanding job in raising you to be a strong, proud, intelligent Latina woman who sets an tremendous example to little latinas everywhere! Proud of you Girl….
Mi’ja, reading this makes me think of a poem I truly love that goes: “Yo digo que las estrellas le dan gracias a la noche
Porque encima de otro coche
no pueden lucir tan bellas …” You are a star in the night sky.
Alright girl! Nicely done. I can’t wait to we met up. Abrazos!
That was beautiful because you are beautiful. WELL DONE!!
Wow, that was so eloquently said.
I’m sad that I’m leaving without us meeting up 🙁
I hope I’m back to San Diego soon!
Love ya chica!
AWESOME!!! YOU ROCK!!!!
i wish there were more blogs like this. congrats on all your success!
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
I am so proud of how you’ve represented yourself Judy! As well as all “Tica gringas”. 😉 Much love LS!~
You make me prouder everyday, the little that I see but I know your doing great things.I love you primita. I think you should probably be called “Tica Peruana Gringa” …:) just a suggestion. Love you. -Nancy
ahh, love it! keep going!!! i’m going to finish up my q&a this week!!
good luck with nano. i did it in 2004, so fun!
I love it. Wish I could read more.
I’l definitely share more as I write more. It’ll be a good motivation for me to do the work everyday! Thanks for your nice thoughts!
In the same nature I would like to applaud HBO’s “Tell Me You Love” for the sexy, love scenes between married couple Dr. May Foster (Jane Alexander, age 68 ) and Arthur Foster (David Selby, age 66)
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and look great. I am very proud of you sister. Keep smiling and continue to make every day as beautiful as you.
Love your sister and friend
Yes, you are beautiful, and we are very proud of you. What makes you latina, its the power of not giving up and following your dreams. You are strong and beautiful.
Love you
I’m happy to have gotten to meet Susana! what a lovely persan she is! I enjoyed this interview.
I am so proud to be one of the sisters to have the opportunity to watch you grow into the beautiful woman you are today. Continue to light up the world with your beautiful smile. You have touched many lives.
Thank you, Rosie, for putting this tangent on your blog. I never would have seen it otherwise. You rock!
Happy Birthday, Rosie! Your list is a wonderful gift to give yourself and I think I will try it myself!
Thanks so much! Let me know how your list turns out. It really is a great treat.
Kelly is one of the most passionate friends that I have, and while she does glow when speaking English, she lights up even more when chatting in Spanish. It’s beautiful to see. Thanks, Rosie, for such a positive book and website to highlight such fabulous women. (Is that my fiancee cropped out of Kel’s photo Hahahaha.)
Emily, you are wonderful (and I miss you sooo much!) And yes, that is your one and only!)
I love Jenny! And, you ARE beautiful girl!
Great job Raquel…beautiful!
xoxo
Jess
Hey Rosie, I am passing on an honor to you. There is a badge called Be the Blog that I think you deserve. It’s on my blog in the post “Don’t Bogart the Badge”. The code is yours for the taking if you want to. If not, at least know that I think you are great and the way you use this blog to express yourself is great!
Wow! I am honored and had a ball picking out my Midnight Oil badge. Thanks so much!
You are welcome. 😛
Nice words that makes me as a friend see the true diversity of who she is and how she feels. Being a mother of a son half Mexican, second generation, and half Swedish… while at the same time being an American… I can already now see how he will be torn between different cultures and, hopefully, embrace both.
You truly made me feel it all….
Yes, you are a beautiful Latina inside and out!!! Glad to have met you!!
That was Beautiful Pris 🙂
Great job well said thanks for illistrating the battle that latino women recieve when inhancing in societ Love U
I am so proud of you – you are such a beautiful person and an inspiration to all women!!!
Wow Girl. Great job!
You always have been a beautiful latina. You are a inspiration to all of our race. You bring the best in others. I love our ethnesity and culture. We are proud to be latinos. Is a passion to share the culture and traditions that we have inherited from our ancestors from generations into us and for us to live them and share them to our little ones for them to share with theirs after we are long gone. The lives we live, live them well no matter through the good times or bad we have one life to live be proud because our memories are photographs of our lives. Your article was magnifico. Love your primo.
WEPA!!!!!!! Love your comments under “why I am beautiful.”
It’s great Pricilla.
You made me realyse how proud I’m to be a Latina!
Great job!
All of us latinas can really identify with everything you said! Well done! Que vivan las Latinas!
I second Emily. Kelly is an inspiration to us all – good choice ! 🙂 Love you!
I was talking to Heather this morning trying to remember and relay this post–especially the “more power than finesse” part. I can so relate–and I thought of this post because we were laughing about my inability to play tennis. Very powerful swings. No ball contact.
Priscilla, I’ve so missed talking with you and the other girls. I just loved what you wrote. I hate to say this but I know a few people could stand to read this so that they too may know the beauty of the culture and be proud!
Besitos!
Ay chica, your comments made me cry! Your answers were heartfelt, beautiful and so, so true! Although I’ve never gotten to give you a hug in person, your friendship means so much to me! You are a great role model and I am so proud to be your friend.
I can not say enough about my hermanita. I am very proud of you you are. I can remember when you were little and how out spoken you were/are ( I have no idea where you get that from). I knew then you were something special. You have talent beyond my wildest dreams. I am always amazed by your words and the wisdom you have beyond your years. I love you hermana…
joann
You are sooo awesome!! I love you! Way may not talk as much as we used to or see eachother much but know that I love you just like a sister and I’m so proud of all your accomplishments! You are truely a strong latina that i admire.
Jess,
Deep. I love it. You have always been very powerful with words. It is a privilege to call you my cousin!!! I love you so very much.
You are awesome!! I am PROUD to call you my sister. You are truly an inspiration to me. Your words are powerful…you will inspire many. POWER TO THE PEOPLE! Love you.
it is wonderful to see an inteligent latin young lady who is respectful & honest, may all your dreams come true , & keep on keeping on!
i have a young daughter & i hope that in her college years she is like you, young latina girls need more positive role models , i am going to have her read this to let her now all her dreams are possible , you are an inspriation………………..
maggie
Jessica,
You are an inspiration to us all, young and old. You keep up that great positive attitude and the wonderful person you are. Your in my thoughts and prayers and am proud of you.. Take Care. God Bless. xoxo
Good for her! More celebrities need to raise their voice about this issue.
I loved what you wrote, especially under “why I’m beautiful.” Keep on, chica!
If you like politics, watch the Republican presidential candidates debate tonight, Dec 9th, on Univision. This debate is part of Univision’s effort to look at Hispanic issues. It takes place in Miami and will be translated and broadcast in Spanish.
I like what she said too, but let’s see if she really stands by what she said or if she goes on some crazy diet or work out routine now. I could see the magazine covers a few months from now, “Jennifer Love Hewitt has her old body back!”
I don’t think she’s a size two like she’s saying, but in the whole scheme of things, it really shouldn’t matter either.
Have you ever tried eyebrow threading? I have some friends who have that done instead of waxing, and they really like it.
As for Lourdes Leon, I’m glad that Madonna’s letting her be a kid. She has her whole life ahead to get waxed, lasered, threaded, etc. She is still a striking young girl.
That’s a great point, Adriana. I will be so disappointed if that headline pops up in a few months (or weeks!). We’ll have to keep an eye out.
mija, i am so proud of the beautiful person you have become both inside and out…keep up the good work and reach for the stars, i know you can do it…both dad and i are very proud of you and we will always be there to support you. love you always and God bless you and guide you…
After i read this, I thought these words were my very own. I relate so deeply to what you said it’s incredible. I am half Puerto Rican, quarter German, and quarter Welsh. It is inspirational to see that there is someone else like me who posesses the same feelings about life as I do. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with me.
Nice to meet you Elena. I love so much of what you’ve said here. You are gorgeous!
Jess!! I am ohhh sooo proud to call you my friend.. sister.. and most importantly family!! Always amazing people with your written words!! Love ya!
~B 🙂
Beautiful….
Wow! This is a m’ija anyone would be delighted to meet, i’m sure. I admit, I have had the honor and it only gets better.
very very nice! love it!
Lily
I happen to know this intelligent and beautiful colombian-peruvian-american latina for many years becuse she happens to be my daughter. Myself, her sisters and her abuela are very proud of her and all her achievements even though we don’t get to see her as often as we would like.
PS: Lila Call home
This is beautiful and heartful and so are you!
Erin, God made you beautiful, inside and out, and your writing is beautiful. You have something to say to your generation. I love you, Angie
We have an inner beauty that outshines any light or beauty. You are a blessed child of God. He has alot in store for you Erin….
Love,
Aunt Gail >
Hey Beautiful! You indeed ARE a body warrior and a very graceful one at that. You somehow manage to skip down the line of spunk/rebelliousness and awe/appreciation/wonder at life. The spirit coming through you is quite a delight to behold. Hope you are well, friend!
With Love,
empres
You are looking right through us with that picture. I love your comment about finding strength in weakness. I think those weaknesses are some of the most beautiful aspects of people. No need to have a tough veneer all of the time. There is too much of that in the world. Please keep sharing all that your beautiful heart and mind sees.
hey guys, thanks for all the love and support! I really appreciate it!!
xoxo
This piece is so beautifully written-you are such a warrior, Erin, in both weakness and strength, in the best way.
Much encouraged,
Monica
Hey sweetie. I am so proud of you. I read that and I grinned and had such an inner peace. God gave you to me to help Him raise you, and look at what We’ve done!! My baby, my friend- kuddos to you for being you, and loving who you are. I love you too, Miss E. Holma- Perk
I read that letter and thought it was a letter I could have written to myself. Thanks for linking to it, Rosie.
I especially loved how she ended it– the idea that all these choices end up as physical memories in our body. It reminds me of how you turn on the car radio and a song takes you back in time. A scent of something takes you to somewhere in your history. Those physical memories are so powerful. I like the idea of trying to make choices that will bum rush you in the future with a wave of positivety.
wondering if you’ll be doing any readings in san francisco/bay area?
Erin, I love reading your thoughts. Your confidence (even in your weakness!) inspires me. Please keep sharing, and fighting for it.
xoxo Daphne
It’s a good possibility that I’ll hit NY and Cali this coming year– hopefully before summer. I’ll keep you posted!
That’s a great list, Rosie! 🙂 It is inspirational to personally commit to these resolutions (I think I am going to call them “revolutions” this year).
Jen Rocks as Latina of the day! Not only is she all the wonderful things she said in her interview, she also has a wicked sense of humor and is a great listener!
Oh, I love it– revolutions is the perfect word.
In fact, the last few lines of Hijas are: Raise your voice and demand an end to a narrow beauty mystique. No matter where you have been on the journey to selfhood, start each day with the intention of championing yourself and others. It is never too late to claim yourself. The revolution- for all of us, of any upbringing– is about to crescendo.
So, here’s to the revolution. Cue Tracy Chapman.
Andie, I agree– Jen is fabulous. Funny, bright, and so earnest. She’s a breath of fresh, fresh air.
Awesome Anna, nice to meet you! I love your hair! What you said about beauty, “please stop and be yourself,” is excellent advice. 🙂
Exactly! I am feeling the 1988 vibes lately. 🙂
I think this a great start to a great year!!!!!!!!
Para ti, m’ija: me alegra verte en este web site, y de ver tus maduros comentarios….. te deseo exito en todo lo que emprendas. Good way to go, muchacha!!!! Tu padre.
Very cool Sucia! I really dig the “beautiful” part!!! Rock on!
YAY Michelle!! loved it 🙂
I agree she is pretty fabulous.We are very proud of her. I am kinda biased though.
Her German Mom
Hello and happy new year to you..
thank you for the contest,i’d really like to win this for my daughter in law julie…
roodbetty(at) yahoo.com
What a nice mother-in-law you are! I just dropped your name into the hat. Every comment scores an entry so feel free to visit again, check things out, and share your thoughts!
please include me as well; thanks!
kierra(dot)ho(at)gmail(dot)com
My wife and three young daughters would love this book.
AntonioCS(at)AOL(dot)com
Happy new year!
here is my entry for the contest ; )
Happy New Year!
I am so excited about this book. I don’t see latina feminist beauty in print every day.
🙂
I am looking forward to reading your book. I have been a librarian for over 19 years and have been waiting for a book like yours to come along! I am half Mexican and half Anglo. “I know what it is like to walk both the lines, and sometimes it’s in the middle or to one side” Thank you! ~Annie
Great Michelle be proud you are beautiful
“I fight against things that I feel are wrong even when it’s not easy. I make mistakes and I own them.”
Profound words my friend. You will go far in life if you hold these ideals near.
Gracias por las palabras, los libros, y la vida latina!
Count me in – thank you,
Adele
This is a great idea for a drawing! If I win I’ll give the book to my local library because so many could benefit from it.
This sounds like a really great show. Did you catch the first episode, Rosie? I liked the article that you linked to here in this post, but it does seem like quite a lot of time (5 days) that they have to whittle down to 30 minutes in order to show it on TV. I hope they don’t end up glossing over what is surely an arduous psychological turnaround.
Oo, i hope i win!
But i never win stuff.
My luck is of the terrible variety.
Annie, you are exactly right. Libraries were my safe space as a child– thank you for the important work that you do.
Windmills, What a fabulolus idea! I love it.
C, I think the only thing I have ever won was a Holly Hobbie cake at a drawing at my sister’s school when I was 4. Turns out, I was sick in bed when it was delivered, and my family ate it without me. But I am not bitter. At all. Here’s to your luck changing in 2008– maybe even with this drawing! Thanks for visiting. Come again!
Hello,
This is very generous of you!
Happy New Year and continued success….
I’m amazed at #6. I had not read about that before. Thanks for pointing it out. You’ve compiled quite a list here. 🙂
Rosie, here is a post you would enjoy.
http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2008/01/08/the-body-image-antidote-for-teenage-girls/
Oh, the book looks so interesting. Thank you for sharing! I am going to see if our library has it and check it out.
I think Lorraine is right on point! You are beautiful!
OMG I Love this list! Im on to jeers now..cant wait to see that..lol 😉
Ur right those “starlets” need REAL help.. 2 bad those photoshop doesnt work in real life..lmao
I taped it and will watch it in the next night or two and report back on my impressions. I am really eager to see it! Anyone else see it?
Must be an easy book to write, since all Latina are gorgeous. 🙂
Fighting Windmills pointed me over here for the free drawing. Please toss my hat in the ring.
Good luck with the book.
While watching programming on Noggin, my children and I have seen Sweet Honey In The Rock sing a children’s song, “I like it that way”. They do so much to inspire self-confidence and their video is full of energetic children of many colors and hair textures. That was how I was introduced to their music. That song is on the album Experience 101.
I just love Sweet Honey and the Rock and even have one of their children’s albums (I Got Shoes!) but I haven’t hear “I like it that way.” One of their children’s songs that I love is 4 U 2 Know. I am going to go check out “I like it that way” right now.
PS: Sweet Honey is touring this winter and spring. Check their schedule at http://www.sweethoney.com. They are unreal in concert.
Thank you everyone! Happy New Year!
Hi,
I hope all is well. I just wanted to thank you for posting on your blog about “How To Look Good Naked.” You have played an important part in the huge success of its’ premiere.
Taken from Lifetime’s press release:
“How to Look Good Naked was a particularly strong performer (1.3 HH) and debuted as the most watched reality series among A18-34, A18-49 and W18-34 in Lifetime’s 24-year history.”
I look forward to working with you in the future. If you ever have any questions for me, or you need anything you think I can help with, please don’t hesitate to ask.
I hope your weekend is great!!!
Best,
Carrie
I am one of the many Lynn loves big and never gives up on. What’s wrong with that nice nose?
Of course I believe that Lynn is the MOST beautiful woman I know. I am proud to be her mom.
Nice to meet you Lynn. I love encountering tenacious women!
I love this show!
oh yay! i’m glad they are finally getting the word out there! i volunteered for a while there, it’s an amazing organization!! do it do it do it!!
WOW Now I wish they had this when I was younger.. Ill be passing this on to my younger cousins.. thx 🙂
Tell Miss LOLA shes a beauty! 🙂
U had me AWWing and laughing.. My moms 2 dogs are the SAME WAY!! ( I call them 2 Spoilded stinky dogs..lol) One hates the rain and will hold “it” until he’s about to bursts and the other HAS to have a blanky at night or she wont sleep.. She gets this very sad look on her face..
They see U with a brush and they push eachother out of the way just to be the only one getting brushed down..lol I swear its the funniest thing.. they going round and round..
btw IM SOOOOO glad U dont baby talk Ur dog.. I think its creepy…lol
it is great that your dad is alive and that he is stronger than cancer. good luck:)
You’re right— everyday is a gift. Thanks for your good thoughts!
I love the idea of your mom’s two dogs pushing each other out of the way to get brushed. That image has me laughing so hard!
Lola’s hair is so shiny! She could do dog shampoo commercials! 😉
I would tell her that, but she’s already too full of herself. But as one of the brushers, cleaners, caretakers of the mane, I say “Thanks for noticing!”
Lola, the Showgirl, is BEAUTIFUL even when she is pouting!! She is a very special girl and I LOVE her! I can’t believe BF wanted a boxer/lab mix! They aren’t showgirl material!!
Amy,
BF has certainly learned that he has no judgment skills. And if Lola has anyone hook, line, and sinker, you know it is BF!
Thanks for loving our pup as much as we do.
Adele: Fabulous to see you here! As always…beautiful comments, performance, and writing!
All my best- Susan Star
Im so happy about this blog!! This is so beautiful! Sometimes I feel no complete affection to my Americaness, African-Americanness, Panamanianness, Afro-Latinaness, West-Indianness because there is no forum. But that title hija americana makes me so happy!! It’s not all inclusive in my case but its a great title for those who are share both worlds!! Im glad you forwarded this to me!!! 😀 Hope to see you el jueves!! 😀
Adele,
You are indeed a beautiful person. You are right, your culture is rich and you expressed feelings on being Latina and Americana so eloquently! Love and Hugs
You certainly DO add a richness to the world. Keep it coming sister! Abrazos.
Un abrazo fuerte.
Sudy
Beautiful inside and out–smart, politically astute, never willing to accept the status quo–hallmarks of a good person…
Adele,
I am glad we share more than our love for words! As a Latina living in the USA I have enough distance to see the beauty and charisma of all Latino cultures, and how the colors permeates who we are, regardless of distance and time.
Enhorabuena hermama!
I love Adele!
She is strength, she is brilliance and inspiration.
The world needs to listen to her! Thank you for bringing focus to these issues.
M
Wonderful!
And this is making me move up Hijas on my TBR pile.
Well spoken and beautiful. From someone who has been completely endeared to the Latin culture myself, I can say Adele represents its beauty and richness better than anyone I know.
I am not latino, I was born here and I am proud that I was. Although I can relate on a very small level. When I was young I knew my heritage which is Italian, English and Hungarian. I would tell adults when asked of my nationality I would always say hungarian first because I loved knowing I had a Gypsy side to me. The reaction was never the same as mine. It was obvious to me at a very young age gypsies were dirty and thieves and poor. I am still very proud of that part of me, I hold it very dearly. I am also so happy their are people like you in this world. You and people like you have changed this world for the better. I know this because I don’t get the same kind of feedback as I used to, as often, That is why you and all others must keep it up! Good job!!
Adele is one of the most vibrant, kind and beautiful women I know. And I am always suprised at the prejudice that still exists. Hopeuflly with women like Adele we can finally come from a place where we see ourselves and each other as a human community – period!
Adele – the light that you shed is an unbrella that encircles and enlighten. It is time that people are seem as part of the whole human experience and not burden with labels that are hindering, unfair and unjust. “Liberación” to all. You continue to make a difference.
Bee
As a feminist and a mother of an 20-month old girl, I am disgusted at myself for constantly loathing my “flab”. This is not what I want to pass on to my daughter. Yet I have internalized the body image thing as much as any other United Statsian woman. Then I get the double whammy of feeling bad about my body AND guilty for betraying my feminist ideals. So let’s throw out the idea of “flab”, because there is a season for all things – a time to be firm and a time to be soft.
Agreed! And just think about the magic of your body in a different way– as a means for you to give comfort to your daughter, to bring her to safety. Your body allows you to play with her, to laugh with her, to give her the support that she needs- which right now might mean carrying her weary body and in 15 years might mean holding her through heartache.
Our bodies give us so much more than we realize or appreciate, even in their imperfections. Our bodies are the gifts that we have been given to experience the world. Just think how much experience we miss when we are too busy bemoaning our bodies. I am with Aubrey. The flab talk has to go. No more “I am so fat.” I don’t mind if you say I want to make healthier choices. But I do mind if you think for even one minute that you are not enough just the way you are.
I am lovin’ Brandi Carlile on the female empowerment thing. Her CDs rock! The best is probably “My Song” for the list, though.
so how did you gain that 30 lbs and how long did it take? I am underweight have always been.
A lot of women who are underweight really struggle with how to put on weight and there are certainly many different factors to being able to do it successfully. The truth is that the basic math we hear about weight loss and weight gain (3500 calories in means you gain a pound, 3500 calories out means you lose a pound) isn’t the whole formula. Weight loss and gain– in my experience– has been more of calculus than basic math. All that said, I think anyone who is looking to gain or lose weight for health reasons has to look at root causes. The root cause for my being underweight was fairly obvious– I was skipping meals, days at a time, and my body had no sustenance. Everyone’s root causes will be different (ie: eating meals but not enough calories to match the body’s metabolism, etc). I suggest finding a nutritionist or fitness center for tests for metabolism (the test I have done uses a breathing tube that is a little bit unpleasant but not painful or uncomfortable– just weird). That will give you a base calorie amount that you would have to intake just to maintain weight and a starting point to understand how many calories your body needs a day. Then, depending on other root causes, you might work on your own, with a nutritionist, or with a psychologist who specializes in this area to build a plan that will help you get to where you want to be to healthy. This is a great question– I am going to ask a friend who specializes in this area to come on and comment, too so check back for her insight!
Love Lidsey’s comment on how influential her son is to her growth as a person and a woman..I share the same sentiments as Lindsey is my daughter and I have learned so much from her. Challenges for women are never ending, but it certaily helps when we are appreciated and understood by others for who and what we are. Fortifies and nurtures our soul and encourages us to continue our quest for self awareness and self worth…
Ask her what she wants out of a mentoring relationship.
Listen, listen, listen.
And then do all the stuff you just suggested.
Good points, Veronica! I’ll add that you shouldn’t take any silence as a desire to not have a mentor or as a sign of dislike. Sometimes, it will take a while for a young person to warm up– maybe even until you prove that you are dependable. And sometimes, when you ask them what they would like to talk about or do, they’ll shrug or say they don’t know. That doesn’t necessarily mean they want to talk about or do nothing. Sometimes they aren’t sure what parameters you might have and don’t want to be embarrassed by suggesting something outside those parameters. Other times, they really just don’t know what options are available. This is a good time to have some concrete suggestions in your back pocket so you can say “would you like to x, y, or z.”
I looked at The Sartorialist. What a beautiful blog! And I agree with the sentiment that photos of real people who really were seen on real streets are so interesting and fun to look at. Thanks for pointing out that Newsweek article!
Excellent ideas, Rosie! And you are so right about teenagers and silence. A suggestion to add: garden or farm together (it makes a great metaphor).
(tee hee; I’m so jealous of that prom dress)
I love it! Gardening or even going out to a farm and picking produce is a brilliant idea.
Windmills, is it the color, the big pouffy sleeves, or the bow on the hip? Too bad you can’t see the bubble skirt. I did the 1990s proud.
Rosie, that dress rocks! So did this post. It was great of you to tell this story, and important that you shared it with everyone. I think we all tend to overextend ourselves at times and neglect what is important (like our health and happiness). Great post!
Betsy is awesome! She is a beautiful, talented and intelligent woman. She has her stuff together. Her smile is contagious. She doesn’t fool herself with delusions. She seeks knowledge and truth. She is down-to-earth and real. She’s a cool chick! She is definitely a Mi’ja to Meet!
This girl is one to watch! She will go after her dreams with all her guns loaded and I couldn’t be prouder…
Ok I cant take this crap anymore.. KSS is the one “they” were upset with for posing for a cover breast feeding her 1st born.. COMEON now!! This is the very reason I stopped buying mags.. of any kind!! I cant take “them” telling me whats good and bad anymore…
These are the same ppl calling Ricky Martin “FAT” this week.. Ok if hes fat I know a lot of other men who shouldnt leave the house!! mmk..lol..
Wow! Growing up with Betsy was amazing, but watching her work is inspiring. She is proud of her culture, her success, and her family. She is strong, beautiful, intelligent and down to earth. I only hope that the world is ready to embrace of all of the gifts she gives. Ready or not, here she comes!
I had the pleasure of meeting Ms Betsy when she attended Columbia College, and worked with me in the C-2 dept, even then I knew this ‘latina’ would go places, I am so proud of her and everything she has accomplished, may God bless her always, this is one M’ija to keep your eye on.
I love her dearly and only wish the best for her and her family
BETSY!!!!! You go girl!
I had the opportunity to work with Betsy when she was in Chicago. To know her is to love her! Although we are now far in distance and don’t get to be around each other as much she is dear to my heart. She is a definitely a Mi’ja to meet and have on your team.
LOVE YOU GIRL!!!
That’s our Betsy!! We all love her to pieces, and her family!! What a beautiful person she is!! It’s too bad there aren’t more human beings like her.
I’ve known Betsy since she was a tiny kid and I LOVE the woman she’s become. And now she’s a blossoming community leader! I’m so proud of my cousin Betsy! Betsy for President!
Congrats Betsy! I am so proud of you! Keep being you- a great role model to all Latinas!
Rosie, I think it’s the sheen of the dress that I covet. And I like your fingernail polish. 😛
Allright Betsy! This is so awesome. Good job Chica!
The Betsy we’ve always known is a positive person full of compassion yet determined and courageous enough to speak the truth inorder to help someone be a better person. We will always remember the family trip in 1998 to the Cañon de Cobre and Viviana will always remember you saying, “Be nice” It made a difference!
I have only seen a handful of pictures of Keely Shaye Smith, and her wieght has never crossed my mind. Sure, this isn’t the most flattering bikini shot, but who cares?
I’m glad that her husband loves her for who she is.
Lynn, I agree completely with everything you said about yourself AND your mom! You are both amazing hijas! Love, Bev
One more thing: I have always loved your nose!
Giving circles can be a great way to build community, increase the impact of your donation, and meet people in your community. There are some great resources on starting and managing giving circles at the Giving Circle Knowledge Center.
I’ve used the Giving Circle Knowledge Center at givingforums.org a lot in my research and highly recommend it!
Rosie,
You have given me many reasons to be proud of you but never more than of what you are doing here.
OXOX
Haddy
Very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you do look beautiful!
Caridad,
Great picture!
Cari not only is beautiful on the outside, but she out shines any one else I know on the inside. I proud to call her my friend and sister.
You have always been special to each and everyone of us! The beauty you have inside and outside will never fade.
The Rodriguez Family
THIS “SISTER” IS NOT ONLY AS BEAUTIFUL AS THIS PHOTO DEPICTS, BUT SHE POSSESSES A STRONG INNER STRENGTH, A ZEST FOR LIFE, A LOVE OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND A PERSONAL QUALITY OF SELF CONFIDENCE THAT PUTS HER IN A CLASS ALL BY HERSELF.. HOW DO I KNOW ALL OF THIS YOU ASK? I WAS FORTUNATE TO HAVE HAD HER SAY YES WHEN I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME. SHE IS ONE OF A KIND!!
You are my inspiration, and you ARE beautiful!!! We love you!
Oh, my! Rosie, my girl, you need to put Kleenex warnings on some of these blogs of yours! So romantic…heartwarming….
Awww Rosie, what a sweet post. You always have such a gift for reminding us of the things that are truly important! And your “boyfriend” how sweet is he!
I love you sis!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re absolutely amazing!!!
Mmmmmmm . . .
Those photos are beautiful, and the story is so funny! Thanks for “sharing” with us.
Awwwwwww…..
ok I have a crush on ur “boyfriend” now..lol 😉
I have to say Im the same way about my Tias cakes.. Im always the 1st to start singing happy birthday when I know its one of her cakes..lol
btw.. yea still crushing on BF..lol even after he stole ur cupcake!! yes he stole it !!
Your BF is just precious!! Even if he stole your cupcake! LOL He more than made up for it though. How long did those 5 cupcakes last, by the way?
I am glad that you see it like I did- BF stole my cupcake! Other than that, he is fairly crushable. I believe that the cupcakes lasted for that week- one a day (which took all the strength I had). BF’s aunt pulled up in our driveway last night with a Valentine six pack. She’s my dealer. I haven’t even cracked it open yet since I had one of Carly’s Red Velvets but you can rest assured that those cupcakes probably won’t see Monday. But I promise to share. Seriously.
I love you LS! You are so strong and I look up at you in many things! Keep up the hard work!
You are beautiful, becuase you are a strong Latina mami. I am so proud of you becuase you have looked at adversaty in the face and laughed at it, I wish more people could do that ! You have brought a blessing into this world, who becuase of you ,will learn the being different and being Latino is something to be proud of. I love you girl, keep doing what you. I am proud to call you mi hermana.
what a cute story! And yah.. he STOLE the cupcake! (but he done good in making up for it!)
sung by a guy, but one of my favorite saving myself songs:
“Prince Charming” by Jim’s Big Ego
(not full lyrics)
“Think you better cut all the hair off
Throw it out the window, climb down from that tower
Flip the wicked witch the finger.
Ain’t no use to wait for him to get you,
He’s out chasing his own demons–
Not like you can really blame him,
You got demons of your own.
…
You gonna have to be your own Prince Charming
You’re gonna ride your own stallion.
You’re gonna have to find your own castle
Gonna have to raise your own sail.
And there’s gonna be a happy ending,
But that’s only the beginning;
This ain’t no fairy tale.
It’s true. It’s real. It’s you.”
Rosie, Since I have started blogging on Feb. 1st and entered this magical community of people – I have rediscovered you and your amazing agility with threading words together and forming a beautiful story. I have shipped off your box:-) Placed you as one of my fave bloggers on my website and added links to the Hijas book and embedded the trailer. On a weird sidenote; I just embroidered a giant pink-iced, cherry topped, cupcake on a new dress I bought! Long live the cupcake!
OMG – great idea! Ok, here are some “I am woman, hear me roar” songs….
Christina Aquilera – Soar and The Voice Within
P!nk – Stupid Girls, U+UR Hand, Dear Mr. President, Just Like A Pill and many others
Indigo Girls – Closer To Fine
Alicia Keys – A Womans Worth, Karma (that’s a breakup song)
Mary J. Blige – Just Fine, No More Drama! 😉
Hey that’s weird! I followed the link to Carly’s webpage and saw a picture of Mike Orlando. I sort of knew him in college. Well, anyway, that was neat to see how they are married now and are your neighbors.
And I love the idea of a cupcake embroidered on a dress. Your blog is so beautiful, AmarettoGirl!
Oh no! That person definitely could have benefited from a spell checker. 😆
It sure is fun to see and analyze other people’s searches.
yayyy!!! 🙂
woot! roni, you are beautiful indeed 🙂
I just discovered your site.
I like it. thanks
You ARE a beautiful woman – inside and out! This is reflected in all the wonderful people who love you for who you are!
I love THIS -I love love love it and I want to send it to every young +old woman I know!!! Infact, tomorrow I’m going to show it to my students!!! YOu rock lady! Thank you for having our backs.
A body warrior and human warrior! I stand with you!
You teach me every day how to find the beauty within myself. Thanks for sharing your love of yourself with others.
Veronica, my big roudn tummy and I attest to your awesomeness.
Rosie in North Carolina
Hi Rosie,
Here is my signature 🙂
Ilana
I pledge,Ivana Cepeda
I pledge to not be controlled by my body’s appearance, performance, or reactions in life, but instead to balance its wisdom with that of my mind and spirit, to be a wholly integrated human being.
Signed Erin Lane Beam
i pledge to know and love my body! hey arm-nice to meet you…i’m suezette – have you met my toes?
I pledge to love myself and my body and to just accept that my “ethnic” is just part of my latina heritage.
I’m so proud of you! You look great and your thoughts are inspirational and sincere.
PS. You do make great tamales!
“ethnic butt”
Count me in. Thanks for spreading this message at Amherst! ~Jessica
Thanks so much for coming to Amherst!!!
Amen. You go girl.
Proud of you and glad our Navy is in great hands.
The world needs many more women like you. I am proud to be your sister. May you continue to conquer the world!!!
“I don’t want to be like Cindarella”- kids song but very female empowering
“Caledonia” by Celtic Woman is also very strong
I pledge.
Thanks so much for coming to Amherst, it was great meeting you!
Ha and who could forget “Never Underestimate a Girl” by Vanessa Hudgens
It’s my turn now Keke Palmer
Of course we Boricuas are damn sexy mija! Sending some sucia love your way. MUAH!
Great interview chica! So happy to have the opportunity of getting to know you more with the Sucias.
Great interview, honey!!!
Beautiful!!
LMAO!! a blackout??..WELCOME to TEXAS!!! Now get out! ;-D
Hi,
I love the name “vampire plugs”. It’s something I have become very conscious about. When the clocks changed last week I realized that there are 3 electric clocks on appliances in my kitchen in addition to the rechargeable-battery-powered wall clock. The more I look around my house the more little glowing lights I see (take a walk around your house or apartment at night to really spot them).
Have you heard of the Kill-a-Watt meter? http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16882715001&Local=y
I’m going to get one soon. It will help you to know what electronics are using the most energy. Now I just wish designers would give us the option of switching off all those constant power eaters.
Keep up the good work.
I just recently learned to unplug our cellphone charger and the coffee pot. Unplugging is an easy habit to form. I like all four of your suggestions, Rosie.
Great day, Rosie!! And you were right…funny!!! LOL My spanish isn’t the bet by far, but Span-glish is downright perfect!!!
Rosie, it was a pleasure meeting you yesterday. The students from George Washington Community School and Craig Middle School had a terrific time. It was very rewarding to see them relate to the experiences you share with them and as well as their enthusiasm to share their own. You’ll be an inspiration to them. And who knows, maybe one of them will follow your steps and will become a successful Latina writer.
Perhaps you’ve always worked excessively long and hard, from when you were young?
If so, it’s a habit which, consequently, will be difficult to break – as difficult as kicking an addiction, which may be…………work?!!
Finally, someone puts it into words!
Being my own boss isn’t the peaceful, restful, flexible life I thought it would be, in fact I find I’m often burnt out and resentful, because I expect more of myself than I ever would of anyone else.
I’d like to start this experiment with you, let’s unbury!
Carolian, you are totally right. Working is my crack rock. But I am kicking the habit– seriously.
Adele, you are on! It’s 5 pm EST and this is the last thing I am doing before shutting down the computer until tomorrow afternoon. I usually work both days of the weekend but I am only going to do 4 hours this weekend. What gets done is great. What doesn’t is fine. Here’s hoping that we’ll both have good things to report come Monday.
Go Emma! We need more women in positions of power to start looking out for young up and comers.
We were searching for words to describe the intense feelings of seeing little old Davidson make the sweet 16 but you said it best. Thanks!
Wasn’t watching the game last night intense? I watched it at my parents house and we were beyond excited. My mom cried at the end. Thanks for writing about it. 😛
The Inside HigherEd bracket is great!
It was so intense (and it drove me crazy when the guys would be sprinting down the court with the ball and CBS would cut to another game. What were they thinking?)– and, ultimately, so fun!
Hi Rosie! I went to Davidson when you were Director of Community Service and remember our “Women’s Dinners” fondly.
‘LOVED your post – I’m cheering loud and proud from southern California!
-Kristine H. (’03)
Harriett is a body warrior that I wish everyone could know…she is my most incredible friend.
I like bell hooks too. 🙂
Awww!!! Looks like My girl Rosie needs a cyber hug.. ok here it is.. (((((((HUG)))))))
ok so Im not always a smart-ass.. I can be a softy 2.. but shhhh dont tell anyone ;-D
Check out photo # 19. It’s sure to make you laugh.
Oh my goodness! It’s brilliant! That’s the best sign I have ever seen at a ball game. Thanks so much for the laugh, FW. ANd thanks for the big hug, Yvette. I needed both!
Personally, I think she sounds like a really together woman, someone who knows who she is and who she wants to be and how she can get there.
This is SO well said!! I think these are the best definitions I’ve ever heard. Thanks for sharing!
I agree, Loida!
Girll! I’m sticking with you. You teach me so much,chica!
Rosie: As Executive Director of the Giving Circles Network, a non profit supporting Giving Circles throughout the U.S. and internationally, I wholeheartedly support this cause and effort! Also, while a U.S. Citizen now, I was born in the Dominican Republic and so of course am already familiar with your work and book, and have been discussing it with my sisters and girlfriends. We have been giving the book to Latina teens who are our friends, daughters and nieces. Both your book and this new Giving Circle are such an inspiration! Please let us know what we can do to support you! (Appreciate your email so we can directly correspond if possible!) Looking forward to hearing more about your Giving Circle.
We need more voters like you… those who study the candidates and issues. Happy voting!
This is what’s wrong with today’s children! What’s wrong with kids BEING kids?? Them growing up is going to happen soon enough. Why push it??
Go Girl!!! Woohooo!!!! I must agree with you are a darn sexy!!! yay!!!
This just makes me sick!!
WTF?!? Talk about brainwashing!!!
great post!!! i am so sorry i have not finished my q&a, i’m going to do it this week, i can hardly wait (if you are still interested, if not, no worries!). anyhoo, sending good vibes to you!
kathy 🙂
I didn’t get a chance to go out today either, but I appreciate that you shared your favorite poems here on your blog. I like the spirit behind this day of sharing poetry. The ones you picked are so beautiful.
i’ve just discovered sudoku and play it on my daughter’s DS in bed.
i love it and i hate it.
…sounds like sudoku and i were meant to be.
Amen!!! Bless you for pointing these young girls in a postive direction.
Men arent’ the end all or be all of our worlds! I think I”m going to tatoo that to my forehead! LOL
Our culture and society was built based on consumerism and hedonism, that children today living with the assumption that they will only be recognized by their physical possession. It is sad truth and hard work for parents
Well-done, Emily. You make us proud!
Mom
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!! I think the exact same thing all the time. I used to mention my children by name on my blog when I first started out, until I came across a SUPER SCARY blog, by either a real serial killer or a wannabe thriller writer. After reading that crap, and scaring myself to death, I decided NEVER to mention my children by name again. I only refer to them as “my daughter and son.” SO NO, I would never put one of those stickers on my SUV. By the way, you are a saint for volunteering to take on your BF’s THREE children. Amazing!
Wow you have a beautiful mind as well as a beautiful picture.
Conor
Great to hear about all your recent success & accomplishments. All the best.
-tcruz
Emily,
you are so beautiful in so many ways! I am fortunate to have such a close relationship with you. To be Ohio-Cuban-American, the mix of these cultures has so much love and good food! I saw the heart of you in Granada Spain and I’ll see it again when I meet you on Friday in Miami.
Viva guapa!
Gilda, You are AWESOME!
HOLLA CHICA!!!
Ok Im tired just from all reading that!!!
Cant help U on the writing stuff.. Id tell U to work out 1st thing in the moring but thats when U want to write.. SO im outta ideas..lol
All I can do is keep sending U funny emails. Only now I feel like Id be taking U away from working 😉
Oh CUTE rug!.. and Miss Lola is still a beauty!!
Yvette, you are spot on– Unless I have an event mid-morning or so, I do most of my workouts right when I wake because I’ll talk myself out of them otherwise. But then I need to get to my desk asap because my mind’s just not as sharp in the afternoon. And keep sending those funny e-mails. They crack me up!
As for the rug, it was the find of this year! The bonus: it’s one of Miss Lola’s favorite places in the house so she doesn’t whine as much about wanting to be in our bedroom instead (the only other place in the house that has something on the floor other than hardwoods) when I am working. Since Lola is a herding dog, she has to be THISCLOSE to her herd– me and BF- at all times. When my office didn’t have a rug, she stood behind me letting out a highpitch whine that lasted about 45 seconds each, begging me to go do my work on the bed so she could lay on the carpet in the bedroom. Now, she’ll whine a little bit and then just collapse on my office floor to sleep.
I’m so impressed, Rosie! Thanks for sharing this insight into your daily life. Your office looks really nice.
Wow!! I am so glad I found this!! Was looking for boosting songs to keep me going in my business and you ALL had amazing suggestions!! I have 2 to add: “Ever After” by Carrie Underwood and “Believe” by Suzie McNeil
If anyone has more, please send them to me (via myspace would be best)!
LOL! Now I’m singing “dollar, dollar bill y’all” in my head. What a catchy song. Your wallet and business card holder are both so pretty!
Thanks for doing the meme! (fix your links; they have double http)
Emily,
You are such a wonderful person! You are part of a great family with parents who have raised you well and helped guide you into the great person you are today. I really found it interesting and enjoyed reading your comments and experiences of life growing up as a Latina in the U.S.
Ive always been proud of you sis….and as you have matured into the woman you are today, I am blown away by how well-spoken you are. You are an amazing person and a wonderful example to others. Love you!
I love the business card holder! 🙂 Too cute.
ROFL…BF would be walking around without a tongue by now! Or he’d travel w/a muzzle on! LOL
Ok remind me NEVER to fly with U..lmao
Oh Ur BF is starting to lose his crush appeal
😉
Brenda– a muzzle. I never thought about that! And Yvette, BF would be devastated to know he is losing his crush appeal. He’d want you to know that he does the dishes and the laundry and is always willing to cook dinner. And he’s quit stealing my cupcakes.
the dishes??!! ok the crush is still there. 😀
well put,my grandmother use to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
well put,my grandmother use to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
well put,my grandmother use to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
That’s a great essay, Rosie.
I’m so glad you enjoy my blog. I enjoy yours too!
This was great! I like comparing a woman’s body to a ceramic water pitcher. There’s a verse in the Bible that says that very thing! 1 Peter 3:7
I laughed so hard reading this. OH MY GOD!
I love this meme. I’m going to steal it too!
Thanks, FW! When Danny first made that comment last year (actually, Danny’s birthday dinner is this Sunday. I’ll have to keep an ear out for any gems), I thought of the Marge Piercy poem, To Be of Use which ends with “The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.”
Thanks, Loida! I am flying again on Monday and first thing on Sunday, I am going online to check-in and make sure that I am not next to the bathroom. I just can’t do it!
Oh, let me know when you post it, Loida– I want to check it out!
Come check it out!
Rosie ~ I can’t say how proud I am of you. I have ordered the book and can’t wait to read it! Congratulations on your success…I always knew you would be “big.” Now…If I could just find that poem about young love you wrote that I thought was so wonderful!!! 😉
Laura Ann Whitener– what a wonderful surprise. Thanks so much for checking in– I think of you so often and have such fond memories of our years together in school. Hope you and your family are all doing well!
Even though this isn’t exactly a “meme” it’s really cool. You’ve had some cool ones lately. I may try this one too!
I’d love for you to use it as a “meme”! I’ll keep an eye out for your post!
resonance
riding the widening pools of wonder to shores of faith
rising with the light to greet a new day.
blessings.
A summer scrapbook is a great idea for a blog post, Rosie. These photos are gorgeous. 🙂
PS I saw Hijas Americanas (finally) on the new books shelf at my library and read your handwritten dedication. Thank you so much for doing that!
Thats really COOL!!
It really is a great book Rosie.. Thank U!! 😀
Great Pix.. hey if I can learn to scan and crop U can 2.. the scannin is a pain but cropping is no biggie.. just need a lot of time.. and after reading all the stuff Ur hoping to get done this summer.. Im thinking these might be the only pix we see.. just kidding!! ;-D
It’s in my blood. Seriously, it’s the only way I know how to deal with the inequities in this world.
Beautifully said, Veronica. And I completely agree!
Rosie, i think your story is proof that we’re always exactly where we should be. 🙂
That’s really cool!
What do I cherish?
I cherish the look of mischief in my daughter’s eyes. That is all I need to see to know that she’ll be just fine when she grows up. A woman needs to be able to make waves to survive.
What might I do differently?
Gotten over the idea that smart kids don’t ask for help. Join a study group.
What do I need right now more than anything else?
A personal assistant! Dear goddess am I swamped.
Veronica, I love your cherish statement. What a lucky girl your daugther is to have a mom that realizes this important truth.
And as for an assistant– a couple of writers I know hired high school students who are interested in writing to be assistants this summer. Many of the students have other summer jobs too but were totally excited to have a chance to work with a writer for 5-10 hours a week at $8 to $10 an hour. Maybe it could work for you?
The answers to my three questions from yesterday.
#1 My husband’s compassion. A boy in the neighborhood who we both really like but don’t know well stopped by the yard last night to say that he was graduating from high school today. “I am going to college,” he told BF, so proud and excited. BF came inside so moved, tears in his eyes. “Can we get him a graduation present?” He whispered before he couldn’t speak anymore for the tears. On the surface, BF and I are as different as two people can be. But this compassion is where our union was made– it is what guides us and it is our glue.
#2 I scheduled this week in a way that doesn’t accomodate the way that I work best. I need to be more mindful of that.
# 3 To keep focused in order to knock out several big to dos this week.
seriously – BF just brought me to tears!!! and not in the normal cracking up sort of way!!!! awwwwwww. what did you get the graduate as a gift? cool beans!!!!
Ah, Suez– that’s sweet. We’re going with cash for the graduate. It’s what we both could have used when we were graduating!
Yesterday”s answers to the three small questions:
# 1 The good-hearted and genereous women who have so generously embraced the mission of Circle de Luz. Joining in community for something so important feels like magic.
# 2 Not drop by my Blackberry into the toilet. Aye!
# 3 To take the time to stretch!
This is beautiful, Rosie. I’m sorry we couldn’t meet on Saturday, but I understand how much this weekend meant to you and you did the right thing deciding to spend it with your families. We will meet when another opportunity comes up. Take care in your travels!
That’s powerful, Rosie. Thank you for putting your beliefs out there. I believe that the shortest distance between two people is a story.
And your statement is powerful; I just love it!
I saw it on a bumper sticker. 😀
Hey this was fun!! .. even tho I didnt go as far as making the mosaic pic..
Ok I was lazy there I said it ;-D
The pix are great!!
Oooh….nice!
Number three is a powerful image. That’s not one you’d expect for a high school. Thanks for playing!
Hello Ladies,
Thank you Rosie for allowing me to use your platform to showcase my jewels.
If you are having a special event and want customized jewels designed with your needs in mind get at me!!
Please visit my group on Facebook :CruzAvenue
or look me up under steff de la cruz
I would love to hear your comments.
Take care ladies,
Stephanie 😛
I know i’m a bit late for this but I want to play along!
1. I cherish my familia
2. I have been doing many things differently: giving back o my community by dancing in my church’s dominican folkloric dance group and singing in the choir.
3. I need my BF to stop being mad at me!!!
Yvette, it’s almost addicting. Now I want to create all sorts of moasics!
FW, That image just grabbed me when I entered the name of my high school. Named Watering the Wall of Indifference, it actually speaks to what I most railed against at that age (and even now though the roots were planted for me in high school): indifference. Thanks for introducing me to such a neat meme!
Beautiful!
We are doing the This I Believe series here locally on our Houston Public Radio station. Here is mine. http://app1.kuhf.org/houston_public_radio-news-display.php?articles_id=27002
Loida,
As a former teacher, I especially loved yours. Thanks for providing the link!
Girl, you weren’t kidding when you said you were set for your vacation! LOL I pack my mags and books FIRST when I’m going on vacation 🙂
this seems a great feature to create you own mosaics here … even i’m addicted now!
I read about this movie last year and am so interested to seeing it. I also know about the real women behind this movie, who came together and fought for their union rights. I was appalled, when I read that the mega store, where I once bought my chic outfits, was behind this catastrophe. As a fashion designer, I know the work it takes to make a simple shirt or skirt, I also know first hand as a daughter of a former factory seamstress. I am proud of those women who let their voices be heard and said “Ya no mas!!!”.
Arriba las mujeres.
SLD
You are absolutely right, Steph. Basta!
nena i was born in puerto rico mooved to detroit now im in london england.
i understand you completely and wow u certainly have your head screwed on
*my mother is of mexican decendant and my daddy is of puerto rican and moroccan decendant weird i no but keep reppin us latinas mami!! im doin the same here in london 🙁 xxxx
cuidate xx
Stephanie made my accessories for my wedding day. My earrings and hairpins were beautiful. She is so talented! I highly recommend her to anyone that loves accessories and is looking for something unqiue that really speaks to their own style. I have no doubt that is just the beginning for Cruz Avenue!
Please take a moment to check out The Beautiful Women Project. The Beautiful Women Project is a traveling photography exhibition created in part by an Artist’s Grant from the New York State Council for the Arts. The photo-documentary shares the life stories of thirty five women ages three through ninety brought to life through their black and white images. Our message is simple, yet powerful: It is the sum of a woman’s life experiences that makes her beautiful. The Beautiful Women Project has been endorsed by The Women’s Media Center, The Lance Armstrong Foundation, and New York Congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand.
From the very beginning, The Beautiful Women Project has brought art and discussion into very public forums. Redefining beauty begins with the discussion that is fostered by our audiences’ experiences during and after their viewing of the images and stories of these amazing women. The Beautiful Women Project has partnered with various organizations to raise awareness for our shared messages and funding of our shared missions including: American Heart Association, Comprehensive Care Center for Eating Disorders, Girls Inc., New York State Business and Professional Women’s Scholarship Fund, Russell Sage College Wellness Center, ToLife!, Wiawaka Holiday Retreat House for Women, YMCA Reach Out for Youth, and other community organizations.
In October of 2007 the project entered a new phase: working with college and universities to create exciting programming incorporating our project, current courses of studies, and related popular culture topics and calendar weeks and months related to women. In January of 2008, The Beautiful Women Project released a nationally published book based on the exhibit, Beautiful Women, Celebrating Beauty in Stories and Stills (Bridgeway Books), and through the sale of our book, we are able to continue to give back to communities.
I would like the opportunity to speak with you about bringing The Beautiful Women Project to UNC Charlotte. I would like to invite you to our web site: http://www.beautifulwomenproject.org and look forward to speaking with you.
My whole life I felt like I was the “other” as well. Not spanish enough ,but not white. Somwhere caught inthe middle of what I should be, what others thought I was and what I am. As I read your book I found myself saying wow, I have finally come to feel comfortable in my own skin. I have told everyone about this book because as I have come to see, so many other Latinas around me feel the same. Thank you for making me feel like there is another side to a latin woman. I no longer feel like the “other” and I also think that this will help me in raising my beautiful girls into strong Latin women.
Patricia, Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am so happy that you found the book and that you enjoyed it. Your daughters are lucky to have you! Abrazos, Rosie
Thank you for sharing this email, Rosie. Please tell Sarah that she’s amazing!
wow..
wow you are truely a fabolous women aswell as a beautiful one . keep up the good work you are amazing . I am extreamly proud of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cool post! Very interesting! I love Stephen King’s “On Writing”, too…
Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
http://www.kunati.com/courage-in-patience
Chapter 1 is online!
I agree with you on the article. It was truly fabulous. I especially liked the quotes from Valorie Burton. She is one of my favorite life coaches and authors. She’s always been good about peeling back the onion to find out what you really want.
Their confidence is wonderful to behold. I wish I had a group of friends like that.
I read a study that suggested that a person will tend to gain weight should his or her friends also gain weight. It’s like a community standard, your friends.
YAY!! Congrats .. let us know when the mag comes out..
I love to organize..(weird I know) i think everything should have its own place in this crazy world ;-D
Ive been the the new house for almost 2 months and I was living out of boxes.. yea drove me crazy.. lol
I am with you– there is something so satisfying about an organized space. Ahhhhh…
Sounds like the boxes are now unpacked. Wish I could have been there to help!
Their confidence really is a wonder to behold. I guess confidence is their community standard– a pretty good one to have!
That’s great, Rosie! Congratulations on finding a better way.
i AM AN AMERICAN INDIAN/PUERTORICANIRISHPUERTORICAN/AFRICAN AMERICAN, I GOT PROBLEMS WITH THE PUERTO RICANS BECAUSE MY SKIN IS DARK, HOWEVER, I AM OF THE IRISH O’NIELL OF PUERTO RICO WHO DECENDENT FROM PORTUGAL AND ONE OF THE ANCESTOR OF ONIELL WAS ESPAINE, AND SPAIN WAS NAMED AFTER HIM, AND ONIELL IS THE DESCENDENT OF MILO AND SCOTIA, SCOTIA FATHER WAS AN EGYPTIAN PHAROAH AND ANCIENT EGYPT IS IN AFRICA AND IT WAS THIS EGYPTIAN PHAROAH DESCENDENT ESPAINE THAT SPAIN WAS NAMED AFTER, THIS ESPAINE IS MY RELATIVE. IT IS MY ANCESTORS THAT ARE THE REAL SPANISH. THE ANCESTORS OF ESPAINE(SPAIN), WHOSE ANCESTOR IS MILO AND SCOTIA .
Rosie, I am told that someone by the name of “Ureka” says hello. 😉 I’ve spent the last hour reading your blog and about your many amazing accomplishments. I am so happy for you! I’ve just ordered your book and can’t wait to read it. Please let me know if you ever get back to Columbia because I would love to see you.
Hi there! Found your blog through a very wise “Fighting Windmills” comment made on my blog. Can’t believe I haven’t been reading this for years! Looking forward to reading more here! Peace, Liza
Liza, Thanks for checking in! FW is fairly wise, isn’t she? I look forward to hearing your thoughts along the way and hope you’ll share your blog so I can learn from you. All the best, Rosie
Jenny,
How good to hear from you! Do you know that I found all of Ureka’s notes not to long ago? Oh, I laughed. Shoot me an e-mail when you get a chance to let me know how your life is going. I plan to be in Columbia in September. Hope we can get together then! Much love, Rosie
Thanks, FW. It’s always so nice to be able to quiet long enough to discover one’s rhythms and that act from that space. Here’s to hoping that this way sticks!
these are cool!
WOW! THIS IS A GREAT ARTICLE!
Thank you for this. I am half white, half PR. My white family is a very well to do, affluent, educated family from upstate NY. My PR family is very poor, uneducated an is plagued with inner city poverty and drug abuse. I grew up experiencing both sides of life. I know exactly how you feel, not being Hispanic enough for Latinos and not being white enough for white people. I recently went to a family reunion with my sister. There were some young cousins there we hadn’t seen in years who asked my Tia why were these white girls were at “their” party.
On the other side, my husband is of Irish descent and his family is very racist. “We don’t like blacks/Hispanics/gays, etc. but you are different” sort of people, who are also highly uneducated. Sadly, I no longer live in NY and where I am now, I am not white enough for the white people I associate with and not brown enough for the diverse Latin community around me. I think its easier being PR in NY, because we are of many different colors, whereas being a Latina in a Mexican neighborhood, my butt is too big, my hair is too curly and my skin is too white and my Spanish is not acceptable.
It is difficult to deal with this vast cultural dichotomy. I find it very hard to deal with people who don’t know I’m PR or my history and make snide comments about working class brown skinned people being “ghetto trash” or “cholos” in front of me.
I am so glad that I am not alone. ALL THE BEST TO YOU!
Thanks for sharing these opening lines, Rosie. They are great. My friend Lisa has a bookclub blog and she wrote a post about the first line making or breaking a book. You can read her post here.
High School Musical?!?!??!?! OMG!!! No way!!! LOL
Overflowing with questions.. Yes :-)..lol but we love that about U.
Awful liar.. Good to know..lol
Love people, not things.. Perfect
Ack! Rosie, I think I recognize those windows from a fraternity house! Too funny. Well, I bet you look great with bangs circa 2008. I am growing my hair out and wearing hairbands which reveal all of my forehead. I have some scars on my forehead, actually I have tiny scars on a lot of my face, but it doesn’t matter. My headbands are cute, so they provide distraction. LOL!
FW, I think you’re right! And I’ve seen the headband photos and they are darn cute! Actually, a headband was my go to technique yesterday when I didn’t feel like even drying my bangs. I never wore them as a kid and now I love them! Wear you headbands with pride!
Can’t leave out her highness the Queen Aretha Franklin’s “A Deeper Love” I love the remix.
What a great addition, Sara!
HiI Rosie,
It’s good to see that you are doing and looking so well. I found you on the Davidson website and saw that you had written a book. I read the excerpt from the book and found the passage to be quite touching and an honest portrayal of a lot of women who aren’t considered quite “American” enough. In any event, I live in Charlotte now with my husband, daughter, and pooch. I’m glad to see another Spring Valley / Davidsonian in the area. . .
Rosie,
So glad the book found you. Thank you so much for mentioning it to your readers. I am working on a follow up and it’s so much harder the second time. Your post gave me a real boost.
Kelly
Hey Linn! So good to hear from you and to know that you are doing well. Thanks so much for your nice thoughts! I hope to see you in Charlotte!
Kelly,
The book was so lovely– I laughed, I cried. Can’t wait to read the follow-up. Keep typing!
Rosie
Now lets give Miss Lola a break here.. How Do U know she doesnt do all that whinning when U leave.. U arent there to hear it right? 🙂
Oh yea and the shoe thing would get on my nerves 2..lol BUT ur right not a deal breaker .. Im just a neat freak 😉
Fair enough, I am not there to hear what Lola does when I leave but I will say that she does not whine when I leave and BF is still home. He gladly tells me that.
BF will be glad to know that my shoes in the kitchen would have driven you nuts, too– he read the blog and said, “People are going to think I’m crazy.” I said, “nope, they’re just going to think that you’re neater than I am which is true.”
Oooh so the BF likes to rub it in huh ..lol what a lil stinker!! 😉
BTW.. Uve never seen Steel Magnolias?!!? :-O
First, let me say I am equally as tired from the late nights for the past month and did a similar post on wil’s blog. And secondly, I too screamed so loud I have traumatized my child for life. I let out a dep scream and jumped around like a fool. My child looked at me, then his Dad and then screamed for the next 30 minutes. I traumatized him for good. At leat the Panthers won!
I too stayed up wayyy to late watching the olympics and fantasizing about Michael phelps and loathing all the athletes for being so darn talented. and anytime the panthers are on tv my life stops. haha it really does. im glued. its ridiculous. see u in class.
also, I meant to ask in my last comment about the edamame. I just bought some the other day and tasted it for the first time and it was great! I just ate them plain like peanuts and didnt know that you can boil them, that is a good idea and I am going to try it!!! I have been experimenting with becoming a vegetarian and eating less meat, but I am constantly losing weight. I lost 25 pounds this past year because of some things that I went through and now I am trying to gain it back!! I am experimenting with ways to get extra protein but still stay away from meat. were they mushy or soft? were they like beans after you boiled them? Im so excited to try this!
Ohhhhhhh….that’s wonderful!!! It never ceases to amaze me how people come together for a crisis. Fantastic!!
Brenda, you are so right. I was just so inspired when I read that news!
hola i’m kimi i’m half boricua my mom is and i’m learning spanish from my mom sometimes because she doesn’t like speaking spanish unless its her parents and trust me i’m learning too ooh not to be gay or anything but you are so cute you look like my cousin yumi lopez ya’ll look alike
hola chica this is kimi lopez and i’m proud to be half boricua too girl so where was you born in puerto rico or united states?
Well Happy Friendship Day! 😀
Okay, here I go, trying to comment through tears. Thank you for writing this. It sounds like a great way to honor him and your relationship with him by speaking about it at the assembly. He is cute, and I am sure he is very grateful to have you as his daughter!
Thank you, FW!
Here come the tears! What a wonderful post Moli.
He’s a good man! What tender and sweet words, thanks for reminding us all of the gifts are parents give us.
Thanks, Joy and Jen. And, Jen, my heart is forever grateful to you for your riding beside us– literally and figuratively- along the cancer roadways.
Looking good! I’m so glad your camera cooperated. 🙂
Love the pix.. thank you camera!
Do U wanna come over to my house and work on what we are calling the sahara desert.. 😉
oh btw.. That looks like a rooster to me 2.. tell ur bf that a rooster IS a chicken.. if he ment it was a hen he was still wrong..lmao… Sorry BF 😀
Thanks, FW! And Yvette, you are totally right. A rooster is a friggin’ chicken. So there, BF!
OK….you need to preface some of your blogs with “Kleenex needed! Be warned!” You just never know when you’re doing something so fundamental, so needed for a person. Thank you for opening my eyes to that.
I’m in and paying particular attention to:
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
x Rosie Molinary
I’m in!!
To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.
X Brenda Pavlov
I will help you spread the word. I’m in.
i love this!
sign me up.
How are your ears feeling today? My daughter just got diagnosed with ear infections and a sinus infection yesterday. She hasn’t been to school all week. Both she and my son are on antibiotics. I hope you are recovering!
*To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power. *
I pledge!
I’m here from Shakesville via Viva La Feminista!
I’m in!
-Evo
FW, Oh no! I can’t imagine being little and having to put up with all that head pain. Ay! Hope they are feeling better. As for me, I’ve turned a corner, too, after spending the whole day yesterday working in bed and with a few days of meds in me. Thanks for asking! Wishing your little ones a speed recovery!
I pledge all of these, but especially to give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
Thanks for this! I’m sending it on.
Jenn,
Great timing! Your highlighted point is mine as well and it came across my screen just as I was reaching for candy corn. Thanks for the intervention! Rosie
Pledging! Thanks for the forward jenn
I pledge!
especially this part….
“To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body. ”
Being in college can really make you put these things way down low on the priority list.
You know I’m so in!!!
I pledge to love my curves and to share the love of my curves!!!
Woootwooo!!!
I’m in baby!!! Loving the inside and outside!!!
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
This I pledge!
I’ll sign it…not sure I can live up to it, but by signing on, I will try even harder.
Ive been telling myself Im SEXY for yrs now..lol.. I love the smartass,silly, nerdy ME! 🙂
But Hey If U want to give me a prize for it ..OK Sign me up My friend!!
This is the part of the pledge that I will have to work hardest on, and then the rest will follow:
To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.
I am recently realizing how very hard on myself I am! I pledge!
I pledge!! I am a sexy, smart and crazy goddess of a woman!!! I pledge to embrace and flaunt every single one of my beautiful flaws. I know how wonderful I am and I pledge to let everyone else know it too.
X Michelle aka Mistress Rich Delish
How beautiful!!!
Oh yay! Thank you so much! I will wear it with immense pride!
This is something I’ve been working on for a while now, but I still have room for improvement….
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
So true—see it all everytime I look at Angel Mom!
Sign me up too!!! I pledge all of the above, paying special attention to the following:
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
I received my byoo-tee-ful shirt in the mail today! Thank you, Rosie.
IM IN!! this is my favorite part:
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
I need to thank my body for all the things I have made it through!!!!
This is so beautiful I actually printed it out and put it on the wall beside my bed! Ive been thinking about it and Im going to write my own when I get time so it can be more personalized. 🙂 what a wonderful concept/idea.
I came over here via Viva La Feminsta.
I am in! I love this! =)
I will link this up to my blog so others can know about this wonderful pledge and hopefully I can direct and encourage a few others to come over here.
to love my body and myself today…..
im in
Rosie,
Just rediscovered your blog, and added it to my google reader feed. So excited to keep up with all the wisdom you offer! Miss you…
Katy
Wooohoooooooo!!! I won! I won!!! LOL How’s that for being adult??? LOL
maybe tyra bank’s tzone foundation. im actually not too sure what it does but here’s the link.
http://www.tzonefoundation.org/
maybe Pantene Beautiful Length’s program? or Locks of Love? championing body/self-image in the face of adversity, and encouraging others to donate part of their own body/self-image to that cause?
I received my t-shirt in the mail and I love it! 😉
You do great work and I want to applaud you for that! 🙂
Thanks so much, Cecelia! And I am so happy that you love your shirt!
Thanks for the suggestions, Katy and Angelica. Great ideas. Katy, hope you are doing well!
OK usefull info I DO have in my head..lol
Keep a clear bottle filled with water around ur doors/windows.. it keeps the flies away 🙂
No way! Seriously?????? LOL
Seriously? Who knew?
I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of blog reading! I don’t know how I ended up back in September. Shoes on the floor? Please. Tell BF he’s lucky he didn’t marry a “bras-on-doorknobs” gal. And watch Steel Magnolias.
Ladies Im being FOR THR REALS!! Mmmmk!!
HELLO!! Useless crap in the head!! but this one IS usefull!! 😉
yea i agree im happy to see one of use changing the way ppl see us and not pregnant at a young age and stayin in school
SO WHEN is the big 35??
oh sorry I have nothing to add to ur list.. the only thing I plan to do next yr is go see a friend.. ALONE!! 😉 thats a big deal in my fam.. traveling alone..lmao
November 18th.
And traveling alone sounds devine!
Thanks Rosie for sharing this information. After talking with some girlfriends going through breast cancer, I understand how vital it is that we be really good girlfriends to help them deal and heal.
Thanks! Debba
http://www.girlfriendology.com
I have never found a book that made me say “that happened to me!” so many times. This book made me realized that I’m not the only one who has felt as an outsider or not Latina enough at time. Thanks you so much for writing a book that not only is relatable for me but for many other Latinas who has felt the same way!
Aileen, Thank you so much for stopping by! I am so glad that the book found its way to you. You aren’t an outsider and your experience is valid and valuable to understanding all of our stories! Hope you’ll continue to share your thoughts and experiences here!
Abrazos, Rosie
Hi Moli,
This reminds me that I have a Kiva credit that I need to use. Tell me the name and I will contribute to the same woman. My gift to you. I hope all is well. I love your blog btw.
Joy Blackmon
Joy!
How sweet are you. I just looked and my group raised all their funds, but there are some new entrepreneurs on there with amazing stories. Let me know if you pick one out– I can plug it here to see if we can get a few other people to contribute so that their loan is raised!
Love, Moli
And, how exciting for the two grandfathers that will bask in their grandson’s life as he matures by learning from and observing his parents as he makes his “mark” on the world!?!
I’ve known you through the sucias group and I even once wrote you a private email that somehow got lost in cyberspace. The gist of the email was to just let you know that even though you really don’t know me from a can of paint, you might be one of, if not the most calming, reassuring, loving, kind, inspiring people I “know”. There is something about you and your words and your spirit and your humor and your smarts that have always struck me as genuine, heartfelt and overwhelmingly filled with love and respect. I can think of no way that welcoming this boy into your home will be anything short of “the greatest gift”. This post is so incredibly insightful and beautiful and warm, you have no idea how amazed I (a person whom you’ve never even met) am by you and how strongly I feel that that boy would be one of the luckiest young people in the world. (And that’s no hyperbole.) What a blessing for a young person to be loved so much by his biological mother that she allows you and BF the blessing of being true parents to her son. Lucky guy! Truly. My prayers are with you and your family. Great day indeed!
Rosie, this is beautiful. This is moving. You are wonderful. Your son will have amost wonderful gift: you, as his mother!
Rosie is gonna be a mommy?!?!?!?!? COngratulations! I am so happy for you, and it seems like an amazing idea to me! Good luck and God Bless you and your family. I admire you so much ROsie, I am a better person just for knowing you.
Rosie, I am at a loss for words. What a beautiful post! You, amiga, are truly one of the most insightful, caring, grounded and special individuals I have ever met. As long as that little boy has you and BF guiding him through all the struggles in life, he will be just fine. Your love as a mother and your beauty as a person are the greatest gifts you can give that little man! I can’t wait to hear more about this exciting piece of news in your life!
Ah, Steve, this little guy certainly won the grandparents lottery! Kat, Joanne, Nancy, and Susana, your words leave me humbled and speechless. Thank you for the encouragement and support! To have friends like you is such a blessing in what I already know has been a very blessed life. Abrazos, Rosie
ROSIE!!!! OMG!!! I am saying prayers that everything will go smoothly and you will be welcoming in a new family member in January. HOW EXCITING!!! I cannot imagine a more wonderful home for this person to be welcomed in to. You are such an inspiration to me…and I luv ya Sister Sucia! (In a totally non-gay way, of course.)
Read “Why Do We Stay” in Skirt! today. You translated your own experience so perfectly, I was able to relate to the many women in your piece. Most recently, sadly, I most closely associate with the divorcing red-flag waver. However, as you point out so beautifully, I’m beginning to realize that listening to my own voice and being true to myself is a gift I’m giving myself.
Thank you from South Carolina
Congratulations!! What a blessing!! This child is going to be raised by the most caring & compassionate woman I know!! If you are ever in need of mommy advice, the sucia mommies & I will be happy to help!
What an incredibly touching and well-written post, Rosie. Many, many congratulations on your wonderful news!
Wow Rosie that was awesome. I’m so wishing you the best as you face this new blessing in your life.
This is fantastic news! Congratulations!
so many squishy hugs to you, daddy, and baby!!! you are such an inspiration and i have nothing but love for all of you. life has prepared you for this little man to come into your life. i love you!!!
Rosie, that documentary sounds really interesting. Did you have to buy it, or were you able to rent it somewhere?
Ashley,
We had a university copy. I noticed that they are selling individual copies on the web-site for just over $20 but I don”t kow about any rental options. It really is fascinating. If anyone does movie night with girlfriends regularly, it might be worth it to have everyone pitch in a few bucks to buy it, watch, and then discuss it.
Your sister did a great job knitting the hair for her children, Rosie! They look so sweet. I really enjoyed reading your list of things to love about October.
Great news, Rosie. Heartfelt congratulations. I’m so glad you chose to share this on your blog.
The kiddos look adorable!
What a wonderful idea. I was looking for a way to celebrate my 35th birthday and came across your page. You’ve inspired me.
Thanks!
The picture of the tattoo didn’t come through on my end, but I can imagine how cool it looks. MK is truly an inspiration to us all!!
i am very proud to have a mother as beautiful and wise as you. keep up the great work mommy. i look up to you and always will. thank you for being my angel.
Rosie your sister did a fantastic job creating costumes on Thing 1 and Thing 2!! I love it!! And I second your vote for soup season but I have to have a side of E! Talk Soup to go with it. I heart Joel McHale.
You’ll get there, honey!!! I just know it!
Your work matters to a lot of people, honey!
THANKS ROSIE! Such kind words…I am honored…
I don’t need another reason to love Etsy, as I’ve been a fan for a very long time.
I’ll definitely have to check out your sister’s cute knits!
Ro-Ro U are killing me here.. Those are sooo cute!!
i mean how cute is this stuff and the name of her little store! that’s awesome!
how did you make this dress, it’s awesome!!!! Can you please attach a description on how to make it?
Fifi, If only I had made it! It actually is a dressed I ordered that didn’t work for me and I was lamenting in the post that if I knew how to sew, I could have made the dress in a way that would have worked for me. Good luck to you on your sewing projects!
Awww, thanks, Rosie. I appreciate your support, and I enjoy working with you, too!
K
I’m so excited for you, that I have no words. So I guess I have to borrow (and modify) someone else’s: Yes you can.
This week the world lost a incredibly talented writer and beautiful woman. Lori Hall Steele died November 19th, 2008. Enclosed is the link to her Tribute written in the Record Eagle News.
http://www.record-eagle.com/local/local_story_325105009.html
Great article, honey! And you know how I feel about heels! LOL Why torture my feet when they’re just as happy in my tennis shoes or flip flops! LOL
Good advice, Rosie!
I was so excited to see your essay on skirt! magazine! That was awesome!
Add a tall glass of ice cold milk for that last one and I’m all over it. I can’t wait to eat mine tomorrow 🙂
I can’t tell you how grateful and lucky I am to have you in my life, honey!!! Hope you and BF have a wonderful day tomorrow!!
This book sounds good so far and i havent even read it
I am downloading these songs and i can’t help but add “Fighter” by christina aguillera. It gets my blood pumping.
Have I said you’re the bomb lately??? Well, you are!!!!
I love it Ro-Ro!! Im stealing this one!!!
Ah, thanks, B. It’s amazing how assertive and clear you can become if you just give yourself time!
In the name of women getting off the roller coaster, you can absolutely steal it, Vette!
I am almost done reading your book “Hijas Americanas” and
I must say, wow I finally feel like I am not alone. Your book has touched me in so many ways, and I wish that the affect it had on me could be shared with the rest of the girls here in my community. Is there anyway, that you can come to Lake Tahoe California for a workshop or perhaps a nearby city such as Reno Nevada or Sacramento California. I believe that the girls (and women) of our community would really benefit from the workshop. Please let me know if there is a chance and if there is anything that I can do to make it happen.
Gracias
AnaLiz, Thanks so much for stopping in and letting me know what the book has meant to you. I will send you an email to talk about the possiblity of going out to Tahoe. Abrazos, Rosie
The Performers?? Me?? No way! LOL
http://www.typealyzer.com/index.php?lang=en
As we are approaching the holiday season, I would suggest that an adult family member by the child/young person a blank journal (you can easily find these in Borders or Barnes & Noble) and start making journaling part of an every day activity. Perhaps you could start a family newsletter that way, or have your son/daughter record amusing stories of what happened at family get-togethers this holiday season.
Good luck!
Best, Cynthia
A journal is a great idea! I think this is a great place to let one’s son or daughter just write and draw without the grammar or story police editing things. And I love the idea of a family newsletter with a son or daughter as a primary reporter. Letting them take a few pictures, too, will really add to the fun. Great suggestions, Cynthia!
Seeker. I think that’s my word.
Whether it’s seeking the truth, an answer, meaning of life, etc. I’m questioning. Not that I’m curious by nature becaue I don’t think I am. I just have to question things in front of me. Sometimes I accept what is being told to me and sometimes I don’t. And sometimes, I wish I could turn it off and be “normal” but can’t. So seeker is my word.
Seeker. THe search for truth, meaning, discovery– great mission! Thanks for sharing, Icess!
Rosie, this story is so sweet. You two are adorable!
What a sweet, sweet story! So, what kind of ornament did you get BF this year??
Ah, thanks! So, I’ve tried over the year to continue the theme with the ornaments. When I went to buy BF that first ornament, I wanted to buy him a snowflake one since he had bought 12 snowflakes for this tree. No dice. I spotted the Jolly snowman and thought, “that’s close.” Since then, I try to find a snowman or a snowflake for his annual ornament. What I wish I had done was kept a list of which ornament was his anniversary ornament each year but I haven’t.
Aww thats cute!
Traditions? hmm..Oh My dad and I always put up our tree.. I still remember helping drag that old (ugly) tree out of the shed every yr.. we spent all day putting it up, finishing just in time 4 mom to come home from work..
Im the only one who decorates the tree now.. I take my time, I work at night after everyone has gone to bed.. and every yr I like to add a few new ornaments and retire some of older ones.
Such a good one, Rosie! I am obsessed with trying to find my word. I blogged about it…. I am officially a blogger.
I hear ya. I showed up today at Mothers Morning Out Christmas program in my workout clothes and all the other parents were dressed nicely. I don’t even think I’d brushed my teeth. I longed to be put together and dressed but like you, my workout rules my day. I have a nagging feeling to get a better schedule in order that allows me to workout and go out in public showered. I think I’d feel better about myself.
Martina McBride – Anyway & Independance Day
Kelly Clarkson – Break a away
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves – Eurythmics
Can’t Hold Us Down – Christina Aguilera
A Woman’s Worth – Alicia Keys
Think – Aretha Franklin
You Don’t Own Me – Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn & Diane Keton
A Lesson In Leaving & I’m Alright – Jo Dee Messina
These Boots Are Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra
I would like to gather the loving energy that surrounds the friends and supporters of those that have breast cancer……..and use it to discover what is causing all of this disease?
“Cure” is not enough. Even if we could cure 100% of all cases, we would still face THOUSANDS OF NEW CASES EVERY DAY!
We must work, as friends and colleagues, to discover the causes of breast cancer – to prive the “Pure cure” – save lives and spare women the disease!
Are you only accepting submissions from women? I’d like to write a peice.
Thank you, Rosie.
Have a happy holiday.
First, the book is fabulous and Nina Garcia is just as- if not more- fantastic than the book. She’s blunt and too the point. I love it.
Second, I want to say kudos for your Make An Effort resolution. I always make a point to not go out in my work-out gear for that reason. Obviously, if I’m going to Trader Joe’s, I don’t care about what I wear. But I can honestly say that after 3 and 1/2 years of college, I have never worn sweat pants to a single class. I think it affects your mind set. I refuse to put on a face of make-up if I’m working at home or going to the library, but being dressed in something other than my sweaty (and sometimes quite stinky) yoga clothes gives me more motivation. I know you need no help in the motivation department; but I think that you will reep an added bonus through this resolution. Making an effort, even if it is just a fabulous head-band, makes you walk a little different.
Third- YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY WATCH THE SEASONS PAST OF PROJECT RUNWAY. YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!!
Oh these were some of my faves 2! the one about John killed me and the ones about your dad, loved them 🙂
This year’s theme: FEARLESS
Life is about to change drastically for me. And although I’ve thought and planned for years about this change, I finally decided to have faith, believe in my dreams and step forward. Now there is no turning back, I have to be, need to be fearless.
That’s my theme.
Icess, I love it. On that note, I wear a necklace at almost all times that says Fearlessness. I love it. It is a fundraiser for Marishka Hargitay’s Joyful Heart Foundation (which supports victims of abuse) made by Me&Ro, and this thing just fills my soul with fierceness. You can google Me&Ro or The Joyful Heart Foundation if you want to wear your theme. It’s not inexpensive (I think my necklace was $100), but I put aside money from a few pay checks for it and was so excited when I had finally earned it. I am asked about it all the time and so I am constantly reminded to live my life with fearlessness.
Thanks Rosie for the positive and self-less ideas for 2009. I’m approaching 40 (a year or so out) and investing in others is an idea constantly on my heart.
I currently volunteer once a month helping out with some high school students, but I’m looking to do even more. Your post let’s me know I’m not alone.
Blessings,
shayonjoseph
Congratulations on all your sucess ! You are doing great things as if that is a surpise !
LOVE the bathroom! Im with BF, do the dishes right after ur done eatting!! ..lol but if hes leaving lights on and doors open I guess yall are even 😉
Thanks, Yvette! I’ll post a final picture of it when the art is up. I can’t wait to pick it up from the framing place. And I’m on day 4 of doing my breakfast dish immediately. On a roll, I tell you. I think I read somewhere that it takes 21 days for something to stick as a behavior so I still have some time to really prove myself.
So good to see you stop by, Kim! Thanks for your kind words. Hope your world is great! Anita Datsun.
Looks like you are doing some really interesting things at Rites Inc, shayonjoseph. I look forward to following along!
I wonder how I would score? Since graduating from college I’ve tried to err on the side of “classic,” because it’s so hard to find things that fit my tiny frame.
Classics for me –
A well-fitted leather jacket, black pumps, ballet flats, great sunglasses, little black dress, dark well-fitted jeans, a good pair of wear-with-everything boots.
I’ve never owned a pair of Converse. I don’t even know if I’ve ever tried a pair on. My fear is that I’ll look too much like a teenager again if I tried to wear them out. 🙂
Ashley, it sounds like you’ve made some really smart wise personal style decisions– and I do think you have to be careful when your frame is small.
I have to know more about your great sunglasses and your wear with everything boots. What have you found that you love?
Ah – Fossil has great sunglasses. Not ridiculously expensive, but nice. A good pair of tortie frames or aviators, or even solid black would work.
And the boots I ordered online at onlineshoes.com – http://www.onlineshoes.com/productpage.asp?gen=w&pcid=115602. Ridiculously comfortable and stylish with jeans or casual dresses. I bought the brown pair and really want to get the black, too. Must. exercise. restraint. 🙂
I have a leather motorcycle jacket, aviators (Ray Ban only, the silver frames with the dark lense is classic) and Wayfarers (again, Ray Ban only). They are my go to accessories. I love to pair the leather jacket with a really girly sundress and fun gladiator sandals. Other classics for me are a basic black pump to dress up anything. And leggings… American Apparel makes the best kind and they look great under dresses with boots. You’ll appreciate the comfort level.
About the silk scarf- I wear one with a funky print draped around my neck, not tied or anything, with a pair of dark skinny jeans and a white tee (which I can’t believe you don’t have Miss Yoga) and sandals. It’s not old lady if you funk it up and don’t wear it tied around your neck like a Pink Lady swooning after John Travolta.
A suggestion- ankle boots. Or booties, if you will. They look great with a skirt and blazer. Total fabulosity.
And I’m so happy that you watched Project Runway. It is addicting!!!!!
And the CONVERSES- I have a teal pair (which I got for 15 bucks at TJ Maxx) that I pair with skinny jeans that make me desperately wish that I grew up in the 80’s. I want a pair in every color. Especially coral.
Oh, I have a white tee. It’s just disgusting and lost it’s shape and looks great under a hoodie but wouldn’t under a blazer. I need a nice white tee.
Teal converse? Those might be my mothership! Yeah, I loved my Converse back in the 80s and 90s. I am so getting another pair.
I am rocking a pashmina scarf today around my neck. It’s 0mbre dyed from red to pink and I feel very smart with it, my tank and cardigan, and my hair up in a bun. Hooray for making an effort!
So do you think that just anyone can rock Wayfarers or Aviators? I am wholly convinced that I would look a-fool in either.
I am downloading past seasons of Project Runway on my IPod. Can’t wait to see more!
You could absolutely pull off aviators!!!! They are a classic and look good with almost every face shape. They come in different colors and sizes too- I went with the large ones. Wayfarers are a bit funkier but just as practical. Black wayfarers are a winner. For you, I think Aviators are more your style. You would NOT look like a fool. Don’t knock it ’til you try it, you might be surprised.
American Apparel t-shirts, although expensive for plain cotton ($15-20), are fantastic. They never lose shape, last forever, and are made and produced in the USA. You walk in one of those store, get a little dizzy from the techno, and it’s like, “Holy Cotton, Batman!”. But I swear, you’ll never want to wear another t-shirt. They’re ‘nice’ t-shirts and come in every color imaginable! That is my go to place in the summer.
And your ombre scarf sounds quite fabulous. Ombre is like the chic version of tie-dye. Ombre…I’ll love you forever.
Oh, wow!!!! That’s so very interesting and not a person I honestly would’ve thought of.
Thanks so much for posting this info! When you’d posted about the film before, I was bummed that I couldn’t watch it.
I’ve had a few people close to me get them so this is fascinating to me.
Examine the wrinkles in the shrinking boob job biz!
Read – Economy sags and bustlines droop:
andeeroo.wordpress.com/
Ohhh – how cute this turned out, and I just love the color!!! Did you pick up to artwork yet? Can’t wait to see it!!! Sounds adorable from what you mentioned the other day!!!
Wellll, I have a silk scarf from Italy that I’ve tried to sport but I just feel too “classic” for my style! Can’t live without my black spiky boots. Love my leather coat. No white t-shirts, do black count? I live in my hoop earrings! I bought a pair of white gold, just bigger than a quarter, and for xmas I picked up a pair of small hoops to sport in my top holes. Love love love them. I can’t live without my Michael Kors sunglasses that were a xmas gift (of course I picked em out) and my MAC lipstick. Oh and hun – you can rock what ever you choose!!!
Ashley, those boots are way cute– brown was a great color to go with (if you HAVE to exercise restraint). Christine, American Apparel is a great idea for a white t-shirt. It’s on my list! Suez, what color is your MAC shade of choice?
We get the artwork this week! I’ll definitely post pictues once we have it hanging.
LOL….your niece sounds like a trip and a half! Oh, yeah, will you send some of that “get up and go” my way??
I think it’s a fab idea, Rosie! Although I think there should be a seperate section for Lola stories. The stories about her make me laugh out loud. I can’t even contain it…. the story about her winter rut… it killed me!
Well, then you are going to love her latest antics. In fact, I’ll make them tomorrow’s blog!
Oh, Rosie, seeing your baby’s nursery just made me cry! I am so excited for you!
Awww.. The room looks great! I cant wait to see pix of the baby in his room.
Well I say let Miss Lola have Le Phant for now.. U said she loves babies, well then she will 4get all about him once yours gets there.. U can just get baby a new toy.. let him pick it out, could be fun for everyone 🙂
ROFL…….I cannot wait to hear the stories of little man and Lola getting it on and to find out who wins!!
This is great info. My BFF has just been diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. I’ll be checking for great ideas. Thx
Solvangirl, I am so sorry to hear about your best friend. I also suggest you– and perhaps she– check out The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. Its a very encouraging memoir about a 30-something woman during her fight against breast cancer. Another great resource are the two Crazy Sexy Cancer books by Kris Carr. Wishing you and your friend all the best!
I like the structure/freedom ratio you’ve laid out. It looks like a good plan!
You might enjoy reading this article. I loved that arrangement too. I was singing along once I recognized the tune.
Thank you so much for that article, FW. I loved knowing more about that piece and what all it evokes. It’s just beautiful.
When my time comes, I look forward to singing to my children. And once they’re bigger, to sing with them. It makes me warm and fuzzy whenever I think about it.
Congrats again! 🙂
Oh, Ashley, I love, love, love singing but I have an awful voice. i actually thought about taking singing lessons just so I could sing to him and not have him cover his ears. The time ran out on the front end but that might still happen this spring! Sing on, girl!
Just beautiful, honey!!!
Oh goodness, Rosie, baby Abram is SO beautiful!!!!! Congratulations! You must be absolutely over the moon. Please post more pics when you get rested up (if that ever happens again 😉
Mika
Oh my, so beautiful. Congrats! Joyous. So joyous.
Oh, Rosie! I am so happy for you! I can’t wait to meet this little wonder.
Lots of love!
you made it back! i can’t wait to hear about it! congrats and he’s beautiful. seriously, he’s a beautiful boy. i’m thrilled for you both.
What a beautiful baby boy! Congrats again, and I can’t wait to see more pictures!
Look at those dimples, momma!
How awesome is that…He’s so excited to have you two as parents…Congrats again!!! He’s beautiful!!
Absolutely GORGEOUS!!! This picture totally melts my heart. God is good indeed! *hugs* You absolutely MUST nibble on his adorable cheeks for me… Luv ya, Mama Rosie!
Ay mama he’s just gorgeous!! And that smile! I can see why looking at him makes you cry. Enjoy all the beauty that motherhood brings. Love you my boricua sister.
Awwwww! Just so adorable!!!
Congrats. He’s a beatiful baby!
Oh my gosh. He is so beautiful! I can’t wait to meet him!
Post more photos as you get them!
I cannot believe that child only cried for 10 minutes of 42 hours of travel. That is wonderful…..I can only imagine how tired all three of you are. Blessings to you all.
OH Rosie! I was just wondering what the status was….I am SO THRILLED for you and your family. Baby A is absolutely gorgeous and I wish you alllll the best. I can’t even wipe the grin off my face, I’m so happy for you!
Most people have to wait soooo long, but you picked the right agency 🙂 I also could have had this time line if not for a glitch getting my birth certificate (it didn’t exist and the State Department took 6 weeks to tell me that, and another 3 weeks to get a Consular Declaraion of Birth Abroad). But now, it’s on!
Congrats again! How is it going now that you’ve been home a few days? Any attachment issues or is it all smooth so far?
ROSIE! What a doll! I am so happy for you and your family!
Rosie, he is just adorable! We are thrilled for you and cant wait to meet Abe and introduce him to Nate! Love you guys–
Rosie, congratulations. Abram is adorable! I’m sorry about his digestive issues. He might be sensitive to some of the ingredients in the formula. They can be downright nasty. I’d stay away from cereal! There’s more information about why here. He can eat egg yolks at this point, and next month he’ll be able to eat mashed bananas.
Thank you all so much for the well wishes! I look forward to sharing our experiences with you.
FW, Thanks SO MUCH for this information. I bagged the cereal after less than 24 hours and it is still coming up in his spit up. I said to BF jist hours ago, is this stuff just indigestible? I like this natural approach to feeding and look forward to learning more.
Mika,
I was born abroad too and had some difficulties with the State Department. Glad it is all straight on your end and that it’s on! The Q&A piece talks a litlte bit about attachment, etc. Hope it helps and feel free to send any other questions my way!
You are doing a great job. It’s a crazy, crazy time trying to figure out what makes him happy and you guys are doing it all right. I know he’ll work himself out. You are all loved!
Hey!!! What a blessing that the airport trip was not a nightmare for him, I know missing the connections, etc was hard, but YAY! for little man!
It took us almost 2 years to finally get Ayannah diagnoses with acid reflux, and Isabella with weak mouth muscles. Just follow your momma gut and know that it is NORMAL to play the “guess game” to narrow down what is bothering them. I have seen you guys first hand and you are doing GREAT!
MISS YOU GUYS!
Oh good, Rosie. I was hoping you would take my comment the “right” way and not be offended. I don’t know why doctors even recommend grains so early. They are indigestible and not even nutritious. Good luck figuring out Abram’s little tummy!
He is georgeous!! Congratulations!! We’ll have too make it to NC soon!
Oh now you have me in tears on the “first meeting” story. I’m oh so happy for you and BF and Lola!!! Keep on keeping on with adjusting Abram’s diet – you’ll find the right balance soon. Whew. Tough stuff.
And the beginning of a long and loving relationship has begun! Baby A is just so precious! And i’ve fallen in love w/his dimple 🙂
Aww.. yay!! they love eachother already.. even Mr Phant is getting a lot of love 😉
Great pix Ro-Ro!!
Aww, Lola is a gentle girl, eh? Good girl Lola! Baby A is smitten, I can tell….
Heck I’m only discovered you due to the baby news so feel free 😉
Love these pictures of Abe meeting Lola!!! Best friends already!
Rosie- that smile of his is going to get you into big trouble one day… one word- PERFECT.
These are too cute! Babies and dogs are a lethal cute-combo. 🙂
Thanks so much, everyone. Babies and dogs are a lethal cute combination. These two are fast buds. When baby cries and we’re trying to soothe him, Lola looks so put out with us like, “that’s all you got?” But her big licks stop the tears. She’s got the magic touch!
CONGRATULATIONS on your beautiful baby boy! Your story brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you, Shoegirl! It’s been a wonderful journey!
And next winter, Abram can borrow Wil’s ’09 edition of Blue Bear….Brown Bear. I’m glad you’ve found use in something and it seems to help!
OMG that is too funny!
And Peggy McIntosh rocks. I pull out her essay every time I do a diversity group.
Baby privilege rocks! I love how you wrote this up.
Awww New Parents.. Its a whole new way of thinking.. thats gonna take time (from what I hear)..lmao
Loved this. I think being able to laugh at yourselves as parents will take you far. 🙂
Loved it! U are beautiful because u are Salvadorean!
Have you read “Why do All the black kids sit together in the cafeteria?” ? It speaks about this too…very insightful. My husband was the “token” black student in almost all of his high school classes(we went to high school together) and he and I read the book to each other going cross country, it was the beginning of several great discussions….I am going to look up the “invisible backpack” peice you are talking about too.
Baby Priveledge allowed me to walk across a busy street in San José, shortly followed by my dad who almost got run over by the guy who had stopped for me. Babies stop traffic!
Great read!
ok, both of those stories are hysterical. you gotta laugh!
I love him, I love him, I love him!! Abel is sitting by me and he said “endrieus”
I miss our group. I miss Ethiopia.
God bless and thanks for sharing your stories!
A privileged position; the possession of an advantage white persons enjoy over non-white persons. Except in India where brown people have brown privilege over the Untouchables.
A special advantage or benefit of white persons; with reference to divine dispensations, natural advantages, gifts of fortune, genetic endowments, social relations, etc. Except for Arab Muslims in such countries as Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan and Yemen.
display of white privilege, a social expression of a white person or persons. Unless you live in China or Burma.
There is no such thing as white privilege nor is there anything wrong with {privilege} per se. Privileges are neither moral or immoral since every ethnic group on this planet maintains its own set of cultural/social /racial and religious privileges.
McIntosh’s privilege list can be applied to any society and doesn’t even deal with true privilege. The privilege list reminds me of a list of sins which white people must confess to-with the guilt already pre-determined.
Ah! I love these pics. Lola & Abram are impossibly cute together. Thanks for all the great information on your – this is great! 🙂
please see the link >
http://about-orphans.blogspot.cokm
I really appreciate the way you are able to put all those ‘mommy feelings’ into words so gracefully. People ask how I am all the time and I am more than “good” I am in my ‘own skin’ in life…where I felt I have been prepared to be for so long. It is hard to describe to people.
Love the pics:)
Oh this is a wonderful post!!!! I hope I learn all thiese things too. I wish I never had to go back to the office and could walk around town all day with my daughter….. that would be so excellent. I’m ready for some nice arms too!
Rosie this post makes me look foward to motherhood so much. I’m not planning on being a mother for a long time but you make it sound so absolutely fulfilling. You’re inspiring in this ‘work’ as well.
On another note, his skin is enviable. Absolutely beautiful. It’s always the boys that get the beautiful skin AND the long eyelashes. Edible, I tell you.
How beautiful your boy is. Blessings, Betsy
This is incredible, thank you so much for putting this all down. Our court date is April 13th….. hope to use this information May/June. Thank you, Betsy
knowing, bf makes this story even funnier!
ROFLMAO………poor BF!! That just traumatized him!!!
OMG! hilarious post!
SO PRECIOUS!!!!!
Ads are one of the main reasons we cut out cable. We are not anti cartoons or anti college football, we are grown adults and can pick good shows to watch or not, but the commercials and the ads are too much….even just morning cartoons you have “buy this” and “look like this” and “this fashion”….the cartoons we let the kids watch most are playhousedisney because they do not do ‘regular commercials’ there is some major major Disney ads for movies and shows but they are MOSTLY age appropriate…but ironically enough we do not do Disney Princess either *smile*
You’ve probably seen this, but if not it’s funny. http://www.adoptmed.org/topics/sleep-and-adoption.html
Also, if you need to comisserate, my mom swears I didn’t sleep through the night until I was 4. (But don’t worry, Abram will be better than that). And look how well I turned out!
Katy, I haven’t seen that. Thank you so much for sending it. It made me laugh which made me feel better and it just made me feel better. Shame on you, though, for even mentioning the age of four. Actually, I would be just fine if he went back to waking up only 6 times a night. I can do a lot with several two hour naps!
Say it isn’t so??? I thought little man was making progress.
I so love the dedication and commitment you two are putting into Sweet Baby A. It is a reminder to all parents of how precious our children are.
1.) I had no idea you taught classes at UNCC. I have many friends that went there (grew up in Charlotte then moved to Atlanta in 1997) and they may have taken your class. 🙂
2.) If you ever speak in Atlanta for your new books (or for Hijas Americanas) please put it on here so I can make sure I can come!
ROFLMAO……and remember that Salma Hayek is going to play you!!!
I love the alternate universe where Salma Hayek plays me in a movie. Thanks, B!
I just started at UNCC this year so I think I probably missed out on your fabulous friends, Ashley! I’ll definitely let you know next time I have a gig in Atlanta! I love that city!
Ah, thanks, Jenny. We’ve learned by watching great parents like you and Trey!
Can I borrow this to help my family understand the why’s of not having airport parties and “show off the new grandchild” parties?? I’ve tried explaining verbally but having it straight from a pediatrician might help….
Absolutely, Mika and come back next Thursday because I’ll have my family letter posted and you might incorporate the family age stuff and any of these pediatrician instructions into the letter too (we did incorporate some of it)!
I would suggest Not a Pretty Girl by Ani Difranco(a lot of her songs are really poetic actually)
I actually love the picture!
So true on having to define “good” before you can say you are or are not 🙂 If I was “good” my high school years, I would have never sneaked around to date my now husband. If I was “good” my college years I would have never fought my way to an early graduation and been a student Interpreter the second semester…
I think when we stand our ground and say what “good” is for us..it eventually gets accepted as our “normal”…my husband, our kids, my career, homeschooling, international adoption, etc… the people that once said we were “weird, rebels, oddballs” now claim us as having a “good” lifestyle, a happy family…. ironic!
Jillian, that is so well-expressed. When we do stand our ground with what our good is, others become able to see the goodness ibn it and us. We just have to brave enough to go there first to say it first!
I hit submit too fast, Jillian. I love that you always saw the goodness in your life and didn’t let anyone distract you from both the truth and your truth.
I
A Tape measure & masking tape?? so yall just went all BRADY BUNCH with this one huh¿.. lmao thats funny 🙂
ROFL….I was wondering what the pic had to do with what you posted! Do like the picture though 🙂
Words can not describe how many times I was shunned because of my appearence. I am Nuyorican, my parents originally from Puerto Rico. I speak very good spanish, I’m olive tone with brown hair and eyes. My features are of the many mixes my family has along with being latina. Some people think I’m Brazilian while others Italian, while others Columbian, while others Cuban… the effen list never ends and it’s because people have fixed ideas about people and places that aren’t factual. They are ideas. I consider myself to be a very good looking abd bright young woman. Being of Latin descent does not make me the person I am. I do. I LOVE my ethinicity but an educated person should know that ethinicty is not define by color or the roundness of your eyes, or the slant of your nose, or the thickness of your lips. Ethicity is not a fixed breed or race or blue print to what is expected of an individual. Being Latin is an ethicity… an enculturation of people brought together through history. Being Latina is a big part of my culture, not a definition of who I am as a human being because we all bleed red.
What a great article on the girls’ “survivor” trip! Have you gotten any feedback from the article?
that story kills me!!!! killls!!!!!
Yvette, you are so right. We did go all Brady Bunch on the situation. That’s what happens when you’re in your 30s. You go Brady Bunch.
We’ve had a few people inquire about bringing Circle to their schools. We’re hopeful that that is something that we can easily answer yes to in the coming years!
One of the things that I think women of color still face is the under-representation of women of color in politics. Although there are women in Congress and a female Secretary of State, almost all of them are white. Like many before me have said, HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. If it is true this time around- which it is thus far- females of any color will be the last to be represented in politics, tied closely with homosexuals. First, black men- OBAMA; then white women- why Hillary didn’t win; then the “rest”. I would be very curious to learn of statistics on women of any color and how they feel about being underrepresented in politics in not just gender, but of race as well.
Hope it helps…
That smile could not be gas. You are doing such a good job as a mom, Rosie! I love these posts about your baby.
That smile is PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SO beautiful!
He is soooooo adorable!!!! Look at those eyes! that smile!! Lucky you!
Beautifully written!…This has been a year of defining who I am by my own standards and then applying it to each aspect of my life. Very slowly, very painfully at times…My next mission will have to be finding a phrase/word/theme to keep me on the path…
Faith.. in the coming months im gonna need to have faith .. not just in God but in other ppl 🙂
Rosie…I can’t tell you just how long I have bee on this blog right now…and how I have tears in my eyes.
Shamefully I hadn’t been around here in so long and after you made my heart smile by leaving me the TED comment – I decided to come back around these parts and see whats up with you (especially because Gregg and I haven’t given up on thinking about NC).
When we first met one of the things we both had in common was the ‘no children’ thing and all of our mixed feelings with that…anyways I have now been through pages and pages of your post – especially looking for the how and when baby A was born into his new life. I am so so so happy, impressed, proud and quite honestly a bit forlorn…Gregg and I looked into this two years ago…but just look at how your power of intention works. Congrats my lady and may your new life be filled with countless more blessings and daily peace.
-marisol
Rosie ~ You are always so eloquent. This one really touched home with me. My word is “appreciative.”
lmao.. best pix ever!! poor “baby face”
btw did U hear thats his nickname 😉
“The baby face”
The baby face. It’s perfect for him. I’m going to start calling him that at home!
That last picture is HILARIOUS!!!! luv him! How dare you make him eat sweet potatoes! lol
Rosie, so cute! Love the sweet potato pout.
Well said and a list that deserves being passed on!
you do what you have to do. it’s amazing how creative you can get too!
too funny! I can tell you we have done worse when we were desperate for sleep…I will leave it at that *smile*
OMG *picks jaw off ground* WTH am I gonna do without a partner to help?????
Mika, I think we may have found a new strategy. I am doing an experimental period before I talk about it, though. If it work, I’ll definitely share it here!
FYI- Along with our no Santa, we are also no (disney) princess…we want our babies to be valued without the crown, the daring rescue from a man, and a kiss…..we want them to know that marriage is the beginning and not the “happily ever after” ending…we can’t wait to read the stories they write with their lives…without us sitting in the director, producer, and script writer chairs…
I love what you said and how you said it, Jillian. “We want them to know that marriage is the beginning and not the happily ever after ending… we can’t wait to read the stories they write with their livves, without us sitting in the director, producer, and script writer chairs.” Well said!
People are just clueless.
Clueless, or nosy.
Recently, I’ve had quite a few people come right out and ask me “What type of surgery are you having?” when they learned I was going to be out of the office.
Uhh…. the type that’s called “none of your damn buiness” that’s what type!
Oh, Mika, your “in your mind reply” is hysterical. But, seriously, don’t you want to come up with the most horrifying surgery of all as your answer just so they learn or I am the only person who thinks like that!
Ha! I never even thought of that. Maybe next time (some are still asking) I’ll say ” Well, I had an anal-reconfiguration-ectomy which involved taking flesh from my ovaries and twisting it into a lower colon-esque type tube which was then sewn onto my uterus. Why do you ask?.” I’ll save that one for the men who ask 😉 Men love talk of ovaries and uteri.
In response to your comment in my blog:
“Really Rosie? You thought she was zen-like? As a soon-to-be SINGLE parent… I can’t tell you how much that is music to my ears… I guess I’ll find out, eh??”
Ok, I love the tiny car. I’ve been looking for a tiny car for Wil, where did you get this one? I think Wil would love a car.
Jen, it was given to us as a gift so I’m not sure where they bought it but it is The Whisper Rider by Step One. It’s been a hit, and Wil would look very cool in one. I see Whisper Rider derbies in our future!
oooooooooo so precious!!!! I know you guys are just totally in love with him!!!
Could that sweet boy be any cuter!?! Tsegaberhan has kissed the computer screen at each picture. Thanks for sharing a bit of your days with us, we loved it!
OMG that baby food picture is precious! His eyes! His EYES!! My God, slay me now.
Hmm… I’m liking his schedule. Nap at 9 AM? That’s my kind of guy! Will you guys adopt me too? I’m sooo tired of this 40 hour week, I need some naps, and play time.
thanks rosie! my favorite is him in his car looking like he owns the world. watch out world!
I love that boy!!! I want to kiss his face off.
I believe I ….have to be SKINNY to finally get the “atta girl” from my dad I have always longed for…
I believe I….am sometimes afraid to start really loosing weight, because I don’t want the possibility that he may just never say it.
What worries you?….husband’s deployment
I am excited by…my children, the possibility of going back to Ethiopia in Sept…and new projects!
There’s such a feeling of love and care in your sign off from a note. I feel like you are giving a big hug when you close a note to me. I love that in you! And, I love that little boy, you all are too sweet.
awww. You just totally freaked me out to get on the plane next week!
I think the name Jedidiah means ” you are loved” and “blessed” we have always used those terms around our loved ones as well. We neve used the name for our kids since we are
Jeff
and
Jen
too many J’s I think to add another.
Hence:
Gweneth
Moses
Reed
Grace.
Love the pics of your son. He is simply breathtaking. So are you.. the “momness” radiates.
Oh wow! i didn’t know that Jedidiah meant that although I have noticed it used more and more often– what a great meaning! And what I didn’t put in this post (because it was in an earlier post) but that you should definitely know before you get on the plane is that Abram only cried for 10 total minutes in 42 hours of travel. It was 2 separate 5 minute crying jags and they were totally bearable. He did great and the plane flight was so much easier than I anticipated as the planes are so big and hangle every bump in the air as if they don’t even exist. The mental game we did on ourselves was far worse than the reality but the baby labor metaphor just helped me put in all perspective!
I gotta tell you, the Miracle Blanket is a freaking miracle. Seriously, a miracle. My friend Jo Jo showed it to be and if there were a religion devoted to Miracle Blankets, I’d join. Good luck! Next up, granola without pistachios. 🙂
bummer about your hair.. I had the exact same thing happen.. luckily it grew back!! 😉
you could try a Peke Moe with your baby – http://www.pekemoe.co.nz, worked really well for our boy when transitioning from the swaddle.
Thanks so much for the suggestion, Pearl! I’ll have to check it out!
Oh, Rosie!!! He’s so beautiful! I got to see Ruth in February out on Whidbey Island and she told me all about him- so happy to actually get to see him… Congrats to you and “BF”- your cup runneth over, no doubt!
Not only is baby loved, he’s loved by one of the most amazing women I have ever met. Blessings abound. Mazel tov! 🙂
Ah, thanks, Shaw!
Ohhh my friend – the Lola thing just cracks me up. Yeah – she’ll be all over that boy when he’s walking around with a hot dog in his hand!!! lol.
And oh my how adorable that lil man is!!!
Bummer on the granola deal. hhhmph.
Poor Lola!!! LOL She’ll forget all about these torturous months when little man starts feeding her! LOL
I totally cut my hair off to try to get my baby boy to stop pulling it. Probably cut about 20 inches off. That was 3 years ago and he still pulls my hair incessantly.
20 inches? Holy Cow! And it didn’t even save you from the pulling? Sadness! I’m finding that I’m still getting my hair yanked, too. Oh well. At least it’ll take less time to dry.
I love to read about life at home with baby…what a precious family you are!
thats my teacher.
I want a vegetable garden as well but I have no idea how to start. Let me know if you figure it out.
OMG U are killing me with these Pix of “the baby face”!!! so cute!!!!!
“are U tured??” whats the old saying.. “does a bear sh** in the woods?” 😉 DUH! ALL new parents are tired..
Oh Poor Miss Lola.. Send her some love from me.
ALL baby formula stinks and SOY formula? ugh..spray some fabreeze.. lmao
longer/shorter hair.. either way ur a cutie Ro-Ro 🙂
ok dang fingers and my type-os.. LMAO!! ” tured” TIRED u know what I meant 😉
Tured is how we say it around here, Yvette! And thanks for your sweet thoughts! I’m keeping you.
#4 and #5 are so true. I truly believe you were there for a reason. I’m so blessed that God allowed our paths to cross.You made more of an impact on the EC members lives than you know.
You are loved ;-).
We have four children, and here’s what we did with all of them:
1. No schedule. We let them sleep when tired, eat when hungry, play when awake. We didn’t use the clock, because their little systems are constantly resetting and adapting. They got in a “routine”, per se – but it was very varied. Naps where whenever they fell asleep. Nighttime? They may not fall asleep until 11 p.m., or may be out at 7. No fighting them to get to sleep when you let them dictate when they’re ready! 😀
We always had a family bed, so we slept fantastic. Since I never had to get up and go get baby, I rarely woke with any of them. So co-sleeping is one HUGE solution to sleep problems. Baby feels safe and secure, it’s natural and loving, and a nurturing gift to your little one. He hasn’t even been out of the womb as long as he was in it – a crib is a big scary cold place!
2. We never got into a “ritual” for bedtime. No bath-book-cuddle. We bathe the babies when they’re dirty, and snuggled to get them to sleep. It never required a routine, I’d never even heard of such a thing until I started visiting message boards! (my oldest is 16 – my youngest is 1).
3. We fed only on demand. Some days they would eat more, some less. Again, we never used a clock – I’m not hungry at precisely 6 p.m. every night, no way is a growing baby. We start ours on table foods at 6 months, so they ate meals with the rest of us – breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. They ate whatever the rest of us was eating.
4. All of ours slept on their tummies from birth. We never had to deal with gas or reflux pains, baby slept fantastic, never had flat spots, nothing.
5. Never swaddled ever, since our babies were tummy sleepers from the moment they came from the womb.
6. I would never ever leave a baby to cry for any amount of time. Ignoring a crying baby is like ignoring a fire alarm, in my opinion. Baby needs constant assurance mama is there for him – they are not independent beings ready to be separated so fast. Since we co-slept, baby rarely woke crying because when they woke, they were snuggled safe and sound between daddy and mama. If they were in a separate room, I would race to them the moment I heard a cry. They need love as much as food and milk! 😀
This worked for us. I truly believe trying to set any schedule with a baby under about a year old is an exercise in futility. I’ve read about parents spending two hours trying to get a baby to sleep, when if they’d have just waited two hours, baby would’ve easily gone down. Make sense? Anyways, I just believe in following their cues alone – I don’t use clocks to determine hunger or sleepiness. It also worked out great because I never had to leave somewhere or change a schedule because it was “nap time”. Our four napped anywhere they wanted to, any time they wanted to.
Sorry for the novel, I hope I gave an idea or two, and congratulations on such a wonderful miracle to be loved and cherished. They grow up SO fast, enjoy this time – really, you will miss it. Good luck.
Sandra,
This is great feedback. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience and knowledge. So a question about feeding on demand and sleep. We adopted our little boy and he was fed on demand at the care house so we wanted to continue it so that there was one less transition to worry about. It seems, however, that the desire to be feed is what wakes him a good bit at night. Did you have that experience?
Thanks so much!
Yes, the hairdresser cut so much off that she was able to donate it to Locks of Love.
Before becoming a mother I thought that children went to bed at 8 and stayed asleep. My daughter would fight that bedtime with all her might. So I gave up. Seriously. The times that I did manage to get her asleep before 9, she would always wake up at 11 because she thought it was a nap. It drove me crazy!
And my son is the same way. He would want to breastfeed three hours straight before being ready to sleep around 10:30 or 11. Around 9 months I stopped responding to him at night. We did our best to ignore his crying for a few weeks as he learned that no one was coming. I wanted him to learn to sleep 9 or 10 hours in a row. At that age he had already transitioned from two naps to one. His one nap was about 2 hours long, sometimes 3.
He preferred sleeping on his stomach with his bottom in the air once he wasn’t being swaddled anymore, but in the swaddle he would sleep on his back.
I didn’t give my son solids with any regularity until he was a year old because they all seemed to cause him pain. He would have tastes of banana and yogurt every once in a while, but not as a “supper” food. My sisters-in-law, who became mothers long before me, always recommended solid food as a breakfast or lunch, but not as a supper. I think that’s because they can cause discomfort to sensitive stomachs.
Bedtime is where I am really slack as a parent. My children now go to bed around 10 or 11 each night. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help!
And I agree with Sandra that “routines” are a myth because as soon as you get used to something your child does, it changes. My son’s two hour naps are whenever he feels like it. I never force a schedule with him and he is very easy going and pleasant. My daughter only wants to take a bath or shower 2 or three times a week. My son loves baths, but usually in the afternoon. It’s not a part of our bedtime routine.
Yes, ours often woke to be fed. I was fortunate enough to breastfeed, but I would’ve fed formula the same way. Maybe have a bottle of water with a separate container of formula ready to shake up right there – he doesn’t need it heated, room temp is okay too… that way it’s quick and easy, you’re not going downstairs or anything like that.
It’s just not natural for a baby to sleep through the night, especially before a year old. I’m not sure where this myth got started, it’s not a goal to be achieved, it’s nature doing it all on it’s own. Their systems are growing SO fast, they may need to eat every 4 hours, and some less or more. One of my four woke about every two hours to eat until she was about 10 months old – and that’s perfectly normal. Some babies may not sleep through until closer to two – and they really aren’t sleeping through at that point, they’re just not in need of food, so they go back to sleep. And of course, the RARE exception is the one that sleeps through early on. But that’s an exception.
As an adult, even we don’t sleep thorugh the night – but we’re mature enough not to need parented back to sleep.
I just beg of you, please don’t ignore his cries – he’s not learning to self-soothe, he’s learning no one cares enough to help him. Babies aren’t born independent, parenting is a 24 hour job – parenting a baby to sleep is one of the most important things you can do. I know you know this, but I want to beg you not to let him cry himself to sleep. That’s such a sad thing to do – I’ve been lonely before, when my husband is away on business, and having my cries unanswered is very painful – and I’m an adult that KNOWS I’m not being neglected.
And this time WILL pass much quicker than I can emphasize. He will be sleeping through, you’ll be waking in the middle of the night to check on him because he hasn’t woken up!
Ah, it is a fun ride – I just implore you to have a sense of humor, love love love that baby, and some day you’ll be getting him his driver’s license and wondering where this time went…. 😉
FW, This is actually really helpful. Sometimes we do feel like he is still in pain when he wakes up at night, even after having his acid reflux medicine. Maybe we should just do food at breakfast and lunch and see if that helps. It could be that the other wake-ups that aren’t wanting formula related are related to stomach pain caused by his “dinner”. Maybe eliminating that meal would eliminate the discomfort we sometimes see.
Sandra,
He’s totally great about taking a bottle at whatever temperature we give it to him and he’s never had a bottle warmed to be fed so feeding on the fly at night is no issue at all. His crib is maybe 15 steps from our bed– if that– and we do absolutely go to him with every cry. That’s especially important in adoptive situations to build attachment and an understanding of what parents are and what they do for you. My reference to needing to consider any suggestions based on our situation was because of that very thing– we will absolutely keep going to him and building his security in his family– definitely don’t worry about that!
And helpful to know that one of yours did the every two hour thing to… one of the things that I wanted to learn by putting these questions out there was if just waking that often could be normal (because the stories you hear most often are ‘my baby sleeps through the night’) and maybe we aren’t causing it in some way. So that’s very helpful insight!
You sound like you’re doing an AWESOME job, mama!!! That baby is going to grow up with the love he deserves. God bless you for taking him into your home and your heart.
I love reading these updates! Baby A is just precious!!
Poor Miss Lola! I feel so bad for her. She & the baby are going to be the best of friends one day, I just know it!
The soy part just cracked me up! Bri drank soy too. That stuff smells horrible. Going in & coming out!! Lol!
Give the baby lots of kisses from us! Bri has been reading your blog too. She anxiously waits for updates & pics!
Ok, as always, I am taking the risk of going against the grain here. But you asked for parent’s suggestions and I’ll let you know what we did.
Both of my children slept in their car seats from about 1wk old to about 4mnths. I know that sounds horrific but it actually helped them tremendously and was their pediatrician’s recommendation. My daughter’s reflux was not bad enough for medication but it was bad enough that when she layed flat, it woke her up. My son had horrible reflux and this was truly a necessary thing for him. He had the medication but it didn’t fix it all. After that they transitioned to the bassinet and then at 6mnths they went to their cribs in their own rooms.
We did not ever have a bedtime ritual really. I would put them in their pj’s and nurse them. Then put them in their beds w/ white noise of some kind and their pacifier. In order to get my son to sleep on his own, he needed to be hugging something with both arms so he slept with 2 stuffed animals. His mattress was propped up underneath the head of it with some blankets so that he wasn’t laying flat or his reflux would bother him more. I would strongly recommend this if your son has reflux.
My kids both were going to sleep on their own by 6mnths. I know some may think that it’s harsh to allow them to cry themselves to sleep for a couple days in order to learn this life skill but I truly believe it’s an invaluable skill. The older they are, the harder it is to learn. I do not ever ever regret those few days (even though it was very hard at the time) because they are amazing at going to bed and staying in bed now. They still feel loved and have no recollection of those few nights.
As far as sleeping through the night, that was harder for them both. My daughter woke up more out of habit than hunger and so at about 7-8mnths, I tried just letting her cry it out instead of going in there. She cried for a couple minutes and then fell back to sleep. The same thing the next night and then it didn’t happen anymore. She slept through the night after that.
My son started sleeping through the night pretty much when we introduced solids into his diet. While my daughter didn’t want anything to do with solid food, my son was a ravenous baby and he demanded the food we ate at about 5mnths. He pretty much ate what we ate with supplemental nursing inbetween and I think that the solid food agitated his reflux less.
As far as swaddling, both my babies loved it but when they outgrew the option we bought one of those sleeper things that are foam and helps them stay in position. That way, they had the pressure of something around them. My son actually slept on is side a lot with this and that seemed to help his reflux.
Both of my children took 2 naps (about 1.5-2hrs each) and then slept anywhere from 8-12hrs at night. My son truly could not go that long without eating (he was a hunger machine!) so he didn’t sleep as long at night as his sister without a snack mid morning (5am).
Good luck to you! Every baby is different and what worked perfect for one might not work for another one. You just have to decide what you feel comfortable with and what you think is best for your baby. Trying things out is the best way to see what the solution is.
Congratulations to you both!!! He is absolutely adorable!
Chris,
Thanks for sharing your experience. We really appreciate your input! The sleep positioner is a great idea– and would totally simulate some of the pressure from the swaddle. Our little guy does like sleeping on his side if we’re holding him somewhere and he falls asleep. And our little guy has stuffed animals but none that he’s developed an attachment to– maybe exploring that would help. Both of these suggestions are good ideas to explore. We do have his crib mattress at an angle and feel like that has helped some. I think our little guy might be a hunger machine, too, so we don’t think we’ll be getting rid of the hunger-related wake-ups but are wondering if there ways that we can help him sleep through a little bit better when he’s not hungry.
Sandra, Thanks so much for your support!
Also, Rosie, at this age they are teething a lot. Once my son had FOUR teeth come in during the same day. It must have been painful.
Amazing! Good for her. I love animal rescuers 😉
Hi — well one thing not sure if it will help the sleep issue – but my older one had A-reflux – the only combination of formula/ medicine was the formula with added rice cereal. It was the miracle combination. Oh and the bottle had to be cold ( go figure). Also diminshed the spit ups (I used receiving blankets for burp rags). Plus since I was / am working at home I had to have a quasi schedule, it worked miracles for me — since after about 6 months ( and 10,000 selp help articles) it dawned on me — I just had a baby who was not interested in sleeping more than 2-3 hrs at a time. Just sleep when/where you can — eventually you get used to the sleep deprivation. Oh and about the time he started sleeping through the night the next cat napper came along.
dear rosie,
i am procrastinating on writing my last paper of grad school right now, and wishing i had your level of organization. you are awesome!!!
(and loved).
~SC
Sleep through night: 5/18
Crawl: 6/2
Ok, I predict crawling on May 1 and sleeping on May 4. Honestly, I hope that he sleeps through the night april 16 but I have to go with my gut instinct here 🙂
sleep through the night: 4/20
crawl: 5/5
I hope I’m wrong on the first one and that it’s tonight!
Sorry to pick a dates so far out! I hope it’s much sooner (at least on the sleeping part!!
Oh, don’t be! You got to be in it to win it and far out’s probably not unlikely with our boy!
crawking.. may22nd..( my moms bday)
sleeping.. may 25th.. (my tia virgies bday)..lol
praying “the baby face” does it sooner tho 🙂
Sleeping…..May 11th! Wouldn’t that be a great mothers’ day present??? LOL
Crawling…….May 21st
Sleeping April 27th
Crawling May 20th
I have you linked to my blog and I just saw “We are all Susan Boyle” and I got it instantly and just wanted to shout A M E N!!!!!!!!! EXACTLY!!! YES!!!
and then I read the post *smile* and I still wanted to say A M E N!!!!!!! EXACTLY!!! YES!!!!
I predict that Abe will crawl on June 17, 2009
He will sleep thru the night on August 25, 2009
Hey Rosie,
Love your blog and your cute little bundle. As far as transitioning from the swaddle–we use something called a “sleepsack.” It’s like a wearable blanket. It comes in various sizes and isn’t constricting like a swaddle, but I think it still provides Davis a sense of being enclosed in something. They come in different materials for different times of year. He’s almost 11 months now, so we’ll probably get rid of that soon, but we’ve loved it.
Elise
Hey Elise! What age did Davis move from swaddle to sleepsack? Did you go cold turkey or start with naps and then move to using a sack at night? How did it go? Thanks for the advice and for visiting. Love to all of you!
Hmmm….tough one, G. Here goes:
Sleeping through the night – May 22
Forward progress – June 4
Best of luck with the former!! 🙂 Love you!!
Thanks Rosie! What I love about the Green movement is how it so often throws back to the ways of our grandparents and great-grandparents, who threaded common sense and thrift through their every day practices. I’m looking forward to reading The Green Year & hope to share some lifelong habits with young Sam. 🙂 Did I tell you that the other day he picked up a cardboard box and said, “Mommy, is this recyclish?”
Awww….so sweet! And you were forgiven long ago – thanks for the giggle! 🙂
Crawling June 21
Sleeping through the night November 1
He sure is photogenic! I hope he’s gradually becoming a better nighttime sleeper!
Thanks for the great reviews, Rosie. I’m hoping that seeing how simple it is to go green will encourage people to make small changes to help the planet. Spreading the word about the books is much appreciated!
lmao!! his socks?? I was wondering why U didnt just push him to the baby aisle and have at the baby wipes.. then I kept reading.. so funny 😉
Ur a quick thinker ill get u that!! as a nanny I once had to hose a kid down after he threw up all over his shoes..
N I C E !
Ashley: “what’s wrong with that??”
GEAT STORY!!
brilliant!!! i would have used BF’s socks!!! lmao.
Awwwww….I love that connection to share your stories with those that are interested and affected by them. At every age your stories touch us all in a special way!
darn it—i got distracted and am just getting back in here!!! dang work!!! lol!!! so here are my guesses just for fun…
Crawl – May 15
Sleep through the night – when he’s 10! lol.
EEEEEEEEK!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! Even though I’m sitting here laughing…I’m freaking out!!! Snakes belong out in the desert. A desert where NO babies or baby cribs reside! Thank GOD for neighbor Carly! I’m cracking up even harder that BF wasn’t even IN the house! Ba ba raaaa baaaa ba ba raaaa. Ba ba raaaa baaaa ba ba raaa raaa raaaaa! lmao.
*applauding Carly for not hurting the snake*
So many people kill those black snakes and they are harmless. So not nice. Great job Carly!
crawling May 30
sleeping through the night April 30
If BF doesn’t stick to the pact, I’ll come to NC and kick some butt!!!! ROFL
FREAKING OUT FOR YOU!!! You are SO allowed to do the ‘Phobe run’ for that!!!!!!
When we had a “garden snake” in our yard my mom called up a “Carly” living down the street and she came right over and scooped it out of the yard and wrapped it around her wrist and drove it home to her house and released it….we all need a “Carly” in our life!!
Mika, yeah, black snakes have a free pass around here! I can’t even kill a bug around here– they all have to be escorted outside.
Jillian, you are so right. We all do need a Carly in our lives. But here’s the deal. Mine cannot move. If people want to share my Carly, you have to move here!
I had to put on shoes every time I went to baby’s room last night in the middle of the night. Just couldn’t bare to walk the house barefoot!
ROSIE! OMG!! Carly is the BOMB!!!
Hey, how old were we at the lake that time when we got ourselves trapped on the dock by those water moccasins? 10ish? As I recall we said, and I quote, “Calm. Cool. Collected. And READY TO RUN!” That still gives me the shivers! 🙂
I think we were 10ish, Jenny! And let me tell you, I was far more calm, cool, and collected at 10 then I am at 35.
Oh My God!!! I would have freaked out!! yep the Phoebe run would have been my style 2..lol
Glad it all turned out ok.. and yes Carly can never move.. if she does Id move with her if I was U rosie 😉
Carly Rocks!
I gotta be honest, I’ve not met a lot of people willing to hold snakes especially women. Carly is awesome, I would have been scared out of my mind. I wear shoes for weeks if we find a live bug in our house. So, I agree, you can never move unless Carly does. Cupcakes and snakes, you must be in love!
Mom: :” Try that long sweater, it covers your “problem areas”.
Me: “Mom, would you say that to a friend of yours? Then why would you say it to me?”
So far, it’s worked.
We’ll see…. usually these things take more than once.
Moved 7 plus hours away from ‘those people’ that talk ‘that way’ to me 🙂
Now I am working on getting them out of my mind!
****
I have never in my life felt more compelled to burst ino random singing, games, or staring contest then standing behind my car with a buggy full of groceries that need to be loaded in and 4 kids, then while a car picks MY SPOT to wait to pull into!
Love these examples of people standing up for themselves! You go, ladies!
And, Jillian, seriously? Don’t people know that just gives a mom red alert anxiety?
I don’t know about being a co host, but I’d support you all the way!!! Right on!
Funny (and true) story – One summer, I was about 10 years old living in Charlotte (near Carowinds – I’m sure you’re familiar) and I came inside for a minute to use the bathroom. I was in our half bath under the stairs when a baby black snake (probably the same species, I’m not sure) wriggled out from underneath the bathmat and I. flipped. out. I ran outside and had my Dad trap it in a bag and set it free in the backyard.
You’re not the only one. 🙂
This is beautiful. I’m so happy for you guys!
Morgan Yisak saw this picture and said: “Tell my baby grow no more, stop, stop, I wait long time to see, I wait and wait and he same tall as me, NO!!! Stay baby, my heart strong for him!”
Jillian
Ohhh-I’d sooo co-host!!! Wonderful idea!!!
Awwww Rosie is in L-O-V-E!!!! and mommahood suits you wonderfully!
I’d co-host, but that would most definitely mean that you would not get funded.
Sooo U really just want to see how many of us stalk ur blog huh ..lol ok ill confess now 😉
Girl, if you stalk, I know its because of Baby Face or Lola. Or even Slither the Snake!
oh shoot i thought i was hiding it better 😀
eeek to the snake!!
Yvette knows how to show the love, don’t she??? LOL
Can I compete? For once I may be able to answer all the questions, plus I never got a tee-shirt.
BF
Rosie, that is just the sweetest. The world is lucky to have you as a mother.
FELIZ DIA DE LA MADRE ROSIE
How inspiring!!!Today we will be in our back yard planting a medicinal healing herb garden dedicating a nutrirional herb for you me and our birthmothers, Damos gracias.
We are waiting for that special call about our Colombian bebito (We have requested twins with African descent) We started the process on 14Dec2007/Jan 08 our papers made it to the orphanage and now by March 2010 they will ring us…….
Ella dio a LUZ a un fuertissimo, quapissimo baby A.Rosie you continue with this resplandeciente LUZ that guides his every step that he creates. Rosa de Byron Bay Australia
Thank you, Jenny! That means a lot coming from one of the best mamas I know– and one I learn from everyday.
Rosa, I love the idea of a medicinal healing garden– what a lovely idea! And the story of your family coming together sounds really amazing. I hope you’ll keep me posted! Wishing you all the best y un feliz dia de la madre indeed!
Con un abrazo fuerte, Rosie
Rosie!
Happy Mother’s Day on your first one! This was an inspiring post.
It takes a special person to think about her child’s biological mother during her first mother’s day. And you are!
Hugs and kisses to you and Sweet Baby A.
Icess
What a great Mother’s Day! My family dog, Shelby, used to chase bubbles like Lola does. It really never got boring watching her, though I was always concerned that ingesting that much soap couldn’t be healthy for her.
Aww .. Sounds like a greast Mother’s day..
btw Love the pix of The baby Face and Miss Lola!! U really know how to start off my week in a good way 😉
I haven’t even read the post yet, but he sure is a CUTE little thing and LOVE the caption under the pic, thanks for the smile!
So very cute. I love the comments and the picture. I can’t wait for my little guy. Hope you are all doing well.
Hahaha! Tell Mike I’m laughing along with him! 🙂
Rosie,
I love buying books, but I have a hard time finishing them. They look appealing on the shelf because of their bright colors or promises to shape my life in one way or another, and I get through the first chapter or so and they end up back on a shelf. I feel that guilt, too, wondering why on Earth I keep buying them and that I need to finish the hundreds that I own.
Who knows if I’ll ever win the battle with myself. 🙂
To answer your question – I could pick up Slaughterhouse-Five and reread it always. Ditto for To Kill a Mockingbird and A Streetcar Named Desire.
Do I finish every book i start? nope No need Not like I have to do a book report..lol.. No to the Kindle.. I still like holding my books and flipping the pages..
Books I loved.. Queen of the South.. Outlander.. to kill a mockingbird.. the middle place..
Oh, Ashley, you are totally right. There’s nothing like a book cover to suck me right into buying it. I had so much anxiety about the Hijas bookcover and when I saw the final cover, I thought, “Oh, good, I’d buy it based on the cover.” I’ve never read Slaughterhouse Five. I should chek it out. And Yvette, I am so happy to hear that you loved The Middle Place, too. It’s my favorite book that I read in 2008. I haven’t read Outlander or Queen of the South. I should check those out, too!
I got Lyndsey started on the Outlander series and she hasnt been able to read anything else since.. she freaked when I told her there were 6 books and then the 7th was coming out in sept..lol (cant wait!!)
Sooo if U do read outlander and love it.. be ready for the other 6
😉
Oh I loved The Middle Place.. kinda have to say (had a lil crush on greenie!)..lol
I have absolute faith that little man and Lola will be buds for life!!
How wondrous to be a witness to Baby A reaching his true purpose and max potential!!!
Rosie mil graciasfor sharing – you are truly inspirational and make our journey in becoming adoptive parents more real and comforting as we wait and wait and wait..its a very long but beautiful spiritual pregnancy we share with our birthmother
xxRosa
LOVE hearing stories about him. Thank you so much for sharing and that smile is just AWESOME!!!! (both of our girls have to have the music play all night too.)
What a beautiful, touching picture of your dad and your son, honey! And thank you for the wonderful reminder of what today is truly about.
Beautiful words. Keep it Up!!!!!. Your dad and mom are so strong that not even a cancer can’t destroy them. My regards and my blessings to him and to all your family (especially your baby).
Warm regards,
Evelyn and family
Rosie la foto esta hermosa, que bonito es ver a los hijos con el abuelo, y como tu dices aunque fue dos veces a Vietnam lo puedes gozar ahora junto a ti , tu hijo y tu esposo. Mucho cariño y mucho exito te deseo siempre, te quiero mucho , Mayra
Southern manners should be taught in evey school across the country..
I guess the only nice way I could answer that would be to say ” we got him from god” … I cant tell U all the smart a** come backs to that stupid question that popped into my head when I read this.. Ill just save those for an email..lol 😉
Family is the love we have for eachother, not the DNA we share..
YAY!! way to go Baby Face!
congrats Mika 🙂
oh great u just told everyone i really am ur stalker 😉
Thanks Ro-Ro
Yay! I love coffee! Thanks for the fun contest.
LOVE the look on his face!! So much fun! Watch out world here he comes!!!
(How dare the Today show bump you!)
I have answered this question with, My daughter was born in Ethiopia or for my other daughter, she was born in Guatemala. straight and simple!!
That’s exactly what I said, Debbie, “He was born in Ethiopia.” Thanks for sharing! It’s good to know how others handle these questions and different issues!
Coffee arrived today, it smells delicious! Thank you so much! Ic an’t wait to drink up 🙂
I rescued a black rat snake from a Sam’s parking lot last Wednesday. I asked for a bag from a Sam’s employee and she brought me a plastic super thin bag. The snake was pushing against the bag and I thought he would suffocate himself. So I put a small hole in it and put it in my trunk. When I got home he was gone. Finally today he crawled out from under the dashboard, I caught him and put him in a pillow case, took him home and had my son come over to take pictures before I released him
Bob, Stop it! Were you driving when he crawled out from under the dashboard? Oh my. I might have to drive with my feet up frow now on– but that would be awfully hard, wouldn’t it?
Great tips, I know I always follow number 3, even if I go for a long period of time with nothing, I bring it to school every day in case inspiration decides to strike me!
Yvette is so right on!! Especially the last sentence! I think that saying he is from God was a great answer. My sister experienced something similar when she had her daughter. Her daughter’s father is Native American, so my niece has dark skin & hair. She was getting on an airplane when a woman stopped to admire my niece. She told my sister, “She’s beautiful! Where did you get her from? A friend of mine just adopted a baby from China.” My sister was so angry! All she could say was, “I gave birth to her.” She didn’t want to bother explaining anything else to the woman. Its sad that some people are still so ignorant that they would ask questions like this. This country is made up of people in all colors, shapes & sizes. Sadly, some people still haven’t realized it!
Awesome tips lady! I really need to work on number 1 better.
I just sit and write but I have my handy Astros cap that works like a charm.
Hi Rosie! I am Jen Osterink’s sister (I think you know Jen from the adoption ciruit). She has mentioned you several times and I finally broke down and checked out your blog. This entry hooked me and I will be checking back to see what is happening in your world! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Holly, what a pleasure to virtually meet you! Thanks for stopping by! The leatherbacks are really amazing creatures– glad you enjoyed this post!
Thanks so much for your support, Maria! Besos y Abrazos!
Theoates, carrying that notebook everyday is key– you are right; it’s when ou are convinced that nothing is coming that it flows out.
An Astros cap is very handy, Icess. Keeps those thoughts captured.
He is so cute!! I love the big smile. I also love the bat cave. Any boys dream!!
I am so the type that would’ve done the Phoebe run….rofl….my little girl almost stepped on one by accident in the back yard yesterday while playing in the sprinkler, and I was doing research on them because of my own fears…when I came accrossed your post…I so wish I could be like your Carly…but I’m too petrified of them…we’re in NC as well, I so scared of the day one of my 3 or 5 year old boy try to bring one in the house…I will have no idea what to do…I so need a neighbor like this!!!
Oh no, Heather. I can’t believe your daughter almost stepped on one. She might have to start running through the sprinkler in Crocs to keep her toes safe! Yeah, I’m hoping our little boy isn’t a snake collector. If he is, he’ll have to do it at Carly’s house.
Tell Mytito (wait or do we call him “yourtito”??)..lol.. anyways tell him thats the cutest outfit over!!
Garden Looks good!
Batcave it so Cool!! as long as hes the only one crawling in there.. Carly still lives next door right 😉
Your babe is sooo cute!
Yes, there are hazards to motherhood! When Abram came home he was was Mr. Poopalot! He had so many blowouts, I could not even tell you (he ended up with parasites) My pants fell victim many times.
When Solomon came home, he puked ALL the time. Every night before he went to bed at least. And every night it was ll over me! He even puked while theplane took off, leaving ET. It was everywhere!
I have more but heres 2 😉 kinda long .. sorry 🙂
I think I told U about hosing off the lil boy i was a nanny for.. poor kid threw up all over his shoes and I WAS NOT gonna touch them!! so out came the water hose.. he was fine just got sick from running around right after he ate an ice cream sandwich.. yea i couldnt eat one of those for a long time after seeing that..lol
One night after a looong day hanging with my family, my mom pops her head in my room to tell me she and My Tia are going to the store and that they would be right back.. the catch? they want to leave my little cousin with me.. “**sigh** fine but be right back!” Cut to me sitting with her on my bed talking on the phone and playing with Amanda, who was lil over a yr at the time.. So I get all into my phone convo ( i was a teenager..lol) and left Mandy to play alone.. I see she is crawing to the end of the bed.. so i reach over and grab her leg and thats when I feel something WET!! i hang up to invetigate and discover that shes is wet from the back of her neck to the tips of her socks.. It was PEE!! all over her clothes and now my bed! I clean her up and change my 1st dipper ever!!! When Mom and Tia Get back (an hr and a half later/ brb my foot!) I asked when was the last time either of them had changed Amanda.. they just looked at eachother and said “Oh I thought U were changing her all day”..nice parenting huh..lol
and now that Amanda (yes the one from the story) Is having her baby soon (2wks?) .. Im sure there will be more gross/funny stories to tell..
note to self: dont lift Luke over my head with an open mouth..CHECK!! lol
Yum!
Can’t wait!
Your parents are truly treasures. Your baby reminds me of your dad, ( the wide eyes, the smile )almost as if God sent him to you especially for that reason. And on days when I have two out of control and need a nap toddlers and need a laugh I think of Zita’s disciplinary ideas of kicking a part of someone’s anatomy three times.
Re- gurgitated chocolate milk ( one of those 16 oz bottles ) while going 80 miles an hour on I-77. Enough said – Oh 95 degrees outside – oh and about 2 miles later one of those deluge thunderstorms.
Plus my oldest ( same chiild as above)was world champion puker – so bad that I gave up buying cloth diapers for burp cloths and started buying receiving blankets to use.
CONGRATULATIONS! and yes tomorrow is significant. It is awesome that he has now been with you longer than at the care center. What a great joy. I can’t wait to read what you have to share and learn from it.
Wow! Almost 5 months and 1 day! It seems like only yesterday you and BF went to go pick up little man. Hugs to you all!!!
The proportion piece you are playing with is important–this fraction, now 50-50, becomes almost insignificant within days, except in a poetic way. He came to you almost magically, but isn’t that the miracle of all families?
Rosie- Your spark is so bright and so contagious, even if it is slightly hampered by sleepless nights, you still shine bright enough to light up others lives.
FELICITACIONES!!!!! What a profound triumphant moment in time it is for your beautiful family. LOVE GUIDES AND RULES!!!
Can’t wait for the perlas of wisdom, the rayos of sabiduria re a sleeping bebito…..
Here is a poema to share with you that landed softly on my lap during my parent -in-waiting journey:
A grafted tree. Magnificent to behold.
One of a kind.
Contrary to nature. Luxuriant leaves and intricate roots.
Loaded with horticultural challenges to a gardener, but
ultimately yielding a tree with
unparalleled beauty.
The adopted child. Magnificent to behold.
One of a kind.
Biological features often contrary to yours.
Intricate roots that need to be healed.
Loaded with behavioural challenges for parents but
ultimately yielding a life with
unparalleled beauty!
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew (Paperback) by Sherrie Eldridge
Besitos,
Rosa xx
Byron Bay, Australia
Count me in, Rosie. I will sponsor a girl. My passion in life is educating girls. As you know, I have found sponsors for three Ethiopian girls and now will help you with your girls. Educating girls changes the lives of many.
Let’s put this on my blog, too.
Rosie, thankyou even when your light is flickering and slightly dimmed you gift us with the opportunity for the real raw moments that gives life its balance. -to see you during the days but also the nights.
My fave Aussie poet/cartoonist Michael Leunig says it nicely:
God rest us
Rest that part of us which is tired.
awaken that part of us which is asleep.
God awaken us and awaken within us.
Amen.
Michael Leunig
Thank you, Jillian and Rosa. Rosa, I lovve the poem and it was especially appropriate as my best friend’s husband is an Aussie!
I’m looking at flying Emirates air as you did and would be interested in learning your “tip” for getting your luggage to Ethiopia on time. Also, did you fly back through Dubai and did you kid(s) need a visa to be in the airport?
Thanks!
Lori,
How exciting! Likely, you will have an overnight layover in Dubai. You might be told by your travel agent to pick up your bags in Dubai and take them to the hotel with you for the overnight then recheck them the next day. When we arrived in Dubai, we asked about this three or four times and each time were reassured that we did not need to get our luggage, they would hold them safely overnight and put them on our morning flight to Addis. After a long flight, we were so relieved to be done with the bags and took the Emirates employees’ word for it. To be on the safe side, don’t do it. Take your bags with you that night and recheck them the next day. It’s the safest way to insure your luggage arrives in Ethiopia with you.
We did fly back through Dubai and no visa is needed with Emirates.
Best of luck to you!
I love this, Rosie. And as much as I have read about adoption, I had no idea it could affect a little guy so much. I finally got my Google reader organized, so I will be following you better!
Rosie THANKYOU for your words of wisdom and experience. How priceless is this!!!!My beloved and I are so blessed to have come across such beaut parents like yourselves who give us the opportunity to learn and grow throughout our spiritual pregnancy.
Dear Rosie,
My name is Isabel Pando, I am a new friend of your dear cousin, Evelyn Martinez, she knows I am a writer too, and she was kind to introduce me to your book, “Hijas Americanas” which I plan to read with utter delight, and will post a comment as I read along.
Mil Felicidades y que la estrella de la rueda de la buena fortuna, siempre te acompane.
Un abrazo.
Isabel
Isabel, Thanks so much for stopping by the site! What a pleasure to “meet” you. Hope you’ll visit again! Con un abrazo fuerte, Rosie
I am about to start “Same Kind of Different as Me” and “The Hole in Our Gospel” I have heard nothing but great things on both. I will let you know 🙂
One of the best ways for your friend to help their adoptive daughter know her culture is to find people from Puerto Rico that have children around the same age as she is. Puerto Ricans are very friendly people and I am sure that they will be willing to help on this. Attending birthday parties, outings, watching other Puerto Rican families cook, etc. will give her an excellent opportunity to experience the culture first hand. The music is also part of this experience.
Also, remember that Puerto Ricans are also Hispanics and they share a lot in common with other Hispanic cultures.
I hope this helps.
( I am from Puerto Rico/live in the U.S.)
I hope you at least took the time to have some good lovin’ in there 🙂 All that awake and nothing to do….. *wink*
Rosie! Linda G. sent me a link to your blog. Your little man is maybe a month older than mine. Isn’t it a fun age? Sounds like you’re all doing well — I look forward to following you all now that I have your link.
ROFL……you poor things!
It has to be look for one of 3 things.. someplace cool.. water or food (mice)..
We have an oak tree thats over 100 yrs old on our ranch.. they must love those tree bc last summer I think we (umm dont tell carly) killed 3-5, that i know of, coming out of that oak.
Im so glad I moved back into the City 😉 Good Luck with your new friend..lol
oh rosie, that’s too funny! if it makes you feel any better, i was at a wedding shower this weekend, and when the bride-to-be opened one gift, the gift giver’s daughter turned to me and said, i gave that to my mom last christmas! yeah, not sure what to do with that information…
i hope you’re enjoying your relaxing summer activity as much as possible.
ROFL……..bet y’all open ALL boxes now, huh???
I LOVE this story!!!
Ahahahahaha!!! Classic!! Thanks for sharing, Rosie!! 🙂
LMAO.. Love it 🙂
Thanks for the laugh!! I needed it today!
That is a great story!
I added this poll to my blog. I’m assuming the results come to you some kind of way????
Just realized how bias my response is because currently as I grow a a new life inside, I am def on the better side of my body image….but the time fo year I was sexually attacked-way lower, if I am with my husband-higher, my family back home-lower…
just helped me realize I am allowing the environment and people to dictate my own image value…ouch!
i am latina and black mii mom is mexican and dad is black I AM A PROUD BLACKXICAN
O YA AND I LOVED UR BIO IT WAS VERY GOOD <3 :p
This is an amazing organization, it is amazing work you are doing and, I will do my best to inform others of your work, especially given the necessity of it. I wonder if it would be possibly useful to connect with colleges and universities, specifically through Latina student orgs, to conduct college visits and the such. A student at a university may want to help but not have direct funds, but think conducting campus visits may be a way to better facilitate these Latinas learning about college, thoughts?
Enjoyed the article & loved her reference to Hijas! 🙂
hello. im married into the name Turrubiartes and have been searching fo the history of the name for ten yeaers with NO luck. but i came across this story and found it wonderfull! i just wanted to let you know i took it some how personal when i read about the turrubiartes children.I think its beautiful that there are such loving people in the world
Congradulations Rosie, what an incredible job you are doing with this organizations. I am sharing the word across my colleagues and friends. I volunteer as a Big Sister and know the importance of role modeling this will give me a chance to see young ladies progress and reach their goals just as we have.
I think that first pic has got to be my all time favorite!! Just beautiful!!
simply… amazing.
Seriously, that boy is so stinkin cute I want to eat him up!!
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t wait to read the rest, but more I can’t wait for the chance to come meet your family.
When I grow up I want to be You rosie 😀
ok ok who am I trying to fool..Im older than You but still..lol 😉
OHHH NASTY!!!
Ummmmmm……can you make sure we don’t see any creepy crawlies when we get up there??? LOL
I LOVE YOU ROSIE!!!!!
Now, quit making me cry, would ya? My eyes get all puffy.
Rosie! It is so good to “see” you and to read all your wonderful thoughts. I told Jenny today that I always knew you would grow up and make a positive difference on the world. Now that I know about the blog I will be sure to follow along. Love you
Rosie,
I think I am in love with “baby”! He is amazing and so lucky to have an equally amazing mama.
Miss you!
Jenny
This is a good one, girl! Nana is priceless. I can’t help but think of what Granny says before we go somewhere, “If we forgot something, we’ll just BUY it!” But diapers have a different sort of urgency! 🙂
P.S. All humor aside, when you start taking baby on overnight trips make a checklist on your computer* of everything you need to take; you can update it as necessary. More importantly, print the list off and take it with you so you have it when you’re packing to return home. This way you won’t leave 1/2 of the monitor out of town or something!
*if your computer is working – hardy har har! 🙂
I need to credit my friend, and fan of yours, Alison M., who gave me that great idea!
I just posted about Ayannah and Haile Berry…I love to see beauty through her eyes.
I’m so excited for this book! It’s much needed and you are the perfect person to write it! Congrats!
I adore you, lady! I can’t wait to share your book with my daughter!
If you would of asked me twenty five years ago what I thought Rosie Molinary would be when she grew up … I would of said… something great! If you would of asked me fifteen years ago what I thought Rosie Molinary would be after high school… I would of said something great! If you would of asked me yesterday what I thought Rosie Molinary was doing, I would of said… something great! Today, I find…. I was right all along! You have always been an amazing person, a leader, a devoted friend and a doer! In more way than you know, you have been inspiring people to see our inner beauties! Thanks, Rosie!
Awwww. I am so proud to “know” you, Rosie!!! You make me smile all the way down to my toes!
Fall 2010…I’ll be at the store picking up my copy of Beautiful You.
Thanks so much, Melanie and Jo Anna! I loved seeing your names pop up and am happy to be back in touch!
Me too, me too, I want in!! Hi precious Rosie! I have read incredible blog thanks to Jenny passing it on. I join the countless “old friends” that are SO VERY proud of our precious Rosie. You were and continue to be such an inspiration. God has blessed you with so many gifts and you are most certainly passing them on to benefit so many others. I will never forget that you were the first person I met when I moved to SC. Your friendly, welcoming smile lit up that room at EL Wright that day. As I know it is lighting up the lives of so many still today. I will be ordering one of the gorgeous necklaces for the Hijas. Love them, and love you!! Big hug to you my dear!!!
Thank you so much, Ashley. The memory of your first days at EL Wright are so clear to me– it was a delight to meet and get to know you. I hope you are doing well and please pass on hellos and love to all of your family. I’m so happy to be back in touch!
Can’t tell you how honored I am to be included on your amazing blog! Thank you!!!!!
Funny story!! And check out http://www.GiftElephant.com … we can help you remember next time 🙂
That’s a gorgeous picture of you, honey! And you’re right…it’s the smallest things that mean the most.
LOVE this post. I am not a Mrs either and find great joy (often followed by sadness for the confusion people seem to experience-is this not the 21st century?) in similar situations. Here’s to retaining one’s given surname.
OMG, I love doing that too!
Wow your 35 gift challenge looks great. It was nice going through it. Keep it up the good work. Cheers 🙂
I feel like the blessed one to have such a wonderful, talented, thoughtful friend. CONGRATULATIONS – you deserve this opportunity and the world needs a book like this! Love love love, Jenny
You are an inspiration cousin!
That was beautiful! Thank you for sharing…he is so so precious and the crazy love you guys have for him just gleams off your being…such a precious beautiful, God created family.
Happy one year referral acceptance day!!! I love that little outfit you have him in.
adorable! happy birthday big boy A!
He’s adorable. Happy Birthday Abe! Enjoy your day.
The invite is impossibly cute Rosie!!! Happy birthday to your sweet chunk of love!!! 🙂
Happy Birthday to The Baby Face!!!
Happy Birthday Abram!! Hope the three of you have a great day!! Hugs & Kisses from me & Bri!!
Happy Birthday little man! We all love you and can’t wait to see you again!
Ps you have GREAT parents that LOVE you endlessly!!!!
Happy Birthday Baby A. Can’t wait to come meet you on the 6th.
Feliz Cumple-suenos Abram!!!!! may you continue to be nurtured by the depth of love in your Mamita y Papito’s hearts.
Rosie and BF:
“the decision to have a child is to accept that your heart will forever walk outside of your body”
Kathleen Hadley
I thought of this song when you shared the Kelly Picklar one, but just found it, love the words…”you were made to fulfill a purpose only you could, so there could never be a more beautiful you..”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0&feature=fvw
Love it!! I want to see that!
and the key to a good book? a good basket for organizing your notes. 🙂 So excited for this book, congrats!
did you ever put together a playlist on iTunes or elsewhere for Electric Estrogen?
my dad left my mom after 53 years of marriage for a HORRIBLE woman and we’re beyond devastated and we both need something EMPOWERING to listen to.
i’m going to try to download all the songs i see listed here, but just thought i’d ask.
women are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, aren’t we?!
love to all.
d.
Denise, Yes we women are so much stronger than we could ever imagine. I’m so sorry that your family has to endure such pain. Music for me has brought me through so many hard times in my life. I am sending thoughts of strenght and healing to you and your mom.
Denise,
I am sorry to hear this news but hope that the playlists help brighten the mood. Check out I Can Rescue Me and Giving Up Beauty- two playlists on ITunes that I put together from suggestions.
Wishing you and your mom all the best, Rosie
much appreciated rosie. truly.
i’m confident we’ll be the victor’s in the end. the universe gives us these challenges for a reason, we will most certainly be stronger for this.
this music has the power to lift us all up. i’m so glad i came across your site.
peace & love.
Oh Rosie! I know how you feel (sort of). My Harry went through a period of waking every 15-45 minutes, so just as we drifted off, he was up again. As I sat in my friend’s kitchen, crying (while the husbands pretended not to notice), my friend said it best (although not at all poetically) “Sleep deprivation will f*&% you up.” Sometimes simple with a side of profanity says it best. Hang in there.
Oh, Steph! That is exactly what we went through for the first three or hour months– wakes up every 45 minutes to an hour. It was insane. Those eventually got cut in half but then the wake ups were so much longer. We’re getting there now, I think, but you aren’t kidding– sometimes simpel with a side of profanity is the only thing that says it. A friend today told me that parenting os guerrilla warfare. I get it.
Excellent site, keep up the good work
ROFL……No. You. Did. Not!!!
Boricua Hasta La Muerte mamii
We are SEXY DAMN!!!!
Priceless!! 🙂
ROFL…….I think those are the best pics of him yet!!! And did you have to mention MY crud??? LOL
BAAAAHAAAHAAAA! Tears…tears streaming!!!
Ohhhh my!!! Check out his – “i’m soo not sharing MY pickle” look. Sooo cute and sooo getting him a pickle when we are out!
OMG!! I love these.. ok i love all pix of the baby face 😉
and congrats to jenn!!
Pics 3 & 4 are priceless!! Bri is going to love these!!
And yes, congrats to Jenn!
that is funny and so cute!
Thanks for the congrats ladies!! I am very excited to be able to go get my little man. The he and Abe can hang again and eat pickles!!!!
Hope you are feeling better Rosie!
Wow… I envy you girl… If anybody ask what are you up to just tell em to google you!
OMG!!!!!!!!!! ROFL…….what a trip Gracie is!! Love it!! Kids are such a trip!!
Gracie so ROCKS!!!! Crack me up!!!
So cute! She looks just like mini Molinary!! 🙂
How true this is:
Well-played,” I said, because, really, no other 2 year old is going to think that’s weird”
It is all about their perspective…when the girls want to go to the grocery store in their dress up costumes they aren’t getting laughed at, they are treated much like they are in a private parade and it is all about them! All the other kids want to be them…its funny.
yay yay yay! for you and for jennifer!
Congrats! I love that she wrote the idiots guide to sleep training your child. how apropos that you all found each other.
Rosie! I’ve wondered about you for years! How could I forget my first wife? Looks as if you are doing well and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Darrell Scott! So good to hear from you- and you still make me laugh, even from a distance and after so many years. Hope life is treating you incredibly well. Don’t be a stranger!
Loving the visual on this entire story!
Ah, yes, I remember the daily occurrence of taking out all the books and the videos and the DVDs. He’s such a cutie he probably gets away with a lot.
Seriously that kid is too cute! I love the one with the bandana!
Glad to hear baby is better in the evenings, sorry it isn’t for naps too!
Yuck on the dog smell! I just sent A an email asking him “maybe it is my prego hormones but is it too early to start the boys on some deoderant???” no response yet…
Wish you guys were closer…
hugs
He is soooooo stinkin precious! I would just take pics of him all day too!
I have always wanted to…travel alone
I don’t do it much but I enjoy …writing
The greatest joy in my life is…my family
I am most proud of…my mom
Someone I turn to when I need inspiration is…my friends
I can’t wait to…get on the road this week!!!
He’s close, Could be any day. But I’m gonna give him some time to build that confidence. Let’s say, for fun, Nov. 7–my Robin’s 30th birthday!
I’ll say November 1st! That’d make a great B-day present 🙂
I’m going early–October 10th (my anniversary and my grandmother’s birthdate).
But let me add, Rosie, get your running shoes on. If you thought crawling got you moving, this is a physical and mental workout!
Yeah for sleep!!! I am voting for Oct 26th. No particular reason just a date.
How wonderful!!! I am so excited for you. Sleep is awesome. If he’s already walking holding your hands then it seems to me like he could be walking by himself this week. These things happen fast!
yay!!!!!!!!
ok ill pick halloween 😉
i can see him now, with his lil plastic pumpkin getting candy from the neighbors… awww
Nov 2nd for walking….
LOVE those necklaces, glad you loved yours too!
I will not tell Ashley you still have ET coffee or he may jump off his ship and swim back to NC to get some…he loves that stuff!
I say October 20. Gives him time to be at a full run for Halloween!
I remember that moment in my life…but it took 2 kids to get me there! You are doing better than me!
smile
Again you have done it..put thoughts that I have had into beautiful sentences to share with the world. Thank you for that and it is reassuring to know I am not the only one..
I am going to go with October 12th!! And get ready for the ride!!
I am so honored to have you as a friend. You are the kind of teacher we all need. I see many children and teens, and adults who are still hurting from grade school, in the clinic every week. They are so sad, down on themselves, underachieving and most tragically convincing themselves and everyone else that they “don’t care”. I hope that I give them some hope and inspiration. I have such a short time with them but they do keep coming back.
I love you and all that you have done. Jean
I’m going to say October 15th. No particular reason, just the first date that came to mind. Have fun chasing him around the house!!
LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!! Love it!
Aww…how sweet! Sam said, “That sure is a cute baby.” 🙂 October 16 is my guess. Yay for baby!
I don’t know if I “buy it” because of the cover as much as I have def NOT bought it because of the cover….because it did not engage me enough to even pick it up off the self…or to even read the back….then it doesnt get bought……
I like all of the ones you have featured on the blog, I haven’t read them-but am now interested. *smile*
The cover and name of “the hole in our gospel” caught my attention because there is no image of the Bible on the cover…but of the earth as a whole/hole….
beautiful!
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
* Rosie Molinary
Well, “Written On the Body” and most Jeanette Winterson books are amazing, so it makes sense that the cover is too. And well, growing up mixed race in America can be both beautiful and intense, so that gorgeous cover of “Waking Up American” accurately portrays both that beauty and intensity. Covers have to catch your attention; right now I am reading an incredible book called “City of Widows: An Iraqi Woman’s Account of War and Resistance” by Haifa Zangana and the worst part is that you can barely read the title on the front cover… hardly any one can see what I am reading in public… sometimes just by seeing covers on my morning commute I write down titles…
Sign me up- this will be a great challenge. These will be my greatest challenge: To change that monologue in my head and To let envy dissipate and allow admiration to be a source of compassion by offering compliments to others. Complimenting others is sometimes harder for me to do than criticizing others, because I feel bad about myself… which is not a generative way to handle those feelings. I pledge to love and respect myself and my soul!
oh gosh he is so beautiful! I remember you talking about him and I was/am so excited for you. : ) I am so happy for you and all your new experiences with baby. I cant imagine how much joy he brings you, hopefully I will find out this feeling myself one day. : )
*o stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
*To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
My body enables me to conquer my world each and every day relentlessly. Its about time I start appreciating it and saying thank you. : )
Hey honey! Great post! Is that quote at the beginning yours? Could I use it to help write a post of my own? It’s fueling some ideas.
Yes, it’s mine and I’d love for you to use it. Eager to see where it takes you!
Beautifully written. He is an amazing, beautiful little boy. I feel blessed to have met you guys and be walking part of this journey with you, bf and your beautiful blessing.
My body that I often criticize deserves more respect…after all, those extra curves and soft spots are the results of carrying three beautiful children. How can I criticize the vessel that delivered them to me?
ummm… now I have big tears in my eyes too!!!! you, BF, Lola and baby are such a beautiful family! B and I were the lucky ones to have been able to share face time with you all!!! LOVE YOU!!! and you means alllll of you!!!
Wow!!!! Very powerful and emotional, Ro!! And i couldn’t agree w/Suez more!! All of you are in my heart!
You guys are indeed so lucky to have this precious gift of life….so blessed! I know you will always treasure him and let him know how lucky you guys are to get to walk him on his journey, holding his hand, kissing his ouchies, wiping his tears, sharing his joys…
Awesome writing. Truly a beautiful piece.
I get the “She’s so lucky” thing every day and it bothers me too, but there is no way I could have articulated it as well as you did in this post.
I’d like to grab a few paragraphs and link back to you, would that be ok or are you (rightfully) possessive of your word creations?
Rosie, I love this post and have some similar feelings about what we are about to do in adopting our own sweet boy. I already have gotten the “he’s so lucky” comments and he’s not even here yet. And I always think that how can he be lucky to have lost his parents and have been uprooted from his home. Sometimes I cry for his loss when I think about how he’ll feel as he grows up and comprehends what has happened in his little life. I feel I can not possibly do enough to overcome that giant loss for him. But I love the idea of doing enough. I will try my hardest to do enough for him. That certainly sounds less scary than trying to erase the past. Thank you as always for sharing your journey. Think of me and Phelps tomorrow (Oct 20), on our court date. We are hoping and praying for good news so we can have our sweet boy home soon.
To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.
YAY!!! congrats to The baby face!!! now put on ur running shoes..lol
and congrats to Anne and Laura 🙂
I’m so jealous! I keep waiting for Ollie to get up and go, but no luck yet.
Holy Smokes, Rosie. I am not crying, because I told you I wouldn’t anymore, but I do have chills up and down my body. I love you! Thank you for this BEAUTIFUL piece.
lmmfao!! I love it 😀
Hello from Russia!
Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?
*BIG SMILE* life just got even MORE exciting-didn’t it?
That IS funny!
Before I am 35- I want to:
run a 5K (at any speed)
write 1 of the books that are bouncing around in my head
adopt again
repair 2 specific relationships in my life
rock climb (not indoor)
be caught up on all my scrapbook/keepsakes for the kids
travel to Ethiopia to work in the deaf schools/missions at least once
assist/organize/fundraise the building of 2 wells in Ethiopia
go on a cruise(never have!)
OMG!!!! Sooo hilarious!!! And what? did BF bolt the cover down in the bathroom too??? booooooo.
Yes-get a toilet lock! You don’t need or want him splashing around in there!!!! Poooochie!
Baaaaahaaaaahaaaaaa! That just cracks me up!!!!!
Very proud of Angela and what a great reminder that we can ask for support/help/pep talk and still make the journey….even with a little fear.
Awww-i so hope he does get used to the costume because that is soooo adorable!!!!!
I just adore all his little expressions! Such a big boy, and doesn’t even look like the first pic you had sent! Crazy!!!!
He is so cute and I LOVE how much expression and passion his face displays! How precious!
Oh I vote for franken baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… SO cute! even with his angry face 😉
I am guessing happy smiley is you and the other is BF!!
What book was that?
It wasn’t a 2nd option for us either….
(I begged my family to host exchange students FOR YEARS….maybe I was feeling “the call” back then too?)
And this is the reason why I love you both so much!!!! You guys rock!!!!!
ok – top pic looks like a baby LL Cool J!
Me too, no infertility.
I grew up in Africa and that’s how I got the desire.
I know which book this is… that sentence has been discussed on an adoption blog and struck me as a huge over-generalization.
Picking the right husband has really helped me tons 😉 …here I am 30, having birthed 2 kids and when he left for work I had just lost 25 pounds, now I am 30 weeks pregnanct and really NOT feeling very pretty/cute/sexy…not even looking in the mirror when I go through the bathroom….yet I have a man that LOVES my prego body, can’t wait to get back to it…loves curves and changes and values the life growing inside, he has watched my body morph twice and writes even now in emails about missing it….makes me rethink what I am telling myself…and whose voice is right….
I have spent much thought and prep time on how to make sure my girls know that brown is beautiful and curls are beautiful…read and read about it and talked to biracial and black adults about it….about 3 months ago it hit me-what have I done to prepare myself to educate them and prepare them for the social war on looks? We avoid certain things like Barbies that we feel present a false image of beauty…we don’t have 17 and fashion mags around, we also don’t do much of any Disney Princess-because they dont look like my kids and princesses can come in all shapes and sizes…but are we ready for “why are my thighs rounder?” “why are her arms smaller?”…..maybe not…maybe we are just “holding off” what we know is coming and maybe we should be actually dressing for battle…battle for our children’s self esteem/self-worth/value…..in the end their heart…big enough to love themselves and others just as they are…
Ayannah just said “mom, is that the same baby or brothers? cause they look the same but oh my they look different too!” LOL luv it!
A line from Steel Magnolias comes to mind. “I’d rather have fifteen minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.” I hope your friend was so blessed.
http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com
Rosie!! He’s growing up!! Ugh. Such a little man now! Can you believe it’s been 9 months! I miss that baby. Abel always says “oww. baby. I know him!!” every time I pull up your blog. Hope you all are doing great. Much Love.
Sooo cute! I’ve been waiting on a Halloween pic. 🙂 Thanks Rosie!
All so very cute!
Oh, I’m digging the pre-bath shot. Oliver “crabs” around naked, and I keep saying it’s the picture I’m going to put in his high school yearbook!
Love them!!.. i cant even pick my fave of the 3 🙂
Wish I could be there…just don’t live quite close enough.
Sounds a lot like my gratitude list lately. This weather is freaking gorgeous. And so’s my little girl 😉
How fun!!! and soo precious!
OK, so I know I am prego and everything but I had never heard of this movie and just watched the first trailor and am flat our weeping…Oh gracious! Thanks for sharing!
the Horns are 9 and 0 baby!! 😉
Aww… thanks for including me.
I’ve got your “Lucky” post in draft, awaiting the proper order of things, but soon to be posted 😉
I will, of course, link to you.
Here are some we felt really help/helped-not all directly tied to adoption:
1-Why do all the black kids sit together in the cafeteria
2-Parenting the Hurt Child
3-The Out of Sync Child
4-Dont Make me Count to Three
5-From Ashes to Africa
5-A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a boy solider
I am about to start “Adopted for Life”….I have heard great things, but will not FULLY rec until I read it 😉
Rosie!! Happy early birthday! I am so glad to read your words again and see the sweet photos of Abe. How dear he is. I appreciate your writing about how you just have to write it out and mold it later- not wait for the perfect words to come… rarely is anything perfect- the first time around or ever for that matter. Miuch food for thought in that concept for me. We are back in NC I am working at The Center for Holistic Healing in High Point as well as having a private practice in Winston. Would you be interested in doing a workshop in High Point? Let me know if that excites you, love to you and your family
Waaaaapaaaaa! That’s my whip cracking!!!! Go to it girly! What ever you get down on paper will be brilliant!
Happy Birthday Ro-Ro!!
good luck with ur list 🙂
Happy Birthday!!! Good lord, girl, how many hours do you have in YOUR day?? But I guess it’s nice to have goals! 🙂 You are the greatest! Oh, and I like to put something simple on my To Do lists…like “Go to the bathroom.” It’s just nice to have a *check* sometimes – haha! 🙂
Here’s a 36th: Take time to rest and relax! Jeez, that is some list! Talk about having high expectations of oneself!!!
well how can he not want you to read Please Baby Please over and over – I love the way you read it too!
Hey girl,
Long time no talk. Your blog is amazing and the pictures are beautiful. How are things going? Are you on Facebook? I don’t have a blog anymore and FB is the next best thing for me to share our life and photos.
Take Care,
Camille Smicz (mother of Samuel and Samson)
ROFL….mamacita so should’ve caught that action on film!!! Those 2 butting heads must’ve been something! And in baby’s defense, he’s not use to sharing, right??? LOL
Ack! Baby is getting so tall!! 🙂 Good luck, Focused Rosie!
HOW SWEET IS THAT?! :0)
What a beautiful jacket! Last year when I was helping teach the preschool Spanish class at my daughter’s school, I read them that book so that they could learn the word “nieve”. It’s great to see that Baby A likes the book and likes exploring his neighborhood. The photos are precious!
he’s so adorable! truly, he and wil are meant to be, i’m looking forward to getting them together. let’s find a nice day and i’ll put owen in the sling and wil and abe can play outside.
I love this!! So cute!!
***CLAPPING*** I’m sooo happy that Erin spoke up with such passion and you for your guidence on this matter!!!!
You both ROCK!!!!
Oh thats funny!!!
that happens all the time in my family bc none of us can speak spanish all that well..lol ill email U the one about my Tia 😉
Ahhhhhhhahahahahahaha!!!!!
I love Ralph Lauren, but blech, this makes me sick. I’ve signed up to boycott him. Thanks for the information. If you look at the facebook page photo, you will join. It’s gross and a TERRIBLE image for young girls.
Your mami was actually going to buy Scott a real, live owl?????? ROFL I love it! Our moms were separated at birth!!!
Sometimes – all you need are pictures to capture the joy of a slide! Weeee.
ps-love his little Christmas jacket!!!
No no its not done until he knocks it over and it stays crooked til U take it down..lol 😉
Its cute.. next yr get one half the size and put it on a table where He cant reach it.
aww cute
i miss the playground.. spent hrs on the swings 🙂
awww-it’s still cute-even though it’s a little empty below!
Hugs!
My family left our home on Willliam St in Corning when the horn went off warning us the dike had broken.
We went to Winfield Street School and left there when we saw the school was unable to take care of all who had come there for shelter. We drove thru water covered roads to get to Syracuse where we had family.
When we returned the following Monday, after the waters had receded, we discovered an amazing event.; my husband had made spaghetti sauce the night we left thinking that this was a false alarm and we could have a nice dinner when we returned.
Instead, I was amazed to find the pot of sauce had floated across the kitchen and had come to rest atop the regrigerator and not a drop of it was spilled. Our end tables were lifted to the ceiling and sat back down, leaving the doilies and the ashtrays untouched by the flood waters but a piano was complete destroyed.
We spent the rest of the summer cleaning the mud at night, going to work during the day and leaving every Firday night to go see our daughters and returning every Monday morning to start all over again.
We had to end up getting a HUD trailer put iin our backyard so that we could bring our daughters home for school that September.
The best thing I can remember that came out of all this tragedy was how neiighbors who were so busy with their own lives before the flood came together to help each other after
Ha!! Oh girl, don’t forget, you are Wonder Girl and you can get it done. Call me when you get a second, I have a couple ideas! xoxoxo, Jenny
I felt very touched by what I read in Calling the Circle.
Thanks for writing about Latinas.
I invite you to visit our site http://www.EducacionAlternativa.org
Please feel free to share any comments/ ideas with us.
Looking forward here from you.
Regards,
Mari Luce Fernández
Founder
EducacionAlternativa.org
LOVE him!!! and that little face!
I was living in the town of Corning (Riverside) at the time of the flood just north of the old railroad bed (now the bike path) with my two small children. I knew something big was going to happen even though all reports were that the dikes would hold and protect the area. The evening before the flood, I filled all my pots, pans, pails, etc. with rain water. My yard was like walking on a sponge. I listened all night to the radio, but when it when off the air early in the morning, I fell asleep. My neighbors awakened me, I gathered up my children, a few things to eat and drove up on the road behind Calvin U Smith school. As we left our tract of homes, the water was coming up Charles Street. Fortunately, my home was protected by the RR bed, and I only had 13 inches of surface water in the basement. All of the homes on the other side of the RR bed were flooded to their roofs. In fact, 3 people perished in that area. When we decided it was safe to return home, I took in two families from Riverside Circle (13 in all) for the night. We ate from my freezer and drank the clean rain water I had collected. The water from the eves, flushed the toliet. One family stayed with me for six weeks until their trailer home arrived. Everyone was affected in some way by this major tragedy. There were many heroic rescues, and it is a miracle more people did not perish. I think of how the area looked from the top of the overpass near the old box factory about 11 AM when my children and I walked there to view the water. The huge paper barrels were dancing in the water just like toys in a dirty lake. While we stood there, a house on the Northside blew up, and it was evident McDonald’s was being flattened. I think of the gentleman who sat for hours on top of the hill transmitting any and all information he could get on his CB radio. For days, he was about the only source of information. It was 5 days before I could get a message to my parents in Lindley to let them know we were OK. I think of the scene at Calvin U Smith school when I finally went there to see if I could help. I went home and gathered up all of my blankets I wasn’t using and took them back to the school. I remember thinking I had never seen so many people and families walking around holding hands and dazed from the experience. All they had left was each other in most cases. I remember having to drive to Bradford, NY to put gas in my car, the dust and dirt when things dried up, and the presence of The National Guard. I have lived through an ice storm since moving to the Rochester, NY area which people here thought was a real tragedy. To me, it was an inconvenience; nothing like the flood of 1972 which involved the whole Southern Tier and ended up reshaping much of the area. Corning, Inc. played a huge role in providing help and optimism that we would all survive and come back strong. To those of us who experienced the 1972 flood, we will never forget it, and will always feel blessed that we survived and can look back on it with very mixed emotions.
CONGRATULATIONS girl!!!!!! I’m sure your editor will love it – you are BRILLIANT. Love, Jenny P.S. And kudos to BF on the garland. 🙂
I am sure they will love it, how could they not???
HUGS
Hi
We’re leaving soon! via Emirates to Ethiopia! I was wondering how picky they are about carry ons? it’s hard to figure out on their web site…….I looked like when traveling economy, you can only carry on one thing?
Any help would be great!
Chris
*sigh* See, Ro…I love you, girl! I don’t know if I could deal w/you messing with my flip flops!!!
And poor BF!!!! Brown noser, huh??? ROFL….
That girl from 9th grade? Was one of my first friends at the gigantic new school in a totally different part of the country. And she was kind (remember when we used to tease YOU because you could never say anything mean about people???!!!) and always a friend to everyone she met.
She still is.
See — I’m someone who’s constantly weeding things out. I love these kinds of cleans, but they don’t happen that often because I’ve done it so often. My husband has boxes marked “items I would prefer not be thrown away” and the like. I do have clothes in 4 sizes, but I blame that on being big before pregnancy and now very small after. I’m keeping them because I don’t know what the next few babies will do to me, and I’m tired of buying new clothes!
You are funny sometimes, not all of the time, but sometimes like right now. Futherrmore you will never be able to pull a false crime scene plea on me again.. I am such a sucker!
BF
lmmfao!!! I love it! thats the Ro-Ro we know and love 🙂
Love it! (Except the last sentence. I know you’ve got a little more depth than that implies.)
Sooo love this post and totally agree about BF and the brown noser!!!! Ohhh-and when you come to Cali…you are not going anywhere near my closet!
ROFLMAO….there’s only so much BF can accept!!!
I am just about to start The Help for my book club and I am excited!. My favorite books of 2009 were Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and The Crowning Glory of Calla Lilly Ponder by Rebecca Wells. The first touched my life and the second was more light hearted and fun but still had some definite thought provoking situations.
Charlie is the same with the cob. Cob-crazy. LURVES it!
I wrote a post about my faves of 2009, you can get a list of about 10 awesome books there. Into the Wild, by Krakauer was probably the one that lingered and haunted me the most though.
Oh, I just did a post on this for my own blog. My word for this year is: faith. I’ve had a very blessed few years, and now I find myself constantly waiting for things to go wrong — the other shoe to drop, so to speak. No way to live life. So this year I want to have faith — not that everything will always go well, but that I will find the resilience in myself and through the support of family and friends to respond to the challenges that do arise.
Wellness is a great thing to strive for — great choice, Rosie.
I’m so glad that the hard work you put in was validated. Congrats, I can’t wait to see it when it’s published.
RECLAMATION -” the conversion of wasteland into land suitable for use of habitation or cultivation.”
After 5.5 years of full time parenting, I am in reclamation mode . . .for me and for my little loves. 🙂
cool stuff, mija. U keep it real at all times and that’s why I love & respect you, ma.
U keep it real at all times, ma, and that’s why I love and repsect you, C. And the pic is so cute! :o)
C keeps it real at all times and is just one cool mija. I love u girlie! Keep doing like you do, boo.
RELAX. Although my acquaintances likely take me for a happy-go-lucky girl, my good friends and close family understand that I have a VERY hard time relaxing. Guys, I have trouble relaxing during full-body massages and yoga class. I’ve been told that it’s the result of my mind’s chemistry, and I’m sure that’s right…but sometimes I find brief moments where I’m truly present, happy, and RELAXED, and the whole world looks different. I can feel my body buzzing with life, see the beautiful colors around me, and notice and appreciate the wonderful life I’ve made for myself. If in 2010 I could have more of these moments…and turn them into minutes…and go from there…how great that would be.
That’s just beautifully expressed.
You are beautiful and sweet and smart and loved- R
Presence. In a year where I sense there will be lots of opportunities to worry about what is to come, I want to be able to truly soak up the moments as they come to me without anxiety about the next step. I can be so bad about enjoying what I have while I have it, and I want to focus on allowing myself to enjoy each piece of life as it comes.
I can relate, Laura!
My word this year is Resilience. I have a lot of change coming up this year that should bring me to a wonderful place in life for 2011 but first I have to make it through 2010. This year I am trusting that my past experiences, personal strength, and supportive friends will get me through the in-between time with grace and hopefully that I will learn to be a stronger, more resilient woman for having gone through the experiences and changes ahead.
Acceptance. Of myself and others.
Kelley’s is definitely my favorite. What a great word, and what an important concept for a parent.
Appreciate is my word for the year, so that I can learn to honor my time and myself.
Happy one year. Crying tears of joy for you. What an amazing moment it is when a family is formed. I am so blessed to know you and BF and to have our paths cross.
Beautiful! I needed this today 🙂
The is the most adorable chubby little hand I’ve ever seen. Congratulations on your first year as a family, and best wishes for many more.
Wonderful!
Rosie, this is so beautiful. Congratulations to you all!
hi my name is norma giron and i was wondering if i can apply for for this scholarship
Hey Norma! The girls for this scholarship are chosen when they are in seventh grade through a school partnership we have so it’s probably not a fit for you but there are some great scholarships out there so keep up your work! Best of luck to you!
tears to my eyes, so happy for you three!
I got chills reading your beautiful story! Thank you for sharing…
I love this, Rosie!! I try to do this every day but it’s really hard, especially when you are one of the 57% whose mother was negative about her body. But it just makes me that much stronger each day that I don’t say anything negative about myself out loud. Plus, the less I actually hear myself saying negative things about my body, the less it’s actually on my mind. It makes cupcakes, red wine, and pasta that much more enjoyable and exercise more mental and spiritual than physically necessary.
We have ZERO TV stations at our home. We allow the kids one video a day in the Michigan winters. I’d guess I spend an hour online a day. Reading the news, checking email, and every few weeks checking blogs. We find much peace, and alot of 100 percent focus happens without all the distractions. I know myself enough to know that I could not have TV and facebook, and still be focused on life!!! (I’m weak!)
I’ll also add that it’s been great for me and the hubby to not be viewing the worlds crazy TV shows of what people are like. His eyes can be on me, and mine, on his. And that is the way we feel is truth. Real people, real spouses. No competition, no lies.
Love you Rosie! I’m behind on blog checking, but good to find you again!
Ayyyye woman…you get me all choked up!!!! Seriously! Love you all and congrats on the 1st year of family!!!
He is getting so big!!
He is sooo handsome!
I have a similar bedside table–love Karp! I just added The Postmistress by Sarah Blake–Kathryn Sackett raved about the book.
Oh, my!! No he didn’t!! BF, BF, BF!!! I thought he’d learned his lesson long ago and far away??? Freaking dying here, Ro!!!!
You should publish this story. Obviously, BF made a mistake, but it sounds like he repaired the damage pretty handily.
oh no!!! and he wondered why I sent fake cupcakes?.. this is why BF!! lmmfao!! dying
You Know she has a blog.. Just stop eatting her cupcakes..lol 😉
Thank you Jill, I feel that I repair most of the damage I create in a smart, effecient, way better than before method. Your girl is tough on a man, but I think I’ll keep her….or maybe I should hope she keeps me.
BF
Im looking to do my practice in PR.. What orphange is this?
Oh this was so long that I can’t remember. It was in the hills of Camuy. Best of luck to you!
Thanks you so much! What a great book ! It took me on an emotional roller coaster filled with laughter and tears. Brought back many childhood memories I had until then forgotten. I was surprised that no one spoke to the topic of alcoholism and addiction. Great insight
Thanks so much, Heidi! I am glad that you found the book and that it was a compelling read for you!
Making it through the day without losing my cool….very few and far between though 🙁
🙁 Hope little man is feeling better! Love the pics!
Thankx I needed a fix 😀
I hope the baby face is feeling better soon
Excellent goodness. Remind me to tell you about the ONE time I came home after a Swedish Aquavit party (we are basically talking vodka) and really needed simply to sleep. “Mama…,” a little warm spit-up breath blowing into my face….
Poor little guy. Hope he is feeling better.
That cute smile, sure is goodness!
My beautiful – the dear sweet friends I’ve grown to consider as my sisters. I grew up without sisters. Only being a sister to my 6 year younger brother. So I never got to share secrets, or make up, or stories about love. I now have some sweet sisters that I love and adore and they are my BEAUTIFUL!!!! Muah!
Awwwww….the ol stink eye!!!! Oh 13 will be such fun!
200 minutes a week???? *gasp*
LOVE, LOVE this idea!!! I think I may have to do one!! Thanks, Ro!
Wild child. 🙂 As long as my child wasn’t one of those who always had to be in motion, the kind that would exhaust me just by watching, the kind that zips hither and yon, to and fro, the kind that bounces and jumps and skips all while singing loudly and off key, I’d be ok. [insert laughter here] But somehow through amazing grace, I’ve been given the energy (or something) to just barely keep up each day. Not every day. But most.
Great post, realization, and question!
Rosie I am so proud of you! The magic of motherhood is proven here. Guys, she’s not kidding, she is SUCH a medical fainter. 🙂 And a diagonal sleeper. How do you & BF sleep together, by the way? Do you make an X or Y in the bed?
The first time Sam bled (his head hit the corner of the coffee table and made a gash…after we had decided at age 4 we could bring the coffee table back in), I clearly remember thinking, where’s mom? Then I realized I’M MOM!!!! OH NO!!! 😉 But, yeah, you handle it somehow. God blesses mommies with special powers.
hey 1st r u on facebook 2nd i’m 2 am half white half puerto rican my father is german/irish my mom is puerto rican thanks for expressing what i really felt also let me piont out thet ur hot n also i’ve had my entire life the same struggle i’m 2 white for pricans n 2 puerto rican for whites if you have a facebook look 4 me ryan o’meilly anywho i would like to b friends with ya bye take care
When is the Puerto Rican community in New York going to grow up. It;s time for the Puerto Ricans to come out and show the world that we are very smart and intelligent people. That we can also achieve, and become who we want . Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers, Nurses, Teachers, and the list goes on and on. I’m tired of people looking down on Puerto Ricans, and say , “We are no good for nothing”, that’s not true. “We are, and we can achieve”.
Id have to see a b4 pic.. of the brillo pad.. or ur best hair day
so come on rosie..
♪ stike a pose (vogue, vogue, vogue)♪ ..lol
its ok, go for it
You are a die-hard warrior, I swear! I think that another part of your message- or what I got from your class- is to do what is right for YOU. You aren’t doing it to make someone else see you any differently; you’re doing it for your own low-maintainability. Go Rosie, Go.
I say do it and tell me how it goes…I might do it! Your hair is sooo not worse than mine!!! LOL
I am totally with Christine. It’s not about conforming to meet someone else’s idea of beauty, it is genuinely a personal choice. Shouldn’t we celebrate that we have choices? Besides, you could think of it like a pedicure (just with a different pricetag!).
Y’all are great. If someone asked me this same question, I would totally celebrate her right to personal choice and style as long as she wasn’t doing it from a place of finding her beauty happiness in that one basket (and Christine, I am so glad that is the message that you got from class! That made my day!). So, I am embracing y’all’s permission to do it if I can stomach the pricetag. An update soon!
I think the question to ask yourself is- have you checked out the artists website when you saw her sticker? I have been behind cars with those sorts of advertisements and have remembered some of the sites etc… and checked them out at a later moment (usually when I remember)
Please know that I love with love 🙂 and I too am undone by poop (any poop)
*laugh with love*
Ohhhhh my!!!!
Happy – 1
Mom – 0
Today.
Tomorrow is a new day!!!!
Who’s job is it to pick up the poop???
Rosie! Did you get the treatment? Are you a happier girl! Love you, Jenny
Oh dear! You DID need a do-over! Of course you are keeping your dignity and humor and I love that. 😀
Are you serious? What if every guy who loved boobs started taking women’s shirts off? Who does this kind of stuff? Gross!!
They grow to fast! Love you are photodocumenting it 🙂
I feel for Lola, there have been times in stores I have wanted to walk away and turn my back as if I didn’t know them all and hope another family would take me home and Ashley has had to come back and get me *wink*
Time really flies by so fast… He’s so cute, i love the pictures.
love love love the pix!!
DJ Earworm has free downloads of his mashups–they are all about 3-5 minutes long and have great beats.
http://www.djearworm.com
Keep going!!
I love listening to Isreal and the New Breed LIVE from Africa…
Ooo – DJ Earworm – never heard of it! I’m a big White Stripes fan when it comes to working out. 😀
Try “Go Baby” by Lupe Fiasco and “The Way I Are” by Timbaland.
“So What” – Pink
“Let it Rock – Lil’ Wayne and Kevin Rudolf
“Bad Romance” – Lady GaGa
“Highway to Hell” – AC/DC
“C’est La Vie” – Bob Seger (personal favorite)
…Just to name a few.
I have loads more I can e-mail you! I switch up my workout mix about as much as my underwear. Mainly because I simply have no motivation without rockin’ tunes.
Traditions are fun. We liked to fool the fire out of our boys on April Fools Day–always harmless and usually fun for them and us. But fooled they were. On Easter, the Bunny loaded up their baskets but hid them very well; sometimes too well. After many warmer-colder-cool-warm-chilly-warmer clues, we sometimes just gave up. Dying eggs was not ceremonial, but when it we could get it together, it became an exercise in family creativity. I miss that. Regardless, I would start whenever you feel like it; it’s not just for Baby. It’s for Family.
Easter Bunny Cake! My mom still makes it…It’s white cake with white icing and coconut sprinkled on it. She did one round cake and then another cake that she cut to look like ears and a bow tie. Then my brother and I got to decorate it with jelly beans and licorice. It was always more fun than dying eggs- which we did too- and I know we will continue that tradition with Nolan.
Just found your post and I thought it was great 🙂 I can see the BF cowering in the bushes, we keep snakes and I went downstairs to find one was out and having a little wander, if it had been wild I can’t say I’d have been so calm thats a great story our rat snake is about 6 feet they do grow to a good size I can imagine finding that under the babies bed would give you a shock xxx
BF you and Rosie are some of our favorites! We are so glad you guys are you guys together 🙂
Ohhh man-I have laughy tears!!! Oh…that girl!
Only “that girl” from recent memory was my cousin’s wedding. After the wedding, mom and aunt found women’s shoes left by a guest…next day, they are telling us how BIG these shoes were, and whoever had them, must be CinderFELLA.
Johnny’s (bachelor forever friend) date speaks up, “Heyyy-I lost my shoes last night!” and lo and behold – CinderFELLA WAS FOUND!!!!
Ha. That girl!
Happy 8 years my dear friends!!!! Love you both!!!!
If I ever re-marry – I promise no Brickhouse or Electric Slide…but no promises on the Macarena!
Hee hee! I have caught Harry trying to swing a leg over before, but he can’t get the momentum to swing the other over. I bet the sleep sack pulled the second leg over!
Hope this isn’t a glimpse into the high school years….
LOVE it!!!!!! Baby was just thrilled with his adventure!!!!!!
Of course he got the sippy cup – all that work, you’d be thirsty too!
A fighter jet flyover
2001 at Williams Brice
Singing Amazing Grace
Reconnecting with a long lost friend
Finding your lost car keys
Snuggling a clean baby
Towels just out of the dryer
Seeing that first Punch Buggy on a long road trip
Sunsets over water
Floating in a pool
Knowing the answer on a game show
Crossing a finish line 🙂
Thanks so much for the shout-out, Rosie! We’re excited to see the GoodGuides program start to really make a difference for both the mentors and the mentees. Love the “mutual mentorship” concept–it’s so true!
Thanks for giving me the motivation I needed to lower Charlotte’s crib! Right after reading this I went and did it! Now she seems bewildered at not being able to peer over the rail. She must think she shrunk. LOL.
I love to learn what you are reading! Right now Ashley and I are reading(aloud together) Fathered by God by umm John Eldredge I believe…
I am also re-reading everything I highlighted in The Connected Child 🙂
Love the pics of him on the bridge!
I am soo impressed he did it with the “sack” on! and a little fearful for you and BF too!
Ha! You’re asking the wrong person that question! Have we not talked about my “to be read” piles????
Seriously, what’s with that? I hear ya loud and clear. I’m starting to feel the same from my lovely little one, although I haven’t watched her interact with others and comply….as of yet.
I’m intrigued by your observation…very interesting. Oh Motherhood, how much have a grown stepping into that role!
Lovely and thought provoking post, Thank you 😀
I was reading Loving Frank, but it was too tragic, so I stopped. I started Jen Lancaster’s Pretty In Plaid right away and am laughing my fanny off.
I am reading Little Bee right now. I bought it for Chris’s mom for her birthday because I thought the write up on the back looked really interesting but I had no idea what it was about. She called me to say she read it in two days and loved it. So, I bought it the other day and it is REALLY good…Then I’ll start Kabul Beauty School 🙂
Can’t wait to hear about it and see the photos, loved the homage to curls!
I loved seeing the past pics! I str8n my hair once back in high school…and again when I cut out the dreads we had started…if I could do anything right now with my hair it would be to get the small dreads, that is NO fuss hair 😉
Hmm there is something I can add to the “want” list of my tax return 🙂
Beans, beans, beans! There are so many varieties of dried beans and taking the time to make a big pot can really help with meals for the week (especially since you might be making two different dinners instead of the usual one). Plus they are very filling and a great source of protein. Combine with rice and you’ll have all the proteins you need to stay healthy. Bon Appetit had a great piece on white beans (cannellini) back in October. Here are links to a couple of the recipes from it (note that the first recipe is just a basic recipe that gets the beans ready for use elsewhere: salads, soups, sides, etc):
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Cannellini-Beans-with-Garlic-and-Sage-355216
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/White-Bean-and-Pasta-Soup-355200
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Slow-Cooked-Tomato-and-Herb-White-Beans-355555
YAY! I love this post! Right now I am working on limiting my consumption of animal products to twice a week (my beloved cheese is the only stumbling block to becoming fully vegan!)
I really like Isa Chandra Moskowitz’s newish cookbook “Veganomicon”, and her cookie book makes my life a happy place. She also has recipes on her blog http://www.theppk.com/blog/. I also hear good things about “Viva Vegan” by Terry Hope Romero.
For me, the most important thing is mindful eating. “Diet for a New America” by John Robbins set me on the path back in college. Jonathon Safran Foer’s book “Eating Animals” also looks like a good read.
Happy eating!!
I’m a huge fan of Heidi Swanson’s blog 101cookbooks.com and her cookbook Super Natural Cooking. All the recipes are vegetarian, and the flavors are phenomenal. Plus, she explores lots of different grains, veggies, etc. so the meals are never boring and always super nutritious. Can’t say enough good things about Heidi…she completely altered the way I think about cooking!
So happy to have found your blog and look forward to reading more!
You ladies are incredible. I have printed the recipes and asked the library for the books you suggested (and they don’t have holds so I should get them in the next day or two). Hooray!
Also, my friend Isha is a great foodie and cook and she suggested these recipes, too, for others who are looking for vegetarian fare:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/mediterranean-farro-salad-recipe/index.html
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Poblano-Potato-and-Corn-Gratin-357891
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/zucchini-and-goat-cheese-crustless-quiche-recipe/index.html
Keep the ideas, input coming! I’ll do regular food updates during this span with recipes, things that worked and didn’t, etc. I’m already feeling more energetic!
I really enjoy the Sundays at Moosewood cookbook, which has a variety of vegetarian recipes (some more authentic than others, as the authors would tell you 🙂 from various places and cultures around the world: Finland, Chile, Japan, India, New England, Armenia, the Caribbean, North Africa, Southern U.S., and so on. Lots of soup recipes, which might not be so helpful in the summer, but are good for the winter! I found it particularly useful as I was trying to use up CSA vegetables this summer, since they incorporate a wide variety of vegetables in their recipes: Some of their recipes can be found here: http://www.moosewoodrestaurant.com/recipes_archive.html
I also know of several people who really enjoy the Simply in Season cookbook (though I’m not sure if it’s fully vegetarian). That might be another one to check out, especially with summer approaching. Good luck!
Looks good! Interesting treatment process-what I did to str8n mine in high school was much different and probably much harsher on my hair. Keep us posted!
that’s a “framer”! he’s adorable and i love that he’s so social. I love that he makes friends wherever he goes…..And, I love that you are starving after swimming. I just need to step foot in a pool and I become ravenous. And, you are right….the little onions coupled with the mustard, ketchup concoction is what makes it. can’t wait to hear about the veggie weeks! i have a great recipe for sweet potato and black bean enchiladas I can share. they are great!
Thank you so much for posting this, Rosie. I don’t have children, but I’d like to start a family soon, and this book gives me such hope. My mother’s criticisms of her own body are absolutely mirrored in my sister and my struggles with our own body image. I realize that I won’t be a perfect parent, but I’d like to make some inroads in ending this cycle of damaging self-consciousness.
I hope you are pleased with the results! I am getting a haircut tomorrow. I never “do” my hair either. I don’t even look in the mirror before I leave the house so it’s often a ratty mess. But I still like my curls.
Wow – your hair looks so shiny and beautiful!
As a fellow curly girl, I’ve been toying with the idea of some sort of straightening – my hairdresser’s been telling me about Japanese straight or a Brazilian straight, which I’m considering. But, they’re expensive and I’m afraid that in 4 months my hair will be both curly again anyway and breaking due to the chemicals.
How’s your hair looking today? Do you like it? What finally made you do it? My hair is much more tightly curled than yours, but I’m running out of patience. 🙁
Hey Joanne!
So, the Brailizan straightening is what I did which is organic (from a plant product) and not harsh. I wouldn’t have been willing to do something harsher and so knowing that this more gentle option was available was helpful in my decision. My hair dresser says this will last 3-5 months depending on how often I wash it (everyday washers see their curls come back in 3 months, a few times a week washers see their curls come back in 5). She did it to her hair and her curls are back but without frizz and not quite as tight as they were before– she’s happy with them and they look good.
I finally decided to do it because it honestly doesn’t look good right now curly– I am not sure what was going on with it; my sense is hormoes. And while I don’t have much time to get ready right now with the toddler, I do still need to look presentable a few times a week for different things and I wasn’t looking presentable or professional. I have no hair skill whatsoever so it seemed like this might be the best solution for a woman without brush skills or time. We’ll see how that works out over time.
Today is the first day that I can wash it so I am doing that in just a bit. I’ll give you a report on how it looks when it dries soon!
Let me know what you decide!
Hi Rosie!
Thanks for the reply. How cool! Funny thing is – first the hairdresser and I discussed Japanese – but I’m sooo reluctant to put harsh chemicals in. Got convinced to do anti-curl about 7 years ago and I like for about a year until I had to chop 8 inches off because it was breaking so bad.
She mentioned the Brazilian, but she’d only had the product for about 1 day and hadn’t done it on anyone yet. So, she asked for some time to test it out. Maybe I’ll go check in with her and try it. Except my hair is sooo thick, you think it will work? Is your hair thick?
Joanne,
In terms of thickness, my hair isn’t as thick as it used to be (again, aging and hormone changes, I think) but my hairdresser’s hair is crazy thick and she also did it on her co-worker whose hair is crazy thick and it worked well on both of them.
What I wasn’t prepared for after the first wash was the crazy, pin straightness. I let it air dry yesterday and it just sorta hangs down limply straight. I definitely need to style it, I think, to get the best look out of it. I’ll keep you posted!
OMG – while I could never give up meat altogether, I do love a good veggie meal every once in a while.
I love this site:
http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/
I’ve made about 3 or 4 of her eggplant and/or tofu dishes and they’re easy and delicious. Due to limited grocery options and because I’m not vegan, I don’t quite go as vegan as she does, but the recipes are great starting points!
Check it out! The food is delish!
I read Jeanette Walls’s Glass Castle and Half Broke Horses is now on my list. Also, just bought Committed but haven’t read it yet. Thanks!
Have read Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and loved it! The Shakespeare Secret was surprisingly rather interesting to me.
Stephanie mentioned Jen Lancaster and I have to say I LOVE her books. Perfectly snarky, hilarious reads if you want some humor!
Unfortunately my to-be-read shelf is twice as big as yours, and I’m lagging. 🙁
Forgive me if I sounds like I’m just pilfering from your beautifully written comment on my post yesterday, but thank you, thank you for this reminder. So powerful and yet so hard to remember — and even harder to accept when you’re in the throws of it.
I think that “It’s not about you.” actually applies to most anything negative or critical someone might say to you. When someone says something cruel about your appearance or behavior, it’s so freeing to pause a beat and remember that that negative thought is coming from a hurting place in the other person. When I’m able to make that leap from getting offended (and defensive) to recognition and understanding….oh man, my anger dissolves and I feel like I’ve chipped away at some of the baggage I carry around, getting closer to the real me..
One more for your list, Rosie: _How to Cook Everything Vegetarian_ by Mark Bittman (a writer for the New York Times).
Whoa – big step Rosie! Congratulations! Thanks for sharing the recipes…I love vegetarian eating. But I’m certainly not ready for this…and I PROMISE not to brag to you after my next McDonald’s run – haha! I tried to call you earlier…holla when you can!
Awww I Love this pic!!! soo cute 😀
great topic, great entry!
Really appreciate this post. The idea that we are not what happened to us, as you say, is such a powerful one and also so difficult to wrap my head around. Of course, the whole problem is that I’m trying to use my mind to make sense of a part of me that is separate from my thought process.
This entry has also reaffirmed for me why I’ve decided to blog about my healing process; thank you for that. I’d love to see more journaling prompts, too.
(Also, I haven’t forgotten about that recipe I posted about last week; I’m having camera issues but should be able to post it soon.)
So sweet, Rosie! I admire you for not eating him up!! 😀
When I was a nanny I would get the older kids to read to the younger ones.. The older ones loved holding court and the younger ones couldnt wait to be the ones sitting in thier chair..
I remember going to the library with my dad too.. it was a block from our house.. I still call that Library “MY Library” 🙂
I love this post!
My mother took my brothers and I to the library every Saturday as children. I would always come home with a stack of books. Growing up in Florida, we spent so much time at the beach and my mother always worried about sun exposure. While at the beach, we had to come inside from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. every day which gave us plenty of time for reading.
This is AMAZINGGG!!!!!!! 😀 I know so many young latinas that would appreciate all of this !! 🙂 I will def pass along 🙂
-Liliana Leon
you had till I read peas…sigh….
Wow, some very profound insight from your students! How affirming that must be.
I had thought that my teaching days were over, but reading about your experiences in the classroom makes me wonder if perhaps I’ve just been teaching the wrong thing for six years! Thank you causing me re-evaluate some “absolutes” I’d been carrying around…
I love my Nikon D40, but it depends on what kind of camera you are looking to get and how much you are wanting to spend. Give me a call if you want to discuss cameras.
I, too, love this post! I wholeheartedly agree that all of my educational successes were because I loved to read. My brother is the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, and he is a voracious reader – and always has been. I can’t think of anything that my parents did or didn’t do with or for us when we were kids, except read. When we were babies/toddlers, we got read too. All the time. By everyone, mom, grandma, babysitter, whoever was around.
Summertime, instead of going to summer camp on the beach like everyone else. The younger kids like myself got to play school camp where the bigger kids were our “tutors” and we did science and math and reading all summer. My grandmother was a retired school teacher by the time my brother and I were school age so she did our homework with us and made up all kinds of worksheets and workbooks for us to do in our spare time.
I can’t recall whether we always got educational toys because we liked them or whether we liked them because they were given to us. But I do the same now to all the kids in my family. Every Christmas, I get the kids a “fun” toy. But, for their birthdays they get a “smart” toy – whether it’s a book collection (my favorite gift is to give the girls a collection of books that I loved – Dr. Seuss collection, Beverly Cleary, etc.) or a project type gift that forces them to build or create something, be artistic, etc.
I love the ideas that you’ve shared here and I’m going to print this out for future reference! 🙂
Thanks, Rosie and sorry for the looooong comment.
This is so true. Thanks for writing this insightful and profound post; I wish all girls could read it.
Rosie, I love this exercise and these questions. I am so conscious of inspiring this kind of dialogue with my daughter and only just now becoming aware of the importance of doing it with myself. Thanks for making me think. Gotta run now and give some thought to these questions.
Your “friend” and I have very much in common with the poetry recitation- If was one of the poems my dad had me memorize out of the “best loved poems of the american people” book that his parents gave him in 1957 and I still often recite it to myself- probably my most favorite poem. I also memorized Casey at the Bat… Invictus… Oh Captain My Captain… and my dad would have me occasionally recite the poems for small gatherings of family/friends to practice public speaking :p
Like you I was always trying to get away with reading at the table… and in the bath-tub… and when I was supposed to be asleep or studying… a love of reading is one of the best gifts parents can give/encourage in their children… I know Happy will pick it up fast between you and BF. 🙂 And in the meantime enjoy your story (and song) time together! Such sweet and precious moments.
Thank you so much for these prompts. They’ve sparked some really useful internal work for me.
I have the Canon Powershot G7, have had it for a few years, and really love it. It’s not teeny, but it’s not huge, either, and it doesn’t have a shutter lag, so I can get action shots. Plus it has a decent zoom.
All of these photos were taken with it: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexandrialeigh/sets/72157614397477594/
what if crazy is your own child? what’s a girl to do then?
very nice indeed
Wow! Serendipitous, indeed. Thank you for the continued inspiration. I like this line especially: “By falling in love with something, they fell in love with themselves.” In some ways, it’s a relief to think that focusing on something else — something either than my body or my weight or my whatever — can bring that ever elusive self-acceptance.
You put this so much more eloquently than I ever could, but I hope for that, too. The ability to give my son “a run at happiness.”
Thanks for this post. It reminded me that I need to take a step back from everything else and remember that soon, I’m going to be responsible for the happiness of a tiny baby.
Great post. This is my new mantra. I engage crazy far too often and I’m going to stop right now.
The cover is gorgeous, Ro!!! Congratulations, honey!!!!
Rosie, this is beautiful. For me, it is about the freckles. She had to learn to love them. I don’t even see the tattoo. I see the freckles, which I see as stunning, and she used to hate. We all have those damn freckles. We have to learn to love them.
WOW! I love it. Congratulations!
LOVE IT!!!
Very cool Rosie! Can you believe it?! I am so dang proud of my oldest, in years of friendship, friend. 🙂 I love it and YOU! CONGRATULATIONS!
Ohhh-I just love it! And I totally love the freckles and the hint of a tattoo! LOVE LOVE it!!! Congrats!!!!
The cover is gorgeous. I love especially how the angle makes the image so personal and intimate. Congratulations on this next step!
Where’s the “LOVE” button????
Fantastic!!
He’s becoming a little man!!! Too adorable!!
Add me to your blog tour, Ro!!
I have only a wee readership at this point, but I would love to be on your blog tour, Rosie.
Can’t wait to read _Beautiful You_!
What do you most appreciate about yourself?
I want to take the road less traveled.
About what are you most confident?
I like “living” life to its fullest and testing what my limitations are and how far I am willing to push these limits (safely).
How do you care for yourself each day?
I give myself the opportunity to chose to just relax and “be” but for the most part, I am always choseing to “hit it head on” and it feels good that I know it is a choice – knowing that, I seem to feel more empowered.
How do you show yourself a lack of concern on a regular basis?
I am not good to my body as I could be: I sleep late; I push myself to learn & do more; I love hard; I work hard; I play hard.
What is your vision for yourself and how is that different from who you are today?
I want to find a niche that I can contribute to my sister Latinas that would assist in combating injustices in how men see women. I also want to help to repair how us Latinas are perceived as individuals, how we perceive ourselves, within the community, and in the job force. I hope to accomplish this goal by mending misunderstandings within ourselves by developing myself and by being a mentor that would warrant fellowship from other Latinas. I must practice what I preach right? Today, I am trying to develop that image within myself first, as I believe that I my efforts are not being received by others with the intentions that I long to create.
I love your book Hijas Americanas. There are so many aspects of your book that I relate to. Currently, I buy copies of this book and give it to a few of my Latina classmates as gifts. I have found that they are secretly just as misplaced as I had been. Since I am 36, and my classmates are much younger than I, your book creates an easy way for me to describe what I sense they may be going through without me having to discuss such private details of either of our lives. I have foung this to be true and they are relieved to read your book – thank you. Although I am not a professional & have never been a mentor to anyone, I feel that my personal experiences parallel the direction of Hijas Americanas and I have wanted to help someone else who may be going through some of the hardest parts of what I have already gone through – and I hate to see that. Since I have bought your book for others, I appreciate that I can possibly make a positive impression in their lives by creating a bridge of mentorship that satisfies my interest in contributing to the Latina self-discovery.
Melissa, what lovely reflections. Thank you for sharing them here. It seems as if you have articulated some thoughts that will help you to breakthrough. I wish you all the best!
And I am so happy to hear that Hijas has found its way to you. And it sounds like you have been a mentor– whether you know it or not– to many others including your classmates whom you so thoughtfully buy the book for. I love your intentionality and hope to hear from you more in the coming days and months! Abrazos, Rosie
Love the cover! Seal Press never disappoints me with their book choices. Congrats on your new book!
I’ll join the barbecue with a few disparate comments myself: Love the pic and so relate to your thoughts about your son growing. It’s an amazing and sometimes bittersweet time.
So excited for you and the release of your book — loved the cover below — and feel, vicariously, what it must have been like to have the proofs arrive. You are so close now. Please, plan to guest on my blog AND, I’ll be happy to review the book as well, if you like.
And the NPR interview is interesting. That story overall hits me on so many levels — one being the honesty and intelligence of children and how they deserve our respect.
Well, Rosie, thanks for inviting me to the barbecue.
Lots to love in this post — new camera, awesome! Ethiopian food, delicious! There was a really excellent Ethiopian restaurant near us in Indiana, but I haven’t found a good one in MA yet…
Also, (and I realize that I’m plugging this book like it’s my job), Heidi Swanson’s Super Natural Cooking makes use of a variety of natural sweeteners (agave nectar, sucanat, honey, maple syrup, etc.) which has really helped me avoid baking with processed white sugar. Less processed sugar is healthier in general, I think, but I avoid it mostly because it seriously increases my anxiety. And actually, Heidi’s website (101cookbooks..com) has a lot of recipes featuring alternative sweeteners, so that might be worth checking out, too).
I would suggest Dar Williams’ “Peter Pan” and “The Babysitter’s Here.”
The first song talks about a tomboy growing up who recognizes the male and female qualities we all have and is conscious of the pressures of being a woman, and the other has a teenage role model who chooses to go to college even though her boyfriend doesn’t want her to.
She also has a song about a bunch of women chasing off a child molester, but I forget the name of it.
I came here via your post on Conroy’s Prince of Tides–I’ve eaten in a couple of Ethiopian restaurants. There is a vegetarian one an hour north of here and there was one in Vegas that has wonderful meats.
So interesting how development begins so early and that delays can be seen within just a few months. My daughter learned “No Mommy” too. They pick that up real quick. Thanks for sharing your experience. I think it’s good for us to remember that “delays” or “differences” are just another avenue for growth and understanding. How great you can make the process laid back and fun for your son, and interesting for the rest of us.
i love it. and i can’t wait to get a signed copy. (hint hint.) 🙂 you’re such a remarkable woman, rosie! i am proud to know you!
Rosie, I relate to all of this — except the book promotion (not there yet. )
The limited writing time, the lists (I bought a notebook just for my lists because listing on the computer was not satisfying enough) the grief over the growth of my baby to girl, which is so astounding and fills me with unlimited gratitude even while I’m still missing some (not all) of the baby moments. Books on vacation…The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a good one, but then every one’s saying that.
You nailed my life…and probably many can relate to different aspects. I love that you’ll share these moments with us, because these are truly what matter.
I can’t believe how grown up A is looking! He is so cute!! Glad you all got to visit with Jillian and her crew. Miss you guys!
Beautiful post Rosie. You “get it”!! It’s wonderful isn’t it? We STILL have a FLinstone’s car. We got ours for $5 at a garage sale. It had been through 3 kids and went through 3 more. OUr little friends that come over still love it. I am so glad you are enjoying motherhood. Love you!
Oh, and you’ll never regret those moments. I know everybody has told you the little ones grow up so fast. Children always trump to do lists!!
You’ll never regret a minute if you let the surprises happen. But I think you have figured that out.
Love that someone else also has a to do notebook. I knew you were a kindred, Polly!
And cheers to the unlimited gratitude that comes with motherhood.
We miss you all, too, Carole!
Ashley, they do grow so fast. A friend said the days are long but the years are short. That is so how I feel. Thanks for sharing the journey with me!
Meg, you are right. That is so well-said, the surprises are so waiting for and allowing the room to happen.
Hi, nice interview! I enjoy reading it.
Keep it coming!
Thank you, Rosie, for posting information about Gringa! This recipe is hilarious–my mom and I really thought we were making authentic Mexican food by sprinkling cheese on tortillas. But Gringa also includes one of the best and most authentic salsa recipes I’ve ever found, plus an incredible recipe for Spanish hot chocolate. Enjoy!
-Melissa
This retreat sounds phenomenal, Rosie; how I wish I lived closer!
Its true that fear rises with age. Well babies love water. And I love water too.
Awwwwww. he’ll get in there when he’s good and ready!!!! Or when it’s too hot to stand on the side anymore!!!!
Ohhhh-how I’m so sad I’m missing this! Come out west soon!!! Please!!!!!
pools and splash parks are not the beach.. it just looks different to him.. try getting a little kiddie pool for the yard.. OR wal-mart has this beach ball sprinkler thing.. Looks fun..lmao kinda wish i was a kid again 😉
I am so scared to take all 5 to the pool since NONE of them know how to swim! I am trying to arrange special needs swim class/private lesson on base *Cross fingers*
Bless his little heart standing there watching them…love the idea of a “splash garden!”
Oh my goodness, this sounds amazing!!! I need to check a few things in my planner, but I definitely am considering this. Statesville is 20 minutes from my hometown! I think it’s a sign.
I think you both won the partner lottery and that everyone in that house is blessed to be together! I consider myself blessed to be a friend to all of you! Can’t wait to get our boys together again!
You brought tears to my eyes!! You and BF are so lucky to have found each other and now Happy is part of the great family unit that you ALL are!!
Wow, that was beautiful Rosie! What a blessed family! You did win the lottery girl 🙂
This is a great thing to think about. Yes, I need to delight, to live, experience and let the beautiful Italian journal that I’ve had for two years, get all used up with interesting, grimy, challenging, inspiring, messy ideas and ink and smears. I’m going for the delight angle too…thanks for reminding me. Makes so much sense.
Ohhh-I have a pair of sexy red heels that have barely touched the flithy street. I’m breaking them out of the box and sporting them this weekend with my love!
Post pics of the bag – with it on your arm and while you are out and about! I’ll send you pics with my hot shoes on too!!!!
I’m also half-German and half-Mexican (father is from Bayern and mother from Durango.) It’s interesting to see another person of similar descent, I don’t think there are too many in the world 🙂
What a great point, Rosie! I recently noticed that I had let some truffle oil go bad because I never thought I had an occasion special enough to use it. Isn’t that awful?
This article made me laugh, and Suzette, you enjoy your red heels! I have AWFUL feet and have had bunion surgery; somehow this doesn’t stop me from buying to-die-for heels that I just Can Not Wear because they hurt me so badly. I can’t even donate them later because I love them so much. I look at them in my closet, pout, and curse the foot gods.
Here’s to using your truffle oil, wearing your heels, carrying your favorite bags, and realizing what you just should not buy!
Those hellacious baskets?!??!?!?
Gorgeous bag, Rosie!! I love it!!
Ohhhh-I love the bag and I’m so sad for the stain – but now you can take it out of the house and not park so far away from the front door. I’m also breaking out my diamond stud earrings this weekend too! And making mom break out the china so we can eat pizza over the weekend. Hmmm…but then I have to hand wash the dishes and that’s not fun. OK never mind on the china.
Muah! Love you!!!!
Wow – gorgeous bag, Rosie! It deserves to be admired by all who go to “the theatre.” 🙂
Thank you for your great tips. We are travelling soon to pick up a 2 year old boy and an 8 mos old girl. We are flying Emirates and I would like to take you up on your offer for advice on ensuring that our checked bags come through. Please email me at racheln00@gmail.com. Thanks so much!
Wonderful. I don’t have a single intelligent thing to say in response (I’m blaming the heat), but this was a lovely, lovely post.
thanks for the kind words on my blog! when I grow up I want to write like you!
At least the floor vents are nailed down!!! LOL!
YOu took my answer, Suez!!!! ROFL Although that’d be the #1 place to look!
Ladies,
That hurts, low blow…atleast our air ducts are in good shape.
I mean I can see your husband reacting this way, that is awesome. Great story!
I just love that BF does Happy’s hair in the morning! Jim is so hair-a-phobic. Any kind of hair! I went on a business trip for 4 days about a month ago, and left him very easy instructions on simply brushing Gigi’s hair, and then the two moisturizers for Gav’s hair as well as how to comb it out. Nothing happened. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or groan when I came home to ragamuffin looking children. All I could ask is, “Please tell me you told everyone I was away for the week?!” 🙂 (Thankfully he said yes.) Kudos for BF for being willing to “do hair.” I can imagine that was a huge compliment to him.
OH NO!! awwww.. the baby face is now marked?? ok breathe (that was for me) Lets start making that bubble wrap suit along with a helmet 😉
ok YAY on finding things.. boo on replacing them with other lost items.. mark his fave hiding places bc You may be looking for your keys or cell phone one day..lol
Two comments. One, remember to rotate the books. They will emerge differently with each six-month development, and he will see and love them differently. You probably know this. And the door-frame injury: Robin had just this injury, Awful. The Friday after Thanksgiving, 1981. He was 18 months old. Thank God for Dr. Bill, who met me at the office. I was his nurse. “It hurts, ma-a-amma; it hurts, ma-a-amma.” I almost fainted. Stopped at the old drugstore for antibiotics; holding him in my arms, waiting for my friend to bring the medicines back. Robin saw a dog running behind the stopped car: “Doggie! Doggie!” Robiin was fine. I am still almost okay.
I love this!!!! Perfecto!!!!
thats an awesome comeback!.. love it 😀
This is fantastic. Thanks for sharing!
This is beautiful and important. We rarely notice the flowers, or the stop lights, let alone each other. And yet, when we remain present in our own lives, just for one moment, life takes on color and texture and meaning. Being present also keeps us from making ghastly mistakes that can darken our life experience in a flash. Being present means we are more apt to notice each other — whether we’re driving or biking or just being — and in that noticing there is a richness and a connectedness that fills up all of our lives. Rosie, this is just a nice, thought-provoking post on so many levels. Thanks for reminding me to tune into to my own experience and in the process I’ll be able to better share the experiences of others. Best wishes to your friend. I hope she recovers quickly.
I have to admit that in the past I’ve gotten irritated with cyclists out on the road, and later, I’ve felt terrible about it. I know the law, and I’m fully aware that they have just as much right to be on that road as I do, but at that moment I feel inconvenienced because I have to wait for them.
As my due date comes closer, I’ve noticed that I’m especially careful about other people on the road, and I’ve practically slowed to a snail’s crawl through my neighborhood, because at any moment, a child could come dashing out into the street. I think, what on earth would I do if it were my child?
Thank you for the gentle reminder to stay present.
You know all those stories of mothers lifting cars off of their children? You can lift cars if that is what it takes! You would be fine alone–you’re inner mama-lion would have taken over!
Poor little man! Looks cute, stitches and all!
I tend to be more calm if someone else is with when an emergency. In order to remain calm I tend to let someone else take the lead, and just hold my baby. (it looks a little like deer in headlights actually;) Either that, or I freak out…totally freak out. There seems to be no medium with me. I too, have thought about what you have. Could I take care of this if I were alone? I think, yes! We knew that someone we know and love is also there caring for the child, and we trust them. If they weren’t there, I think we would spring into action:)
The scar will disappear. Promise.
Oh, and yes. No worries about the bad thing that happens when it’s just you. Just you will be plenty. I promise.
AY!! i cant even look at those pix 🙁
I think..no I KNOW You will be fine and do what needs to be done when the kid hurts himself again..(bubble wrap and helmet.. just sayin)
lol @ “not allowed to go”
oh lord U are just keeping the camera ppl in business arent you..lol
if U need help with making the video I can walk you threw most of it.. depending on what software you have..I have windows movie maker.. so start checking now..lol i made a short video with music of the 1st time I saw Luke walking 😀
I just shot short clips of Pinnochio dancing last night, I mean JJ….Oh I need to get those up on UTube….
Hmmm Ro-wonder if they make rubber cameras? Just sayin.
I’m totally with you on having to finish out the project! You can’t give up now! Nooo….I won’t let you!!!!
fyi.. they do have rubber slip on covers for cameras.. they arent cute but Miss Butterfingers wont care about that 😉
Hey Rosie!
A couple of years ago, I was one of those women on the treadmill! I didn’t work out to extremes like that, but I started noticing that my running was neither helping my body or my psyche. In order to get my body to move at the pace I wanted, I had to listen to what I call “hate music.” The fast beats and the lyrics of artists like Eminem and Limp Bizkit could get me running so fast you’d think someone was chasing me! Always introspective, I started to think, “Is this bringing me closer to God, or further away?” Finally I realized the answer to my own question and stopped running and started looking for another way to stay in shape. I admire runners who love to get outdoors and feel fresh air and pavement beneath their feet. Unfortunately, I am not one of them.
So, I started recording a yoga TV show I used to do in my 20’s and tried it again. After a short time of doing the show three times a week, I noticed that my muscles were getting stronger, I was getting leaner through the middle, and I started feeling happier with my body. The music of the show quieted my mind. Now I recommend yoga to anyone who will listen. Even my Granny (age 84) is doing it!
I totally agree with you that punishing your body like that is so sad. It is great for women to take care of themselves and get to the gym…but we should all try to love our bodies and take care of them in a healthy way. I have learned my lesson! 🙂
Thanks, as always, for bringing up a great point!
Love it!! Way to go, lady!!!
Thanks Rosie! I didn’t know about a lot of these things. You’re the best!!
Yes! You will be able to take care of him the next time too – like Steph said. When Sam fell backwards on a corner our coffee table (a couple of months after we decided at age three it was safe to bring it back in!) I heard him scream a scream I had never heard before. I looked around for “mom” and realized, “OMG, I AM MOM!” But somehow I handled it perfectly! Guardian angel or adrenaline…it doesn’t matter…you will too. 🙂 I hope none of us have to prove this theory for a LOOONG time though!
Love my earrings! I stole this for my FB profile pic – I hope that’s OK!
CONGRATULATIONS ROSIE! These are wonderful blurbs! You should be so proud! 😀
wow!
Congrats on your blurbs! Please, please make it down to Atlanta! I would love to come out to hear your read.
I just love these pics, even though there are only a few…but still captures the fun he had! Get a cheaper camera and you won’t care if it’s dropped or wet!
Muah! Ohhh-BF is freaked by birds too? Aye….that man! Cracks me up!
Love the pix.. tip.. next time keep ur cam wrapped up and warm when ur inside this way it wont fog up when u take it outside.. it worked for us the last time i went to the beach.. OR buy a few disposable cameras.. they make waterproof 😀
BF.. Birds?? Really??..lmao 😉
Good topic, tough topic. I’ve been a mom for 3 years now, and for me it’s gotten easier. I definitely struggled early on. REALLY struggled those first 6 months as a matter of fact. What I found that I’ve had to embrace (and this is not to say that it’s right for everyone) is that I’m NOT that person anymore. Just like going from high school to college, and then from college to a career, then single to married all changed me, so too does motherhood. My core values remain the same of course, but my interests, my responsibilities, my environment, and my time all change and evolve. They are all chapters of my life and each were valid and meaningful at the time, but in order to move the next chapter, I have to close the previous one. Fighting to hang on to the last chapter or to bring pieces of it with me is a battle in which I will never fully win. Do I miss those old chapters? Of course I do at times. But the lesson I’ve learned in looking back is that I need to fully embrace the current place I’m in. Imagine if I lived the college years holding on to high school. Or lived my married life while still hanging on to the freedom of singlehood? I would be unsatisfied at best, and never fully living for what currently is in all it’s different and new glory.
So yes, I do struggle at times with not being the person I once was, and even in some ways feeling incomplete because I feel like I sacrifice a little bit of my spirit for the life I have now. But at the same time, I know that life right now is so full and rich and it makes more sense for me (again, not saying this is true for everyone) to embrace my new identity, and dare I even say learn my new identity, than to go back and hold on to what once was. Learning the new me and the new identity and all that I can do with my new knowledge and experiences of motherhood is a fun challenge that satisfies that itch.
Don’t know if any of that even makes a bit of sense. For me it was totally a process. Not a flip of a switch (though that would have been nice!).
“Fake it until you feel it” the post adoption motto for those with challenging children….but it truly applies to many things when you are “blah” about somethign ro during something…doesn’t always mean you shoudl jump ship….a marriage for example, parenting a child full of trauma….or just pretending you had 5 MONSTER energy drinks to make it to when the kids crash at night….
Thanks for this inspiration. Tomorrow, I’m going to live as if I didn’t have anxiety. How freeing that will feel!
Thanks so much for the lovely review of THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE! I very much hope you enjoy AFTER YOU, and if you get a moment, please drop me a line and let me know what you think. Love your site by the way. Thanks again for the kind words!
Best,
Julie Buxbaum
I’m Down by Mishna Wolfe
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper
Medium Raw by Anthony Bourdain (he writes just like he talks so check out No Reservations on the travel channel before committing to the book. Some people think he puts on too much.)
I have never heard of “I do not come to you by chance” that sounds like a good read. Have you read “This is a soul: mission of rick hodes”…. http://www.jstandard.com/content/item/rick_hodes_jewish_doctor_in_ethiopia_hailed_in_new_book_film/13328
I’m with you! I have absolutely zero idea on how to correct Gav. The things that worked for Gigi (and she was a willful, temper tantrum throwing, independent toddler in her own right a couple years ago), have no impact on Gav. Nothing does. My little guy is a screecher/screamer. I don’t mind when he’s happy- I can deal with that, but when he wants something (he doesn’t display nearly the verbals that Happy does yet) or he can’t get something or he doesn’t get what he wants, or he gets corrected, or even thwarted, the boy SCREAMS! I’ve tried time outs, time ins, patiently looking him in the eyes and just waiting him out, and Boy can scream for up to an hour at full blood curdling scream before he falls asleep in exhuastion. Not sure what to do.
That was probably a bit more specific than you were asking, but yes, TO’s don’t work, and I haven’t found anything that does. Time? More verbals? I’m not so patiently waiting. 🙂
Ahh, Rosie. Girl. I always connect with you and your writing. Last year, I needed to search for the sunshine in my life as well. Nothing big or bad happened, I just struggled to find a way through the little storms brought on by parenting and work changes and not enough sleep and not enough solitude and too much of everything else. I’m still working on it. But, what I found was that the things that helped me through inspired me and gave my work new focus which amped up my passion and definitely the sunshine in my life. But I also found, it was the simple things, the things that I used to love that got skipped over when my daughter was born , that I needed to build back in. An early morning walk, an REO Speedwagon song — and other 80s hits :), a good book, hours uninterrupted in a bookstore, and time at the ocean that help me reconnect with the light I had inside. Remember, it’s in there, even if it is dim sometimes.
“Talking” to my girls everyday! And porch time…..reading a book I can’t put down, and laughing at silly things!!
Walking in grass, not on paths. Eating leisurely. Nap on the couch while watching an average movie. Ahhhhhhhhh.
What an invigorating way to start the week; love this!
This is awesome~!
Have you read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, or her accompanying blog? She has some thoughts on this and some ideas for systems that might inspire you further.
Isha, I have read The Happiness Project! And she was, indeed, a systems machine. I haven’t read her blog yet so I’ll need to go check that out. Thanks for the reminder! What I want is just a bit more daily zest– sort of the physical manifestation of the happiness I do have because I indeed feel happy. I just feel a bit zapped and want to feel less zapped, if that makes any sense at all!
Rosie! I just found my way to your website, and I am so awed by the work that you’re doing. Your impact is going to be so far-reaching, and I can’t wait to follow it… And selfishly, I can’t wait for your next book to come out in October. It sounds amazing!
I am soooo excited for this journey!!!!! I can’t wait for the book to come out, and I know what my friends are getting for XMAS!!!!!
Any chance you might have something scheduled in the Northeast?? 🙂
Sepia is a filter setting on most digital cameras. On my camera there is a settings dial at the top that leads you through several preferences including shooting photos in black and white and sepia.Try entering your camera brand, style number and “shooting photos in sepia tone” in google and the published how-to guide should pop up and lead you through the process for your particular brand and style.
Isha, I love that you are still my tech guru after so many years and from a distance. Thank you!
Rosie,
This is just another great accomplishment and I can’t wait to blog about it for you and to help you with your sales (no matter how insignificant) in whatever way I can from up here in the NE. I will also have a perfect gift for all my girls this holiday season- thanks to you. I love that cover pic too – may be the one I ‘borrow’ to blog about it!!! YAY!!!!!
Thanks, Suezette, for your support all along the way and for that holiday gifting! I so appreciate it (and we’ll have to work out my geting them signed for you- we’ll figure that out).
Elyssa, I woul d love to come to the Northeast. My touring is dictated by invitation so, hopefully, that will work out. THere is a possibility that I’ll go to Connecticut while I am in NY but I am thinking that might be too far south for you to make the trip. I’ll keep updating things here as I know more.
Marisol, oh, thank you. I’d love to have you plug it on your blog. I can totally send you the book jpeg when the time is right. I’ll be back in touch about that soon. Oh, and thank you for wanting to give the book as a holiday gift– we’ll have to work out my signing them! Maybe you can come to NY while I am there!
Sweet Mary! I was just thinking about you last week as I was going through the beautiful journal you gave me. Hope you are doing well and I am so happy to be reconnected. Thanks for your good wishes!
Rosie,
First – WOW. To see Happy in the twos and so so so so beautiful and glowing with joy made my and Gregg’s heart smile just so wide I couldn’t write it here.
I have to say his life and your relationship is what I deem to be one of your greatest accomplishments so just keep doing what you’re doing one day at a time. I heard that one thing that helps with separation anxiety is entering and exiting with very low attention/noise and to do so repeatedly.
As for the techy photo thing and Isha’s perfect suggestion another option to look up (when you’re looking up your camera brand and sepia) is an option called selective color- I’ve had fun with that too.
Also do you happen to have an Iphone? If you do I’ve been taking lots of old style photos (like the ones from Puerto Rico) with the app called Hipstamatic which takes pics in that dreamy style of the old plastic Holga cameras and I just love them. Hope you’re well and hope we get to chat again one day soon :))
Marisol, Thank you. He’s a delight. Even approaching two. Just not delightful 100% of the time right now but still mostly delightful. And thanks for the anxiety tip– we’ll try it for sure.
I am glad you are commenting about photos because your photos are some of the ones that have really inspired me of late. I don’t have an Iphone so, sadly, there is not Hipstamatic for me (and I loved those photos, sadness!) but I am adding selective color to the list of stuff I am looking up today on my camera! Love!
Hey, Happy has more teeth! Truly, I don’t stalk children looking at their teeth. 🙂 I just happened to notice a few posts ago that Happy and Gav have (had) the exact same 8 front and 4 molars, but now it seems Happy has a full upper set!
Ok, truly I probably didn’t need to leave that observation as a comment, but hey, maybe it made you smile. Or roll your eyes. 🙂
Gav and Happy have a little (a lot) different backgrounds in some ways. Gav turns 20 months in a couple days, and only in the past two months (mid-June to be precise) has he started to move past his extreme stranger anxiety. Then again, he only came home 7 months ago. In that regard, some of his developmental milestones are a little mixed up. We’ll see how he does in the next 4 months as he approaches 2.
Jennifer, Oh, that’s funny about the teeth– I totally smiled. Abe is getting his last couple teeth now– those bottom pre molars. They’ve been coming in since June it feels like. I think he’s really ready to be done with the mouth pain which I totally get.
It is hard to gauge milestones with the backgrounds we have– This is our very first experience with stranger anxiety— we had the oppostie for a long time- an “I will please you and make you love me approach” so it’s good that he’s secure enough to display a preference now but it’s so sad to see him breakdown in really common places that we’ve been going to for months and months. Keep me posted!
Oh I love this post! Ashley deploys again in Jan and I have a sewing machine on my Christmas “must have” list..I am determined to learn to sew while he is gone 🙂
Oh, Rosie, you have me in tears. What a truly beautiful story.
I have chills all over….you are such an amazing mother…what a lucky little boy Happy is…even though I know you feel that YOU are the lucky one!
Chris just walked into the room and said “Oh my gosh, is Nolan ok? Why are you crying?” This is my favorite story of how God works and if we are just open to it, everything happens the way it should…I miss that sweet boy- we can’t wait to see him soon!
Thank you and your family for sharing your stories with us! Seems like only yesterday when you made the announcement of your plans! Time really soars when you are having fun!!!!
Tears at my desk at work.
I love how well you truly convey the powerful emotions behind this “process” as it unfolded in your lives.
Rosie, I cant believe it has been 2 yrs, I feel like it was just yesterday you were telling me you were going to be a mother. I couldnt be happier for you and I cant think of anyone who could deserve it more. OXOXOX
Crying!
The Anderson Crew loves us some Baby A…I guess he will be “Little Man A” soon, huh?
So preciously written from a mother’s heart. What a gift you have been blessed with-to share his joy and his highs and lows….to be the arms that catch him when he falls and the hearts that love him unconditionally…to be his parents 🙂
Love to you all
I just wanted to say I simply love you and your family 🙂
I was looking for you on FB but I didn’t see you.
Both bits made me laugh! My first was a bit of a dive bomber, and I just had to remind myself that I was glad mine had a zest for life. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway. Bit 2 just made me crack up. It figures that’s the way it works!
lmao!! wal-mart greeter?? Nah sounds more like a WWE wrestler.. 😉
when Lyndsey was little she would say she wanted to be a housewife when grew up..lol
Rosie,
I didn’t realize that reading your bits was so much fun. You are such a great storyteller and a very talented writer I should add. It makes me very proud to call you family. Hope to meet Happy and BF soon. God Bless.
LOVE IT!!
Happy Birthday Abe
(yea i cant call him “baby face” anymore huh..lol Ill think of a new nickname soon)
Ro U did a great job on the video 😀
Precious! Abe and the video :o) Happy Birthday Abe! Can’t wait to see you and Mama. Great job Rosie! Love to all, ‘Aunt’ Linda
Feliz 2 trips around the Inka sun Abe!!!Majestic 2 anos!!! 2 gifts: uno from the mama who gave him life y dos from the mama who is giving him in every precious moment the ‘how to” really live it!!!!!Roarsome pics!!!Congrats to the light filled parents.xx
P.S. We are next on the Oz list for receiving a bebito from Colombia this Nov-Mar 2011 we are sitting by the phone ready for the call!!! 3 yrs has gone so fast…not!! ayy pacienca!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY! (Never said that before!!)
What ADORABLE pics. You guys have captured some priceless moments – your family will enjoy those forever!! And Happy is just so darn handsome. Love the song too!
Happy Birthday! Loved the montage. It was so neat to see him growing up. Very cute photos.
Happy Birthday to Happy! I love that we share the same birthday! Now I’ll always think of him (and the rest of your wonderful family) on the 26th. 🙂
That does sound like a very happy moment!
AWWWWWW.. great pix 😀
What a fab b-day celebration!!!!!
What a great party!! Love the cupcakes! You are so creative. Your sweetie is looking handsome as ever!
what a gorgeous collection of memories, Rosie! blessed, indeed, is this life!
Wow — our boys must have birthdays very close to each other — Oliver turns two on Sunday (the 12th). Looks like the plans for our “party” are very similar to what you all did. Looks like everyone had a great time!
I started thinking about the woman who lives in my house today and found I have a lot more empathy for her busy schedule than I do my own. It was a great lesson in cutting myself some slack and not being so self critical of what I could be doing. While she is still a little more organized and put together than me, we are a lot alike and most importantly I really like her.
I know for me, Rosie…one of those things that makes me ‘feel like this’ is spending time with you! Thank you, friend.
lol @ that face!! I wanna cover with kissies..
oooh so Ur one of those moms.. a bag for everything..luv it! meanwhile my cousin Amanda brings Luke for a visit with ONE extra pamper and a sippy cup..lmao
He is getting so big. I am so sorry we missed the birthday party…was a bad weekend. I will fill you in later. Hoping we can plan a time to get boys together soon. We will drive to you.
Love the quarter between the knees story and so appreciate this post. It is so important as women that we make sure our girls have information that empowers them and puts them in charge of their bodies. I really appreciate your comment that you don’t have to have all the answers to talk to your girls, but it is so important that we start the discussion. Oh, and nice outfit.
Some thoughts from babysitting:
-Coldcuts wrapped around cheese sticks
-Egg salad wrapped in a tortilla
-Ants on a log w/ nut butter and raisins
-babybell cheese chunked up with grape tomatoes and shell pasta
(eaten with fingers)
-lunch box cereal balls (also popular with teachers ;-))
Lunch Box Treats
Here you go:
Adapted from Nigella Express – Good Food, Fast – Nigella Lawson
Makes 25 treats
1/2 cup rice malt syrup
1/4 cup butter
2 oz milk chocolate
2 cups crispy rice cereal
1 cup cornflakes
1/2 cup quick-cooking oats
1/2 cup sesame seeds
1.Melt the syrup, butter, and chocolate gently in a heavy-bottomed saucepan.
2. Add all the other ingredients, turning to coat well.
3. Using your hands, shape the mixture into walnut sized balls. You should get about 25; you could also make this using a 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners to get 12 cupcakes.
4.Let them sit in a fridge for an hour or so, and they will keep quite happily in there for a week of treats.
The same woman is living in both of our houses!
You’ve reminded me that it’s time to embrace this woman and work to fulfill the visions I have for her life. I can’t adopt chickens or goats just yet but I can spend more time making art, less time stressing out and there is no time like the present to find the perfect pair of colorful rubber boots. I might even lace up a pair of sneakers and attempt to run. Know anyone who wants to join me?
Lola, Lola wants to join you. I will join you but I won’t want to- not because of you but because of the running and the fact that I am not yet the athletic embodiment of the woman who lives in my house. Let’s go find some fabulous rubber boots (mine are just fuddy duddy black)!
It used to drive me crazy that my mother could never find her glasses and that seemed like an old person thing to me… now I can never find my own.. I misplaced both prescription pairs for two months!! I even went to drug store and bought some readers to get me through the day.
Huge favor: I am a friend of Connie Wessner and I am helping with a writing practicum for eighth grade students. Would you call me or email me.. I would love your help with this project and Connie recommended you very highly! ph: 987-8625
Harry loves minicukes halved, hollowed out and filled with hummus. Also English muffins with laughing cow or cream cheese spread. Our pediatrician won’t allow nuts until 3, so poor Harry has no idea about nut butters(but it will rock his world someday!).
We will ‘follow you’ to any URL 🙂 We love ya!
yay yay yay yay yay! when can we all get a copy? it’s gorgeous, by the way!
Congratulations Rosie!! I am so proud of/for you. I can’t wait to buy my copy :o)
Wow – what a great opportunity to talk to Caitlyn Boyle! I love love love this!
this is absolutely beautiful, rosie. what a distinct honor to be let in on this story of yours. your richness of writing and thought never cease to amaze.
Love LOVE LOVE the trailer!!!!
Check you out with all your technology!
Hilarious! What great “bits” here, Rosie. And now you’ve got me pondering prayers…I think I feel another blog post coming on! Thanks for the inspiration.
Unbelievably powerful. Reading this, I find myself thinking of you as even more beautiful than I’d thought before, but I know that you’ve always been this beautiful…It’s just that now I have an even closer look at your heart. Thank you, thank you (more than I can say, really) for sharing such a deeply personal piece.
i’ll be there, mama molinary!
amen. amen. amen.
and yet still, sometimes don’t you just want to see what it would be like to be unbroken? just for a day. 🙂
I know that prayer SO well!!!
YES. I think Shirley Nelson also says it well in her book “The Last Year of the War” (I randomly had to read it for a religion class last year, and I am so glad I did, because it gave me this quote):
“Her future spread out along the straight street as sure as any day that had passed: sad, uncertain, changing, joyful, bungling, full of dirty laundry and mistaken impulses. Irresistible and perilous. It was a risk, all of it. Dark and light together. Loving, we tremble on the brink of disaster. But to pull back — that was extinction. It came like a warm wave, the wholeness of it. Warm and cold. Lion lamb. Two-sided truth.”
What a great quote, Claire. Thank you for sharing it!
Kate, absolutely. But I think wanting to peek at it keeps you hungry for it, moving towards the best possible version of yourself which is living with love and intention. I wonder if the wishing to see it isn’t a tease but a promise.
I’d love to be a GG. Louisville, KY needs your books!
This is a cool idea! I live in Charlotte, NC.
She doesn’t know it yet, but my niece in Savannah would love this so on her behalf I am asking that her name be put in the pot instead of mine seeing as I’m in England!! Her name is Mary Evelyn Gunn.
On another note – HI ROSIE!! I miss you and think of you so often(mostly when I am contemplating running and then don’t because I have no one to run with!). I love seeing you and hearing from you and keeping up with you in this way but sure miss you’re self! Lot’s of love, LA
LA, I think of you often, too, and most always at the same exact time– when I am debating whether or not to run. Running with you was the biggest treat ever. Oh, and horseback riding. I think of you whenever I am around horses. I am doing a retreat with them in November and was working on it this past weekend and thought “LA would LOVE this.” Sending you so much love! And I have your niece’s name down!
Isaiah and I over here in Raleigh would love to be a gifter!!!
I agree with you about how nice the shape of the book is. I just got my copy for blog review from your publicist. 🙂
I want to be a gifter! I know exactly who I’ll gift it to, Jamie’s niece. This past weekend, I was wearing my “Beauty” t-shirt and she asked me about it. I was telling her that you were a friend and an author. I told her I’d loan her my copy of Hijas and told her about Beautiful You as well. She said she’d love to read both. I know she’d love to receive it as a gift!
I always liked Natasha Bedingfield’s song Unwritten.
Eye of the Tiger and Chariots of Fire are running mix classics (though not particularly geared toward girl power).
Yes please! I’ll tell you today when I see you just in case you don’t get this in time. 🙂 I’m in Charlotte with you and can’t wait to read your book!!! I definitely think it needs to be passed on as much as possible!
not fixed ot broken but bending inbetween both states with the wind all the time, and happy for it.
“Miss Independent” by Christina Aguilera, “God is a DJ” by Pink, “If you think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart (always one of my favorite, fun workout songs), “Put your Records on” by Corrine Bailey Rae, “Glamorous” by Fergie, “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus, “Pocket Full of Sunshine” Natasha Bedingfield, “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles, “We Live” by Superchick (REALLY good!!)
Okay, that’s all I have for now..I’ll keep brainstorming. 🙂
Yeah I am so excited!
You are still as amazing as ever. I am so proud of you and Julie. I wish you and the family all the success the world has to offer. I need to get a copy of each of your books- for me and my girls. I love and miss you. Keep reaching for the stars, for you are truly one of them. Love, Nita
Thanks for all you do to make this a better world in whcih to live and teach.
Thanks, Rosie! I’m glad you got to see what I wrote – the blogosphere is a beautiful thing.
Anyway, I was thinking about it today, and I realized that these lists are really about never letting a year go by unnoticed. Every year is really a chance to become even more amazing! That’s also a beautiful thing.
I haven’t written my list yet, but running a marathon is going to be number one. It will definitely be followed by “get a massage.”
Running the Rock N Roll Half Marathon on November 5, 2011! That will be on my birthday list this coming February 8th.
I want to finish the floor in my bathroom.. Lived in this house for 2 yrs now and the corners arent done! Oh and I want to see a UFC Fight in person. 😀
i want to finish my basement
My birthday was in may and the list included – bless and release the people, things and areas in your life that no longer serve you in being the person you were meant to be.
Before March 2011 I would like lose the 10 pounds I’ve gained in the last year.
Rosie, I’m so glad I discovered your blog today as I’m hosting a 60th birthday celebration today and I’m going to share this with all those present!
I’d like to have started my online workshops and videos by my next birthday (my 51st!)
Apply to a Master’s Degree program.
I want to skydive!
Learn how to sew!
Honestly…I would probably go around asking people if they’d lost it, and then if the owner didn’t turn up, I’d donate it to a nonprofit. Couldn’t keep it because it would burn a hole in my pocket, and at least that way I’d know it went to a good cause! 🙂
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
Rosie Molinary
To understand that a body, just like a personality, is like a fingerprint: a wonderful embodiment of my uniqueness.
Brenda Pavlov
To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
HEART YOU ROSIE!!!!!
LOVE this,LOVE you and ALL you are doing, sister-
donna scott
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
Amen, amen, amen.
Kate Morris
Thank you, Rosie, for sharing this intensely personal and beautiful story.
To remember my body is a temple, I and only I can take care of it, respect my body and accept and love my body the way it is.
‘To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.’
YES, YES, YES- I can’t tell you how all encompassing and powerful this statement is (though I’m sure you already know) but as a survivor …especially for women or young women encapsulated in unhealthy domestic situations in which the cycle of violence and abuse is perpetuated by an external definition of worth…self-worth.
To stand up for myself- gently only because it will be responsible, accountable n professional – but get this I will never stay silent anymore ever- I will stand up for myself.
‘To see potential’ always – Rosie these words you have crafted are some of the most beautiful intentions set out into the universe I have ever seen – my dream is to see these words carry more and more of us through internal and external adversity. Let me add my own line to the pledge- to be an active ally to support sisters in this life like you in any way I can, with whatever tools I have at my disposal. If we all live like you say in a state of mentor and mentee imagine, just imagine, the traction we could gain. If affect just one young woman enduring one single incident of sexual or physical abuse to voice for help instead of maintaining torturous silence than we are warriors that have already won.
They ALL resonated with me but this one will be the biggest struggle: To understand that my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.
Because I tend to put my job and others before myself:
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers, Rosie. Que su papa se mejore pronto. I remember seeing that beautiful wedding photo when you first fundraised through TNT in honor of your dad. Sending you both love and strength and a quick recovery.
Rosie, you probably don’t remember me; I am Laura Caputo’s aunt and I met you when I taught part time one year at EL Wright.
I just had to write and tell you how beautiful this tribute to your father is and how much it touches me. I had the same closeness with my father, whom I lost on December 10, 1982. Your thoughts made me both cry and smile. Looking into your father’s face, it is so apparent what a special man he is. You, he and indeed, all of your family will be in my heart and prayers. God bless you.
My body holds all the wisdom and guidance I need. I just need to make myself available to listen to it!
Great work. I resonate deeply with your message. I will post on my site lolosboudoir.com.
Thanks.
Lone
I love my beautiful heart
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
I think my husband would be really happy if I did the above. That way I wouldn’t hint for so many compliments. 🙂
Thanks, Rosie!
Jenny
To thank God everyday for my many blessings such, as the loose skin on my tummy -it reminds me that I was able to have a healthy pregnancy; the stretch marks on my bottom (that I have had since I was 16 ) b/c I do not lack food and nutrition AND sugary treats; wrinkles around my eyes and mouth, b/c I laugh and smile, a lot, and have been blessed living in sunny SC; and my rapidly beating heart when I exercise and run around with my son- it reminds me, I LOVE MY LIFE!
Thanks, Rosie!
I need remedial help, because I can’t get past the first line: “Because I understand that my love and respect for my body are metaphors of my love and respect for my self and soul”. My body has never been connected to my soul, except when it produced two of my daughters. But that’s not about me, technically, is it? It’s about my love for them and being happy to do anything for them. I think I have gone through life basically hating that I had a body at all, and now that it is falling apart with arthritis, I like the “physicalness” of life even less. The last time I remember being happy having a body as part of me was when I was 8. Boy, that’s depressing, even for a Tuesday morning…
Maybe I should write this in lipstick across my bathroom mirror…worth reading to every girlfriend, mom, daughter, sister and every other woman I know. I am sharing this with my college students today in hopes that as they continue to mature and grow they will recognize their beauty and appreciate the goodness within every body. As for the young men (or any other man for that matter), I hope this encourages them to support the women in their lives with positive words and actions.
Love it!!
“To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.”
There are so many things that I haven’t done because I’m worried about the judgment of others – especially activities that involve bathing suits.
Margaret Love
To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
I think you wrote this one just for me..thanks for that I needed it and thank you for all that you do for others 🙂
Melanie May
To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
Michelle McCormick
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity. I would like to add that my body has also given me the greatest gift on earth; my beautiful daughter!
Maria
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
Hmm…letting go of what doesn’t nurture my body (processed,bad food, not enough sleep) is going to be the hardest for me. But it seems like living up to this will actually mean a lot for the other promises, too.
OMG I LOVE this video!!
My girls LOVE this video…. LOVE it!
I love my eyes….
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my self worth!!
I’m sooo glad you saw this, Ro! I meant to tell you about and it totally slipt my mind!!
I love my hands!
i love my HIPS!
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
Thank you!
you know my heart and prayers are with you! your words always touch me deep in my own soul! speedy healing – and know that your family’s love is like none other.
I, too am going to need that book Rosie!! Oh the joys of parenting our little Ethiopian boys!!
I am glad that things are getting better with you dad!!
I’m so glad your Dad is doing better!
Ah, strong-willed children. They can be tough, but their beauty lies in their deeply loving, passionate little soul.
I Love Halloween!! (its like Xmas for me) Ill Be scary Old man.. I think Ill give My ugly witch a rest this yr.. “My Boy” Luke is going as BOOTS and his mom Amanda is gonna be Dora..
Oh I cant wait to see that song/dance Video.. 😀 and Im crackin up about the Mom thing.
Im sending my Prayers to You and Ur family.. Stay Strong My Friend.
I’m going though something very similar with both of my parents. A few days ago my dad said “Well, the one good thing about this is that I get to see you girls a lot now” (referring to me and my sister). Those words made me cry. God’s blessings to you and your family.
Harry wants to be the one character on Yo Gabba Gabba! (yes, I let him watch some tv) that they DON’T sell a costume for–Toodee. I like the fact that he wants to be a blue dragon cat that I think is a girl. Not many years until he won’t feel free enough to just be what he wants. So between Etsy, Ebay, and my (lack of) sewing skills, he’ll be Toodee!
Amen Sister! You are in my thoughts and may your path meet the world’s deep hunger.
*tear* I knew I shouldnt have read this one.. Its beautiful Ro
I believe!
I do not know your papito, but the picture you weave brings tears to my eyes. Still sending prayers your families way. Hoping all continues to go well and he walks out of there soon.
Breathtaking. For all our papitos.
this is radiant. what a lucky woman you are to have him as your teacher, your guide, your papito. sending you and your sweet family prayers, rosie.
Happy Halloween! I loved that last picture. We weren’t very original, but Gigi desperately wanted to be Buzz so it only made sense that Gav was Woody. They were pretty cute, and had lots of fun. As for the candy, I went for the Nerds. 🙂
Rosie, this is absolutely beautiful. I enjoyed very much reading about your papito.
He is sooo cute! (we dont do Halloween, but we do enjoy the candy!) Love the fireman outfit!
Oh My God. Hes KAY-UTE! Great smile.. Love it
Hween was fun.. made a few ppl cry 😀 yes some were kids but when the parents tell me to scare them I had to do it ;-).. We saw vamps, witches, ninjas, Army/Police/fire men and every fairy princess U can think of.. But My faves had to be the Mario Bro. from the video games and the Minnie Mouse.
I Gave Away a mix of candy.. reeses-gum-sweettats-lolipops-and my fave now-&-Laters.
I was only 17 when my mom and her nurse friends set me up with this guy that worked with them. It was Thanksgiving day, and he took me out to this very nice restaurant. All he did all night was talk about how wonderful and rich he was, and how I should go to the beach with him (he even called my mom to beg her!!), but then asked if I had a gay friend for his “cousin”… I knew better, and found out after this whole ordeal that he was gay, and just looking for a partner.
Oh, Rosie, that’s NOTHING! One of my clients when I was practicing law in Charleston wanted to set me up with a guy from the Yacht Club. Back in my more material days, this sounded great. I knew he was divorced with kids, but that didn’t bother me. He shows up at my door on a summer Friday night, Volvo station wagon in my drive and a gin and tonic in his hand, because he was in a rush and didn’t have time to drink it at home. Which turned out to be his mother’s house. He took me to Sonic and raved about the fact that the bill came to a perfect $11.11. He then proceeded to explain that he didn’t have a job because he used to work for his father-in-law and when the marriage ended, so did the job (this was 2001, so not like jobs were as scarce like now). He was going to get his real estate license, but sailing season started, so he figured that he would just start in the fall. After complaining about his ex-wife and her new husband (so he had clearly been jobless long before sailing season started), he drove me by the house that they had lived in, just so I could see it. We ended the date then.
I didn’t go out with him again.
my worst date wasnt evrn my date it was my dad. I was 17 and dating a coworker. This guy was so sweet, responsible, but older than me. So he invited me to a halloween party at a mutual friends house. Coming from a mexican family I had to ask for permission to date adn my date had to come in and meet the family even thought it was our first date and they knew we worked together. anywho we did all that and then when we were getting ready to leave my house for the party my DAD says “okay so do you want me to follow you or go in the car with u?” Omg I about died, my date Jack was shocked he said “How bout u follow us” So my dad and parked in front of the house we were at. Jack was so cool about it. We still about talk about it!
Love all the random bits! He is so precious! and YEA YEA YEA for sleep! What a gift!
I decided to go ahead & post this story here since Yvette is just DYING to hear about it!
A coworker/friend mentioned that a new coworker (a lineman) wanted to take me out on a date. I had only talked with this guy a few times, but I thought he was good looking so I told him that I’d go out with him. The friend said he would join us with his girlfriend to make things less akward.
The next night we meet up for our date at a local bar. First bad moment of the night was that my friend & his date didn’t show up. When I walked into the bar, I didn’t recognize my date at first because he was dressed like a thug. I had only seen him in his work uniform, so I didn’t know how he dressed outside of work. He was wearing baggy jeans, a black t-shirt with a long gold chain & what I call “gangster” Nike tennis shoes.
Huge turnoff!! But, I knew I couldn’t just turn around & walk out, so I decided to make the best of it. We had a few drinks & he seemed ok. But then he kept drinking! Shot after shot of tequila! I could tell he was getting a little tipsy, so I suggested we go to dinner.
As we were walking across the street to the restaurant, he tells me that he likes my long blonde hair. Before I could even say “thank you” he says, “Does the carpet match the drapes?” WTH?? Did he really just say that??? I politely told him that it was “none of his business” and also told him that if he made another remark like that, I was going to leave.
We get to the restaurent & order steak & lobster. While we were waiting for our dinner, he tells me, “I think we should just skip dinner & go to my place.” When I asked him why, he replied, “So I can see you naked.” I was done! I walked out & left him sitting there.
As soon as I left, I called my friend who bailed on us & chewed him out! Because he is a man, he found the whole thing to be hilarious. I was fuming!
The next morning when I get to work, a waitress from the restaurant calls me. She said that my date didn’t have any money to pay the bill for our dinner. He gave her my name & told her to call me because I had said I would pay for it. I was beyond mad now! I told her to send me the bill and I would take care of it.
Our company has a charge account with this restaurant. Our employees are allowed to charge meals there & then have the charges taken out of their paychecks. When I got the bill, I took it to my boss & told her what this guy had done to me a few days before. She charged the entire meal to the loser’s paycheck!
It was the worst date ever, but I got the last laugh!
lol Thank You Maria!! 😀 Lulu Ur dad was awesome.. totally something my mom would have done
Mine **sigh** The One and only blind date if ever been on.. A Friend set me up with her co-worked bc I said I wouldnt go out with her and her BF alone anymore.. it was startin to feel like a 3some..lmao So I get a date.. We are the restuarant All chatting when I asked..
Me: so what Do U when U arent working?
Date: well when My kids mothers let me have them, we hang out at my moms house so she can help me with them
Me: (looking back at my plate rolling my eyes bc I wasnt gonna get into that BS!) Umm ok, and when U dont get ur kids?
Date: I hang out with my homies at the park
Me: (thinking WTF? bc said park was a drug and gang hang out!!) what I said was.. Umm ok
We had a few drinks at the bar bc I was not going anywhere else with Mr Homie.. on the ride home we at the stop light JUST be4 U get the entrance to my apt complex (U CAN SEE The APT!!) and I think to myself THANK GOD when what happens.. Whoop-whoop **FLASHING RED LIGHTS!** and i hear next to me “f*** I have a warrant”.. It turned out my friends tail light was out and he just let us go but Homie was sweating!! They drive me to my building and I tell them DONT even park just drop me off here! It wasnt even midnight..
That is so precioso!!! Sweet dreams and butterfly kisses to you all!
Look at him growing up!! Ugh! He is a little man now! I love that you call him “happy” such a sweet baby. Love you all!
in first grade i insisted upon being referred to as “katharine,” which is my given name. all of a sudden, my mom likes to recount, i transformed from relatively-type-a-little-girl to huge-obsessive-compulsive-know-it-all-brat. i wore my hair in a french braid everyday. it makes me laugh to think about. i am so not a katharine!
Wow! Those are some really awesome things to experience/do/try! I have a “deployment” list…I want to teach myself to sew and then make dresses for: littledressesforafrica.org, get to a healthy weight in a healthy manner, fully organize my ‘homeschool’supplies and create a new “daily schedule/weekly rewards chart” for each child, fins the rough draft of my ‘book’ and give it to at least 2 friends to edit/give feedback…
I am also actively trying to weed through and live with/on less as a gift to myself, my family, my global neighbors, and the earth too!
Apparently I have been on a short story kick this year. I really liked The Thing Around Your Neck by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (her first book, Purple Hibiscus, is also great) and Both Ways Is the Only Way I Want It by Maile Meloy. Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri is also fantastic.
Rosie- I want to try acupuncture too. My friends from Greenville go once a month to Charlotte. Apparently the best in the southeast. We could go together!! I thought I would come for a weekend of fun and get acupuncture too. I’m so curious as well.
Im Gonna start yelling “I DID IT!” too.. it sounds fun! Im hanging up the Xmas lights on the house 2morrow and after each string Im yelling it at the top of my lungs.. and add a lil clap for myself and maybe a small hop ;-D
Thanksgiving is my favorite! We’re making good ol’ apple pie and…get this…pumpkin gingersnap tiramisu! http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/pumpkin-gingersnap-tiramisu hope it turns out as awesome as it looks! wishing you the happiest holiday – i’m so thankful to be friends with you!! all the best, katy
No Stamps?? lmao Thats Brilliant!! (i love that U send thank you cards.. I can count on one hand how many ppl I know who do that)
Cupcakes Look Awesome.. (Glad to see I helped a little) ;-D
SO happy I bumped into this website! Your books sound awesome, and I love your writing.
Will definitely continue to visit around here…
Thankyou Rosie priceless details!! Is co-sleeping an option the specialist encourages? What an opportunity to learn from your experiences.xRosa Mama Bear in waiting
Rosa, co-sleeping is absolutely an option that is okay and may even be needed by some kids, especially older kids. We tried it with our babe but it just made him more awake and alert- he wanted to play rather than sleep but I think he might be the exception there. Find out as much as you can about your baby’s sleep conditions beforehand and try to replicate those within reason (sharing beds, level of noise (we use a cd of the ocean in Happy’s room when he sleeps), lightness/darkness, time), etc. I was really shy about asking the nannies about Happy’s sleep situation and won’t be if we adopt again. So excited for you! Keep me posted!
– Remember always that you are making a difference in someone’s life even if you don’t know that you are.
Beautiful post, Rosie. Thanks for sharing.
ok I love that Happy and Uh-oh are more than just cousins but friends too.. My cousins were my 1st best friends.. we have a shorthand now that must make ppl think we share a brain..lol 😉
For the love of all that is holy can we get a nanny cam in that room at nap time.. plzzzzz!!!! 😀
Thinking of you and your Papito, Rosie…sending prayers your way for his speedy recovery!
Oh Rosie, this made me laugh so much! I suppose we all have days like this, but I applaud your ability to laugh and blog about it. I’m sure the story was well read and went over beautifully though. 🙂
Cool post it is definitely. We have been searching for this tips.
What a great picture of Happy. He is getting so big. I am sorry it has been such a crazy time of year for you. Decemeber always seems to be that way. I have today and tomorrow left of teaching which leaves not a lot of time to get all that good Christmas stuff done. Hoping we can plan a time soon to get our boys together!
I love that little face. He is so beautiful. Hope you all have a blessed and wonderful Christmas
Good topic!
Oh, so many large and small adjustments to make! I am facing down the double-barrel of major external change – moving away from England and the transition that will bring; moving (possibly) to Michigan, to a very depressed area and into the house my husband grew up in, with its forty years of ghosts; and working on starting a family (with health issues to tackle first, including minor-ish surgery). AND the transition of my husband into either reserves or retirement, and us both (maybe) into graduate school! Whew!
So I think the most important adjustment I can make in all of this is to learn to roll with the punches a little better, and as part of that learning process to maybe look into treatment for anxiety and change-related depression. You know – because there’s so much happening at once, and the biggest “small” adjustment I can make is to acknowledge that I can’t do it on my own.
I love “My People” .. so sweat 🙂
**question**
Why didnt You just take the stroller with you?
Even if he didnt get in on the way there, there is always the “ya never know” with kids 😉
Remind me to tell you all about my tricycle story next time we get into a txt-a-thon You’ll understand why I know all about the “ya never know”..lmao
Happy 2nd Birthday to Your family My Friend 😀
I’ve thought about this so much recently so I appreciated your post. My word….balance. A balance between my desires and those of my children, mother vs. all other things, spend vs. save, you name it, I need balance in it. So excited to work hard on this! Happy New Year!
Teacher.
To inspire and fill four little people with a passion for life, their God given talents, and a concern for the world around them.
(It’s been awhile Rosie! Fun to check in with you tonight, and catch up. Loaded question, but as a stay home, homeschooling mom, the answer was quick on my fingers 😉
I lean towards vulnerable in the sense of breaking down walls I have put up, or defenses of our children that have allowed them once to survive but now stop them from thriving. Trying new things that I might not be able to even do. Letting down emotional guards…
However, vulnerable has a negative spin or something to me?! That I can’t quite settle one….so my word….
is…
DEEPER
I want to dig deeper, love deeper, bust my gut deep within trying new things, give with deeper pockets, get deeper to the heart and soul of my children, my spouse, myself, my friends…
yea…deeper… is settle in-just right.
Patience…it’s something I struggle with everyday. When I lose what little patience I have, I tend to snap. So, it’s a neverending, unpleasant circle for me.
I love your blog. I found it while looking at Ron Doyle’s work. Keep up the good work and I plan to send you a photo of my visioning board.
Hello, Rosie!
My niece, Laura Caputo, has been keeping me abreast of your activiities; I am so proud of you and want to support your Circle of Luz organization. Do you ever do any sort of auction fundraiser? I do bead weaving jewelry making and would be happy to donate if you decide to do an auction. Also, if you would ever like for me to come work with your young women in learning the art of beading and jewelry making I would be honored to do that also. Just let me know!
Thanks for sharing these! You always have wonderful recommendations. I read a few Tropper books on our vacation this summer (I finished all the “real” books I brought and found him in the ipad book store) Fun reads for sure! Just this weekend I gave someone my copy of Columbine. It is such a fascinating look at a moment in history. My favorite (most recent) of the moment is Steve Martin’s An Object of Beauty, set in the New York art scene. Great book, very engaging. Keep the recommendations coming!!
Hi – just stumbled upon your post. What a great idea, I love it. I hope you’ve managed to cross off that first item already and good luck with the next 35.
You’ve made me wonder what would be on my own list. Hmm, food for thought!
I definitely have not been doing a very good job of savoring lately. Not because I don’t want to, but because I’ve been going through a REALLY rough time the past two months, and even on the “good” days, it’s hard for me to not focus when the next bad thing is coming. This is a good reminder to try to stop being so wary of what comes next, or even negatively anticipating it, but to TRY and set it aside to savor the good things. I heard song lyrics yesterday that really resonated.
“Turn the quiet up, turn the noise down
Let this ol’ world just spin around
I wanna feel it sway, wanna feel it sway
And put some feel good in my soul
Act like tomorrow’s ten years away”
Jennifer, I completely understand– I was there a lot for October and November with my dad’s health situation being so dire (and other things because life piles on like that) and then in December, just as I tried to lift my head up, dad was back in ICU. You get a little shell-shocked when you are in the midst of it. The key is to try, to allow yourself even a small savor of a piece of chocolate or a sweet moment, in hopes that they begin to add up. Those lyrics are a perfect reminder. Thank you!
Any possibility that this book will be published in Spanish? Thank you.
Peggy Sisselman
Poughkeepsie Public Library District
Poughkeepsie NY 12601
Peggy, Thanks so muich for your interest. I would love for it to be published in Spanish (my mom hasn’t read it yet because it’s not in Spanish) but my publisher doesn’t do Spanish language publication. I would definitely say yes if a Spanish-language publisher approached, but there’s nothing currently in the works. I’ll announce it here if anything happens!
Rosie, thank you so much for participating in the series.
I’m seriously in love with your post! 🙂
First off, I wish I could’ve taken your class. It sounds amazing! I’d love to explore creativity every day, through reading others’ take on it and creating on my own.
The quotes you featured are also so powerful and inspiring.
I love how you write that our soul can be expressed in a variety of things, and this self-expression helps us better understand ourselves, and our purpose. And like you said in your wonderful interview, purpose and passion are key to a positive body image and, no doubt, a meaningful life.
Again, such a beautiful post!
It makes me smile to see Brian Andreas prints on your wall! I still remember seeing them whenever I came in to your office. Funny the things that stick with you, isn’t it?
I LOVE YOUR BOOK! It is my best companion!!
Wow– thanks so much, Mei Lee! I am so happy that you are enjoying it.
Passion
I am struggling between Action and Balance. Maybe I need to look up definitions to see which one works 🙂 Love your posts and your inspiration
LMAO!! Good Lord Woman just have a coke.. If U want to cut back, then buy those mini cans.. Clearly cold turkey isnt working 😉
Balance with a capital “B” 🙂
I can so relate to this! Discipline is one of my biggest challenges. But I am re-evaluating my systems and becoming more organized so I can better manage my time. And like you, have to be more forgiving with myself (don’t have to be productive every second my son is at preschool) because if I don’t take care of myself then I will not be as good of a wife or mother.
If you haven’t already, check out Carolina Chocolate Drops for yourself and for Happy ( I think BF will like it too). When you can’t go to the music, it will be nice to have at home or in the car. Their latest album is called Genuine Negro Jig, but all their stuff is good and will give you that spiritual/NC/southern/uplifting/soulful feeling.
Rosie,
Congratulations! Your son is quite beautiful and I felt each of your words deeply. On November 20, 2009 at 4:09 p.m. I saw & held my baby boy for the first time. Life has not been the same since. I call him my pudding baby – takes longer to make home-made pudding than it took for me to become a mom! Phone call at 12:30 p.m. – baby home at 6:30 p.m.
Wishing you and your family nothing but joy! joy! joy! We create our families through love.
Francesca
*SNIFF!!* That smile! His little hand reaching to yours! Makes me all squishy inside! Congratulations and joy to you!
Oh Rosie, I so wish I could take your course! As a high school teacher I spend at least as much time encouraging my students to actually explore the magical process of creation, as I do showing them the techniques & tools involved. The truth that it is *all* creativity is hidden under the false idea that one must be an “Artist” (with a capital A) or not at all. Stopping by as a fellow participant in the self-discovery series at Weightless.
Rosie, I really liked this post, and the beautiful quotes you choose. I think “I am my own sketchbook” is one that’ll stick with me – thinking about how sketches are unfinished works in progress – as are we all, but no less creative for all of that. Thanks!
How is he that big?! Wow! Such a cutie!
Hi Rosie,
How beautiful! My entire life philosophy centres around awareness. You’ve shown how important awareness and creativity are to our selves.
Thank you for you inspiration and stunning voice.
Cheers!
Janet
Love you all
Don’t worry Rosie! You’re not alone! Last week I took a very important package which had already been paid for to the post office and dropped it off on the counter with another package that I posted at the machine. Later that week I realized that the package hadn’t been paid for by USPS but by UPS. So now my VIP is slowing making it’s way back to me (hopefully)!
LAUGHED to see this envelope….def not the first time I have seen this :/
His joy leaps through the picture! Love him and you all!
YAY!! Giving “Big Guy” a piggy-back ride.. I love this pic 😀
This still makes me laugh 😀 Love it!
Oh! I heard she was writing a book, thank you for passing the info along, how exciting! and what a great picture!!
I am behind in seeing this…but just had this (email) conversation with hubby even though he is in Afghanistan….the freedom to homeschool all 5 can also get in the way of the freedom to homeschool all 5 🙂 and lots of other areas too 🙂
I sooo get this post! I totally do!
I soooooo resonate with this one. “I woke up and checked in with my stomach.” Seriously, are you reading my mind? That’s the first thing I do every morning. Not because I WANT to- heavens no. I yearn for the day when my first thought of the new day is to not check in with my stomach. In fact, I can’t wait until it’s not my second, third or fiftieth- or never enters at all. And Yoga. And oh, if I weren’t such a fair weather walker/runner living in the frozen Northeast… And a horrible dream that showed me clearly what was going on in real life. Yes, I’m pretty sure you tapped into my brain while writing this post. 🙂 Thanks for letting me know someone else is there in the trench too.
So sorry to hear that you are going through the pit in the stomach period, too, Jennifer. I am definitely in the trenches with you there. Hopefully, things will right themselves for both of us soon, and we don’t have to do the hourly (minutely?) gut check. Sending you love!
Sorry that things are so hectic right now. You are in my thoughts. Hoping it all calms down for you soon.
DONE! 😀
So relate to this one. And I love this line “Because, sometimes, we just need to silence everything, and finding a tool that helps you do that is a gift.”
I think too often we think in terms of a right way or wrong way to do things or to manage challenges. We think others got it right and somehow we’re off that it doesn’t always flow or come easy. I think it’s more important (as you demonstrated with your post) to recognize when you’re in the challenge, notice it and then find a tool (preferably not something destructive) to help us move through it. We can’t avoid these moments, nor do we want to because there is a lot of life in them, but finding the way to move with them — to know when it’s time to call your sister or go to pilates, or lace up the running shoes — is really about resilience and everyday courage. Thanks for reminding me of all that. Hang in there.
I love this. How many times have we had/I started arguments that “aren’t about the cupcake?” Too many, to be sure. I hope you got some good HT sugar this V-Day, friend.
Interesting idea. I’m considering it, but must admit I’m afraid to go to work without makeup. I’ll see if I can be brave enough.
How fun that you are considering it, Jenny. You can totally do it. Can’t wait to hear what you decide.
I have always held to the philosophy that it is better that people be accustomed to a person au natural and then when they see them with perfect hair and face say, gosh you look great, than be accustomed to one looking perfect and then when they per chance see them without hair and makeup say, you look like crap, you sick? LOL
Rarely wear makeup or hair products (I do dye it 3 or 4 times a year). But, must admit, when I do feel a little low, a little make-up and styling is a wonderful pick-me-up. Note, I am not a professional so I do not need to present an image of anything other than me each day and consider myself fortunate!
Mary, love that philopsophy- especially in light of the “are you sick comments?” Make-up can be a fun pick-me-up, I agree; I just worry about it being a crutch for everything. Some people are really paralyzed at the thought of being seen at any time without enhancements.
I’m in! I’ve been wanting to challenge myself to go a week all-natural; I’m not ready yet but this will be a good challenge to get myself started.
Wow what a powerful profound beautiful inspiring yearning heartscape!!!Thankyou Rosie!!xxRosa
Here’s 2 adoption quotes that i have kept
It is a colorfull litany that winds toward me from the horizon like a road across a dry rocky desert…And the road ends in my arms at my own oasis -our baby son.
…………A grafted tree. Magnificent to behold……………..
…………..One of a kind Contrary to nature………………..
…………Luxuriant leaves and intricate roots………………
…..Loaded with horticultural challenges to a gardener………..
…but ultimately yielding a tree with unparalleled beauty……..
………The adopted child. Magnificent to behold……………..
…………………One of a kind…………………………..
…….Biological features often contrary to yours…………….
……..Intricate roots that need to be healed………………..
Loaded with behavioural challenges for parents
but ultimately yielding a life with unparalleled beauty.
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
by Sherrie Eldridge
Love it, Rosa. Ultimately yielding a life with unparalleled beauty, indeed. Sending you love from across the way (and a push towards that oasis).
I bet he would love to play baseball or catch! OUTSIDE! Really wear him out too, when you throw the ball , he will get it, most competitive strong boys start out like this! He needs sports:)
Brenda, you are so right– we play ball outside all of the time. There were 2 hours of ball today, in fact. And we’re drilling into his head that throwing is for outside- not inside- and for balls not metal cars, etc. Some days he gets it better than others but things are certainly better now (less indoor, close quarters throwing of inappropriate items) than they were in December (thank goodness!).
Hey Rosie-
I commented on FB when this was brought up. I’m most excited to see what happens. Natural day for me just means no mascara or perfume. I think I can do that. I’ve often wished I were more “girly” and thereby knew how to apply make-up, but alas, I’m terrible at it and too lazy to practice. LOL
Are we posting our natural Friday pics to FB or emailing them to you or something else?
Hugs, as always!
I love this idea. Had to go through a bit of this by force after I acquired an eye infection. Like letting go of coffee, it took about a week for me to quit being edgy when I looked in the mirror sans eye makeup. Now, going without hair mousse is another thing! Flat, fly-away hair is going to be a tough pill to swallow. Cheers, Rosie! Keep up the good, conscious-awakening work.
How did it go???
Thanks for the food for thought! And now I really must go rent that movie.
I would do over so much.
I would have broken up with him MUCH (years!) sooner and saved both of us a lot of heartache.
I would have gone abroad and not let fear of not being able to afford it dictate my life (although I’ve since learned that the impact to my family of just going to Davidson was far greater than I was aware of at the time).
I would never have started smoking. It’s been years, and while I don’t smoke anymore, I will probably never be truly smoke-free. Wanting a cigarette still haunts me; in stressful times, I still dream of them.
I would have said no.
I would have said yes.
That said, I’ve done a lot that was right and taken some risks that turned out to be the right decisions (despite raised eyebrows at the time. See also: selling my house, quitting my good job, loading up three cats in a Toyota Corolla towing the remaining bits of my worldly possessions and following a man I’d known for 4 months to live in Anchorage, Alaska).
I love these do overs, Margaret, and also the shout out to the risks you took that were totally the right decisions. I, too, found out later that my going to Davidson was a lot more of a sacrifice for my family than I ever realized at the time. Thanks for sharing!
My biggest surprise was how not-self-conscious I felt–self-consciousness is pretty much my biggest vulnerability, and I’ve always considered makeup as a sort of crutch to help with that. So I was expecting to feel exposed–naked, in a way. Much to my surprise, I didn’t actually feel all that different. Yet instead of making me feel like, “Oh, I don’t need to wear makeup” it was more that I feel better about the reasons why I do. Very interesting experience–thank you for the prompt!
I wrote in more depth about it here if you’re interested:
http://www.the-beheld.com/2011/02/debriefing-day-without-makeup.html
I got up the courage to go all natural and found that once I left the house I didn’t really think about it at all. My husband commented that I looked tired, which is of course my natural state. And my daughter thought I didn’t look different at all. Maybe I’ll try it more often!
Makes me think of the saying: “don’t worry what other people think about you – truth is, they don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do!”
I was sick, so I think the lack of make-up looked more pronounced than usual (although I don’t wear that much to begin with). I’ve gone without make-up enough that it didn’t make me feel terribly self-conscious. If anything, I was running late in the morning so the excuse of all natural day was even more appealing 🙂
Also, just saw this blog post from a fashion blog I read and thought you might find it interesting: http://www.alreadypretty.com/2011/03/change-your-style-change-your-life.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+alreadypretty+%28Already+Pretty%29
Thanks for saying this Rosie. As someone who puts a lot of effort into clothing (even though I do it because I love clothes and not for other people’s opinion), it’s very easy to forget that you’re going to make a bigger impact by what you say and do- not what you wear. I don’t think there is anything wrong with caring about how you look, however, as long as it’s for the right reasons.
There’s definitely something to be said about a billion dollar industry (fashion) and the reasons it’s so successful. It’s because we all care a little much about our outsides. It’s scary to think that we may be neglecting the insides in the process.
Hope all is well!
It almost feels sad to me to recognise the truth of this. I say sad, because I’m someone who has always spent forever worrying about what I wear, how I look, and have no concept of how I feel about a given situation!
I used to rock up to work in my suits that cost a fair bit of money, and I’d do my job well. Now I rock up to work in my jeans and a tshirt, nd I still do my job well… and I don’t scare the young people I work with nearly as much!!!!
When I did the Go Natural day the one thing that I noticed the most was that no one even commented on the fact I wasnt wearing any make up (of course, this started it’s own wave of OH MY GOD DOES THAT MEAN IM NOT DOING MY MAKEUP PROPERLY issues), but really? I think it helped me realise exactly what you write – no one else cares, not nearly as much as me!
(I kinda like the idea of rocking that green outfit though….)
Love this, Rosie. The closet stall happens to me at least once a month. Definitely nice to have something to think about when I am starting to become late for work…
Rosie,
I’ve been following you through Laura Caputo. Just found out about this blog. May I add my congratulations and say that I am so impressed by your success and not one bit surprised! all the best to you!
Ah, thanks so much for the kind words, Lauren, and for popping in. Hope to continue to hear your voice around here! Laura has caught me up on you, and I am so happy to hear you are doing well. Continued good wishes to you!
How interesting, Autumn- love how the experience helped you affirm why you do wear make-up. Thanks for sharing!
Such a good point about looking tired- I wonder if make-up really helps us look as untired as we hope it will. Love that your daughter didn’t notice at all!
Laura, hope you are feeling much better by now. I do love the time that one gets back when going all natural! And I loved that blog entry- and the blog itself- thanks for pointing me in that direction!
what great advice for women…. I too took time off in my 20s. I learned to live with myself, by myself. It may seem ridiculous, but I challenged myself to kill the big bug in my apartment and I reveled in its death (that was not a metaphor by the way…lol)I mastered parallel parking, eating in restaurants alone (or at least with a book), going to baseball games and concerts that I wanted to see with or without someone and I learned to enjoy the outdoors both by myself and with my friends. What a truly special and meaningful time – it is when I became me! AMEN!
Rosie… I wish I had read this a decade ago. Brilliant. Will pass it on. Thank you.
Oh, Mary, I love what you tackled during your time off (or on, as the case may be). Thank you so much for sharing! And thanks for your kind words, Dina.
I love this!.. i know a few ppl who need to read this and hopefully will learn from it.
Thanks Ro I needed this today 🙂
…as long as you agree that showering is not entirely mandatory until day 4, well okay, 3! 🙂 Relax, everyone else is too busy themselves in the am to notice what anyone else is wearing. Congrats on the race and fundraising!
This made me smile 😀 bc I love “forget you”!!! and I always want MORE music.
Chill even ppl without kids do stuff like that.. like ME..lol ive been in a rush that I put earrings on one ear and forget the other side.. putting both contacts in the same eye is the worst..lol
Eve
Lets talk family history about the Starks from Little Washington, Va.
Your Distant Cuz!!!
This was beautiful, Rosie. Thank you so much for sharing. It might seem like a strange thing to say, but after reading this, all I could think was “Rosie is so pure of heart.”
What a lovely complimnet, Elyssa. Sometimes, I’m certainy not, but it’s a lovely aim. Thank you.
Beautiful! What a wonderful testament to the value of life and the great gift of adoption. Prayers for your boy’s parents that their faith grants them peace. Prayers for your family, Rosie, the blessings this boy will bring to the world aren’t yet known, but certainly the blessing he is to you is understood through your words.
When I first started reading this I was going to say, “at least they didn’t say ‘this poor child got stuck with you guys huh?” I made though the part about you tearing up watching your son but you got me with the part about you tearing up again describing it. Now I’m tearing up describing your description.
I just got a call from my Mom that my sister is in labor with her second child (confirmed by a post from my sister on Facebook) so your story touched me. Unconditional love is wonderful!
Oh, Rosie. I am the one left weeping now. Thank you for re-posting this amazing piece about loving “baby.” Your talent as a writer floors me, and fills me with gratitude. Honored to know you.
Great words of wisdom, Ashley! I’m alrady feeling better about covering my grey!
I often emphasize to my patients that if they view their bodies (and themselves) with disgust, with distain, why would they want to treat it well? Specifically, why would you eat to meet your body’s needs or select foods that help you feel good if you despise your body? So I agree completely. The starting point needs to be self acceptance where you’re at, even as you takes steps to move forward!
I love what you emphasize with your patients, Lori. Indeed, coming to a place where you treat your body well means that you find your body is worthy of respect and care. Thank you for sharing!
I think it is helpful to let each person define their own “letting go” themselves. Loving ourselves and accepting ourselves includes coming to terms with having a different beautification regimen than what is touted in the magazines. It’s also helpful to realize what makes a lot of women feel sexy, satisfied and glamorous only makes others feel uncomfortable, anxious, and stressed.
Treating ourselves well is a self defined task.
I’m glad you got those eyebrows done [or have an appointment!]
One of the questions I ask my body image seminar students at the beginning of each semester is how do they care for themselves each day and how do they show themselves a lack of concern. It’s interesting to look at the range of what they feel represents self-care (or lack of self-care). It is indeed a self-defined task. And I apprecaite how you really emphasize that one woman’s essential task is another’s bane. Thanks for commenting!
Ashley, I’m so glad you wrote this. I think about this all the time–Am I being a sell-out if I wear heels or worry about how I look in jeans? It is so complex to be in this field and to work with clients who struggle with food and body image. But as therapists, we are of this world, of the culture that perpetuates extreme ideas about beauty and weight. So I think the most we can do is seek balance and rely upon an ethos of self-care. (Which sometimes means getting our eyebrows waxed!)
Dana, you are so right- it is about balance- enough self-care to be respecful of the vehicle we’ve been giving to experience life but not so much that it becomes obsessive and interferes with our experiencing life.
thanks Ashley!
im so glad you wrote this. As someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder i struggle with the guilt that surrounds this very topic. on one hand, feeling guilty that my loyalties no longer lie with my eating disorder and those strict standards for defining my beauty . . . but also guilty that, on some level, my authentic self still cares about the way i look. i always feel hesitant to make any comments about my appearance in front of those who know my history in fear that they will think it is the eating disorder talking – but yet, i hear almost every woman i know at some point, comment on her own looks. it made me feel like because i had an eating disorder, now, in “regular” life, the expectations being put on me to let go of all attachment to any quest for beauty, was greater than for the average woman. honestly it made me feel like i had to be super human or at least immune to anything that may make me body or beauty conscious – and really just another thing that i have kept hidden for fear of what others think.
so again, thanks for this, i feel a sense of freedom knowing that its okay to treat my body right and take care of it with balance(something i didnt do for too long) – and i think what you’re saying is that when you do treat your whole self right it will be reflected in your outward beauty – self confindence and all!!
Kell, Thank you so much for sharing that nuance of what some in recovery face! And I love that this post helped you reconsider that guilt and arrive at a sense of freedom.
Thank you Ashley! I have often felt that my “self-acceptance” theme has been misinterpreted “letting myself go” when, in fact, I believe self-acceptance is the first step to being the healthiest and fittest I can be.
Well said, Karen. I’ve been in that place where I’ve had to explain that self-acceptance is not a cop out. Maybe in fact, it is a buy-in. I, too, think getting to self-acceptance is that critical first step in living the life you imagined.
I completely agree with you. There is a fine line between self-love and self-absorption. Loving your body for it’s strength, curves, and how a good fitting pair of jeans look helps build that confidence we are all looking for. But being obsessed with calories or wanting to look skinner than everyone else, that is when the unhealthy thinking begins. Reaching a perfect balance is something I’m continually striving for. Thanks again for the insight!
Lindsey, So well said. I teach a college course on body image and my students often fear that if they improve their body image, they’ll be considered vain. We talk a lot about what that line is betwen self-love and self-absorption as they journey towards self-acceptance
I definitely don’t think that self love means letting yourself go. When i hate my body i wear ill-fitting clothes that hide it and myself. When i love my body I wear things that look good on it, i take care of myself!
What a good point, Elizabeth, about how so many of us hide our physical beings when we’re unhappy with them. Sometimes doing the opposite can actually be an embrace of who and how we are!
I so agree with “Ditch the Fat Chat” and “Never ask “Have You Lost Weight?”
One I’ll add is this: don’t place all your attention and value on how much your weigh, how much weight you’ve lost and so on.
When I was losing weight the first time around I made my life…mySELF…all about it. I was in everyone’s face with it. And I realize now the reason: I had nothing else to be proud of but my body…and then I regained half the weight I had lost. Once I started placing value on other aspects of me…things changed for the better!
What an insightful comment, Karen. You are absolutely right, when you reach that place of balance is, ironically, when things click- not when we’re strong arming ourselves into believing but when we arrive and find, I believe.
Hi Ashley and Rosie-
Love reading your perspective on all of this and of course have thought about this myself as a therapist to women struggling with eating and body related issues. I talk a lot about “beauty” with my clients but it’s more of an energy and my wish that they surround themselves with beauty vs deprivation than about anything cosmetic…although that can be part of it. I believe we that things that are healthy and vibrant and alive and well-nourished are beautiful. Living in our senses, knowing what lights us up and enlivens our creative expression all of it makes us beautiful. Again it’s more energetic and about bringing in more life to the mix. But adornment and ways of enhancing our way of feeling our best are natural, and can feel wonderful. Unfortunately as we all know, we live in a crazy culture of extremes- it’s all around us masked as “beauty”.
I love to look my best and depending on the day am more or less willing to put effort into that! I work at home in the country so it’s pretty casual around here! I do feel that my clients who see me in person or via Skype look at me to see how I treat myself- if I look healthy, if I take the time to tend to my appearance in certain ways, and I definitely want to model self-love in whatever ways I can.
Long winded response but love hearing other therapists ‘weigh in’ around this.
Love and Blessings,
Lisa Claudia Briggs
IntuitiveBody
Hi Lisa! Thanks for commenting. And, yes, there is so much to be said for taking pleasure and delight in life in general in order to arrive at a place of self-acceptance. A lot of the days in Beautiful You are geared towards those sort of exercises (for example: buying yourself flowers or using something that you normally save for a special occassion and then there are fives days that focus on being really grounded in each of the five senses) because, you are exactly right, it is about being open and accepting of beauty- everywhere- not just our own but delighting in what the world offers, too. Your response wasn’t long winded at all– it was great. Thank you!
Great post, Ashley! Coming from someone with (somewhat former) dichotomous thinking, this balance that you speak of is hard. About a year ago I bought cream to erase a pea sized sun spot from my cheek. I thought, “Should I not care? Should I make a video blog about it without make up and show everyone my spot?”
OMG, it’s enough to make us crazy! You’re right- we’re human. It’s okay to want clear skin, but not to obsess on it. Thanks for talking about this 😉
Andrea, I had the same experience of questioning when I was trying to decide whether or not to have my hair straightened. I ultimately decided that it would make my life so much easier, but the decision making process was really prolonged because of navigating what I felt were the implications. Thanks for sharing your experience!
This is a beautiful insight: “Loving ourselves means treating ourselves with the utmost respect.”
When I came into a recovery program for my food addiction and bulimia (through which I lost nearly 60 pounds), I regained my self-respect. And part of my transformation included washing my face at night, flossing my teeth, wearing make-up, and buying cute clothes. I never did those things when I was ill because I didn’t care about myself — I thought I was a loser and taking care of myself was a waste of time.
Thanks for sharing this!
Heather, I love that creating a self-care ritual was part of your process. I find that paying gentle attention to ourselves can be such an incredible act of kindness and affirmation. Thank you for sharing!
Holy moly, woman! My mouth is literally watering!!!!! Can’t wait to try these 🙂
Unlimited potential!!!!Mil besitos y bendiciones xxRosa
God be with the mother. As her child was carried may she carry her soul. As her child was born may she give birth and life and form to her own, higher truth. As she nourishes and protects her child may she nourish and protect her own inner life and independence. For her soul shall be her most painful birth, her most difficult child and the dearest sister to her beloved child. Amen.
Michael Leunig
you are a true witness to gratitude. Gracias Preciosa!!!
I love this, Rosie. Very few people have reached this point in their lives to the extent that they can explain it, that they can teach it. It seems you have, and I am grateful to be somewhere downstream of you, still learning, still, at times, paralyzed, but internalizing bits and pieces of your big wisdom. Thank you.
If it were up to me, I would never make the bed, and clean clothes have stayed in the laundry basket (right beside my dresser) for weeks. Oh boy do I ever feel better.
You’ve said beautifully what are perhaps the two most important lessons in life: rely upon yourself, after all, God gives to each of us the tools and talents needed to succeed in our destiny. But then the second lesson: rely on others…. I think that the challenge or difficulty in learning to rely on others increases exponentially with the challenge or difficulty realized in learning lesson 1…. but it becomes easier to learn if we recognize: others to rely upon is a gift from God necessary to fulfill our destiny, but even more important, is that, for the “others”, being relied upon IS their destiny which of course comes full circle to the realization that it is my destiny to be the support and reliance for others.Wallah! The key to happiness: put yourself in the service of those less fortunate or more vulnerable than yourself and you will ALWAYS be happy and ALWAYS fulfill your destiny in the eys of God! Does that make any sense? LOL
Ohhhh-I’m fluxing right now too with our impending move! I have been frustrated and anxious and moody, and know that I have, and instead of holding it all on my shoulders, and internalizing those feelings, I talked them out with my love. The anxious mellowed, and I was able to refocus on the plan. Look at the flux as a messy closet and go for it! XOXO!
Rosie’s Writer’s Block: officially OVER!
Thanks for this, Rosie. I will definitely be using this is my courses and with all the young women I mentor.
I am all for consignment. It is a great way to let go of items that you feel guilty for buying and then giving away. But beware I got hooked on a shop that sold new and consigned goods, so all my consignment money just went back into other new clothes- not exactly solving the problem!
Rosie,
That conversation has been going on in different variations at my house for at least a year. Our adoptions were domestic–and I’ll talk to you all day any day about our process!
Warmly,
Ann
Love, love, LOVE your journaling ideas! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Ok heres a few 😀
How do you prepare for summer? Its TX so almost always summer-ish.. but I start looking for my big hat, a few good trashy books and make some playlist of music i love.
If I didn’t need to earn money, I would.. play tambourine in a band..lol
What does your bedtime ritual involve? wash face brush and floss then Prayers
What do you never tire of? laughing
What do you think about when you are sunbathing? book or song thats on
What would you do differently if you had your time again? i would stop being shy sooner than i did.. hard to believe I was very shy as a lil girl I know, but I was..
If you could revisit your youth for a week, what age would you pick? any age from birth to 14.. Great times with my cousins
What’s your kookiest habit? I sometimes dunk my cookies in WATER not milk.. not so much that they are mushy just a little moist.. why?? bc i like my cookies to taste like cookies not milk..lmao
What’s your view on body art? not 4 me but what-ev as long as U can cover it up when it needs to be .. no need to see picks of a devil or grim reaper at a funeral or UR church wedding.. just sayin..
Love this line: I was like the kid whose parent forces her to keep taking piano lessons when she hates music. Except that I was the bossy parent, too.
And I, too, am an adult onset athlete, so I can really appreciate your words here!
What an great story! It reminds me of the book Nutureshock, which talks about how kids notice differences in skin color, but soon realize it’s not OK to talk about them. You & your sister handled this beautifully!
This poem really spoke to me. Being married to a man of Mexican decent and having a child who is mixed race, I sometimes find myself in a weird place. By birth, I am 100% Caucasian. Everything about me is WHITE. However, when I’m around his family, I partially identify as Mexican, because I’ve been so immersed in the culture. I’ve always wanted to write a blog post about it, but I’m worried that it might come off as trying to identify with something that I’m not. (Do other people feel this way?)
Anyway, just wanted to say that I loved this poem. 🙂
Rosie,
I love this post. Sometime this year, I get to move into my own office space instead of a shared space, and this spoke directly to the things that excite me about being in my own space. Thanks!
Ann
I’m sorry but there would have been another one of equal length right beside me if I saw that.
This post has really stuck with me because it is such a reminder that we only see the tip of the iceberg…. so much going on beneath the surface. We spend so much time trying NOT to read into things and NOT to make assumptions. We try to take people at face value. We need to balance that by remembering that everyone has their own story and their own reality which they themselves may not even have explored. Interesting perspective! This also made me think about as parents, my husband and I have often thought about the circumstances that have helped to shape and create some of the qualities in ourselves that we consider good and useful qualities but were born out of disappointment and hardship – we want to save our children those disappointments and hardships like all parents, but question, will we be sacrificing those good qualities in our own children if we do so? Would you be a different person today if your parents had gone out and bought you the suit for that event???? Hmmmmm….
Mary, I so appreciate your comment and perspective. I think about that all the time as a parent- I wouldn’t change that way I grew up for a moment and know that my values and personality were absolutely created by the way in which I was raised. I want so much for Happy to have similiar values and so we try to do our best to make sure we live in a way that happens. That will become all the more important as he becomes more aware. Oh, and I can’t even imagine Mamacita’s reaction if I had asked her to buy that suit. Ha.
One of my personal favs and one that has helped me immensly through my divorce and healing process is “I’m a survivor” by Destiny’s Child. Love it. Get’s your blood pumping and reminds you that we are all survivors and the only person we need is ourselves. So glad I stumbled on this forum. I’m so going to download all the songs from all the suggestions. 🙂
Great suggestion, Melannie. I love I’m a Survivor. Glad you are doing well and recognizing that you can rescue you.
Thank you so much for summing this feeling up so beautifully Rosie. I have been at the receiving end of ‘She’s so lucky’ many times since our daughter came home from The Philippines. May I share your article, referencing your blog, in the blog I am writing? http://www.lookinlookout74.blogspot.com
God Bless,
Nicki (Australia)
Nicki, It would be my great pleasure for you to share it. Congratulations on your newest addition! Sending you all the best on your family’s journey.
Thank you, and all the best to your family too!
On Easter Sunday I encountered a SNAKE in my washroom.A few weeks prior to that my husband said he saw the exact snake outside on the back porch,he went to remove it well it crawled up between the door frame and the brick on our little closet that houses the ht water heater.W e never saw in until Easter Sunday,it was behind my washing machine,the top of it’s head was looking right at me.All i could do was get the pets and kids outside.I called my husband in tears,casue i’m very afraid of snakes.He caught and killed it thank God .i know it was a RAT SNAKE but still a good snake is a dead snake.My only concern is how it could’ve gotten in the house,any suggestions.
Oh, Mandy, I am so sorry! That’s totally scary. The only suggestion I have is for you all to check all the crevices he could have climbed through and caulk them all shut. Ours was an easier fix since we’re fairly certain he came through the open door. Hope you never have to go through that again!
the only other place i think it may have came in at was thru the dryer vent outside ,i really don’t know.i’m always on the look out when i go in there.hopefully this will be first and last time.I’ve lived in this house for 5 yrs. only snake we’ve seen .
What a great idea! I love it. I hope I remember this when my son is old enough in a few years!
Elle normally wears cloth diapers but when we travel we use disposable. I always buy the pirates, never the princesses 😉
Rosie – I love this! I’ve now shared it with several friends who have kids in the perfect age range to begin this!
I have really been enjoying your blog! You inspire me! Thanks!
XOX
Kip
Ok… so this made me cry! He’s such a special little guy! You are all very lucky to have found each other!
Love that!
What a sweet little man – it looks like the weather is getting warmer in your part of the world 🙂
xxxCate
Rosie,
Thanks for another post that is spot on. This is a reminder that I often need, both as I interact with clients, and as I parent. And as I was reading, I remembered moments of connection which were only possible because I was able to acknowledge my own shortcomings. I hope that I can continue to remember that as my kids grow.
Ann
I hope the same thing, too, Ann, that I can always remember this truth as I parent and teach, too!
ironically on the post I did recently on being an imperfect role model I felt that I left my readers with the impression that I handled the situation perfectly for reacting in a thoughtful way – but only this time!! Maybe I need to write another post on all the times I lose my temper and say thoughtless things?? (hmmm, maybe not…:-)
xxxCate
Cate, I think you came across as a woman who had this moment of insight into what might reach your daughter best in that moment and acted on your intuition- another great lesson for us to remember!
My dad had me memorize “If” too… as well as Casey at the Bat and several other poems that have stuck with me through the years… definitely plan to continue the tradition with the little people in my life! X
Love this idea–thanks for sharing!
Have you checked out any of Brene Brown’s books…. you have to love this title: The Gifts of Imperfection.
She recently did a pbs special – I dvr’d it, saw 3/4 of it but forgot to protect it and it got erased by the 287th episode of Pokemon saved on our dvr (mental note: password protect the dvr and DO teach children how to use it). I enjoyed her easy way of speaking and of course appreciated the message.
Mary, I don’t know about Brene Brown. I am going to go look her up right now! Thank you for the recommendation!
The words of your students captured my heart. How fulfilling it is to read brilliant thoughts and realizations, all written by intelligent and powerful individuals with the potential to influence change. Reading these words has me smiling and treasuring the value of the Women’s and Gender Studies program that UNCC offers.
Aw, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to believe that things magically change overnight on the Internet! In fact, sometimes I fix things just by walking away—computers have personalities and sometimes they just get cranky and tired. 😉
I know you posted this a bajillion years ago, but I want to thank you. This will help me so much as my dear friends are maybe just about to set out on this journey. Will print it out for reference.
I am currently making my list. LOVE this!
I’ll post my list when I’m finished. For now know it’s on my In Case You Missed It Edition tomorrow. Hoping all my teacher friends join in.
How important is it for us to just remember to ask! Or to give ourselves permission to ask. And I love the perspective that loneliness is a universal struggle. Remembering that somehow makes loneliness less lonely. 🙂
It absolutely is a universal struggle because it is a universal experience. It’s the very nature of how we were created- even if we are a twin. And i do think if we can keep perspective about it- it is not about us, it is just the nature of life-, then we can distill some of that loneliness into a great awareness that isn’t so lonely (hope that makes some degree of sense).
Thanks for this honest post. It’s exactly what I needed to hear today.
ditto on Ann’s comment! Thanks Rosie!
When did that little baby become the big boy? Wow!!!! **tear**
Love it. So true. Miss you guys.
Very timely post for me, my friend. I was just talking myself into continuation, but now I’m going to shake that out and see what’s what. Thanks!
Wonderful article. Thank you.
Rosie, I love this idea – for myself and also for my twenty-something children!
what an amazing post. thank you, thank you, thank you. such a good reminder. sometimes picking up the phone or writing an email is so difficult, though. it seems this particular occasion it didn’t even occur to you to reach out to your “village.” but sometimes, even when it might occur to me, i just can’t. we are taught that to ask for help is somehow a failure, a sign of weakness or neediness. your post reminds me that it’s not. perhaps it is, though, radical…revolutionary, even.
You are so right, Kate. It didn’t occur to me. I think I just wanted my village to show up and say, “You’ve been working so hard. Let me do the dishes or grocery store” for you. My expectation was so off because you never really know what is going on with someone. But what I do know now is that if I had asked anyone in my village to do x or y, they would have done that or more. I think you are so right. Asking isn’t a weakness, it’s revolutionary and our relationships are able to grow even further because of our ability to trust that someone else can help us.
This is spot on and speaks to what I’ve been thinking about lots recently–the courage to be a beginner, and to engage in growth, rather than stew in stagnation. Particularly meaningful this time of year as the natural world’s innovation and growth becomes so obvious.
how hilarious!! My little one just likes to go through the drawers and pull everything out – for no (apparent) reason. At least he’s trying them all on 🙂
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
I’ve just been back to re-read your earlier post about “it is never about you” and this one follows on so well. I take everything personally – and I’m beginning to understand this is a common trait among people with ED. I’ve always thought I was pretty invisible but actually it seems I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what other people think of me. Writing, both for my blog and through notes I’ve been writing after all my gp/dietician/councelor appts (my memory is not too gd at the moment) have helped me to see my thoughts in action – and therefore to analyse them more objectively. Journalling, as you say, can be so much more powerful than just a list of what you did that day.
Pj, even if it feels like it is out of neccessity, it is so, so smart that you are taking notes after each appt. What a great and helpful resource to return to when you need it. And, yes, blogging is absolutely a form of journaling. It does strie me as so interesting that many of us spend a lot of time thinking about what others are thinking about us- when others are likely thinking the same things and not about us at all! Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
I needed this (again). Thank you, Rosie.
I love that little boy!
perhaps “have you lost the weight of the world?” would be a better question?
Brilliant, PJ. Brilliant.
PJ–I love your response.
Rosie–What a lovely take on a critical question that we face so often. Sometimes we have to just let it go, while holding our space. Other times, we have a window to share a wider perspective.
Thanks for sharing a wider perspective!
I love how you expressed that, Ann– letting it go while holding our space. Sometimes, we do have the opportunity to share a different perspective, but, sometimes, we don’t and we have to let it go while holding our space. Thank you for those words.
Rosie,
You are MUCH more generous than I would have been. (And also quicker to think on your feet!)
I think people are saying, “A physique which our culture says is attractive–lean, thin, no excess fat–is something I, personally, value. You are more worth more to me thin than you are chunky.”
I may have issues. Ha ha. But I do think that VALUE is tucked in the comment someplace…
Margot, Great point (and I don’t think you have issues at all). I believe that people who comment on bodies usually have something going on with that issue themselves. So, if someone makes commentary about weight- there is some sort of weight back story in her life and that back story does often have a lot to do with the idea of value- that being thin is of higher value than being other than thin. That said, I think when this woman was asking me if I had lost weight, what she was SEEING in that moment was a more emotionally light me, not a physically different me. She was seeing a me that was far more well than the last time she saw me- but my wellness wasn’t linked to a number of the scale. Thanks so much for your good insight– I think it is so important for us to be honest and give voice to these societal pressures.
Rosie, very thoughtful and honest. Thank you. I have found that I am different in some ways from a lot of people. If I were to ask “have you lost weight?” it would simply mean that I haven’t seen you in awhile and you look different to me, in other words “what has been happening with you since I last saw you?” Sometimes you’ll see someone you haven’t seen in years and they look exactly the same. Sometimes they’ll look different. Usually that means something has changed in their life. Once I lost a bunch of weight because I was under stress another time I lost pretty much the same weight because I discovered a food allergy that was making me ill and now I’m very much healthier. Of course my friends noticed this weight loss. I look very different. I’m not worried about being judged by others.
Pamela, Thanks so much for sharing! I think you bring up a good point that a lot of times (in my personal experience) this question comes from people who haven’t seen you in a long time and are commenting on the fact that something seems different. I didn’t feel judged at all, but I did know that what she was seeing was a different me than the last time she saw me because I was in a different place emotionally- not a physically different me. I don’t know that she realized that, though. Because I’m in a place of self-acceptance, it didn’t hurt me to hear her ask that through “have you lost weight?” but I imagine someone else who hasn’t gotten to a place of self-acceptance might have worried, “What did she think about me before?” Given that, I think it is important for us in our interactions to be sure that our words are saying what they mean– you look well or happy or whatever comes across really differently than “Have you lost weight?” and more accurately portrays what we are thinking. I like the idea of using our actual observations for our communion and communication with others. Your point about being ill or stressed as past reasons for weight loss brings me to an exact point I made on a television interview a couple months ago. “Have you lost weight?” usually doesn’t take you anywhere good. If the answer is no, something is left hanging in the air. If the answer is yes, you haven’t necessarily dodged a bullet becuse you have no idea what is going on in that person’s life to have caused the weight loss- and it’s not always a positive thing that has led to that change in the person’s physicality. Love the idea of the question we ask when we see someone after a long time period being, “What has been happeing with you since I last saw you?” Again, thanks so much for sharing! You added such richness to the conversation!
I cant tell You how much I hate when ppl say ” U look good, have U lost weight?” Why cant I JUST look good or Pretty without having weight lose be the reason? I always say “nope I always look this good” 😀
Ok I have lost it a few times and yell “NO I havent and NO Im not trying to!” and “Do You really think thats a complement bc its not!”.. sure later I have to explain why i think they are wrong.. Most of the time they get it.. Sadly, some dont.
I LOVE “nope, I always look this good.” That is brilliant, Yvette. And, yes, sometimes people just need a more direct conversation about it.
Rosie, this really made me think! Thank you for your perspectives on this question. I always thought of it as a compliment… but now I see that that question can be just the opposite! I just love Yvette’s response! Perfect! Thanks for making me think hard about this topic!
Thanks so much for sharing, Kip!
beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)” definitely needs to be added to this list now! What an amazing song!
Just perfect! Ashton is very wise!
Hopefully, she’ll hold on to this nuggets of truth for her teen years, Kip, because it really will serve her well! If she doesn’t, though, I’ll remind her!
I swear I just got the chills. How awesome to see that from a young woman, and how important that she keeps that wisdom through out her life! A big ole WOOTWOO for that! And did you high 5 her?
I wanted to hug her but since we were in the car, I kept my hands on the wheel but did exclaim with glee. I think she thought I was a little crazy. But I am, so I’ll take it!
Oh my goodness! This just knocked me over with its fabulousness.
Isn’t it incredible, Anna? And Ashton had no idea that she had said something REALLY profound. It was just this very matter of fact comment. Like, that sign over there is orange. It was a powerful moment.
Wow, the things that we come across! I rememeber reading this article in a magazine about 6 yrs ago. The Doss family are a house full of angels, thank the man above for them. I never knew where this Turrubiartes family was from originaly(parents) it would be nice to know, my family is so BIG that I don’t know everyone, who knows they may be closer in relation than I know.But thank to the Doss family these children will have better oppurtunities.
Irma, The Doss family is amazing- such an inspiration. To answer your question, the Turrubiartes are from Mexico.
What a wonderful post and a terrific message for me to share with my two teen/tween Gifts [step-daughters].
This was the first post that I’ve read on your blog and I have Cate @ http://keepcatebusy.blogspot.com/ to thank for introducing you – I’m off to explore the rest of your space.
x Felicity
Felicity, I LOVE that you call your step-daughters your gifts. How lovely. And so glad you stopped in– I have Cate to thank, too!
Funnily enough I got stuck on 19 – it wasn’t until I was about 22 that I was able to answer my age correctly without first mistakenly saying 19 (weird!).
And I’m not sure I am aging gracefully. I wonder sometimes about how much of my disordered eating and obsession with exercise is down to a fear of growing older. My mother always says that she loves each birthday because it means she has survived another year (her mother died at 52 without seeing any of her grandchildren) – but I think I’m just travelling along under the assumption that evetually I will find the age where fear gives way to acceptance.
I wonder if everyone gets stuck on an age, PJ? I love that I’m not the only one, at least. Your mom’s take on birthdays is quite powerful. Thanks for sharing!
If she can learn that lesson, really, really learn it at her tender age, then there is hope for us all after all. I love the way you have written this. “Different kinds of pretty” – ah, yes.
Stopped in from Keep Cate Busy’s blog. So glad I did. x
Yes.. we are all a Different kind of Pretty :~)
thanks to Zebra Sounds for providing the link
Aging Gracefully
for me the key lays in how we see ourselves in the mirror
so many of us believe that grey hair is ugly.. as so from such a young age we posion our bodies with chemicals…that strip our hair of it’s natural beauty and shine … I told myself from the time I was 9 I wanted to streaks of gray from my temples.. and now at 50 I have them :~) makes me smile thinking I may turn into Mrs. Munster LOL
I’ve been making faces in the mirror since I was old enough to understand what a mirror is for… goofing around with… or playing magic mirror… ” who the most beautiful ? you are my dear ” even on hormonal days when I did not feel it… I’d just screw my face up even more and tell it… ” then today I am the funniest !”
our face… is the canvas of our emotions… exercise those muscles daily with joy… surprize….excitement…laughter… mixed in with occasional sorrow… tears lubricate our skin…and wash the windows of our soul.. if we can not see our own beauty how can we see anyone else’s ?
your joy and love
is painted upon your face
for all the world to see
we can never be 20 again
except in our minds
and how we interact with the world
it is our vibration that people react to
first and foremost
and truly if you judge me for my wrinkles and grey hair
it is only a mirror image of yourself
than you do not like.
as for me
at 80 I’ll still be wearing my tie dyed dress
sticking my tongue out to catch falling snowflakes
and splashing around in the rain
will I have wrinkles..probalby
but I won’t see them
because when I look in the mirror
It is to check my shine
LunaJune, Yes, indeed, we can be whatever age we want in our minds. Love it. One of my principles is that, indeed, any one who critiques your physicality is only doing it from a place of their own self-consciousness with that issue/ feature. And love that checking the mirror is just for checking your shine. Well said!
Coming from decades of experience…
1. I choose to color my hair. It was a present to myself when I turned 40. NOT coloring my hair a present when I turned 50. But I took it up again at 55 because of the dull color. I will probably do it until I’m 70 -because who expects a 70 year old to be ash blond?
2. I accept that daily exercise is not vanity but necessity.
3. I spend more time caring about the way I look in the mirror than any number on a scale.
4. I embrace my inner 8 year old- and my inner 35 year old. They rule.
5. I try to care about everyone around me and genuinely want to understand what they are passionate about.
These are great rules for living gracefully, Deb! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! Very helpful… we are traveling soon for a June 20 court date, then back again to pick up our little girl who is five months old now!
Congratulations, Sarah! We didn’t have two trips when we traveled so this packing list is best for that Embassy trip but it should help with the court date trip, too! Wishing you all the best (and feel free to enter adoption in the search engine on the blog for a lot of posts to come up).
I am only 21 and already stressed that there’s not enough time to do all I want in my life. That’s absolutely horrible. I’m taking Betty White’s words of wisdom and praying that she knows what she’s talking about. And don’t feel bad about watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Everyone has a guilty pleasure, right? There are worse things to watch or do or love.
I think Betty has to know what she’s talking about, Kaleigh! I love that you have so much you want to do. Make that list and start scratching off. A little bit at a time makes it all happen in the end.
Rosie,
This was lovely! And I think that the perspective of grounding our identities in our passions and our activities is so valuable. When we have those things that we love, they provide the stepping stones to self-love.
Thanks!
Ann
Great post! I started out as a hospital and nursing home volunteer in 8th grade. 20 years later I still am in love with my field. It has shaped me into the person I am!
precious Sweetie Boy :o)
I am of complete agreement. You make a great point that when we ask “Have you lost weight?” we’re really trying to say that someone looks great, happy, sparkling.
I’ve written a post about why “you lost weight” isn’t a compliment, too: http://s.rvxn.org/2010/09/21/you-lost-weight-is-not-a-compliment/
Love this, Rosie. Last weekend at a wedding I saw friends – a married couple – that I hadn’t seen in at least a couple of years. At one point, during an otherwise lovely conversation, the male of the couple (which, for some reason or another, seemed even more odd to me) went beyond asking the question and simply stated, “You look like you’ve lost weight.” My initial response (though I hate to admit it) was, “Thanks!” And then, several minutes later, “I shouldn’t have said, ‘Thanks.’ I’m taking that back. I meant, ‘Hmm. Interesting observation.'” Later, it occurred to me that maybe I do look thinner, because at the time of our last encounter, I was likely purging regularly (and thus had swollen cheeks…yada, yada, yada). Again, probably not something that’s appropriate to bring up in polite conversation.
Either way, the question – and even more so, the statement – is so wildly loaded. Thank you for the reminder, and again today as always, for the example you set for me in rising above it.
Thanks for sharing, Kate. What interesting observations about the situation itself and then what might have been different than the last time you saw the couple. You set an example for me, too, Kate.
Rosie,
Lovely! I’m on board to stop the judgement train. Thanks for the lovely reminder.
Ann
What a great pledge!!
I had a very interesting moment at work the other day where one woman commented on the ‘large thighs’ on a lady in the newspaper – and I didn’t have to say a thing! About three other women all jumped in and made comments like “you’re looking at it the wrong way – her thighs are just really strong”.
Needless to say I was blown away 🙂
I love that all the women jumped in to help the other woman see things differently. THanks for sharing this story, PJ!
Goodness, if I wasn’t creating problems for myself I’d be recovered!! Then what would I do with my time?? 🙂
My kids have had ‘Tangled’ on constant rotation for the last couple of week in my house – and the main song is called ‘When will my life begin?’ – so true!! It has an alternate verse later in the movie too with a line that I love which says “…and like for the first time ever I completely free…’.
I love this line – and keep it in my head whenever I forget where I’m going 🙂
Rosie:
Good to see you!! I taught with you at Garringer HS in the late 90’s..I was the computer guy and helped out Reed Hilderbarand with the Atletic department.
I don’t know if you know, but Kelly Ludden in now a principal in the Long Beach Unfied School District in California. Yvonne Carlton is teaching in the LBUSD also.
Good to see your face again!
Marcus
Hi Marcus! Love the update on Kelly and Yvonne- that’s awesome. What are you up to these days? So good to hear from you!
Last week I spent all day in a meeting to ID what processes / work flows we need to focus on to improve productivity. I heard the word ” but ” so many times that I felt we needed to create a swear jar – and everytime somebody used the word “but” they would have to put in twenty five cents . This quote really hit home for me !
Love the idea of a swear/excuses jar at work, Kim. You can buy the office something fun when you’ve collected enough– nothing like celebrating building camraderie and a sense of responsibility. Good luck with increasing productivity (it is a never ending pursuit)!
Jersey girl here and…. Jersey Shore girl here! Nothing like the tv shows, but it is true we do eat pork roll and we don’t pump our own gasoline!
My body is aging – I joke that after 40 it starts going downhill and then after 45 we age in dog years. On the upside, it seems many really start to concentrate on their health and lifestyle as it relates to health in their 40s. 20s and 30s the goal was to look our best, 30s the goal was to look like our 20s – but in the 40s the impetus changes from how we look to how we feel and longevity!
Truth be told, I don’t have a lot of body issues, but still this has been a year or two of great body adjustment and mind adjustment to the body adjustment! I now refer to my body as my “renaissance body” as I look in the mirror and see these beautiful curves and lumps around my belly, hips and thighs which were not there before and this despite eating healthier and working out healthier and more consistently than ever before. Bottom line: our bodies change but that is as it is intended! I’ve allowed myself a period of mind adjustment to the body adjustment and come out happy with my renaissance body feeling strong and healthy!
I do think that thoughtfully viewing art and advertising through the ages can help us to realize that beauty is defined differently by different peoples in different cultures and different time periods. It is not a constant and it is not objective. Once we internalize that, it is a short hop to: therefore it is possible for me to define beauty for myself, in the here and now, and to recognize that my definition will shift with time and place….
Now, look at my beautiful renaissance lady!
http://www.the-athenaeum.org/art/full.php?ID=37043
Mary, love “renaissance body”. Love it. And yes- I agree about looking at representations of bodies throughout history and over cultures. In fact, going to a museum for that very reason is one of the exercises in Beautiful You!
A line from the movie “Annie Hall”… “Relationships are like sharks. They have to keep moving or they die.” That one has stuck with me for years!
Usually I hear a line and love it…want to remember and then promptly forget! My sons have that innate ability to remember the great lines and quiz me…very rarely can I come up with the source!
I do know that one of your sons has every movie quote catalogued in his head, Kip. Some are now stored in my head because of him, in fact! And, in deed, relationships do have to keep moving. I haven’t seen Annie Hall but it always comes up so I have to put it on my list!
Right, firstly, snap!! I will be 38 in six months too! I knew I liked you for a reason 🙂
Secondly, easiest way to roast a chicken is to remove the backbone (use chicken scissors), then splay chicken out flat, place breast-up on rack in roasting tray and cook at 180C for 1 hour. That’s it! No turning…too easy.
Thirdly – so love a good checklist!! I tend to do bucket lists, but love this idea of a number list corresponding to your age…might start giving this one some thought 🙂
(oh, and PS: can totally recommend surfing, I’m a novice but I love it!)
When is your birthday, PJ? That’s wild! Thanks for the roasting tips- I don’t know why I’m so intimidated by it but roasted chicken is one of my favorite dishes so I have to tackle it! I, too, love a good checklist and what I found about the bucket list is that it was way too “one day” and not enough “now” and I wanted something that more immediately influenced how I lived now. I started it when I was teaching school because teaching and coaching is all that I did and I really need to get some outside interests. It’s stayed with me more than a decade later and has been a great tool. I LOVE surfing– I took lessons because of the list a few years ago but want to try for lessons again this year when we visit the coast. I’m not sure I’ll ever be confident enough to just go on my own but I love the feel of the sport- I think it’s my favorite sport I’ve ever done.
Rosie, I’m bookmarking this entry because I know it will help me when I finally have my own classroom. I was *just* talking to a girlfriend of mine last night about the “know why you are saying no” point. She teaches 7th grade and comes across this all the time. And of course, as my son nears his 1st birthday, I’ll have to start reasoning with a toddler (ack!), and I know I’ll have to check myself on why I’m saying no – because I don’t want to deal with the aftermath of what he’s asking (i.e., “Mommy, can I have a drippy, squishy fudge pop?”), or because it poses a serious threat to his safety.
Being pleasing is something I still struggle with. I still want everyone to like me. I have no idea why. The struggle to tell someone “no” politely without worrying about what they’ll think of me afterwards. I’ve wasted so much time worrying about what others think, and this is something I’m going to have to reign in before I start teaching (because as I learned a few months back after shadowing a friend’s 9th graders, you can’t lose track of your lesson plans worrying that your students don’t like you.) It’s not about that. It’s about trying to make sure they get the best education in your classroom. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s about. 🙂
Rosie,
Thanks for this one. I have regularly reminded myself that the stubborn, passionate aspects of my daughter’s personality are the kernels of traits that will serve her well. They just challenge my patience and creativity. 🙂
Warmly,
Ann
I love that face. Miss you guys!
Rosie. Thank you for sharing your story, your journey, and the lessons you are learning with the rest of us. Thanks for having this conversation. I’m happy to be a part of it.
Oh I do wish I’d read this post yesterday…I had a really quite bad morning today, and you know the root of it was trying to be a perfect wife to please my husband. Not to inconvenience him in any way, and to have everything perfect with a smile. Nothing to do with him or his personality of course – far more to do with my upbringing. But still, the ‘pleasing someone else’ thing is not working out so well for me at the moment, when I’m having to spend so much precious time taking care of just me.
I think to get through this I’m going to have to remember to be a lot more honest and open with myself as well as with my husband. Learning how not to bottle things up just to be who *I think* he wants me to be is going to be vital. But it’s a life-habit I learned as a teeneager to protect myself, so it’s going to be hard to change.
But I love your advice – for as much as I want to fix what’s broken in me – I want more to protect and teach my own children better ways of being 🙂
I am a woman who no longer wants to be controlled by food and fear. To no longer just merely survive but to truly live.
This is so powerful, PJ. You are indeed a woman who is truly living- already- even if it feels like you are just now learning how. It is in the learning that we actually do. Thanks for sharing!
Oh yuck!!! I hate snakes!!! ick!!!
I am a woman who has taken control out of the equation: I am not controlled and I have no need to control.
What a great statement, Karen. Love the duality of it- not controlled nor controlling. Well said! Thank you for sharing!
Love this idea so much! Sounds fabulous!!
HA! that is hysterical !!! When we were in San Antonio, and I was 38 weeks pregnant with my husband out of town, my dog found a baby rattlesnake in the yard. There I am, about to pop, with a hatchet, swingly wildly at this poor little baby! I hate snakes, too.
Oh, stop it, Robyn. That’s an unbelievable story. And you are a braver woman than me– going after him with a hatchet but a gal has to keep her dog safe!
Rosie,
I typed into the google search..how can I love myself again and this came up 🙂 Its all I need to brighten my day, I’m buying a pretty little book to make as my journal, kill two birds with one stone,
I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself, people don’t believe I hate myself so much because my life appears to be so amicable! But I wake up in the morning not feeling a point for my existence and go to bed crying… everything in between is a show!
I’m gonna fix it today
Thank you
Nursie, I’m so glad you found your way here. One of the critical moments in a journey to self-acceptance is the I have decided (to accept myself, to love myself, to be kind to myself). You’ve made the decision. Now, you just have to do the work- gently, with understanding, with openness. There’s plenty on the site here that I hope will help and in Beautiful You, the book. And there are lots of other great tools out there, too. You might also wish to find a counselor. Counseling is one of the best personal investments a person can choose to make in herself. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope to continue to connect with you here!
I think the snake needs a promotion to be your chief marketing officer. He’s doubling your blog hits on an annual basis! 😉
Not a bad idea, Isha!
Oh, my. Have you been reading my journal?
I think it will be a fantastic, significant explosion of self-discipline and personal growth if I would
GO
TO
BED.
I think my choice about my day tomorrow begins at bed time tonight, and my choice about bed time tonight is beginning now at 1pm. I learn again: it all begins now! 🙂
I agree, Kessia. Going to bed might be my most self-disciplined and self-loving daily act and, yet, the 8 year old in me wants to push the boundaries. Last night, I persevered and got us all to bed at a reasonable hour. Made a huge difference for today. Now, hopefully, a dinner party tonight that I’m excited about won’t completely derail me. Sweet dreams to you!
Rosie,
This hit home. I’ve heard similar stories from young women in my office, and I often ask myself in my parenting if my choices are helping my daughter feel secure and happy on her own!
Thanks for the reminder.
Warmly,
Ann
A hug for “Sara”. And a thank you to you for reminding this darling girl that there is plenty to do with out a boyfriend..happines to her always 🙂
Thank you kindly for the reply.. I did all the things you said in your advice and I feel so much better. I will definately invest in that book beautiful you and the other one you mentioned, i had heard of it before, the artists way. Thanks for your advice and I will definately consider counselling… I feel like a different person today 🙂
What’s a girl to do without a boyfriend? Everything. | Rosie Molinary
Thank you for sharing this story Rosie! Many years past 6th grade, but this is great advise for all women of any age. I recently broke up w/ my boy friend of 5 years, and completely fell apart. I felt the same way Sara did, now what? My whole life had been centered around him. I now have started to re-discovery myself, and I love Me! Thanks again for sharing this story!
Agree on the internet being a time-suck!! But I’m a bit nicer to myself than you – I give myself 15 minute windows 🙂
But I do use a timer as well. For the house work as well as for the internet. I find if I break my jobs down into 15 min blocks I can get a lot more done because it is less overwhelming.
But if I’m really getting swamped by it all then I break out a trusty checklist. Nothing feels as satisfying as a lovely list with lots of little checkmarks next to each point (hint: always start your list with things you’ve nearly finished so you can put those first few checkmarks on straight away!!)
I guess this means we’ll have to double up on lunches in June and August 🙂
Blue-gray tanager! Woohoo! (What about the oilbird? Remember that one?)
Oh, what a happy smile – that looks like such fun!!! Am starting to get seriously jealous of your summer (she says as she sneezes…oh dear!!)
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
Have you ever read Vanity Fair’s Proust questionnaire book? VF gives the questionnaire to one famous person each month, and they recently compiled many of them into a book.
I loved Joan Didion’s answer to the question “How would you like to die?” Her response: “Vindicated.”
What a great list! I even love the colors, makes it even more appealing. Enjoy!
I had a like experience a few years back…telling “Primo” she was too heavy for me to carry up the steps and then hearing it echoed a few times back was like a jab to the heart, did I just say that?! Man, oh man, and we too have tried to change the dialog and that very much means the dialog I use talking about ME around her…and all of them.
We have always used the term “heifer” as someone that is acting a fool, or being sassy, never about weight, but recently I have started wondering if it was enough that WE don’t use it about size at all, because at some point she will hear it in the world and connect that “they” are using it in terms of size, and then maybe it will never matter how we used it or meant it…she will 2nd guess it…and we will have put that dialog there…
Rosie,
I had nearly that same conversation with my daughter, for the exact same reason. Glad to hear that it’s a shared experience, and I too, hope that my attempts at damage control were the messages that stick!
They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar… I guess you catch more snakes with sugar(shacks)??? Welcome to your new office-abode! I’m sure in some culture the snake’s visit would be considered a blessing 🙂
This is such a great project! I would have loved to have an opportunity like this when I was a young girl.
Oh dear. This post made me cry. I suspect that’s a pretty big red flag on how much I know that I treat myself very badly. But I too am a work in progress. And I’m learning that the ED in my head is not me. And that most of the time I’m pretty okay and I need to stop fixating on the little things that I do wrong and accept them as part of life not the end of the world.
Really great post Rosie. I’ve bookmarked it 🙂
You are so right, PJ. The ED is not you. And that you have the self-awareness to see what parts are true for you really is a victory. Everyday we get the chance to learn lessons that help us refine ourselves. As you say, they aren’t the end of the world; just possibility. And the beauty of living is that possibility is infinite.
what surprised me (yesterday): someone i know and respect reacting negatively to someone else i know and like very much. i witnessed the interaction and was stunned by the internal (as communicated to me) dialogue going on with the one. i look forward to witnessing more of their interaction today.
what challenged me (yesterday): the heat. i hate it and it hates me. i’m so uncomfortable and it makes me cranky and lethargic and super snappy – generally unpleasant to be around.
what i need most right now: a healthy breakfast. going to training where food is provided doesn’t always make for the best dietary choices – who eats the candy all day they put out on the table? it turns out, everyone. – and my dairy allergy is making this even more of a challenge. the last 2 days i’ve been good about taking care of myself – i just need to continue to listen.
ps – i posted this on the it’s all yoga facebook. hope you get lots of new visitors today.
Isn’t that so interesting that you felt like you witnessed one thing, Tami, but the other person relayed something different? And what we hear when we are in conversation is so much more about our lens than about the words or the way things are said, I think. I wonder what you witnessed today.
Love “I just need to continue to listen” so, so true.
Thank you for sharing the post with the it’s all yoga facebook page. So grateful!
Rosie,
Oh–I love that exercise! I want to steal it! What a lovely way to both increase mindfulness and increase empowerment (I think those two are always connected, but that’s just me!). Thank you for sharing.
Ann
Steal at your heart’s content, Ann. And I so agree– with mindfulness comes empowerment, indeed.
I need to do some private journaling (yeah…even though I am blisteringly honest on my blog, there are still some subjects that I can’t “go there” with).
This exercise is a good one to start with! Thank you.
Yes, Karen, not everything is meant to be shared- some stuff we just need to work through on our own. The key is to give yourself permission and the space and time to do that private work because it is so worth the time but since it doesn’t actually result in scratching something off the list, it doesn’t always get done. Wishing you all the best in this moment on your journey.
He really is such a divine little man!! And what a great photo – conjures up so many metaphors about the path ahead, the road less travelled…not to mention the look on his face that just says “come with me mummy”
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
Ah, thanks, Cate. This photo startled me when I downloaded it this week because he is suddenly so little boy- he didn’t look this grown in his pool picture last week. And I had the same thought- that maybe I shouldn’t use this for a this moment but for a topic blog like the concepts you mentioned above. And I named this photo Are you coming, Mommy because that was exactly what was on his mind- why are you stopping, lady, let’s go! Happy weekend to you, too, Cate!
Once a month, I meet for a writer’s group called Zona Rosa led by Rosemary Daniell. It completely re-energizes me creatively whenever I go. Sometimes I feel like in my writing, I am nowhere near many of the women I see once a month, but I muster up the courage to go even if I don’t have anything to share, because I never know what nuggets I might hear that will inspire me. Rosemary shares writing “exorcises”, intended to make us write we might not have otherwise.
I also joined a Bunco (which my mom teases me and calls “drunko”) group in my neighborhood to meet other moms. Most of them have kids in elementary school or older, but it’s proven to be a great opportunity to get advice, find out about what’s going on in the schools, and any other “girlfriend-y” topics that come up.
I’m so glad that I got involved with both groups, even though I’m the youngest by far. I hope I offer a fresh perspective to both. 🙂
I LOVE your Sugar Shack. I’m just now getting settled in my new place, unpacking the books for my study. It’s such a blissful thing to have this space for thinking and creating, for nestling in with my books and my thoughts and writing. *Sigh 🙂
May you enjoy your space to the fullest! May it be a haven and a playground and a workshop. May it bring out the very best of you 🙂
Thanks so much, Kessia. It is beyond what I could have hoped for and I am just loving it. You are right- it is indeed a blissful thing to have a place to unpack yourself and your thoughts. Thank you for the blessings on this space- may your space be all the same for you, too!
Thanks for this, Rosie! I’m so good at telling myself that, if one thing is lacking, everything is bad. You know? “I haven’t worked out in weeks; therefore, I am a real failure.” What a great visual to help me to remember that I always have a lot going on, and that, chances are, if I’m focusing less attention on one area, I’m amping it up in another. I like your point about being in the driver’s seat, though. That seems to be the kicker!
I wish I had more to share! I meet a pastor friend to run – run! – about twice a week. I have coffee with a friend in my neighborhood about twice a month. This summer, though, it’s been all about weddings. I see my girlfriends at weddings, and we hug and we eat and we dance our hearts out. But one particular friend and I are always talking about what we can do that might happen annually. Something for ourselves, something not connected to or contingent on the nuptials of another. Right now, we’re thinking about her husband’s family’s mountain house outside of Seattle. It makes me relax just thinking about it.
Oh dear yes, nothing fills you with more working-mother’s-guilt than a toodler on your lap turning your head (with both her hands) away from the lap top screen and back to her face.
I have been seriously considering a technology free day a week. No blogs. No twitter. No work. Just family. And really working at being present and staying in-the-moment.
I think you’ve just inspired me to give it a try. hmmm, can I start next week??
Love the technology free day, PJ. I try to make that my Saturdays and Sundays (with the exception that I can work during naptime if I absolutely need to but even try not to do that), but could really stand to create tech-free periods on the week days where it is supposed to be just Happy and me and I’m sereptitiously monitoring emails to make sure the sky hasn’t fallen (it never has). I make my body image students do a media free period every semester and they are always astounded at how much more imbedded technology is in their lives than they realized. Me, too. Let me know your kick off day for a tech free day and then how it goes (Ohh, blog post possibilities for you!).
I love reading about your house and neighborhood, because I practically grew up at my grandma’s house at Lake Norman, so I know the area fairly well. She used to take us into Davidson for fireworks in the summer, so I know how lovely the huge trees and beautiful little cottages are.
Glad to hear there wasn’t too much damage to your house.
I try and meet with my friends at least once a month – In July we are having a SPA PARTY!!! Massages, manicures, frozen margaritas and lots of bonding!
Yummo – and he’s got his eye on the best one too 🙂
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
We do a Game night.. not once a month or anyting but when we can get everyone together on the same night.. Drinks, snack but mostly we just laugh.. A Good time is had my all 😀
I just recently took on the questionnaire, too. Unlike you, though, I only answered 10 questions.
This is one of my favorite section in Vanity Fair.
I’m so glad to hear you are all okay and that the house can be repaired.
I can’t WAIT to sink my teeth into these books this summer! Thank you for compiling such a kick ass list. xoxo
Thank you! Subtle messages are hard to notice. We must be diligent in noticing and combating them!
If you want the ultimate Orwellian dark side of how far female body image obsession can go you have to read SPA by B.F. Camis – It will knock you out.
Losing the dreaded weight that needs to go!!
wow ~ I love this idea of keeping your goal in front of you! In my business, we teach our consultants to keep your goals visible so you will strive for the next step ~ the visualization ~ the sense of pride when you add a ring ~ and the accountability you hold yourself to. Guess what I am doing?! TODAY, I am creating these bracelets for me and my entire unit of women to help them achieve their goals! Thank you, Rosie!
I am thrilled you wanted to share this idea with your blog followers. I love my bracelet and hope others will get inspiration from the idea to achieve all sorts of goals. Thanks, Rosie!
LOVE THIS!!! Not sure how I’ll use it, but so many possibilities…training for marathon, triathalons…???
Try:
A Paris Wife by Paula McLain.
The Year we Left Home by Jean Thompson
The Lake Shore Limited by Sue Miller.
Wow… And if worth stopping for, worth also working for, speaking for, sacrificing for?
Yes, you are exactly right, Kessia, that stopping is really metaphorical, isn’t it? Every life is indeed worth working, speaking, and sacrificing for (and check out PJ’s comment, too).
I am reading Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford and really enjoying it and recently read The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton.
On the mom books I am reading Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey
and Glasgow, KY. I rode in two processionals there last year. I was so deeply touched by the tribute and respect.
It really is so touching and humbling; isn’t it, Ashley? Thanks for sharing!
This is such a beautifully moving post Rosie – thank you for sharing it again. My FILs funeral was standing room only. And I couldn’t think of a more fitting way to show what a beautiful man he was and how many people’s lives he enriched just by being.
And I would add that: I believe every life is worth fighting for.
Oh, that is really beautiful about your FIL, PJ. And, you are right, ever life is indeed worth fighting for… here’s to the good fight!
He really is just so divine. He looks like he’s taking just a lovely leisurely stroll through that beautiful garden (or was that just for that exact moment when he wasn’t racing??)
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
Ah, thanks, Cate. He was indeed strolling for once (which is oh, so rare). And that garden is one of my favorite places!
1. Because my children asked me to. 2. My children. 3. To be really present when I am with my children.
School holidays – it’s all about them 🙂
What a fantastic post! It sounds like you’ve really been through the wringer lately – I’m so glad to hear you’re finding your way through it, and being kind to yourself in the process.
I’m always up in my head. My body yells and yells and still doesn’t get a look-in. In fact I’m toying with the idea of doing the exact opposite to what my mind says. And this will probably allow me to do what my body wants since the two are usually at loggerheads. So in the spirit of doing the opposite; I’m hungry, I’m going to eat now 🙂
Beautiful! I really enjoyed this post.
LOVE this post!
I have been struggling with what I have termed extreme separation. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out of my head and back in my body. Two days ago I finally managed it, and the relief is extraordinary.
Your mantra is very timely and very wise. Thank you for the reminder!
Just thought I’d add a biblical perspective to this….it just came to mind.
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:10-12
Wonderful perspective, Angie. It brings up an important point which is that there really is no reason to be offended by one’s questions. It can be helpful to help someone consider his or her own question with the “why do you ask?” (and I always say this is a very gentle, curious way and not a combative one because there really is no point to be combative) question, but being offended keeps you from being your best you and puts you in a place that’s more negative than expansive. Thanks for that reminder!
awww, too cute! I’ve just been reading Heidi to my girls so have new affection for the humble goat 🙂
have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
I was recently asked this question exact question (in relation to my child’s very very blonde hair) – but I have the advantage of having absolutely no idea what the answer is! Probably english, or scotish – but really couldn’t tell you what my heritage is. So that kind of killed the conversation 🙂
Integrating both is really the key isn’t is? But ah, those first three present such a challenge for me to even contemplate.
I am (oh so slowly) becoming convinced that these are things I will need to at least try however. And am gradually coming around to the rather unnerving opinion that everytime I think a B&W thought like “I can’t do that”, I’m wrong. That thinking is wrong not just for the reason that of course I can do anything I set my mind to; but also because it is usually the voice of doubt in my head that is purposefully throwing up obstacles in my way – so I need to do the opposite! No matter how scary that might be.
But I *love* the idea of a labyrinth. And spending time outdoors – I can’t get enough of that 🙂
Rosie,
My heart goes out to you. So many choices with all their variables make ones’ head spin. Being in the tail end of our first (and almost definitely only) adoption, all I can offer is a hug and an thoughts for a peaceful resolution.
Ah, thank you, Tami. I’ve grateful for your thoughtful wishes. We’ll have to share our stories one day. All my good wishes back to you as the next part of your journey unfolds!
Rosie,
Oh this spoke to me. We too, talked about adoption as a part of how we would build our family–before we ever got married. And so for us, adoption was a first choice. I hope daily that it was a liveable choice for our birthparents, since they gave us a gift beyond describing. Thanks for this!
Ann
It was always my first choice as well. I knew long ago that I would adopt! Thank you for speaking for those of us who knew our children were some where in the world.
Rosie, I LOVED it last year (it’s hanging on my “clothesline” you gave me at work) and I LOVE it this year. SO SWEET!
That’s a beautiful story, Rosie!
It’s shocking, and ignorant, that the book frames adoption as only ever not a first choice. Even in those cases where infertility or other factors precipitate the decision to adopt, I think it’s simplistic and inaccurate to classify it in absolute terms as “nobody’s first choice.” Adoption may or may not be the biological parents’ first choice, and is always a difficult choice, but I don’t think that “second choice” accurately describes the feelings of the majority of adoptive parents. None of the adoptive parents I know feel that their family is second-best. The very idea is absurd and suggests an unexamined biological essentialism; however well-intentioned the author, this statement is erroneous.
Maybe the author is speaking from a place of fear for his/her own child feeling second-best, which is more understandable. S/he should still revise the line in any case.
Jenny,
What a lovely post!
Yes, I know that scene from ‘The Lovely Bones’ very well – so beautiful!
Thanks for sharing this – will have to remind myself to do it!
Sarada x
Rosie,
I’m a renowned sex coach and certified sexuality educator with a successful practice in NYC (www.igniteyourpleasure.com). Your book is a valuable tool to help empower women and help them love the skin they’re in! Thanks for the amazing resource! If you’re ever in NYC and want to do a workshop together, let me know.
~Amy
I love this post! “Scales are for fish, not people” is my new mantra. While I am always working to be healthier I often find myself using my weight as self judgment. Thanks for the reminder that the number is a measure of my weight not my worth.
I too read this book and was equally struck by that line. It was hard for me to continue. It made me a little mad but also sad for this author that she would see adoption as a 2nd choice. Adoption was always our plan, so I didn’t relate as a adoptive mother.
Also, we have the privilege of knowing our birth mom and while it was a very hard choice for her to make, I think she would say adoption was her “first” choice because it was the right choice for her and her babies. Certainly if her circumstances were different her first choice might have been different as well, but she didn’t make her decision lightly and I think calling her decision for adoption a 2nd choice is belittling the love, thought, and time she put into her decision.
Love it!!! Brilliant advice – especially for all readers of twitter 🙂 There’s a lot of crazy getting bandied about out there that I’d just love to set straight. But I do know better. And now I have the best phrase to remind myself why I just mustn’t go there!!
Awesome post! I met Kate at a Geneen Roth retreat and ever since have subscribed to her blog, which I enjoy tremendously! I am proud to say that I haven’t weighed myself in over two years…it’s been a liberating experience on many levels.
Love love love it! I’m a first reader, and I love how crazy fast talk it seems, it was like you were just there talking to me, trying to give me as much information as you could….just like I try to do so many times….but maybe it’s just me and my bad english?!?! lol, I’ll enjoy reading you more for sure!
he is so beautiful!
My my my, this is really impressive how my situation and my view of discipline looks like what you wrote in here! I was able to put more pleasure time in my schedule: reading, writing, creating… I didn’t realize it was discipline too, and that I could do it the same way for all my eating/moving/health matters.. I resist that kind of discipline, but Discipline = Freedom. So, so true! With just a little more discipline, I could be happy with the way I treat my body, I would be free of regrets and ”I should have done this instead”. Thank you so much for opening me to this pure wisdom!
love you
“And I don’t do hostage taking. Nope, not at all.”
hilarious!
Thanks for commenting, Heather. I continue to need the reminder, as well! And Karen, good for you! What an example you are!
Oh my!
I’m going to be thinking over this for weeks.
Oh that face is so divine! What a beautiful photo 🙂
Have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
lol Love this.. SO… Im making t-shirts ;-D
I certainly admire the great work that you have done, and it will
certainly enlighten myself as a jewelry designer.
love love love this idea! tracking & reminding to give yourself sunshine every day is so necessary. ♥
Thanks so much, Sui. The Sunshine project is a great little tool for me to pull out when I’m feeling down. Hope it has added sunshine to your days, too!
My psychological energies have been otherwise tied up, but I think I need to make space in my own life for reflection on this topic. I’m at the very tail end of my masters (I already marched, actually), preparing to start my PhD studies a year from now, and there’s much to be done to prepare! Deciding on doctoral studies meant resigning from my very awesome job in my very awesome home state and moving into my in-laws’ house. It also meant taking on multiple jobs, all of which are interesting and which on paper sound great… but my heart just isn’t in them… or in my writing… or in my research… or in anything, really.
Enthusiasm is a great gift, and I’ve been missing mine lately. Looks like I need to find my missing piece!
It took all the abdominal strength that I have to stifle my laughter in the middle of this dusty old library.
I love this story. So much.
I hope sometime, someone somewhere blogs about the weirdest wedding gift they ever got…
So happy to make you smile, Kessia! And while it would be awesome (or even more humbling) for the poor, gipped couple to make themselves known, I love the idea of asking people what their weirdest wedding gift was- I bet that would be a hoot of a question!
That is so hilarious! It’s a wonderful story; I am still smiling.
Ohhhhhh Myyyyyy Lawwwwd! That is hilarious! Still cracking up over the dime in the couch story too! I can picture you both jumping up and down in joy! Hey-maybe their hammock is still in the garage as well and they don’t know! Be happy you at least got the hammock part!
a friend once told me “don’t wrestle with a pig; you’ll just get covered in sh!t, and the pig likes it.”
manY times i’ve caught myself starting to engage crazy and stopped myself by internally yelling “WOMAN, YOU’RE WRESTLING WITH PIGS!” i’m grateful to have new vocabulary for the same idea to employ when talking myself down from the crazy-engaging ledge.
Crack me up about your (internally) yelling at yourself, “Woman, you are wrestling with pigs.” Hope that you mostly get to avoid the crazy but glad this can be useful if crazy tries to snare you.
That is hysterical!!! I love it! I accidentally regifted to my own kid-Tim told me his office Xmas party was a white elephant gift exchange, when in actuality, Santa gives out [provided] gifts to all of the children. Did not go well with the 3 year old, especially since I picked something he didn’t particularly like to play with the first time!
Rosie, I love this rule! Wish I’d heard it long ago! Also love the “wrestling with pigs” idea! Good advice on both counts!
Happy is so beautiful!
Stop it. No way!! I thought I was a few months behind on blog reading, but that pic makes me feel like I have missed YEARS! A boy. BOY! No longer a baby. He’s amazing.
This is one of my favorite ways to spend free time–I love the two-lane roads and the non-chain restaurants. When our family did a two-week trek to the Grand Canyon and other national parks in that part of the world, our goal was to not eat at a single national chain. We almost made it–a desolate stretch through Wyoming with nothing but a Subway broke us. 🙂
Thanks for making me think about whether or not I’m going the extra two miles in other areas of my life!
OH My GOD!! “Cheeeeeeeeeeese” i Love it!!.. Luke has that same “cheese” face.. Ill email it to U
There are so many things I would love to do – unexpected and exciting things. But I find it so hard to break from my routine that I know opportunities are passing me by. I need to start saying ‘yes’ more often 🙂
It was a great Tweet chat! Can’t wait for the next one!
love this. it was such an inspirational chat – GOOD WORK. xo
Love @mmarzipan comment – “giving myself license to take up space” and yours Rosie “frees u from everyone elses standards”.
Amazing comments from everyone – can’t wait to read more 🙂
Thank you so much for hosting this chat! It was a fantastic hour to spend talking about radical self acceptance and meeting new friends along the way!
It was a great Twitter party! I was so happy to “meet” you and the other phenomenal women. This really resonated with me: “@PinkCrowStudio being as kind, tolerant and forgiving to myself as I am to other people” I feel like I take great care to be compassionate to people (and animals!) but am not sure how often I take that same care to be compassionate to ME. Much to consider!
That was my first Twitter party, great job!
this is amazing! i was so sad to miss it – can’t wait to read more on twitter!
did you see this article? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp i mentioned to my facebook cronies that the same guidelines work for “big girls,” i.e. adult women. but i suspect that the same might be important for little boys, too, as you say. and it doesn’t have to mean walking on eggshells. it simply means changing our perspective to look first at one’s heart and soul, rather than one’s body. okay, maybe not “simply,” but not all that “complexly” either.
Oh, isn’t that post just fab, Kate? And you are right, it totally applies for big girls and boys of all ages, too. Love the phrasing- changing our perspective to look first at one’s heart and soul, rather than one’s body. Beautifully said.
Wow – Rosie! Seems like a great conversation to have been a part of, sorry that I missed it. The one that resonated the most with me was “self acceptance means finding joy in your own company, even when you’re not so fun to be around.” Thanks for sharing with us non-Twitter folks.
That one really resonated with me, too, Joanne!
What a beautiful post. I’ve just relocated to a new continent and exploring my new city and country is, like Ann said above, my favorite way to spend time. I’ve stumbled upon the most quaint and special places because of this. I too need to apply this idea to other areas of my life though and say ‘yes’ more often to new friends and opportunities. By the way, I discovered you through See Beautiful.
How exciting to be in a place where so much is new, Lindsay. I imagine it must be pretty thrilling to the senses. Glad you found me and look forward to hearing more about your adventures!
This is precisely why you’re our See Beautiful of the month. Getting to read how others were empowered was simply inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Lydia- for both the compliment and the honor of being a See Beautiful. The pleasure is mine!
Rosie~ I commend you! I love your blogs and I will go out and buy your books. I have needed the inspiration you have captured in each of your writings. Thanks a bunch~ Never realized the little girl, who was my sister’s friend, Yvette Sepulveda Gerlach, would ever teach me sooo much about my self acceptance in this crazy world we live in. The Sunshine project will be my focus for this week just to remind me that there is happiness in all I do each day of my life. Thanks again friend your the greatest!
Aw, thanks so much, Yvonne. And who knew that my friend’s beautiful big sister would ever pay me such a lovely compliment? I’m honored. Enjoy your sunshine project!
Is it just me or he suddenly looking so grown up?
Such a great pic 🙂
Have a great weekend Rosie
xxxCate
Love this! Indeed, Aleigh and Rosie are both beautiful and inspiring women to us all. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Kelly! 🙂
This is a fantastic list! I can take your class virtually! 🙂 I’ve read (and loved) The Beauty Myth but just downloaded The World has Curves to my Kindle. Anxious to dive into it!
I’ve gotten most of my “scary cosmetics” info from Aleigh and love that the product line I’ve been using for years for skin care (Philosophy) is on the “OK” list! Have also made the switch to sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner and planning on giving organic hair color a try (would love recommendations on that, Indigo + Canary!). All of my makeup products are organic – I read a statistic that women consume over 10 lbs of lipstick over a lifetime…if your lipstick has lead in it, that’s pretty scary.
Thanks for the reading list! I’m checking them all out and will be adding many/most/all to my “to be read” shelf. Maybe during the course you can have another twitter party…one with your students, and those of us who are interested in the topic can witness and/or participate to learn a bit more through that dialogue.
Oh, I love that idea, Carrie! If I seem to forget come mid-September, just poke me for a reminder. I think it could be a really fruitful conversation!
Rosie…check out “Women’s Reality” by Anne Wilson-Schaef (http://www.amazon.com/Anne-Wilson-Schaef/e/B001H6RZ90/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0).
I read it in college (’91) and really got a lot out of it…unfortunately, I think I just donated my copy with a bunch of other books as I was trying to reduce my bulging library!
Sadly, I can’t remember a lot of details on this, but it may be worth a look!
Your class looks great! Wish I could sit in!
Hi Rosie,
I like the Beautiful You book that features the voices of hundreds of Latina women who grew up in the United States and navigated issues of gender, image, and sexuality. Thank you so much for writing this great book!
I want to be a part of the class! I’ll be purchasing several of these soon. Thanks for the list, Rosie. Your students are so lucky to have you!
Thanks for including Reality Bites Back in your list. Will they be reading the whole book, or if just excerpts, which chapter(s)? I ask because I would love for your students to engage with some of the critical analysis re. gender and race, some of the overarching discussion of media economics and the influence of advertising and product placement, and then move on to the “what we can do” piece, which takes them beyond content analysis to critical media literacy and media activism. I know that whole books aren’t always taught, and I completely understand that. But if there are ways for your students to get a little of each of those topic areas, that’d be great. If your students have questions, they can contact me through http://www.realitybitesbackbook.com
You can also find articles about women and news media in my archives on Women In Media & News’s website ( http://www.wimnonline.org ), essays by many of our bloggers at WIMN’s Voices ( http://www.wimnonline.org/WIMNsVoicesBlog ), and my archives from back when I was the women’s desk director at FAIR, and Laura Flanders’ pieces when she held that post before me, and several of Janine Jackson’s pieces for them as well ( http://www.fair.org).
Additional books — a bit older, but extremely relevant, especially for an understanding that the issues we’re currently struggle with have historical relevance (and are slow to change):
* Real Majority, Media Minority by Laura Flanders
* Backlash by Susan Faludi
* A variety of books on women and media policy by Carolyn Byerly
* If you want international perspectives, you should check out the work of Ammu Joseph from India, Maria Suarez Toro in Costa Rica, and others (let me know if you’d like more international references)
You may also want to check in with fellow profs who teach courses on women and the media, including Jamii Claibourne in Iowa, Melanie Klein in California, Shira Tarrant in California, Jennifer Smith in Tacoma, Washington, and profs who include media in their gender and race studies courses, such as Melissa Harris Perry (formerly Princeton, now New Orleans).
Please let me know how the class goes.
Hello Jenn! Thanks for these great additional resources. I’ll check them out- especially the archives! As for RBB, we’ll be reading the whole book over the course of the semester as we touch different themes. And I’ll definitely send your speaking information with my department as they plan upcoming events.
Thanks so much!
PS: Forgot to mention, if you think your school would be interested in an event on these issues, let’s talk. ( See: http://www.realitybitesbackbook.com/lectures-workshops/ and http://www.wimnonline.org/analysis/lectures.html )
Honored that you’re assigning the whole book! (And I’m sure my publisher will be happy, too. When you write a book extremely critical of corporate media, you don’t usually expect to get a lot of corporate media attention — meaning that courses like yours are the way the book will stay alive in the long term.) I just noticed another commenter above suggested a Twitter party for the course. That’s a great idea. I can’t promise I’ll be available on the day or days you choose to have it, but if you want to coordinate with me in advance, if it would be at all helpful for your students, I’d be happy to join for an hour or two on Twitter some time in the fall. @jennpozner is my handle there. What’s yours?
Jenn, Isn’t that Twitter party idea fabulous? I’m thinking an interesting theme might be about the power of our media choices, what decisions we’ve made given our personal media literacy experiences, what recommendations/ observations we can share with others. I so apprecaite your willingness to possibly join the conversation. I’ll keep you posted on that as we move forward. I’m @rosiemolinary on Twitter. I’ve enjoyed following you on Twitter, and- full disclosure- I’m also a Seal author.
LOVE THIS FACE!
Ps you have mail en route for the (almost) birthday boy!
oh my. what a perfect, fitting post. i, too, am wondering what in the world i am supposed to be doing with my life, my degree, my “call.” i am wondering what i am supposed to demand and what i am supposed to accept, for what i am supposed to settle. i am wondering all of these things with little flexibility and a crappy economy. and i want gps. but i recently started a 21 day meditation challenge, and though i know that is a tiny step – albeit in the right direction – i’m trying to be open to what answers it might bring. the waiting is the hardest part!
booyah. that’s all. 🙂
Precious! Must have been that “Going to Bed Book” 🙂
Amazing! Simply amazing! These are words that every woman should embrace and put into practice! Too much time is spent hating and rejecting our bodies. We need to accept and love ourselves unconditionally and focus on the positive, instead of the negative. Thank you for such a meaningful post!
What a incredible moment. I think this little one has a big and bright future ahead of him. He’s got a pretty great jump start on life with the stories, characters, and imagination that surround him now.
Thank you for sharing your family’s beautiful adoption story! I have a younger brother via international adoption (Ukraine). There is nothing quite like meeting someone and knowing that you have always loved them.
Congratulations (and happy birthday, too).
Oh, Ashley, that is so beautifully expressed! Thank you for sharing!
What a wonderful post Rosie! I think, like most things, sometimes the magic is in ‘who’ we tell. Your friends that questioned your dream to help extended you to think about the practicalities and to really energise you, was a powerful gift. An answer of ‘gee Rosie that sounds neat’ would not have been nearly as valuable.
Often if we are afraid to voice our dreams it’s probably because we just haven’t found the right person to tell yet. If the last few months has shown me anything, it’s that finding the right people to talk to, and not to force it with the wrong people, is paramount.
PJ, What a powerful, spot-on point. You do have to choose wisely who you share with– I guess the question becomes, “do you feel apprehensive about sharing because of you or that person?” If it’s that person, then maybe he or she isn’t the right person to share with (and begin to make sure you have the sharing type of people in your life while maybe pruning the non-sharing people- as much as possible).
Your comment reminded me of this passage that I love from a Stephen King short story:
The most important things are the hardest things to say.
They are the things that you get ashamed of,
because words diminish them—
words shrink things that seemed limitless
when they were in your head
to no more than living size when they’re brought out.
But it’s more than that, isn’t it?
The most important things lie too close
to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks
to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away.
And you may make revelations that cost you dearly
only to have people look at you in a funny way,
not understanding what you’ve said at all,
or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried
while you were saying it.
That’s the worst, I think, when the secret stays locked within—
not for want of a teller— but for want of an understanding ear.
Stephen King
Different Seasons
(The Body)
Here’s to having people we can share our secrets with in our life!
Wow, Rosie! This may be my favorite blog yet! Not because you mentioned me…altho’ that’s very nice… But because I’m about to head home from a very special weekend at our cabin with some very special people. A dream I thought if for years without ever really thinking it could come true – spoken or not! So thank you- for giving me a lot to think on, as well as a dose of courage to speak up (when the time is right and to the right listener)!
” I Choose” by India Arie is often in my head.
Oh, I don’t know I choose, and I LOVE India Arie. Going to look it up! Thanks for sharing, Jenn!
Well, Rosie, the Stephen King passage is new to me but the Oriah Mountain Dreamer piece and the Mary Oliver poem have also been touchstones for me.
Here’s another favorite, which — like a similar song from Chumbuwumba! — has helped me through some of my most difficult challenges; it’s from Clarissa Pinkholm Estes:
Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
Lift your heart toward heaven like a hungry beggar,
Ask that it be filled and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven-only you.
It is in the middle of misery that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening.” (from Clarissa Pinkholm-Estes)
Oh, that’s beautiful and poignant, Deborah. Thanks so much for sharing!
Love it!! Ill be watching this a few times (Ok a few 100 times) today and over the weekend ;-D
********HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY!!!********
Such a great collection of photos to show him growing, learning and loving! Happy 3, Happy!
I love it! Happy Happy Happy!!
SOMEONES BIRTHDAY IS TODAY…ALLELUIAH!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAY….ALELU-UIAH.
What precious precious memories!
Congrats Mama and Papa Bear!!!
P.S.We have been told by the powersthatB that we are recieving a baby from Colombia this year!!!4yrs gone 4 mths to go!!!xxRosa
Oh, I am so, so happy for you Rosa. Abrazos y besos a todos!
My default is definitely happy and friendly. But true, at the moment it needs a little tweaking…but working on being a more authentic me is helping me to relax and learn what is really important. And that is helping me find my happy again 🙂
This is so lovely. I completely agree that life keeps handing you a lesson until you learn it, and self-care is right up there at the top of mine! I’m currently re-learning this lesson yet again as things have gotten very stressful recently with a family illness (and I just came down with a cold/stomach bug). My new mantra is more stress = more self-care!
Oh, I love more stress=more self-care. Great mantra, Anna! Thank you for that important message!
Love this post!
I saw the bit about life handing you a lesson until you learn it on Twitter and knew I had to read this post.
The lesson I’m learning now as the result of hip problems is that I simply can not sit at my desk as much as I have in the past.
This, of course, has come to my attention in the past as I’ve started to have problems with my hip. But now, after an injury and some walking problems this summer, it has become clear to me that everything they say about sitting being bad for you is true. I have to change.
So my prescription for self-care: stand and move!
I am writing this now from a standing desk I made by putting my daughter’s little Pottery Barn Kids mini desk on top of mine.
Great post!
Jennifer
Jennifer, I’ve had that same challenge with sitting for work. I went with a kitchen island from Ikea as my desk so I can easy stand (and the stool sitting seems to be less hard on the hips, interestingly). I love your solution! Good for you for taking care of yourself!
Thank you for the important reminder that we must take care ourselves. I really appreciated my friends’ ‘airline mask’ metaphor- when the masks drops, put your own mask on before we help others. Same goes for our life, if we don’t take care of ourselves, than we are not ready to help others. It is such a common issue especially among women. I hope you can work through this denseness with self nurture 🙂
You are absolutely right– if we don’t take care of ourselves, we really can’t help others. Here’s to some self-care!
Ah, yes– isn’t it wonderful when we find those words which not only illuminate our present but give light to our futures as well? Speaking understanding and ringing out in hope and expectation?
These words by George Croly have been among my most favorite from the time that I copied them onto a piece of paper and tacked it to my bedroom door as a 16-year-old >>
Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;
wean it from earth; through all its pulses move;
stoop to my weakness, mighty as thou art,
and make me love thee as I ought to love.
I ask no dream, no prophet ecstasies,
no sudden rending of the veil of clay,
no angel visitant, no opening skies;
but take the dimness of my soul away…
As chance would have it, on my way back from lunch today I was thinking about how important play is. I was remembering a scene from Gary Paulson’s book, Winter Dance, wherein he chronicles his adventures (and misadventures!) training for and running the Iditarod. In this memorable scene, he writes of watching several bison playing on ice. A bison would run up to the edge of the ice, then kind of belly-flop and slide out, stand up, bellow . . . and then another bison would follow suit. The object was very obviously to see who could slide the farthest. Similarly, one summer evening, I watched a herd of deer play tag. I could scarcely believe my eyes but I’ve played tag often enough to know what it looks like and these deer were playing tag!! So play was on my mind . . . and then I came back and found this blog post in my in-box. Think the Universe might be trying to tell me something!! Thanks, Rosie!! 🙂
So want to try stand up paddling!
I love the “theory that life keeps handing you the lesson you need to learn until you learn it.” idea. Some of us just keep having to fall into the same hole over and over again…
Your dilemma is often true for moms of young children…try to put yourself at the top of your list and take care of you!
I really enjoyed this post. It made me think of an old therapist I had who actually wrote out on a pad of paper “Massage 1x/month; 1 hour clothes shopping 1x/month” because those were part of my self-care plan. (I love massages and hate clothes shopping but was stressed out because I didn’t have anything that was fitting me right.) Having it actually written out on paper made it feel more official, and I’ve stuck to it for nearly a year now.
I love that your therapist did that, Autumn (and, PS, therapy has totally been on my prescription in years past!). I love the idea of clothes shopping as a possibility for the prescription. I hate clothes shopping, too, but love a fun outfit. But since I never go shopping, my fun outfit repertoire is lean. Maybe it’s time to add that to the list!
I absolutely love this!!! Good stuff!!!
This was beautiful – great reminders, thank you!
Thank you, Madeleine!
Rosie, I LOVE this post! How I wish I’d had you as a resource for the 8 years I had my troop of Latina Girl Scouts! I did my best without you but I’d have done a better job WITH you, I think!
Wow, your wellness prescription is so inspiring! I just made a note to myself to make my own list tomorrow, or this weekend. Tonight, I must concentrate on studying German. Though, learning German will certainly be on my wellness prescription, so I guess I’m already taking care of myself even though I never really looked at it that way. Thank you. Thank you for your lovely, articulate, and inspiring words. I wish you all the best with caring for yourself. As we say in German, “Pass auf dich auf” (Take care)!
Lindsay, Love that studying German is on your list. A little known fact: I was born in Germany (my dad was military). Such a beautiful country! Hope your prescription writing is filled with empowerment!
I found your blog through Medicinal Marzipan! This is beautiful! I’m a Health Rep in my dorm and if you don’t mind me I might want to share this concept with the people in my house.
Hannah, How cool that your dorm has a health rep. Where do you go to school? It would be my great pleasure if you shared it with your house. I bet there will be some fabulous prescriptions. And come back in October when I have readers virtually sign a Body Warrior Pledge (to win prizes)– that might be a meaningful house activity. Oh, and you also might be interested in the self-deprecation jar post (just search for it on my blog). All the best to you!
awww 😀
You’ve been awarded TWO Blog Awards: (1) The My Lovely Blog Award; and (2) An Inspirational Blog Award. See Beautiful selected your blog because you are committed in beautiful ways to helping women see the inherent beauty they possess. You are familiar with See Beautiful admiring your work through the choice of Beautiful You as one of our See Beautiful’s. This is our continued support of the wonderful, necessary work you contribute to society. Thanks for sharing that feeling with others. We hope you enjoy!
You can visit this link to collect your awards:
http://seeabeautifulworld.blogspot.com/2011/09/inspiration-knocks-but-it-doesnt-knock.html
I actually find running is very good for my creativity. I can let go of all the noise in my head and just let my mind wander. I find I think of all sorts of amazing and inspiring things I wouldn’t have come up with otherwise.
I also like your tip of setting small goals. This can be a stumbling block with me – to set my goals too big and then can’t start because I’m paralysed by the worry that I won’t be able to do everything perfectly.
I’ve actually just freed myself of a lot of extra pressures over the last couple of days and have been relaxing and thinking more creatively than I have in quite some time – which is very nice 🙂
Rosie,
Oh what a marvelous parenting win! I’m so happy for you. Thanks for the affirmation and reminder to cherish our rituals of connection. 🙂
Ann
Love that language, Ann, rituals of connection. Just lovely.
I say good morning beautiful to Isaiah as well and tell him I missed him when he was sleeping. The other night he had fallen asleep and then woke up a few hours later. He called me and said “momma I was missin you.” Again a teary moment!
And Abe is right he is beautiful. Hoping I get to see you guys again soon.
Jenn, Love that you wake Isaiah up the same way. That “I was missin you” story warms my heart. I’m drowning in back to school grading which I am finding most gets done on the weekends but I am hoping to right my ship by the end of this month. Fingers crossed!
Rosie, good on you!!! That is BIG!
One of my favorite moments on Oprah was when she was interviewing Toni Morrison and Morrison talked about how important it is to a child to know that he/she lights up the room for you.
From the Oprah.com site:
One of Oprah’s favorite lessons comes from Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison and the question she asked of all parents: When your child walks in the room, does your face light up?
“When my children used to walk in the room, when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up,” she told Oprah in 2000. “You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. But if you let your face speak what’s in your heart…because when they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see.”
Toni’s comment has become one of The Oprah Show’s most profound lessons and has touched the hearts of many viewers—including Gennece, who says that hearing Toni’s lesson changed her. “My daughter ended up dying of cancer,” she says. “And the last two years [of her life], every time she would come home—whether it was from chemo or a party or the grocery store—I would always say, ‘Niecy’s home! Niecy’s home!’ And she would get so excited. … That made a difference in my life. And now when children are in my space, it’s authentic that my eyes light up, because my heart lights up.”
After all these years, Toni has one more lesson to offer Oprah Show viewers: Everyone needs to have a place that is all theirs. “It’s just a place where it’s you,” she says. “It can be creative, it can be a computer, it can be anything. It’s your sacred place and you own it.”
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Greatest-Lessons-on-The-Oprah-Show_1/4#ixzz1XqMSEYjT
Love this, Kip. Thanks for sharing!
My mother is a morning person in a family full of night owls. She has a lovely, clear soprano voice and she used to wake my siblings and me with song. Two particular favorites were: Good Morning, Sunshine! and This Is the Day That the Lord Hath Made. As a teenager, I sometimes threw my pillow at her in frustration. But now? Being awakened with my mother’s voice and her cheery smile is one of my most cherished memories. Your son is as lucky to have you as you are to have him!
What a lovely way to wake up, Deborah! Those are cherished memories, indeed!
I love listening to other people’s stories. Or, in this case, reading about other people’s stories. It’s taught me, time and time again, that I am not alone. I love the waters, too although I don’t ride it. Maybe I should learn surfing.
Surfing is really fun, Sheila! And I am with you- I, too, love hearing people’s stories. And, in fact, I think that is, in the end, what we all really want– to be heard. What a gift that you give others!
Oh, wow, Rosie! This piece made me breathe deeply during a stressful day. Thank you for taking me out on the board with you! I felt myself centering as you did. What do I do well? Hmmmmm. Theatre. I act, I sing, I write and I direct. When I’m directing, especially, time stands still for me. I always tell my actors that my job is to make them look good. Learning to watch people and play their strengths is as useful in life — as a manager, a teacher, a hostess — as it is in the theatre. Art feeds my life as surely as life feeds my art.
That is a really incredible gift, Deborah. What a joy for those who are touched by it and you!
It is a very good question, because it really does make you think. You could just say ‘fine’ but you’d still be thinking about it for a while after 🙂
I actually like my body, my shape. I’ve always felt I was lucky to be naturally slim, reasonable tall and nicely in proportion. My body carried three very large babies with relative ease (ouch). My stomach is stretched from the pregnancies, but I’m happy to just conceal this with one piece bathers and still get in the water at the beach every summer. I like my arms because they are strong and lean and have well defined muscles. And although I wouldn’t mind slimmer thighs they allow me to run fast, and for long distances. My joints don’t ache and I’m flexible enough to touch my toes (just).
But that’s the outside. The appearance side. Not the side I actually have to take care of and nourish. The inside I do not treat with the same kindness and respect that I should. I don’t listen to it and I don’t respect it’s needs. But I try to use my love of running, my desire to increase my energy levels and decrease my stress levels as motivation to allow my body to receive the fuel it requires to work effectively.
Love your response, PJ, and how your journey is bringing you to that place where you care for all of you.
PJ, I love that about being out running or walking, too. There is actually creativity research that shows that having your body/ mind slightly engaged in something is the best way to hit a eureka moment– the movement/ activity is just enough that it turns the filter off in your head but not so much that it is too absorbed to let other ideas come to light. It’s why so many aha moments come while showering, doing the dishes, driving, walking, etc. Isn’t that fascinating?
I am a perfect replica of my mother’s body, but in petite proportion. The long torso, the long neck, the long arms, the small chest and flat stomach, the tiny waist– and then all of this sloping outward into broad hips, sturdy legs, dense calves, and strong and flexible ankles into able feet.
My face? I owe that to my Norwegian grandmother. But my body is all my mother.
I’m so glad she gave it to me! I have to put up regularly with rude comments about my size and it’s impossible to find clothes that fit me off the rack, but my favorite part of my body is that it works! and it’s mine! When I looked around and realized that “woman” came in very different shapes that somehow revealed to me that mine was its own type of beautiful. I’ll never walk a runway, but I have a wonderful, laughing time chasing wildlife in my backyard and racing my husband to the grocery cart.
Love how your mirror the women in your life, Kessia! And you are right, we are all our own type of beautiful! Chase, race, and laugh on!
Thank you for this, Rosie. Why is it so easy to see the beauty in others and so difficult to see it in ourselves?
When my sister graduated from high school, I gave her a photo album of pictures of us accompanied by quotes. On the last page, I have a picture of us from when she was born. My dad and I are looking down at her like she is this wild, surprising miracle. On the page beside it I included the quote, “My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are,” by B.A. Billingsly. Not sure who he or she was, but they were certainly on to something. That picture now hangs in Anne’s bathroom. Fitting, I think.
That was a wonderful article/post. Thanks for sharing!
I’m a new reader of your blog and I noticed that you had 37 items in your list and that one of them was to read 37 books. I’ve been finding a powerful resonance in the number 37 recently, myself — I’ve been posting lists of “37 things I love right now” on my blog the last couple weeks — so I am curious if there’s a particular significance to 37 for you too.
I made a list of 100 things to do this year, at the beginning of the year…and item #100 was “Accomplish 50% of the things on this list”. 😉
Oliver, I just went and checked out your blog for a second— and I love it. I’m going to check it out more but I wanted to answer you. 37 is related to my age– every year, I write a list on my birthday of a number of things (corresponding to how old I’ve just turned) to before my next birthday. So this year’s list was 37. That said, my favorite number is 87. So I think I love uneven numbers in general and 7 in particular. And your #100 on your list makes me so happy– that’s TOTALLY brilliant. Look forward to hearing more from you and reading your blog, too!
Rosie, this post made me cry. I remembered all the beautiful women in my own family who lived and thrived into their 90s and even beyond. My Aunt Maude made it to 103 — and you can read about her here [I never like to miss an opportunity to introduce folks to Aunt Maude!] http://debbiescribble.blogspot.com/2010/04/guts-and-gusto.html and my Aunt Mabel died just a few weeks short of her 101st birthday. Then there was Aunt Dorothy, Aunt Lydia and my gorgeous Grandmother who taught me “Handsome is as handsome does.” Not one of them ever graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition but when I think of them, I remember the way they lit up any room they happened to grace with their kind hearts, sharp minds and good humor. Each and every one of them was beautiful, just as your friend, Miss Odessa was. Thank you for sharing her with us and reminding me yet again of what’s truly important and who I want to be.
Okay, the one that jumped off the page for me was Trapeze School!! Awesome list, Rosie! (And a P.S. to Oliver — #100 on your list IS a stroke of genius!!)
Loving: All the pumpkin fragranced products in the stores right now! From candles to hand sanitizer!
Noticing: How everything is starting to fade. Fall is upon us!
Appreciating: Time spent with family and good friends.
Anticipating: Big changes on the way.
Looking: For a good fit.
Thinking: About way too much!
Enjoying: Time to spend doing all of the above!
Wishing: For things to fall into place well.
Welcoming: Fall weather.
Oh, Kip, and I love eating pumpkin all fall. Yum. I’m wishing, too, for all those pieces to fall just perfectly for you!
I added [ACCEPTING] and [LISTENING] to mine…
[LOVING]: my new blog header. crossword puzzles. simple acts of kindness. the sounds of the washing machine and dishwasher. chocolate chip cookies. experimenting with new relationship approaches with my body.
[NOTICING]: changing seasons. what water really FEELS like. light and darkness, literal and metaphorical.
[APPRECIATING]: the texture of spaghetti. a week of relative solitude. singers with passionate, soulful voices. acupuncture.
[ANTICIPATING]: finding out whether i will get a job offer that i’m really hoping for. figuring out the last theme clue in the crossword i’m working on. seeing whether i will really do all the things on my to-do list today.
[LOOKING]: for connection. at how much more pleasant the world is when there are lovely colors. into the fuzziness of future.
[THINKING]: about how fucked up our species is and what we might do to redeem ourselves. about how we can still create so much beauty even as we create so much violence.
[ACCEPTING]: my body and all its quirks. the not-knowing of anything beyond right-now. enjoyable sensations in my body.
[ENJOYING]: food. friendship. writing. solitude. music. reading.
[WISHING]: for a house elf to clean up after me. for my busted ankle to get better. for good news about the job i want.
[WELCOMING]: my muses. my passion. nourishing words, sounds, friends, dreams. a healthy relationship with my body and with my bank account. suitable weather for leaving all the windows open.
[LISTENING]: to: ed sheeran, sarah maclachlan, mike doughty, sarah bareilles, ingrid michaelson, songs i recorded when i was younger. to the sounds of my apartment. to the people riding and walking on the bike trail outside.
Just lovely, Oliver, and I really like your additions of accepting and listening. Lots of your phrases resonated with and inspired me. Good luck on the job front!
Oh my word, what a cutie!
Oh my Gosh, what an adorable little guy!! He looks like such a grown-up now!
YES!
I mean… no?
Well, YES to your post and NO to more obligation. This is exactly where I’m at in my life at the moment: totally, crazily busy and tired all the time, always feeling behind, and watching as (inexplicably!) my priorities get shortchanged each and every day. So… I’m looking for WIZGUMP (wisdom and gumption to know what needs to change and to change it).
I hope you get some wizgump too, Rosie! Keep saying YES to saying NO 🙂
Oh my goodness– I love that, Kessia. Yes, I am saying yes to Wizgump! Thank you for that fabulous phrase– it’s just catchy enough to pop right into my head when I am thinking about saying yes. Best wishes on your effort, Kessia!
Rosie, this entry gave me chills AND made me laugh at the same time. I love that you opened a book YOU authored and found just the words you most needed!! God the Universe is not only compassionate and specific but also has a sense of humor!! I also believe that we teach what we most need to learn. I’ve become remarkably good at saying “No, but thank you for thinking of me.” over the past few years. Even at saying, “No, I’m sorry but that won’t work for me.” without offering any explanation. It’s empowering and, like so many things, gets easier with practice. So far, the world hasn’t stopped spinning on its axis and I’m a little less stressed and a little more centered by the power of those two little letters: N-O. Always said with kindness and respect, of course. And I probably STILL say yes more than I should. But I’m getting better at thinking of saying No to someone else’s priority as a way of saying Yes to my own.
You are so right, Deborah. I laughed out loud when I opened the book to that page. Then I said, “Seriously?” And the universe answered “SERIOUSLY.” Love the idea of saying no to someone else’s priority as a way of saying yes to your own. Thank you for that very good language!
Oh, Rosie! This is a wonderful post! You have stated it so well… We all know about those boxes and we all have a tendency to place people in them – instead of just the toys, the books, the photos, the letters.
I was at my husband’s high school class reunion last weekend and I was thinking a lot about this very tendency. Noting how people had changed over the many years, (I was in the class right behind this one, so I knew many of these folks)I was surprised many times! And also – in some cases, not surprised! The “cool” people and some of the “wanna be” people have all kind of mellowed. And, because nature – and experience – changes us as we age, we all seem so much wiser! But we still tend to place people in those boxes!
I was talking with one woman and made a brief reference to Lady Gaga. And she immediately said, “Ugh!”. Something I guess we could expect from someone in the older generation, right? Look at Lady Gaga and her wild get-ups and immediately think, “Ugh!” But… take a moment to really listen to her lyrics, and think about her messages. And then, maybe… think, “Oh wait! She’s talking about people and our differences and accepting each person for who they are. Not so bad, maybe?”
It’s so hard to resist those boxes, isn’t it? And yet, so worthwhile when we can!
I said no today and it felt good!
My favorite pull-quote from this post:
“But here’s the thing. The desire for sorting things into boxes isn’t just born from a need to organize toys. It is a human desire to want to look at most things on their surface and give them a label—and we don’t just do it with inanimate objects.”
This is the essence of profiling and, whatever our political stance on the use of it by the FBI, police departments, airport security and the like, we need to check in with ourselves to see how often we casually profile others we encounter in our day-to-day lives; you describe it so well above.
Mark Twain once said that it’s important to take from a situation only the lesson that applies. As an example he noted that a cat who sat on a hot stove wouldn’t sit on a hot stove again . . . but wouldn’t sit on a cold one, either. The same is true for people; you can’t tell just by looking at them what’s cooking inside.
Ha! Adorable.
Wow. So beautiful it hurts. Thanks for sharing, Rosie.
Precious Sweetie Boy :o) Beautiful picture Rosie.
I pledge to feed my body the nutrition it needs to heal so I can be truly healthy in body and soul and get on with living rather than existing.
PJ
I want to change the inner dialogue in my head!
I love this Rosie — I sent the link out on Facebook and Twitter
I pledge to give my body what it needs to do its work well.
‘To let envy dissipate and allow admiration to be a source of compassion by offering compliments to others’.
I love this. Compliments for everyone!
I pledge to readjust my sails by thinking of my body as the vessel for going forward and enjoying all that life has to offer me – without judgement of others – or myself! All coaching welcome!
Kip DeForest
I love all of these pledges, but especially too be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
I signed the pledge in the book when I started my journey a few short months ago, but it is a pledge we need to read and re-read….commit and re-affirm over and over…at least I do. I am sharing this on my FB and Twitter! I wouldn’t mind winning, but in a sense we all win when we love and respect our bodies…the coaching is just a bonus!
I pledge to forgive myself for the harm I have done to my body and to start the healing process one day at a time.
COACHING!!!
I pledge to give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
This is exactly what I have been trying to put into words for some time now. Thanks! (and yes, please, on the COACHING entry)
I pledge to honor and listen to my body and to continue in the recovery I have worked so hard for!
COACHING!!!
I pledge to change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.
Rock on! I teach a yoga class the night before, I’ll mention it! Awesome!
Wow, this says it all for me..
I pledge to understand that my body is an opportunity not a scapegoat.
Bring on the evolutionary conscious awareness of women! x
Oh, and COACHING
So beautiful — as usual! I love how you highlighted the practice aspects of both yoga and self-acceptance. The two have certainly been inextricable in my life — from each other and from my own growth.
Agreed! They are intertwined in my experience as well. Beautiful post, Rosie!
Love this pledge!
The part that really hits the spot right now though is:
To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says to me (or I say to myself)something harmful.
I would be the one I need to worry about the most, goes with changing the inner monologue.
this hit home for me in so many ways!
I pledge to respect my body and mind.
To encourage myself with kindness and love and be gentle with myself every day.
To continue on my road to health and happiness without judging my body.
To nourish my body with good food and my mind with positive thoughts.
To love myself just as I am.
“To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.” Amen, amen, amen.
I need more Beautiful You in my life – and since I just finished my morning meditation series, I have the perfect time and space for it! Thank you, Rosie!
Oh, and COACHING!
Kate
I pledge to live!
Thanks, Rosie.
Alison
And what I meant by that was… I pledge to stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
“To change the inner-monologue in my head”. My concentration on possibilities over problems has begun.
This has been a long time coming. I just started my Beautiful You adventure. May it save me.
COACHING
Happy day all of you!!
Chris E
I pledge at the age of 62 to begin to love and accept my body for what it is and the gift it has been to me. To not allow others to tell me that I’m not beautiful and to try to erase all the negatives that have been fed to me over the years. God made me and he doesn’t make mistakes!
“To change the inner monologue in my head to one that sees possiblity not problems,Potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.”
I saw your segment on Charlotte Today. Thank you for your heartfelt comments about self acceptance
I hope it inspires us to love ourselves and treat our sisters, mothers, daughters, and friends with loving kindness.
Hello I saw you this morning on charlotte today
and I think is so cool about the body warrior Pledge
i really like that, i have a that problem there some parts of my body that i don’t like
specially after having 2 kids, but after seen you on the show talking about that it
really got my attention and i just wanna say thank you!
Maria,
Thanks so much for being in touch! Just think, your body gave you those two amazing babies and let’s you love and take care of them everyday. What a gift! I hope you’ll officially sign the pledge (look for it on the blog page). Take care of you! Abrazos, Rosie
This post left me in tears. For the past several years I have focused so hard on finding self-acceptance, not realizing that it is a continuous journey. I didn’t realize I was walking around thinking that self-acceptance is a destination until I read your words, “We want so much for self-acceptance to be a final destination, a place that if you put the work into arriving at, you can park in it forever.” I appreciated that you shared that self-acceptance is a choice that we must choose to make, and to return to it to keep moving forward. Thank you very much for this important lesson.
Sounds fabulous! COACHING!
Congratulations on the continued success of the book! Thank you for all of your hard work on behalf of women, espeially our young women! Can’t believe you will be in Jersey this week when I’m in Florida… maybe next time.
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth… Such an important commitment to keep in mind.
And COACHING!
I pledge to try and reverse my negative body image. To surround myself with people who will only bring me up and not put me down. To eat healthy and make sure I am getting good nutrients. To realize I cannot do everything and it is okay to say no sometimes. To realize I am BEAUTIFUL as I am.
Hi Rosie! I shared this on my blog today, too. I have a few meetings scheduled for Oct. 12 that might make it a bit of a challenge to go all out, but I’m going to go as bare-faced as I can! 🙂
OH, See Beautiful is ALL OVER this! Thanks for the inspiration. We’ll be featuring it on our blog with links back to you! Happy seeing beautiful!
You have a wonderful gift… I have seen almost all until I saw the wonderful job you do. Thanks for helping other women see for themselves that they are as beautiful as they were meant to be
I pledge to honor my body for its strength in growing and nurturing my daughter, not to worry about how much it has changed since pregnancy.
I’m in! I’m going to post this on Stop Chasing Skinny this weekend and see if others will join in on October 12, too! Still deciding but think at a minimum I will wear my glasses and not use any hair product. By the way, that Jamie Lee Curtis pic has been so inspiring to me. It’s one of the reasons I decided to just let me hair go grey. Liberating!
I’m in! And, I’ll probably post about it on my blog and link back to you, if that’s okay. 🙂
now that we have ruby at home, these are coming in so handy. i read them before we went and it is all so relevant now.
thank you for putting all this good information out there.
i pledge to be good to my body. to drive it when it needs to be driven and to give it rest when rest is required. it is the vehicle that has to get me through the next 50 years, and i won’t take it for granted.
i’ve been taking care of my mother who has MS, and am more and more appreciative every day for the bones and muscles that move, for the synapses that fire and respond, and for the ability to move with purpose through each day.
thank you for this.
… also… COACHING!!
I love this post, Rosie! It made me tear up and grin like a jack-o-latern at the same time!! Thanks so much for sharing it and the beautiful message with it as well!
I love this. I have a photo of me when I was five or six sitting on the top of my stairs and the smile on my face priceless. I glanced at this photo in the midst of intense yoga teacher training when we were being challenged to live our most authentic lives. That photo inspires me daily as i glance at it, it’s the reminder to live with that same innocence, exuberance and joy of a small child.
Oh, goodness! You brought tears to my eyes! I have always loved your daddy, and he has a special place in my heart!
Oh how I love your daddy and YOU! What an amazing gift this is for him…if I were to add a square it would be that he ALWAYS took the time to take us to get HOT Krispy Kremes (at the counter) after our candy striping for the week. He never said, “No” and NEVER told us to just eat them in the car, because it was late and he had already had a long day…and how can there be a quilt without one whole squared dedicated to his mischievous, contagious smile…a smile so similar to the one I see on Baby A’s face in all of his pictures….a smile that fills everyone who see it full of sunshine from within.
Yes. Just yes yes yes yes yes! This made me cry. SO beautiful, Rosie. I don’t think anyone would be able to read it without feeling the love you bear him. Thanks for sharing your wonderful father with all of us.
i think, you have to feel very lucky, because your papito is still with you. i know, what is it feels like to lost your father. mine was not so lucky. anyway, your text made me remembering him, and im getting started to feel the love in my heart. in a special way, he always will be with me.
oh, Rosie! What a wonderful memory quilt you’ve put together here! Made me cry and love your daddy too! What a lovely tribute!
I pledge to live by my new mantra: I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed. I may not have a perfect body or perfect habits, but who I am at my core is whole, complete, and good. When I believe this and live this, my body comes to its natural, healthy weight.
COACHING!
I pledge t no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
Thanks for this — and yes, please, for COACHING!!!
I pledge to love my body, to eat more nutritious foods. I am whole and complete just the way I am.
COACHING
Thanks for this. We lost our beloved cat last month and are beginning to think of adopting an animal again–this helps.
This pledge is awesome. They all resonate, but I really want to work on this one, so I pledge to stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
Please include me for COACHING!
I love this section of the pledge: To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body. #COACHING
This couldn’t be more timely-what a beautiful and inspirational gift, thank you! All of it is so relevant, but the part that really hits home is :
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
This has been the core of my spiritual journey for months now, and this is a fabulous reminder! I want to own my power and stand in the light of my grace as a mother, teacher, yogi, lover and friend! So happy to feel so inspired and connected here today!
COACHING would be amazing, thanks!
This all spoke to me. I need to work on so many of these things. But one spoke out a lot to me:To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body. I was doing so much better at this until I got pregnant. Now I’m out of control and not treating my body well anymore. I recommit to make a better effort to nourish myself (and my growing little one). (COACHING)
And just this AM I was kvetching about numbers on a scale and kvelling about how my new eye cream didn’t last more than an hour. Then I read this.
Thanks… I needed that readjustment 🙂 #COACHING
Rosie, what a lovely homily. Thanks so much for sharing it!!
What a powerful invitation. As we face a time of stress, I promise not to neglect my body, to remember that it carries me through each day.
And please include my entry for the COACHING! 🙂
I pledge to change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections…I need to remember that life is really, really good right now.
Please enter me for COACHING! Many thanks!
I pledge to nourish my body with the appropriate amount of food and to feed my brain with positive thoughts. I will listen to my body and give it rest if that is what it needs.
(COACHING)
Thank you! Gracias por compartir este mensaje tan bello. I will be teaching a yoga class with the theme, “Love Your Body” and this pledge is perfect. All my classes face away from the mirror so students can focus on what they feel in their bodies and listen to them. We already have the inner knowledge and power to nurture, love and take care of our mental and physical well-being.
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body!
~oliver/danni
Whoops, I meant to put COACHING! in that comment!
I love this post! Amen to loving our bodies exactly how they are and truly realizing how blessed we are to wake up every day in them. Your post is an inspiration. Excellent!
Dearest Rosie . . . you know that I often post comments on your blog. Sometimes mine is the first comment, even. But I’m late to this because it’s so difficult for me. I haven’t even been able to READ the pledge without crying!! BUT I AM SIGNING THIS NOW. I will commit to honoring each of these promises and, currently, am focused on the following, which seem to me to be kind of a package deal:
“To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
To understand that my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.
To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.”
Thank you, Rosie, for all you do. — Deborah
COACHING
thank you for this Rosie- as usual, you’ve delivered an inspirational, compassionate and important message!i think i will print this out and share this with my yoga class tomorrow evening. we judge our bodies far too much and this writing is such a good antidote.
I have the Beautiful you book, and I pledge to begin working on the exercises, and to love and honour my body RIGHT NOW.
~another Rosie M!
COACHING!
I should add that this:
“To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.”
Is the part I need to work on right now.
Beautiful Rosie,
What a blessing to have discovered so much excitement about my body by taking up dance with all of my passion. I fiercely commit myself to becoming a champion for myself and my body, especially to change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.
I would love the opportunity to win the COACHING grand prize!
Thanks so much for doing what you do,
Bonnie
Mrs. Rosie,
First off, you are an amazing teacher and I am very thankful to have been able to take your class this semester. Second, thank you for helping me (even if you think you didn’t do much) through this tough time. Your words meant a lot to me.
Anywho, I shared & featured you’re Body Warrior Pledge on my blog today! Check it out, I hope that you enjoy it! http://www.AshleiEliseblog.wordpress.com
I am pledging to be a Body Warrior and I hope that though some COACHING that I can help others sign the pledge and continue to love myself!
Thanks again
#dreamersUNITE
~AshleiElise
I love, embrace, and appreciate all you say in the Body Warriors Pledge.
I have struggled my whole life with despising my body, critical of myself each time I look in the mirror. When you write we need to embrace the body we have been given, valuing all it does for us, I am listening.
Thank you for writing the pledge. I am printing it our and posting it EVERYWHERE in an effort to change my mindset and love me for who I am
I forgot to write COACHING in my comment, as I know.I wil ned some support through my journey. Thanks for the opportunity and wonderful words of wisdom.
Love! this is perfect!
Aww He is such a big boy now.. still cute as ever 😉
Oh gorgeous boy!! What a divine pic 🙂
pouty face!! I really had my hopes pinned on a copy of Beautiful You!! (tee hee) Very lucky winners – and such a wonderful project. I really like the term Body Warrior. It’s very empowering 🙂
I just started working through your book yesterday, so I took the Body Warrior Pledge today. Amazingness, here I come!
This is a tough one because so many of these resonate with me! I think the most important one for me right now is this one:
“To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.”
~Chibi
I took the pledge. awe inspiring.
What a lovely way to pay homage to your father. I love the part when your father says that your little boy looks just like him. And the picture is worth a thousand words.
I’m in! I will happily track my beauty expenses AND make a conscious effort to spend more wisely. Thanks, Rosie! Deborah
I don’t even want to tell you what I spent at the salon Saturday! “Mirror, mirror, on the wall…”
I always liked Scarlett O’Hara’s approach! I’ll think about it tomorrow… Easy to say, right?
Oh, Rosie, I too am learning to not put my energies into worrying about things that are only possibilities in the distant future. Just talking to the hubby about this! I’m getting better, but do appreciate the post and your struggles…. prayers for peace and wisdom always!!!
– Mary
i was just reading a book about this…..I am a worrier and I spend a good chunk of time on future worries. Man did it shine a light for me. Glad you had a moment about it.
What a terrific post!
It’s a great idea to remind ourselves of what truly gives us pleasure. Think it’s something I’ll add to my Success Journal!
yay for weekly check ins!
white chili is a favorite of mine. i’ve got a recipe on my blog… i think i need to make it now. i’ve always done it on the stove top, i wonder how it would be in the slow cooker.
there is something about your baby’s laugh that triggers gut busting laughing in you too? man, she kills me.
xo
Okay I have a couple of closets that could use help! 🙂
Thank you so much for this! I love a good system, too, particularly a system that uses paper instead of high-tech tools. I need to write things down in order to remember them, plus I’m a teacher for whom the lure of new school supplies is always seductive. Your methods fit into my madness perfectly… muhahahahaha!
Ok, I’d love to see more organizing and time management posts 🙂 I am challenged in these areas…and I could really use some help!!! Thanks for posting this!!!!
This is wonderful and so true. I often struggle to make time for things that I want and need to do– but I seem to have endless time for watching Sister Wives on Netflix! Love the idea of a time margin. Thank you for this!
This was fascinating– I love hearing about other people’s organizational systems. For some reason, I find it to be completely engrossing. I’m in a weird space where my 9-5 work calendar is managed online, but I try to manage my personal calendar on paper and my blog calendar on a combination of paper and google calendar. It’s a hot mess! I need to streamline. I just can’t figure out what is the best way to go!
Does this count? It’s not warm and fuzzy by any stretch of the imagination and I wouldn’t have said it if I had been alone. I was once accosted by a table of 3 slightly drunk and very rowdy guys. My friends were ahead of me, and already through the door of the restaurant, when one of the guys grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back toward their table. “Hey, baby!” he said, “How’d you like a hard nine inches?” I pulled my arm from his grasp, stepped back and said, cool as a cucumber, “What? Between the three of you?” And then I walked away, with my back straight and my head high. (But once I hit the car I drove like the proverbial bat out of hell.)
Oh, Deborah, I LOVE it. I can’t wait to tell my students this story on Monday. Bravo, sister!
Yes, savor it. I have my pictures of my two boys playing in the pool, now that they are both working and a grown up man, I just miss those days even the little muddy trace in the fridge.
good god, that picture is amazing!
i love the idea of making a list of all the crap that doesn’t work. and visiting it frequently.
havi from fluent self has a dammit list and book of me and making my own has definitely helped me figure out what does and doesn’t work for me. such a great concept!
This is a great blog today, Rosie! I have 5 granddaughters who are all pretty much bad-ass! I’ll see what I can do to continue to encourage them to stay that way!
Hi Amada, so happy to know that I am not the only one who has to correct everyone who calls me amaNda. I got so frustrated growing up in upstate NY (1960’s and 70’s) that I told people my name was Lucy. When I was 19 yrs old I joined the coast guard and was stationed in puerto Rico. I quickly dropped the name Lucy and began using my real middle name Lucia. I never met anyone by name Amada in Mexico or Puerto Rico. I am Mexican married to a German and proud to be named Amada Lucia Hensel.
This is such a great activity for reducing stress – a strategy I have been using if my anxiety starts to ramp up. I find it helps me to slow everything back down again and stop my thoughts from racing off in directions I don’t want them to go.
Taste: sadly mine is only Sunday night fare – toasted cheese sandwich and coke zero
Hearing: two of my children playing in the next room. David Attenborough on the tv.
Smelling: nothing much, perhaps the toasted sandwich, but that’s about all. But the air is fresh and cool.
Seeing: my middle child and husband on the couch together watching the doco. Plants on the deck gently moving in the breeze
Feeling: quite amazed at the amount of coordinating of family and events I have managed this weekend without a hitch and wondering just how much I would be capable of if I was working without the constant distraction of my eating disorder
wishing/hoping: for my hard work to start paying off in an improvement in my feeling of overall health and energy.
What a great observation, PJ. It is a very grounding activity. Especially loved the observation of how much you are capable of… I hope you appropriately relish and celebrate that. Happy week, sweet friend!
Today,teenagers get unwanted pregnancy.Lack of financial for regular check-up, food to eat and lack of information for proper dealing about pregnancy.
Oh, Rosie! *Sigh.* Do you know even ONE woman who doesn’t — how was it a friend put it last night? — “work at the top of her lungs?” I don’t! That’s why posts like this one are SO SO important! We must constantly be reminded that we get 24 hours a day and seven days a week. We have to carve out time for the things that matter. Thanks for this. Very well said.
I love the intention behind this list. I can’t wait for #1
Isn’t #21 already so? And #22 is my personal favorite. :). Not that you’re asking….ha!
i haven’t ever done a birthday list, but i am starting mine now. 43 before 43. crap, i’m old! good news, i don’t feel old, but that list is going to be long.
i love the fact you get some stuff done straight away and that a lot of it is totally manageable. plus you can do stuff with your family. this list is so much less intimidating than others i have seen.
thanks for the inspiration!
xo
Deborah is exactly right – carve out time for the things that are important. Nothing more, nothing less.
I hope you’ll join in by sharing what you’ve been grateful for in that week when each weekly post pops up. With all of our collective count your blessings energy, we should all go into the holidays with a whole lot of warm and fuziness.
1. All the food I collected at the store today in preparation for tomorrow’s cooking shenanigans!
2. My friends, some of whom are coming to celebrate Thanksgiving with me!
3. My a cappella ensemble and how awesome we sounded this week in rehearsal!
4. People enjoying the food I make for them!
5. Being surrounded by soft, fuzzy purple things in my own bedroom and feeling safe in a space that is mine and only mine.
I love your #5! That sounds like a wonderful way to spend your birthday 🙂
Now for my 5 blessings…
1. four days (!!) of feeling my normal happy cheery confident self again. I haven’t seen her for a very long time, and I hope she hangs around!!
2. feeling confident enough to share something with my husband that was worrying me – and being able to let him help me.
3. my job – I love my job. It is so much fun!!
4. snuggles and hugs and kisses from my children who still want to hold my hand in public.
5. My eldest using our ‘secret questions’ book to ask me a personal question about herself. I really hope this continues so that in her teens if she has any really serious questions to ask me and doesn’t feel she can do it face to face she always knows she can write it in our secrets book.
I have a lot of blessing should i need to count..I cant tell it one by one..But for me that I feel very happy because I’m really blessed..
Such a cute little boy, children are such a treasure. I just miss the days when my two boys makes sunshine to our home. Now the silence of the surroundings is so noiselessly muted.They have their own life now. To you out there who got little kids, grasp every moment with them, in a split of a second everything seems to change and they flew away and find a nest of their own.
Movement always falls away first for me and yet when I make it a priority, I feel so much better.
Is there a way that you have let your own care go recently? I have been skipping the gym and instead using my Ruby-free hours to work online. Or mess around. Depends on how you look at it.
How do you anticipate claiming your care in December? I walked everyday this Thanksgiving week for an hour – first thing (my best time for walking) and I felt great. I am pledging to do this every day in December. My gym goal is 2 20 minute weight workouts PLUS at 1 soak, sauna, steam.
What is your favorite way to care for you? Yoga! Lucky me, I’ve signed up for a Yoga for Holiday Stress series, so I have 4 yoga dates this month. Also see above Church of Quiet.
Such a great idea! I may have to blog about it too. xo
So yummy! (And no calories, either!) Thank you, Rosie, for sharing this! It’s brightened my day!
such a great list!
you will recognize some of these on my list – posting on 12/1/11.
such a great idea.
December 1–I did Lectio Divina this morning and will be trying it every day for 30 days (maybe not always in the morning). Tonight I will go for a walk
December 2–I will do some yoga
December 3–I am going with my family to be extras (filling up a church) for a movie–seems fun
December 4–I will take myself to Starbucks in the morning and journal while I am there
definitely time to move to Charlotte I think 🙂
I am interested in finding out if there is a relationship with television viewing and health.Thanks a lot for sharing this to us..I really appreciate it..
Rosie –
Thx for sharing! Eager to chat!
And eager to collect data to expand our understanding Latina health.
“my soul was the gift I gave to the world”
This is such a beautiful post, Rosie. What an inspiration. I love that your teachers were Sheila, Harriet, Ramona, Pippie & Annie! I am glad you have a platform to share your message of what matters most. Thanks.
This was just great, thank you so much for sharing!
Reading and writing were (and are) my refuge, too. I remember librarians always saying to me, “You can’t possibly read all those!” and maybe I wouldn’t, but how could I know until I started?
We take our son to the library now, the continuation of my great family tradition.
<3
i love this post so much i think i want to marry it!
1. every time i do a media fast i am SHOCKED at how much free time i suddenly have. i always find the time to do the mundane tasks that get pushed aside for checking facebook and ALWAYS have such a sense of accomplishment when they are done. clearly i need to schedule another.
2. i go natural more often than not and not one person ever says i look better when i do where make up. in all honesty, i think i only look less tired.
3. claiming my care prior to baby – probably my #1 activity. wow, it’s so much harder with a baby. i do have a massage scheduled this week, so that’s progress.
4. right around when i turned 30 (almost 12 years ago!) i decided to stop being mean to my body by harping on my fat. i also started practicing yoga and found other people who aren’t into running themselves into the ground – such a nicer place to live.
great ideas!
thank you for this.
So wise and so true…really appreciated this. Go big. Find your passion and live with passion. Love big. Be present and patient and know that you are enough for whatever comes your way. Really wise and helpful Rosie. Nice work.
I love this: “If you wouldn’t say it to a child, don’t you dare say it to yourself.”
What a great word…and hey, wasn’t that Anna of Curvy Yoga’s word for 2011? 🙂
It was, Madeleine! I felt such synergistic energy when I learned that last week! Do you choose a word for your year? If so, I’d love to hear it!
Hey Rosie, that’s so cool that the word “wholehearted” came to you over and over again through your subconscious! That’s amazing! I love that word, too, actually, and I think about it a lot in terms of my ED recovery. I’m leaning towards thinking of a word or a verb to align myself with this year instead of a laundry list of resolutions I won’t accomplish anyway, haha.
Hannah, wholehearted is such a powerful word overall and it is especially meaningful when looked at throughout the lens of recovery. Love the idea of your choosing a word for alignment this year– that might be an especially positive and kind thing to do for yourself. Let me know if you do pick a word! Wishing you all the best!
If you haven’t already seen this video by Brene Brown. It is 20 minutes WELL WORTH spending: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0
Goes right along with your word, which is an awesome word, and authenticity is my word….a bit similar!
Jamie, Love Authenticity. It’s one of my very favorite words– because it is how I most want to be in the world. And thank you for making sure I knew about the Brene Brown talk. Someone turned me on to her last year and I am so grateful! I did love that talk.
Here’s to a year of living authentically!
I was THISCLOSE to choosing the very same word Rosie! But in the end, I went with PRACTICE 🙂 And I second Jamie’s recommendation of anything and everything Brene Brown!
Karen, I LOVED your post about practice and why you chose it– BRILLIANT (I was on my phone at the time and couldn’t easily comment to scream BRILLIANT AND INSPIRING like I wanted to). Here’s to a wholehearted year of good practice!
LOVE your vision boards! I’m all about them, too. I’ve been thinking I need to cook up a new one soon. I’ll send a pic your way!
What an amazing idea! I’m totally going to have a vision board party. Thank you for the inspiration! And thanks to Anna from Curvy Yoga for sending me here. 🙂
Alaura,
This year for the first time ever, I had a vision board party and I loved it. It was so, so fun! Can’t wait to hear about yours and shoot me pictures of your vision boards– I just LOVE seeing them!
Wishing you all the best, Rosie
Even that last photo of Clive Owen (the one where he doesn’t look like a vampire) is probably ‘shopped. The wrinkles haven’t been taken away, but they’ve been smoothed.
I think one of my bigger aha moments, in terms of the media, was that cover shoot Oprah did a “behind the scenes of” in O magazine, years ago. As an actor I already knew about stage makeup, but professional makeup artists/ hair people take it to a level I had never even thought about before! (And also a level that feels really, really gross on one’s skin.)
As satisfying it must be for actors to become famous, it must be a lifetime curse for people to walk up and say “Didn’t you used to be?” since not only have they been Photoshopped, but they have inevitably aged since the last performance.
It’s hard enough being a school teacher where kids want to know if you knew personally the historical figures your seem to know so much about.
This is one of the reasons I stopped buying mags. (now i just flip threw them in the Drs office or a long check-out line) The other was that every mag has 3-7 diff articles on how to lose weight.. But then they photoshop every pic in it.. I got to the point where enough was enough.. So now I save myself some money and the aggravation of having to tell that voice in the back on my mind to “SHUT UP!” bc Ill never be able to live up to that fake image. If those actresses dont even look like that why should I?
;-D
my word is “enough”
I kind of love that!
I think my word(s) is: BE ME
I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks. I’ve spent the past year really working on how I a relating to others around me and how to better those relationships despite the lack of desire on the part of others to engage in that process with me. It has been productive on the one hand and terribly frustrating on the other. So, this year, I think I am going to give it a bit of a rest and just BE ME and let that be enough. I’m going to try to step up some efforts on my physical self and focus on eating and exercise.
Part of this was going to be a break from relationship, selfhelp, and communication books but then I read something about Harriet Lerner’s new book and joined an online Stepmom’s bookclub so I may need to refine exactly what it means to BE ME! Haha – only 9 days into the new year!
Happy New Year Rosie! May it be a year filled with many blessings for you and your family!
It is weird to say that someone who I’ve never met has inspired me to get up and go this year. I bought your book Beautiful a year ago and started to complete it but realized I just wasn’t ready. I now feel like I am and have started up again. Plan on finishing a blog with my responses. Thank you for all that you do!!
love and peace,
Amy
My word is “routine.” The good kind. The helpful kind. The gentle discipline kind. I’m allowing myself the pleasure of being a very small child again who needs routines to feel good, rested, happy, and whole.
I like this and I like how the jar in the picture is kinda fun!! I have the book and remember reading it….but didn’t implement it (yet)!!
In addition, we gotta stop caring about others…I mean, superficially caring. I don’t know where it came from but I somewhere along the line became judgmental and hateful toward others (in my head). I know I used to simply hear, not necessarily participate, comments from other women, “Oh my goodness, she really let herself go” or “shoot me if I ever get that fat” or “can you believe what she’s wearing”…but I find myself noticing sometimes and then get frustrated….where did that come from? I try very hard these days to send loving energy to anyone I “notice” to counter the negative thought that popped in my head. And I gotta feel pity for the person (very likely a fellow woman) who may look at me and think those thoughts. That is a miserable place to be. This is some hard, hard work….99% of it is between our ears 🙁
Fabulous point, Jamie. ANd I have a little bit of tough love about where that stuff is coming from (coupled with some insight on how to then handle it)…. I think you have just inspired Monday’s blog post. LOVE the idea of sending loving energy in light of a critical thought. And you are right, 99% of this work needs to happen in between our ears!
Last week I noticed a co-worker, who I really do not know other than to say “hi” in passing had started dressing up at work ( my office is very casual), normally she would have been super casual.
Instead of just saying my usual “hi” I took a minute to compliment her on a necklace she was wearing. This resulted in a conversation about how over Christmas she was depressed over recent illnesses of friends and a death in her family so she decided to make some changes and focus her attention on a project. She decided that each day she would get up take a shower and get dressed, if one day she wanted to spend a an hour on hair and makeup she would, but if not she would not. If she wanted to dress up she would, if she wanted to wear jeans she would do that.She cleaned out all of her clothes and shoes including the clothes she was holding onto for when she lost that 20 lbs and donated them to Goodwill.
Instead of passing by saying “hi” and going back to my desk to self analyze somebody else I learned a bit about a person going through some tough times and her plan to worh through it.
Oh, Kim, I am really so moved by this story. Thanks so much for sharing it!
I am a chronic procrastinator. And I don’t do physical lists. I have a running list in my mind, but I never take the time to flesh it out on paper. Which is why it is rather easy to skip things that I find unpleasant. Such as making that phone call I need to make, or logging into that website and clearing some stuff up before that big cold snowball hits me on the way down the hill.
Maybe I just need to write it all down and get to it . . .
I am the chronic organizer. That is not to say that my tasks are always completed, my ideas do not always come to fruittion (in MY time)and I often reserve the right to change my mind. That being said…there is always a blank line or two left on my list. For ‘just in case’ items.
For instance; if a friend (Rosie) needs help or encouragement gettin’ it done…(rather than get a stomach ache about it)…you are welcome to call 😉
*sigh* good suggestions….just very hard work….I need to love myself so much more than I do 🙁
here is the one place my last child shows, i have a knack for i’m not gonna just cuz i don’t wanna.
oh my, i can only see how this will haunt me as a parent.
Rosie, this is such an important post. This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I prepare aclass on it. So often, I think we make this purpose thing too hard. We try to do a bit of everything because we feel like what we are meant to do doesn’t matter all that much. Then, we lose sight of the true power of our purpose. Your individual purpose does matter. In fact it’s essential. Imagine the momentum we would experience if each one of us was “pouring” into our purpose and giving our best? Thank you for the reminder and the great ideas and writing in this post.
“The key is to pour ourselves into our purpose and have faith that everyone around us will do that, too.” Beautiful!
I followed the “everything is my purpose” and/or “everyone needs me to fix everything” route for far too long. I find it absolutely shocking (but also downright delightful) to find how much better life is when my effort is less diffuse.
Dearest Rosie . . . how blessed your students — and the world! — is to have your voice. How delicious that you — who write with such beauty and pathos and power that your options are as wide as your talent — CHOOSE to teach. I can’t wait to meet you and throw my arms around you to say THANK YOU!! My grandmothers both were teachers. My maternal grandmother taught remedial reading and, because she refused to let school budgetary restrictions stand between her and her students, she wrote her own materials. I just know that her spirit rests more easily knowing that women like you are carrying the torch. Brava! Love, Deb
One of my to-do list tricks is to put a question mark beside things I’m not quite sure I want to commit to doing. If something has a question mark next to it, I get to cross it off at the end of the day, regardless of whether I did it or not.
I LOVE this idea. Question marks, here we come!
Yay! Love this….For so many reasons.
🙂
Rosie–I’m in!!!
I love this idea. You inspire me everyday! Thanks for being you. I will work on my 5.
I made a vision board In Kelly finleys class for a final and it has been hanging on my bedroom wall for three years! I am still working on a lot of the goals on the vision board and seeing it all the time is a great reminder for me. I’m about to order your books online because I always meant to but never did. Saw u in the paper a while back and your article was phenomenal. I admire u greatly and u r an inspiration to me! Hope u r doing well 🙂
A problem I’ve noticed with some relationships is reciprocity. I love to hear about other people’s experiences, but sometimes this can lead me to become close with people who talk and talk and talk but literally never ask me about my own life. When I try to be assertive and share about my own thoughts and experiences, I get hardly any response. This kind of relationship is really draining, and I also feel strange about the whole situation because I know so much about the other person but they know next to nothing about me. Don’t they ever wonder what I’m thinking? What my background is? What I struggle with or what I’m proud of or enjoy doing?
I realized how bad it can get when I told a “friend” of mine that my mom had cancer. He was concerned but never asked me about it again. When I referred to it a few weeks later in a conversation, he didn’t even remember that I had told him in the first place. It was hard to believe. After all the times I had supported him, he totally dropped the ball when I really could have used a friend. It was a wake-up call for me. Now, I’m trying to recognize and accept people’s limits and not get too close if I know they won’t be able to return the level of attention I’m giving them.
Sarah, Yes, this was so well-expressed. But, first, before anything else, let me tell you how very sorry I am about your mom having cancer. My dad is a cancer survivor and going through his experience with him was so difficult and brought up so many emotions for me. I have such empathy for you and your mom. Sending you lots of healing vibes.
In thinking about that issue of reciprocity, I have found that those types of imbalanced relationships can be pretty draining for me. I have a better nose for them now and so I try to engage those friendships at a different level. It can be hard for me as I find myself wanting to ask a follow-up question, etc. but I also know that I have this tendency to overengage in a way that drains me and so I try now to be self-aware about that and do just what you said– see if we’re well matched for a balanced relationship and then go from there.
Thanks for your good insight!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Fortunately, my mom is doing great. We’re lucky she found out about it early on. Finding balanced, empowering relationships is a new goal for me. In the past, I’ve assumed I was close to someone because they shared so much with me about their life, but now I’m realizing it has to go the other way too. They need to be curious and interested in me as well. It’s one of those “duh” ideas that can make a big difference when you think about it. Anyways, I enjoy your blog and look forward to future posts 🙂
Girl Please, you take that beautiful (and it is beautiful!) handbag and you march right out of the house and go wherever you were planning to go today. You deserve that lovely bag and it deserves to see the light of day, even if it is the florescent light of Costco. After my dad died I had a mental paradigm shift. These are my nice things that I worked hard for or was given by those who love me. I deserve to use them and they deserve to be used. Someone put a lot of love and work into creating that bag. Show it to the world. You can’t take it with you when you are gone!
Great post. I have struggled with these relationships my whole life. I don’t think I’ve had a friend (until recently) where this wasn’t the dynamic. My ‘friends’ have been more bullying and aggressive than you have described here.
I recently cut all ties with a long time toxic friend who has been bullying me for 17 years. It has been hard and also so liberating and freeing. I feel like a huge ugly weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am now also open and emotionally available for new, better, more nurturing and caring relationships.
My therapist once asked me to compare how I felt after a phone call with the bully, verses how I felt after a phone call with my new non bully friend. I realised I always felt such self doubt and anxiety after calls with the bully, I would run the conversation over and over in my head. I never had that with my new non bully friend.
However, I think there is a kind of thrill I got from being friends with a bully. You get a kind of protection. The person who could destroy you is protecting you. That’s a feeling like no other, especially for someone with a long history of being bullied. However, when that person turns on you, and they always do in the end, it is destruction of a nuclear kind and almost impossible to reconcile. I spent 17 years in a struggle to get out from under that relationship and my only regret is that I spent so long being dragged down by her.
The reality is, the real strength, the real protection, is found in yourself, not in any friend.
Thanks for this post Rosie! Sorry for the rant!
xxx
Oh, and totally off topic, but the twitter chat? I came upon it by chance and I had NO idea the questions were posted before and it totally freaked me out the way everyone had these amazing, thoughtful, clever answers to the questions tweeted only seconds before!! Very glad I figured that out, not feeling quite so inadequate. 🙂 xx
Very nice post! I am often coaching my clients (I’m a counselor) to not engage crazy…and it is hard to avoid when the crazy is working hard to engage you personally 🙂 I think the hardest part for my clients (and for me, too, at times) is NOT ENGAGING looks much different from FIGHTING….fighting crazy IS engaging crazy.
Good stuff!!!!
I enjoyed the video and particularly like the point made about being content when our mind changes, rather than when our body changes.
I believe the media may be starting to swing back into acceptance of the body beautiful not being tied up to being slim, but this has to be only the start.
We each need to do what we can to, first, change our own attitudes about what constitutes a beautiful person, and then we need to influence those around us to re-examine their ideas too.
Thank you for sharing some beautiful thoughts
Haven’t Seen the Last of Me by Cher [soundtrack Burlesque]
I Will Survive by Stephanie Bently [not same as Gloria Gaynor’s I will Survive}
If you don’t like country you won’t like these but trust me the lyrics are great
one of the best
I’ve Got Better Things to Do by Terri Clark
[lyrics like I don’t need to waste my tiime crying over you, I’ve got better things to do… I could wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings…count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life]
Gasoline by Terri Clark
I don’t know my own strength by Lorrie Morgan
[lyrics its been hard walk but I’ll make it I didn’t know my own strength]
Watch Me Walk Away by Lorrie Morgan
Good As I was To you by Lorrie Morgan
What Part of No Don’t you Understand by Lorrie Morgan
Snapshot by Sylvia [hard to find from 80’s lol lyrics are about how he cheated she packed up home left but put wall size mural snapshot of his girlfriend on the wall}
Nobody by Sylvia [your nobody called today]
Reba McEntire
I’m a Survivor
For My Broken Heart
Take It Back
Girls Night Out by the Judds
Guys Do It All the Time by Shania Twain
Girlfriends by Jamie Neal
From a playlist thats about being positive or coming back from what life tosses your way I made it for my niece and didn’t realize how LOL I guess found some interesting gems from watching those disney flicks and animaltion with her but hey if the message it leaves her is to be strong it works for me some are songs from above such as Cher, and Stephanie Bently and Jamie O’Neal others are :
Bring On the Rain by Jo Dee Messina
Greatest Love of ALL by Whitney Houston [I prefer George Benson’s original]
Once In Every Lifetime by Jem [Eragon Soundtrack]
I Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack
One Moment In Time by Whitney Houston [used on the cd made for the special olympics in the late 80’s or early 90’s]
Never Give Up by Yolanda Adams
Keep Holding On Avril Lavigne [Eragon Soundtrack ]
I Know Where I’ve Been by Queen Latifah [Hairspray 2007 soundtrack]
You’ll Never Walk Alone [this song is really old but I think Jordan Sparks as recorded it.]
Somebody’s Hero by Jamie O’Neal
(this song says it all about the hero our mom’s are ) [lyrics she’s never pulled anybody from burning building … never left footprints on the moon … she’s just your everyday average girl … but she’s somebody’s hero … to her baby .. voice brings snow white to life … ]
The Bug by Mary Chapin Carptenter [ lyrics : sometimes your the windshield sometimes your the bug]
Someone’s Watching Over Me by Hilary Duff [raise your voice soundtrack]
Here I AM [Camp Rock Soundtrack character was Peggy don’t know young ladies name] [lyrics scream until nothing’s left with your last breath …. here I am … there’s no way you’ll be ignored not anymore …]
Wild Horses by Natasha Beddingfield [flicka soundtrack]
Nothing’s Wrong with Me [from Pixel Perfect soundtrack]
It Will Be Me by Melissa Etheridge [Brother Bear Soundtrack]
It’s My Turn by Keke Palmer [jump in soundtrack]
Sung by men but the lyrics count :
Back on My Feet Again by Michael Bolton
I Made it Through the Rain by Barry Manilow
You Can’t Take Me by Bryan Adams [Soundtrack Spirit Stallion of the Cimmeron lol yes animation]
I Believe I Can Fly [spacejam soundtrack ]
I’m Still Here by John Rzenik [soundtrack Treasure Island sometimes animation has great music]
Believe It Or Not Joey Scarbury [80’s theme from tv show became hit song]
Hand That Rocks the Cradle by Glenn Campbell [another tribute to Mom’s]
Garth Brooks : The Dance
THe Change
Push It to the Limit by Corbin Bleu [Jump In soundtrack]
Wow. I adore this idea.
I’m absolutely going to blog about this. I think it’s wonderful. Thank you!
Great idea!
I know at least a thousand things I could use as “monthly goals”, too time-consuming to be accomplished within only one day – the ones I swear I’ll tackle “this year” and still are on my to-do list….
Also great to combine with New Year’s resolution as a big theme (http://imperfectspirituality.com/2012/01/04/pick-a-theme-to-guide-your-year-and-your-goals/).
OK, let’s go….
#1 Sew a pyjama for my daughter’s favorite Teddy (which I began in summer 2011…)
#2 Tackle the mess in my kitchen’s cabinets
#3 Jump in and do my first very-own-made-by-myself postcards. I’ve collected more than enough material, but somehow I fear to go ahead…. so perfect to have it as February’s resolution!
Thank you for your insights!
My announcement? It took me years (and your book Beautiful You) to realize it – Carpe Diem!
I don’t want to change everything in my life (and can’t anyway). But I can aim to live my life 100% consciously. When I’m playing with my daughter, I sometime have a to-do-list in mind – but I can choose to be plainly, for a while, with my daughter and not just next to her, playing, laughing, seing the world through her eyes (so amazing and rewarding!). When I’m working for our household, I enjoy the feeling of a clean room, or the scent of soap on fresh laundry. And when I’m working, I can do it with all my heart, serving the world through my job (a normal office job…). By being mentally where I’m supposed to be – in the here-and-now, I can fully enjoy life. And give the best of myself.
I LOVE it, Cecile. What a beautiful, powerful announcement and valuable witness. Just being present is so hard and so powerful. Thanks for that reminder!
Great Post Rosie! And, Cecile, good points – I wonder if you are aware of St. therese, the little flower, who lived her life of service by doing ordinary things with extraordinary love. So simple was her life and philosophy and yet, her basic belief that we glorify God by loving deeply and offering up each moment of the day and each simple task to HIS glory, earned her status as Doctor of the Church!
Brene Brown writes about how the Ordinary life (which face it, most of us will live) has lost value in our society and worse, has come to be regarded as a “worthless” life – when in reality, like Therese, we will reach our greatest heights by doing the ordinary with great love. The consequences of this loss of value in Ordinary is, as a society is that we are willing to go to some pretty extreme lengths to achieve extraordinary or to numb our perceived failures. So, Cecile, I join you, and Saint Therese, in celebrating our wonderful ordinary lives and in living in the moment, in perfection, giving each blessed moment of my day my whole heart in love!!!
Love these comments, Mary, and the story about St. Therese. There is absolutely no need for our announcements to be colossal, to be this thing that’s never been heard. THere is simply a need for us to speak our truth and to help our truth be lived real in the world, whatever it is, however “ordinary” it might feel. Because there is nothing, after all, ordinary about living. When you think about life- how you got here literally and figuratively- it is extraordinary and demands your celebration in it- by living real. SO energized for this day because of you, Mary and Cecile, thank you!
I’d never thought of it as an announcement, but the thing I say most and the message I most want to get across to people is, “You are loved.”
(Which starts with yourself and ends with the entirety of the universe. All is One and The One is Love.)
Oh, Alexis, I LOVE this. Yes, yes, yes. You are loved is one of my favorite announcements and I love how you capture it. In fact, my best friend when I was teaching high school and I used to always say to each other, “You are loved” because we loved that it was such an active expression of our affection for each other. That was 15 years ago and she recently started You are Loved Designs based on this premise of helping people understand that they are loved (she’s still teaching, too). http://www.youarelovedesigns.com These announcements are making me so, so happy!
Wow, I love that story, it is such a kindred spirit connection!
(And what a great product your friend has created!!!)
So good! This is a lesson I’ve had to learn time and again — it still pops up sometimes, but I’m learning to preempt slowly but surely.
I’m quite good at enjoying material goods such as the “good dishes” on a normal day, the crystal glass from my grandma to keep makeup and so on.
But for some months, I realized (thanks to Beautiful You) that I deprived myself of the pleasure of using my “little treasures”.
Let me explain: I love to collect beautiful little somethings such as little pieces of fabric, or ribbons – things that anybody else would probably throw away. One day, I would use them to create a great artwork, yes a masterpiece. Too bad that I have no knowledge and experience so far. But one day, for sure… And in the meanwhile, I can’t allow myself to work with them. I would ruin them, for sure, as I don’t have experience….
A vicious circle, based on my perfectionism. How can I ever learn if I don’t allow myself to “ruin” some material? Does it really matter if my first “masterpieces” aren’t perfectly perfect? What are handicrafts for, if not for enjoying the process?
As so often, becoming aware of my struggles was all I needed to solve them. From time to time, when I try something new, I still find myself “braking” again – and I take a deep breath and jump in. I deserve to feel this joyce of creating!
Oh, thanks so much for sharing this, Cecile. I love your question: how can I ever learn if I don’t allow myself to ruin some material. yes, yes, that is just it! Thank you for capturing that wisdom so powerfully! And create on!
Love, love, love the pic/saying!
Thank you so much, Rosie, you could just have written about how “I” feel…
“it is the foundation you lay down that matters”, you’re so right!
In French we say that we should give children “des racines et des ailes”, roots and wings – Roots to be nurtured, to get strong, and stand stable through life, and wings to spread and fly around when the time is come, to get all the stronger, to find the own way through life – and to come back as often as needed.
As a mother it’s the gift I most want to make to my daughter. In the daily life though, it is not always easy to find the right balance between (over-)protecting and supporting her need for autonomy…. Step by step, she and I will find our own way.
Have a wonderful day with Happy!
Are style and self-acceptance compatible? Hell yeah!
So glad you two have connected – it always makes me smile when I see one of you referencing/linking to the other! Love what both of you have to say. And, I totally covet Sally’s boots, too.
I adore Mara! I’m so happy to see her featured her!
This concept of body neutrality is a really interesting one. I’ve recently shifted my thinking about my body — to that of abundance, rather than deprivation. As a result I look physically very different than I did years ago. I often say I’m in like with what I see in the mirror but I haven’t fallen in love with the image…yet. But I certainly don’t hate what I see. And I feel overwhelmingly happy, in general. “Body neutrality” actually really works for me, right now.
This was so funny, smart and moving at the same time. I’ve gone back and forth between a size 6 and a size 26 and found myself asking my “real body” to come out from hiding and making an appearance. I’m finally starting to settle in a place of peace. I’m working on it. I’d be cool to learn to do a back bend though. I admire your writing and can’t wait to read more. I’m pumped to learn about all of these new (to me) blogs via Body Image Warrior Week–what a great idea. I was also thrilled to contribute in a small and inexperienced way as a newbie blogger still learning. Can’t wait to read more!
I love this.
I was actually at the store the other day and the bagger was shocked that I was admitting, as a female, that the ice cream in my basket was for myself.
This post is exactly the sort of reason why I AM so willing to admit that. Ice cream is good. cake is good. Why can’t we eat it… and admit it?
Rosie, thank you so much for choosing to include my piece. I’m really glad I found you too! By they way, I’ve now read your piece to my Sweets AND to our 13-year-old son, who both thought it was awesome. Sweets got a little teary and my son ended the piece with a huge, genuine smile on his face (which as you may know can be difficult to coax out of a 13-year-old).
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Sorry to hear that experience of being locked at the garage, for me it’s traumatic.
rosie! i am so happy to hear you are taking a step toward taking care of yourself. i know as a mom, teacher (you are still a teacher, you know), writer it is difficult to take the time you need, but this is so necessary.
oh how i wish you were in california so you could come take some restorative yoga with me. since you aren’t, try to find a class where you are or check out judith lasater’s relax and renew – it’s the restorative bible.
big love and hugs to you. can’t wait to see what all the other guest posters have to say.
xo
I had a Roux-en-Y about a decade ago, and have since noticed that when I neglect taking my vitamins for extended periods of time, my health suffers greatly. I am unable to absorb things like vitamin D and the B vitamins as well as others, and in some cases not at all. So getting my vitamins and nutrients is extremely important.
Thank you, my friend, for this reminder. Such a simple thing, and yet so often neglected . . .
It’s true, that we need to focus more on our health and quit overlooking these small things. For years I blew handfuls of small symptoms off — stating that I was overworked, overtired. Just a typical work from home mom trying to juggle the demanding needs of a growing family, small children and a 40+ hour/week research support position.
For me though, the problem wasn’t as easily fixed. Thankfully after a successful brain surgery many of my symptoms have resolved itself and my days (as well as my head!) are much clearer.
Best wishes that you are feeling back to your old self, shortly!
I’m sorry you have been dealing with this deficiency, but glad that it can be resolved! Best of luck as you seek healing and restoration. I look forward to reading the guest posts!
I wish you a good recovery! Please take all the time you need, and reduce your activity as far as possible. You owe us nothing – you owe only #1 yourself and #2 your two dear ones to be yourself. I will enjoy the guest posts for sure! I will be glad when you’re fully back, as a sign that you’re fully fit again. Take care!
So applicable in any field – why the pressure to seem any one way anyway? Especially since yoga is pretty individual. I mean, people do it together sometimes but their reasons are as unique as they are.
Love this!! I have to remind myself of this when I go t yoga.
I really like that….and how she found her own words. Don’t really care for the way descriptors go with names. I remember my husband talking about someone at work….two of the same name and he called one, “Big Michelle.” I said, oh no you don’t!!! He meant tall, he proceeded to tell me. Still… Good post!
Well stated and I totally agree…
I was “the other Lindsey” K-12. Or rather I wasn’t. I would think people were referring to me, but they’d always respond, “No, I meant the other Lindsey.” So I know of what Ashton speaks, even well over a decade later.
She’s an insightful young woman! And I love the picture you paint with your words. Glad to have found your blog through I+C:)
Thankfully, when I went to school, we called people “our Joanna” and “their Joanna”, or if the two were in the same class, by last name.
Looks are the worst thing we can compete in.
I think this is a great idea. I LOVE make up but rarely wear it. I probably wear it maybe once every other month. I like seeing people without make up on. It’s like I’m cheating and get to see in to their soul or something.
I do get weird looks when I show up to work with my hair still wet, but I do it anyways sometimes if I’m lazy. 🙂
What a wise young woman! Sounds like she is lucky to have you in her life– and she, you in hers!
“Then I figured we’re just different kinds of pretty”.
Beautiful.
Adore this post. Thanks so much Mara. It took me until my mid to late 30s to have relationships that were good, because I now know I DESERVE to be loved and appreciated. Before that it was all self-sabotage and testing. It’s nice that that part of my life is over and I can evolve in to better interpersonal relationships, both romantic and friendly.
Ah Mara…this world is so lucky to have you!
I’ve had many of the same experiences you describe…and when true love did come along, miraculously, I tested it and found it unbreakable…and that’s when I started learning how to love myself, so that I could give as good as I got.
I have always had a small body. Recently for some unknown reason I became a bit smaller. Every other day I hear people say “You’re so tiny,” “What do you eat?” ” You are so skinny,” and so on. I don’t think it would be socially acceptable to tell a heavier women things like “what do you eat?” ” You are so fat, ” and etc. so I don’t know why people feel it is okay to comment about my weight.
It definitely makes me feel different, or that I need to change my body. It is not everyday you come across people who love their bodies, who aren’t trying to loss weight or get into their body they had 5 years ago.
Thank you for the post, curvy, skinny, large, small, medium they are all beautiful sizes.
My friend and I recently made a vow to never mention body size or weight as a compliment. So no, “You look great, have you lost weight?” or things of that nature. I agree with Kourtney that no one should feel that it’s okay to comment on weight, period. It’s no one’s business what I eat or what I weigh, unless I bring it up.
I am a lady of size and once I said, “I weigh 215” and thinking she was complimenting me a woman replied, “I would’ve never guessed. You look like you weigh like 180.” I found it disturbing that other people have a number in their mind, as to what I weigh. If we could all stop doing that it would be a much more peaceful place.
I have been very thin, and now pretty chubby, and I’m far more comfortable with the skin I’m in now. I have moved away from trying to achieve some unattainable beauty standard, and moved toward trying to be healthy and happy.
I did it, however not on March, 14th, but one day earlier. I have to confess, nothing new to me, as I often go without any enhancement (not enough?). When I’m using something, then mascara, sometimes also foundation, more rarely eye shadow, and on special occasions lipstick.
I feel good even without make-up – when I smile in front of a mirror, I see that I’m a beautiful woman. Every happy woman I know is a beautiful woman, because of the happiness she spreads. You’re beautiful!
Kourtney,
Thaank you for taking the time to read my post. I agree with you about not always coming across people who love their bodies and that saddens me. I have always believed, even in my size 10 days—there is more to me than my size.
Any size, shape, color—we are all BEAUTIFUL because it is really based on your character and the way that you treat others.
Thanks a million!
Melanie,
I think that is pretty cool about what you and your friend are doing. It is so much more important to be HAPPY & HEALTHY!!!!
Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post!
It means a lot!!!
Thank you for including women of all sizes in your “real women” image…as a woman “with curves” I used to think that skinny women were “lucky” and now I see just how manipulated we all are. We’re all real!
Like one of the other commenters said, I choose not to comment on other women’s looks any more…there’s plenty of other things to praise!
I heard Jodi Picoult speak here in NYC—she was great! Katie Couric interviewed. And I was stressing about leaving early from work (and I only had 20 min. to travel mind you!) So this post was a reality check for me of what you can do if you really want to. Sometimes I feel disinclined to push myself, especially when you are working a lot of hours. But you have to make time for what’s important to you, to meet your own needs. I’ve gotten better, I don’t back out of things I want to do unless I absolutely have to. Because you have to grab some of this chances when you can take them. And when I’m feeling down, I can get tunnel vision. So I completely agree with what you are saying about we don’t have time not to be inspired. Likewise, I almost let myself get myself down, thinking, look at all Jodi’s accomplished and I’ve done nothing. I wasted my life as a lawyer, which I hate, and I’m nowhere near done with my first book even. But we can’t change where we’ve come from, only move forward. Anyway, sorry to babble, but your post was an inspiration. Thanks for sharing!
YES! I am with you! New business, kiddo and lots of volunteer commitments leave me feeling guilty when it comes to taking time to do something “selfish” — by which I mean for me, not negatively. But I’m always happier when I do…
So glad you managed to go and got so much from the day out! But what I really want to know is… Did you howl?
I really love this story! I love how you’ve taken the reigns of your life to shape and create it. Owning your story yet holding the power! Nice!!
Thank you so much Jamie.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the readers. I really appreciate the insights here and, though I’m not adopted, I do struggle with the past. It kind of lines up with what I wrote about yesterday for “just write” on my blog. Life is a story but I’m not the author. Perhaps I’m just the protagonist in my own story. I can really connect and relate here and I’m sending lots and lots of positive thoughts your way.
one-girl-vs-world.blogspot.com
I believe I can be the author of my own story (‘author’ is the root of the word ‘authenticity’) but I’m not in control of other people’s stories and the way their actions overlap mine. I can re-write the past in any way I choose or just leave it behind. Thank you for sending your positive thoughts x
Lovely, Rosie! I’m also a big fan of “Anna Begins,” and not just because it has my name in the title. 🙂
A powerful story, full of insight and vulnerability, and courage. I really appreciate the respect you pay to both your mothers, and the boundaries you clarify between their stories and your own.
Thank you Joyce. I do respect both my mothers who both struggled with their own demons. Without both of them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today (or even here for that matter!)
Homer Simpson??
What a thoughtful and heart wrenching commentary Rosie…the other day I heard a bit on NPR and I thought you might like to read it: A Mom’s Advice To Her Young, Black Sons
http://www.npr.org/2012/03/22/149126015/a-moms-advice-to-her-young-black-sons
Thank you so much for sharing this, Karen. I would have missed it, and I am so glad I didn’t!
I have goosebumps all over my body Rosie. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It is an extremely important narrative and I feel privileged to have read it.
Thank you, sweet friend.
Rosie,
This is so beautiful & so true!!
Thank you!
Thank you, honey. Abrazos.
I’ve had this case on my mind, too. I’m not a mom of a black boy (my boy is white) but he is on the autism spectrum and that also sometimes reads as “threatening” (somehow, to some people) after adolescence.
It isn’t the same, but the fear is similar.
But if there’s one thing I am doing my damn best to do, it’s to keep him from being someone who would jump to a bigoted conclusion (whether that has lethal consequences or just soul-crushing consequences). Which, really, is just doing my best to maintain his innate sense that we’re all just people and we’re all ok. We choose to live in an area where he’ll be able to have diverse friends – and he does.
We are parenting towards Dr King’s dream. Not al parents are with us, but our numbers are growing, I hope and pray. It’s getting better.
Meanwhile, my heart is with Trayvon’s family and with all who mourn.
You are so right, Alexis, about that fear for our boys being so similar. Love your consciousness and deliberateness as a parent. Yes, indeed, parenting towards the dream is the only way to live in hope.
Wow. Girl we need to talk. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. As a white mom of three black boys, I have spent many hours contemplating these issues. I have had it in my heart that I want to talk about and write about these issues. You have made a beautiful entry into this dialogue…the struggle continues. You have inspired me on this sunday morning and I thank you. BTW your boy is adorable!
Oh, Teresa, how have we not talked more about parenting? Yes, indeed, we need to talk! Thanks for your kind words and empathy.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful and open-hearted piece, Rosie.
Oh, thank you so much, Anna. That means so much coming from you!
Rosie, I think you and I were having the same night. Here is what I wrote last night http://roundwomanfrancesca.blogspot.com/. Wishing no mother should ever have this fear.
Love & Peace, Francesca
Loved your post, Francesca. So powerful. And I am so grateful to have you to call on as we travel through motherhood together!
I think you’ve solidified the fact that I will stay in continuous communication regarding any/all ‘advice’ handed down from ‘guidance’ counselors in the future. I too was advised to do something other than what I’d always dreamed and now see my skill and instinctual preference for. I’m was a young girl told- “that will take lots of math and science. do you really think that is your strength? girls don’t really get into that stuff.” DASHED. I still remember it vividly to this day- a previous straight A student I next failed 3 classes as my entire sense of self was lost. I do NOT want to leave my child susceptible to this prodding. I want him to have confidence in his sense of self. Bold in who he is as a child of god. How- oh how do we do this and keep them alive?
You end with such a powerful question, shannoncl. It is so important for us to be the loudest, brightest voice in our children’s ears– or they’ll listen to that one dissenting, discouraging voice and I’ll be darned if someone else who flits in for a moment gets to have that lasting impression on my child. Here’s to being the loudest, most positive, most assuring voice!
This post literally gave me chills, and I’ve shared it with many people I know already. We actually just started taking a course on multicultural families in beginning the process of transracial adoption, and so this resonates profoundly with me. You are a brave woman, as is your son. Thanks, as always, for starting important conversations and adding a much-needed voice.
Thank you, Ashley. I am so excited about your adoption journey and am happy to help any way I can. You are going to be an amazing mama, friend.
Rosie, I feel your being a kindhearted woman and i’m so proud of you. Thank you for doing this for the boy. He really needs you on his side.
Kudos to you!
Thanks!
Amen sister! I knew that when you found your words it would be profound.
Your post really propelled my voice, Heather. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and for being the type of mom I am honored to walk beside and compelled to look towards for guidance.
What a beautiful, poignant piece. While I want to drop-kick your guidance counselor, there is no getting around the prejudices that exist. We need to call it out when we see it and demand better for our children. I am glad I found your site through Michelle in the Middle. Erin
So well said, Erin. Being aware allows us to be the best possible advocates along the way. Happy to have connected with you, too!
You are a beautiful writer. I always thought of you as a kind person and a leader. Thank you for sharing.
That is a lovely thing to say, Catherine. Thank you!
We really need to meet up some day. Harriet the Spy was TOTALLY my idol! And I, too, went to the library every week with my mom and walked out with more than I could carry.
Thank you for such a beautiful post about the power of the word and how it can unlock what’s inside us. xo
Rosie,
Loved reading your piece. Your boy is adorable! Beautiful and thought-provoking writing. I hate to think that a guidance counselor at Spring Valley misjudged you so horribly. Hope that you are well.
Oh, thank you so much, Shannon. I so appreciate your kind words. All is well– I hope for you, too!
this post is stunningly brilliant. i wish i was in charge of the world, i’d make everyone read it.
little known fact: i minored in african american studies.
Thank you so much, Tami. And why am I so not surprised by that little known fact? Can’t wait to meet you in the flesh one day!
Sad and beautiful story, Rosie. As “just a girl,” I too was discouraged in h.s. from doing anything significant with my life; reinforced by my then-church, whose opinion was that women were to shut up and make babies. Sad to see their ilk are still out there, louder than ever.
Although I don’t have a dark-skinned son as you do, my heart also breaks over Trayvon Martin and the whole insidiousness of racial profiling. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful and poignant post.
There is no prize in the end for she who worked the hardest. There is, however, a prize throughout life for she who loves truly, lives authentically, and engages life: enjoyment.
Love this!
Love your list, Rosie.
I would tell my teenage self…this is who you are, quit waiting for a different age to transport you to a different dimension. I thought that what I was doing was all temporary, unimportant, trivial…I was waiting for my life to begin as an adult. Live in the moment…don’t wait another day.
Forget my teenage self, these were good for my 37 year old self to hear today. Thank you. I needed that.
You’re so right! We see someone else’s performance as spectacular, whereas we can’t see our own performance, only the sum of tiny, unspectacular steps that lead there – so how could our performance seems spectacular to ourselves?
Same as body image: we see that beautiful girl in the street, whereas we see ourselves as the sum of too-big-nose, too-curly-hair, too-much-this and not-enough-that, without being able to see the beautiful in our total self.
How can we learn to consider ourselves with the same criteria as we consider others? Or are we afraid of being simply good? Is it too much pressure? Do we fear to fail as an artist, a cyclist, a beautiful woman? Do we really think that other people are always perfect and we are the only ones who aren’t?
If we would begin to speak about our successes as well as about our failures, our fears, instead of wanting to seem perfect amongst perfect people – we would understand that we’re not alone, and we could relieve a lot of pressure – on others, and on ourselves. And then dare to consider ourselves as the artist, cyclist, good mother, beautiful woman we trully already are.
Very well said Rosie! It is more times than I can say that I have said, “done” and believed that I was not a part of what I was there to be a part of! However, these past few years has said “No More”! I really love the time period that we are in. The women that are coming out and sharing and producing their magic, is so exciting! We are here to support each other and say “Bravo” for your passion and visions!
Rosie: This got me: “And, yet, what the world most needs from us is very rarely rooted in our body– what the world needs from us is rooted in our mind and soul and heart. Our bodies are our vehicles, but they do not define us. We define ourselves. Too often, we think we will finally be happy when our body chances. The truth is that we will only be happy when our mind changes. When we give ourselves permission and the tools to be happy. Find your voice and your passion. Now. It is not too early, and it is not too late. You’ll save yourself and the world.” Absolutely breath-taking words and what I’m working on now myself. Sometimes more successfully than others. Also, I love all you said about books and reading growing up–I was an avid bookworm myself, books were my respite and consolation and way to make sense of this. Likewise, writing gave me a voice. I’m getting that voice back. This post was wonderful, thanks for sharing.
What a wise thing your dad did … I was the kid who read everything too! And I agree it saved me (in a way) and educated me (in a way). I missed the plucky takeaway but at 47 maybe I’m starting to latch on to that too! Great post!
I am grateful that you find the words to express for those of us who struggle. You and your precious family are loved & I feel blessed that as I parent I can look towards you for inspiration.
Absolutely loved this post, this is so true. I’ve been in relationships that ended because of this issue.
Hi, Rosie–
Just wanted to say, I love this post! I’ve been journaling with Beautiful You, and mentoring students this semester, and your work has been a huge source of inspiration. We’ve done the Wheel of Life exercise and some of the Beautiful You prompts, also (I even made some of my coworkers/fellow tutors do the Wheel–they all loved it). What I see when I look at your list is a real synergy with Twyla Tharp’s book, The Creative Habit, which is another resource I’ve used this semester. I gave my students her “creative DNA” quiz and the open-ended questions seemed to push them in all kinds of interesting directions. I have a theory that many college kids are so used to standardized tests that open-ended questions are a surprise.
In my own creative process, so much of this list makes perfect sense. I’ve struggled with consistency in my daily writing, but planning and note-taking have always been a major part of my routine. Also: if I get stuck, I tend to go do something else–work on another project, chapter, essay, etc. What’s important, I think, is not burning yourself out. I’ve noticed I tend to work in intense bursts and I’m trying to move away from that towards a healthier, more self-sustaining consistency–slightly inspired by Hemingway’s advice that you should always stop writing with a few fresh ideas left for the next day, or you won’t feel like going back to work.
Best,
Hope
I was very touched by your post here. I know this little boy here, is so thankful to find a mother in you. You are such an inspiration not just for women but for all.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
Wow. Excellent post and what a cute little boy! 🙂
Rosie, Bill and I have been terribly upset over the tragic murder of Trayvon. I couldn’t quite express why this event had us so in it’s grip. And, of course, in addition to this senseless, loss of an innocent young man, it is Abe that makes this entirely personal and deeply frightening. Thank you for writing about it and giving voice to all of us who love him and long for a kinder world. Thank you for bringing him into our lives. And thank you for being the wonderful mother you are to our sweet Abe. Love, AB
Beautiful story Rosie! Made me feel all mushy inside!! Congrats to you both!!
Happy anniversary!
Well now you know we all want to know what the “social faux pas” was!!
Oh and congrats btw 😉
xxx
i totally mocked pinterest until i started using it and now can’t imagine my life without it. keeps me less scattered and my brain can rest knowing i’ll be able to find whatever i’m looking for if i’ve pinned it.
such a great idea to use it with weekly meal planning. we’ve been having a hard time planning our meals since ruby came home – we’ve been eating on the fly. pretty healthily, but still pretty randomly.
thanks for the tip!
Amen Rosie, great post!!
I have heard that quote attributed originally to Dr. Stephen Gullo who wrote a book called “Thin Feels Better” He’s been around quite a while now…
I used to repeat that mantra at one of my weekly diet meetings back in the day….there is an inherent problem with the phrase! Who decides what thin/skinny is? Because I was never skinny enough, even after I lost weight…even after I reached my goal weight. It’s crazy, when I think about it! I didn’t feel better when I was thin! And there is a systemic problem when the world is working like crazy to feel better by being thin and brain washing everyone to think that we’ll feel better when we are thin… Great post!!!!
That’s mostly a great list. I have a hard time with the John Mayer song. I can’t listen to anything of his without thinking of the horrible things he has said to and about women, particularly the time he told a NY Mag report that he was going to “forcefully sodomize” her editor because he didn’t like the questions she was asking.
Oh goodness, Courtney. I don’t follow J. Mayer at all so I don’t know that story but there are just no words for that behavior. Glad to know about it; thank you.
“Even when I may react badly to something momentarily, I can step back and see how and why that was not a good thing to do. I will go back and apologize or make amends.”
This takes great amounts of mindfulness, and isn’t easily done. But those times of making amends keep us on track . . .
Rosie, thank you for the most beautiful introduction. What more could I ask for. I am honored – more than words can say.
I’ve been thinking about this post since March 25. I read it then, but something interrupted me as I formulated my response. (I guess I’m pretty busy since it’s taken me this long to return to that interrupted task!) First, your boy is going to be really smart about navigating this racist world because of all you have to teach him about power and justice. Second, that admissions counselor has, I hope, been fired. Such ignorance goes even beyond microaggression.
Thank you so much for articulating you thoughts as related to style. I have struggled with my style and what the importance of it is to me. Do you ever think of your style as a kid? I love how authentic our style was as children. Thanks also for sharing the photo of Iris Apfel. That page from Oprah’s magazine made it to my inspiration folder, too!
Rosie, I don’t care how many cardigans are in your closet, there is NO WAY you will ever qualify as a “boring mom.” You are a “girl with flair” in every fiber of your being!! JUST LET IT SHINE, LADY!!
Rosie, your mom is the best. “Peace is an illusion.” But we KNOW some people are able to find it, right? My guess is these people are all meditating in an ashram in India without little boys running around outside their chest. Love you to “peaces.” Jenny
I’m currently struggling with this issue too! Few days ago I found an idea: use an item (I use a lucky charm, as a symbol of the loving thoughts of a friend), hold it in the hand, and concentrate on what you wish to experience (I choose “confidence” – confidence that everything will be good, even if it doesn’t seem so). I tied it around my wrist. During the day I would notice it from time to time – and remember “confidence” – and experience for one second confidence (autosuggestion?) resulting in peace. These few seconds of peace here and there keep me from driving crazy.
wow! You really hit the needle on the head with this one. You really highlighted on how important it is for parents, especially parents of children of color ,to raise a well prepared child. My parents did the best they could but looking back they raised me to not know how to react, how to hold my head up high when I was being characterized and judged for the color of my skin. In this world it is so easy to be swallowed by prejudgments and categorizations mixed all up with low expectations measured against white superiority but one thing that cannot be changed or meddled with is an individual that stands strong in their principles and the uniqueness of their identity. This is what I hope to teach my children. We can not change the historical hierarchy but let us change our generation to know what they will confront and prepare them with the tools to properly approach it.
I was so upset about Trayvon Martin. As a mother of two black boys, I felt a sense of hopelessness. Just to think how this young boys life, his future, was taken from him because of prejudgements. I immediately had a strong talk with my 12 yr old. My heart aches for his family. On another note it is very important to recognize all of the people who have come out to speak out against this.
You are a beautiful mother.
Your writings always move me.
-Gladira
So well express, Gladira. And you are a pretty beautiful mom yourself. You are so loved!
Touching post. Thank you for sharing. I am Black and Japanese and have 3 beautiful black sons and I fear for them as well. It’s not a fear that is pervasive but something subconscious that drifts out from time to time like. Hopefully, the Martin’s Tragedy will result in people being more open with each other and diminish attitudes about race.
Your son is very lucky to have such a wise Mom and he’s beautiful to boot.
This is exactly my hope, too, Suz. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words!
This is the 4th blog I have read of yours. My daughter Samantha is a student in your Body Image course and told me to start reading your blog. I find your writings to be so inspirational and real life. I have been under more stress at work and in life than ever and need to make over my life so I can regain my body and mind. I cant wait to read more if your writings and am glad you’re feeling better. I also think I’m heading out tomorrow to get some good vitamins and start taking care of me.
Here via Twitter. I have been interested in international adoption for a long time, but coming from a place of white privilege I have never thought about the difficult conversations I might have to have with a child who does not look like me or my husband. Thank you for sharing your personal story – having attended college in the early 2000’s your experience sounds like something out of the 1960’s to me – it’s hard for me to believe that people would make such assumptions about you based on race; yet I’m sure that it’s still happening today to minority students all over the United States.
Hi Heather! Thanks so much for your comment. International adoption has been an incredible gift in our lives– especially because it has made us be so deliberate about culture, race, privilege, etc. What all kids need are earnest effort and the fearlessness to both see what’s real, defy it and change it. And you are absolutely right- there are still so many assumption about race in our country (I graduated from college in ’96). But intentional people can change that. Thank you for your earnest, intentional nature! I wish you all the very best on your journey!
Barrie, Thanks so much for reading (and sharing). I’ve loved having Samantha in class; you’ve raised a lovely young lady! I appreciate your kind words about my writing and am glad that my blog has been helpful to you. It seems you’ve honed in on something you really need– a bit more room and time and care in your life and less of the stress. Do start that life makeover– even that simple step of starting vitamins tomorrow can be a revolutionary first step. You know what you need. Now the key is to give it to yourself. Wishing you all the best!
Glad your on the mend 🙂
He’s getting so big!!
Thank you for sharing these news Rosie! What a relief! It is kind of weird I feel so concerned as I don’t know you personally, but you’re a wonderful heart-warming sunshine in this world – I just can’t help but feel happy that you feel better!
August may seem far away from now, but in a few years, looking back, it will make no difference if June or August. The only fact that matters is that you will recover and feel fully yourself again! Be patient with yourself – Rome wasn’t built in a day. You will do it!
YES! I have most definitely been living in my head the majority of the time. It wasn’t until taking the job that I have now (and am completely unhappy with) that I began listening to my body. My body has really been fighting back as of late and telling me the 20 or so pounds that I’ve gained since August are not acceptable. How did I hear it? It told me that for now, running hurts my knees and hips, so it seems happy instead to let me work out on the elliptical and spin bike. After too many stress induced panic like attacks (yes from work), my body has said no more. It’s not going to be victimized and feel like hell everyday. My body says you need “you” time to get back to who you were. And that’s exactly what I’m on a mission to do. Retake me. Thanks for re-posting this!
Rosie, so you know my daughter. That is the same child who turned to me when she was 16 years old and got mad because I wouldn’t let her go somewhere with her friends. I didn’t think the environment was where I wanted her to be. So, in turn,she called me an “overprotective hen.” Wow.. that was hurtful (at the time). I reminded her that I had kept her rear end safe for just over 16 years and that clearly, I was doing something right. While I distinctly remember her huffing off away from me, after reading your entry, what I realized was this – she knew then that I was right. Don’t get me wrong – letting her go when it was time to bring her to college was heart wrenching. I worried constantly and like you, wanted to scream GET BACK HERE! Yet, I have to have faith in all the lessons I provided while she was growing up and hope that those are the same lessons that keep her safe and allow her to make smart decisions (yes, I’m guilty of saying “do not walk through the woods.” …. I’ll admit it). I will always strive to protect her, but like you – strive to protect my own heart.
I love this quote, and what wonderful articles. Something every girl needs to read and really let sink in! You’ve got a great talent in expressing yourself!
Come on over and follow my color blog I think you’d totally enjoy it!
xoxo
Aarean
colorissue.blogspot.com
I love this idea! (I’m such a list maker anyway). My youngest is a rising second grader who loves to try new things, but doesn’t always love to do the everyday things that are important. I think we’ll start brainstorming our Summer of Intentionality now, too. My middle child reminded me just last night that I used to require 1 hour of music (listening, playing…any music) and 1 hour of reading each day during her summers growing up – she wondered if I would do the same for her little sister. I think I have a more interesting and engaging plan now. Thank you!
Can’t wait to hear how it goes at your house, Melisa!
I love this idea. For years we have done sort of a bucket list for the summer and written down all the things we wanted to do. But I love the idea of having to complete something else (learning thing) to earn the rewards. Definately going to do this!
How old are your boys, Teresa? I’d love to hear what they choose at your house and how it goes!
#1 finalize the front garden
#2 sew at least one piece of clothing for my daughter’s dolls
#3 find and keep a doable work-play-rythm in the afternoons.
I love this list of goals, Cecile. Is your front garden veggies, herbs, flowers, a mix? Also, I’d love to hear abut your work, play rhythm for afternoons. I am trying to find that right rhythm, too, since my little guy dropped his nap but I need a little bit of time to tend to stuff that is more workish.
Well, I was just about to actualize my list for this month…. I’ve found out that I carry a tiny little new life in me! It’s so wonderful! I had already 2 pregnancies that did not come to a birth, so let’s see what will come out this time.
My new list for May is:
#1 give myself and the one in me all that we need (healthy food, as less stress as possible, rest,…) and be faithful even if things wouldn’t turn out the way I wish.
#2 find ways to give my daughter everyday quality time and love – all the more important as I am not fit so far.
#3 delegate the work in the front garden!….
Our garden is quite small but we love it! It’s our adult-playground, we experience with different plants. It grows and changes with our dreams. It’s a reflection of who we are and what we like. We have
– on the sunny south-side : some square meters with vegetable and strawberries as well as some herbs and flowers,
– some trees and shrubs for fruit, some others for decorative purpose,
– some square meters of grass to play and rest, including a sandbox,
– and on the north-side the “front garden” with flowers and herbs, for decorative purpose, using preferently good smelling plants, as we like to enjoy with all of our senses…
What do you have in your garden? Which are your favorite spots?
As for the work-play-rythm, I’ll tackle it later…
Congratulations, Cecile. I loved your revised goals in light of this news. Wishing you all the best in the coming months. And your garden? Sounds fabulous. We have a veggie garden that I actually am behind on planting. But, truth be told, I started it a few years ago in honor of Happy’s birth mother and since Birth Mother Day is coming up (Saturday), I am not really behind at all. I don’t have more of a green thumb than that and we have enormous oaks that suck all the moisture out of our yard so we have a hard time just keeping grass alive but the veggie garden thrills me! Keep me posted on how you are doing as you can! Sending you lots of love and light!
i would have been screaming like a crazy woman too, i get chills just reading it uhuh!
I’m not sure what to think about this. It’s a lovely idea on the surface but I think the problem with defining “bad” as “catastrophic” is that it doesn’t give us any room to accept and process our smaller – but no less valid – negative emotions. No, someone yellng at me at work is not the same as a week-long hospitalization or the utterly devastating death of my best friend two years ago. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t very real in the moment and that it doesn’t have a very real affect on me. It is insignificant by comparison, but thank god for that – living daily life with that kind of badness would quickly drive one round the bend. Small badness can’t touch you when the big badness is in full swing. But that doesn’t make you untested if the small badness rankles a little (or a lot) when times are generally better. You don’t have to look at every bad thing that happens and think, “Wwell, no one I love has died today, so what am I complaining for?” That strikes me a very defeatist. I think we can define good as so much more than the absence of devastation, and that’s not possible unless we let ourselves admit that sometimes things suck – but unlike the times when true catastrophe strikes, we can go to sleep tonight and it will probably be all better tomorrow.
Hi Shaye! Thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciate it. It is very important to feel what we feel and to accurately label it– so there are moments that are bad, that things sometimes just suck. And I did tell my students that sometimes things just pile up in the “sucks” category, but it doesn’t have to change me- my general confidence, how I interact with them, how I am in the world- because I have perspective that things, circumstances suck- not me. Unfortunately, some of my students are at a place where if they wake up late, it’s a reflection of their character, of their greater whole or that anything unfortunate is epically bad and has made their life or themselves unbearable. Even when it’s personal- they forget to write a paper, let’s say, I want to share with them that they can have the perspective that, “oh that stinks” but it’s not a reflection on them, it doesn’t need to defeat them, that, indeed, as you poignantly said, “we can go to sleep tonight and it will probably be all better tomorrow.” Love your good thoughts!
Ah, I see. Thanks for your response. I well remember the days when every misfortune seemed like the end of the world – I know that got better with time, although I think part of it is just living long enough and surviving enough days that just sucked to learn it really was just a ripple on the pond of life. 🙂
Shaye, You know, that was exactly what I came to as I was writing this post– that it may just be that I arrived at this place not just from self-acceptance work (which has, indeed, helped) but because of age. I’m old enough now and am responsible for enough stuff and people (a house, a car, a kid, my parents to some extent) that I know just what “suck” is and so have perspective about the stuff that’s just small potatoes- crappy small potatoes, yes, but small potatoes nonetheless- comparatively. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. So glad to have your good thoughts here!
This description is absolutely hilarious. It’s amazing how we unthinkingly fall into behaviors that we never thought we’d do, isn’t it? I’m squeamish about bugs and snakes, but I never thought mice bothered me. Well, we’ve had close encounters with one (or more?) in the house, recently, and honest to God: my first reaction was to jump on top of the sofa. Never in a million years did I think I’d do that. I’m in awe of Carly.
I found your blog via Sally at “Already Pretty.” So glad I did!
Oh, Anne, crack me up about the mouse. I do think that I would be inclined to get on the sofa, too– although before the snake incident, I would have probably said there was no way I would get up on the sofa– I would have said that I would have found the nearest broomstick and valiantly chased that mouse out of the house. I, too, am in awe of Carly. She is really a super hero! So glad to have connected. Thanks for stopping by!
This post really spoke to me. I’m a very much in my head type of person, but this summer I am working as a farm hand on an organic veggie farm and that is pushing me to experience the world through my body much more. Hula hoop dancing is also helping me learn how to feel my body. I realize that I have dissociated from my own body to a large extent and see it as a problem (weak, something that brings unwanted attention, that is never good enough), not an asset/resource/beautiful thing! Thanks for this meaningful post Rosie.
Oh, Rachelle, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think a lot of us disassociate from our body in order to feel safer and, yet, our body is our vehicle to experience everything in life. A meaningful balanced relationship with it is imperative. I love that what you are doing this summer is really grounding you in getting reacquainted with your body and deriving satisfaction from its efforts and its commune with your soul, too. And hula hoop dancing, how very cool!
Nice list! Excited to see how much you have accomplished and look forward to hearing about the others as you accomplish them. Hoping to see you sometime soon.
Awww thanks Jenn! Hope y’all are well. June is covered up on our end but perhaps late July, early august for a reunion?
Hi Rosie! So happy to get to know you better.
Where do you live? Sacramento, CA. I grew up in the Bay Area, lived in Portland and DC and went to college at UCDavis.
What’s a little known fact about you? I minored in African American Studies.
What brought you to this little corner of the internet? We met on Twitter a year ago because I asked an adoption question and you were my Fairy God Mother of Adoption and magically appeared. PS – I LOVE Twitter for this reason – all the smarties are there. And all the porn bots. I could do without those, but really they are there.
Do you have a blog? If so, please tell me a little bit about it and include a link! I do! You mentioned it above – Teacher Goes Back to School – http://www.teachergoesbacktoschool.wordpress.com. I started it to document my journey toward becoming a yoga teacher and discovered a whole new world of writing, friendship and connection. I post about yoga, teaching school, being a mama and everything in between.
What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? My favorites are adoption (duh), but I also really love your living with intention posts. You inspired my whole summer last year! I love the idea of how-to posts. It seems you’ve got some stuff figured out. Please share.
Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer?
Can you talk about your attachment/bonding story with Happy? Fears you face in mothering? How you’ve dealt with parenting advice from non-adoption folks? Also I love all your fashion posts and organization posts.
Do you know me, if so how?
I hope to meet you some day in person. I feel like we are kindred spirits.
And anything else you wish to share. I really wish my daughter would do to sleep right now.
Tami, Thanks for this awesome idea and for such a great introduction. I loved it! And you inspired one of this week’s blog posts– I am going to tackle how I deal with parenting advice from non-adoption folks on Thursday. And I hope you’ll share your thoughts, too, because the truth is I am just muddling my way through! I look forward to one day meeting in person, too! And hope your girl got herself to bed without too much more trouble last night!
I’m 50 years old, and I live in Denver, NC.
I have an infant son, Kyle, in Heaven (died at 7 months) and a baby, Andrew, in Heaven (stillborn at 38 weeks). We adopted our 20-year-old daughter, Megan, when she was 3 days old and I was the labor/delivery coach for her birthmom.
I live on Facebook! I’m a writer/editor, so it’s always up, and I enjoy encouraging and inspiring others. No, it’s crazy — I’m a writer, but I don’t have a blog.
I enjoy blogs about authenticity, intentionality, purposeful living and keeping organized (so we CAN be purposeful!).
Things I’ve learned: Parenting is a crazy, wild ride. Our children are gifts from Heaven and ours NOT to grip onto, but to steward the best we can so they can eventually soar on their own. Whether they turn out great or not so great, we can’t take all the credit or the blame. The key for mothers is not to lose yourself in the process of parenting … because one day they will leave the nest. BUT, re-discovering yourself in the second half of life is energizing, liberating and absolutely wonderful!
Oh, Lee, I am just so sorry for your losses. What a journey you’ve had and how incredible that you were the labor and delivery coach for your daughter’s birth mom. LOVE your take on parenting. Very well-said and wise! So glad you’re here!
Hi Rosie!
Glad to “cyber-meet” you — hopefully one day we will meet in person!
I live on the shores of beautiful Lake Wateree in South Carolina. I’ve been here a year; I spent most of my life in the small town of Peachland, North Carolina. I am married to David, we will celebrate our 5th anniversary this June.
A little known fact about me…I *can* cook, a little bit. I just prefer not to, so I tend to poke fun at my disasters in the kitchen. Hey, my husband’s a great cook and I’m a pretty darn good dishwasher — so why mess up a good thing?
What brought me to this corner of the internet? My husband gave me a copy of your book “Beautiful You,” which I’ve been reading and working through. He knows I wrestle with esteem issues and is a great “cheerleader” for me. From that I discovered you on Facebook (and realized you are not very far from me!). So – here I am!
I have a blog at http://anitatarlton.blogspot.com. I have to admit I have been a little slack on posting the past few months, but one of my recent goals is to be more faithful at sharing my thoughts there. I believe that writing is a great outlet — and much less expensive than therapy!
Rosie, I particularly enjoy your posts where you ask readers to share their thoughts about particular questions. I also like your “encouraging words” about body image/self-esteem. While there are some posts that I can relate to more than others, I enjoy your perspective and views.
I have not met you yet, Rosie – but hope that our paths cross sometime.
Anything else to share? I have a feeling I’m a bit older than your average reader. I am 55. But I guess that’s living proof that we need to learn to love ourselves no matter what our age!
Anita, I love that you live on Lake Wateree– I grew up in Columbia and spent time on both Wateree and Murray growing up. Happy early anniversary to you and David- who sounds like a lovely, lovely man (I LOVE that he cooks and that he found BY for you!). And, if we get some introductions going here, I think you’ll find that you have plenty of company from women in their 50s and 60s on the blog, but you are right, self-acceptance is needed at every age and is constantly being re-learned. Look forward to meeting you in real life one day!
I love this idea! How fun!
I’m Alexis Yael (but I have a different last name on FB, which is my “real” last name. Yael is my Hebrew name and I’ve been using it as my online nom du plume since 1998). I live in northern New Jersey now, but I’m from Northern CA. My husband is an academic.
I’m not sure there are any little known facts about me, but the strangest one is that I was held hostage in a robbery attempt when I worked at a Natural Foods Co-op. I was 21.
I’m pretty sure I found your blog via Medicinal Marzipan, but I do a lot of blog surfing, so I’m not entirely sure.
My blog is alexis-yael.com and I think the subtitle sums it up: this wabi sabi life. (Wabi Sabi is a Japanese aesthetic term, but I use it as my life motto: the beauty of imperfection.)
The posts I love the most are the ones on self-love/ acceptance, but I also love the ones about your family. I can’t say any of them bore me.
I’m not good with asking questions. LOL
We don’t know each other in “real” life.
Anything else to share? I have to confess I haven’t read your book yet, but I recommend it to everyone I know! Isn’t that odd?
Alexis, wow– your little known fact is really something else. I can’t even imagine. Love the subtitle of your blog. It really is powerfully poignant. Because that’s just isn’t it- our uniqueness (which can sometimes feel and look imperfection) is beautiful. ANd I love that you have faith in the book without having read it– I actually have a few books I recommend like that, too so I totally get it! Glad you stop in!
i live a split life between Charlotte and Dillon MT. At least I have the chance to see snow 12 months out of the year.
A little known fact that I am not afraid to share is I love Cleveland and Pittsburgh. Old, formerly industrial towns that were early 20th century immigrant fueled are just exciting to me. They have a cultural vibe that I will say yes to every time I can. I am headed to Cleveland Friday.
I skim your blogs on facebook and click through to read the whole thing more than half the time. What gets my attention in ANY blog is passion. If someone gets their heart into a topic enough to catch my eye, I am in. Life stories, dealing with challenges and problems, sports and food are blogs that I generally pay attention to. There are two business blogs I read as well but those aren’t close to what I read the most of. Any time someone I trust asks a question in a blog like this one has me. Not any question but a “let’s get to know each other” one. I LOVE reading how diverse blog communities are.
I do have a blog. Sort of. I publish in this one every other Monday. http://blog.greatharvest.com/ Mine are pretty business focused but I get into life issues about once a quarter. All of the other bloggers are more food and life focused.
We do know each other as do our wonderful spouses. I hope to meet Happy some day.
I will read your material any day of the week if the hook tells me it is going to teach me more about dealing with life’s stresses with a smile on my face. And, most of yours do. I will also read anything on life journeys. I am still trying to figure mine out…
peace and hugs.
Snow 12 months out of the year is just incredible, Mike. Is the greatest juxtaposition between the two places in the summer when the heat here is so incredibly stifling? Oh, and I have to know, did you grow up in an industrial city? I am excited to check out your Great Harvest blog. And I am dying for a GH in my town. Any chance? I love getting GH sandwiches on the way home from UNCC by Trader Joe’s and I often long for one for lunch when I am working from home. Thanks for the good words on the blog– nice fodder. And, indeed, you have to meet Happy. Y’all will love each other!
I like this idea so much! It helps to feel more of a community, something I need more of both online and in real life!!!
1. Where do you live? Texas–the Dallas/Ft. Worth area
2. What’s a little known fact about you? Here’s a post that has a few things about me: http://penguinsandladybugs-allrolledintoone.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-i-did-this-post-i-ran-across-this.html
3. What brought you to this little corner of the internet? I found you somehow when I was beginning my paradigm shift into body love and acceptance
4. Do you have a blog? If so, please tell me a little bit about it and include a link! Just recently gave up blogging because I got so frustrated when I changed from Blogger to WordPress….I may start again one day. I left up both the Blogger and WordPress sites, just decided not to blog anymore….at least not right now…
5. What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? I love the ones that are practical and about self-care (like the sunshine project)
6. Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer? I don’t have anything that is burning right now…
7. Do you know me, if so how? Not yet….not in person, at least!
8. And anything else you wish to share. I love “lurking” on your blog…always stop to read your posts (or star till later if I’m super pressed for time) when I am going through Google Reader!
Jamie, Oh, I bet switching from one blogging platform to the other was totally frustrating, Jamie. Technology just undoes me– I couldn’t have even tried. Let me know if you get it started again! Lurking is good– and I just know we’ll meet one day!
Hi Rosie, we have recently had a dialogue concerning body image and if you have to accept your body to help others accept theirs because I am 10 months recovered from bulimia and starting back to school for a dance therapy degree. I am slowly working my way through your book and would love to meet you some day. I live in metrowest Mass. I am sick of hearing about how to stop the behaviors involved with eating disorders and desperately want to learn how to live life after bulimia when the DBT doesn’t work, depression and anxiety sets in and even gets worse in therapy, thoughts don’t ever stop, emotions are completely overwhelming and I am empty at the same time. Somethings nobody knows about me is that I like fireballs, breezes, curling up in the sunshine with my dog, anything at the beach, cloud watching, music, hot yoga and Nia.
Audrey, of course, I remember you. I love that question about whether you have to accept your body first before you can help others. Acceptance work is always a work in process, not a final destination because bodies/ selves morph, etc and some days are just hard. I think you have to be one step ahead of your student, client, partner, and that’s plenty. There is something refreshing and approachable about the person who sometimes still struggles and shares that struggle and is willing to be vulnerable in their honest take of how they handled that struggle. I think the best lessons I’ve ever taught in all of my life were born from my set-backs or stumbles. They are also the best lessons I have ever learned. When do you start your dance therapy degree? Love your likes! And glad you are here to share in the journey.
Rosie, thanks so mch fo your insight and your interest.I have been a dancer all my life and had an eatin disorder for my whole adult life. so somewhere in recovery this summer I had the aha moment and applied to Lesley U in Camvridge.I technically start this fall, but am taking summer classes to lessen my load so I can be somewhat available to my daughter. You see I am quite old, have another daughter in college. So I am excited and terrified, but my family is supporting the decision so i’m jumping in!
Hi Rosie!
Where do you live? Norfolk, VA (near Virginia Beach, about an hour an a half south of Richmond)
What’s a little known fact about you? I had my son when I was 18 and he’s graduating from high school next week. Apparently, I look about 25, so this often shocks people and they make (usually tasteless) comments.
What brought you to this little corner of the internet? I met you through an online book club with Amber Karnes, and after that I started reading your blog (and Twitter, and Facebook!)
Do you have a blog? If so, please tell me a little bit about it and include a link! Not yet, but I’m thinking about starting one one day! My father and I are interpreters and have the site http://www.perezlopez.net, which is where the blog is all ready to start living, once I catch my breath!
What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? I don’t think any of your posts have bored me. Since I don’t have a small child, I’m in a different place with my son, but I love how much you love being a mom. I enjoy hearing about your students and how they react to your class topics. I especially remember your fashion posts about trying to find something different to wear other than cardigans.
Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer? Do you have any book deals or projects in the making (that you can talk about)? What do you think the political future is for latinas in the U.S.?
Do you know me, if so how? We haven’t met in person, but maybe someday? I can’t make it to the equine retreat, but I want to try to come to one in the future.
And anything else you wish to share. You always seem so positive. I look forward to reading your posts. When I see you have a new post in my reader, I dig in and cuddle up for a good read.
Raquel, I absolutely remember you! That book club was such a great experience! Hooray for Amber’s brilliance in setting it up. Congratulations on your graduating son. You go, mama! And I would love to have you join an equine retreat one day– that would be awesome! And thanks for your kind words! So glad we’ve connected.
Last week when I came home I got up to 25 degrees and hit 90ish changing planes in Atlanta. It is hard to hit a swing that big in the winter because if it is 40 here, that means 15 to 20 below. It happens but rarely.. I am working on a store closer to you. Nothing definite but close….I grew up in Bluefield, WV, which in those days was a small version of what I describe. I spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh as a kid and lived in Cleveland for a while in the early 1980’s…
Holy cow, Mike. From 25 to 90 degrees is a serious climate change. Wild. So excited about the possibility of a store closer to our neck of the woods. Yum.
Rosie,
What a fun concept. It fits right in with my own goals for becoming more connected this year.
1. Where do you live? — I live in a suburb of Kansas City, MO. I identify myself as from Kansas City because I am resisting the suburbs (no Indian or Thai food out there), and because I grew up in midtown KC.
2. What’s a little known fact about you? — While I’m not an extreme adventure person, I have been scuba diving with sharks. 🙂 They’re astonishingly beautiful.
3. What brought you to this little corner of the internet? — I think that I was originally pulled in by Beautiful You, and stayed when I realized that you were another mom by adoption.
4. Do you have a blog? If so, please tell me a little bit about it and include a link! — I do have a blog, at http://www.healthybalancedlife.com I blog about self-care, coping with illness, grief, and anything else that catches my fancy. The blog is part of the work that I do as a psychologist, and at least one of my clients has referred to it as her “Ann on demand,” which means that I’m getting some of my voice across, I hope.
5. What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? — I appreciate the posts that challenge me to stop and think, whether it’s about my priorities or about the adoption process, or about my self-talk.
6. Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer? — Not one that’s jumping to mind right now.
7. Do you know me, if so how? — Aside from one lovely phone conversation and reading your words, no I don’t. But the conversation did connect us, and I’ve appreciated your thoughts–and keep sending mine.
Warmly,
Ann
Scuba diving with sharks? WOW! Where were you? Do you scuba dive a lot? The idea of it scares the fool out of me (in general, I never want to be directly in charge of keeping myself or anyone else alive). LOVE the Ann on demand comment. That’s awesome. And, indeed, you are getting your voice across!
I live in Charlotte, North Carolina with my fiancee with our 2 dogs (Charlie and Ginger). YES I AM ENGAGED!! 😀
I am an avid reader and lover of Disney and sparkly things. I am almost always distracted by babies! I cannot wait to be a mom but I am holding that off til later as I am in school at UNCC.
You were my Body Image professor at UNCC and I have frequently checked your blog because your class changed my life in so many positive ways and you give the greatest advice. I do not currently have a blog as I am not the type of person to remember to keep up with one.
What is the greatest accomplishment you think you have made so far?
Congratulations, Ashley. How exciting! Thanks so much for your kind words about the body image class- I loved having you in it! And good question– I’ll have to noodle on that. I think my answer today would be totally different than my answer five years ago. That might be an interesting question to answer by half-decades!
Hey Rosie,
I loving this idea!
I live in Adelaide, South Australia. With a tiny populations that tends to hover around a millions we’re often seen as a more backward capital city than the fancy eastern states- we also tend to lose a lot of our talented people to these states as there are more job prospects!
A little known fact would be my absolute fear of public speaking. I do it, especially when I have to, but I don’t love it. Thankfully I can usually pretend my way through it and people don’t see…
I found your blog Ayer finding your book Beautiful You. It was a much needed text in a bad time of my life, and one I return to constantly.
I do blog, over at krjourno.blogspot.com – I’m roughly three credits short of my Bachelor of Communications, majoring in journalism, and I have a fear of writing/publishing in the public sphere!!!! I think I’m so concernced with what everyone would think of me and it holds me back. I also worry about hurting others with more personal writing, but I’m toying with opening a new blog for that form of writing. I love to write, sometimes I think I actually can, and then it all falls over!
I love the body image posts, but also the ones about your family – see above, I can’t write personal parts of my life, so I’m trying to learn to in a way that’s not so… Overly dramatic and flowery, I guess.
Again, I love this Rosie, thanks!
Kat
Kat, your blogging reminded me of a conversation that I had with my graduate school advisor. I went into grad school as a poet and he saw a couple prose pieces I did and pushed me to write prose. “I don’t have any stories made-up in my head so I just cannot write fiction,” I told him. “Then write non-fiction. I’ve heard you tell your stories and you are a good storyteller,” he told me. “I can’t write non-fiction. My mother would KILL me,” I answered “You have to write like your mother is dead” was his reply. “But my mother is not dead and she’s a feisty Puerto Rican woman.” Ultimately, I got my MFA in both nonfiction (essay writing) and poetry and he was write, I am much more fulfilled writing non-fiction but I still write with extreme caution (although an outsider might not see it). So I completely understand that push/ pull. You have to walk the line that is right for you and that could indeed be an anonymous blog or waiting until another time in your life or just not publicly about some things. So glad to have connected, Kat. I feel like we’re girlfriends.
Oh boy, “write like your mother is dead”, as worrying as this sounds, I think this is exactly what I needed to hear!!!
I’m so glad to have found you and your work, it’s been an unbelievable help to me, thank you so much!
It was what I needed to hear, too, Kat. His point was to write everything that needs to get written. If it comes to you, write it and then discern whether or not you share it. He’s right– there is a big difference between writing and sharing but what the soul most needs is to write to learn what is known deep inside. It doesn’t have to exist in any space that you don’t want it to…
– Where do you live?
Forest Acres, SC ( a not so huge suburb of Columbia , SC)
– What’s a little known fact about you?
I became an Estranged Widow and mother of an Autistic son all in one week.
– What brought you to this little corner of the internet?
Link to your blog from FB.
– Do you have a blog?
No, but I have thought about it as an outlet. I would want it to be just silly and funny.
– What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears?
I like the posts where you discuss your family and upbringing. I cannot say any bore me to tears , although I read the body image ones and think why does that info just not click naturally in my head?
– Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer?
What blog post that you have written has meant the most to you ?
– Do you know me, if so how?
Yes – Our brothers became friends and then our famiies did too . In fact I remember the 1st time I met you at your b-day party when the 1st Space Shuttle took off.
– And anything else you wish to share.
I still suffer from the clog / cardigan/ jeans wardrobe, this past winter, in what I considered a bold move, instead of a new pair of black clogs I bought 2 pairs of Keen Mary Janes ( who am I kidding they are just clogs in disguise).
Kim, I would say that was one intense week but, of course, those things are never contained in one week, are they? They infiltrate a lifetime. It seems like you handle it with a lot of grace and good humor, though I am not at all surprised. I can’t believe you remember when we first meet. I must have been turning 7 that year, I imagine. Wild. I LOVE those Keen Mary Janes– I had a pair that I wore into the ground one summer. My shoe selection has remained Dansko– I bought a couple pairs of their sandals for summer and they are just as comfy but not as hot as the clogs- and boots. You just can’t replace good comfy shoes!
•Where do you live? Del Rio Texas – 140 miles due west of San Antonio, on the Texas-Mexico Border. Would you like to see “The Fence”?
•What’s a little known fact about you? I am an excellent speller.
•What brought you to this little corner of the internet? Saw your blogs posted on somebody’s Facebook page. YOur body image mission dovetails nicely with the Girl Scout mission, and my mission as a Physical Education teacher on the border. Also, I helped raise 3 kids I did not give birth to, but I dare anyone to tell me I am not their Mom!
•Do you have a blog? If so, please tell me a little bit about it and include a link!
•What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? Haven’t read any boring ones; loved the Birthmother Day post. Sent it to my kids. They are sometimes conflicted on Mother’s Day – loyalty issues.
•Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer?
•Do you know me, if so how?
•And anything else you wish to share.
Somehow, you and Anna Maria Chavez need to meet!
I love this post Rosie. I think sometimes we can take offence too easily just because we use language differently. As you so rightly point out, 99% of the time people are just curious and trying to understand. It can just sometimes be a ‘blurting out loud’ of their thought process and not intending to be offensive. If we assume that most of the time people have good intentions and respond with that in mind, we can often defuse situations that could otherwise be inflamed unnecessarily… I enjoyed the way you have voiced this subject xxx
Michelle, such a good point that so much of this is often just rooted in language use. And, yes, all of us sometimes blurt out loud and it doesn’t come out as polished as we might want it, too, but it doesn’t mean that we meant to be offensive. We are just learning our way through the subject. Thank you so much for sharing these good thoughts!
Where do you live?
I live in Butte, MT (but grew up near Omaha, NE)
What’s a little known fact about you?
Bumble bees absolutely freak me out, and will turn me into a squealing child (even though I can and have dealt with all manners of spiders, snakes, bats, animals, etc)
What brought you to this little corner of the internet?
I’ve been actively working on body image/self-esteem, and found your blog through Already Pretty.
Do you have a blog?
I have a personal blog at http://journeyofthemagpie.blogspot.com/, where I write about many different things. I have a website at http://patriciapierson.com/, which has a blog I use for more professional type posts.
What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears?
I don’t think any of them are boring. I connect more with the ones that deal with body image and living life with intention.
Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer?
No
Do you know me, if so how?
No
And anything else you wish to share.
I won a copy of your book, Beautiful You, from your blog when I first started following (one of the few things I’ve ever won!). I’ve been steadily going through it and it has been extremely helpful. Thanks!
I have learned that when I am feeling defensive, it’s time to take a deep breath and retreat. It’s time to see what’s going on on a deeper level. Thanks for this.
Shockingly, I have a lot of opinions about this, because I’m walking this path, too. Like you, we do a lot of smiling and nodding. Perhaps wrongly, we’re also just keeping our mouths shut about issues and our approach to addressing them. Friends and family mean so well, so often, but it’s exhausting to rehash the story and explain. You know that I’m happy to talk about adoption and everything that comes with it, but sometimes I just need to be Mommy, not the adoption educator. It’s a tough balance to strike, and part of me hates that this is making me more reticent – but perhaps it’s making me more diplomatic?!
Smile and nodding (which is usually how both assume right intention and not engaging crazy can look) is actually a great tool to have in the tool kit. I completely agree, Arina. And, yes, some days you just want to be mommy. Once, our first summer as a family, we were stopped 43 times on the beach one day to be questioned about adoption- some were very short conversations and others were longer but it was probably the most exhausting vacation day I’ve ever had. With a conspicuous adoption, we don’t always get to pass by, unnoticed, but I can choose how much I engage in the conversation and I try to remind myself of that.
Wow, this post touches me so deeply! It is balm for the soul!
My daughter had to have surgery as she were 5 weeks old, she stayed at the hospital 3 weeks long, could not see her parents 24/24, and she was not allowed to drink anything – the true nightmare of a newborn baby, besides the physical pain that she could not understand. As she finally came home, she was completely lost, refused to eat, to sleep, cried for hours…. 6 months long.
Part of our family thought that we gave the baby too much attention, too much physical contact and that we should let her cry. Other ones did not give so much of an advice but their body language taught us that we were doing it all wrong.
Very difficult as new parents to find our own way. We so often felt very insecure. We were sleep deprived, exhausted, I cried almost every evening. But we did what we thought would be the best. And, indeed, we did it right: we dared to do it on our own way, being truly ourselves, considering the uniqueness of each of us. This is the best that parents could do!
Few months later I read “Beautiful you”. You encourage us to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and find the article that resonates into our heart. I found “mine”: Article 26, (3) Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.
This little sentence truly liberated me from the pression of these good intended advices from family, friends and other ones. As you say:
“That constant advice to “do it this way” has NOTHING to do with you.. ”
It is so great that you write about this issue here Rosie! As new parents we felt so alone, though we would have appreciated so much to know that other parents are dealing with the same issue. Your post is once again such a wonderful all-time message of hope for so many people!
Cecile, you are exactly right– daring to do it in our own way, considering the uniqueness of your family is exactly the best that parents can do. You learned that lesson in such a hard way but you share it so profoundly. Thank you. It is indeed so helpful when we don’t keep our secrets, when we share what we are going through so we can each learn from each other and know that we are not alone. And love that you found YOUR statement in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights!
Ok, so I’m definitely late to the party here, but better late than never 🙂
Hi Rosie, I’m Barrie. I live in Waxhaw, NC and I’m originally from Brooklyn, NY. I’ve been here since 2005. A little known fact about me is that I think there is an athlete inside of me screaming to get out. It came out once and stayed around long enough for me to run 5K’s, 5 mile races and one 15K (during the dead of winter and through which I thought I was going to die), though has since disappeared and is looking for a way out again. I also have a very strong passion to write and to one day collaborate with my daughter on a book.
I made my way to this little corner of the internet through my daughter Samantha who just completed your Body Image course at UNC Charlotte.
I have a blog, Life Stories from the Corner Cafe, http://coffeeshoptales.wordpress.com/
I write about the things that are going on in my life, and that I’ve started to realize that others may be going through as well. I’ve been through a lot since 2008 and the blog has been therapeutic for me. My goal is to write more frequently. People who have read my blog tell me that I have a gift and need to find a way to write for a living. I currently work at a job that I hate and that causes me immense stress. It would be my goal to find a way to further what is not only my dream, but probably the one thing that I was always meant to do – write.
I’ve only been reading your posts for the past 4 weeks and I’m feverishly reading from present to past. I love them all, everything that you write about means something to me. I think the ones surrounding body image are my favorites though because it is something that I have struggled with my entire life.
As for a question to answer, I guess for me it would be how do you find your path to happiness when so much else rides on it (i.e. making a living). Wow… that was a loaded question, wasn’t it?
Other than all of the above, I have 2 amazing kids, Sam who you know and Andrew who is turning 15 and is a rock star baseball player. I’ve been married to my husband Alan since 1989. My family means everything to me and they come before everything else. I’m a giving person and truly wish that I had more free time to do things that I love and to make a difference in people’s lives more than I do today.
Barrie, thanks so much for the introduction! Love learning more about you. And your question is such a good one. I will take that on soon here on the blog. So glad to have connected!
greetings, rosie.
happened upon your site after seeing your name mentioned in natural health magazine.
i am well into my 50s and continue to struggle with self-image because of past injuries to my spirit. therefore: i purchased your book “beautiful you” and just received it, started reading it as soon as i unwrapped the parcel.
thank you, bless you, for your openness and honesty, your willingness to help women grow and blossom!
* love * ~ marie
WElcome, Marie! SO glad we connected and honored that Beautiful You can be a part of your journey. Here’s to a healing of your spirit!
What is the kindest thing you did for yourself today?
Stayed home because I did not feel great, even though my usual response is to tough it out (until I have exhausted myself and put myself in a place where it will take way more than one day to recover).
Thank you for posting! I will be stealing some of your items from your list for mine. I’ll be publishing more toward the start of our summer break in mid June.
Because of my list last year, I had my best/most productive/fun summer ever. I look forward to spending my time well again this year.
Oh, I am so glad the list was useful to you last year, Tami! Can’t wait to see your list!
What is your why?
I’m not sure how to understand the question.
Spontaneously came to my mind “Because of my baby”
What is the kindest thing you did for yourself today?
I trully enjoyed eating on the sunny terrasse the delicious meals prepared by my husband with him and my daughter – a wonderful moment I’d like to remember! And yes, the process of enjoying is something I do for myself – it can only begin in my head!
A year from now, what will you have wished you started today?
Begin to try to become more resilient….. I know it would be really good for me and my family, but so far I have no clue how to concretely become more resilient or where I may find little daily exercizes. Rosie, did you write on this topic?
I Love the list. what I like even more is that I have already done some or I do them all the time..
Stove Popcorn is the only popcorn ill eat 😀
Breakfast for dinner is my fave
and I live in the Live music capital of the world.. its also home to Peter Pan mini golf.. the best mine golf ever 😉
What kind of pot do you use for your stove popcorn, Vette? And I envy your music surroundings, girl!
Beautifully and powerfully said! I can’t wait to hear more from you!
Amber, thank you so much!
Candice, you learned something so important through your Mom’s battle! And you were so smart to get the message you did! I really enjoyed your post and look forward to more! Tell your mom what a lovely lesson she taught you!
Kip, your words are greatly appreciated. The message came with a cost, but in the end everything is always okay and that is what we must always remember.
Candice, thank you so much for your amazing story. You’re truly inspiring!
Great plan!!! I borrowed a few of your ideas…I added a couple. My list isn’t quite as long. As a family, I want us to fly kites, plant a garden (late start, but it doesn’t matter), go to the local park(s), pick something, and ride go carts. I want to make smoothie pops, stove top popcorn (haven’t done this is forever….so much yummier that way), and the perfect chocolate chip cookies (I printed a recipe from I don’t know where….it is on the fridge and has been for weeks). Just for me, I want to do yoga and scrapbooks!
Thank you to share your story. Especially about your travel in Europe.I’m French and I know very well all the places you talked about :).Sometimes, travelling gives the wisdom to moving forward.Sometimes, it’s a book. Special thanks to Rosie who wrote “Beautiful You”. And today, your article…
Candice, this post is so beautiful. It’s such a blessing to be able to see the beauty in strength and courage and passion and human vulnerability. I look forward to reading more from you! (Thanks, too, to Rosie, for sharing you with us!)
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouragement! I look forward to sharing more with each of you.
i DREAM of a sugar shack of my own. how perfect is that space? the only thing i’d add is a clear spot to lay out my yoga mat and some pegs to hang my props.
You know, Tami, I never do yoga in there which is so weird to me as it’s the perfect spot. I need to change that! If I had a wand, I’d make a SS land in your yard right now. But it starts with a dream. I bet you’ll have a SS one day, too!
Great list, Jamie– nice variety!
I’m really glad that you finally get the documents for Happy’s certificate! You’ve reached a milestone!
It’s really great that you managed all of your goals! Sadly, I’ve totally neglected to write anecdotes from my daughter these last months…
May’s goals were:
– Take care of myself and my unborn baby: done. I have the great fortune that my doctor is really taking care of me, and I could take care of myself and my little darling. My eating habits went from quite bad (before I knew about my pregnancy) to quite good, and I find the rest I so deeply need. I am very grateful for all of this!
– Find moments of quality time with my daughter: done. Down to our whim, we read books, sing and make some music, have a talk, play a boardgame, cuddle, or only lay together on the sofa. We even managed to do some short craftwork!
– Delegate the works in my front garden: the most important is done – the dahlias are planted, and the area was cleared out. I’m so thankful!
Now the roses are wonderful and smell so good! A small corner of paradise…
June’s goals:
– Garden: seed (or delegate!) cucumber, cantaloup, eggplant, radish, cape gooseberry, additional salad, also flowers to protect the vegetable: tagetes, nasturtium / patiently wait for the other plants to grow (I’m looking forward to our approx. 20 almonds!)/ and last but not least: enjoy what we already have: salad, strawberries, fresh herbs, flowers.
– Find diverse little activities that I can do while laying on the sofa (thank you for the idea to write again anecdotes from my daughter!)
– Find inner peace by accepting that I control quite nothing in my life (but everything turns to the best so far – it seems that my control is not necessary! Who would have thought that God knows better than I….).
Bonus: find my way to becoming more resilient.
Cecile, I think I managed the goals because I named them here and knew I would be wrapping up how I did. That gave me some motivation! And you did quite well with your goals, too. I have to tell you that your garden- -from Dahlias to radish sounds incredible. But what is a cape gooseberry? I know i’ve heard of gooseberries but it occurs to me that i have no idea what one is. I am especially touched by how deliberately you are taking care of yourself and, thus, the nurturing it is providing all of you– from your daughter to unborn child. Very inspiring! And I love your new goals although I suspect you are more resilient than you realize. I did write resiliency down for a future blog post and am noodling! Happy weekend, sweet friend!
Rosie, I know cape gooseberry as “physalis”. Maybe that sounds more familiar to you? Wikipedia has also some pictures:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physalis
We tried them last year, and they were so much more tasteful than the ones we find in supermarkets! Incredible how this little fruit tastes… This year the first seeds did not germ, let’s have another try!
We have the chance to have a good climate here in South Germany, rain but not too much, a good amount of sun, and our garden has a wind-protected situation, enabling us to give it a mediterranean touch (in accordance with our roots: my husband is Italian, I’m French). It is really fun to make our little experiments! We love to have a big diversity of plants, but only few of each because of the limited space.
I also love your garden! It’s weird, but I have the impression to know you “better” through hearing from your garden! As if I could see you (and Happy?) planting, caring, happily harvesting, and savouring these delicious veggies…
Thank you for being so warm-hearted! It is really a privilege to read your posts and get so encouraging words from you!
I’m looking forward for your future posts – and resilience!
Have a wonderful week-end too!
Cecile, I didn’t realize you were in South Germany. I was born in Wurzberg and Heidelberg remains one of my favorite cities in the world. It sounds like you are in a gorgeous area– and your experiments sound fabulous. As for the garden tending, Happy weeds, waters, and harvests but can’t plant from starters yet ( he’s not so gentle on tender plants although we did seeds for our fall garden and he planted all that). And I’ve definitely never spotted a gooseberry before. I would LOVE to try one- I am going to keep an eye out. And thanks for your kind words about the blog. I so appreciate it. And, yes, resilience. Are there particular areas where you seek more resilience or ways or places where you find it a challenge? Happy week!
Rosie, I did not visit Würzburg so far, but also I love Heidelberg! I live next to Stuttgart, in a small city that was luckily not destroyed during the 2nd World War and is therefore quite charming – but by far not as picturesque as Heidelberg!
I wish to become more resilient, because I regularly (maybe once a month) get stuck into anger – for hours. Often because of something my daughter would do – like any 3yo testing the limits set by its parents.
I know I over-react, I know that the source is in me, not in the conditions or people around me (most of my wounds are now healed into characterful scars – but not all).
I also know (theoretically) what I could actively do to come in a better mood – from Dr. Bach’s emergency sweets to cold water on my face, from dancing on a favorite song to moving pieces of furniture.
The problem is: I’m really, really stuck in this anger. Exactly like quicksands. The more I try to escape, the more I sink in.
I was already so as a child: I pouted for hours, and only my father, with lots of patience and humour, was able to “bring me back”.
But I hate being stuck in anger. It’s not good. It’s not fair. Not for me, all the less for my dear ones, especially my daughter. So far I cannot completely avoid becoming angry – but I am sure that I could at least become more resilient.
I so much would like to get/cultivate this agibility of mind, this little moment of consciousness in the middle of my anger, when I would fully realize that I have wings to fly, I CAN free me from this anger. Making one step backward and breathe deeply. And then, be able to go back to my good-mood-plans, and to the true version of me.
I figure that if I could exercize this consciousness, this control of my mind, outside from moments of anger, I would also become able to control my mind in crisis situations. And maybe, these exercizes would help me to avoid splipping into deep anger?
I am thankful for any idea you come up with!
Have a wonderful and interesting week!
Cecile, I have heard wonderful things about Stuttgart but have never been there. Most of my time in Germany has been spent from Heidelberg west. But I love Germany. It’s been a bit since I’ve traveled there but I look forward to go back. What a thoughtful look into what you want for yourself and your family. I’m noodling but already have a few ideas. One thought I have right now that might be worth exploring more on your own is how does the anger serve you? For example, do you find that you really restrict your reactions a lot of the time and so the anger is actually an accumulation of lots of past moments where you placed nicer, less real/direct/ trut, than you wanted to in that situation (does that make sense)? I am wondering if the anger sometimes happens because at that point, your truest self is like, “I’ve been fronting long enough with other stuff, now I am just mad about it all and I’m going to let it out.” Does that question make sense at all?
Rosie, did you blog or Facebook once about a family who wrote a list of fun stuff, and then another list of things that their children were going to do to earn some of those fun things? I can’t remember where I saw that.
Thanks!
Happy summer!
Yes! Here it is, Julie: https://rosiemolinary.com/2012/04/30/2012-summer-of-intentionality/ Happy summer to you!
THANK YOU ROSIE :)))) for such a wonderful and well thought out answer to my question. My favorites were #2,3 and 4, especially because I have managed to overwhelm my brain yesterday and today with information. I started on my path by taking Jodi’s freelancing class yesterday. It was well worth it and now, I need to immerse myself in information to invest in the career that I want to pursue, write down everything that’s floating thru my mind and finally, get organized. I loved your recommendations and am definitely going to use them.
I realize that I am unhappy at my “day job.” Actually, I think MISERABLE would be a better description. I realize that what I long for is enjoyment of what I do and fulfillment from it. Those two things will help me find that happiness that I don’t currently have. I am comfortable approaching this from a business standpoint, so being able to set the goal of “what do I need to make to enjoy life” is even clearer after hearing Jodi speak yesterday. I definitely believe it’s achievable.
It’s funny, I always have so much to say, yet tonight, I’m a little overwhelmed because that voice inside my head is saying “leap” (in a good way) so I guess that’s a good thing! I’m not afraid to try this.
I wrote my first query today, or maybe I should say I took a stab at it. I definitely feel like I’m walking in the dark right now, but I have faith that that will change and that this will end up being the best leap of faith I’ve ever taken.
I plan to incorporate much of what you have said here and I thank you for making that pursuit of happiness just that much clearer! – Barrie
Barrie, I am so glad you enjoyed the workshop with Jodi. She’s a pro and great at what she does. I just have a few minutes before I have to log off the computer for the bulk of the day so I wanted to offer you this final thought given your comment. As much as you can, change your perspective about your current job as you at least are still in it for today if not longer. Here’s what I mean, while I resigned my job impulsively, I didn’t leave immediately- I resigned in February to make my point but because I was in education, I wouldn’t and couldn’t leave my students high and dry and so I made my resignation effective for the last day of the school year. That means, I went to work for 3.5 more months. I viewed that time as my time to give my students everything I had and to, at night and on the weekends, learn everything I could. If you can view your job not as a personal prison but as your stepping stone, it becomes a gift– the thing that you gave impetus for pursing your passion for which you can feel some gratitude and the thing that gave you security while you learned everything you needed to learn to pursue your happiness. If you can view it in that way, your energy shifts while you are still in it and that actually makes EVERYTHING easier. It creates flow. And flow is really the place you want to get to as a creative. Hope that’s a helpful thought. Wishing you all the best on the journey and eager to hear all about it as it unfolds! It’s exciting. Relish it!
my name is Julie, I am a mediator and live in north central British Columbia, Canada on a tiny little reservation with my husband of 24 years and our youngest 3 children, the older 2 are living in bigger towns to go to university and college. I grew up in the area, and my husband and I lived in the biggest city in our province for about a decade, which I miss terribly. I am not really a small town/rural living kind of person.
Little known facts: I had my children via home birth, and the second is that I have a secret desire to act, and can cry on demand!
I am very interested in body image and self-esteem and probably found you through Medicinal Marzipan, and i check out body image/fashion blogs regularly.
I do not have a blog, yet, it is something I am contemplating and planning with a friend, to discuss parenting, especially as a minority, as a First Nations woman, there are lots of negative stereotypes and a lack of positive role models and sources of information that are relevant to culture.
I really enjoy the blogs about your teaching and interaction with students, because, I also teach part-time at a community college, different subject area but similar in that part of the course is have students examine their own values and beliefs.
I do have a question, what kind of students take your course? I am interested in how many students you have per class and how often you teach, and how the college responds to your material?
I haven’t met you in person, and haven’t written a comment, (as best I can remember) as in real life, I am very extroverted, but in the cyber world, I am a lurker!
Thanks for the invitation to introduce ourselves and connect!
Julie, So great to meet you! I loved hearing a few of the details of your life and couldn’t help but wonder what took you back to the reservation from the big city. Also, are there acting opportunities in your community? I LOVE your idea for a blog and I hope that if you start the blog, you’ll let me know so I can check it out. I understand completely the sense of responsibility that comes as a minority whose culture has been plagued with stereotypes. I’ll absolutely get to your questions about teaching– will love the opportunity to think about that. In the meantime, what do you teach? So happy to have connected and that you came out of lurking to say hi. Don’t be a stranger!
Sometimes i come here just to get a look at Happy and his smile.. It makes my day 😀
Rosie, I understand what you mean. My anger is not a kind of ventilation of accumulated inner pressions – I’ve learned to hear to my body, and express what I feel, e.g. “I’ve called you already 4 times, I don’t have any patience anymore, come now”. Beeing able to name my emotions when they occur is ventilation enough, and helps me to de-escalate emotionally.
My deep-anger is mostly related to the feeling of a lack of respect and recognition of who I am. I know the why of this wound. Such a situation can occur in diverse areas of my life, but of course as a mother I experiment it often with my child.
My daughter D. (let’s call her Delight), as a 3yo, regularly tests the limits we set. From time to time with a huge power. Once, twice,…. again and again. I would show her the limit. I would defend the limit. This limit won’t move. I’d prefer spend my energy and time playing with her than defending that limit, and I explain it to her – if we keep arguing, we won’t have enough time to read/play afterwards.
But she just HAS TO try further “what happens if I go one step further? and one more?”. I would began to get angry, and tell it to her. This limit WON’T move. Stop it. But she tries again and again…. and all of a sudden, I slip into the quicksands. It feels as if I was hurt, laying on the ground, and somebody would continue to hit me again and again. It feels not tolerable. The message of my anger would be “I feel I am not respected at all. I don’t know how to feel respected again”.
And this subjective feeling of not being respected, the feeling that she deliberately wanted me to be hurt, is one that stucks. Even when Delight (finally) recognizes the limit and accepts it, and changes her behavior, I still have the feeling that only my anger was able to bring me respect back and I am resentful – though I know it is totally wrong.
Instead I shall think “Hey, see, she accepts the limit, her experiment was successful and is now closed. And she only drives her experiment so far because she trusts me and she respects me, she feels secure and accepted – otherwise she would not dare to do it.”
To see my reactions is part of her experiment. I think it is OK that she learns that people may get angry when she is going too far. But I also wish to be able to switch my mood, within few minutes after she closed the experiment. Because she has already learned from it. And she’s simply moving to another activity. She trully don’t understand why I am angry for so long, though she did all I wanted her to do. A devastating feeling for a child. In this context, resilience seems a very good tool.
Rosie, if you come to Germany some day, I’d love to welcome you and your family, and show you the region!
I also believe that in case you would be holding a seminar / retreat in Europe, I wouldn’t be the only one interested…. who knows what’s written in the stars!
Thank you so much for your listening and support!
Have a great day!
Cecile, I think Happy and Delight might have been cut from the same ole’ let me defy things and test out limits cloth. I can’t solve the kid part of this because, well, I wouldn’t even know what you were talking about and I SO DO, so let me noodle some on the part you asked about as I know your struggle a little bit personally and a lot through BF who describes his own frustrations with Happy’s approach to authority pretty similarly and so we often talk about it ’round here. And his own frustration with himself of not being able to let it go after the moment’s passed. I think part of this might be addressed in my upcoming “it’s all just information” post (still nodding on that one, too) but another round might be in the works, too. And, oh, wouldn’t it be incredible if I got to come to Europe one day for work. I shudder with both the hope and the possibility!
Rosie, thank you so much for your kind words! It is such a great relief to know that I’m not alone struggling with this issue! I saw the concept of “information” (not “weakness”?! a revolution of mind to me!) in your post of June 3, 2012 and I’m tickled! I just cannot thank you enough for all the positive you set into this world! Have a wonderful week-end!
Whoa! It’s all in the hands, huh? Never would have thought to look at hands when the legs and arms are being stretched until the subject is literally all limbs, but you’re right.
I’ve seen many a photoshop disaster photo where they end up cutting off an arm (kind of like Kristen Stewart, above). Makes me wish more celebs would appear on magazine covers with the condition that their image NOT be photoshopped. Wouldn’t that be interesting?
Rosie, glad to hear your recovery is on track. It sounds like your doctor got it right! Unfortunately B12 deficiency is so often misdiagnosed or simply ignored.
Check out IS SEEING BELIEVING?
http://www.frankwbaker.com/isb.htm
You know her – my girl that rocks is Samantha. Noone knows the complexity and seriousness of the child other than those who know her background. She rocks because she has overcome learning challenges that stood in the way of so many things for her, including her hope to be accepted into a good college. She is not the girl you can tell “you can’t do this.”
Sam is the girl who will defy all the odds and who even after two years of professional tutoring at Huntington Learning Center, faced her biggest challenge when her high school guidance counselor told her to give up any hopes of getting into the schools she wanted to go to because of her SAT / ACT scores and went so far as telling her to apply to schools who would “love students like you.” Sam ignored that comment and rocked it in class and hit a 4.3 GPA (her graduating GPA) and a 3.8 GPA her first year in college. She’s worked harder than anyone I’ve ever known and has a work ethic that others should model and learn from. All skills that she aquired at Huntington have been put to the test and put to use. Tell her she can’t do something….she will never hear you.
Sam is the girl who will overcome it and do it.
This is wonderful, and sad, and scary, and true, and I’m glad you posted about it, because it’s genuinely worth discussing.
In our teens, and even when we’re younger, we experience weird sexual urges that are best quashed. That’s good for us, and good for society. What’s tragic is when that quashing crosses over into our adult years.
I have a good friend who is a dominatrix. A dungeon of toys, leather restraints, the works. A real-life, honest-to-goodness dominatrix, with a whip and a paddle and many other toys to make sexually repressed men and women weep happily. In addition, she has a PhD from Yale in abnormal psychology, and works as a therapist with couples to address sexual issues. I have found her to be both an amazing friend and a wonderful savior for people who cannot simply express to one another what they want. She is judged, harshly, by society, but she is adamant in her mantra: “Sex should be fun for everyone present.”
I love her to pieces, and find her to be a sane voice in an insane world.
To be clear, she and I are not “familiar,” in the biblical sense. We are and will always only be friends, but we’re wonderful friends in that we can talk frankly about sex.
It took me a long time to correctly understand how I should relate to women sexually. If there is anything I would communicate to this audience, it’s Liz’s mantra. “Sex should be fun for everyone present.”
You have to talk to your partner, and communicate what you want. You have to explore the boundaries of both your body and the body of your partner. “Is this good? Is this BETTER?”
Sexuality in our society is repressed when we’re young, and that’s entirely appropriate. Once you pass into adulthood, I BEG YOU, explore what’s out there, and ask your partner for exactly what you want. Have him dress up as a sailor, or have her touch your cheek lightly. Ask, beg, and plead to have your desires fulfilled, and if he can’t wear the handcuffs and blindfold that you NEED him to wear in order to grab your mojo, move on to find someone who can.
Life is tragically short, and bad sex is pointless. Ask for what you need. Speaking as a man, I can confirm that we’ll literally bend over backwards for you, if it’s what you really want. The angles get tricky, but being with a partner who is willing to commit themselves to you entirely is an amazing experience, for both of you.
Enjoy yourself, and enjoy your partner, in every possible way. It’s a beautiful world out there, and there’s lots of ways to have fun.
You deserve no less.
Rosie, this is such a beautiful, visceral piece. Thank you for sharing.
I love this post, Rosie. Thank you for this beautiful reflection. I have so much compassion for you as a 4th grade girl. The pain of being seen as an object, not a subject, the pain of receiving a message that our womanly body should be feared for the power it holds, is so deep. I can relate to that pain. I navigated it in a different way, by exploring the power of my sexuality. The drawback of this coping strategy was that, in my mind, it just confirmed that what was sexy about me was only my body. Now, in my thirties, as my body is changing, I am given a chance to deepen my understanding of what makes me sexy. I am working to embrace this beauty from within, in order to let it be expressed and celebrated. The last line of this post breaks my heart open. Thanks, again.
Ahhhh, this beautiful, and sad, and touching.
I don’t evewn remember the first time I disconnected from my body, but I do remember being ashamed of it, ever since I was young.
I’ve been through so many stages to come to terms with it – eating disorders, periods of promiscuity, of covering it up, hiding it away so no one could see it. One day, I’m just going to let it be!
Wow! Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable. It is a great story and a familiar one. A great deal of it resonated with me and the journey I have been on (and am currently on).
Wow… Rosie, you have so much courage that you demonstrated here. You made me cry – for myself as well as for you.
Thank you so much for this. I needed to read this tonight. I particularly love this line “I live with all of me.”
May I try my best to remember that.
Regrets? As you say, not really. I’ve taken decisions in my life carefully, and never regret them. When things didn’t turned out the expected way, at least I learned some very important lesson for my future life.
I had the chance to stay abroad – in Germany, for a practice year and to study. It was such a great experience that I finally live there…
I wanted to broaden my horizon, discover and understand another culture, other people -and I’ve discovered myself. I’ve put myself, my culture, my country into perspective. I’ve understood that we are much more that only living beings – we also are made from our roots, our ancestors, the way they lived, the challenges they had to face. Each of us is so much richer than it seems. I just cannot judge somebody else because I’ll never know him (his roots, his culture,…) deeply enough.
Peace is possible if we try to discover and understand others as well as ourselves.
I’ve become much more self-conscious and self-confident than I used to be. It really was one of the key decisions of my life.
The advice I would give about this topic:
#1 You can’t take all the opportunities of life. While you live one experience, you automatically cannot live another one at the same time. Have no regret – you’ll never know if what you “missed” would have turned the way you planed, so why bother?
#2 If you don’t decide which experience you want to have, life or circumstances will decide – so you’d better choose by your own. Dare to do what is deeply important to you, don’t base on what the society expects from you.
#3 Choose carefully. Hear to your feelings and intuition, but also check your plan under many points of vue. Make a pro/contra/what-if list. Check if you have a plan B or even a plan C, or what could happen and which solutions could be. By preparing your decision, you prepare yourself to make the best of it. Your decisions will enrich your life – even if not in the way you expected them to.
#4 Don’t give up your dreams. Maybe you can’t make the experience you dream of at a certain point in your life, but you may have a chance in future – and you can work to make it happen. Yes you won’t live your dream the same way at 20 and at 40 or 60 or even later, but you don’t have to regret: with 40 or 60, you will enjoy and experience your dream much deeper as you would have with 20.
I don’t find that I regret the path on taken much…what I do regret is not fully embracing and appreciating where I was in my life in different stages. For example, couldn’t wait to get out of college even through looking back it was the most fun I have had in my life (why was I in such a hurry)?
Biggest regret was in college I lost a dear friend/crush/potienal love of my life in a car accident. I wish I could have interviened to save his life…but in the end I don’t wish my life was with him because I wouldn’t have the family I have now. My children would not be who they are and that is unthinkable.
As for regrets with not adopting two at a time Rosie…as someone who had my first and second children four years apart…then had less than one year between 2 and 3…two at a time is exhausing and you find yourself on a treadmill of filling needs and cleaning tushies. Besides…that wasn’t how it was meant to be.
“I can’t really love anyone else until I am no longer scared of what my body means, until I love myself.” <– This is SO true for me. Even after 7 years married, it's still something I have to stay really grounded in because I, like you, have a default of disassociating.
Thank you so much for sharing this and holding space for us to explore it.
I was 13, it was the most non-sportive period in my life – I mean, I was really, really not sportive. Several students of my class had signed up for an orienteering race – and so had I. I crossed the finish line as last participant, by far the last one. My teacher took me apart and gently asked if I was OK with my name and position mentioned on the result list which would be displayed at school, or if I’d prefer them not to appear. Thanks, but I am perfectly fine with my position. Last one, so what? I only aimed to participate, enjoy the race, and cross the finish line, and so did I. There were so many students who did not even sign up for the race – I’ve done it. Last one? In a competition, there’s always a last one. But even the last one has accomplished something great, and I’m proud of myself.
Rosie, I loved this post and am so happy you shared it. (I swear there is some mint tea or mojitos together in our future!) The last half-marathon I did, I was definitely a straggler. I hadn’t trained properly for the race but, being bull-headed (and not wanting to let my Very Much Younger training partner down [she had been on of my Girl Scouts], I did the race anyway. Around mile 10, I hurt a tendon or something in my right leg. But by that point, there was no way in hell I was quitting!! So, I limped the last three miles of the race and crossed the finish line almost dead last. We went to breakfast afterward . . . and I passed out over my pancakes. My friend’s father caught me before I hit the floor. Not my most shining moment!!! BUT. It was definitely a learning experience!! Thanks again for being your candid and glorious self! 🙂
THANK YOU! I have been beating myself up pretty much since we brought Ruby home about the amount of writing I’ve been able to get done – way less than I would like – and from looking at this schedule I can see my problem.
From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I am looking at the lovely little one. I am the primary care giver and don’t have a break until 3pm and by then I am usually completely burnt out.
I shall stop beating myself up now.
Seriously, THANK YOU.
Your schedule makes me tired! You forgot “answer call from frantic friend, spend 30 minutes helping her draft email/talking her down from the ledge.” I’m borrowing your 3 things concept (not sure I can manage to come up with3 things for each dig but it’ll be great for J and me.
Love this Rosie…definately going to make this chart. I am really struggling this summer and being more intentional with creating joy sounds like a great way to improve my mood.
Teresa, I hope it’s a helpful tool for me. It has really helped me with an energy shift by just making me a bit more intentional. All the best to you!
i’m posting mine in a 3 part series again this year. wednesday, friday and monday.
thanks for this great idea! xo
What a great idea. I am going through a difficult time right now in terms of energy and mood, and being behind on all work projects, so I am procrastinating like crazy, but doing things that zap my energy instead of lifting it, so I am going to make a sunshine list, and even if I feel like I am procrastinating instead of getting work done, I will be doing things that increase the sunshine in my life.
Riding my bike ~ Walking ~ Reading in the Sunshine (as a break) ~ Hot Bath ~ Visit with a Friend (telephone or in-person) ~ wearing a favourite dress~ painting my nails ~ cooking healthy food ~ listening to some dancing music on my iPod ~ putting away clean laundry ~ playing with the new kitten ~ putting fresh linen on the bed ~ organizing my stuff ~ sharing an idea or helping a friend with a problem ~ drinking a glass of water ~ Eating some fresh fruit ~ Connecting with my children ~ laughing with my husband ~ (and to borrow from your list) Taking photographs.
Hope the Sunshine Project helps to lift your energy, Julie! I LOVE your list– lots of great delight possibilities. Please report back if you can. all the best to you!
Rosie, how inspiring once again! I was looking for ways to track the positive things I do for myself, but I thought mainly in terms of health. You give me the better way! My list is quite detailled… Thanks for enabling me this good brain-storming!
take a long relaxing bath / feet care / face care / body care / workout / walk for at least 20 min and enjoy how good my back feels / dance / tai-chi / play badminton / have enough rest / have a break when needed / work in the garden / harvest something from my garden and enjoy it for dinner / try a new recipe / plan meals / add some flavour in my water as a special treat – my favorite: violet
do something new with Delight / read books with her / sing with her / cook with her / cuddle with her / laugh with her / spring into rain puddles with her / learn from her
do something for Delight to enjoy / do something for my husband to enjoy* / compliment somebody
open the windows after getting up and enjoy the fresh morning air / go through the garden and enjoy the various smells of the plants and the earth / enjoy the miracle of a growing plant / feel the sunshine on my skin / listen to the birds singing / look at them searching for their “meal” in our garden / look at the trees balacing in the wind / appreciate the natural light and what it highlights in our garden or public areas / cut one smelling flower and put it in a vase, to enjoy it throughout the day / look at the sunrise or sunset / look at the clouds / look at the immensity of the starry sky / hug a very old tree / stroke diverse materials (trees, stones, grass, sand, water, fabric…) / move my hands slowly and delightfully in a bowl or sink filled up with water / swim / feel the rain on my face / enjoy the silence
the smell of clean laundry (I agree with Julie D.!) / the way ironing helps me clear my mind, almost meditative / a clear kitchen sink and coffee table
write in my gratefulness journal / hear to Brother David’s video “A Good Day” / pray / light a candle / breathing exercise / write memories down or save them anyhow / find ways to grow spiritually, to know me better / reflect on inspiring quotes, blog posts, articles and apply into my life
be creative by crafting / find creative solutions for little problems / brainstorming / plan and project far ahead of time / move pieces of furniture / finish a long-run project / knead dough of any kind / spend time with my husband , with friends , with my parents / play chest / play tarot with friends, well in fact play parlor games of many kinds / daydream /
find ways to improve our quality of life, babystep-wise / learn something new / make new acquaintanceships, learn more about and from somebody / speak a foreign language, means learn AND practice / visit a new place / find new ways to look at the places I know well, remain curious / read a book or a good magazine / listen to an interesting reportage / help people around me / find ways to help improving this world, babystep-wise (even a tiny something is better than nothing!)
* I’ve read that for a partnership to last, it is good when we notice at least 10 things that our partner likes, and we do one of it everyday. From our list: spend time together in the garden on evenings, massage his head, a favorite meal, a tidied-up dinner room when he comes home, enable him to spend some relaxing extra-time alone, enjoy good moments both of us together with Delight, compliment him or thank him for something he did (from his point of vue: he just likes me to notice it), do one of the chores he usually does, have a good talk, laugh together, plan on some new project, etc…
Oh Cecile, I LOVE your list and I also love that lesson about really becoming aware of your partner’s likes, needs and then making sure you do one every day. That is very inspirational to me! Thank you! Happy weekend, enjoying the Sunshine of your life!
thanks for posting. i just ran out of fiction to read, and was looking for some good recommendations. Our book club is meeting this Sunday and it would be great to have some books to suggest.
I was disconnected at an early age. Got my period at 8, was wearing a full bra at 9 and I just wanted to be kid that I was. The boys totally harassed me to the point, I did not want to be touched period. One way to do that was to gain weight. Sadly, it continued for most of my life. I am now 38.
I struggle to get connected with my body to this day. I have hated it my whole life. While I have good and bad days, it is a battle.
Writing about my struggles has helped me but I wish I had the answer.
Jen, Thanks so much for sharing. I am sorry that you’ve had this experience– and I know how difficult it is to move through it. Writing is a great start but it won’t completely do the job. I hope you’ll keep coming back here for other solutions (as well as my blog at http://www.voxxi.com under Women) and that you’ll share any solutions that come your way. Wishing you all the best on your journey!
ha! i love this photo.
was he using the chair as a blanket or did he fall asleep reading and the chair toppled over?
Hi Rosie,
Last weekend, I sat down and set up an organisation scheme completely copied from yours – I have a hard time balancing teaching at a secondary school, a catering business and an app I am setting up with a friend. Oh, and there’s a relationship, a passion for yoga, and a social life in there somewhere too… Once, I loved writing, I had a blog which died, and I am hoping that I can restart that as soon as I get the backlog of things to do out of the way. In fact, I am looking forward to blocking off time for writing. So thank you, for sharing your system – I think it will work for me!
Susannah
Susannah, wow- you have a whole lot going on. That is a lot to balance. It is so good that you just sat down and decided to be on top of it- I find that having a system takes my mind off “will I forget something” and/or “how do I do this.” not having tonnage that worry leaves me freer to manage the actual journey. I also think it is good that you have a couple things you’ve put off for now (like the blog) but can still look forward to in the future. I’ve learned that I can’t do it all at once but I can plan for things and look forward to them. Everything has its season. I am excited for your endeavors and wish you all the best!!!
Thank you for this powerful post Rosie! Have a wonderful day!
Stand-up paddle boarding??! I’m so impressed and inspired! Is his something you’ve done before? Sounds like such fun!!
xxxCate
Oh Cate, it is so fun. I’ve done it once before and hope to do it later this week. I LOVE surfing but am terrified of sharks (like can’t relax at all in the water as I am constantly searching for fins) and so stand up paddling (because I do it on freshwater) is a new way to love the sport without anxiety coming to play. You should totally try it
I love this, thank you Rosie.
This post is so true…this noticing thing happens all through out life, but parenting is especially prone to it. And the guilt that results is horrible. Last night my little one (he’s 4) showed me his toe because it had an ouchie. I was horrified, he has an ingrown toe nail which (has happened before) usually clears up with a little trimming but it also is a little infected. Ouchie Mommie! My inner critic was alternating between how neglectful I am and what a terrible mom I was. Of course with a little soaking and cleaning, he is all better or at least on the mend. Also, I remember a couple times when I took my boys to get shoes and they needed a shoe 2+ sizes bigger than they were wearing when we walked in. Guilt! Luckly when that happened my boys were about 2 and they couldn’t care less.
It’s a good reminder to let yourself off the hook…and not see them as mistakes but lessons.
Thanks
We also vacationed at the end of June and it was lovely. (We took a road trip to visit my BIL and his wife, who had their first baby the day we arrived! AND the grandmas were there, it was great.)
We had a lot of school stuff in the middle of the month (IEP meeting to figure out next year, kindergarten graduation etc…). It was “busy” but we still managed to find date days (so my husband and I could go to the movies or out to lunch together).
I got my first motorcycle helmet and started riding on the back of my husband’s bike! And he got an electric guitar for his birthday and started teaching me to play, which was also lots of fun!
June was a good month 😀
so loving these lists! they really help me focus on the good stuff. so far, july is going to need to step it up a notch – we’re back in teething hell.
June’s goals:
– Gardening or delegate: done. Most of the work was done, and we just begin to also harvest broccoli and zuchini.
– Find diverse little activities that I can do while laying on the sofa: well, quite a lot! hereunder: write down memories, hear to music or a good radio program, look at the big trees balacing in the wind through my window, a little bit of abdominal work, plan New Year Eve’s menu (I’m not joking…), call friends or my parents.
– Find inner peace by accepting that I control quite nothing in my life: well, I guess this is a long-term process but I am finally on the right way.
Bonus: find my way to becoming more resilient: Thanks to you, I now consider being not as resilient as I want as information… Knowing that, I try to “fake it until I make it”. Of course Delight knows that I am not completely calmed down, but it is better to deal with a mom-wanting-to-calm-down than with a mom-in-volcanic-eruption. So she can use her resilience task, and through it I get the calm I need to find my inner peace again. Kind of resilience through complementarity…
July’s goal:
– more physical awareness, means: am I staying straight? am I sitting right? (its importance has just been reminded to me by backaches).
– find a good balance in my daily rythm, so that I can do what needs to be done, as well as what I would enjoy, within the limit of my current physical status.
– tackle our bedroom and tidy it up, ideally find ways to avoid cluttering it again. Let’s say: minimum 8 times 15 minutes.
Love these, Cecile. And it sounds like you are doing such a great job of taking care of you. Bravo! I loved hearing this update on resilience and actually have a page full of notes for a resilience post. I just need to put my fingers to the computer for it! I think it’ll be up next week. Now, I am dying to know about your New Year’s menu and what your celebration is typically like– who attends, what time do you dine, what happens after dinner, etc! And I am so with you on the clutter busting!
Oh, I’m so eager to read your post about resilience! Thank you so much that you took the time and worked on it!
For New Year Eve’s, we will be at home, our home! Something brand new for us, as we usually spend the holidays at our parents’ / -in-laws’. Well, the due date for the baby is 28th of December…. Anyhow, we will have to improvise a bit! My parents-in-law will come for Christmas, and my parents for New Year. I’d love to have more guests but with the upcoming birth, it would be too much….
In the ideal case that Baby would still not be born on New Year’s Eve, we could follow the plan: in the afternoon, we will have a hot chocolate or coffee while building a snowman (if there is snow! otherwise short walk in the neighbourhood). Afterwards, we will put our festive clothes (no cocktail dress however! Only something a little more dressed-up than usually), and begin with the evening. It will be a fish/mushroom-menu, beginning with “apéritif”, typical french part of a festive meal. Then lots of small dishes as a buffet, some of them classic, some more adventurous, like “frozen thuna-cream on ratatouille”. All are quick and easy to do, and some can be prepared ahead of time. I still don’t know exactly what I’d like as main dish, maybe a fish filet with mustard sauce or beurre blanc, let’s see. Then plate of cheese and green salad (typical French). For dessert I felt in love with a “rolled biscuit with rose-coloured sugar and blackcurrant mascarpone”…
We also prepare little sketches, and we will play them during the evening – for our family, about our family, a kind of little tailored-made comedy evening. I also plan a “digestive” break during the meal in order to have a short walk with laterns and songs, I think Delight will especially enjoy it. We probably won’t be the only ones outside. At midnight, Champagne, and good-luck-kiss under the hanging bust of misteltoe (French tradition). People outside will make fireworks (German tradition), and we’ll great each others.
What does your New Year Eve look like? Do you have favorite traditions?
Have a wonderful week-end!
Oh my goodness, Cecile. What a great New Year’s! I love how all of your cultures show up in it. Sadly, our New Year’s are nothing too exciting. We cook a nice dinner for the two of us after Happy goes down and then we’re in bed well before midnight. I usually try to stay up and wake BF up right before midnight for a New Year’s kiss. That is the end of our excitement, but you might be just the inspiration I need to create a more interesting new year!
I loved that my grand kids came for a visit from Florida, and I have a brand new little grandson to love!
Karen,
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I totally agree-
WOMEN have way too much to offer–SIZE shouldn’t be the most important thing.
Tight hugs!!!
Words are so powerful – whether we say them to ourselves or to others. I practice replacing “have to” with “want to” or “choose to”, eliminating “try” and instead focusing on “doing” – or being honest and saying “no”, and I’ve learned that the word “but” erases everything that preceded it, and that in nearly every case “but” can be replaced with “and”.
Thanks for an empowering website and blog!
Oh, these are great replacements, Lisa. I just love them. And you are so right about “but.” Thanks so much for these great points!
Rosie, your vision boards seem to be really empowering! Thank you for the inspiration! How do you process to make them? I mean: I tend to be such a perfectionist, I’m not sure “how long” I should work on it and feel done. Do you have a time limit? A limit in term of how many magazines you use or so? Or do you simply collect pictures and text until you feel satisfied with what you have? Have a wonderful day!
Cecile, I LOVE doing vision boards as I do think it is empowering to claim what you see for yourself. And you can do them any time, you certainly don’t need to wait for the new year. I would say that you should give yourself a create date (so, let’s say August 1) and from now until your create date, you collect images and words. I just cut mine as I go through magazines and put them in a bag. Then on create date, I go through them all at once and see what resonates, what shows up more than once, etc. You’ll begin to see a bit of a message come up and make it right then. It usually takes a couple hours. If I were to break it down into steps, it would look like this”
1. Start with a diverse array of magazines (friends and family give me their back copies). Go through and pull words and images that resonate with you. Don’t over think it. Just gather everything that speaks to you and collect it in one place. I typically drop everything into a Ziploc storage bag.
2. When you feel you have enough material to work from, gather your supplies. You need scissors and double-stick tape or glue. You will also want a poster board or foam board. I prefer foam boards for their size and shape and they are easy to rest on windowsills or the top of door frames.
3. Lay all of your words and images out before you and look for duplicated messages, images, and synchronicity. Hone in on the words and images that most resonate with you and then create your vision board.
4. Display your vision board in a location where it will regularly catch your eye so that it can serve as a gentle reminder of what you want for yourself this year. Enjoy!
Hope this helps! Let me know if you make one; I’d love to hear about it!
Oh, thank you SO MUCH Rosie! I already began to collect little treasures, and thanks to your explanations I now know how to go ahead! It’s exactly what I need! And with the normal daily family chaos winking after Baby’s birth, I sure will need reminders of who I am, to have the right (authentic) attitude throughout days! Have a wonderful day!
Done! I was so delighted by the process, and I am totally delighted by the result! By visualizing what I wish, I know exactly who I am. And by knowing who I am, I know why I wish those things for my life. So I am fully motivated to make good choices, priorize issues the right way for my life, day after day! It really increases my self-awareness, which enables me to live more consciously.
Thank you so much for this wonderful concept and the explanations on how to do it!
Yellow Brick Road by Kris Delmhorst needs to be added. Lyrics: “I’m not on no yellow brick road/ I gotta mind and a heart and guts of my own/ not looking for no one to set me free.”
I would also point to most songs by Natasha Beddenfield an India Arie.
Ani DiFranco has song after empowering son about being a woman; Gratitude, Make them Apologize, Willing to Fight, Blood in the a boardroom, Born a Lion, Out of Range, Face up and Sing, Not a Pretty Girl, The Million You Never Made, 32 Flavors, Asking too Much, Joyful Girl, Two Little Girls, Swan Dive, Angry Anymore
I also love Joss Stone’s “Free Me” Kat Nash’s “Merry Happy” and most everything by Tuneyards, especially Killa
Love this: “We each have a purpose that is uniquely ours.”
What a wonderful post. Women talking honestly about their body image is such a radical and awesome thing.
Love this idea of self-care and self-acceptance as a means of paving the way to becoming your best self. Too often we both beat ourselves up and become self-sacrificing to the point where we can’t function to our full potential. It’s time we get out of our own ways in order to accomplish this! Life is too short. What a great post!
Thank you so much for inviting me to do this, Rosie! I love and appreciate you and your work so very much, and I’m honored to be here.
Thank you so much Rosie!
I’ll need some time to try, experience and find my own way. Now I know in which direction I could go!
I use counting 1-2-3 for Delight to switch to a mom-approved-behaviour. We are not using it linked to punitions though (they would come later, in form of a logical consequence: no time anymore to play/read/whatever) – we positively count to 3, and it seems that’s all what she needs to jump into another activity or behaviour, as if she needs these seconds of freedom to feel like switching is OK for her – at least most of the time…. Curiously I never thought to use these 3 seconds for myself! A totally doable step! Only need some practice…
Thanks again for your great help! Have a wonderful day!
soooo cute!! Just how long are those curls now?
Oh, so wonderful! He is a beautiful sunshine, I can feel the happiness he rays here oversee!
Oh, I LOVE this! This is exactly the kind of “small step” (and really not small at all!) that steadily changes the world to the better! Anna Guest-Jelley, this is really admirable – YOU are admirable! I wish you all the best on this journey!
He’s too adorable for words.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Rosie,
For those of us doing less traditional paths, the one-sentence description can be tricky, can’t it? I only blog twice a week, which is up from once a week. My blog is not a source of revenue, either. I write it as a resource for my patients and the online community. Thanks for sharing a bit of your process.
Ann
Thanks for this…I often feel stymied by similar questions. I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want to try and make money with my blog and I think it was a great decision for me, but I get the impression that people can’t understand why I’d do it “for free.” My blog is one of the most important “things” in my life…in some ways I credit it for saving my life.
I like this! I have been there. A few years back, I came to the realization that hating my appearance would not benefit my life in any way at all. And I had to work hard to get past my old self-defeating mindset. But it was worth it.
Rosie, I totally love the concept of mental health first aid! Never heard of it before. Too bad there’s none in Europe, at least under this name.
Have a wonderful week!
#1 Now I know who i can call when Im having a panic attack (plz pick up..lol)
#2 That salad sounds good Ill have to try it ( my friend Grant makes a great salad with pears Ill find out what else is in it and send it to U)
#3 The 1st Book was my fave too.. 2nd was close
#4 Cute shoes
😀
I am definitely going to look into whether there is Mental Health First Aid training near me.
I’m excited about Shine for August…I’m just now, after 54 years, learning to love who I am as an individual. I signed up for your newsletter and I also liked your Facebook page and Karina’s Facebook page. Thank you for this opportunity to learn more about myself.
This is such a great idea…I bought Beautiful You a year-ish ago and started with a bang….then put it down. A couple weeks ago, I picked it back up and try to read one a day….and TRY to do the action step but still struggle 🙁 Maybe this will keep me motivated and accountable!! Thanks for doing it!!!
Yay!
I now have your newsletter.
I already follow you on Twitter.
I like you on Facebook.
I already like Karina on Facebook.
How very cool- I’m excited about this! I just signed up for newsletter, follow you on twitter, liked you on FB. I also liked Karina’s FB page & followed on twitter. Love all your sponsors- some great people!
Beautiful!
I’m very happy to have signed up for your newsletter, and followed you on Twitter and Facebook.
And have followed Karina Dresses on Twitter and Facebook.
Much love x
Kate
OK…can I confess that I feel a little bit like I’m joining a cult? A positive & inspiring cult of course (aren’t they all?)! That being said, I am also a complete sucker for “extra credit”!!!
I have followed you on Facebook & I have followed Karina Dresses on FB as well. And I signed up for your newsletter.
I can’t wait to see where this road takes me. I am setting up daily goals already. Challenges in my day will make me grow. It will be interesting to see if I am *truly* ready to grow. Thanks for the opportunity & the provocation to think! 🙂
Rosie,
August is often a month that I get lost, with back to school. I’m more at risk of that this month, since we’re also renovating my office. I was already connected on Twitter & Facebook, and I signed up for the email too. Count me in. I’m following Karina Dresses as well. 🙂
Ann
I followed you on FB and Twitter and signed up for your newsletter.
And have followed Karina Dresses on Twitter and Facebook.
This project sounds incredible! I can’t wait to get started!
I already follow Karina Dresses on Facebook but now on Twitter too. I signed up for your newsletter and started following you on Facebook and Twitter.
Thanks for the opportunity to take some focused time for self-care and self-acceptance.
Looking forward to this challenge and also sharing!
I followed you on FB and Twitter and signed up for your newsletter! & Very excited about the August challenge!
I’m in – I’ll be shining at you from The Netherlands.
I already get your newsletter, I think, but I’ll sign up again just in case. I definitely follow you on Twitter and have just liked you on Facebook. Karina Dresses too, on Facebook, I can’t find her on Twitter…
I’m looking forward to all this kicking off!
I followed you on Twitter, FB and signed up for your newsletter. I even tweeted/posted on FB about Shine as I think it’s so awesome! I can’t wait for tomorrow’s first challenge!
I liked you on FB and signed up for your newsletter. I also liked Karina Dresses on FB as well.
Thank you! :o)
I most need to embrace not berating my body. Also, though I have incorporated good nutrition, rest, nurturing things, exercise, etc., I need to change my thinking of excercise as something that is loving and not putting my body under control. I have found confidence in myself in the last couple of years, and for that I am grateful. It has allowed me to make drastic life changes.
MAP, what a wonderful start! It can be really hard to go those good nurturing things like sleep, nutrition, rest, etc. so I am celebrating your commitment to nurturing and honoring yourself. In terms of changing your thinking about exercise, I encourage you to find a couple things that you really enjoy and that feel more like a gift than a punishment. Some common things I hear are yoga, Zumba, walking, water aerobics, working with Kettleballs, kayaking, stand up paddling. It could be a fun regular adventure to try things until you find what absolutely makes you happy. Please do come back and share your journey in finding that/ those thing(s). Have a wonderful day as you move towards embracing your body (image) warrior.
Ahhhh! Rosie, I’m SO excited to do this – yay! 😀
Sorry I got all excited and commented BEFORE getting to the end of the post!
1. It’s so hard for me to choose just one to focus on. I think I need to work most on changing my inner monologue – I am absolutely horrid to myself inside my head (embarrassingly so).
2. I can celebrate my empathy and compassion: I very, very rarely ever feel envious of others.
Cheebs, have you ever tried writing down the words that you say to yourself in a notebook of some sort? You might be able to conquer some of those thoughts if you write them down and then absolutely negate them in that same notebook page. It helped me with some catastrophic thinking I was doing at one point in my life.
Thanks, love. <3
Cheebs, So glad you are here. I think Sarah makes a powerful suggestion for getting started and changing that tape. I also think it can be helpful to come up with a response sentence that you are going to say to yourself every time the statement comes up. Set a boundary with you the same way you would set a boundary with someone else that stops the rant in its track because you interrupt yourself while teaching you how to treat you. Finally, we’ll be dealing with this more directly in a few days and that exercise might help, too. Keep us posted on your journey with this as we move forward!
I will give this a shot! Thanks, ladies! 🙂
I saw this post in my reader and I was thrilled. I will have to commit most to the effort to see potential–and sometimes that’s even more about my work than my body. The most fully incorporated for me is the nourishment–I celebrate my fruits and vegetables and I’m a water fiend.
Ann, so glad you are participating! Do you mean seeing the potential of what you are capable of in the work that you do? What you do is so powerful; I definitely see that potential!
My friend ChibiJeebs pointed me in your direction and I am SUPER excited to start the Shine project tomorrow. I am a teacher and my contract starts 8/1/12 … and my life is changing greatly, so I figure this is a fantastic time to dedicate myself to loving me even more.
For added entries, I signed up for the newsletter, followed you and Karina_Dresses on Twitter and followed you and Karina_Dresses on Twitter. (I’m NoDenouement on Twitter.)
I’m really looking forward to seeing the change in everyone as we go on this journey together!
This post is just what I needed- just at this moment!
I believe that I really need to change my thinking to see the possibility, potential, & blessings in all things. I get in my own way- I’m not sure where this learned helplessness has come from. I can focus on changing those thoughts and everything else is liable to fall into place.
I am proud of my recent commitment to understanding what my body can do. Running has helped me to push limits and feel more inside my whole body- I spend so much time in my head that i forrget I have one sometimes.
So glad to have stumbled upon this today. I’ll be following along!
So glad to have you here, sashalyn. Isn’t it funny how sometimes what we most need appears right when we need it? So glad that shine serendipitously appeared when you needed it! It’s great that you have recognized the challenge you set for yourself. It can even become a question for yourself as you go through life, “How am I getting in my way right now?” And I also love that running has connected you to your body. Glad you are here and look forward to further connecting!
1. I absolutely know that I need to work specifically on seeing “exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.” Right now I look at exercise as some sort of “punishment” that I _have_ to do, and I want to look at it as something GOOD I do and something POSITIVE I can look forward to.
2. In the past year I’ve learned to really realize that I am “the primary source of my confidence.” I stopped relying on others to define my worth at the end of my last serious relationship and have only pushed myself further to continue thinking about myself in that way.
I am SUPER excited to be signing this Body Warrior Pledge. 🙂
Sarah, Glad you are here! Assignment # 1 is to get really clear on what movement you love vs. don’t love. If you don’t know what you love, start today by trying all sorts of things to see what speaks to you and makes all of you happy (also see my response to MAP above). Sometimes, you can ask a friend if you can go along with him/ her to their favorite workout. I just know you are going to find the thing that makes your mind and body glad (as a former high school teacher, I can tell you that it is absolutely a must to have something like this as an educator who can give until she gives out unless there is very deliberate care incorporated). When does school start? You are going to be an all star!
Honestly, the statement to let envy dissipate and allow admiration – as a plus-sized person when I do that, I often get pity (which I do not want) and then I get angry. sigh, so this one needs work.
What I celebrate already is my body’s amazing capacity for healing and growth and stretching etc. I have been in a major car accident that I was able to heal from amazingly well, and I also have had five pregnancies and births, and my body was amazing at that. I home birthed and breastfed and had the strength to carry those children in my arms and on my back for years. I was injured last summer when a rogue wave slammed me onto the beach and my left arm was severely dislocated. I am extremely grateful for the resilience of my body to heal and allow me the full use and (almost now) full strength and range of use in that arm. My body has not me down yet, but sadly i cannot say the same for myself. Time to change that. Howaa (thank you in Haida)
Julie, so glad you are here, and I appreciate your honest sharing. I am so intrigued by the challenge you find in complimenting others. What I want to tell you is that response really has to do with the other person has going on and not you; but there must be a way that you can offer another person a compliment without having him or her believe that it makes you sad about your situation. Perhaps you could go with a shorter delivery, “Oh my goodness that dress is great on you!” while also emphasizing the you part of it. Let’s get this figured out so that you can be gracious to others without having it made into something for you to worry about.
And, yes, it does sound like your body is just so strong and resilient. What a gift. As are you.
I am excited about this too, Rosie! I am still mulling over the pledge…the whole thing is pretty powerful. I think I really need to focus on giving my body what it needs. I am glad to say that the thing I can celebrate as already a part of my life is that I am the source of my own self confidence. But the statement about not waiting around to do things in a different body really hit home!
So glad to have you here, Em. You know, you might benefit from writing a wellness prescription- that could be a good system to help you give your body what it needs. Here’s a link to a post explaining the concept: https://rosiemolinary.com/2011/11/28/preparing-for-the-new-year-writing-a-wellness-prescription/ And don’t wait. You are perfect right now. Go tackle everything you’ve ever wanted to do!
I have to work consciously to embrace the fact that I must love my body and myself today, just as I am.
I have already incorporated no longer putting off the things I want to do because I’m waiting for a different body. I’ve joined new groups, started to socialize more and I began a fitness routine two months ago.
So glad you are here, Mona and I love how you have deliberately grown your world. You go!
“To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.” This is the hardest one for me! It’s hard to teach old dogs new tricks! I need this one tattooed on my forehead, I think!
However, I am happy to say that I am actively working on this: “To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says to me (or I say to myself) something harmful.” It’s come late to me, but I’m so much better at this than I used to be!
I’m looking forward to celebrating me over the next month, Rosie! Thank you!
So glad you are here, Kip, and that you are actively working on creating your boundaries with others. That’s awesome. Now, you have to create those boundaries with yourself. No berating. We’ll talk more about that in a few days here!
1. Which statement do you need to make the MOST conscious commitment to embrace?
To understand that my weight is just a number and does not set my value as a person.
I tend to look at the number on the scale and then my day is decided from that..if i have lost it is a good day..if i have gained i spend the day hating me.
Just this past week right before i saw your challenge i tried to make an effort to change this way of thinking..it is a struggle so thank you so much for this..
2. Which statement do you want to celebrate as already being a part of your life in some way?
I always stand up for myself. I may let myself think bad things but i never let anyone put me down.
Vanessa, glad you recognized this tendency and are already working on shifting it. We’ll be talking more about that later this month! And I love that you are setting boundaries with others. Now, to set those boundaries with yourself! Glad you are shining with us this month!
It’s tough for me to choose just one. I struggle with most of these things.
To stop berating my body and celebrating the vessel that I have been given first and foremost, and keep in mind the journey that has gotten me to the point where I am.
I have started working on gently but firmly standing up for myself, something I have always had a hard time with.
I’m looking forward to celebrating and learning a little more about myself over the next month!
Ashley, something that is helpful for me when I am setting boundaries is to just remind myself that I am creating boundaries not digging chasms. Just a little guidance to the other person on how you want to be treated often works. Sometimes, some people need a bit more but a little can go a long way.
If a few of these statements feel challenging, you might consider choosing 1 to 2 to concentrate on each week. Glad you are here!
Yeah Rosie…really looking forward to they posts this month. Definately on the top of my list of priorities…
The statement I most need to incorporate is…
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
The thing I think I am already doing to some degree….
To understand that my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.
Taking the pledge…need to find the right exercise to really enjoy and take care of my body. Will take some suggestions from the other comments. Ready to focus on this instead of just ignoring it in my life. Cheers!
Teresa, so glad you are here. Yes, finding movement that makes you glad in the process is so revitalizing. If you already know what you don’t like, write a list of those. Then write a list of everything you have yet to try and get started! Let us know what you find!
I am so glad that I came across this tonight. Somehow I have missed it in the chaos of the last week or two!
The statement which I need to embrace and commit to working on is …..”stopping berating my body and beginning to celebrate the vessel that I have been given…….. ” This statement is something that I want my life to be based around – that everything I do, think and feel comes from this. I know it will be hard and challenging however I think it is going to be so important in my recovery from Anorexia.
One statement which I feel I am slowly integrating into my life is about standing up for myself and not letting other people walk over me. As time goes on I am learning to be more assertive.
Thank you so much Rosie. Im really ooking forward to taking this journey with you. Xx
So glad you are here, Missy. Developing that assertiveness is an incredibly powerful step in self-care. Bravo!
Love, Love, Love SHINE! This is my commitment: To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections. God turned my mess into a message for a purpose … and I will embrace opportunity (and not obsess on the obstacles).
Yes! I love your phrase, “God turned my mess into a message for a purpose.” That’s beautiful. I’m committing with you on this one.
Yes, Lee! Walking with that purpose and passion changes everything.
1. the statement that seems like the biggest challenge for me is “To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.”
2. I’ve already made progress with “To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well” at least on the nutrition part (not yet with exercise).
Susan, a little every day makes such a difference. What I always remind myself is that the journey is the goal, not the destination. So glad you are here!
“To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.” In particular,I need to work on eliminating the things that do not nurture my body (or soul).
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body. – I am just starting to realize that my body is capable of far more than I give it credit for. I will be competeing in a try tri in a couple of weeks!
Morgan, Bravo on the tri– that’s awesome. Good luck. Please come back and share some of the experience with us. Also, you might be interested in writing a wellness prescription to help with giving your body what it needs: https://rosiemolinary.com/2011/11/28/preparing-for-the-new-year-writing-a-wellness-prescription/. So glad you are here!
I’m struggling with “To let envy dissipate and allow admiration to be a source of compassion by offering compliments to others” so I will be mindful of this today. I’m doing well already with exercise and recognizing how it honors and nourishes my body. Thanks- these are great!
Thank you- -and we will be working on that envy/ admiring piece more soon!
I’m very excited for this event! I liked you on FB and Twitter, followed you by email and liked your sponsor on FB and Twitter. Can’t wait!
My bad, not the sponsor on twitter I couldn’t find them on there. But definitely Facebook.
I so need this!! I have to really work on negative self talk, not waiting for the perfect body, etc to live life! Looking at the positivesI bring to this life just by being me, I am compassionate, caring and loving I need to embrace that!!!
Thank you so much for doing this
Thank you, Melissa! You do need to embrace all those things and I hope shine can be a small part of helping you relish in that!
The statement I want to most consciously embrace is:
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
I struggle with this every day and am hopeful that this process will help me embrace this every day.
The statement I want to celebrate is:
To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
While I used to do yoga to change the way my body looks, now I do it because I love it, because it’s shown me that my body can do cool things, and because it betters my health in more than my body but also my mind and spirit.
I LOVE the place you have come to with yoga, Meg. That’s awesome. Now it is time to come to that place with confidence. Shine is a great start. So glad you are here!
This is the statement I need to make the most effort towards -“To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.”
This is the one I want to celebrate -“To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.”
So glad you are here, Erica!
Love this post!
The most conscious one is focusing on not letting others define my worth…to stop waiting for outside approval before allowing myself to believe in me.
The one that will be celebrated as already being part of my life is seeing exercise as a way of internally helping me on every level. It is not a way to change size or shape.
I love your book, Rosie!
Thanks so much for joining in, Cassie! I believe in you. Now, it is your turn!
Have loved your posts on Facebook for a long time, now subscribing to the newsletter and followed you on Twitter! Those dresses are gorgeous, too!
1. I need to stop berating….for sure. This has always been my pattern. I always have a plan for what it would take to be in a place that would end the berating, but no matter what I do or have done, it hasn’t ended. It’s never enough….
2. As I’ve gotten older, I think that I definitely create my own confidence. I no longer depend on others to give me that the way I did in my youth.
Thanks for doing this…I am really good at “analyzing” others but really reluctant to do so for myself…this should be interesting !!:)
So glad you are here, Kelley. About your analyzing observation, they say we teach what we most need to learn. My bet is that you are reluctant to analyze because you know the berater is waiting to rear her head. Let’s put her in check this month!
I think that if I can learn to embrace ‘to change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcommings, blessings not imperfections’ it would majorly influence all the others. My negative self talk, both verbal and internal, is so destroying, which I recognize, yet I feel so trapped in it.
Even though I still have envy moments I think that ‘to let envy dissapate and allow admiration to be a source of compassion by offering compliments to others’ I am pretty with this one.
Tanya, the first step is noticing and naming the problem which you have done. Start to actively coach yourself away from the berating and know that we have some stuff coming here that might help. Glad you are here!
‘To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.’
This is something I really need to work on. Sometimes I think I don’t even know what I think about myself – it’s like whatever I do or am doesn’t really exist until I know what others think about me or it. This really should change.
‘To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.’
I am already committed to doing this. Today, I went out for lunch and was pretty assertive (in a friendly way, of course) about adjusting the menu so it fit in my eating plan. I drank a lot of water and some lovely herbal tea, and I had a great Iyengar Yoga class. And when I was a bit hungry after yoga, I treated myself to some unsalted nuts, which I ate and enjoyed one by one. It was a good day for me and my body!
I will now get my favorite pen and copy the entire Body Warrior Pledge into my notebook. I remember things I have written, and this deserves to be committed to memory.
Thank you for day one!
Susannah, thank you for sharing so openly. I want to celebrate that your ability to take care of yourself at the restaurant was really a moment of confidence. You have more ability than you recognize, I think. Start to see all of your successes and gifts as moments that warrant your confidence in yourself. Glad you are here!
I totally need to change the inner monologue up inside my head from critical to loving….AND I need to love my body and myself RIGHT NOW, TODAY!!!
I do feel like I have the relying on myself down…I don’t to others for approval so much!
Thanks for this, so excited!
Jamie, So glad you are here. I love that you don’t rely on others for approval but I look forward to your giving that approval to yourself. You are an amazing woman; you deserve to appreciate that!
To be the primary source of my confidence will be the most challenging for me. I find myself at times seeking physical acceptance and validation; am I wearing the right thing, doing too much or not enough, does this make me look like a linebacker? While I want to be appropriate, I am fully capable of determining that for myself without the validation of others. I think I have embraced the concept of exercising for health and not for lbs. I feel so much better when I do and I’m positive that shows on the outside. It might not be in lost lbs, but it shows
It does show, Andrea; you are absolutely right. And, yes, you are fully capable of determine for yourself that you are making the right decision without the validation of others. The challenge will be to hold yourself to that truth. So glad you are here!
Thanks for this project, Rosie. First, this is a challenge for me because I’m French. So, please, be indulgent. My English is not as good as I expect;)
1- My 1st statement is :
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.
2- My 2nd statement is :
To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.
I can’t wait for Shine Day 2!
Your English is fabulous, Marie! So glad you are here shining with us!
I like this one: To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body. I’d like to add that any kind of movement is good movement. Any kind of activity is good activity. Doing some kind of movement is better than doing none at all. And, it is OK to take a day off every now and then. I’ve been doing very basic activities, like gardening. Yoga helps my mind, body and soul. I think that activity improves my all-around health: mental, physical, psychological, spiritual. That’s why I enjoy Yoga.
I still struggle with berating myself and my body (negative self-talk). Also, I’m not there at all on this one: “To understand that my body is an opportunity not a scapegoat.”
Lynda, I just want to go through your whole first paragraph and add exclamation points and bold. Yes, yes! Here’s to embracing all of your greatness!
To embrace: To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
I am so bad about taking care of the body I have been given. I run it ragged sometimes and take care of all the things around me first.
To celebrate: To recognize my body’s strengths.
I do see the strength I have, thanks to loving people in my life who are pointing them out. I am strong!!
Jacqueline, so glad you are here! You might really benefit from writing a wellness prescription. Here’s a link to a post that describes it: https://rosiemolinary.com/2011/11/28/preparing-for-the-new-year-writing-a-wellness-prescription/. Love that you have people in your life who point out your strength. Be that person, too!
Hi Rosie, thank you for this!
The item I struggle most with (I actually struggle with almost all of these) is “To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.” That having worth part…sooo hard.
“To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.” is the part that I’ll celebrate. Although I’ve actually been struggling with this more lately, overall I have done a lot of work around this and the negative inner-monologue is much less negative than it used to be (but still needs work).
Jessica, so glad you are here! What good self-awareness. I look forward to this journey with you!
For me all the body statements go together as what I need to concentrate on. I like the statement that “my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.” I actually don’t know my weight as part of my eating disorder recovery, but I definitely feel that way about my body size, or evaluate my body size in those terms (bad/good).
Jackie, Thank you so much for sharing. I am so glad you are here!
1. To change the inner- monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections- Thinking more positively will really help in many aspects of my life (family, friends, work)
2. To recognize my body’s strengths- when I see all the challenges my family and friends have faced recently, I appreciate the strength I have in my body and all that it gives me
So glad you are here, Cindy. Love that perspective about your body’s strengths!
The statement that I need to make the MOST conscious commitment to embrace is to no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body. At 28 I still feel like I’m not worthy enough to be in a relationship because I’m plus size. I’m surprised when guys are flirting and/or are interested in me because there is a part of me that doesn’t believe I deserve it because of my pants size.
The statement that I want to celebrate as already being a part of my life in some way is to be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two years focusing on learning and loving who I am. I have come to love who I am as a person, which has helped me find a new level of happiness.
Oh, Sarah, yes, go have fun, don’t doubt yourself, don’t punish yourself for not living up to some fake standard. 28 is so young and it goes so fast. Revel in the magic and possibilities of every moment that you are having. Revel in your now! So glad you are are here!
Man, that moment when a maybe becomes a forever. Hating just wastes time. Such wisdom.
The part of this that will be most challenging to embrace is seeing exercise in a more positive light. I have a young child, and little time for myself. When I do have time, I don’t want to spend it exercising! It feels like a waste of time. However, I don’t spend said time doing anything earth shattering, so I think it’s just an excuse I’ve made for myself. I have, in the past, caught the exercise bug, and loved it and felt so strong and healthy and alive. I hope I can figure out what it took to start that fire, and see if it’ll start again. It’s been five years since then, and I’ve had a few starts, but with a family to care for, my physical activity is always the first to go.
The part that I already have is not seeking for confidence outside of myself. I have much love and support surrounding me, fortunately. I know that I am that source, but right now I am not giving it to myself. I’m ready to change my thinking!
I’m so glad this is happening online. I have the book Beautiful You, but again, I didn’t stick with it. Somehow, I always manage to check FB throughout the day, so it’ll be great to see the reminders and have a place to share.
Wolfie, as the mom of a little one, I so understand. I loved moving pre-child and then was so tired post-child that it has come in fits and waves. This year, though, I have really fallen in love with going out in the quiet of the early morning and just being me and alone with my thoughts. I never thought it would happen but I can’t wait to get a morning run in, it’s like this magic time where nothing can get in my way but my own mind and, well, I won’t let it so I am totally free. Glad the online aspect of this is good for you. Maybe this will be the start of a whole thing. Who knows?!
The most challenging, and I’m not entirely sure why:
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
I have really worked on, and feel much better about this:
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
Trish, Glad you are here! You might benefit from writing a wellness prescription– here’s a post that explains it: https://rosiemolinary.com/2011/11/28/preparing-for-the-new-year-writing-a-wellness-prescription/ Looking forward to getting to know you!
I can embrace my ability to comfort and soothe I know this because I have a child that was very sick and I was surprised at my abilities to handle that situation. I was great at comforting and soothing! I need to work on To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body. Wow I didn’t even know I was doing that until I read it just now. I have been doing that for a long time. Ok I will work on that!
Isn’t it amazing what we can rise to, Faith, especially when our children are concerned? Now it is time to rise to the occasion for you! Glad you are here!
I added you to fb and I am getting the newsletter I also followed karina on fb thanks!
Facebook, twitter and newsletter, all signed up!
aaaaaaand I posted that in the wrong place! Can’t seem to delete it now. Oops. Sorry!
I am now following Karina dresses on FB. I do not find her on twitter. Can you give us a link?
Thanks!
2. Which statement do you want to celebrate as already being a part of your life in some way?
I need to learn to love my body and accept myself today…this is the hardest lesson for me. I have never liked me and have a hard time seeing my worth. I want to slowly begin to change ths.
Recognizing my body’s strengths is not hard for me. Even though I don’t like myself much, I do know I have a strong body.
Oh Valerie, yes, that must change. What if you start noticing what others like about you– just taking that in and saying something like, Well, if Rosie likes my honesty, maybe I can like my honesty, too. Maybe do that everyday for a week and see if that helps with a little bit of a shift.
So glad you are here!
I try to make contact with everyone I meet, but as a result of not liking myself, it is easy for me to skip this. Today I made eye contact with the people I met at the laundromat, but I do not remember eye colors. It is an effort for me to hold the eye contact, so I have to focus on that.
The main thing I learn from making eye contact is that most people smile back…they don’t bite!
1. Which statement do you need to make the MOST conscious commitment to embrace?
“To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth”.
This is what I am working on right now in my life…”To be the primary source of my confidence”. But still in need of a mentor to walk beside me while I expose myself through my writing to the world but “not relying on or waiting for others to define my worth”.
2. Which statement do you want to celebrate as already being a part of your life in some way?
“To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body”.
As I make the choice to age gracefully I am seeing “exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength”. I am choosing to see exercise as a way of life and not a goal to reach. But with that said I still don’t always embrace what I see in the mirror.
So glad you are here, Nancy and love your honest renderings. If you are looking for a writing mentor, check out http://www.jodihelmer.com– she’s doing great work with writers! Looking forward to your sharing more over this month!
This is such an amazing pledge and concept! I am going to be doing it in my journal for the month, as well as ordering a copy of the book when I can.
1. The hardest for me–though most of them seem hard–is “To be the primary source of my confidence.” That comes from a life of having zero confidence and most of my actions being done to please others.
2. One that’s part of my life is “I understand that my weight is not good or bad.” I thank Marilyn Wann and the HAES movement, which I’ve only been learning about for a while now, for this. 🙂
So glad you are here, Sara, and glad you are making it part of your journal process!
Oh this one is easy for me! I’m obsessed with looking in people’s eyes…and having them look back….in fact, I am constantly telling my kids to “look in my eyes”…. And I like to say hi while I’m looking…so maybe today, I should try to be less psycho about looking at people. Hahahahaha
I, too always told my kids they should look me in the eyes…and even though all of them are now grown, they still look me in the eyes when they talk to me! I was always taught that if you won’t look people in the eye you are shifty (not that this is true); but after having six kids that I taught this to, I know that if one of them won’t look me in the eye, then they have done something they don’t want to tell me!
Ok this will be hard for me. I have to push myself to make eye contact with people. I am ok with my family but when i am out i just keep to myself. I promise today i will do this..
Hello everyone! I am so thrilled that you are all in for Shine. It’s going to be a fabulous month. Several of you had a hard time with finding Karina on Twitter. Here’s the link (I hope; let me know if you have problems with it): https://twitter.com/karinachronicle
I can do this…..I should do this….I need to do this! Some days I feel like I have self accepting/loving person in my head. Other days I feel like she forgets to “show up”. I’d like to invite her to stay around all the time!
1.) To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
—–I use my vices as a crutch when my confidence dips…..I reach for “comforting bad for you foods and drinks”…I am a health professional. I know better…I have awesome will power…but I think it is about more than will power…there is something in my head telling myself it’s ok to do this not good for you things because you are a loser who already failed… therefore go ahead and fail like a champ. I need to come up with a way to remind myself of my strengths and accomplishments in times like this.
So glad to have you here, Jennifer, and so appreciate your candor. You might benefit from writing a wellness prescription that concentrating your energy on just 2-3 things that are on it for a week or two and building like a ladder– that way your non accepting voice doesn’t have something to berate you– you want ed to do these 2 things well this week and you did. Looking forward to getting to know you this month!
For me the statement I need to embrace in my life is “To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.” Also I love to exercise and I see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
So glad you are here, Linda!
I am trying to “change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.” I have let my past dictate how I anticipate my future will be and, consequently, I plan for the worst case scenario. This has lead me to close myself off for fear of getting hurt but in the belief that I was ultimately protecting myself. I need to allow myself to be a little vulnerable because I will not always be hurt and if I am I will learn from the experience and heal stronger.
I am now trying to firmly stand up for myself when my anorexic/controlling voice says something harmful. I now recognise the voice of my ED which is damaging me and I am learning to quieten it.
What powerful, powerful awareness, LadyEm. So glad you are here and joining us.
This morning I made eye contact with a gentleman cleaning the step of his shop. He was happily whistling and rather than looking away or retreating into my own world, I smiled at him and wished him a good morning. In return, he wished me the same and a safe journey. I felt wonderful! I had made a small connection with somebody. I wasn’t just in my own solitary world, I was part of somebody else’s. Yesterday I chatted to a lady on the bus who sat next to me. We discussed everything and anything and I allowed myself to open up to her, to share a little more of myself than I normally would have. Again, I felt wonderful! I had stepped out of my comfort zone by offering more of myself than normal (but not too much to a stranger!) and enjoyed being part of her day and welcoming her as part of my day. I don’t know her name, but I remember the smile lines on her face and how she was bashful at talking so much. She had blue eyes that had seen a lot.
Oh, I just love these stories, LadyEm. Yes, yes- that is just it, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing!
Well said. I agree. I’ve been a part of an exercise in which you stand toe to toe, eye to eye with another person for a couple of minutes. The process of allowing yourself to be seen and fully seeing someone else is powerful. Never underestimate the power in making eye contact. Love this post. Happy Day 2!
Someone just posted a link to your site and I followed it to this wonderful blog! I’m a day behind, but I plan on catching up. Today, our pest control guy showed up at our door for our regular service. I made eye contact and when I asked how he was doing, I listened. It was clear to me that he had been having a rough week or two from what he had said and as he was working outside, I said a silent prayer and sent him some positive energy. Everyone deserves this afterall. Thank you for this inspiration!
I made eye contact with the wonderful souls on my walk to work today. I have just moved to a rougher area of the city, and I too quickly adopted the convention of deliberately avoiding eye contact. But your post is a needed reminder that avoiding eye contact is not only probably LESS safe, but more importantly, it is missing an opportunity for connection and shared stories, even through a moment and a smile.
I need to work harder at trying to be the primary source of my confidence. I constantly rely on others to define my worth. While I have been relatively successful in many areas of my life, I have always battled feelings of failure and worthlessness because of my size. For years I felt the need to be a people pleaser in order to justify my existence and the space I occupied in the world. I’m doing better, but I still seek approval from my boss, my friends and my family. That is the main source of my confidence. I know that I have a lot of unique talents and skills, but I still have a hard time being confident in the absence of outside validation. I want to simply believe that I am enough.
I have been working on trying to see exercise as a means for improving health rather than part of a weightloss regimen, and I am getting better about it. I used it as a punishment or means to an end for a long time. Now, I’m trying to include more joyful movement in my day. I just learned to hula hoop at the age of 38, and it is toooo much fun!
I’ve had such horrible body image all my life. I am ready to work on changing it and am excited to follow Shine each day.
These three statements are my biggest hurdles:
*To understand that my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.
*To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.
*To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
Wow what an eye opening experience, I REALLY worked on this today noticed beautiful brown eyes of a friend, blue eyes of a stranger, but most important I noticed people, ones who would shyly look away when looked at, ones that would smile because you really looked at them and most important I noticed how much more of a response my children gave when I looked in their eyes
Thanks for this one, what an amazing day 🙂
I spent most of the day inside, but the man at the coffee shop had lovely blue eyes. My friend, who I met for dinner, has green eyes, and I didn’t really know that – how nice to look someone in the face and really see them. Oh, the waiter’s eyes were brown. I will continue to do this tomorrow, I will be out for the day, and I’ll see more people. And try and greet a lot of them!
I’m at BlogHer in NYC with thousands of other women, so today was a great day to practice this when meeting new people. I know my eye contact could be better in general, but this was a great reminder & intention to be more connected to those I met. It encouraged me in general to speak to more people than I would have otherwise.
I made eye contact today, but one of the people looked away which actually made me feel a little weird. 2 brown eyes one hazel.
I learned it’s okay to look people in the eyes, and probably respectful to do so when you are talking to them.
Perfect timing for this challenge. I have been trying to become more aware of looking people in the eye and really engaging them. The conversations with strangers and my loved-ones alike are so much more fulfiling. Inwill do my best to continue to do this.
I tried to look more people in the eye today, especially all the people I saw tonight at our open house. I did a much better job and really noticed a bunch of blue and brown eyes, but not many green like mine. One technician at school had really blue eyes. People seem to pay more attention when you look them in the eye.
I looked a lot of people in the eye today! A lot of people I work with have blue eyes. also tried to make contact with people I didn’t know, and only one guy looked away. I thought he seemed kind of timid, and it made me think about your post and how looking people in the eyes conveys confidence.
I’m reading this later in the day, so I don’t have eye colors to report, but this is a favorite exercise of mine. I’ve noticed my kids greeting people when we walk, or smiling and saying hi in the store, so hopefully it’s rubbing off! Thanks for the reminder.
Ann
Okay… I thought I was good at this but – not so much! I make a point to interact and read someones name tag so I can say thank you to them by name when were done and thought I was “looking at them”. But when I made it a very conscious effort I realized that I don’t “really” meet someone eye to eye. Another observation… I can meet my family and friends eye to eye and the effort to do that is easy but not strangers. I hadn’t realize the difference… thanks for the opportunity to find a deeper connection.
It changed my entire experience at work today. I confidently looked everyone in the eyes, and came to an enlightening conclusion! People have been trying to look into my eyes the entire time I’ve been working retail, and today felt like I finally got to really connect. Gone is the feeling of shame and guilt that comes with being a servant of sorts!
I am an eye-contact person, but today I was very aware of it because I only had conversations (in person) with two people.
Nancy has very light brown eyes – and held my eye contact the entire time I had hers.
Maria has very dark brown eyes – and it seemed to unnerve her that I would try to hold her eye contact.
It was pretty interesting to think about why each woman reacted to me differently. I may have to think on this a bit more now. 🙂 Or see how the rest of the school year goes with Maria and eye contact!
Oh, I think this is going to be tough….
Even if I use to make eye contact with every person I talk with, today was a special day. Eye contact with the guy at the entry of the supermaket. And then… beautiful smile and “bonjour” for a special welcome (light brown eyes :). Eye contact with the cashier (same supermarket) and nice conversation while I was putting everything in the bags (dark brown eyes). Special moment with my friend Cathy (light blue eyes). Always eye contact with my son (dark brown eyes). And sometimes… eye contact with my cat (sure!!)… harder, but you have to wait for the good moment (green eyes full of confidence).
It is what it is. That is one of my husband’s favorite sayings. But I want to make something more out of everything. I am a very critical person, but 90% of that criticism is directed toward me, not others. If it weren’t for his love and praise of myself, some days there would be none at all. But when I read this work for today, I started really thinking about how I talk to myself, and I realized that this self-talk is the cause of most of the stress in my life; I am the only one who has the power to change it. So I made a very small, but very important start. My favorite thing to hate and criticize is my stomach/abdomen…so I made a positive statement to myself about my abdomen. Instead of the usual “oh my god, my stomach is so droopy and puffy and looks terrible in all I wear” I looked at my stomach and said “my stomach has some extra padding and loose skin, but this is because I have birthed six wonderful children…it is part of who I am and part of the reason I have six wonderful children in my life”. It is what it is, so I can learn to accept it, be kind to it, and move on.
I will try to be mindful of my judgments today. I find that just noticing them is a challenge! They are second nature to me…I’m really good at it! I like the suggestion to rephrase the judgments just as statements of fact.
I made eye contact with colleagues in the hallways at work. I realized that I always say hello and inquire as to how people are doing, but I often do this without actually looking at the person. I feel as though I got several reactions today that were more chipper and engaged (brighter smiles… less cursory replies…) than usual. I like the idea that by making eye contact, I’m not only exuding more confidence myself, but I’m also letting the other person know that I value them.
My mind moans “Give up, already. It’s (the dream, the plan) too big for you.” So now I will listen and follow my heart, my Spirit, who whispers, “One more try. Keep going. Believe.”
I always look people in the eye and smile. When I was young, I was very shy and often would not speak to those I didn’t recognize. My mother would make me speak and tell me it was rude not to acknowledge people. So it has been ingrained in me now. I notice that when I smile, it gives others the freedom to also smile and speak. I have also meet some interesting people this way. I honestly don’t notice people’s eye color so I think I should be more purposeful with my contact.
I spent the day with the same people I see every work day. Eye colour runs the gamut: blue, brown, hazel, grey, gold flecked.
I made sure to look in the eyes of the coffeeshop girl. Her eyes were hazel. She held eye contact and was super smiley. It felt normal.
I look people in the eyes the majority of the time. If I am in the middle of something I need to be able to get to a spot where I can turn away without losing anything before I can make the eye contact.
I have already lied to myself today. I told myself that 300g weight increase is fine. It isn’t but I don’t want it to be more than that. Today’s truth is that I need to put on healthy weight and more than 300g every fortnight. I need to be comfortable with gaining healthy weight and stop trying to cheat the system.
I let a digital number which flashes up on the bathroom scales dictate how I feel about myself; whether or not I feel confident, pretty, happy. That didn’t used to be the case. I was able to make myself happy! I knew my good points and embraced them and was accepting of my bad points because they were still part of me and nobody’s perfect!
The line I am going to work on changing is the following: “A bigger number on the scales means I am getting fat.” I will work on believing and being comfortable with the line “A bigger number on the scales means that I am closer to being healthy again.”
I don’t like my stomach and compare it to those of models and athletes (I am neither, nor do I want to put the effort in to look like either!). This is an unrealistic comparison. My stomach is rounded because I am a woman. That curve represents the centre of my nourishment and where, one day, I hope to nourish a baby! More importantly, I am so much more than my stomach! I love my eyes!
This challenge is a toughie for all of us, I suspect. I expect I’ll have to make a conscious effort for some time to change the lines around; however, the outcome will be a happier, healthier, more confident and independent young lady again. I’m looking forward to seeing her reflection in the mirror again!
What stands out to me is to “gently” stand up to myslef when i say things harmful to myself…that darn little voice that just wont be quiet. have you ever tried to still that voice? not an easy thing to do.
I am very pro active with excercise, specifically yoga to improve my internal health and strength.
Love doing this….lets shine!
This is really hard for me, too! I don’t weigh myself anymore and I’ve been wondering if I’ve lost weight and need to get those thoughts out of my head. My clothes fit fine right now, so maybe that’s what I need to do. Because if I start wondering if I’ve lost weight, I might be tempted to weigh myself and it can become obsessive after that…. does this count?
i find this facinating. when i went thru yoga teacher training one of the things we had to do was “being with”. and we stood in front of each other and looked directly into each others eyes for about 5 minutes. No touching. what a challenge! and not a comfortable thing to do at first. but it did become easier and now i can talk with someone and not “look around” but stay connected with that person during the whole conversation short or long! since then i have been making a lot of eye contact with total strangers and it is amazing how you can make someone smile just by looking at them directly and smiling! very powerful!
I can’t believe how i walk around looking at my feet ! How have i not run into any walls!!!!! I tried hard today to look people in the eye it was super uncomfortable for me but i tried i think this one will get easier so i am going to keep this is my mind when i am out and about!
I was right. This is really hard. Especially when trying to find something to wear. And it keeps pointing me back to the original body warrior pledge.
Emily, which part of you do you like? Even if it’s something seemingly insignificant like the shape of your nails, or your ears! Then try picking an outfit but paying special attention to that part you like.
For example, you put on a purple dress and then paint your nails a soft pink to compliment it. Pamper that part of you that you like and are confident about then, when you step out of the house and if you’re struck by a pang of insecurity, look at your painted nails and appreciate them and SMILE. I’m learning that walking with my head up and my mouth not turned down not only makes me feel a little more confident but I also find other people not so intimidating, I’m equal to them.
I’m hoping that the more we learn to like our good bits the more we’ll project those to others. In my case, I like my eyes but I don’t like my stomach. So, I take my time over my eye make up and, applying day 2’s challenge, I make eye contact with people! If they’re looking me in the eye then they’re not looking at my stomach (not that they ever would be anyway!).
We’ve all got our good bits, it may take some of us longer than others to find them and/or accept them, but we do and I will confidently say that you do too!
I’m reading Beautiful You, I’ve come to day 200 so far, but I am so excited to refresh my mind with Shine! It is just so exciting to celebrate what I’ve done and identify what comes next!
1) “To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says to me (or I say to myself) something harmful.”
Tough one, but step by step I’ll do it!
2) “To love my body and my self today. I do not have to weigh ten pounds less, have longer hair, or to have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.”
You know, I’ve just read this week documents I wrote 5 years ago. How I saw myself. I would see my competences but judge myself for not being good enough, strong enough, generous enough,… you get the picture. I was amazed that I now see in myself the same competences than for 5 years, AND I see myself as being “enough”. I’m just right the way I am, and I’m exactly where I suppose to be. This is a very empowering feeling!
For I don’t remember how long, but for a while now (years, really), I have made it a daily habit to look at myself in the eyes in the mirror as I wash my hands and smile. At first it felt forced. So very forced. Then I started melting into the smile and sending love to myself. I think that was the real beginning of my self-love journey.
Last summer I did some intense work on accepting my belly. (Oh so difficult. Still working on it, really, but so much closer to acceptance instead of hate.)
This year, I’ve decided I need to stop hating my double chins. Easier said than done, but I am making progress. Letting it be what it is. I have skin and fat under my chin. When did that become a crime? When did that make anyone not beautiful?
(Answer: it doesn’t. There are many people I find beautiful who have double chins. Ah, but in the media, most people either position themselves to receed the double chin or photoshop takes it out of the photo. Yes, indeed. My chin is not unique, though it feels that way sometimes.)
I love the idea of smiling at yourself in the mirror! I may have to borrow that. 🙂
I love to have eye contact with people on the street! Either I bring someone else to smile, or someone has such a great smile that my smile just gets bigger and my soul is singing! I love how energy seem to circulate between people enabling it!
Today I had eye contact with 3 women waiting in the same space. All of them smiled back to me, and one began some small-talk – she has wonderful, joy-spending grey eyes.
Before: “I wonder what my husband is thinking about me writing this long letter to a dear friend. Maybe he is judging me for not working right now. Maybe he thinks I’m lazy, or I’m making wrong priorities,or….”
After: “Great, I’ve done the work I wanted, now I have time to write this long letter to my dear friend. I’m enjoying it.”
And… my husband only asked if he could take my letter in order to post it.
OH mercy- I’d gotten 3 hours of sleep last night when I had to wake up. My eyes were so burning & red, but I was happy to be up, hair looked pretty good, and I was excited for the adventure ahead of me.
I really love Polly’s outlook! Now -the hard part is to change my thinking. My self talk is pretty negative, I know . I do try to give compliments (sincere ones) to others… Need to figure how to do this with myself. It is what it is.
Like many, I’m my own harshest critic, so today when I saw the beginnings of wrinkles appearing on my neck and forhead, I tried valiantly to see them as they are- my surprise? I still looked like my happy self and all the pain went away.
I love my wrinkles…they are my laugh lines…they remind me that I have six wonderful children and a husband who all make me laugh long and often, each in their own individual way. Thank you for reminding me of that:).
This one is tough, yet my whole being KNOWS its exactly what I need to be doing, I have looked at myself for years thinking of all the things that need “fixing”
Its tough not to look and not be a critic, but it IS what it IS and it is ME!!! One of a kind, original ME!!!
These challenges couldnt of come at a better time, THANK YOU!!!!!
So, I think I did well on this today,
Instead of trying to straighten my hair, I just blow dried the front and let the rest dry curly. And I enjoyed the fact that it’s going grey, I decided a couple of months ago to let the dye grow out, and it looks fine.
I also took a good look at myself in the mirror, and instead of counting spots and scars, and wrinkles, I just saw me. And I went out with minimal make up, just eye liner and mascara, and no foundation. I can’t remember the last time I did that!
Oh and I enjoyed my yoga class today. I could do most things, but there were some asanas that are always hard for me (for instance, I have a hard time getting into handstands), and I was ok with that today, I did what I could, asked for help when I could use some, and enjoyed every minute of it. No judgment of myself and my progress at all.
I was traveling to a conference yesterday and didn’t get a chance to post, but it was amazing how the simple act of eye contact made a difference. All through the airport I tried to make eye contact with the employees and more often than not, they were surprised that I took the extra moment to look them in the eye and say thank-you.
When I got to the conference I felt awkward and out of place since I didn’t know very many people but as I started to make eye contact, I felt my confidence grow stronger and my comfort level increased as well.
Part of our keynote address last night was about youth and children and the importance of looking them in the eye, like they’re really there. This kind of eye contact is risky and makes both people vulnerable but it also opens up space to begin meaningful conversations that people are hungry to engage in. Amazing how it all connected yesterday!
This is why I’m glad for this challenge. I am my own harshest critic. BUT today I started to change my critical thinking. I stepped out of a bathroom stall and caught my reflection in the mirror and started to think, “my hair looks terrible!” I quickly reminded myself that it’s humid outside and my hair was simply reacting to the extra moisture in the air. I could fight it or I could accept it. It also reminded me that I don’t have to look perfect in order to be taken seriously and pointed me back to the commitment I made as part of the body warrior pledge. I am of worth simply because I am me.
1. How did you speak the truth to yourself today? What line did you change and how?
Today –
My gray hair is a thing of beauty, my age spot is just that – an age spot and my changing skin is just skin.
I made the decision this morning, and verbalized it out loud, that today would be a good day. I lasted until 1pm (lunch)at which time I found out frustrating news. It took me until 7pm, with a bunch of house cleaning to burn stress, before I felt that things would be ok.
I did this today with the cashier at Walmart. It felt very awkward, BUT it felt like we made something of a connection, like making eye contact humanized both of us for each other – it felt like our parting “have a good day!” was sincere. Totally worth the discomfort. 🙂
Oh man. This was kinda hard for me.
I uhm, had relations with my love today and we actually TALKED about this … how I see my body vs. how he sees my body … and how I am doing Shine because I want to accept what I look like. (He was supportive!) But yeah, I am smart, I am funny, I am determined, but I struggle with “I have nice hair, my blue eyes are bright, these straight teeth are awesome!” lines. Though, they are true.
As I go to bed tonight, I’ll repeat them to myself. Promise.
Of course, I noticed these wrinkles on my face, I know I have some gray hair. It’s hard for me to find shoes because my feet are so small. Anyway, all these details are not important because my son use to say : “Mom,you are beautiful!”. Details? Forgotten!! I focus on those 4 words and my son’s love message.
I love this idea of using change and bowls to give yourself a visual of how your thinking patterns go! I’m going to share this with several people in my life… as well as try it out myself! Thank you!
LOVE this idea, going to do this for myself and my kiddos 🙂
this was hard for me, and because it was hard i realize how harsh i am on myself. i even tried to be funny with it and say “hey sexy” when i looked into the mirror. i laughed. i am learning!
Today was not a good day for self-love and non-criticism. I am finishing my degree for Accounting, I am tutoring, I am working part-time, and then there are the normal daily responsibilities…I’ve been overwhelmed this week. So today was a day to tread water. I didn’t criticize myself, but there was no celebration. I loved this post and challenge, though, and I am truly adding it to my journal to work on. If only I didn’t expect more of myself than I do of anyone else, things would be better. But if I expect more of myself than anyone else does, then maybe I won’t disappoint so many people.
Love this idea! Just reading this post now at 7:30pm, so I’ll do the exercise tomorrow as well!
I am following you on Twitter, friending you on FB, and signing up for the newsletters. I’m so excited about Shine!
This is a hard one for me. I’m not at home a lot, so I’ll have to count plusses and minuses at the end of the day, which would mean revisiting everything I’ve said or thought about myself. I also had a really bad day yesterday, even though I was planning to do the coins, I saw the pictures of the graduation ceremony at my school, and I look terrible and fat in every single one of them – and I though I was looking really good that day. This made me really sad. It is motivating me to work harder at getting healthy, but that will take a bit of time, I suppose.
Maybe I can work something out with virtual coins, or a notebook or something. Then I can do it on the go!
I do a lot of walking (the upside of not owning a car), and it’s lovely. I love to listen to my music, and to just look around at whatever I see on my walk – city walks are my favorite! It is raining outside right now, but if it clears up, I promise I’ll take myself out for 30 minutes. If it doesn’t, I’ll make it up this week!
I thought I subscribed to this but I’m not getting any updates in my inbox 🙁
I was actually already talking to myself about this the past few days. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned to do to speak the truth to myself is just telling myself it’s okay. It’s okay to let okay, it’s okay to have some indulgences, it’s okay to go out late once in awhile with my husband (or sleep in the next day!). My biggest issues with myself are holding onto and obsessing over past issues.
Like the previous commenter I’m not always home or around to do it, so instead I tallied the comments on a small notepad in my purse. A lot of my criticisms are doubt based, or more frequently I worry about things in the past. A lot of great things happened today though that made me very happy so there were also a lot of positive thoughts. I think the more I push myself to do things the better my outlook will be.
I have the good fortune of walking daily with my best fur-friend. Yesterday was no exception. We took a long meandering stroll through the wild August greenery of a local metro-park. The crickets song and that late summer smell were so sweet.
Oh, I loved these stories, everyone. Bravo for such a great day 2. Keep up the eye contact as much as you can moving forward- it really allows you to move past yourself, see other people, and engage in a whole new way. A few of you mentioned the anxiety or self-consciousness this illicited in you, which isn’t at all unusual, and I wanted to offer you this earlier blog post to help you with putting that self-consciousness in perspective: https://rosiemolinary.com/2012/01/11/you-are-the-one-who-cares-the-most-2/. So glad you each decided to be a part of the shine journey! I am so inspired by each of you!
Erica and everyone, a few people have asked about the email subscription so let me clarify that right now. The e-newsletter and the e-mail feed are two different things. If you signed up for the newsletter, you’ll get one to two email newsletters from me. If you would like to receive the blogs as soon as they are published via email, you simply need to click on the white envelope icon on the upper right hand of the blog screen. It’ll ask you to enter your email address and then you are set. Thanks!
Great posts about your experiences, everyone. I love seeing how you are working to shift your thinking to gentler and less (or non) judgmental observations. I am the worst mother in the world becomes I reacted more strongly than I would like to that behavior, etc. etc. Keep reframing because with practice, the negative voices lose their steam. I don’t always love how something looks on me or how I look in the mirror but I don’t ever judge or beat myself up about it anymore. I simply say, “Today’s not a good day to wear this dress” or “I seem to be tired. I should give myself some rest” and move on. I’m not magic or super human. I just practiced and broke the habit of negative speak so that I could make room for other things that are more important. Thank you for your continued passionate, honest sharing. So honored to be on this journey with you!
Susannah, you are onto something– I scheduled this practice on a Saturday so that folks would, ideally (if they work a more traditional schedule), have at least two days mostly around the house so that they could actively use their vessels but you bring up a good point about what to do when you are away from the home. Erica’s suggestion is great. I also think that you can go ahead and put some change in your wallet or a pocket and move it back and forth to different locations (for example, if you have pockets on your pants or skirt, your right pocket could be the good things vessel and the left pocket could be the negative things vessel. Just some thoughts. I sure others have some great ideas, too!
I have found walking/running is a great time for prayer. Something about the repetition of putting one foot in front of the other… it allows me to focus and seems like a good allegory for my spiritual journey.
I did an hour hike with my dog Maisy along the trails of Philadelphia’s beautiful Wissahickon valley. Came out drenched in sweat on this hot & humid day, and feeling very good about having gotten out in nature and having gotten my heart rate up. I do a 30 minute walk every morning with Maisy and think it’s a great way to start the day.
So, you’ve inspired me. I have had so much stress in my life lately that I find I’m feeling very negative most of the time. Perhaas walking will help me… Going to give it a try today! Thanks for the push!
I love walking…walking is my lifeblood. Through six children, through a failed marriage, through a new marriage…I walk. Walking clears my mind, or walking helps me think through everything that is overwhelming me. Walking makes me feel alive and is the one time I know I am truly taking care of myself.
MS has been a hard thing for me…because it has taken some of my ability to get out and walk for long periods of time away from me. Now, even though I walk, it is in shorter time stretches. Some days it is only inside my house, because my balance might be off that day. I am now much more conscious of the steps I take and most of my thought effort is put into watching the ground in front of me to avoid any obstacles I might trip on. MS will not ever defeat me; I will find ways to walk or to do other forms of exercise that enrich me. One thing I do know is that MS has taught me to never, ever take walking for granted; I do look at others who casually spend long times walking with no thought of the gift they are given and find myself jealous from time to time…but then I remember that at least I can still walk…just in a different way.
what stuck me most in this excercise was how often i had a negative thought about myself and how often it was the SAME negative thought or thoughts that kept popping into my head. Almost like its not enough to say it once, i have to keep saying it or thinking it over and over again. talk about a backward slide:( another thing while doing this excercise was the inability to make the positive thoughts feel “not forced”…………
loved the extra post….how amazing is it that we really are the ones that think most about how we look and yet think others are going to look at us with the same amount of energy?????
i too am a lover of walks…it can immediately bring me a sense of calm. i tend to be more distracted from my negative thoughts when i am walking. it feels more like a meditation in movement. fortunately i have my dogs and we all love a good walk.
This was really nice, we went to the nearby botanical garden and had a great time walking around and observing nature. There were so many beautiful birds and little critters we don’t normally see in the city. It was a really good feeling doing this. I felt so connected to myself, my husband and nature.
This is a great bonus, I look forward to reading the linked articles!
I was going to go to yoga, but I changed my mind, and went for a walk – I walked for an hour, and took some pretty pictures of my town. Thank you for the tip!
This is a great exercise!!! I found that I made fun of myself when putting myself down. But I also became aware of it & began to stop speaking to myself that way & replace with more positive thoughts. I will suggest this to friends. It really makes you aware of the thoughts that you feed yourself daily.
Have you seen the 23.5 hours video on youtube? It explains all the benefits that just a 30 minute walk can make, both mentally and physically. It’s long for youtube, but definitely worth the watch! 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo&feature=player_embedded
UGH.
My walk was productive but stressed me out, too.
I went through everything that I have to do before school starts (11 days) including two full classes of lesson plans that I haven’t even started yet (and can’t because I am depending on three other teachers!). However, I came inside and realized that I can’t do my part of the job until someone else does, so there is no need to sweat it right this second.
ANYWAY. I was able to decide what I _CAN_ do and start that this afternoon. 🙂
1. How did it go today? What did you notice you criticize about yourself?
I had been told by my daughter that a certain person I had been hanging around with that has a very negative self image and self talk – I was starting to sound like her. So by daughters awareness and this exercise has helped me listen and be more aware of my words towards myself.
What are you beginning to celebrate by claiming it with your observations?
Embracing the aging process…aging gracefully.
2. Can you continue to monitor your thoughts to move them away from criticism and towards acceptance and appreciation?
Yes… with awareness and those around me that love me when I forget too, I have faith that I can continue to make process on my journey towards acceptance and appreciation of myself.
I have been consistent with my yoga routine but have lost my walking time. Many times when my children and I would walk I have talked to them about “walking meditation”. It’s something I want to get back to as a consistent routine. AGAIN – a good reminder! Thanks : )
I work at home, online, most of the time, and often end up wearing things that aren’t particularly flattering because I know I’m going to be sitting in front of a computer, and no one will see me. Today I decided that I would wear a top that I love, that I usually only wear when I am going somewhere dressier. It’s very soft, flattering, and in my favorite color. I found myself smiling when I would look down and see it. I am definitely going to do this more – wear “nicer” clothes that I love when it’s just me working at home. It was really lovely, and I actually felt more productive. This has really made me stop and ponder my wardrobe, and what I wear when. I am going to give more thought to this.
Trish, I work at home about 50% of the time and used to do the same thing– I’d often wear my workout clothes all day long (and then if BF called at the end of the day to say ‘Let’s go grab something to eat’, I had to say, “not dressed for it”) but have made a commitment to get dressed each day and I notice a positive difference in my productivity, too. I blogged about my style evolution earlier this year. Hmm, probably searching for cardigans on my blog would find those posts, if you are interested.
I also love walking! Whether it’s about town or in the country, it’s time for me to think, take deep breaths and get the blood pumping! I used to listen to my music whilst walking but lately have tried to do this less. Although sometimes it’s great, it can also make me feel too insulated. I want to feel part of the world and not in my own bubble. In keeping with day 2 when we were encouraged to make eye contact, I take out my earphones and enjoy *connecting*. If I can’t get out for a walk then I try to do some pilates at home. Even the process of taking time to stretch and breath deeply is refreshing. It all serves as quality quiet time out for us.
Late to the party, but better late than never.
I need to work on not berating myself. I am not always telling myself negative things but I am stuck in this world of shoulds.
Enjoying exercise and not using it to control my body. I am coming into loving care of myself, but fear I have dismorphia because there are times I look at myself and see huge girl, and other times I see where my face has thinned out, where my butt has gotten firmer…. I need to work on this. 🙂
I went for a run this morning ( a bit late but was traveling this weekend). I ran by myself instead of with a partner, so I kept trying to think about meditation and being in the moment, instead of letting my mind wander to task lists and worries. However, I had a song stuck in my head & couldn’t get it out! (Mumford & Sons- awake my soul). I’d love to take more evening walks after dinner with my hubby- just some quiet time to digest our meal & visit without a TV, but it’s too stinking hot in Houston right now! 🙁
Going out to dinner last night, I decided to put on a little nicer dress than I normally would have & it improved me whole evening- I felt more confident, more like a special date night, and wanted to dress nice again today.
There is just something about a good dress, isn’t there, Amanda! Good for you!
On the day of this post, we went to a birthday party. I made something I quite never do: I TOOK THE TIME to try some different outfits on and choose the one I prefered. I ended up wearing clothes I love but never wear – only because they are not on the top of the pile and I don’t take much time to carefully choose usually…. I also took the time to put make-up on. Every time I walked in front of a mirror I couldn’t help but think “Hey, I look pretty good!” and this boosted my self-confidence. In the way I acted, I was totally “myself”, authentic all day long. Incredible, what these few more minutes in the morning resulted in…
Oh, I love this story Cecile. What did you wear?
Rosie, I not even wore something spectacular:
a light, flowing skirt, black with beige dots (somehow a retro touch), which makes me feel elegant,
a black t-shirt with flattering fit and gold-ish sequins,
the white-and-yellow-gold necklace my husband gave me for my 25th birthday,
and an “all-inclusive” make-up with moisturing, concealer, powder, lipstick, mascara and beige eye shadow (which underlines my hazelnut-coloured eyes).
Doing all of it without stress was like a wellness trip!
Definitely worth doing it again! Maybe in a lighter form in order to fit it in everday…
I want to do this every day now. I feel better when I like what I’m wearing.
Me, too. What did you wear yesterday, Emily?
I’m wearing the teal tank top that shows off my eyes, and I put on my bluebird of happiness pin! thank you!
Teal is just my favorite color, Susan. And I am so curious about your bluebird of happiness pin. Sounds delightful!
Bo and I had a great walk. We even ventured out and met some of our neighbors. I typically walk him at lunch when no on is at home and around 8:00 when everyone is inside. Yesterday we walked when all the neighbors were out and mingled a bit.
I think this counts as dressing….but this weekend, I finally got my diamond studs repaired. It was a simple fix of one of the posts but they have been hiding in my jewelry box broken for a few years. I bought these diamonds with money from selling “unimportant” pieces of my mothers jewelry a few years after she died….so they are pretty! But they also have meaning. Anyway, I’ve had them in my ears since Saturday and I swear they make me feel sparkly all over! So that’s what I’m doing right now….I have a ring that was my late grandmothers and I am thinking of unhiding that and having it sized!:)
This definitely counts, Kelley! Definitely get that ring sized. I’ve spent way too much time saving things for special occasions but then deeming no occasion special enough. Just being your grandmother’s daughter is special enough. can’t wait to see it and your earrings!
I had to work in a retail environment. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be cashiering or doing dishes, so I put on a simple black dress. But, for a little fun I paired my black dress with some teal Capri length teggings. Every time I caught a glimpse of my legs I had to smile! The colour just lifted me up!
Again with the teal. LOVE. Those leggings sound fabulous, Kate and like a great combo with the black dress.
Lately, I’ve been in a very stressful place in my life with far too many demands on my time, money, and energy. As a result, I haven’t treated my body and my health very well. I feel tired, in poor health, out of shape, and conscious of the weight gain that’s resulted from this stressful time. My usual inner voice speaks in harsh extremes, usually paired with criticism — i.e. “You will always be _______ [fat/exhausted/ill] because you ______ [have no willpower/are lazy/don’t deserve happiness].” But today, this inspired me to change those wildly inaccurate extremes to truths. Instead I can say “Right now, I am experiencing a lot of stress. I am not getting enough sleep, I have a chronic sinus infection, and I have gained weight.” These honest truths create space for here-and-now acceptance and create awareness of small things I CAN change to treat myself better.
Today it’s paisley for me. I actually do this a lot – try to boost my spirits or improve my day by wearing a favorite color or something comfortable but nice!
Oh, paisley is such a fun pattern. Probably one of my all time favorites!
This is actually something I’ve been working on for awhile! I discovered how to dress to my shape and color palette which has made clothing shopping so much easier. You just feel so much better when you wear things that fit and look good on you! I haven’t worn heels in a very long time, although I keep a pair of basic black ones for just in case.
Today I’m wearing one of my favorite floaty skirt and a pretty pink shirt. Comfy and lovely!
I’ve been working on the same thing, too, Erica, partially from Sally’s inspiration (her blog is like a delight to the senses!). I completely agree with you about how much easier shopping has gotten and how much more energetic and happy I feel in clothes that I love rather than just throw on.
It’s a long weekend for me, so honouring my body today (since I’m not leaving the house) consists of comfy clothes. 🙂
I love a comfy clothes day, Chibi. In fact, I am sporting a torn up hoodie right now because it was a hang around the house with my sick boy kinda day. Hooray for the whole range in honoring our bodies!
Good “exercise” because it helped me to quantify my negative thoughts about myself. Then, I was ready to change them and find a positive way to talk about myself. Result of the day : one coin in the left cup, and 5 coins in the right cup.
1. How did you dress to honor your body today?
I wore a skirt that flatters my waist and my legs, with a top that makes my boobs look amazing too (and a good bra, that always helps if you have an F cup like I do). So, I went full hourglass, instead of just hiding in a baggy black dress. I wore my favourite and most comfortable high heels too.
2. How did it make you feel to take that step?
I felt great, and comfortable, and I liked emphasising what I have, instead of trying to hide it.
3. What ways can you honor your body stylistically in the future?
I can keep on wearing these things that flatter my figure, and I can wear underwear that gives me the boost I need. I have great clothes, pretty jewellery and gorgeous shoes, and I will enjoy them, instead of keeping them for special occasions.
So with you on a good bra, Susannah. In fact, getting a proper fitting is one of the days in Beautiful You! Love your # 3! You go!
One of the ways that I keep track of how much I weigh (since I don’t own a scale), is my how my clothes fit.
I had been avoiding my favorite pair of Gap 1969 jeans until this morning … when I randomly put them on and THEY FIT decently! I thought it was awesome and so I put on my favorite bright orange Oregon State University “Go Beavs!” t-shirt and wore it with pride.
As a teacher, I can’t emphasize all the greatest parts of me (I’ve got great tatas!) but I am proud of what I’ve got!
LOVE IT, Sarah! Go Beavs!
I have a low cut bathing suit top that looks nice and I like but I never actually wore that I wore today. I also made a point earlier this season and got a cute swim skirt to go with it, because I was always spending the whole time at the pool with exercise shorts on to hide my thighs. I also checked out the book What you wear can change your life from the library to get some more ideas.
Jackie, Thanks for that book suggestion. You might also be interested in checking out Sally’s book or website. And what a great way to honor your body!
I didn’t wear stretchy clothes to work. My clothes were more structured. It’s back-to-school and I need to dress nicer. I didn’t wear my regular flip- flops, either. I do need some better shoes because if my feet don’t feel good, I don’t feel good.
Good for you, Cindy. And I am so with you on the good shoes. They are a little pricey but I swear by Danskos. I have clogs, sandals and a dress shoe by them and my feet are always happy- especially when I have to walk across campus and then stand up while teaching for 3 hours at a time.
I must admit today was the usual Monday madness so the first thing I found was what I wore. However, I have been trying to bring more color to my wardrobe and have been enjoying wearing bright pinks, greens and purples.
Bright colors are an awesome way to honor your body and brighten your mood. Great colors, too!
1. How did you dress to honor your body today?
I am pretty simple and a bit of a plain jane, but today I put on a pair of earrings I was given recently as a gift.
2. How did it make you feel to take that step?
I felt just a little bit “fancy”. It was nice!
3. What ways can you honor your body stylistically in the future?
It was only a small difference, a subtle thing, but it’s in the details that change is made.
Nancy, when I was in high school, I would look in the mirror and say, “What is missing?” and earrings were always the answer. Earrings were my go to thing to make me happy so I can totally see how yours made you happy yesterday!
I think a smile and a quality of openness make a person beautiful. Often in nature it’s a difference that stands out as beautiful. I look forward to noticing beauty everywhere I go today.
This is one thing that matters to me. When I’ve been in my darkest places I’ve existed in oversized sweatshirts and tracksuit bottoms; wanting to disguise my existence and not draw attention to myself. But, that’s not me. Dressing up is what I love to do. I take pride in getting dressed and know that it can lift my mood and make me feel confident.
I’m coming out of my dark place now and make an effort to leave the tracksuit bottoms in the drawer. Even if I’m just at home, when I prefer to be comfortable, I’ll still put some nice comfortable trousers on or a comfortable dress. I’ll put a bit of bronzer and mascara on and feel dressed.
For me, it’s about caring for myself. The time I take to consider what necklace, or put my make up on is time exclusively for me. When I leave the house I feel I have showed myself some appreciation, care and time.
To remind me of the transition I’m going through I recently bought myself a small necklace with a butterfly hanging from it.
The butterfly reminds me to embrace change in my body and my environment and have faith that these changes will result in something beautiful.
Yes, LadyEm. This was perfectly expressed: For me, it’s about caring for myself. The time I take to consider what necklace, or put my make up on is time exclusively for me. When I leave the house I feel I have showed myself some appreciation, care and time.
And the butterfly necklace? Brilliant. I really believe in necklaces that are statement for you, that remind you of something when you look in the mirror (finding such a necklace is, in fact, a day in Beautiful You). So glad you have done this for yourself.
I think the most beautiful thing in a person is the quality of what I call “tough-minded”…I am not even sure I am defining it right but I use it and define it like this: being able to push through and be real/authentic. The world will tell you one thing but your gut tells you another and you choose your gut. It plays out differently in everyone’s lives, but it is the most beautiful thing when practiced over and over….you become comfortable in your own skin!
As a counselor, I get to see beautiful people every day…and when they “get it” and practice being tough-minded, even in a small way, they get a sparkle to them. THIS is so beautiful!!!
1. What is your definition of beautiful?
What I find beautiful in people: simply, a friendly smile and kind eyes. No matter who wears such features, they are the simplest of things which can convey a million words and emotions. How somebody makes me feel overrides how they look. The most aesthetically attractive person can be ugly simply through showing a negative attitude.
What I find beautiful in life: nature. I’m not naturally an ‘outdoors’ girl and all too often my eyes may be open but I don’t see the natural environment around me. I’m fortunate enough to live in a house with a beautiful big garden ans when I take the time to stop, look and see the colours and shapes of the different plants and breathe their scent I’m reminded that I’m part of something much bigger than my little bubble. That something bigger is always there for the seeing.
2. What beautiful things did you notice today? How did these observations impact you?
I took time to notice the lily pads in a river and the ducks meandering their way along. It’s simple, I know, but it was beautiful.
I sat in a tea room alone with reading my book and watching the people around me. There were families, couples, friends all enjoying each other‘s company and their food. For me, particularly with my issues around food, this simplest of pleasures is something that I no longer take for granted and something in which I find beauty. It encompasses everything for me, the company of those we love and the nurturing of ourselves with food. I mustn’t forget that this is positive and not something to be afraid of, or think I don’t deserve to be part of.
Dressing to honor my body has become a work in progress. I was a stay-at-home mom for 29 years, so sweats, jeans, t-shirts, etc. were the norm. When I got my first job it was at a convenience store, so it was black pants and a black shirt…easy.
Last January I got a job in retail, and for the first time I got to dress up, and I love it. I love honoring my body by putting on clothes that make me feel good. I have a limited budget, but I also get a discount where I work, which makes it easier to buy clothes that are stylish and affordable. In all honesty, I’ve been using Sally’s book alot to help me make choices that flatter my body. There are so many websites that have helped me, because I can go look at how a certain style fits someone shaped similar to me, or I can see an outfit that I love and then go find something similar in the store.
I feel better about myself when I have clothes on that make me “feel good”. I am more confident and less likely to worry about what people think about me.
I agree, Valerie; I totally feel better when I wear clothes that honor me rather than just hide me. Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly!
SUCH amazing responses! Thank you all for sharing them!
Loved these reports. Day 4 is one of the hardest days in Shine so I really admire each of you for tackling it in some way in your life. Shine on!
Love all these great walking stories (or admissions about how and why it is/ was hard). Seems like there are some fabulous dogs in our lives, too. That’s pretty good self-acceptance medicine, too, because pups are able to see our fabulousness even when we are not. And Amanda, I am with you on the heat. It’s scorching in North Carolina, too. I would love to get a family round the block practice going after dinner come September.
1. What is your definition of beautiful?
I think tactile things are beautiful, and things that look like something else. Objects that are larger than they should be, like huge paper clips, or smaller. I love deep colours, and prints. I love round shapes, and symmetry, in bodies and faces. I think people are beautiful when I can see them combining vulnerability with strength, and allowing others to do the same. Being strong doesn’t mean you can’t be weak. There are yoga poses I think are beautiful. I love art for its beauty, and watching people do things they’re really good at. Confidence is beautiful too.
2. What beautiful things did you notice today? How did these observations impact you?
I was looking at dresses, 50s style dresses that would really suit me (I have the round shapes too) that had photographic prints of nature scenes, and I remembered that I have a skirt with a print that looks like the ocean on a stormy day, which is beautiful, I decided to wear it. I have new pencils, I bought them because I want to take up drawing, but I enjoyed playing with them today – I thought they were beautiful and I am looking forward to using them. The joy on the guy at Starbucks’ face when we were discussing the gold medal Holland got at the Olympics was beautiful too.
There was a lot of beauty around, in small things, and they gave me a lot of joy – I didn’t know there was so much, until I started to note it actively. It was comforting to me, I wasn’t having a good day, and looking for beauty helped.
I think beauty is radiance, it’s an inner light peeking through, an echo of the divine. Now, to just remember that when I get dressed tomorrow morning. 🙂
Today, I saw beauty in my toddler squealing in delight on the slide, in swinging on our porch swing in the quiet during my kids’ naptime, in watching my old dog sleep on his bed totally at peace.
I am being totally honest here, but this one freaks me out because tomorrow I will be in a room with 40+ new teachers, most of whom I’ve never met before EVER. Smiling at people is natural for me, but I’m so going to be that creepy smiley lady tomorrow! I will report back!
Beauty is anything that brings up a feeling of peace and quiet awe ….. & a desire to stop, look and experience just for a minute. Usually things in nature are what elicit these feelings in me.
My day was .. not beautiful to say the least. But coming home from work and being greeted by my beautiful mutty dog’s smiling eyes and wagging tail – beautiful.
This is something that I’ve been doing more of lately and find very effective. I went through a phase of being so disengaged from myself and the world that I shrank away and feared interacting with others. I would never have had the confidence to smile at a stranger, I would have wondered what they were thinking of me; I was strange, ugly…
That’s changed. A smile is simple gift. I use the word ‘gift’ because of the way it makes me feel and, hopefully, the way it makes somebody else feel. Today, I smiled (and waved!) at my neighbor, at a gentleman I passed on the pavement who was walking with his children and at an elderly man waiting at the bus stop.
How did I feel? Buoyed-up, lighter, more relaxed and a little bit more confident with each smile I received in return. I didn’t wonder what they thought of me. I felt confident enough in myself not to care! Responses are varied and I notice some people smile and quickly look away to the ground, as if holding my gaze too long is too much, too personal?
We’re all more insular nowadays; walking along looking down with our earphones in, or talking on the phone. But there really isn’t any harm in reaching out to somebody else and simply sharing a smile with them. What’s even better is that if they don’t respond, you’re still left with the remnants of a wonderful smile on your face!
The more I smiled at people today the more I felt that my facial muscles relax and my mouth rest more upturned. My forehead isn’t furrowed and my lips aren’t pursed. 🙂
Loved this- I smiled at lots of people & said Good Morning on my jog. There are always people that avoid eye contact, but it always makes me a bit happier when others respond. I learned that you have to give people the benefit of the doubt, even if you think they may not respond, it’s still worth the effort to try to connect.
This is one of my favorite ways of being in the world. I try to greet most people that I pass with a smile. So far today, I’ve gotten to greet a new trainee & our office contractors. I’ll welcome each patient into my office with a smile. I hope that each of you is filled with light.
Warmly,
Ann
Great series!! I signed up for your newsletter and liked you on Facebook. Also I liked Karina’s Facebook page.
JL of JL Goes Vegan recommended your site and I am so glad she did!
~Lolly
I had fun with this one. The only response I got was, “What are you smiling about?” and my answer was from Elf, “Smiling’s my favorite”…and they’d smile or laugh a little. Some didn’t seem to notice…not sure if that is good or bad.
This caused me to find out that no matter what mood my husband happens to be in, if I start beaming at him, he can’t help but to smile back 🙂
I live in a brand new neighbourhood- they’re still building houses across the street. This morning was the first time I got to sleep in because the workers got started late…no hammering or buzz saw until about ten a.m. To celebrate, I am wearing my comfiest gardening clothes and I’m going to honour the new energy I have by getting dirty outside. Does it count if you honour your body by washing the clothing in the new washer after not having one for five years? Finally washing my clothes and not having to visit the laundry mat is just so joyous.
Beauty, for myself, is found when I see ‘fullness’. It can be fullness of expression, i.e. a painting or a song sung from the heart- or a fullness of emotion… Like when Cyndi Lauper makes her full faces and opens her mouth as wide as it will go when she’s singing ‘good enough’. If it’s a happy hug, it’s beautiful when a person’s whole heart is in it and they don’t let go until it feels awkward.
Today I saw beauty when the deer got spooked and jumped as far as it could go in a safe direction. I saw beauty in the text messages from my dad that finally asked about more than the weather. A full heart.
Going to try this with a notebook in ny backpack ! Thank you for this Shine experience… It has come during a very good time for learning in my life.
Every day that i work it totals 40 minutes of fast walking…twenty minutes to get there, twenty minutes to get back home. But I’m also on my feet for the entire 8 hours that I’m there as it is retail and the customers need me to get all sorts of things done. So my days off consist largely of sitting on the couch. :). Here’s hoping that I get enough exercise while making money.
Oh, wow! Rosie, your post comes just at the right time to help me by visualizing.
What I want to give up? The “good-girl” ideal picture. I have to, I WANT TO accept – I ACCEPT!! that I cannot please everybody anytime – even if it is anyway impossible – and not good!
I thought I went already quite far on this path, but there are still some hills to climb on and leave behind me. More about it in your resilience post in the coming days!
Your post brought me to find words to express it. Now I can visualize how I shred a photograph of this non-existing ideal everybody’s darling. It feels strange, a new unknown land – OK, so I just won’t react as usually, but so far I don’t know how I will react? I’ll just surprise myself with my resources.
My reminder: “I have a lot of worth by myself. I don’t need to please anyone now. I am worth being myself.”
So Cecile I was struck by your visualizing yourself shredding a photograph of this non-existent ideal and it made me think, “SHE SHOULD REALLY DO THAT.” Here is what I mean. What if you make a visual representation of that girl. Maybe you do it with images or words or whatever you think of and then, when you are done, shred her to pieces. Physically end your relationship with that idea, if you will. Just a thought that you can totally take or leave! Love witnessing your journey!
I love the wellness prescription! Such a list feels intimidating to me – I’m perfectionist, so I would want to do immediately everything perfectly… I will make my own tomorrow (it’s 10 p.m. here, but I put it now on my to-do-list), with some current issues to become an habit before I add anything to it.
1. How did it go today? Who did you smile at?
It went went OK, I’m not smiling as much as I’d want, but I’ve been feeling sad. I smiled at the girl who sold me tea at the station, and she gave me a lovely smile back. So did my yoga teacher.
2. How did it feel to smile so freely? How did people respond? How did you respond?
At some point, when I smiled at someone who didn’t smile back at me, I felt a bit silly. But then I decided it was her choice not to smile, and I did everything I could to get her to smile, so I just kept smiling.
3. What did you learn?
I like making people smile, I usually do it by saying something silly or funny, but I didn’t know I could do it just by smiling at them, I’ll keep this up tomorrow!
Difficult: Don’t depend on others for my confidence!
Rejoicing: I ususally try to compliment others often to inspire their confidence.
I’ve always loved that expression…”Smile – it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.” It’s true! I’ve been combining my efforts to make eye contact with my natural inclination to smile… And it is pretty rewarding! (and you have such a special boy in Happy! He does have the BEST smile!)
This was easy because school started today and nothing is easier than smiling at 450 happy elementary students. They were as happy to see us as we were them. If only all smiles were so easy!
I hope it’s not too late to join in. I have been reading and I keep meaning to participate and keep putting it off.
1.)
a.) Today I am grateful for rain
b.) I am grateful for the little wooded area not too far from our apartment
c.) I am grateful for feeling less depressed and more peaceful
d.) I am grateful for my creativity and making things
e.) I am grateful for a delicious steak diner prepared by my husband
2.) When I was fourteen I made a somewhat half-hearted attempt at suicide–I locked myself in my room with an exacto knife for several hours but never actually harmed myself. My mother was quite upset by this of course and not knowing what else to do implemented several measure some helpful some not so helpful–one of the more helpful things we did was that every evening I was to write down 20 things that I was grateful for each day. I think that this was one of the things that got through teenagerhood. I have been struggling with major depression since I was fourteen but it has lately been very bad and recently I had considered returning to the practice of keeping a gratitude journal.
3.)When I am grateful for things it helps me to balance my perspective and feel less despair.
So, in answering the prompts on my blog, I had a light bulb moment when I realized that I have a fair number of the traits I consider beautiful… fancy that! 😉 Thanks for the light bulb moment, Rosie. <3
1. How did it go today? Who did you smile at?
This is second nature to me (not sure why – maybe due to 10 years in retail?) – I will offer almost everyone a smile.
2. How did it feel to smile so freely? How did people respond? How did you respond?
It felt normal! 🙂 Most people return smiles.
3. What did you learn?
I’m learning to keep my head up to see if my smiles are returned, thanks to Day 2. 😉
I have Michelle’s self-love cards and self-love oil, and I love them both – they’re great!
I saw the beauty of a storm today as I drove home from work. It was all around me. In front of me I could actually see the rain going in its path…and crossing the road in front of me at one point. All the lightening and the wind blowing the clouds…it was beautiful. That beauty makes me stand in awe.
I think my definition of beautiful would include smiles and how they light up anyone’s face. A smile can make the whole room light up. I think it would also include self-confidence. I don’t have alot of self-confidence, so whenever I see someone who appears to, I always take notice.
I work in an optical department, so I try to smile at everyone who walks by my store. I also smile at all my customers. And believe it or not, I smile when I talk to people on the phone. I think they can hear it.
It is hard for me to smile freely sometimes, but I always feel better when I do. And usually it not only makes my day better, it makes those who are around me seem to have a better day too.
I’m surprised that there are some people who will not make eye contact and who will not smile. But you know what? That is their choice. I cannot take it as a personal attack on me. Who knows what kind of day they are having. And the fact that I smiled at them might be the very thing they needed to make their day better whether they smiled back or not.
My main job is in a nursing home. smiling is definitely required. Still it’s always a bit gratifying to see an elderly person’s face light up when i give her/him a smile as i pass by.
OK, finally :
July’s goals:
– more physical awareness, means: am I staying straight? am I sitting right?
Not done. I did not really focus on this one, and it seems that I have to strongly focus, and find fun ways to practice. It is now part of my extended wellness prescription, means I will work on it probably as from September.
– find a good balance in my daily rythm. Done and proud of it! I split almost anything that I want to do into tiny babysteps, so that I can often make breaks, and I switch between physical intensive (at least for my current state) and physical more “relaxing” tasks.
– tackle our bedroom and tidy it up, ideally find ways to avoid cluttering it again. Done – and found tricks to avoid new clutter in some corners…
August’s goals:
– follow my basic wellness prescription in order to build proper habits.
– as from today, daily 15 min of paper organisation.
– re-arrange my craft supplies in the basement (they are currently in the “office” that will become Baby’s room).
The sound of rain and the cool, cloudy morning…it has been so hot and dry.
The fact that I am able to walk and move…as I get older, and with the challenges of MS, I am thankful for this every day.
That I have food to eat…there have been times in the recent past when this has not been the case.
I have a gratitude notebook that I try to record into every night. I write down three to five things that I am grateful for that day. It does make me more appreciative as I go through my days.
Practicing gratitude makes a huge difference in how I perceive life in general, and I am overall happier and feel healthier.
1. What are three to five things that really filled you with gladness and appreciation? Why?
i) My family. No matter how tough our lives get we are always there for each other, even if we’re separated by distance. If one of us is going through something difficult the other two pull together to let them lean on us a little so they don’t fall over. I am endlessly grateful to have the unswerving support, love and loyalty of my family.
ii) My personal achievements. I have worked extremely hard to achieve what I have. I should not belittle the work I put in to get here.
iii) My friends. They are my ‘framily’. We love each other equally and we recognize and celebrate our wonderful differences.
iv) Myself. I’m not sure whether this counts but let me explain. Throughout my twenties I was finding out who I was. Through a series of challenges and tests I got to know myself. Then something happened and I lost myself. I stopped caring and I didn’t want to know myself. That’s not so anymore. I’m now learning how to appreciate myself; how to value my strengths; how to learn from my weaknesses and not be too hard on myself because of them. This is a work in progress but I am grateful that I’ve found the strength to want to find myself again…and, after all that, I quite like me!!
2. How can you work a daily sense of gratitude into your days?
I can be too easily distracted by the things I haven’t got. But, what I do have counts for so much more and I would be a much less happy person without them. I will endeavour to remind myself of these things when I feel a grumble come on that I haven’t got x,y,z.
3. Does practicing gratitude impact your sense of happiness, wellbeing, acceptance, and/or fulfillment? How?
YES! It reminds me not to take for granted the wonderful aspects of my life. Of course, I will always aspire to have more and I will work to achieve better and, no doubt, I’ll get down when it doesn’t go my way. But practicing gratitude helps to re-balance the scales. It’s a way of appreciating my reality and lowering my (sometimes far too high) expectations so that there is a realistic equilibrium resulting in a sense of peace and acceptance.
1. What are three to five things that really filled you with gladness and appreciation? Why?
– my partner, we’ve been together for nearly 14 years now, and I love him so much. I am grateful to wake up next to him every morning.
– my best friend, we met at school (we are both teachers) and I would never have thought we could be friends, but we are. I don’t ever tell him, but I love him dearly. He’s been sending me pictures of his dog today to cheer me up.
– the fact that I have my own money and I can do what I want, because of it.
– all the lovely coffee shops in the town where I live, I love sitting down with a coffee, or a tea, and a book.
– I am intensely grateful for the fact that I can read. It has made my life into what it is, and me into what I am.
2. How can you work a daily sense of gratitude into your days?
I try to voice my gratitude to others as much as possible. Today, I was especially emphatic in the namaste at the end of my yoga class, als I enjoyed it a lot. And I sat down today with one of my coffees, and looked around the sunny streets of my town and was very grateful to be there. I think looking around and seeing and realising what is there is a great way to be grateful. I think I will start asking my pupils what they are grateful for, one each at the end of class.
3. Does practicing gratitude impact your sense of happiness, wellbeing, acceptance, and/or fulfillment? How?
I don’t know, this is the first day I’ve actively done it, but I do think it would probably make a difference – stopping and thinking about what there is to feel gratitude about is definitely a good idea for a daily practice.
I am learning more and more about gratitude and how to practice it. Lately, in a couple of intense moments….I was able to find the closest place of genuine gratitude and swing the pendulum in the opposite directions. Pretty powerful stuff. I am currently doing a 100 days of journaling project that ends on Monday. My next 100 days project is going to be a gratitude journal. I plan to list 3 things each day, hopefully with a past, present, future theme. One thing from the past (starting with yesterday but could dig further back if I want). One thing from right now (such as I am so grateful I am participating in the Shine project). And one thing I am grateful for in the future (something I am really looking forward to).
1. What are three to five things that really filled you with gladness and appreciation? Why?
– Getting a positive feedback from a client at work, because I feel like what I do for them matters, and they appreciate me.
– An invitation from my mother-in-law to have dinner with her tonight because my husband won’t be home for dinner. (Pre-season football game!)
– My son’s montessori teachers, because I can tell they love their job and that makes me feel good about where he is during the day and the kind of care he’s receiving.
2. How can you work a daily sense of gratitude into your days?
Personally, I try to say thank you as often as possible, no matter where I am. Sometimes a simple thank-you can turn someone’s whole day around, and I like to keep that in mind as I go about my day.
3. Does practicing gratitude impact your sense of happiness, wellbeing, acceptance, and/or fulfillment? How?
Yes, definitely. It’s easy to get sidetracked and think about all the things that I don’t have, when in reality I am so blessed. It reminds to maintain a sense of humility when I tackle certain situations from day to day.
The things today that have filled me with gladness and gratitude are
1) a work schedule that gives me time in the morning for drinking coffee and journaling with a purring cat on my lap
2) living near many place I need to go (grocery store, PO, library, coffee shop, etc) so that I can walk and take time to notice the beauty of harebell (Campanula rotundifolia L.) blooming in a vacant lot, or ornate carved detail on the top of a building.
3) people that I can count on (near and far)
I journal every morning, and I note things from the day before that I am grateful for. This helps me remember that the world is still a beautiful place. When I don’t take the time to do this, I can easily focus on the struggles of life, which always makes me feel like my heart/chest is hardening a bit. Remembering and noticing little points of gratitude actually make my the entire center of my body feel softer, and even makes breathing easier.
I’m currently working as a nanny, and because it was a beautiful day, I decided today would be a great day to take the 9-year old I sit to the local reservoir. I am currently underweight and super self-conscious of my body, particularly in the summer ‘bare-all’ clothing season, but I found a bright and flowing sundress in my closet that I’d never worn before. I decided I’d wear my favorite bikini and this sundress to the beach with her. I spent most of my time playing in the water, but when I was out on the beach, I ignored any suspicious looks I got and focused on how good I felt in my fun polka-dot bikini, my bright sundress, and the sun hat my husband bought me because he thought I “looked absolutely adorable”. I was reminded that clothing can help elevate our moods throughout the day, even if we judge ourselves harshly when we get dressed each morning.
Unfortunately, I have a furry flower eater in my home so I rarely buy them. If I do, it becomes a game of “how do I hide the flowers so that cat can’t eat them”?
I do surround myself with flowers in another way though–through my photography. I would say there is at least one large flower photo (if not more) hanging in every room of my house.
I managed to walk off and on for four hours (away for the wknd). Mostly I kept thinking how hot I felt with interjections of oohs and ahs when looking at some cool art and sheer delight when I found one pumpkin cookie left at a fav bakery.
Mostly I enjoyed hanging with my husband and leaving the cares of the week behind for a couple of days.
Being away for the wknd I was limited to whatever I`d packed.
I packed purple booties, one of a kinds.
I wore them to dinner and it made me feel better knowing I had cool shoes.
Beautiful people have charisma, they obviously “feel good in their own skin”, and they have “something positive” toward others. Yesterday the 2 most beautiful persons I saw were my 3 years old daughter and the daughter of my neighbour – they both were spontaneous, authentic, they were not asking themselves what the world might think of them, they did not doubt that they are OK the way they are. We could learn a lot from young children!
Many of the things I saw were beautiful – amongst others: the hair of my daughter, white cream being slowly stired into a dark chocolate dough, my daughter’s teddys lovely sitting together (not only the aspect of the teddys, but also the intention of my daughter made it beautiful), blades of grass dancing in the wind, sparkling stars in the deep blue velvet sky. Also the gorgeous smell outside in the evening were beautiful to me, a mix of bramble, grass, trees, flowers…. hmmm…
3 – 5 things that spark my gratitude:
1. My son. My son & i had a rather tumultuous relationship as he was growing up, but through everything he was always sweet and pleasant – politely defiant. Now that he is in his 20’s his true self is really shining through – hard working, compassionate, committed, etc. & i am so proud of him and grateful that he is my baby boy.
2. My dog. Yeah, i am one of those dog people. But my puppy reminds me to move back into the present & she gives the best doggy kisses.
3. My partner. Even though my hubby & i are probably not perfect match, he is loyal, hard working and always tries to help me feel pretty.
working gratitude into the day: i struggle w/this one. So much of my time is spent focusing on my workday & what needs to be done before the next work day. but i strive to be grateful for what i have. Grateful for my job b/c it allows me to eat & pay my bills & i am sure there is a lesson in it for me somewhere. Sometimes i will catch little moments of beauty – birds flying, a certain tree, etc. and these things help me to stop & simply be grateful for being here in this time.
I feel guilty just being honest it’s a waste of money I will look for something else I can do for myself that I don’t have to feel so guilty about. Ok I like the picture idea I got that will hang it now!
Faith, I appreciate your honesty, but I do think your feelings of guilt are worth exploring. It is a waste of money because flowers die (and can you not pick because there are none viable for picking near you)? Is it a waste of money because they are for you (i.e.: are you willing to give someone else flowers)? I think taking, hanging pictures of flowers can be a great expression and not every day is necessarily easy/ comfortable/ doable for everyone but I do hope you’ll explore more about what that feeling of guilt is about because it can give you a lot of information! Shine on!
I totally agree will try to dig deeper I think it’s been drilled into me as a child to not waste a cent on anything honestly. So spending money on me has always been a no no. I will dig deeper maybe your book would help?
Love this day I try so hardto remember to write my happy things down each night and I seem to do it for a few days and then forget I will buy myself a special journal today so I can start making this more of a daily habit. Love this and I know it helps! Today I am thankful for two kids that are healthy! They are so precious to me! I just celebrated 13 years of marriage n Wednesday so this accomplishment is defiantly something to celebrate and third I am thankful for parents that are supportive of all of their children even when one of us is doing something crazy! Love the basis of support that they gave me growing up and that I am passing on to my kids!
This was even harder than looking people in the eye! Now I have to smile at them! Lol I did find that as I was looking people in the eye if I smiled then it actually relaxed me and made me feel like I was more approachable so I feel like I started doing this and today I accomplished this many times! It makes me feel great and confident I am loving this!
Today when I thought of beauty the first thing I thought of was this dress I saw for sale it’s beautiful! Flows and graceful! So I think that I feel unimportant in my drab grey clothing right now maybe it’s time for a little color perk me up in my wardrobe? I do find beauty in lots of other things this was just what came to my mind today will keep looking!
Since I don’t have access to any “real” flowers today. I love the idea of a photo. So . . . I’ve changed my computer wallpaper to a beautiful flower photo I took a couple of weeks ago! Thanks for these wonderful reminders. I am enjoying this immensely.
My sister buys herself roses every week! She puts them in the kitchen and they always look beautiful. Never thought to ask get why she does it… Guess she already knows how to treat herself “right”! I love the idea… But may wait until our weather changes… For now my flowers outside suffice! But appreciated myself… That’s a great goal!
Yes, this is so important and a really powerful thing I’ve learned in the last year. Today, after 2 very big medical scares with friends this week, I am so thankful for my health & my husbands health (it is so easy to take it for granted). I’m grateful for wonderful an amazing friends- so man y people fill special spots in my life.
At the bottom of my posts everyday, I share a good news, which could be like a little gratitude journal. I believe that just spending a few moments reflecting & counting blessings really does shift us away from comparison of others and the endless desires to have more/be more/do more.
I was out all day, and my programme didn’t finish until the flower shops were closed. But I will buy myself some flowers tomorrow. What a great idea, I never get flowers (mr S and I just aren’t like that) but I do love flowers, so I will choose some that I like.
I tidied up my desk today, and bought the jolliest flowers I could find!
I’ve bought myself flowers before (I, too, will not wait for the mister to do it… lol), but hadn’t thought of taking them to work – what an awesome way to brighten up my workspace!
I’d probably go with gerber daisies because they last so long. 🙂
sleep is so important to my well being, i have always prioritized it. as a life long insomniac i have long established sleep routines and do my best to make the best of what sleep i can get.
a few years ago i was so sick for a semester, started going to bed in the 9 o’clock hour instead of 10 and basically it changed my life so much for the better that i, for the most part, kept it up. what a difference an extra hour of sleep makes!
in addition to actual sleep, i try to make time for quiet each day. sometimes it comes during nap time with the girl, sometimes in yoga, sometimes during meditation. but resting while still awake is also a great act of self-care.
today i am grateful for:
my kid napping for THREE HOURS.
my husband for being such an incredible father and partner.
such amazing girlfriends who make time to connect with me.
i have an on-going gratitude list i add to when something strikes my fancy and i read the list when i am convinced the world is conspiring against me.
Smiling to people? Easy! I’m on vacation, totaly relaxed. I remember a peculiar moment, 3 days ago. I spent time with friends, next to a river, in the mountain (the Pyrénées in the South of France). A group of three old persons tried to cross the river, walking carefuly on the stones, trying not to slide. Finaly, when they reached the other side, I realized I was watching them, smiling. Then, they smiled me back and said something in Catalan, a language I don’t understand. Conclusion : smiling is the easiest language in the world. 🙂
Follow you on twitter, facebook, doing Shine (a little behind) Also following Karina on twitter.
1. How did it go today? Who did you smile at? I smiled (and said good morning to) every single person Little Girl and I encountered. I have done this every single day since we picked her up last October. I think I’m getting used to it and on some level find it refreshing. It’s nice to be friendly.
2. How did it feel to smile so freely? How did people respond? How did you respond?
9 out of 10 people are THRILLED to be chatted up by Mrs. Cutie Pie and her mama. I’m feeling pretty good about these interactions and yet since she doesn’t differentiate (much – ever so slightly) between friends and strangers, it kind of stresses me out. I feel like I’m having awkward conversations with strangers about please don’t get so friendly with my daughter. Yes, I know she just asked to be picked up. PLEASE DON’T.
….I’ve been meaning to ask you if you all experienced this and if so, how you dealt with it.
3. What did you learn? In this experience with talking to EVERYONE, I’ve learned that I was kind of a grump living a singular experience before Little Girl came home. Now I’ve learned a lot of strangers are downright delightful and some have boundary issues. I’ve enjoyed the first part immensely and have been completely tense and stressed out about the later.
I had about 7 hours last night, although my cats try to interrupt my sleep. For years I have struggled with insomnia…the kind where I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. I’ve learned that meditation daily (doesn’t matter when) helps me sleep better. I also take 1 or 2 Epsom salt baths a week, which also helps. AND the benefit to these two activities are additional ways I am being consistent with self-care.
Even with a new puppy, I’ve been able to get my usual 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Sleep is critical for me and beyond the physical benefits, is helps me feel positive about handling the challenges each day brings. Reading is an important ritual for me each night, and I have a light snack before bedtime to remind myself that bedtime and wind-down is all part of the relaxation ritual. While there are days when it is not possible to follow my sleep schedule fully, I usually make every effort to commit to this part of my wellness routine. I feel rested, rejuvenated and strong when I wake, and when my puppy gets me up a bit earlier than I’d like, I match his enthusiastic kisses with belly rubbings and an eager smile.
1. How many hours were you able to sleep? How did you feel when you woke and during the next day?
I slept 8 hours last night, I hadn’t expected to, I went to bed very late, and I’m not very good at lying in. But it worked – 8 hours! I intend to get the same amount of sleep tonight. I felt very relaxed and rested.
2. Can you make a commitment to giving yourself at least 7 hours of sleep each night? What do you need to maintain that commitment?
I’m afraid not, I can’t get to bed till late usually, well, when it’s not a school holiday. I can aim for 6, but that might be impossible to achieve too. But I will try, I need my sleep. I do catch up on sleep on the weekends.
3. How is allowing yourself to sleep a way of caring for yourself?
I love going upstairs and being in my pretty bedroom, and reading a bit before I go to sleep. It counts as me time, which is good. And I do get very tired, and when I do, I look it, so getting some more sleep when I go back to school should be part of my goals for the new year. Until then, I will be getting a lot of sleep while it’s still the holiday.
I managed 9 last night – must have been tired…
1. What is your definition of beautiful?
Acceptance of self is a beautiful sight. You radiate from the inside out. This is something I work on in each present moment. Even the parts that shine, that feel like there not pretty they are – because there still me. An ongoing challenge!
I try to be conscious of others around me and remember I have no idea what is going on in their life and maybe something as small as a smile will be what makes their day. I know there have been times that just a smile has made a difference in my whole day.
Today: Write a gratitude list for this day.
1. What are three to five things that really filled you with gladness and appreciation? Why?
cookbooks, good dinner, my health, time with my family
I enjoy cooking and finding new ways to be healthy and share that with myself and my children.
2. How can you work a daily sense of gratitude into your days?
I start my day out with writing ten things that I am grateful for. It helps me center myself and gives my day perspective.
3. Does practicing gratitude impact your sense of happiness, wellbeing, acceptance, and/or fulfillment? How?
Yes – it keeps my focus on what I have and keeps my eyes open to gratitude in all things.
As I get older, it becomes harder to sleep, but more important for me to do so. I have to consciously make an effort to get 7 hours of sleep at night. When I do, I feel better and more rested in the morning.
I have committed this past year, to try to consistently give myself at least 7 hours of sleep every night. In order to maintain that commitment, it is necessary for me to put off some other things that I feel are important, but that will wait until the next day.
By allowing myself to sleep 7 hours, I reduce the stress in my life. I also have the energy during to day to get more done and to exercise and play harder with my family. This contributes to a happier me.
I have bought myself flowers just for me in the past, but it has been awhile and it’s something I need to get back too. I also love planting flowers in and around my garden so when I need that feeling a single flower can provide I go cut one “just because” “just for me!
Thanks for the reminder : )
1. How many hours were you able to sleep? How did you feel when you woke and during the next day?
I have to have my eight hours. I can get by on less a day or two but then it’s back to eight hours a must! I function so differently when I am fully rested and my body wakes when it has eight hours of sleep.
2. Can you make a commitment to giving yourself at least 7 hours of sleep each night? What do you need to maintain that commitment?
It helps that my children are older but sleep has always been a priority in my life because it feels like something I have to have – like air.
3. How is allowing yourself to sleep a way of caring for yourself?
HALT – Hungry – Angry – Lonely – Tired
All in check equal a better me!
I have kind of a love hate relationship with sleep. I know that if I don’t get at least 8-9 hours I won’t do well the next day. But sometimes it feels like a terrible waste of time–I especially feel that way on bad/sad days. For me it is a vicious cycle I have a bad and so I don’t want to go to bed = don’t get enough sleep== have a bad day.
I try to get at least 8 hrs of sleep every night. I think I need to find a way to reconcile my desire to stay up late with my need for sleep. I worked late night jobs through college and find that I enjoy the witching hour but I find that I function best before 9:30 pm no matter what time I woke up that day. SO yes I can commit to sleeping 8 hrs a night.
3.) Allowing myself to sleep instead of pushing on with whatever task I want to do is caring for myself because it is acknowledging that my needs are important and valid and NOT a waste of time.
1. How many hours were you able to sleep? How did you feel when you woke and during the next day?
I *slept* last night for the first time in at least a week (having your partner unemployed and having trouble finding new work will REALLY do a number on you!) – pretty sure I got close to 8 hours. YAY!
2. Can you make a commitment to giving yourself at least 7 hours of sleep each night? What do you need to maintain that commitment?
I really need to commit to this for myself; all too often I get caught up in the internet, only to retire to bed with the iPad. I need to go back to reading in bed instead of using more technology.
3. How is allowing yourself to sleep a way of caring for yourself?
Oh, sleep is HUGE for me – it affects every aspect of my life!
1. Where did you spend your time outside today? What did you observe?
I always find time to hang out in my garden. I have two 4×4 boxes that I can see from my patio and I marvel at the bounty everyday. I visit the plants, wonder, touch and enjoy.
2. How did your observations inform your own understanding about self-acceptance and the beauty of all things (including you)?
Nature never fails to remind me how perfect we all are. When I forget my “wholeness” all I have to do is find a leaf, sit in the grass, get up close and personal with a flower and my memory is refreshed. Sometimes I even hug a tree : )
1. Where did you spend your time outside today? What did you observe?
I went for a walk, around town, but I bought a drink and sat in the park, by the water, and I took my shoes off to feel the grass on my feet. It was great, there were a lot of sights and sounds and things to feel.
2. How did your observations inform your own understanding about self-acceptance and the beauty of all things (including you)?
It was calming, and it gave me some time for myself, to spend alone, without mirrors. I should do it more often, I felt relaxed and like a lot of things I worry about don’t matter.
I spent the weekend at the lake so I spent few minutes watching the birds at the bird feeders. I am not a big bird fan, but I do like watching the finches flit around the feeders. Their quick movements are so beautiful. They remind me of how the simple things in life can show beauty.
Oh gosh, 7 hours of sleep would leave me like a zombie. I really really prioritize my sleep because if my sleep goes, depression sets in. This summer I started a sleep log to write down my bedtimes, wake times, etc. and that has helped me be more intentional with getting the sleep I need. I’ve also found I need to turn off my computer an hour before bedtime.
I sat on my front porch today and watched the kids in the yard, and also ventured into our jungle of a garden to admire our okra and cantaloupes and my husband planting some swiss chard for the fall. I find being outside helps me slow down and gives me a priority check when I get all caught up about stupid things.
having worked all day yesterday, i was only able to get out in my neighborhood. But my small working class hood is home to many beautiful tall old trees. Venturing beyond my cluster of streets leads my to a small private park protected by a single chain link fence. I can’t step on the grass there but i can see and hear the movement of the lake. Being outside usually always helps me to quiet myself & ease out of the frustration of work and into the ease of being.
I recently really delved into yoga! I have been drawn to it a while! I have done some yoga, on my own….using books, the computer, or DVDs. BUT, I really wanted to go to a class. I felt it would be better in a community. I thought the energy shared in a room would build the practice. I was nervous to go because….well, I’m curvy. But, I decided (and Anna and Curvy Yoga was a HUGE inspiration) to go to the class. I was pleasantly surprised when the teacher was a bit curvy, too!
So, when I don’t go to class….I try to do some poses at home. If I only do one, I do Downward Dog because I LOVE this pose!!!
Because the yoga class is a fairly new to me, I am excited to see how it becomes a part of my body acceptance/body love! I do enjoy waking up to a few poses (again, even if only one)!
For a while now I have gone outside barefooted and walked in green grass. I really love the feel of green grass between my toes. I recently learned that this is good for you, something called “earthing”. This was a new concept to me, but it made so much sense. I love the good feelings I get…the calm feelings by being barefoot in the yard. I take advantage of flip flop season and any patch of grass I can find.
I took a yoga class for six weeks a few years ago and have yearned to go back. I am going to start looking for classes again.
Flowers are such a simple way of brightening up my house and lifting my mood and are one thing that I generally don’t feel guilty at for buying. Living in a city centre flat, I love the fresh natural scent of lilies or fresia when I walk into my living room where they sit brightly in a huge jug on my dining room table.
They always manage to raise a smile from me even on a bleak day.
Ooh, last night was an exception for me, I only got 5 hours sleep as I sat with matchsticks in my eyes watching the Olympic closing ceremony on the TV!
I know that I need at least 7 to 8 hours sleep a night in order to keep the grouch monster at bay and count quality sleep as one of the most important things to give myself.
I was particularly grateful for this post yesterday as it got to be late in the afternoon and I realised I had not yet stepped outside for some fresh air. I suddenly became aware of the tension in my back and a fuzzy head so I grabbed a comfortable mat and went out to the garden.
I lay down under my favourite Acacia tree and closed my eyes and felt the sun on my face. At first my body felt so tense and resisted the relaxation but I focused on my breathing and being still in the moment. I soon started to feel the breeze on my cheek and hear the leaves rustling and felt part of something lovely.
Although I didn’t spend long outside, I really enjoyed quality quiet time to be still and well, simply be.
This morning, although I was in town, the sun was shining and it was warm so I chose to sit outside to enjoy my coffee, book and people watching!
I don’t think it matters where we are so long as the moments we spend outside can be quality moments; just time for sitting and noticing what’s around us. We’re always in such a rush!!
Yesterday:
– a compliment paid by a friend about how good she feels with us, we are so “uncomplicated”. This felt so much better than any compliment about my appearance or so, because it was about my being!
– playing with her baby boy and see my husband playing with him too
– the fun my daughter had by making giant soap bubbles
– laying in the grass next to the kids playing
– the good night of restful sleep we had!
I have a gratitude journal, it helps me to be more aware of the positive throughout my day – having positive thoughts evenings (while journaling) helps to sleep better in too.
A beautiful rose from my garden, from deep red to yellow shades, and such a scent! Mmmh… I put it on my kitchen table, so that I can enjoy it many times a day!
I spent the whole weekend outside at a beautiful farm wedding in MN. Coming from AZ, it was so refreshing to have the green all around me. I noticed the cool breezes, the beautiful sunset, the soft grass under my feet, the crisp mornings, everything seemed cleaner. It was a wonderful weekend of celebrating the beauty of nature and a beautiful couple. I was so relaxed and calm all weekend and I know it was a result of being in the country, taking a time out from the city and the desert.
Yoga is what started me on this body/self-acceptance journey. I was participating in an intense pastoral care education experience and one of my colleagues in the program introduced me to practicing yoga. I fell in love after one class! I too had the weight loss goal and discovered that the more I practiced, the more amazed I was with what my body could do instead of what it looked like. The weight loss became a bonus instead of the focus. Yoga has helped me to accept myself just as I am, with what I can do that day, letting go of comparisons and finding joy in celebrating the successes, large or small.
Today I did a few sun salutations. I learned that those few minutes make a huge difference in how I go about my day! I have a more positive outlook and approach frustration and concern differently than if I don’t take the time for a few deep breaths and center myself.
I want to recommit to a more regular practice and this might be the jumpstart I need!
Today I smiled (amongst others) at women who went with us into the same lift. We were pretty closely spaced! Lifts are usually a place where people try to avoid looking at each other (I too), so I consciously smiled, and I joked that this close space was not a problem for all of us being such slim women. I usually don’t joke with people I don’t know at all, especially in a lift. It felt good, we became cooler, not defending a physical territory, but linked to each other by a kind of complicity. Few meters after it, it occured that we shared again a lift! One of the woman told to her older friend: See, the same company! And the older woman answered jokingly: Ah, all slim women together again! It was such a lovely moment.
I know that ideally, I need 9 hours of sleep. I always feel the best after 9 hours. I also know that I need a regular sleep schedule to prevent migraines. Sleep is also the best medicine when I get a migraine. My quality of life is much better when I get my 8-9 hours!
Last year for some months, my daughter just could not sleep from 2a.m. to 6 a.m. every night. As parents, we could only sleep to 2 a.m. Yeah, zombies exist….. so I know the importance of sleep too.
I usually need at least 8 hours of sleep, and now more during my pregnancy. As we had guests, I was not able to go to bed as soon as I would have needed, and had “only” 7-8 hours of sleep, BUT I was able to organize some kid-sitting for my daughter today, so I had a nap of 2 hours. My house is still a mess but I know I made the right priority, as I now have enough energy for both my kid and my house.
Yoga is one of my favorite things to do for my body. I haven’t been able to get to a regular class because I live pretty far out. When I practice, I feel more in touch with my body, prouder of my body, stronger–all good things. Today, I’m breaking out my yoga deck here in my office and taking a yoga mini-break.
I know I’m a day late responding, but time outside is central to our family. We spent Saturday morning at the zoo, which is spread out over 200 acres of park. Then we played at the water park. Sunday was a bit more pool time–water in all forms just makes me happy.
1. Where did you spend your time outside today? What did you observe?
As I do every day, I took an early morning walk. Today I decided to walk on a nearby bike path that weaves through protected wetlands, historical sites, and plenty of backyard gardens. I observed the smells of the late summer wildflowers, ducks in a river, weeping willows, and people of all shapes and sizes enjoying time outdoors. I met several very friendly dogs, too!
2. How did your observations inform your own understanding about self-acceptance and the beauty of all things (including you)? I recognized that I can commit to healthy exercise for myself each day, and make it an enjoyable part of my life instead of an impulse and addiction. I am so fortunate to live in a world where I can access beauty, but there is beauty in myself, and I can’t see that if I’m too focused on my inner worries and anxieties.
I got up early and went for a walk. The neighborhood is quiet this early in the morning, so the rabbits are hopping, the squirrels are gathering for winter, and all the birds are singing. On my way to the park, there were two ducks still away from the pond…I think I startled them as much as they did me when they came out from behind a bush I was walking by. It was cool and crisp, so my walk wasn’t a struggle because of extreme temperatures and I was able to focus on the beauty around me.
When I am outside, I forget, for a time, all my imperfections. I forget that I will at some point in the day look in the mirror and probably allow myself to be disappointed. But during this time outdoors, I can offer myself positive self talk, and slowly I find it is seeping into other parts of my day. That makes me feel good.
This was an easy one for me: I do loads of yoga, and Monday is Iyengar day. But I was extra attentive during my class, and worked just a little bit harder!
1. In what way did you practice yoga today? What did the practice give to you? What did you learn?
I took an Iyengar class with my favourite teacher. I was very pleased with myself, because I managed to do 2 minutes headstand away from the wall, for the first time ever. Apart from that, the practice gave me what a good practice always gives me: joy about what I can do with my body. It may not be exactly the way I want it, but I am strong and flexible, and it is great to be aware of that.
2. Can you see yoga begin a part of your continued self-acceptance journey? In what ways?
It already is. I go for 4 or 5 classes a week, and they are moments of relaxation and enjoying my body for what it is. Well, the Iyengar classes are – the Bikram classes are challenging, but that means I enjoy the progress I make.
I have never done yoga. It isn’t really something I ever even thought about. But as I’ve started this journey of learning to take care of myself and of learning to love myself, I’m considering learning yoga. I enjoyed reading the post for today, and I am going to check into the resources offered.
1. What compliments did you give today? How did it feel to give those compliments? How did people receive them?
Today while nannying the 9 year old I sit each day, she played me a CD of music she’d recorded over the weekend. She was clearly very excited about the CD, but as she played it, she kept saying how horrible her voice was and how she looked like she could never be a singer. In all honesty, she has a very nice voice, and I told her that I enjoyed listening to her and wanted to hear her whole CD. It felt genuinely good to give this compliment, and particularly poignant because of her age and vulnerability. She seemed shy and a little skeptical, but I think she appreciated it.
2. Did you receive any compliments today (and don’t worry if you didn’t!)? If so, were you able to graciously accept?
I have been blogging a lot lately, and I am very proud of my writing but also self-conscious about what I’ve written. I worry it is not polished, not well conceived, etc. A neighbor that writes professionally commented that she had read some posts and thoroughly enjoyed them. I thanked her and felt moved that she’d taken the time to read the blog and seemed to have liked what I’d written.
3. How are you feeling about yourself right now?
I feel positive about myself right now despite having a difficult day with my recovery plan. I am committed to making tomorrow a better day and will remind myself of the goodness I can spread and that I can carry inside of me, regardless of my eating disorder.
Oh, Marissa, I love that you really lifted up your young charge, that’s awesome. I also love that you received that lovely compliment given to you. And, finally, your answer to number 3 is just it. The point of self-acceptance isn’t that everything goes right all the time. It’s that no matter how we might divert from our plan, we can still feel positively about our selves and have a sense of peace about our efforts and grateful that we always get to start over and try again. Thank you for sharing!
Love it! Will add yoga in this week!
Yummm – yoga. But sadly, my lower back is out of whack – an entirely new phenomenon for me. My personal practice has consisted of laying flat, sending reiki to myself and moving through very small twists and spinal movements and breathing breathing breeeeeeathing.
1. In what way did you practice yoga today? What did the practice give to you? What did you learn?
Over the last year I’ve developed a very distorted image of my body and become totally detached from it. Whereas once I accepted and was proud of all the parts that made me unique, I came to see them as something to be eradicated and not cherished.
I am now trying to reconnect with my body; to know it, feel it and like it. I intend to take up yoga but, in the meantime, this morning I practiced 30 minutes of pilates. I felt the incredible tension in my shoulders and back and focused on breathing through it. I focused on my body and nothing else and tried to feel my body and accept that it is ok for me to care about myself and nurture myself. Afterwards I felt, quite literally, stretched and awake!
2. Can you see yoga begin a part of your continued self-acceptance journey? In what ways?
Absolutely! I want the practice of yoga/pilates to allow me to slow down and feel my body again. I want to recognize the aches I have and not see them as suffering which I deserve to feel but rather my body’s way of telling me that it needs to be cared for, that I’m asking too much of it.
I’m always keen to rush around and push myself further and harder. If I want to continue to do this then I need my body on my side! I need to nurture it and listen to it so that we can go forward equally rather than me trying to dominate it.
Wow. I really loved seeing these reflections because although not everyone was able to get as much sleep as she would have liked, everyone had a real sense of how much sleep she needs and maybe what’s getting in the way if she’s not getting it right now. That’s incredible self-awareness and an imperative first step in self-care so big applause there! Hooray!
What a powerful observation starting with Nancy’s observation that nature reminds us that we are all perfect in our uniqueness. Yes! And I loved how each of you really embraced this challenge and took yourselves outside. This is an easy practice to embrace when you are feeling out of sorts or unsettled. Put going outside on your list of tools in the tool kit for when you are feeling unaccepting towards yourself or unsettled.
I love how receptive all of you are to yoga. it really is an incredible practice– especially when you keep the idea of everyday being about the practice in your forethoughts. Go kick some asanas, ladies!
These definitions are beautiful to me. Can you see how you fall into your definition? Can you see how the grace we give others is so much sweeter than the grace we give ourselves? Can you allow yourself to be defined by your own definition of beauty?
1. What compliments did you give today? How did it feel to give those compliments? How did people receive them?
I don’t think I made it to five compliments today, but I told a friend she’d handled a situation with her daughter well, it was one thing she was insecure about and I thought she had done well, and it was nice to tell her, she seemed to like it too. I told my Bikram teacher I enjoyed her class, and she gave me a big smile, which was a reward in itself. Oh, and mr S had been doing a lot of work on the house lately, and I told him it all looked great, and that I really appreciated the amount of care he put into the house, and he was happy with that, and it was nice for me to say it, because I’m not doing a lot towards this work on the house, but it is worth a lot to me, so I liked being able to verbalise that.
2. Did you receive any compliments today (and don’t worry if you didn’t!)? If so, were you able to graciously accept?
My Bikram teacher complimented me on a couple of my poses, but there wasn’t really time or occasion to accept, as I was sweating and working hard. I did say thank you in my head, and I smiled hard at her once.
3. How are you feeling about yourself right now?
Fine, it was a positive day with all those compliments!
Susannah, great compliments to give (I know spouses, moms, and teachers love being seen and having their hard, thoughtful work acknowledged!). And a hard smile is an awesome thank you!
Yoga has been so helpful for me in learning to appreciate and tune into my body. I love classes but often can’t get to them so have a hatha yoga dvd for stress relief by Hala Khouri that is an amazing video. She’s all into body awareness and deep breathing. I try to do a 10 or 20 minute segment every day. I feel so much more relaxed after doing it. Yoga is helpful for me with self-acceptance because it helps me be IN my body rather than outside judging it.
1. What did you commit to giving up today and why?
I commit to giving up my eating disorder and the image of myself as the little girl, the thin girl, the petite and tiny girl. I have kept myself trapped in this body for so long, but my voice and and ideas and ambitions are so much larger.
2. How did it feel to either literally or figuratively pack away your measure?
I cannot say this is the first time I have given up this ‘measure’ or that it will be the last, but it feels refreshing to think of the possibilities. It feels freeing, and I feel like I am allowing myself to imagine a future as a true adult. I am an adult. Today is my third wedding anniversary- I have a marriage, a home, two rescue dogs.. I need to respect myself and my future, and if I continue to hang on to that measure of myself as a little girl, I’ll miss out on so much.
3. How might this change your life? How might it allow you to more definitely live your purpose and give your gifts to the world?
I will be able to achieve so much more and will have the freedom to experience things I’ve imagined in my mind: road trips, new jobs, physical challenges, and deepening relationships. It will free up so much mental and actual space and time for me to commit myself to doing good in the world.
Congratulations on your wedding anniversary, Marissa. That’s very exciting. As I was reading your reflection, I was struck by the fact that your idea of yourself as that little girl has served it is purpose and that it does indeed make sense to tell her goodbye and to then step into your bigger dreams. Your words here are powerful. I hope you will print them out for yourself and read them periodically as inspiration along the way.
I work as an optech, and people ask for our opinions about how they look in different pairs of glasses all the time. My manager and I try very hard to always be honest about how the glasses look on the individual, because they are spending their hard earned money on those glasses. But, in the process, they always find “the one”…and it is beautiful. Their faces light up, and you know they have found it. And we always compliment them. Always. But it is an honest compliment. I like giving compliments, and try to do so regularly. Sometimes people are surprised by them.
My husband compliments me on a daily basis, and he means every compliment he gives me. I have a very hard time accepting compliments, because I don’t feel as though I do anything to deserve them. However, I am working on this. There are some times now that when I receive a compliment I am able to accept it, even when I have to bite my tongue and possibly cringe inside.
Right now I feel okay about myself. But I still find myself basing my feelings about myself on how I look in the mirror…or how I ate…or how I did or did not exercise…my worth has been wrapped up in these things for so long it is hard to see that I have worth outside of this small world.
Valerie, Yes, finding just the right glasses can be so empowering and just the right statement. I love that help you people do that! And I also really appreciate that you are working hard on accepting compliments, even if you are cringing on the inside a little. Sometimes you have to fake it to make it so maybe accepting compliments will move to really embracing the compliments you are given soon enough. Finally, I am so sorry to hear that you are still battling with these judgments about your worth. Would revisiting Day 3 and 4 help? There are also some things coming up that might help!
I struggled for years and years with receiving compliments. As long as I saw no worth in myself, I perceived compliments as a picture from a distorting mirror. As I “knew” myself, my perception of myself “had to” be the right one, and the compliments the distorted ones.
How wrong I was! It was a shock to discover that I was the distorted mirror, and the compliments I received had much more truth than I would have ever thought!
Well, I now totally believe in sincere compliment and honest feed-back as a source of growth and self-confidence. I love to pay compliments as well as receive them!
Yesterday I complimented my daughter on e.g. how well she tidied up diverse areas, and how good these areas were consequently looking. She was obviously very proud of herself and did it again later.
Sincere compliments are also a big supporting column of the relationship with my husband. At the beginning he was surprised as I thanked him for the tasks he did in our household, as he thought it was “normal”. These tasks are so kind of irrelevant – though they are very important AND a big proof of love from the one doing them. By noticing and thanking/complimenting, we just accept the given love and give love back too.
Very powerfully said, Cecile. It seems impossible but quite easily we can be the distorted mirror! Also< i love that you and your husband have such a complimentary relationship. That's awesome and indeed an incredible way to give and receive love.
I commit to giving up my constant need for my mother’s approval, giving up my daily goal of finally completing that ever-elusive task to make her happy, because I can’t. She can only do that herself.
Honestly, I feel scared. I feel like 98 out of 100 things I’ve done in my life were to make her happy, so where do I even begin and where does she end? Who am I beyond that impossible goal?
Living with this perspective will change everything. Everything.
How much I feel with you Sara! You made the first, most difficult step: you became aware of the situation! Congratulations! Go on one babystep at a time, you are worth it! Take care
Sara, what a self-empowering thing to give up. You go. Now, what if you didn’t push yourself to already know the answers about where she ends and you begin. What if what you gave yourself right now was the time and grace to explore who it is and how it is you are in the world. What if you don’t need the answer right now but the decision to go on that journey to the answers and let the journey be the goal. What if everyday was about learning one more thing about you. I kind of envision a journal that you go to each night and record one revelation about yourself. I think it would be such an amazing gift to allow yourself to bask in you.
I’m really good about other areas of self-care, but I’m failing miserably at this one- mostly b/c I get up at 4AM on Monday/Wednesday/Friday to run & do yoga. I try to sleep in on Tue/Thurs, but I just find I do better with morning workouts instead of fitting them in (or blowing them off) the afternoon. I’m usually exhausted waking up, but doing my morning routine & then exercising always wakes me up & makes me so happy and feeling good about myself. I try to get to bed by 10, and I can accomplish that about 50% of the time. I know I need to be better…..
I can usually do OK with this, as long as I get rested up on the weekends & sleep in- It feels GLORIOUS when I get 9+ hour of sleep.
I hit the jogging trail this morning & I love being outside. It always uplifts me, but I’d be so much better if it wasn’t miserable hot outside 😉 I like the fresh air, the trees, the gentle breeze, a few animals & bugs moving around before dawn. I love watching my dog run free, taking in the smells & sights, running happily along with me. I like noticing the sky- seeing if the stars are visible, where the moon is at this morning, if there are any clouds looming overhead.
I commit to giving up measuring myself by the size of my clothes. As long as I am feeding my body well and exercising it kindly, who am I too say what size clothes “ought” to fit?
I also commit to stop measuring myself by what other mothers can do. So what if someone else makes having three (or more!) preschoolers seem effortless? That does not me less of a person on the days that my precious two kids are about to drive me out of my mind.
I’ve put away a lot of clothes recently that didn’t fit that will eventually go to the thrift store. It feels good only having clothes that fit staring me in the face while dressing, but the process of packing away the small things wasn’t fun. But I have so much more important things to do with my life than fight with my body, and I think this is an important step.
In terms of packing away measuring myself against other moms, wow, this one is not tangible but it’s a journey I’ve been on recently. I remind myself I’m comparing my inside and my worst days to my friends’ outsides at their best. Not a fair comparison. I also am trying to take some time to tune into what *I* want, not my kids, not my hubby… it’s hard to stop doing something without replacing it with something better. So instead of comparing myself, I’m trying to replace that attitude with a practice of tuning into what I want.
Oh, Jackie, all of this is just so, so wise. Yes! YES!
1. What did you commit to giving up today and why?
I commit to not letting the numbers on the scales influence my day. I have weighed myself every morning for a long time, and I’m not ready to give that up yet, but I am ready to see the numbers for what they are.
2. How did it feel to either literally or figuratively pack away your measure?
It felt good – and tomorrow, I may be a little heavier or lighter, but that shouldn’t matter. I am still me.
3. How might this change your life? How might it allow you to more definitely live your purpose and give your gifts to the world?
If I can stop thinking ‘I am gaining weight, I am getting fat, nobody wants to know me or see me’, then nothing can stop me!
Susannah, If you aren’t quite ready to give up the daily scale, then I do encourage you to go back and just quickly reread Day 3, the passage from Polly Campbell encouraging us just to see things for facts and not with judgment. Later, it might be interesting to explore what need the daily weighing provides but you can decide if it would be or not.
And I can promise you that without ever having laid eyes on you, I want to know you. I bet everyone else does, too!
The first part is easy i find that giving compliments is easy so why is it so hard for me to accept them? I always deflect like your example i worry that they will think i am stuck up if i just say thanks! Who really knows what they are thinking and i should work on not caring what they think because it could be anything! I did receive a compliment and honestly i responded very positively what surprises me is that i had to really think hard if anyone had complimented me at the end of the day. How sad is that? I so focus on others that i don’t even allow myself a moment to love the loving comment made to me!
Faith, I promise you that if someone has taken the time to give you a compliment then he or she really wants you to receive it. They will not think you are stuck up for saying thanks as they already think X is true about you (You look great in that color, for example) and so you saying “Thank you” acknowledges their admiration rather than says “You should think this about me.” Does that make sense?
1. What did you commit to giving up today and why?
“Good enough” – almost my entire wardrobe consists of things that are good enough: things bought only because they were on sale or inexpensive, not because they fit well or are flattering. And because I might lose weight some day, or whatever event in the future that I am hanging onto. I am giving up “good enough” because I am more than good enough right now, the way I am, and I want things that I love right now, even if I am sitting in my house by myself working.
2. How did it feel to either literally or figuratively pack away your measure?
I went through my entire closet and drawers, and put anything that did not fit well or wasn’t something I loved in a big pile on the bed, then anything that was in good shape went into a large garbage bag to donate to the women’s shelter in town. It was weird at first; I found myself feeling like I should keep things just in case. Except I couldn’t explain what the “just in case” instance would be. After the initial nervousness it felt very liberating. Now when I look in my closet, all I see are things that I like, that actually fit me right now (not later when I lose weight) and it makes me smile every time.
3. How might this change your life? How might it allow you to more definitely live your purpose and give your gifts to the world?
I don’t have to constantly hate what I am wearing, or fight with it because it doesn’t fit quite right, and that is really just a reflection of what I feel about myself. So I could move further along the path toward loving who I am now. Because “good enough” means that I am always waiting for the magic time when it all changes and I am suddenly excellent. If I am more than “good enough”, then I could have that much more mental space to do things I love, like my own writing, or working with some other people in town who are interested in starting a group that would work toward making residential renovation/preservation of older houses easier and affordable.
Oh my goodness, Trish! I so resonated with this as I have long had a “that will do” attitude that I realized was actually really punishing me. And while I could see the good enough mindset most easily manifested in my clothing (I did some posts earlier this year about really taking myself out of that mindset when it came to clothes. Here is the first of those posts that I did (I think the other two posts were the very next two days, if you are interred: https://rosiemolinary.com/2012/04/15/moving-past-cardigans/), it was for me, like you, a larger issue. Loved your powerful closing thoughts. Go for it!
The example you gave of the student who gave up the tape measure hit me square between the eyes. I have measured my daily success with a tape measure for 5 years. The past 6 months, though, I haven’t measured with a tape measure, because I “want to get back to a certain size or weight” before I am willing to measure. I haven’t lost the desire to measure, but I don’t want to measure my imperfections. I need to give up that “feeling” of having to be perfect before I consider myself a success.
I believe it will be a long time before I successfully give up that need for perfection; I’ve lived with it for many, many years. I have to take small steps, but just thinking about small ways to do that encourages me.
Taking this step scares me; it makes me cry inside and sometimes outwardly. I honestly don’t know how not striving for perfection in all the areas of my life might even feel or how it might change my life. I might begin to see myself as human, as someone who makes mistakes just like everyone else, who has a normal body, but not perfect by any means. I would like to see myself as someone who does not need to “be fixed”.
Valerie, I so appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this post; it is beautiful for so many reasons but most of all because it brings you to the core of your truth. I was reminded of this post http://www.voxxi.com/you-are-beautiful-just-the-way-you-are-mujer-vox-populi/
and this post https://rosiemolinary.com/2012/06/24/it-is-all-just-information/ as I read. Thank you for taking the shine journey!
I’ve decided to give up all the pants in my closet that are too small. I’m not going to try them on anymore, knowing before I put them on that they won’t fit, and I’m not going to be mad at myself about it.
Good one! I need to do the same…I have a box of “clothes for Jamie to shrink into”….and I need to give that box to charity! Giving those clothes up is going to be hard because (a)they are so cute and (b) because it feels like I’m giving up “hope” to be thin again. But hanging on to them is not good for me at all!!!!
Bravo Emily and Jamie! And if you want to make those old clothes do work for you, consign and trade that cash in for clothes that speak to you today!
Beautifully said!
Pause, sit back, inhale, exhale. Yes, ma’am … get your pause on! Love this and will share it all over. It’s been said “We weren’t created to be human doings, but human beings.” BE. BREATHE.
Lee, what a brilliantly suitable quote! 🙂
1. Where did you pause today? What difference did it make?
I love this idea. Pausing grants us a moment’s grace for clarity. That valuable moment to consider what we really want, how we really feel, why we are reacting that way.#
Yesterday I was walking into town and noticed a girl and was struck by how pretty she was. Her hair was elegantly swept back from her face, her make up was flawless and simple and she had a petite and femininely dressed frame. My instant thought was, how disheveled I must look in comparison with my curly hair, Capri pants and pumps. But I stopped and realized what I was thinking. Yes, she was a pretty girl, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not! I have lovely blonde curly hair (and, thankfully, was having a non-friz good hair day!), a slim, feminine frame,wearing a favourite outfit and with a content smile on my face.
My moment’s pause allowed me to loudly hear the negative inner voice that was attacking my self-confidence and then swiftly kick it to the kerb! The pause allowed me to time to connect with and hear my more softly spoken but increasingly present positive inner voice and believe it!
2. How can pausing have an impact on your life? Where do you most need to commit to pausing?
I am battling so many negative voices at the moment that my need to pause so that I can evaluate the harm I may be doing myself is of paramount importance and will hugely impact the progress I’m making. I will continue to commit to pausing when I hear the old familiar negative voice, or the voice of my eating disorder so that I can challenge it.
This is certainly is up in my list of most valuable challenges so far. Thank you, Rosie!
1. Where did you pause today? What difference did it make?
My pause today was just after lunch, I felt I had so much to do, that I was getting close to panicking. So I closed my laptop, and went for a run. After my run, I had a lovely shower and a drink, and then I went back to work. I was more relaxed than before, and I was also way more productive.
2. How can pausing have an impact on your life? Where do you most need to commit to pausing?
I think I need to learn to take time outs. Even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes, when I feel overwhelmed, I need to step back. And I think maybe when I go back to school, I need to used the breaks as breaks. So not use them for emails or meetings, but just to eat my lunch, or drink some tea.
Boy, I should have read this earlier in the day…I could have used a pause at work. Right now, I am going to pause and listen to my children playing, and remember why it is that I work.
Since I started working through Shine this month, I’ve seen small changes in what I’m doing. Today I didn’t have a long pause that was conscious, but I have noticed myself taking small breaks and just clearing my mind of everything that is going on and relaxing for a few minutes. It helps me focus better when it is time to do work again.
Pausing is something that can impact my life if I let it…and I am seeing the committing to small pauses, at this point in my journey, is serving me well. I go balls to the wall, every minute I’m awake, whether its working, tutoring, going to school, taking care of family, or walking…I don’t stop until I fall into bed. By taking small pauses, I am giving my body a chance to relax for a few minutes, and learning what it feels like to take care of myself.
This one is easy!! My husband took massage therapy classes, so he gives wonderful massages. About once a week, I am the lucky beneficiary of one of those massages. Not only does it relax me, but it gives us a chance to just be together, relaxed, and talk if we want. Also, it makes me vulnerable before him as I have to trust him to bare myself to him and let him work out all the kinks…I have a really hard time with trusting anyone to see me physically…let alone my soul…and since he is my husband, he sees both. So the massage is also an exercise in trust for me.
It always feels wonderful to get a massage. It makes me feel very special that he is willing to take the time, after he has worked all day, to give me a massage.
Oh, wow, how very cool, Valerie- and, yes, you are right, it is a gift to your body but also a gift to your relationship. Good for you for receiving his gift with such thoughtfulness!
I wish I had read this before work today… But tomorrow is another chance to practice pausing! Though I did pause this morning when resting my hand on my husband’s shoulder while lying in bed. He was just about to get up because the alarm had gone off, and we both spent two minutes just breathing together and feeling each other’s warm sleepy presence.
I’m dragging myself out of bed & going for a long run as part of my marathon training- tough & brutal, but I love being healhty & fit. I WILL be sleeping in tomorrow 😉 and need to get a mani/pedi hthis weekend. I also play on scheduling a massage for next weekend.
I know that massage will feel especially good in the midst of all this training. Enjoy!
I paused today in the grocery store when my four year-old was dancing around the cart noisily, getting in the way, and my one year-old was trying to climb out of the cart. I took a couple deep breaths then considered how we could make it through the trip in tact. Then I used the mommy-means-business voice to tell my son that now was not the time for dancing and to tell my daughter that she needed to stay put. Not that logic always works with preschoolers but it worked this time.
1. What body work did you choose for yourself? Why?
I have spent my body work budget for this month (I really set aside money for it), when I treated myself to a fish foot spa on Tuesday. So I can’t make an appointment for a new treatment because of finances, and then I thought I’d give myself a mani this evening, but there’s a cooking class I’m taking tomorrow. So: I had a long shower, did my cuticles, filed my nails and used my fanciest handwash and handcream. When I schedule September’s body work, I’ll dedicate it to you! Oh, and when school starts, I get a chair massage once every other week, a cheap deal from my boss!
2. How did it feel and make you feel? If you have to schedule your appointment, when is it?
I love having things done to my body, even eyebrow waxing! Any kind of massage, mani, pedi, spa days, I love them all. It’s a bit weird, really, I usually can’t stand strangers touching me, but beauticians are always welcome to work their magic. I like to look forward to my treatment, so I book them at least a week in advance, and then enjoy writing them in my diary and planning around them.
I think September will be a facial.
I love that you have this budgeted, Susannah, that’s awesome. And now I must know what a fish foot spa is– I am fascinated!
I was just thinking why did she start this in august with the kids going back to school i barely have a minute to breath and so wish this was started in September so that i could “pause” everyday and read it!!!
1. What did you commit to giving up today and why?
I committed to give up the opinions of others as a measure of my worth.
2. How did it feel to either literally or figuratively pack away your measure?
It was frightening, yet liberating at the same time.
3. How might this change your life? How might it allow you to more definitely live your purpose and give your gifts to the world?
Oh, this will change my life immeasurably! I won’t be consumed by fear and worry that people won’t like me or that they’re judging me! My new motto is “So what? Who cares?”
So what? Who Cares? Indeed, Chibi!
I scheduled an appointment for next Friday for a 1 hour massage. I have a Groupon for one I wanted to try out in my area. I LOVE what Susannah said in a previous comment about having a “body work budget”….I need to do this!!!
Great Groupon purchase, Jamie. And I bet GroupOn would be a great way to work self-care into the budget!
What perfect timing for you sage advice, I am currently in the breakup mode of a three year relationship. Moving back to my farm, getting a new job, not going to school this fall when I finally have the grant I have waited for forever, life is pretty sucky right now for me the big move is Monday after I get settled in I will schedule that mani love them and you are right need to do something for myself thank you so much for this posting it was just what I needed at this time in my life.
Oh, Nancy, my heart goes out to you. I completely understand. Yes, do some sweet things for you right now and be patient with the time you need to heal!
You’re letting us cheat and do it on a Saturday! That’s every Saturday for me! Well, I usually use hair stuff, but I can lose it for a day!
Yes,Emily, you are totally right. The weekend date for this was by design as I thought there might be more takers on a weekend! Baby steps are sometimes the best steps!
As I was walking today, I wanted to enjoy the nature around me – but I just couldn’t. I was hurrying, my head was so full with thoughts, voices, songs, to-dos … I stopped and breathed deeply. It took several minutes until I finally began to notice details in the landscape: the shades of single apples in the trees, a tree that was probably struck by lightning, 3 purple flowers… I went on, and curiously my steps were automatically much slower. As from this moment, I really, deeply enjoyed the walk.
Thanks to your post, I remembered following quote. For a while I paused much more often. I’ll do it again – Thank you for the reminder!
“Try pausing right before and right after undertaking a new action, even something simple like putting a key in a lock to open a door. Such pauses take a brief moment, yet they have the effect of decompressing time and centering you.” A life practice from Br. David Steindl-Rast
I do this on occasion and have no problems doing it today. I do know I’ve pared down on beauty products. Not too long ago, I gave up mascara. If anyone has noticed, NO ONE has said anything.
I’ve been trying to move toward more natural products and avoid chemicals…this is a great challenge!!
It is a great challenge, Jamie– and one that I find I have to constantly revisit as I sometimes want to take the cheaper, more efficient way out.
I do this 2-3 days a week (OK, I admit, usually on these days I’m just working at home or running a few quick errands.) And these are the days I don’t wash my hair — just pull it back in a ponytail. I tell my hubby, “It’s an ugly day, deal with it.” But today it’s Saturday and we have a lunch and movie date … so gotta shine up a bit. Sorry.
I’m going to get inspired and experiment with changing the name of my no-fuss days to “beauty days.”
Yes, definitely change your all natural days to beauty days instead of ugly days, Lee! xoxo
Just found out about you & Shine today, mid-August, so I can’t really participate, but I’m doing an archive read-through. And already I’m squirming. Looking people in the eye creeps me out. It feels like an uncomfortable level of intimacy, as though I’m pretending to be their friend when in fact I don’t know them at all. Probably this has to do with my being faceblind (see prosopagnosia in Wikipedia & elsewhere), so I don’t actually know if I “know” someone at all. But it seems when you look someone in the eye, then they expect you to recognize them if/when they see you again. My approach is to look just past everyone with a vaguely pleasant expression, so if they know me they can take the initiative to smile or speak. I don’t look at my shoes, but staring directly at people seems just asking for trouble.
I do this pretty often. I don’t feel “less worthy” when going natural, and it feels like a special treat when I take the time to put some make-up.
The revelation about my worth without make-up occured for many years.
As I was around 18, maybe 20, I went all natural into a shop (it was not planed) and I had questions to the salesman. He was very young, let’s say around 20. We had a nice small-talk. The salesman was obviously not considering me as “unworthy” or bad-looking. My mother was staying at the entrance of said shop, waiting for me. Afterwards, she told me that this young man obviously found me attractive. It was very embarrassing to me that my mother catched that – BUT just because she witnessed it, I really had to accept that yes, obviously he found me attractive, and yes, obviously even all natural I was nice-looking.
I love that your mom took a moment to make sure you noticed, too, Cecile. Great story.
I sat between old apple trees, with incredible forms telling their story. The apples were unique, with different shades, depending of their exposition to sun, wind and more. Even a tree that has been struck by lightning was beautiful – at the bottom of its tortuous, raw bark, a new plant was growing, adding fresh green. I love the beauty of nature – never constant, always beautiful. I love how it reflects on time passing by, each season with its own beauty.
Applied to myself, the definition of beauty is the same: not a state, not a “as I was 20” nostalgy, but a process. I am beautiful because of my roots, of my experiences in life, that influence the way I smile, the way I hear to people, the way I feel about myself and so my self-confidence.
1. What was your reaction when you first heard about this challenge? Why? Did you forgo all of your products today? If not, why not? If so, how did you feel going without?
I had to take a rain check on this one, I was going to a course, and had to meet a lot of new people, and I’d rather do that with some war paints on. However, I wore much less than usual and didn’t put any junk in my hair.
2. How did people react? Were you surprised by that?
I have done it before though, and people don’t seem to notice. Or at least, not enough to say anything about it. Last time I went make up-less, a friend complimented me on my skin, which was nice, I take care of it, and it was good to see someone notices.
3. What did you learn about the ingredients in your beauty products? What changes are you willing to make?
I am already very aware of the ingredients of my stuff, so I didn’t learn anything new there. I need a bit of silicone to make my hair soft, but apart from that, I am on the right track.
4. What have you learned after doing this?
That I look the same to people, if I’m wearing a lot of make up or just a bit. I’ll go bare tomorrow, but I doubt it will be an issue for anyone,
Great observations, Susannah. And your war paint reference made me laugh.
This was an easy challenge for me, because I don’t wear makeup more often than not. I grew up in an outdoorsy/granola college town where the adult female dress code was jeans and a fleece… but now I live in the South where I sometimes wonder if I’m still on the same planet. When I DO wear makeup, I feel like it confines me, though I’m actually trying to wear it a little more often these days, wondering if taking a little more time with my appearance will help me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.
And as for the ingredients in beauty products, it’s scary. I do a green living blog and it is so difficult to navigate any conventional products without exposing yourself to who-knows-what. I try to limit my exposure by using little and skipping whole types of things (like nail polish, hair spray, makeup, etc.).
Jackie, you bring up a good point that sometimes it can be a positive boost to spend a little more time on your appearance. It absolutely can. The key is to not let looking one day become a crutch for your beauty (to begin to believe that the only way you can be beautiful is if your hair is straightened, you are wearing make-up, etc). You may indeed want to experiment a little to see if something gives you a boost. Sometimes when we do nothing, what we are really communicating is not comfort with our natural selves but a desire to be invisible. It can be important to figure out what our personal message is and respond to that.
I wrote a list a couple of months ago, based on your blog, and it felt overwhelming, and i haven’t yet accomplished all the things i would like to do on it. So, it is funny, that starting yesterday, I decided that I was going to spend a whole day doing just what i wanted, not what other people needed me to do, not what i thought i should be doing but just what i wanted. i am on vacation with my family, and we have been gone almost a month, and while being on vacation should make it easier to do what I want, it isn’t for me, while i would not see myself as a people pleaser and amongst my friends, i am known for taking solo vacations and overnights away from my family to reconnect with friends, i have a hard time, while with my family, doing what i want, mostly because our family is a democracy (although i always say it is a monarchy and i am the queen) and as the children at home now are 3 boys, 2 of whom are teens, they never want to do what I do, for instance, on vacation, not one museum or art gallery has been seen. i am not a complete martyr, we spend 2 days on the Oregon coast at a very expensive hotel, that I loved, and the boys were not crazy about, but after spending the day at Disneyland yesterday, I decided that I was not going to accompany them to Universal Studios, I had enough of the theme park line-ups and I don’t do rides anyway, to do take this day for myself. I started last night with a Cirque du Soleil performance, by myself, and then today, had a leisurely breakfast by myself, went to the movies. I watched 2 movies in a row, none of which my boys would want to watch at all, and then I had an early dinner in a pub, and then read my novel by the pool. What a great day, and no regret or feeling guilty. and I enjoyed it very much.
Bravo, Julie, and what an awesome day! I love it! Sidenote: the list should only be an invitation for inspiration not demeaning. I have never, ever finished my birthday list. Ever. But I’ve done some cool things because of it.
I hardly ever wear make up except mascara, so this was easy for me. 🙂 A challenge would have been to put makeup on. I don’t know what people think of my naked face & it’s really not a concern of mine. Hair products – now that is a different story. My hair is very crazy curly and coarse. I only use 1 styling product and let my hair air dry. But if i didn’t use anything – shooo … scary.
Jenn, I am a curly girl, too so I understand although sometimes I even go productless there which can really be, um, electric. Smile.
This was probably the easiest day of the challenge for me so far. I’ve gone without any makeup or haircare products for several years now, except for the occasional mascara. Most days I don’t even wear that. Even after all the time of going out “bare” some days I see someone stunning because of all the “fixing up” and feel a touch of jealousy. But in all honesty, I’d rather spend the time doing something else than putting makeup on that I can’t really afford anyway. As for my hair, I used to be the queen of hair products; I wore it an inch long and spikey for many years. Four years ago I decided to let my hair grow out…and it is now past my waist. I love it.
Most people I know have never seen me with makeup, so that would be the surprise to them. I can remember two of my cousins telling me something interesting at a family reunion about 15 years ago; I sat down to visit with them and they told me I looked so young (we were all the same age)…and they decided that they reason I looked younger than them is that I hadn’t worn heavy makeup for all the years they had worn it. I don’t have any idea if that is true, but I do know I still look younger than them…and at my age I’m not complaining:).
I still have days I feel very plain and boring when I go to work dressed up but without makeup or a fancy haircut. But I feel these feelings when I begin comparing myself to others, and that is something I’m trying to stop doing.
Oh, Valerie, I love that your cousins made this observation and I also love your good self-awareness that any insecure feelings you are having are about the comparisons you decide to make. Awareness breeds healing!
1. What are a few of the things that made it on to your “I want to try this” list?
Learn to ski, a new yoga pose, bake bread, sew a skirt and make a Christmas pudding.
2. What did you try today? How did it go?
I was going to start knitting something that wasn’t a scarf or a hat, but apart from the fact that it’s too hot to knit, I already did something new, as I finally succeeded in a yoga pose that I hadn’t managed to do before, so I was very proud of myself – mostly because I thought I couldn’t do it, and the teacher said ‘Susannah, I think you should go for the full pose’, so I was proud that he thought I could do it, and proud because I really could!
3. What did you learn from this experience?
In this case, that I should really just try things and not be scared. So I’ll start arranging to do the other things too.
You go, Susannah. What pose?
I loved this post- I only ever wear mascara and sometimes lip gloss from Burt’s Bees- but the day of the challenge I had to go to a work party (I live on a community land trust and it was time to build the community garden)- …This post reminded me that I needed to protect my skin with sun block. So now I REALLY don’t have to wear any makeup because I didn’t get fried after 5 hours of grueling yard work! Thank you for the constant reminders to care for ourselves. That kindness is everything.
Cassie, glad you wore the sunscreen and how cool that you live on a community land trust. SO INTERESTING!
Today I decided to schedule a one-hour mindfulness/yoga session at a local meditation parlor. I know it isn’t technically a manicure or pedicure, but I am not very good at resting my body, and this is what I need. It made me feel anxious to think about sitting still and meditating and being with my body for that long, but also excited about the chance to do something good for my health. The appointment is tomorrow, and I look forward to it.
Oh, Marissa, this sounds like the perfect self-care. Good for you for identifying what your body needed and giving it to yourself!
I had no issues with this challenge. I often go makeup free and product free, especially in the summer. I know this will likely change when I am back in school and doing my field placement (and have to look ‘professional’), but regarding the products I use, I am ultra aware of what is in them already. I am vegan and care deeply about animal products and animal testing, so I search PETA’s cruelty database and the EWG’s Skin Deep database. I also just like the feel of no makeup (or little makeup) and fewer products. Plus, I get compliments on the natural texture of my hair, and I feel like I can get more accomplished when I don’t take up the extra 30 minutes prepping my face and hair.
Yes, Marissa, that time is a big difference maker. I got really engaged in embracing my natural hair texture when I was young after I figured out that blowing my curls out straight gave me 300 less hours each year. I couldn’t believe I was trading 12 days of my life for not so straight hair. I now give myself 90 minutes a week maximum on hair. I rarely take it but that allows me a blow out or two if I feel like it. I think I’ve blown my hair out 1 day this summer. Having that realization about time and then putting a rule in place was quite clarifying for me.
What are a few of the things that made it on to your “I want to try this” list?
I want to get back into rock climbing. It made me feel strong, empowered and happy in my skin. I also want to keep up with my blog and spread the word about my blog in my community. I feel so much passion when I write, and I feel alive again when I’m researching topics and editing my posts. Another thing on my long list is taking a road trip when I graduate from my (next) Master’s program. It’s two years away, and I think I’ll be in a better place mentally and physically by then. I dream about how wonderful it will be for my husband and me.
2. What did you try today? How did it go?
Today I worked on my blog and handed out fliers at some local vegan establishments. I networked at a vegan event, and spoke with some activists after a talk about my work and my shared commitment to their cause.
3. What did you learn from this experience?
I learned that people are excited to hear when someone is passionate as well, and that they are often open to your ideas and to passing along a resource.
You are so right, Marissa. People LOVE passion. It is inspiring in general and also personally inspiring. Keep going, friend!
I have many health concerns, primarily my eating disorder and my migraines. I have been taking steps towards recovery in both directions. Last week, I received Botox for my chronic migraines, and am working a meditation practice into my routine to try and settle my body and mind (good for both the migraines and eating disorder). In regards to the eating disorder, I am being more honest with myself and my providers about how well I’m doing on my meal plan, my exercise plan, and my commitment to recovery. I have appointments booked several weeks in advance for all of my providers, and it feels good to know that I have these set up. I don’t cancel (unless I have a severe migraine) and I know that I will find relief when I talk to my doctors or therapists about what I’m struggling with. Caring for my mind and body reminds me that I matter and that accepting who I am now does not mean that I cannot grow and become a stronger, healthier person.
Marissa, How wonderful that you are being so deliberate about your care and really seeing your providers and being honest with them. That is so important. You do indeed matter and I love that you are doing everything you can to be stronger and healthier. Keep going!
Done! An almost total body care… face, skin, feet, etc… I think I’ve spent more than 2 hours in the bathroom – but OOOHHH was it good!!! A triple gift of love to myself:
– finally taking so much time just for myself, without any negative thoughts – I’m worth it! Go me!
– due to my current limited energy, I have to make choices every day. Usually I choose ironing-kid sitting-other family or home related activities. So I consciously chose to skip ironing! And you know what: the outside (and room) temperature was so high – it was really a gift of love to myself choosing NOT to iron!
– as I took care of myself in the morning, I was able to spend time with my daughter in the wading pool on the afternoon and enjoy the summer!
Bravo, Cecile. Your current situation is actually all about realizing and honoring the need for this and how doing this for you is actually giving others a gift, too. Love.
wow…. this shine project is certainly making me stop and think about where i place my energy & truly realize how much is given to my job. Even though i have developed some boundaries – i don’t work as often at home for free – the job takes up a lot of my mental & emotional energy. & then i wonder why other things in my life aren’t successful.
So this is what i am going to try. I am going to try to take a day off this week – just for the heck of it. & i will start there…..
That is awesome, Jenn. Will you report back after the fact?
In my 20’s, I neglected my body – and my soul. So what, I’m young and strong, everybody else seems to manage life easily, so I can too – a kind of wonderwoman I suppose….
Now in my 30’s, reality is confronting me: I had to do a lot of dental care last year, I recover from back and knie aches (but still have to build and maintain some more muscles), I finally have new glasses, and I care for myself = my soul too. I’m realistic: it’s a never ending process, so it is all the best if I enjoy it.
So my current health issue: my muscles. A real challenge under my current health condition. And I put now a reminder for 2013 (post-pregnancy) to organize a regular physical activity.
Cecile, how good that you are really taking this on now and you are so, so right, it is a never ending process. In fact, that is the whole point- the journey is the goal. If we are journeying, we are trying and honoring the way.
This one was easy peasy for me. Growing up my mom never wore up and many of the women I admired frequently wore little or no makeup and I always preferred the way they looked without makeup. As a result I wear makeup very infrequently. I have experimented with makeup over the years and found although I do think it makes me look more put together I have never been very comfortable with it. When I wear makeup it is usually only a little eyeliner and lip gloss.
I do find that my no-makeup routine and my current unemployment often leads to me not getting dressed until noon and looking sloppy when I do. I find myself wondering if I might want to try wearing just a little makeup again or at least find a way to help my self get put together in the morning, because I find I feel happier and more productive when I look nicer than ratty Pjs or an old t-shirt.
Amy, I think you bring up a good point. Many days, I work from home and I do find that I am more productive with a routine in place (I don’t sleep in, I report to my computer by a certain time everyday, etc) and when I get dressed as opposed to wearing my workout clothes all day. You might want to experiment a little and see if there is anything in particular that helps you to feel and be more productive and happy.
I was just bugging my husband this weekend for him to schedule a physical & I told him I needed to also. It’s on my list for today & I commit to doing it (once their office opens). I just appreciate that nobody cares about my body as much as I do & I’m going to be stuck with it the rest of my life, so I really want it to be in its best shape for decades to come. That’s why I’m also committing to losing a few pounds, continuing to exercise, and generally eating healthier (less processed) foods.
Love this sentence, Amanda: I just appreciate that nobody cares about my body as much as I do & I’m going to be stuck with it the rest of my life, so I really want it to be in its best shape for decades to come.
Hear! Hear!
Some of the things I put on my list are, Learn French, Join a book club,
Learn to ride a bike on a busy street(I would love to be able to travel more by bike but I often freak out if I am riding alone and there is much traffic), and Attend Knit Nights regularly.
Sundays are super busy for me and I didn’t have time to try anything new today.
I am super introverted and despite having moved to this city more than three years ago I probably know fewer 50 people and have maybe one friend( not super close) besides by husband. So a lot of the things on my list are about getting me out of the house and finding a community for myself–which terrifies me especially if I have to go alone.
Great way to approach your list, Amy. I am an introvert, too, so I know that anxiety, but I also know that what people most connect to is the way I respond to them so I engage one on one with people even in public spaces and often find that the meaningful conversation we are able to have is not just good for the I in me but also good for those Es out there, too! Wishing you all the best.
This post from Julie is just beautiful to me. It is so right on. It is amazing what a simple pause can do and I hope this is one day’s challenge that everyone will keep taking with them moving forward! Loved your comments!
Lee is such an inspiration! Always willing to share her experience to brighten the day. So happy “Yes Ma’am” is a hit….what a awesome message.
Gail
She is, indeed, Gail!
1. What health concerns do you want to have a better handle on?
All in all, I am quite healthy, but I though of three things: mr S and I need to make an appointment at the dentist, I need to make sure my glasses are still the right strength, and I really need to get my squeeze on. (I LOVE that expression), but I don’t need an appointment for the last thing. Oh, and I injured my lower back at yoga last week, and I needed to get some cream for that. And I need to restart my meditation practice. That’s not three things, haha.
2. Did you call and schedule all of your appointments today?
No. Mr S and I have to align our diaries for the dentist, and the optician is closed on Mondays. I will do the breast exam tonight in bed and do the upright bit in the shower tomorrow morning. And phone the optician. I did go out to get some cream for my back, and scheduled my meditation for tomorrow.
3. How did it feel to be proactive about those appointments?
It felt good, like I am in control about how my body and mind are doing.
4. How does caring for your health matter in your growing self-acceptance?
Well, if my body is not something annoying I drag behind me, but something I take care of properly, then I might enjoy it a bit more!
Nice, thorough look at things, Susannah. and you made me laugh with getting your squeeze on.
PS am I the only person that can’t get into the Yes Ma’am site?
You are right, Susannah. I just tried and it seems to be shut down. I’ll check with Lee and update when I know more! Thanks!
1. What health concerns do you want to have a better handle on?
I deal with depression and GAD; since moving, I don’t have a doctor who is familiar with my medical history, so this is a big priority for me.
2. Did you call and schedule all of your appointments today?
No: we also need to find a dentist! I’m generally on top of making appointments for check-ups and such, though.
3. How did it feel to be proactive about those appointments?
It always feels good to be efficient!
4. How does caring for your health matter in your growing self-acceptance?
I know I need to be my number one priority: no one else can take of my health for me/like I can.
Chibi, you are right– no one else can take care of us like we take care of ourselves! Hope you have started finding good providers!
Oh, Rosie! This one is right up my alley – I have an ever-growing list of self-esteem songs on my blog! If you’re interested, I’d be honoured if you wanted to link to it in your post. 🙂
http://www.chibijeebs.com/p/self-esteem-playlist.html
I can’t wait! I’m going to belt it out all the way to work– and that’s not a short trip!
I usually listen to books in the car… today, perhaps I’ll sing?
Today’s a wobbly day for me after an appointment this morning with my ED specialist and now I feel like I’ve been knocked off kilter. When I look in the mirror I feel happy with myself but she’s questioned my status quo and now I feel off balance.
Consequently,I’m questioning whether I deserve to give myself any of those things? I’d say, yes, but she’s making me think otherwise (perhaps it’s my guilty conscience wondering whether I’ve fallen back into a state of denial). I don’t quite know how to fathom this out.
However, if I were to choose a treatment of choice (and money were no object!) I’d have a full body Thai massage- bliss. But, the more economic DIY option would be a long, hot shower with my favourite shower gel, followed by a good moisturize and a face mask. I’d sit quietly with some music on and take my time painting my toe nails and enjoying looking after myself.
But, how can I ‘reward’ myself when I’m questioning whether I’m really being honest with myself? Such behaviour doesn’t deserve reward, it deserves to be understood and challenged.
LadyEm, I am sorry to hear that it is a wobbly day though I understand why it would be. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I had two thoughts come to mind as I read. The first deals with your last thought– how can I reward myself when I’m questioning whether I am really being honest with myself? Do you feel that rewards are only for behavior that can be labeled as good? I wonder what it might be like to allow yourself permission to enjoy things just because you are alive and taking delight is part of life. Even if we maybe made a choice that day that, upon reflection, we wouldn’t make again or even if we don’t do as well on a test or whatever. I worry about rewards being reserved for ONLY doing things right because that can be disempowering. And is treating our whole self a reward or a responsibility? I think because our body carries us through our lives and allows us to experience everything if it might actually be a responsibility we have to treat our bodies well in response to what they give us, in order to keep them running. What if you gave yourself permission to take that long hot shower not because you achieved some particular benchmark but just because you enjoy it and it makes you feel cared for? What would that allow?
The other thought I had was around your blood levels not yet being what your specialist would like to see. What if rather than having that be a reflection of the kind of processing you are making, you allow it to be information that shapes your days. My blood levels are X, I need them to be Y, and here are the steps that I need to take to get them closer to Y. That your blood levels are different from what you need doesn’t mean your bad or that you have failed, it simply gives you information about what to do moving forward. I know it’s not quite that easy and that the ED voice can sometimes be a confusing and misleading one, but I just don’t want you to feel like you’ve made no progress. Because you obviously have.
Wishing you continued healing and all things good!
Ooh, this is probably a good one for me given I’ve just seen my ED specialist this morning and we have discussed widening the range of foods I’m comfortable eating.
Steak! I used to *love* steak, medium rare with handcut chips and a side salad. Now, I’d only be comfortable with the salad, the chips would be out of the question and I’d be eyeing the steak suspiciously.
However, it was a food that I used to love and not think twice before eating, so I will put steak on my list.
Meditation. I’m growing increasingly interested in Buddhism , meditation and yoga. So, I’ve been in touch with my (not so local!) Buddhist centre and am going along to a group meditation session tomorrow.
I’ll report back on how both experiences went!
Chocolate Brownies! I’ve never baked brownies before but a really good brownie takes some beating! I’d love to learn to bake a delicious brownie. As for eating it, I’ll work up to that. I could try a small piece though.
These are really awesome things to put on your list, LadyEm. If you end up finding a fabulous brownie recipe, you’ll have to share!
This is a particularly timely challenge. This morning I met my ED specialist who said that despite the fact that I think I’m perfectly fit and healthy, I am still underweight and my blood counts are abnormally low. I can’t relate to either of these. I’m energetic and I don’t feel ‘ill’. I question whether I’m really straining my body? But then, it seems to be keeping up with me. I *need* to get a better handle on this.
On an entirely separate note, I’m overdue a smear test. I’d had to cancel one that was arranged and have put off rearranging. I will organise an appointment.
Caring for my health and accepting it do go hand in hand, although this is one pairing that I struggle with. When my weight was very low and I eventually saw the mess I was in, it scared me. As I began to eat again I saw the change and liked nourishing my body. But now I feel that I’m healthy again, I struggle to accept when test results conflict with this feeling.
This is something I need to give a lot more thought to.
Sending love, LadyEm. You are onto something and I know you’ll turn that corner towards even greater alignment!
I sing on the way to work…driving down the highway…no one to tell me I sing off-key or too loud. Yesterday I sang Rolling in the Deep by Adelle and That’s What makes you beautiful by One Direction, among other songs. I love singing out loud in the car! I feel, in that moment, carefree.
I always use singing to pick up my mood; it is something all my kids do too. We used to sing together in the car!
What a fun and effective challenge!
I too love to sing (not terribly well!) but would always pop my ipod in and belt out some Lionel Richie whilst doing the vacuuming (poor neighbours, of course I had to sing louder to hear over the vacuum cleaner and through the headphones!!)
In the depths of my ‘dark days’ I stopped singing. I stopped communicating on many levels really, but singing to me is an expression of joy, of being part of the world, of letting go of myself and I couldn’t do any of those then.
As I started to feel brighter I got my voice back and now I love singing again and find myself doing it lots and when I least expect it…brushing my teeth for example singing the ditty from the toothpaste advert; messy!
Singing like nobody’s listening is a true pleasure and always brings a smile to my face (I’m smiling now just thinking of it!)!
Rosie, We saw you today with Colleen Odegaard ~ thank you so much for everything you do! I: signed up for your newsletter, followed you on Twitter, and liked you on Facebook, and followed Karina Dresses on Twitter and liked them on Facebook. Thanks Again!
Rosie, What a wonderful series! Thanks so much! At lunch today my whole office watched you on Charlotte Today with Colleen Odegaard ~ thank you so much for everything you do! Each of us has signed up for your RosieMolinary newsletter, followed you on Twitter, and liked Rosie Molinary on Facebook, as well as clicked to follow Karina Dresses on Twitter and liked Karina on Facebook. I’ve adopted: Be Passionate! Be Purposeful! Plunge In!
I’ll probably be singing “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles (good for a self-esteem playlist, by the way), and something from Michael Franti’s “Yell Fire” album after I pick up my kiddo from school today. 🙂 I love to sing along. My partner and I were singing every song that came on the radio Saturday night at the coffee shop. Music is a key way that our family connects. The song I am most likely to belt out anywhere is “Brown-Eyed Girl.”
One that I really like I “Firework” by Katy Perry….love the message and the energy 🙂
1. What song did you sing? Why did you choose it? Where did you sing?
I sang ‘One day like this’ by Elbow. I only just discovered this song, and I love it. I sang it at my laptop, so I could cheat and look up the lyrics. I had to wit till mr S went outside, because my voice is awful…
2. How did it feel?
It felt great, I made a lot of noise, especially at ‘It’s looking like a beautiful day’. Because it was.
3. Can you see using singing as a tool to boost your mood when you are in need of a pick-me-up? If signing won’t work, will listening to music? If so, what can your go to song be?
I have a Happy playlist on my iPhone, for when I’m feeling a bit low. I have a few go to songs, ‘Always someone cooler than you’, when I’m a bit angry, and sometimes ‘Walking on sunshine’ can really cheer me up. And there’s a great Dutch song, called ‘Prachtig mooie dag’ , that always helps.
1. What song did you sing? Why did you choose it? Where did you sing?
“I Love Myself Today” by Bif Naked.
2. How did it feel?
Good!
3. Can you see using singing as a tool to boost your mood when you are in need of a pick-me-up? If signing won’t work, will listening to music? If so, what can your go to song be?
My mom said something thoughtless when I was 12 that has kept me from singing loudly enough to be heard, so I’ll only sing in the car and/or when no one is around. I am starting to care less if people *see* me singing in the car, though… 😉
I do not sing well … & i don’t care. This was easy peasy for me. I enjoy singing no matter how i sound and i sing often. Today i sang praises to my cats and my dog – simple silly ditties. I sang along w/ Krishna Das, Michael Franti, Janis Joplin, and Paul Simon in the car. Music definitely helps me to center.
A French song, translated:
“I give you all of my differences,
All these imperfections that are as many chances,
We’ll never be standards, part of the best society,
I give you what I have, what I am worth”
I love singing! It definitely is part of my day-to-day life! And yes it make me feels so great!
One of the best memories I have from my childhood were the long hours on the road to vacation – the 4 of us would sing together on any song we would know – and we definitely were not a very harmonic team, but such a happy one!
1. What connection did you make to a community member or cause?
There is a charity called ‘Mind’ which deals with mental health issues. As well as making a donation to the shop, I also spent some time chatting with the volunteers; three wonderful elderly ladies, who were jovial, kind and enthusiastic. We chatted and laughed like true ‘washer women’!
2. How did you make your decision about what to do?
Mental health is a cause particularly close to my heart and one which I don’t think is sufficiently well funded or talked about. It was an easy decision to try to do something to help and I hope to continue to do so.
3. How did it make you feel?
I’d been having a low day and chatting with the volunteers made my spirits soar. They were just so enthusiastic about my donation and were so welcoming in the way they chatted to me. I was so touched by these ladies that I went to my favourite cake shop and bought three delicious cakes for them. I had them boxed up and a ribbon put on to make them extra special. When I returned to the shop and gave them to the ladies they were so overwhelmed that it had quite an unexpected effect on me. I’d wanted to thank them for just being themselves and to let them know how they’d buoyed me up. To them, however, they were just being themselves.
I left the shop with a tear in my eye. I was struggling to accept being the focus of such appreciation. My gesture hadn’t been intended to be about me, I was only thinking of them and hadn’t expected anything in return.
On reflection, I now feel pleased that in the same way that they made me feel special, I also made them feel special, and this was done only via small gestures.
This post, LadyEm? Filled me with so much Happy. I LOVE that you did that for them. How awesome!
I am a counselor and before I moved (about a year ago), I volunteered every Tuesday evening at a counseling center….I did this for 4 years and LOVED it. I was even doing the same thing during the day but the energy I received from volunteering was truly amazing!!! I need to find something like that in my new community!
Anyway, I appreciate these websites. Another pretty good one is care2.org. I think greatergood.com will become a regular for me!!
Oh, what an amazing gift to give, Jamie. I love the idea of volunteering at a counseling center– I tell anyone who will listen that counseling is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. And now i have to go check out care2.org!
1. What connection did you make to a community member or cause?
I volunteered to teach a meditation and relaxation classc at my school. I wanted to do it, I think the kids could really do with a course like that, but there’s no money, and they don’t feel they could ask me to do it for nothing. But I told them I think it’s important enough to do it, and if it’s a succes then maybe they can pay me to do it next year.
2. How did you make your decision about what to do?
I don’t have any money to give to charity at the moment, so I thought I’d give some time to something important. And this is it.
3. How did it make you feel?
Great – I get to do something I like and think is important, and I like knowing I’m not doing it because I’m paid for it. I’m doing it because it’s important and I think it should be done. I’m hoping it will be incredibly rewarding, not as a career thing, but because it’s good for the kids.
I think this is just such a cool offering, Susannah. Bravo!
I do pretty good with the water generally, but mostly because every one of my 24 oz bottles has a crystal light in it. I will work on cutting down- may be every other bottle without it. I like the flavor & not drinking calories, but i know that they chemicals aren’t good for me.
This is something I taught my kids from the day they were tiny…we help others when we can. If we can’t help them with money, we help them with time. It is just a routine part of my life, and I see them doing the same thing as they have grown up. If someone needs help, they are there. I love helping others who don’t expect it; their faces show the surprise that a stranger would help them and expect nothing in return.
At this point in my life I am not in a position financially to help many people; I do what I can. There is one thing I do, that while it isn’t big, it has made a difference. I get rewards/coupons in the place I work, and I cannot use them; so when I get these, I watch from the position I work in and when I find a momma shopping for children’s clothes who looks overwhelmed at the prospect of paying for all that, I give her the coupon. Last time the coupon was substantial, and they were so surprised. I remember what it felt like having to clothe children; sometimes there just wasn’t enough to go around.
Valerie, I love that you can now see the lesson you taught in your older children. That makes me happy. And I also love that you share those rewards with some unsuspecting mom. How awesome!
This particular challenge, on this particular day, was very meaningful. Just yesterday I set a goal for myself to start drinking more water again, and to quit drinking icees. I have gotten into the habit of walking down to our local grocer, who has icees, from work…we can fill our cup free all day. I only fill it once, but I’ve noticed that I’ve come to depend on this icee to help me relax and unwind after a long, tiring day at work. This is not bad if that is my choice, but I’ve been doing it on auto pilot, and at the expense of drinking enough water.
So, as of yesterday I made the decision that I would not have an icee anymore unless I was going to get it, sip it, and enjoy it. Not use it to “zone out”…not to drink it on auto pilot. At the same time I decided to start drinking more water again. When I drink plenty of water, I notice a remarkable thing. My skin, which has become much drier since I turned 50, is so dry…and some days no amount of lotion helps. However, when I keep myself well hydrated on a daily basis, with water, it makes my skin softer, from the inside out, and I don’t need so much lotion. Drinking enough water helps our skin feel and look younger and healthier, I think.
So, I accept this challenge and will work hard at completing it!
I regularly donate money and supplies to the local animal shelter. When I had free time, I also gave time weekly to walk dogs etc. Wish i could do more. Would someday like to foster animals in need of a home.
That’s awesome, Jenn. Animals are near to my heart, too. I dream of training a guide dog one day. It’s good to have those longer term dreams on our lists, too!
1. How much water do you typically drink in a day? Was it a challenge to drink at least 50 ounces of water? How did the water itself make you feel?
I drink about 4 litres of water a day, and then there is all the herbal tea I drink. So it wasn’t a challenge at all – I love drinking water. I stopped drinking all soft drinks 2 years ago, and I never missed them. I drink a glass of water as soon as I get up in the morning, and then keep on drinking!
2. How did it feel to do deliberately embrace caring for your physical self in this way? What did you learn about the benefits of deliberately taking these sorts of steps?
As I’d already been doing this for some time, it wasn’t really a deliberate move. But I do enjoy it, and I am glad to have banished all soft drinks, including all the aspartame sweetened junk, from my glass.
I’m a water fiend. I drink between 64 and 128 ounces of water a day, normally. I notice quickly when my water is out of whack. I rarely drink anything that isn’t water–except for my single cup of coffee in the morning, and some green tea. Thanks for this reminder to be deliberate with my care for my body.
I usually drink a ton of water. However, this summer has been incredibly busy and i’ve let myself become very dry. This challenge reminded me to get back to taking care of myself in at least this way.
So today I started re-hydrating. Not sure how much I actually drank. But i am beginning to feel better. Thanks for the reminder.
1. How much water do you typically drink in a day? Was it a challenge to drink at least 50 ounces of water? How did the water itself make you feel?
I *try* to drink 2L of water a day (64 ounces), but generally I only get about 1.5L. It wasn’t too difficult to drink a little more! I was actually feeling very sluggish this afternoon and realized I was likely dehydrated, so I chugged a bunch!
2. How did it feel to do deliberately embrace caring for your physical self in this way? What did you learn about the benefits of deliberately taking these sorts of steps?
I also *try* to make a concerted effort at self-care, but I can hit or miss with that, too – I seem to always end up last on my priority list.
I drink lot of plain water. 64 ounces a day are far not enough….
I just cannot imagine drinking less water and more soft drinks or so. Water is just my normal beverage, thanks to my parents who authorized us to drink only 1 soft drink a week as special treat.
My consumption increased in my 20’s, as my blood pressure went down. Drinking at least 2 glasses of water for breakfast really pushes my blood pressure high enough to feel awake… I let my doc check if this was OK, and yes for my needs and my body, I can go on this way.
And when I’m struggling in the office, I drink one glass – not only helps the short break a lot, but also my brain is thankful for the re-hydratation. I heard that a lack of only 2% of water in your body results in a loss of efficiency of 20% – scary… but so easy to countersteer.
My answers for today:
1) What surprised you today?
I had a lovely speak with the father-in-law of my neighbour. I’ve discovered that he is a Francophile and a supporter of Europe as it brings people of diverse nationalities together, so it reinforces peace. That’s exactly the way I feel too, and it was a wonderful surprise to speak about it with somebody I just knew by sight.
What this reveals about me? I’ve found my place as a “foreigner”, and I don’t expect people to know how it feels – however, and because of my knowledge as foreigner, I love to attack related prejudices and engross people’s thoughts on the topic.
2) What challenged you today?
The storm this night, that provoked Delight to wake up and not sleep in again – at least for a while.
What this reveals about me: I was proud to see that I’ve managed it by my own – “normal” for a mother, but hey, I love to celebrate the “normal” positive little things of life!
3) What do you need right now more than anything else?
Sleep! After 2 weird nights, I guess it does not reveal that much. But you can be sure I’ll get this sleep during the week-end, even if I have to take a nap!
These questions are really a good way to reflect on my day, and to identify issues I would maybe not see consciously. I knew the exercize from Beautiful You, and it already helped a lot, but until today I did not considered to use it again. Come to think of it, I should make a short list of some such exercizes, in order for me to check my state regularly (and countersteer if needed) during the coming challenging time after Baby’s birth… It would be a great gift of love to myself.
Rosie, see, your great help has a long-lasting impact! Thanks so much that you chose to engage on these issues!
For some years I spent money to Unicef and a small organisation in Kenia called Asante, with the bad feeling I was “only” buying myself a good conscience because I had no time to spend (though I could have simply enjoyed to do what I was able to).
Now I’m finally in the opposite situation!
I chose to “act local”, even if totally unspectacular.
– I spend clothes and toys to the local shelter for exiles.
– I spend some food or personal care articles when I see somebody begging on the parkplace.
– I take the time to hear, spend some cents and have a small-talk or pay a compliment to people playing music on the street.
– In the coming weeks, I will begin to help our neighbourhood’s meeting place “for all generations” to serve once a week with coffee and cake.
– I am looking for ways to help with my French as mothertongue, because I’d love to use my specifities. Offer support in schools or Kindergarten?
– I have slowly begun to switch from my “not-sustainable” habits to more sustainable ones: I check which food I can get from local farmers (or my garden), I replace step by step cleaning products or personal care by more natural ones. I try to not support slavery worldwide by avoiding products I know are produced that way (if possible) or at least prolonge the life time of clothes by reparing them, leaning my / my daughter’s clothes, spending them, exchanging them, or sometimes buying 2nd hand. And I speak about it around me – maybe it will inspire somebody else?
– And last but not least: I am registered as potential organ donator, and I am also registered as potential bone marrow donator, as this may be the only hope of somebody worldwide to heal from leukemia.
Very little steps, but every step in the right direction is a good one! I feel that my little life has a meaning just as it is, and it can have a positive impact in this world. This feeling is so pushing my self-esteem up! Who cares that I am not perfect?!
What a great, conscientious list, Cecile. I especially appreciate that you are registered on the bone marrow registry. I ran a registry program for years as part of one of my jobs and it was such a powerful experience to see donors we registered become donors. Who would have known that six years into doing that work, my dad would be diagnosed with a rare lymphoma? He ended up not needing a transplant, but it was a powerful reminder of how important that work was!
What surprised you today?
I felt more social today than usual. I was drawn into conversations with strangers and neighbors where I’d normally go back into my home, continue with my dog walk, etc. I think I felt a need to connect because my mood has been better and I’m feeling optimistic.
What challenged you today?
I feel challenged by the fact that today is my last day of nannying. I am glad that it’s the last day, but I know that the lack of structure will be hard. I was also challenged this morning by my eating disorder but feel I made the right choice by taking a shorter walk with the dogs and not running.
What do you need right now more than anything else?
I need to feel secure in my decision about going back to school soon. I also need my dogs to stop barking at the men doing work next door!
1. What connection did you make to a community member or cause?
I regularly connect to the animal rights community. I post on a blog committed to veganism and animal rights, and today I posted a piece regarding the treatment of animals raised in what we commonly believe are ‘humane’ ways. I also donated to PETA to renew my membership.
2. How did you make your decision about what to do?
I had attended a community event where a speaker presented on this topic, and I have many friends who are not involved in the veg community who could benefit from knowing more about the facts on this topic, so I decided to post on my blog about it. I also wanted to share her message with a broader audience. Regarding PETA: I always donate, and feel they do such important work, so it was a no-brainer to renew.
3. How did it make you feel?
I felt great about finishing my post, and was renewed when I published it. I hope people read it and feel moved or challenged by it. Regarding PETA, I felt positive about renewing my membership and supporting such a great organization.
These are great, Marissa, and I love that you are using your writing as part of your activism. Yes!
OK, let’s go:
– use more fresh herbs. I did this one immediately and enjoyed a fresh leaf of mint. Good that I did it, otherwise I would probably have waited too long to dare to use this brand new plant… On the day after I enjoyed a mint tea.
– begin to sew with a sewing machine.
– define appointments with myself throughout the year, note them in my calender, in order to be sure to re-centrate from time to time.
– expand my soul emergency box, with more physical inviting items (bath salts, tea, music,…) and add quotes, exercizes e.g. from Beautiful You. Open this box from time to time (note in calender!) even if I don’t feel the urge, only to remember the box and come to the idea to use it when needed.
– following the example of your Summer of Intentionality, launch my 4 seasons of intentionality, not a very big list, but some items I’d love to do/experience.
– get into Delight’s experiences and test new things with her. Some weeks ago, she wanted to try the taste of French fries dipped in orange juice. I was a bit horrified but I let her try – afterwards I regretted that I did not try by myself. There is so much I can learn from her, beginning with such positive curiosity.
– try something artistic that is new to me.
I made a birthday list last year. Since that time my life changed quite a lot, but I did not actualize… I forgot about almost all items! Some things I did, several I cannot do anymore and for a while. Lesson learned: keep the list in a place where I’ll see it regularly!
Oh, Cecile, we are such kindreds! I was just thinking that summer of intentionality needed to last longer and already had a fall list going in my little notebook! What fun! And I love the Soul Emergency box. I have a Happy Box that sounds very similar (but I like your name better!). And how good that you are going to start accepting Delight’s challenges. That’s awesome. What a great list!
1. What were your answers to the questions today?
What surprised you today?
How much I wanted to move. I have been getting more active, but today I craved a walk and yoga.
What challenged you today?
Being on top of my email and other “paperwork” kinds of management. Some days I just want to focus on my therapy practice, but I need the reminder that these other types of work support my ability to do that practice.
What do you need right now more than anything else?
Rest. With back-to-school, an injury to my partner, work, and a couple of birthday parties thrown in the last week, I am feeling tapped out.
2. What do those answers reveal to you?
That I am feeling a tension between lots of small tasks and my desire to keep a focus on my own health and well-being.
3. Can you see these questions being useful to you beyond today?
Oh yes–they were a fun self-study.
1)What surprised me today was how I felt when a rude man on a cellphone in noontime,Friday traffic cut me off and yelled at me “Pay Attention!” Usually I would have yelled right back.I didn’t,then as we ended up side by side on the Ave.I called out God bless,be safe.I stayed cool on a hot day,in traffic,when my usual action would have been at least as hot tempered and rude.
What surprised me today was the mail…I won one of the prizes here! I’ve never won anything in my life, and I was so excited!! I won Beautiful You, and am so excited to have a copy of my very own!
My challenge today was too many hours alone. I was off work, and my husband worked a long day shift; this means that I was home alone with my thoughts for almost 8 hours. Some of these days are better than others. I used to love alone time, and while I still enjoy it, I also enjoy spending time with my husband and my kids.
Right now, what I need more than anything else is sleep.
What surprised you today?
I was surprised that I actually got through the day. I was transferred to a different hospital yesterday afterrnoon which specializes in eating disorders..and I actually was able to get through each meal and do what I needed to do to ensure I move in the right direction. One meal I wasn’t able to finish and I supplemented it so that it still was adequate. I’m surprised that I haven’t “lost” it… I have coped… And I have got through Day 1!
What challenged you today?
I felt challenged today with the feelings of being. “punished”.. That There is a lack of nurturing support at the treatment place and that it all feels like punishment. I’ve had to really try hard at pushing through these thoughts and feelings.
What do you need right now more than anything else?
Rest and rejuvenation. My body is tired, in a state of shock and it needs to rest and continue to heal. It needs adequate nutrition and fluid so that it can begin to heal the damage and be able to move forwards in gaining back health and wellness.
Wow! These answers are like talking to my “inner self”. It’s almost as if you are able to bypass straight to what matters. The rambling thoughts aren’t able to get in the way..it’s straight pure honesty…from ones inner being.
I definitely am going to use this in the future – and am going to share this on my blog. Thank you Rosie for helping me find a technique that I know will help me continue to connect with my inner self.
What surprised me: I was able to maintain a relative feeling of detachment at work – not all day but more than most days.
What challenged me: Maintaining a relative feeling of detachment at work
What do i need right now: alone time.
Some guidance:
Do not take more than 30 seconds to write each answer.
These questions are a crucible for you. Answering the same questions several days in a row will reveal depth in your exploration.
Do not take them too seriously. The key is to delight yourself with your surprises and to increase your mindfulness and self-awareness.
Do not believe that your answers need to be the same everyday. They don’t. Whatever answer you receive is the answer you are meant to have for that day. Every day is different and your answers might be different, too.
1. What were your answers to the questions today?
– What surprised you today? A colleague of mine said she loves my photo blog, which was surprising because I didn’t think anybody ever looked at it.
– What challenged you today? Tidying my house. I am a messy person, but the mess upsets me, and makes me messier. Today, I tidied the whole lot.
– What do you need right now more than anything else? Some time for myself and a soak in the bath.
2. What do those answers reveal to you?
That I need to book some time in for me, and that I should make sure my house doesn’t get too messy, because it paralyses me, whereas I love my home when it’s tidy.
3. Can you see these questions being useful to you beyond today?
Yes. I just downloaded an app to help me with the mess issues in my house, so I will take care of that.
Oh sorry, I pasted too much of the original post…
I’ll have to take a rain check on this one, I am preparing a load of lessons, and I’m afraid I need media for it. But I promise to do this someday soon – it sounds like something I could really enjoy, at least, after the twitching ends…
Oops.. I missed so many “shine days” (spending time in Nice, French Riviera with my sons). So…
1- What surprised you today?
The wind. Very strong this afternoon, and so refreshing after 3 weeks of heat!
2- What challenged you today?
To plan my next week (Back to school!!)
3- What do you need right now more than anything else ?
A hug from my son 😉
I do this to a point, on a daily basis, but I can’t legally say I completely do a media fast…I’m in my college finals, and my college is online, so alas…I must be on my computer. I will say, though, that on a normal basis, when there is no school, I regularly fast from the media..no tv…no music…no computer, and I don’t really mind. Several years ago, when I got a divorce, I lived by myself for almost a year, and had no media…none. I did finally get a radio, but even that was limited.
The biggest influence media has on me is making me feel inadequate. I feel the need to look like so and so…or do my hair like so and so…or look younger…and I don’t need any more self-loathing in my life. Overall, I really don’t miss media much; music is the one thing I do let back in.
O.k. This worked for me for a little while. I am not a big TV person – was not raised w/a TV around and did not own a TV for many years as an adult. However, my husband is a TV addict. And although we do not own an actual television set, sadly there are plenty of shows, movies and sporting events that can be found on the internet. Our space is very small and there is no way to get away from the noise of the television (for some reason he just won’t wear headphones). This was a source of contention for many years until i simply gave in to the nonsense.
As far as print media – pretty easy to stay away from ….. didn’t really have time to read.
The computer was easy to relinquish only b/c i spent the majority of the day in a yoga workshop then took the dog for a looong walk.
Music was of course a part of the workshop so that could not be avoided. I have found that music has the least negative effect on me & usually helps me to feel uplifted and sometimes even empowered.
I think that the biggest issue w/media and me is that i waste so much time on the computer or zoning out w/hubby watching stupid TV shows. & unfortunately, my computer time isn’t always productive – a lot of game playing and facebook lurking.
So maybe i can at least try to be a bit more productive when on the computer or simply walk the dog a bit longer everyday.
I did this earlier this year. It was a real eye opener for me and I’ve slipped back into some not so great habits. One thing I want to do is WAIT on the media. I check email right away when I wake up and there really is no need to check it so quickly!!!! It’d be great if I could get myself to check email only once or twice a day. Maybe I need to do this media fast yet again and see what else I might learn….
I did (with these exact questions) for several months last year….then I took a break from it.
1. what surprised me today was some “extra” quiet time that I was able to spend just reading!
2. what challenged me today was waking up tired….I hate that feeling 🙁
3. what I need right now more than anything is some down time where I rest in some form (maybe a nap, maybe not) so I can shake the tired feeling!
1. What were your answers to the questions today?
They were specific to events that occurred, relating to shame on my part and stress about money.
2. What do those answers reveal to you?
That I have some work to do, both on why I feel shame and how to react to it in a more constructive manner, and in the financial management department.
3. Can you see these questions being useful to you beyond today?
Absolutely!
Love your enthusiasm for singing and all these great songs!
Great effort on the water, ladies!
This is often how my Saturdays are spent, but I must admit that I had a really hard time giving up my NPR–especially the broadcast of “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” I find that on the days when I am away from the radio or the computer (less the TV, since it’s not often on), I do get a lot more done.
I am reading this at 9:00 at night, so I may have to do the exercise tomorrow. I did look back through some pictures from vacation, and I noticed that I tend to take pictures of those moments that delight me–a stream peeking through, flowers in bloom, my kids smiling. I recognize that being able to extend that delight to myself would be a paradigm shift!
1. What did you take photos of and what did you notice in your photos?
I had a lot of work to do today, so I couldn’t go out and take pictures. Instead, I spent some time looking at the photo’s I’ve take for my Project 365 blog. I take a lot of pictures of food, especially food that I have cooked.
2. How can you translate this exercise into appreciation for yourself?
I already knew this, but it’s nice to see pictorial evidence: I am a kick-ass cook. And I also think I’m pretty good at taking pictures!
No problem for TV and music – with a 3yo we are used to not being able to listen to any program anyway, and we want her to avoid TV junk. My current temptations: internet and catalogs (mostly craft and kids fashion). None of them give me a bad feeling about my body. I don’t even buy things. But they are:
– a vicious circle: I want to make all these wonderful crafts, I have so much new ideas, …. but because of the time spent looking for things, I don’t have time to make them happen. Being passive generates frustration, whereas action would reinforce my self-confidence and self-wellbeing.
– an escape from reality. The less energy I have, the more time I would spend “off reality”. These are no real breaks though, not regenerating at all.
As I got a new catalog in my mail box, I almost forgot my decision to diet…. just before opening it, I remembered and had to laugh – such an implemented habit, a reflex! An addiction?…
Otherwise the diet went quite good. Each time I would make a break, I had to struggle for some seconds what I could do instead of internet/catalog reading. I spent some minutes crafting (yeah!) and most of the breaks simply laying and consciously doing nothing but be. Wow! That was a real, powerful break! And I guess it did not last longer that it needed to – where I might have spend much more (too much) time with internet/catalogs.
I have already tried to manage my consumption, but I did not achieve long-lasting results. My rules for myself are either too severe, or too lax. I guess it is like a food diet: yoyo-effect, too much expectations on oneself, and impossible to remain motivated while having a chocolate bar laying there. It is probably all about a good daily balance, in order to last.
Maybe I could pack the catalogs (even the new ones…sob…) in a box, instead of having them laying around – one less temptation. Internet is more complicated to manage.
I’d love to hear how you or other people have handled concretely with this kind of self-regulation? Any step-by-step diet recipe available? It could be the inspiration I need to find my way. Thanks for your great challenges!
Hey Ceclie! Awesome effort and great question about how other people handle media input. For me, it’s less about how the messages/ images influence me and more about how they suck me and make me, sometimes, less productive than I want to be- which you noted, too. Here are different aspects of my approach: most of my weekends are media-less– as much as I can possibly manage. When I get catalogs, they go on my bedside table and I check them out before bed. When I get magazines, they go on a shelf and I grab a stack to look thru when we’re on a longer road trip. If something catches my eye in catalogs or magazines, I yank it out rather than hold onto the whole magazine- and I have a little file system for the stuff that catches my eye. During the day, I usually allow myself to check out the fun stuff on the internet right before I get started on my workday and then decide at what point and for long I can revisit those sites during the day. Just being deliberate has made a world of difference for me. Hope that helps you think about what works for you!
We go meatless around every second day. We just need it to feel good (probably also a digestive effect), and we much more appreciate the meals with meat when they are not daily.
Today I’ll have (menus planed): apples, both raw and cooked, prunes, sweet pepper, and a big soup with oignons, carots, potatoes, tomatoes, leaf beets, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini … don’t remember all what we harvested for this soup… No new veggie/fruit, but everything seasonal. We’ll also have bread with diverse cereals and nuts, yeast dough and almonds (backed wih the prunes), cheese/yoghurts, pasta, rice. We regularly cook with beans too.
I was surprised by the “9 servings of fruits and veggies”. Here in Europe, at least France and Germany, we hear about “5 portions” – a portion is about a handful, just use your open hand like a very big spoon and fill it as much as you can. As far as I know, the 5 portions don’t include anything starchy, means potatoes or beans.
I’m curious: How are the 9 servings defined?
Cecile, yummy things are planned for your plate! Here in the US, the dietary guidelines recommend that half of all the food we eat at each meal be fruits or veggies. A serving is typically, depending on what it is, about 1/2 cup and a portion would likely end up being about the same size recommended in France, Germany. I think, in fact, 9 servings was the old recommendation and now they just say half your plate at every meal as that is an easier visual for everyone. Here is a link to our food chart: http://www.choosemyplate.gov/index.html
Wow, this is a really great link! I’ve just found information I was looking for, about seafood during pregnancy. Thank you very much!
Yes, the half of one’s plate filled with fruits/veggies is also an image used here. I also loved the menu propositions of your link. Some new ideas for me on how to cook healthy!
Sometimes I think I am so close to vegetarian already. I don’t miss meat if I don’t eat it and it is close to the last thing I will eat on my plate (I’ll eat the salad or the sides first). That said, I don’t eat all whole foods and can even get skimpy on the fruits and veggies. When I try to have fruits/veggies at every meal, I feel like I am taking better care of myself. 9 servings seems daunting! At any rate, I do think I’ll be more purposeful with the meatless days, as well as add more fruits/veggies.
Jamie, 9 servings is about 4.5 cups when it comes down to it– that feels a little less daunting when you think about big ole sales you might fix loaded with some veggies. Good luck!
1. How did going meatless go? What food choices did you make? What fruits and veggies showed up in your diet?
I didn’t to it today – I had a meatless day yesterday. I aim to have one or two meatless days a week, and to eat fish once too. Yesterday I made a mushroom ragout, with blue cheese, in the evening, and I had a salad for lunch, and yoghurt with goji berries for breakfast.
2. How did it feel to go meatless? How did your food choices today make you feel?
I love it. I do it for dietary and environmental reasons, and it feels good.
3. Could you see yourself going meatless periodically on a regular basis as part of your self-care? Would it work for you in a positive way?
Yes, I already have, and it works well for me. I feel healthier and lighter. I can’t go meatless more often, because mr S likes his meat. And I do too, but one or two days a week feels pretty good, and I feel much less bloated after eating.
Oh that Mushroom ragout sounds amazing, Susannah. I am just wild about mushrooms (and yogurt loaded with berries is another favorite!).
I actually take photos of an odd theme, I guess. I take pictures of funny things I see (funny to me anyway) and share them with my kids. Never at the expense of others, but usually signs, or odd moments in nature, etc. So my theme, I guess is more “amusing photos”. I love looking at pictures and trying to find things I haven’t previously seen before in these pictures. Little things.
The takeaway for me is that I need to keep looking at myself…and seeing me over and over until I see the little things I like about myself, the little things that make me who I am, that make me unique. I need to learn to appreciate those little things, and then start appreciating bigger things, too.
I have never been a big meat eater and over the past few years the amount of meat I eat has dwindled to maybe twice a week. It just isn’t appetizing to me. So, going meatless isn’t hard for me. Often I have cereal or ciabatta toast for breakfast with fruit or hot chocolate made from real milk, lunch is usually a ginormous salad with some cheese and lots of veggies, and supper is usually rice or potatoes, some cheese, and right now, lots of garden tomatoes. I eat grilled cheese sandwiches also for supper sometimes.
My food choices today are like most other days…far from perfect, but a work in progress. I know I could make it a goal to eat more fruits and veggies, and to aim toward a little less sugar in my diet because I feel better when I do this.
Going meatless is easy for me, but I do still have to cook meat based dishes for my husband. In the winter it is especially easy, because I make a big pot of soup and just have that for my lunch every day until it is gone. Then I make another one! I love soup full of veggies.
I am with you on soup, Valerie. I could eat a bowl everyday. You’ll have to share some of your favorite recipes!
I made this exercize 2 years ago, or let’s say this inner job, because it was tough to identify my judgement about myself that just wasn’t MINE, but as you say, a projection of the issues of other people.
It was about (it SEEMED to be about) how I should be as a mother, what I was doing wrong. Due to Delight’s surgery and the hard time after it, we got all the more advices from well-intented people that just did not understand why we would follow our own way and not their better one. I had a very hard time to find my place as a mother, to believe in myself. As I realized it had nothing to do with me, it felt like a liberation, I was able to breathe again, to have faith in myself, and finally find my place.
Any advice for me as a mother beginning with “You SHOULD…” (expressed through words or through body language, tone) is to be classified as “not about me”. I can hear at the advice however, and judge by myself if it is something that can be useful or not. But I definitely won’t feel bad anymore because of such advices.
Such a powerful reflection, Cecile. Love your rule about You SHOULD advice. YES!
My pictures were mostly about the way light reflects or plays with objects. I especially like the changing and colourful shine of white sugar crystals – yes, I said colourful! The first time I noticed, I was astonished that “white” sugar crystals are, in fact, so colourful, depending of the light, the colour of their direct environment or container… It is pure enjoyment to admire it! Like thousands of little diamonds.
Concerning 2. How can you translate this exercise into appreciation for yourself?
… good question… maybe I am / my soul is also more colourful that I think? Or maybe the wide range of my characteristics are as many colourful aspects of the same diamond – wow, I love this thought! OK, I’ve found my self-esteem booster!
I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years. Well, I guess i cannot still call myself a complete vegetarian anymore. Bad dietary habits made me protein deficient, pre-diabetic and kind of chunky. I had become more of a carb-o-tarian. Now i incorporate seafood into my diet for protein & really work on maintaining a healthy balanced diet….. most days.
But i feel the best on days when i am able to get the brunt of my nutrients from fruits, vegetables and whole grains. This past winter my hubby and i fell in love w/kale. It is now a staple in our house and has replaced lettuce in our salads.
By not eating, or limiting animal products, i feel that i am making a positive choice for both myself and the planet.
Really thoughtful reflection, Jenn. And I am with you on Kale. I posted a Kale, avocado, peppers recipe on the blog a couple months ago if you want to search for it (just enter Kale in the search).
Listening to Oprah’s Lifeclass on satellite radio- she was interviewing Depok Chopra. He said, “it’s not you business what someone else thinks of you”! I love that idea! Simple but not easy!!
Oh, I love it! Yes!
This is a hard one for me because a lot of what I have criticism-wise for me I think comes from my own head. I know I fight thoughts about how I’d be better and look better if I weighed less, wasn’t as curvy. I don’t have any clear memories coming to mind from people where those messages come from. What I do know….back in my dieting days….I would get SO MANY compliments when I had lost weight.
I try to only think happy thoughts about others, which can sometimes be hard….and I kick myself when I make judgments. And similarly, I don’t compliment folks on their weight. If I like their hair or their outfit, sure…. But if they’ve lost weight, I don’t say a word (and that can be hard in this culture as that can be a hot topic). I did tell a friend of mine the other day that was sharing on Facebook how much weight he’d lost and how proud of himself he was….that I thought he was beautiful no matter what size and that weight is just weight….there are plenty of others things to be proud of. I am hoping that is a step in the right direction.
Oh Jamie, I absolutely LOVE the compliment you did to your friend! I think there’s no better compliment to be done! It’s so admirable that you are aware enough to tell it to him! Thank you so much for sharing, you’re a great inspiration!
I am totally with you on the weight comments, Jamie. And I love how you reached out and supported your friend. Bravo!
Today’s topic has been rolling around in my head all day and just won’t leave my mind. It’s hard to remember what people may have said about me because I so quickly turned it into a personal flaw that must be perfected. I feel ashamed to admit this, but I think I try so hard to be perfect that it makes me judgmental of myself. When that fails, I find it too easy to fall into the bad trap of gossiping with friends. It’s painful to unlock the memories of what may have been said about me. But for sure, I will pay closer attention to why I judge others and what issues that speaks of about myself and my insecurities. Rosie, thank you so much for sparking this important realization.
Thank you, Emily, for sharing your experience with such honesty. Wishing you all the best on your journey!
1. What does it feel like to consider that these comments you have heard are never about you? Can you see how that might be true in your situation?
It’s frightening to question things you’ve believed about yourself for the better part of your life. It’s… refreshing, liberating, freeing to even consider that all of these things I’ve shackled myself with for all these years might not be true/about me.
2. What is one comment that you are no longer going to take as true about you and instead understand it to be a reflection of the person who said it?
I’m letting go of the needing to get 100% all the time. (I worked through a few on my blog today, but I’d like to sit down and do this a little more in depth. Some day. When I’m feeling more brave. 😉 )
Freedom is such an exciting beginning, Chibi. Run with it!
1. What does it feel like to consider that these comments you have heard are never about you? Can you see how that might be true in your situation?
Yes, very much so. I tend to get quite nervous and angry when I’m in a situation where people feel they can make all kinds of comments about me, mainly because I feel I should take all their comments into account, and it’s frustrating if their comments are in contradiction with each other. I also have the habit of behaving the way people think I’m going to behave, even if I don’t want to, and I use their comments as guides for that.
If I could see the comments as ‘just comments’ and about them, then I could probably care a lot less, which could be very liberating!
2. What is one comment that you are no longer going to take as true about you and instead understand it to be a reflection of the person who said it?
Some people think I’m hard. And I’m not. I think, to be honest, they’re probably a bit scared of me, but then that really is about them.
What a powerful observation, Susannah. You are most certainly not hard but I think you are clear and clarity– I’ve been here, too- can be very scary to people who like to live in the in-between of everything. Not about you, though.
Rosie, I had a good laugh at your examples, they are great!
My boundaries sound like “Thanks for the advice, but I prefer to do it that way”, and the one that I didn’t have to tell so far, but is always in my mind: “That’s OK if you don’t understand”. This little sentence from Beautiful You was a real eye opener to me! Just keeping it in mind gives myself enough self-confidence to dare and set boundaries.
It’s the occasion to thank you for it: To me, just these few words make Beautiful You more than worth the book’s weight in Gold! And there’s so much more in your book! Thanks again!
yes i can see that these comments might not be about me but it is hard to think that way in the moment. In that moment it is embarrasing and makes me sad. I will try to quickly put that thought in my head maybe turn it around in my head “your hair looks bad today” into “she doesn’e like her own hair” I am no longer going to worry about that friend that things my butt is big.
Yes, turning it around is a great first step, Faith, in letting those judgments go.
What thoughtful reflections. I am so glad that these little questions produced big results for each of you! Keep it up!
Loved hearing y’all’s general observations about media in your life. It can be such a valuable tool but it doesn’t come without its challenges. I think developing mindfulness about it and a few guidelines for yourself can really alleviate a lot of those challenges, though.
Oh, I loved what you all take pictures of– funny moments out in the world, food, the sugar crystals (love the colorful observation, Cecile) and objects or moments of delight. I hope this practice helps you realize your own powerful uniqueness and delightfulness!
What surprised me today?
My ability to completely misinterpret my husband’s quiet, tired mood as him somehow being disappointed in me; when logically I know it’s wrong of me to feel so much shame regarding other people’s moods. My tummy growled the other night and I punched myself really hard in the stomach because I was scared the growling noise would wake him up.
What challenged me today?
Reading articles about self-compassion and loving kindness towards myself…no one in my life disparages me or tries to make me feel inferior…I somehow do it to myself and I’m trying to figure out why. What on earth do I have to prove?
What do I need right now more than anything else?
An entire hour without some self-hating thought creeping in…peaceful haven far from my strange self loathing.
1. What is your favorite boundary setting language?
I ask questions. ‘Why are you asking me this?’ ‘Is it OK with you if I don’t follow your advice? You see, I am quite happy to do it this way.’ Things like that.
2. How did it feel to consider setting boundaries with others?
Great, I have been doing it a lot more than before, but it does need some more work. I tend to be alright in the conversation, and then I’m upset afterwards, even though I do set boundaries.
3. What more do you need to be prepared to teach people how to treat you?
I think I probably need to care less about what people think about some things.
I have never been comfortable standing up for myself and setting boundaries. I have had this problem since I was a little girl; and even now, in my fifties, I don’t have this skill. This post, however, has helped me realize it is okay, finally, to learn the process of setting boundaries and then not caring so much what others think. For me this is the hard part…I care so much about what others think.
I have little tolerance for myself, for mistakes made by me, and expect perfection from me. Why? I don’t expect it from anyone else, and I accept others just as they are. Why can’t I extend that courtesy to myself?
I’m still trying to come up with a working definition of what self-acceptance is. This month has been the beginning of deeply needed work, but it has only scratched the surface; there is much more to do.
I am working on keeping a beautiful me journal, with thoughts and ideas I learn here and at other places that encourage self-acceptance. I am also using it to write down three things every day I like about myself. I don’t always believe all of them by the next day, but again, it is a start.
Three goals for September:
Graduate from college.
Begin work in more depth on my beautiful me journal and my journey to self-acceptance.
Incorporate more movement into each of my days.
These goals are inspired by the fact that I am learning to treat myself as a human being worthy of being taken care of by me.
Meeting goals is usually easy for me…just the act of setting them is reason enough to complete them; it is like a personal challenge that I will not fail at!
My greatest learning in the shine journey is that I am not the only one who struggles with self acceptance, but that each of us has to find out for ourselves what works best in our lives. And I’m learning, slowly, that the journey is the important part; arriving means I’m done…and I don’t ever want to be done improving.
My 3 goals for September:
1. go to a meditation weekend retreat
2. journal 3 gratitudes daily
3. get a massage
I’ll post these on the fridge (replacing my summer goals list, since it is coming to an end) so I can check them off when I do them!
I’m also a fan of Mara’s!
1. Self-acceptance for me is an ongoing journey. I look for the balance between celebrating what I love about myself and continuing to challenge myself to grow and improve. For a long time, I confused self-acceptance with complacency and I struggled with it.
2. As I said in the first part of my answer, for me self-acceptance is a balance of enjoying myself and challenging myself to grow.
3. My body is still my toughest area of self-acceptance. However, I am working on this by trying to keep my focus on increasing strength and comfort in my body.
I try to use the “agree to disagree” fallback for boundary setting. I have to practice boundaries all the time at work (therapy hazard), and I think that sometimes it is harder with family. For example, with family members who are passionately different than me around politics, I work to disengage.
I wrote a blog post called “Your Opinion of Me is None of My Business.” It is so freeing to recognize that many of the shoulds and oughts that we carry were originally thrust on us by others, so we can let them go.
I often eat close to meatless–I have a quinoa black bean salad that is a staple for me. I can load it up with all kinds of veggies, garnish my bowl with fresh avocado, and get a balance protein at the same time. It feels lovely.
1. What did you realize about self-acceptance today and this month?
It’s much less about my body than I thought when we started; I thought it would be about learning to love my body, and then maybe loving the rest. I have realised now that my body isn’t really the issue, if I accept the whole package, which is only my body for a very small part, then the small parts will come automatically with that.
2. What is your definition of self-acceptance?
Appreciation of what I am and what I can do.
3. How can you live with more self-acceptance in your life?
If I read the things I wrote down today when I’m feeling low, that should help. I enjoyed the three questions exercise and I have decided to focus on doing things I am good at, that show me as I am, and showcase what I am good at, as opposed to trying to do things I know are not really what I want to be doing and where my talents lie.
1. What are your three goals for September? What inspired these goals?
– get the app ready to go live in the app-store
– do the catering job I have on the 15th well
– get my lessons started up and ensure there is a good working attitude in my classes
My goals are all inspired by necessity and deadlines, but that’s ok. I think I’ll have an extra goal: get a facial, just for a treat.
2. How will you insure that you can meet your goals?
The deadlines on the first two should help, but I have the ‘Rosie Molinary’-planning system, which is making a lot possible at the moment. The third I will do by being clear to my pupils about what I expect from them, and having clear lesson plans, which I will be making this weekend.
3. What was your greatest learning from the shine journey?
That if I sit down at the beginning and the end of the day and think about self-acceptance and do the ‘exercises’, then I am already half way there. So thank you, Rosie, and guest writers! Enjoy your weekend off.
Wow, pretty good exercize to bundle all the knowledge of Shine for myself!
Self-acceptance has nothing to do with “how” I am, it is all in my attitude toward myself. It’s a never-ending process, as we get challenged again and again by life – that’s good so, that’s the way we grow!
After Shine, if I try to make a road-map it could be like that:
#1 Awareness: when I can step from “I feel that I am wrong” to “That’s something wrong with the fact that I feel wrong”.
#2 Analyse: Why do I have this feeling? Which part of it is mine? which part influenced by my environment? When do I feel truly, deeply good, and when not?
#3 Dare and stop: set boundaries, as well towards others as towards myself as my most severe judge. Allow myself to free me from my inner critic.
#4 Dare and search for my inner fire: try new things, even weird ones, especially when I think “I shouldn’t because I’m not good enough, not worth enough”. Just try, allow myself to fail, and DON’T AIM FOR PERFECTION. Just do it for the fun of it. Which ones make me feel free, feel great? Are they lightening a little flame, a fire in me?
#5 My inner fire: That’s who I truly am. That’s what I want to cherish. It makes me feel good, it empowers my self-confidence. And I become all the more self-confident in other areas of my life too, so I become all the more “myself”. And I see and feel that the situation is OK this way. No fear. I’m free. That’s where I find my self-acceptance.
That’s a tool I love! 36 little steps that can be done each year. Each success is empowering. Each failure an opportunity to analyse and go ahead.
OK, I take the opportunity to report also on my August’s goals:
– follow my basic wellness prescription in order to build proper habits.
Partially done. I should work on the DAILY aspect of it.
– daily 15 min of paper organisation.
Not done at all… Sure, I did not have enough power to do all I wanted to, but honestly, this paper organisation is not my favorite one so it became the “last priority”.
– re-arrange my craft supplies in the basement.
Not completely finished but on a good way. Within one week I’ll be done.
September’s goals:
– Daily 15 min of paper organisation! what else… 😉
– Complete the few Shine exercizes I missed so far.
– Daily apply my basic wellness prescription. I really want it to become a habit.
Yes, I’m not aiming too high or new, I’m just persistent here, and that’s what I need to achieve these goals, and go further next month.
I totally loved the quality and variety of the impulses of Shine – as well from post writers as the experience of participants. Day 15 was probably the biggest learning/insight to me, and all the other posts enabled me to go deeper. For instance, I wouldn’t have been able to define my self-acceptance process (Day 30) so clearly without Shine.
I am sure that I could take this journey again in one year or more, and realize that there is another aspect of my self-acceptance I could work on. A great toolbox! Thanks a lot for all the work you did!
What have I learned from Shine? How much I have to learn!!! I think I need to run it all over again! So many wonderful ideas to think over and try to incorporate into my daily routine! Thanks to Rosie and all her guests!
Goal 1. I am running a 5k on Sept 29. I’ve run a few 5ks before (not many), but I want to finish this one feeling strong, and ready to move on to longer distances. I have an itch to run a half Marathon, but still have plenty of doubt. I want to finish this race feeling like I could keep going.
Goal 2. Get back to church. Summer travels and laziness have taken hold, and we are out of the habit. My soul needs to go back and hear the music and spill out in prayer.
Goal 3. Pay attention to what I am eating. Nuff said.
Self acceptance to me is the ability to forgive myself for the past, be at peace with the present, and be hopeful for the future. Living my life with more self acceptance is tough because I don’t have a lot of time to dwell on it. That should probably tell me something– maybe to live with more self acceptance I need to allow myself to take time and energy for introspection.
1. What is your favorite boundary setting language?
Being firm and clear while being calm and loving.
2. How did it feel to consider setting boundaries with others?
Scary! When you’re a people pleaser, doing the exact opposite is frightening – what if I alienate people? What if they hate me? What if they never speak to me again? There was also a lot of self-doubt involved for me in my ability to actually create – and maintain – boundaries.
3. What more do you need to be prepared to teach people how to treat you?
Self-confidence and self-assurance to believe that I deserve to be treated better.
1. What did you realize about self-acceptance today and this month?
Self-acceptance starts with treating myself the way I *deserve* to be treated – with love and respect. Self-care also seems to play a large role in self-acceptance to me.
2. What is your definition of self-acceptance?
Being okay with who I am, because who I am is pretty damned amazing.
3. How can you live with more self-acceptance in your life?
By doing my best to show myself loving kindness at every opportunity.
My goals are to be physically active 3 times a week, to not allow myself to bully myself into doing too much, and to continue the work I’ve done here.
Thank you so, so much for doing this for us, Rosie. You rock. <3
Thank you for such a wonderful month! I am honored to have been a part of it!
5/9/2012
What surprised you today?
An email surprised me,an email i never expected,although i had envisaged and hoped for it. Quite funny how surprises truly are such, because you really do not expect them to come even when you many want them too,the element of surprise reveals an inner doubt.<<< note to self.
I love surprises,today.
What challenged you today?
A process of thought,a few hours wasted piling idea upon idea,swishing them and mushing them, not far from abandoning them.That was until i realized my answer for the next question.
What do you need right now more than anything else?
One word,oh its a little blurred.Sleep.sheep,sheep,SleeP.
Great idea to incorporate weekly “Shine-y” parts into your blog! Your blog was already great, but it will get even more exciting! Looking forward for it! Thanks a lot!
Wow! So honored to be featured here Rosie and excited to do these workshops! If you are reading this and are local (or not for that matter), sign up! We can’t wait to have you!
Oh Rosie, such a great idea! Love it! Thanks for today’s Happy Sheet!
First of all, I learned that I am even more perfectionist than I thought! Wow, this exercize is so good to fight against perfectionism….
– The circle doesn’t have to be perfect, nor the graduation nor my rating of fulfillment, nor… (It is so obvious, but somehow it is soooo hard!)
– About the level of fulfillment: good that you explained, because I would have jumped into the 100%-fulfillment-target for all areas…. Kind of difficult to accept that I am not SuperWoman!… You’re totally right: 100% everywhere would mean that each single task we accomplish would bring the same amount of fulfillment in every of these 6 areas – which is definitely not the case, and would not even be to SuperWoman. Great revelation!
My goals:
– Take at least some minutes to connect daily with God.
– Follow my basic wellness prescription and collect at least 70 points in one week. I can earn up to 15 points daily, and I have to admit, last week (as I began to track my results) I reached no more than 6-7 points daily.
This exercize is definitely good to raise my self-awareness. As I realized last week with the wellness prescription, if I have no written goal and don’t track my results, I just cannot make real progress.
I love your list. I use some of these regularly. And you know I am an advocate for calling the doctor. I quietly suffered from severe anxiety for years, way longer than I should have. When I finally spoke up, I finally got the help I needed in the form of a mild anti anxiety medication that was extremely inexpensive and did not leave me feeling “medicated.” I run, and I always said that whatever was bothering me couldn’t catch me while I was running. But it was always there when I got back. Yoga was wonderful as well, and I love a good deep breath! Another one is a bath or shower. Also, sometimes when I am feeling anxious I clean. It’s productive and keeps your mind occupied.
Great list! I love this princip of sharing with each others, there are so much great ideas to learn from!
– Move pieces of furniture: it doesn’t have to be the whole house, but sometimes moving a shelf or the coffee table in another position helps me to both release on stress through move, and visualize things another way – as if, looking at a new furniture arrangement, I would also look at my thoughts re-arranged in my head.
– Hear at my self-confidence booster message on my cell phone. I took the idea from Jonathan Roche, this post:
http://www.bigtent.com/group/news/entry/52126273
My version: I told myself on the mailbox why I have worth, why I am pretty good as I am, with examples of diverse situations I have successfully managed, exactly the way I would speak to my daughter – lovingly, patiently, and firmly believing what I am saying. Hearing this message boosts my self-confidence, and this helps against anxiety.
tasting :: squash too! It’s one of fall’s elements I love (in fact I love quite everything about fall!). Yesterday we had a “gorgonzola squash” soup with salmon. It’s the first time we taste this kind of squash, it was delicious, close to the taste of sweet potatoes.
hearing :: “Danke für diesen guten Morgen” (Thank you for this good morning) – hearing and singing loud! as Delight learns it at the Kindergarten. There’s a version I love that gives me so much energy. Talk about the power of music….
smelling :: chocolate chips we prepared as birthday gift for Delight’s godfather. Such a delightful smell everywhere in the house!
seeing :: decorative squash, still in the entrance, waiting to be displayed as decoration. Already a decoration by itself. I just love these bright and warm colors!
feeling :: finally fit again. After 2 bad nights, I scaled down my expectations on my household and I focused on rest. It was a good choice.
wishing/hoping :: for some moments of me-time despite of our very full planing this week-end. I will only find them if I create them. So I hope to be able to set boundaries when I need it.
hooray for reflection!
i love these posts because they have become a way for me to keep a loose journal as well as slow down and savor the details of my life.
so happy you’ve joined the party. <3
Go! Rest!
With blessings!
Thanks so much for sharing this, Rosie! When you were in your early twenties, teaching full time and giving your all to everything, did you still manage to journal? I’m having a hard time balancing working, exercising, eating right, seeing friends, seeing family, and managing it all. When I want to write, words disappear. When I need to write, I have no time. I greatly respect your opinion and would appreciate any thoughts you might offer!
Emily, great question. I think journaling was the most profound thing that I did in my mid-twenties, especially my first year of teaching, but I did it a little differently than I did in my teens. I created a “me” notebook that captured things that were really insightful to me and my own insights (you know what, I’ll make this Monday’s Weekly Spark). It gave me breathing room to process and reflect as I need to without feeling absolutely overwhelmed by a blank page. That said, given where you are right now, it might be helpful to use a recording device to talk into when you are driving (or, if you have a smart phone, use the voice recorder there). That way you can capture the thought. I actively use my notes feature on my smartphone now and I also carry a small little notebook in my bag that I can jot thoughts into when they spiral up because, you are right, the words can often come on their own time. You also might think about how to make your exercise routine part of your rumination process, too. For example, can you make one workout your week your double duty workout where you aren’t just focused on moving your body but also focused on moving your mind forward? Maybe you take 2-3 questions with you to ponder while you are exercising. Just a thought. Also, you might make your time with your friends a periodic reflection experience. Maybe once a month, you all bring question of something you are pondering for the group to discuss, flesh out with you. Finally, you might just start journaling with a really simple daily prompt that you answer in just a few sentences each night right before bed. For next week’s list, I’ll do a list of journal prompts to use at any time. Hope this gets you started and that next week’s spark and list posts help, too! Wishing you all the best on your journey.
Writing in my journal has been my favoured source of processing for years and has now been transposed into my blog. The benefit of the blog for me is from the comments I receive. Be they shared experiences, words of support or the posing of an alternative view, they make me reflect. My internal monologue becomes a valuable dialogue.
However, I am only able to journal and process when I’m in the reflective mindset. When I’m spinning out of control I just can’t get a handle on the rational. I’m not able to reason with myself and so resort to unhealthy and destructive behaviours and habits. I always regret the behaviour afterwards, when I’m calm but in the build up and during the peaks of confusion and torment I can’t get a handle on myself.
Hearing, seeing, feeling: Delight’s birthday party with 3 girlfriends. Delight’s surprise as she discovered that we organized her play dishes and furniture for them to have tea time with sweets. Girls eating so delicately these sweets as if they were in a high-society restaurant. Girls playing and laughing. Delight’s happpiness. My happiness.
Tasting: Pasta with fresh tomatoes, eggplant, porcini, and a lot of fresh herbs.
Smelling: The smell of forest from the treasures that Delight “harvested”.
Wishing/hoping: for my brother to come sane and safe from a trip on the Kilimanjaro, as his plane back was cancelled. Everything went well, adventurous but well…
Rosie, I’m definitively in!
On my (own + family) Frolic Fall list:
– renew Delight’s bedroom decoration (e.g. some painting on the wall).
– harvest fall’s items (pine cones, chestnuts, leaves,…) and decorate our home with them.
– paint some of the harvested stones.
– cook pumpkin in a sweet version – I’ve never tasted, nor cooked/baked anything sweet with pumpkins so far.
– bake cookies with seasonal ingredients.
– make rain puddles turn rainbow-coloured.
– jump into rain puddles.
– make soap bubbles by rainy weather (maybe under an umbrella…) and see what happens.
– make melted-crayons art for our entrance.
– trink a hot chocolate outside on the evening and enjoy fall’s nights.
– fly a kite.
– in the second half of fall, begin with crafts for Christmas.
– last but not least… prepare winter’s list of intentionality!
What a great idea! This would totally work for me! Until now, I collected articles and inspirating things but I didn’t have a real place to keep them – so I just don’t read/see them very often, and they don’t touch me as often as they could.
Amongst my current treasures: articles about happiness and awareness, a lot of great quotes, post cards and letters with deep thoughts from dear ones, pictures of fantastic works of art, poetry – mostly addressing my 5 senses, a description of the smell of the forest for example.
Amongst the quotes I love:
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama XIV
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” (I don’t know the author)
Life has a little bit slowed down, so here I am for an update!
Shine, Day 15: Blam. here it is. So my deepest emotion was NOT a lack of respect, but a lack of love in disguise. OK, now that it has emerged, it is much easier to deal with it.
#1 I know that “testing Mom’s limits” has nothing to do with “not loving her”. I love my daughter, I deeply know she loves me too.
#2 This “wanna-be-everybody’s-darling” is an issue for itself – being able to name it is already solving half of it => Thanks for your idea to really make this picture and destroy it! Yes, I’ll do it!
#3 Of course, I just couldn’t be resilient about a lack of respect as it was not the topic…. Now that my need is identified, my soul is not screaming at me anymore. And I am able to act in an appropriate way with my daughter.
Thank you so much for all you do! These “missing pieces of a puzzle” that you are giving are just so helpful!
Oh, thanks so much for the update, Cecile. I love hearing that you found the piece of information you needed to move yourself forward! And thank you for so earnestly sharing and bringing me back to this post which I needed to reread! xo
wild geese makes me cry every time. it is one that yoga teachers always return to and i’ve never used it in class because i’m afraid i won’t be able to read it without crying.
i LOVE don’t expect applause by ellen bass. i’m also a fan of billy collins.
Love this idea and have made my list.
I have gone for a mix of things, some of which I have to do and other I just want to do for fun. I hope the fun things will inspire me to do things I’ve been procrastinating on 🙂
Rosie,
Thank you for posting such brilliant ideas! The way you articulate thoughts to consider and the possibilities to explore really get me thinking about things that I wouldn’t think of otherwise. I have really enjoyed this week’s postings. Your blog is a must read! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and ideas with the world. They truly are appreciated.
tasting : Marshmallow “resurrection rolls”. Love cinnamon!
hearing : some moments of silence, so good after last weeks full of action and noise.
smelling : thyme! we have lots in our garden and Delight is allowed to use some for her sand cakes – and so she does…. Such a great smell.
seeing : the gorgeous fall center piece we made with Delight – decorative pumpkins and pines around a candle on a plate – et voilà!
feeling : a very active baby! especially feeling it at 4 a.m. almost every night.
wishing/hoping : for our roof to be soon repared!
September’s goals:
– Daily 15 min of paper organisation. Done.
– Complete the few Shine exercizes I missed so far. Not done – I was not as fit this month as I expected to.
– Daily apply my basic wellness prescription. Done. Still need to be consistent on it, but already a big improvement in my wellbeing!
October’s goals:
– 3 further sessions of 30 min for paper organisation.
– either complete the missing 3 Shine exercizes, or (if still not possible) define and complete 3 mental exercizes (meditation, make my picture of Shine/Day15, and…?)
– make our own batch of snacks (e.g. crackers) instead of buying some.
Wow, the framework of “pleasing vs. particular” puts this issue in a whole new light for me!
Not long ago at a work retreat, we did the standard exercise of saying something nice about a co-worker. When my name was called, my co-worker turned to me and said “I just love how go-with-the-flow you are! You’re the ‘drop everything’ girl we can always count on!” At this particular point in time, I was ill, exhausted, and thoroughly burnt out. But all I could think was “Oh good, they like me.”
Somewhere along the line, I think we learn that we have to please others in order to PROVE our worth. I prove my worth by doing everything (being the “drop everything” girl!). How different the world would be if we learned from the start that our own particularity was all the worth we needed?
Two sentences come to my mind: “You’re a good girl” and “Oh, what will people think about us?!”
Being “a good girl” was the compliment I harvested for whatever I did “good”. Was I really ONLY “a good girl” when I washed my teeth, tidied my room, played with my brother, kissed my grandma, came home with good school notation?… As the most usual compliment I received, it taught me it was good ONLY BECAUSE it met expectations of other people – even if I did it for another reason, like: I had fun learning new things, I loved to kiss my grandma, … on the way, I learned to look forward to being a good girl, and forget the other good reasons why I could have done something.
The worst? My mother encouraged us to be creative, supported us when we did something particular – but I learned more through the vocabulary “good girl” than through her positive yet silent support of my particularities.
“What people would think” was the worst thing that could happen when the house was not clean enough, not tidied up enough, we as children would not have immaculate enough clothes on, and so on. My mother was taught this way by her mother. Though the important for my mother was that SHE would feel good, she never learned to express it this way.
As a reaction, as I slowly became aware of the situation (as an almost adult) I tried new things, observed how it felt, what was good (or not good) to ME. I pointed out my particularities or cultivated some. This was the time I wore clothes nobody expected me to wear, I did things just because nobody else did, I discovered that my favorite beverage is violet sirup (I still know quite nobody that knows this beverage!), I began to wear hats (oh, how I love hats!) because nobody would have think it to be cool (though I do!).
I try to compliment my daughter (or myself or whomever) on what she does FOR HERSELF, on the competence/intention: prudent, courageous, curious, creative, organized, whatever. I try to encourage her to feel what is important to her – and I try to respect it even if it does not match with my wishes. I try to banish “what people think” from my vocabulary, because my thoughts are deeper than that, but this is not easy.
Oh Rosie, you made my day! As I was reading, I just thought “Too bad that I cannot come oversea” – and then, you propose an online participation?! How great is that!! Thank you so much for this wonderful idea! Please please go for it!
A short brain-storming on Passion-Purpose-Plunge:
Passion: gorgeous flowers, their perfume, heartbeat, and drums, percussion instruments, what makes me dance and sing
Purpose: where is MY Milky Way, MY shiny star-spangled way in this universe? sculpture of a block of wood or clay to let it reveal what it was intented to be.
Plunge: fountain (of youth), the feeling of water running on my hands, patio hidden in a secret garden, tree deep rooted in the earth and reaching for the sky, blind testing of diverse food in order to be not influenced by preconceptions.
I imagine all of them linked to 5-senses-experiences, to address not only the brain, but whole of the body and soul.
How I would feel afterwards? No better word than Shining…. feeling that fire burning in me, this so marvelous uniqueness, and totally empowered by it.
Great ideas, Cecile, and I just love the idea of DELIBERATELY making it a sensory experience. Thank you for your good, creative thoughts!
As someone in the heart of the “WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?!?” frenzy, these retreats sound like a breath of fresh air. I would love to find out more information as they come to be. Just a few thoughts here.
PASSION – I think of fire, bright colors, a brilliant white light shining from the center of our being. I imagined the energy at an outdoor art festival or a farmer’s market, where so many people are living out the dreams of their hearts. I imagined leaving with a feeling like I get after a good spinning class – invigorated with endorphins and ready to take on the world.
PURPOSE – I imagined strong roots, the groundedness of tree pose in yoga, the sudden thrill of finding the missing piece you were looking for in a jigsaw puzzle. I would hope to feel authentic and whole as I left. I’d also hope to be able to verbalize the scattered fragments of my dreams and visions that are currently zinging around my head.
PLUNGE – When I read your description, I had a very clear image of diving beneath the waves in the ocean. There are so many choppy waves on the surface of our lives that jerk us this way and that. But returning to authenticity and self-acceptance is like slipping (plunging?) beneath the ocean waves to that serene and calm space that was there ALL ALONG…we just forgot about it when we were fighting the waves. I imagined feeling serene, rested, and deeply loved by the universe.
Love your visualizations, CJ. They totally resonated with what I’ve been thinking. And yes, yes on the plunge metaphor. We are so often too scared to go in (or dive under) but by going in, we actually get to the safest place of all, our core being. THank you for sharing your great thoughts!
Love love love. I am sure they will be brilliant.
Couldn’t help but think creating a 3 day destination retreat (full experience including lodging) to create an experiential learning experience for a small group could be extremely powerful. If done right a group could enhance the experience and create a balance for transformation. Also, doing a destination retreat gets people out of their environment which is often very useful when considering and expanding your understanding of the your ‘big’ topics. I would love to bounce ideas around with you on this beautiful mission. It speaks directly to my heart.
Teresa, You’ve thrown the gauntlet! It’s an exciting possibility, though one that would have to be a bit in the future given my teaching schedule. But I love it and we’ll have to connect when I am ready to move in that direction- I’d love to hear more of your thoughts! Thank you!
Sounds great so far, Rosie. Some of my comments below might repeat your own thoughts or what others have commented already.
For passion, I think of: that activity that sometimes slips through your mind which you think of as forbidden, unattainable, or just plain silly (but not because they are illegal or really that shockingly “bad”). Something that gets your heart beating faster, but maybe isn’t what “they” expect you to devote your time to. For me, it would be interior design, gardening and Zumba.
Purpose reminds me of my legacy. If I died tomorrow, what would I be glad I did in my last moments? What would make a difference to others on this earth, whether that is my family or the broader community?
Plunge is the hardest one…how to integrate these plans/dreams into real life.
Recently, I read the book “Discardia” by Dinah Sanders, and it really helped me separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. What’s the good stuff you aren’t dedicating enough time to? Sanders has some great stuff about prioritizing goals and making life go smoother by eliminating time wasters and unnecessary commitments.
At a retreat, I think there would need to be meditative time devoted to discernment and inquiry. I do yoga and tai chi and I am the most focused after that. After a great workout, I also usually have a surge of creative energy, or bolts of messages to myself about where to go next and what’s most important. I also think some type of creative activity (arts & crafts, etc) can help us find themes we keep coming back to.
Would like to attend a retreat in person and/or on Skype.
Great thoughts, Raquel. Loved your ideas and metaphors. THere will definitely be some creating in every retreat. Love the questions you posed with Purpose, too, and now have on Discardia on my list to check out– thank you!
tasting : a modest handful of figs and physalis from our garden! We did not even hope to harvest some as the summer was mostly cold and rainy. They were so tasty and sweet!
hearing : Delight singing from the bottom of her heart.
smelling : Delight’s hair and skin while cuddling. So unique.
seeing : a girl riding on her bike with fairy wings on, and a large and beautiful, happy smile.
feeling : tired but happy. Delight woke up 2 hours too early today. No specific reason for my happiness, I simply feel happy.
wishing/hoping : to become a little fitter, just enough to walk outside and enjoy both the fall weather and the movement.
I went to a low country boil for the first time ever last weekend and it was AMAZING! I love the combination of fall, wine, and seafood 🙂
I do the same with a special vanilla chamomile tea I have. Because I save it for when I’m sick, it provides an amazing little moment of joy when I’m feeling crappy. Sorry you are sick, though!
This is a great exercise. I have a picture of myself from camp during high school. High school had not been kind to me, and this place was the first time I remember feeling accepted, authentic, and really alive. I don’t know that I’ve ever taken another picture where I am smiling so much. I;d never really known why I kept that picture around for years, but I love your words about the reminder of your best, life-affirming self!
Gorgeous — your spirit just shines!!
A good exercise! I first thought “she” would be just a perfect version of myself, and therefore giving me a bad feeling about myself, but no, she just feels inspiring to me.
“She” is living what my vision board suggests. Of course she has lots of similitudes with me and my aspirations.
It strikes me that she feels fulfilled as a stay-at-home mum, while I would not feel totally satisfied without a job – I need challenges, and I need some contrast in my life, to remain able to appreciate each of its different aspects.
She also more lives in the present than I do, she is less distracted by internet, TV or un-important things – and so she is able to make the best of every day. And yes, when I think about it, the way she feels could be the reminder of why I should consciously make a new media-diet….
N.B. I just love the Adirondack swing and the marvelous glass picture! It spreads the feeling of being home.
While I’m sorry to hear you are sick, I am glad you shared this again for the new folks here. What a wonderful exercise!
The woman who lives in my house rises early. She practices yoga daily (without looking at the people around her in class, worrying if she’s “doing it right”). She has carefully carved-out protected time for her writing and mixed media collages. She has a wardrobe of bright colors. She eats fresh veggies. When she thinks, “I should give that person a call or send a card,” she actually gives that person a call or sends a card.
I echo Cecile’s discovery that this exercise doesn’t feel shaming (as in “Why am I not that woman?” and instead feels inspiring (I can be that woman. In fact, I am discovering that woman every day).
To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
This is by far the most powerful pledge for me. I will be sharing this!
What a powerful and touching poster! love love love it!
There are so many! Each time I read this pledge I find new inspiration.
For Love Your Body Day I pledge:
To give my body the things that it needs to do its work well: plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest, and good nutrition, and to limit or eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
Meg C.
I love this, and need to remember it more often. I pledge to love my body for what it is, not what i want it to be.
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
I plan to remember, on a daily basis, the wonderful things my body does for me, like giving me a child.
Shannon E.
Smelling and seeing the crisp air of fall. What is it about fall light that is so invigorating?
I just picked up “Wild” the other day and am excited to dive in.
I love this idea! I just want to share that as an extremely nearsighted girl who’s worn glasses since kindergarten and got contacts as soon as I was old enough (14), I don’t consider my contacts to be an enhancement. My contacts are technology that enables me to show my natural face. I’m not ashamed to wear my glasses and appreciate what they do, but my glasses aren’t any more natural than putting contacts in. (If I’m truly all natural, I can’t see at all!) Just different means to the same end, and if anything my contacts are less appearance-altering. I feel free wearing my contacts in ways that I will never feel with my glasses on (freedom of movement and activity). It’s a practical choice, not vanity.
But I’m with you on every other step for All Natural Day!
I completely understand, Gillian– I feel the same way for me personally, but many of my college students would not ever be caught with their glasses because of appearance reasons and so I like to use this experience to help make them more comfortable with the other iteration. Hope that makes sense. SO glad you are joining in the fun!
tasting : the first “Christstollen” of this season, a german Christmas-time bakery…. I usually buy only season-wise, and Christmas is definitely far from now… but I just couldn’t resist as the weather went chilly.
hearing : Delight playing and laughing with her cousine
smelling : a rose from my garden
seeing : candles, just perfect with fall!
feeling : quite tired, fighting against a cold. Yes, this is also part of fall!
wishing/hoping : for an easy-going week
I’m in! Though I very often go all natural, for once I will do it consciously, and try to keep this motto in mind throughout the day. Looking forward to it!
There are two of these statements which I will be most consciously embracing, not only on Love Your Body Day, but every day. I have recently been subject to degrading and hurtful comments from strangers on the street which have become a source of self deprecation and hurt, so to combat this and love my body I pledge
“To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says to me (or I say to myself) something harmful.”
As a result of the comments that have been made, I’ve been struggling to reign in my inner monologue and eating disorder dialogue. It’s been a week of overwhelming thought processes, so in order to love my body I pledge
“To change the inner-monologue in my head to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, blessings not imperfections.”
I promise to remember everything my body does for me, and to remember and appreciate it for supporting me and not giving out even after I’ve neglected it and punished it. Even though I tried to shield my body from the outward attacks and I know that I was powerless to stop most of it, I most certainly should not have joined in on the attacks my poor body endured.
I feel good in my skin and in my head, like a solidly rooted tree I blossom out.
I love that image, Cecile! Beautiful.
I am a woman who always counts every single blessings I have for each day of my life. Living my life simple and happy.
Wonderfully said, Greta!
I am a woman who is strong, yet vulnerable. Who seeks guidance in her journey but thrives on independence, who is learning to be comfortable in herself.
MissL, I especially appreciated the respect and honor that you gave of the continuum with you– from strong to vulnerable, independent yet looking for guidance. Beautiful!
14 is pretty impressive!! And you could knock off #4 and use it towards your tally for #2 (canny!)
Btw, the key to cooking quinoa is to rinse it thoroughly 😉
xCate
I love this idea. Do you mind if I repost?
cafeaulait
Not at all; please do!
Rosie,
I went back and read your original post on this and saw that you did your first one before you turned 25. I turn 25 tomorrow and love this idea, so I’m going to start. Hopefully it will be the first of many!
Thanks,
Claire
Oh, Claire, I love it! Happy birthday to you. The list has been revolutionary for me; I hope it is for you as well.
I pledge:
To be the primary source of my confidence.
Oh wow. This rings so true. I teared up at Happy’s exuberant “Yes!” about liking himself. I am trying to imagine life if we all answered this question with equal enthusiasm. Our roots of compassion and self-compassion would be endless.
I have already signed the Body Warrior pledge as part of the Beautiful You journal experience. I shared one for that particular entry and today I’ll choose a different one:
I pledge:
To understand that a body, just like a personality, is like a fingerprint: a wonderful embodiment of my uniqueness.
I’ve always prided myself on being unique. I love who I am on the inside. I need to realize that my outside is just as unique as the inside. Not looking like everyone else is part of that uniqueness. I often forget that.
That quote is fantastic! Today, I plan on moving my body outdoors in the beautiful weather and feeding my body foods that make it feel good to love myself today.
Thank you so much for this! It speaks to me on so many levels.
To stop blaming my body. To stop trying to escape from my feelings by using restriction. To get rid of sick clothes and accept myself now.
I have so many of the same goals. I did a vision board. I so wanted to love quinoa, but sadly did not. Happy birthday!
Curiously, as though by hazard, on this very day, I saw a short report on a German TV-channel about a woman who did not look at herself in a mirror 365 days long. Really thought-provoking! Her blog is named “Mirror mirror… OFF the wall”.
As for me, I had only 4 hours of sleep that night, so a bit of concealer would have done a great job… in fact, I feel as worthy “natural” as I would with make-up.
I am totally OK that people can see how I feel. Maybe it makes it easier for me, people may be more comprehensive and not expect me to act “perfectly”. Who knows?
I love how you said, “I’ve seen un-airbrushed pictures of Jennifer Aniston and know that her skin is just like ours, a little bit sun-spotted, a smidge wrinkled and completely reflective of living life with joy, pain, and passion.” It’s so true… every wrinkle that we have, every sunspot is a reflection of our life and the experiences that we’ve had. It’s a beautiful, authentic and truly natural thing.
1. I think it’s an awesome challenge. I consider myself lucky that I do feel good without daily enhancements when so much of our culture tells us we should be fixing every perceived flaw every day or we’re unworthy.
2. On days when I bother to wear makeup, I use liner, mascara, at least three eyeshadows, brow powder, powder foundation (or my airbrush foundation if I feel fancy), blush, lipstick or gloss, and sometimes a highlighter and/or bronzer. I almost never use hair products anymore, and I only use those or heat tools on special occasions, which are few and far between at present. Ditto with shaping garments, since I nearly always wear jeans and non-clingy tops.
3. For me, most days are all natural (to the extent one can claim that while having a fuchsia streak in one’s hair). My primary job is in a warehouse environment and starts at 5 a.m., so I have zero desire to get up early enough to do anything beyond brushing my teeth and hair and putting on deodorant. Being natural is natural for me.
4. n/a?
5. It’s easiest for me to go without hair products.
6. “Hope there’s not a surprise serial killer in my car.” (I may watch too many horror movies for someone who goes to work when it’s still very dark out.)
7. Just like every other day, I guess.
8. It’s not actually something I learned today, but I can say that having an unnaturally colored streak in my hair feels natural for me. It makes me feel more true to myself, and I love when I get comments on it. I also know that, for me, makeup is body art, not a necessity; and I’ll probably never go by that old saying that, “the trick to wearing makeup is to look like you’re not wearing makeup.” No way! I’ve put a lot into this hobby, and I’m happy to show off my purple lipstick or red blush or cobalt shadow.
Thanks for the reminder! I needed that today.
Love it! I can see this being Happy’s facebook banner when he is older, as it is apparently all the rage now to put your childhood Halloween picture as your banner 🙂
tasting : a wonderful cheese cake at my brother’s birthday – an Alsacian recipe
hearing : an interessant conversation between totally different people – I find fascinating that people who has absolutely nothing in common still can have a great conversation.
smelling : quinces,the first ones this year! Still wondering what I will do out of them.
seeing : the wonderful fall colours, and great ideas on Pinterest….
feeling : the sun on my skin, so good!
wishing/hoping : for my godson and his family to stay the course.
Striving to be “enough” – for my family, for my friends, for society – has paralyzed me from taking necessary next steps. I’m at a professional transition point, and I need to make a choice about which direction to choose – but I’ve shot down every option with destructive expectations of being “enough.” If I choose this option, I won’t be successful ENOUGH for my family. If I choose that, I won’t earn ENOUGH to justify my college education. If I choose the other, I won’t be creative/original ENOUGH so that my friends will think I’m cool. I have to let this go. It’s completely paralyzing, because you’re right – no option will ever be ENOUGH for another person. I have to find my own enough.
I used to be living in a rush, always wanting to save the whole planet. I just couldn’t give enough out of myself – damned clock, only 24 hours a day?! And I never ever was able to do enough, there was always more to accomplish, because yes, in someone else’s eyes, if I was able to do, let’s say 120%, it would probably be possible to reach 125%. And in my eyes, not reaching the goal would be “not enough”. Vicious circle. I would have a daily list of priorities, though. The kind with 10 points that absolutely have to be done today, though 1 or 2 would have been more realistic – but not enough.
My current limitations wiped abruptly the slate clean. My current priority list? “If I have enough energy to do one thing today, and nothing in the coming days, what would I do? And in case I don’t have enough energy for that one thing, how can I split it?” Not the same kind of enough.
I realized yesterday: even if I am currently a shadow of myself in term of energy, I feel that I am right as I am, in the right place and at the right time. I feel an inner peace like never before. I’ve found my enough.
I love the idea of hearing about society’s standards of beauty from the perspective of the glossy magazine writer. I often picture the fight for self-acceptance as an us (“real women”) vs. them (glossy magazines) sort of set-up. This shows the conversation about real beauty can – and should – include everyone. I’ll have to check this book out!
Oh my goodness!! So precious!
tasting: lamb with couscous and a zucchini-tomato side-dish – with zucchini from our garden.
hearing: a compliment, and it felt good receiving it!
smelling: coffee. So good by this cold weather, so good after a weird night.
seeing: snow falling!
feeling: frustrated as our weekend plans won’t happen. Delight is sick. And feeling guilty that I feel frustrated!
wishing/hoping: for Delight’s sickness to be soon over. I’d love her to play with this first snow…. not sure if possible.
rosie – you are such an inspiration. this is an excellent story.
i began my journey to being a teacher and student advocate in an under performing high school in richmond, california. a handful teachers were wonderful, but a bigger handful were there collecting paychecks. most students lived in poverty and dropped out well before graduation.
most students from my school are either dead, in jail or on drugs. many of them became parents before they could drive. about 15% of my school went on to college of any kind.
my plan was always to go to college (my folks always expected i would) and do big things in the world by working in politics or law. i didn’t want other kids and women to go through the things i had and so i began my life as an advocate volunteering on political campaigns and working on women’s issues while attending college full time and working to pay my own way. (Lesson 1: most people relied on their parents to pay for school and had never worked).
i majored in political science and minored in african american studies because, quite honestly, found the almost complete absence of students of color on my college campus disturbing. at least in the aas department, students and teachers of color were present. (Lesson 2: many students of color never make it to UC schools or drop out before graduation because of financial or family reasons).
long story short, politics isn’t for the sensitive-natured woman and i left after more than a decade to make a difference one kid at a time. teaching kids to read and believe there is a bright future for themselves is honestly the best thing i’ve ever done, besides adopting my ruby. (Lesson 3: for people like me, making a big difference in the life of one child is way more fulfilling than making tiny changes in the law).
i feel so much better about myself since i stopped reading “women’s” magazines. it is as simple as that.
god bless U my friend.. i need a nap just reading about ur days 😀
LOVE!!
Still one of my faves
Hey I was a cowgirl this yr for our hween party 😀
Happy and I would have won the costume contest hands down!!
As the weather was a bit crazy last week-end, there’s a kind of theme here…
tasting: a rolled pork roast stuffed with cheese and smocked ham.
hearing: the snow melting, falling from the trees, a quite slip, and icy water dropping.
smelling: the snow-ish air. Is it a smell? or an absence of smell? The air is so pure, almost sharp. Love it.
seeing: snow. No, really?!… Yes! an icing-sugar covered landscape. I can’t help thinking of fairy tales.
feeling: the consistence of this snow, quite heavy as full of water (already begun to melt), therefore ideal for building a snowman or snow balls as it is quite sticky.
wishing/hoping: that the 3 of us will get fitter soon! I’m tired of infections. But hey, let’s be realistic, the “bad season” has just began…. So that’s more a wish than a hope.
Well, it becomes always more difficult to me to achieve anything.
October’s goals were:
– 3 further sessions of 30 min for paper organisation. -> Not done.
– either complete the missing 3 Shine exercizes, or (if still not possible) define and complete 3 mental exercizes (meditation, make my picture of Shine/Day15, and…?. -> Not done the way I wanted, but reading your blog and making some of the exercizes proposed counts. So done.
– make our own batch of snacks (e.g. crackers) instead of buying some. -> Not done.
November’s goals:
– pack my bag for the maternity clinic
– be up-to-date on all the paperwork to be done before/after the birth and prepare as far as possible
– begin with Christmas preparations as far as possible – maybe also lists for my dear ones to know what to do, or for me to not forget too much in the rush.
Oh, wow, Cecile. I can’t believe it is time to pack that bag. You’ll have to keep us posted! All my best to you and your family!
Thank you so much Rosie! Still some weeks to go….
I’ll take some time and energy to make some crafts, though there is so much I “should better” use my energy for (means: “useful” for the household). I totally deserve to take some time for myself and refresh my mind.
Also I did not found answers to all of the questions… but it seems I’m pretty happy with my life!
1. Your most marked characteristics? Able to self-critic, therefore able to grow. Empathic. Love to solve problems. Love to learn. Love to help others to grow/learn/…
6. What is your favorite occupation? let my mind free, let my ideas effervesce and make something out of it.
7. What is your dream of happiness? a good life balance, including time for me. Being trully present.
8. What, to your mind, would be the greatest of misfortunes? see my dear ones suffering, maybe worse, and not be able to do anything to help them.
9. What would you like to be? I’m happy as I am.
10. In what country would you like to live? I live in Germany and I am totally happy with it.
11. What is your favorite color? red
15. Who are your favorite poets? Charles Baudelaire
20. Who are your heroes in real life? my husband
21. What is it you most dislike? lack of respect
22. What natural gift would you like to possess? I don’t lack anything specifically, like any human I have a lot of natural gifts and I’m happy with it.
23. How would you like to die? without noticing it
24. What is your present state of mind? glad I’m taking time to answer.
tasting :: the traditional German St Martin dish: goose with red cabbage and potato dumpling, prepared by my mother-in-law. Hmmm…
hearing :: Delight. Let’s say: Delight’s puberty crisis (she is 4). A new phase, and as usual we as parents are 2 steps behind so far.
smelling :: moisturizing cream.
seeing :: Baby’s nursery, that now looks like a nursery! I’m so grateful my husband did it, and I’m totally happy with the result!
feeling :: exhausted, a bit discouraged. Life in the last weeks requested all of my energy, and I was not able to do ANYTHING for the household.
wishing/hoping :: to get sleep, and cheer up – we have the great chance to get some support as from now. Things will go better.
Rosie, This is great. I didn’t name my intention into a ‘tour’ but I have been doing this in my life for the last 6 months or so…slow at first. Funny thing is that the few times I shared what I had decided the people around me acted as if they did know what I meant. I realized that when you teach people that you will be agreeable to their desires…they stop believing that you might have a different preference and just assume that you want what they do.
tasting :: red sweet pepper. Nothing fancy but I somehow totally enjoyed it.
hearing :: the new songs from Delight’s Kindergarten
smelling :: coffee on a grey cloudy and cold afternoon. This smell itself felt like a treat!
seeing :: our house, piccobello cleaned thanks to my MIL. I’m so grateful!
feeling :: peaceful
wishing/hoping :: to keep a good balance in the coming weeks
I love this.. my “Half B-day” is in a month (yes i celebrate a half bday AND a bday month).. starting my list now.
Thanks to this idea I was an extra on Friday Night Lights and have been to a few concerts alone (+ the 1000 other ppl there.. lol) bc none of my friends liked the bands that i LOVE.. why miss out right? ;-D
HAPPY BIRHDAY ROSIE!! luv ya
Beautiful! I wish you would have been my college professor! What a gift your class must be for your students.
I’m crying, right here at my desk! This is so lovely. And was very needed today. Thank you, Rosie.
Why didn’t I think to do it before? I will do it right now!! Ordering your “Beautiful You” book online.. one book I started when I lived in New York. It was a wonderful reading. I live in France now. It will be an excellent practise for English and … self confidence. Thank you so much!!
Rosie,
Thanks for such great advice heading into the season of small talk that can make us feel smaller. I love the way you remind us of where our value comes from, and how to keep others from snatching it. And most of all, I love the way you remind us to take care of ourselves (and even give us some meaningful ways to do that) – THAT is the best gift! Grateful for YOU!
i haven’t had one of these moments in a long, long time – i like to think it’s because of good boundaries (or at least geography). in any case, i wish i would have had it when i was younger.
you are a treasure, friend!
happy holidays to you and your family.
Loving the picture of Happy with your father! How precious.
What a lovely post! It is so easy to get stuck in your head and not realize the blessings already present.
November’s goals:
– pack my bag for the maternity clinic => done
– be up-to-date on all the paperwork to be done before/after the birth and prepare as far as possible => done
– begin with Christmas preparations as far as possible – maybe also lists for my dear ones to know what to do, or for me to not forget too much in the rush. => “as far as possible” is not very concrete, but I am really proud of how organized we are. And I am proud that this happened because of a good priority management, without perfectionism. So done.
December’s goals:
– write Christmas cards to family and friends
– consciously care a lot for myself and enjoy
– enjoy some more special and lovely moments with Delight
Such an exciting time, Cecile. I am wishing you and your family all good things and cannot wait for you to pop back in with an update once you are able. And I do get the sense from you that you have just been deliberately as intentional as possible without taking it to the next level of perfectionism and control- you have found your particular sweet spot and that’s awesome. Take gentle care!
This hits home with me so much at the moment. I needed to buy some new foundation the other day, in the past I’d always just been given some by friends or as free samples. I ended up having a panic attack in the chemist because I didn’t know what to do. There was hundreds of different foundations and every single one claimed that they were the best and offered something that none of the others did, and I had no idea which one to actually pick. In the end I just grabbed the one that was on sale which ended up being fine, and ever since then I’ve been thinking how ridiculous all those beauty product claims are.
I just made this image my work laptop background. thanks!
Your sentiments came to have meaning for me several years ago, as I was lamenting my inflexibility and thick thighs and various lumps and bumps in the women’s gym, and happened to overhear two other women asking each other what their exercise goals were; one of them said, “I just want to look like her (nodding towards me),” and the other responded, “You have to be realistic, and focus on what’s great about you.” I’m tall and relatively slim, but NOT PERFECT, and of course I spent virtually all my attention on the things I thought were wrong about my body, until I overheard this wise woman turn my perceptions upside-down. Remembering this is always a good reality-check for me!
What a powerful story, Marsha. Thank you so much for sharing!
Speaking as someone who has multiple chronic conditions but whose health remains…okay-ish…my experience is that although I’m sure there are plenty of women who wish they were “only” as sick as me, the perspective of other chronically ill people is not really as you describe. I’m “in the club” now, and anytime I express something to the effect of, “I should be grateful my health isn’t worse,” or, “I shouldn’t be complaining, I know you have to deal with much worse,” the other members of the club are quick to point out that I shouldn’t minimize how hard things can be for me, even from people who are, in fact, obviously much worse off than I am. I’ve never once had someone even give the impression that they were secretly thinking, “Girlie, I’d trade places with you in a hot minute.”
Acceptance is key, but loving or even respecting my genetically crappy health is…I’d say not a worthy goal. Not like loving and respecting my fat body, big nose and curly hair. There’s something that sets my teeth on edge about the idea that there’s really any comparison between having curly hair and having poor health.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and experience, Shaye. You make some valuable points that are really important to consider. As someone who has a condition that has affected my cognition and another chronic condition that alters how my body looks (in the midst of wreaking havoc on my health), I personally found that it was important for me to find peace with and even love for what I received genetically (not that there aren’t some moments where I don’t think, “seriously, this bites.”). But, of course, just because that is true for what I needed on my journey, doesn’t mean that it is true for what everyone needs for his/her journey. I am with you wholeheartedly on acceptance always being a good and necessary step towards something that looks like peace.
I annoy everyone I know by constantly insisting on dragging my camera to everything and it makes me so sad that people are so camera shy. I’m a photographer and there’s nothing better than portrait photography to make you realise how beautiful and unique every single person in the world is. And even people who are confident in their looks, are still camera shy because there’s a sad way of thinking that seems to have developed with the rise of social media that having your photo taken means your ‘attention seeking’ and stuck up. Why can’t we celebrate our unique gorgeousness and capture memories without attaching even more criticism to it?
love this perspective, Sophie. Thank you for sharing!
restorative yoga!!!!!!
You always know the perfect thing to say. And I was just saying to Jodi Helmer the other day that even though I don’t know you, your blog makes me feel like I do. You have this amazing way of connecting with people. I’m sure you know that. But I can’t imagine you can hear that too much.
Lindsey, what a lovely, humbling compliment. Thank you. I look forward to meeting you in person one day!
Beautiful. Thank you.
I just finished reading The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe and thought it was fantastic. Really enjoyed Switch by Chip Heath as well.
I’m completely with you Rosie. We feel desperate and helpless in the face of such horrible events. We feel so little, so left alone, and don’t know what we could do to help the victims’ families, nor how to protect our world for the future – so big the task! so weak each of us!
However doing what we are supposed to, in our own little life, with all of our heart, is the best we can do – like putting the right piece of a puzzle, and having faith that other will do the same. By growing the puzzle, we can slowly and steadily change this world.
I love your sentence, it sums it perfectly up: “we mustn’t just hope for better, we must be that better”.
This is so heartfelt and authentic. Thank you so much for sharing.
I am almost done with 11/22/63 by Stephen King and although it’s a bazillion and a half (849) pages long, it’s SO worth it. Amazing. Not _scary_ in a “typical” King way, and so worth the mystery.
Also, thanks to mono, I’ve read about 100 books this year, and listed them all at GoodReads. Some updated YA and some great new books listed. *shrug* Thought I’d leave that link for you, too! http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4652409-sarah
I needed this.. Thank you my friend
Love this idea! Thank you for always finding new ways to guide us to live with intention.
Perhaps you are already aware: I have developed a web page (http://www.frankwbaker.com/isb.htm)whose purpose is to get all of us to be more aware of the manipulation of images, which is not a contemporary technique–it’s been happening since the early days of photography.
Thanks for sharing, Frank! I’ll definitely go check it out!
I absolutely love your process posts. Thank you for sharing your organizational wisdom.
This post is starred in my reader and will be put to good use later in the week/month.
PS – 2 year olds are a pain.
we are so adding a nightly book countdown to our holiday traditions next year. i was hemming and hawing over the whole 25 christmas books part (i’m not sure i really want any if i’m being totally honest), but the winter books idea is BRILLIANT!
This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you! I’ve never thought about the feelings I want to have, only the vague “happy” that is fairly difficult to predict. Now I’m thinking about feelings like “joy” and “accomplished”, Sort of like how you (I) feel after a long hike…
BOOKWORM! this picture makes me want to curl up and read too.
jan brett’s books are amazing.
i am looking forward to ruby reading on her own instead of hitting me with the books demanding they be read NOW. she’s quite the little cave girl bookworm.
I loved this book as a kid! Glad Happy does too. 🙂
Appreciating the time and effort you put into your website and detailed
information you provide. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t
the same out of date rehashed material.
I chose the word possibility because the sky’s the limit I can do anything I can dream anything… I can achieve anything…the world is full of possibilities and I can make this year be anything I want it to be. 2013 I am going to dwell in possibility and try new things, scary things I was afraid to try before anything is possible!!!!!
Kimberley, I love the hope and anticipation in possibility. Yes, the world is open to you and what you dream (this comment reminds me of the poem Wild Geese by Mary OLiver, if you don’t know it, you must check it out. It could be your extended mantra for the year!). Cannot wait to see what you manifest from those possibilities!
flow is such a good one! i imagine effortlessness and grace and ease and comfort.
Yes indeed to effortlessness, grace, ease, and comfort. And then more please. xoxo to you, Tami!
My word for the year is satisfy. I resisted this word at first. Now that we are further into the year, I am at peace with using satisfy. I look forward to discovering how living into my word transforms my year! Thank you for encouraging your readers to select a word. The perfectionist side of me resisted choosing ONE word. In hindsight, I am so glad I did!
Isn’t it funny how we sometimes resist what we most need. I am so glad that you decided to embrace what satisfy has to offer and that you are focusing with that one word!
My word for 2013 is SERENITY. In 2012, I made a lot of important choices which changed my life. And I think I made the good ones. So my goal for the new year is to enjoy this new life, full of … peace, good moments, friendship and love!
Oh I love this, Marie. Enjoy this wonderful life that you have created for yourself with the powerful choices and changes you made!
It is my hopes you could have a workshop in Reno, NV. If you come to Reno, please let me know. Thank you-
Aww, thanks for being interested in one of my workshops. I would love to come to Reno one days. Fingers crossed that an invitation comes! I would definitely let you know!
What a happy little list! Thanks for sharing it 🙂
I think husband-y hugs, best friend phone calls, and singing loudly with my iPod would have to make my list 😀
Yes, Kessia, great additions. I love phone calls with BFFs and singing loudly!
Did you redo your room, if this is your room, LOVE IT!
Not my room at all but doesn’t it look inviting. We did redo but it is way more child friendly (and husband friendly) than that!
I love (and agree) with your list too! Here are my 2 additions:
Pouring through a new cookbook that I randomly selected at the library yesterday that offers a new perspective and ingredient options.
Other instant boost: trying the new recipes, and repeating the successful dishes to share with UNsuspecting friends. (You in Rosie?)
It would be my honor to be an unsuspecting recipe taster!
Bedmaking is new to my routine in the last two years and its weirdly amazing – agreed. I got a really nice bar of soap for Christmas. Without thinking, I left it on my dresser and it incidentally surprised me with an amazingly welcome smell every time I walked through my bedroom – kind of like having a candle, but even lower maintenance. It lives there now.
Oh, that’s a great idea for gift soaps– you just made me think that it would also be fun to put one in a drawer and then open it up to that nice subtle scent. Love it!
Your book Beautiful You came in the mail today. How could I not love it when the first line for Day One is: The book that captivated my heart and mind as a child was Harriet the Spy.
Me, too! Well, actually it captivated my heart as a grown up! I’ve read it so many times.
I’m a teacher, too! I also bought Hijas Americanas for reading on my iPad. Can’t wait!
Oh, Karen. I love that you, too, have a deep affection for Harriet the Spy (and that you are a teacher!). Thanks for checking out both Beautiful You and Hijas Americanas! So glad we’ve connected!
LOVE this article! And really needed it right now. Thank you so much.
Enjoy writing your prescription, Phyllis! Would love to hear what makes the list.
i love listening to joy the baker’s podcast. it never fails to make me feel better.
i’m also a fan of listening to wait, wait don’t tell me and occasional episodes of this american life.
reading books. not on my kindle, but actual books. novels are best.
phone dates with friends – sounds silly, but if we don’t make them, we don’t talk.
getting on my mat. you’d think this would be first, but alas….
hugging the child. it feels especially good when she hugs back rather than trying to scurry away. also getting into playing on the floor with her rather than kinda playing on the floor with her.
doing the dishes. cooking healthy dinners. mundane tasks that have to be done anyway and i get a huge sense of accomplishment from something that has to be done anyway.
listening to music and singing really loud helps too.
I needed this today. I so so so so SO needed this today. I react the same way to the dark and the grey. I am solar-powered. I lived in Oregon for 25+ years and only recently realized that my brain and heart thrive on sunshine.
Today was a rough one and I needed these words; I plan to implement them tomorrow.
I am Adah! I live in a small town near your small town. I know you from Tuesday Club (although I’ve been scarce at programs this year). I can’t remember how I got to your blog exactly, but it was after we met again at Tues Club. I know several people who know you quite well, so when I talk to them about your blog posts it makes me feel even more like we are friends!! I teach middle and high school science, mostly biology and environmental courses but generals science, too. I love school, but I also love thinking about and trying ways to re-invent school. I work in a school that is enormously trusting and supportive of faculty! At home, my husband and I have two kids under the age of five, nine chickens, two cats that we never intended to keep, and a high-maintenance old house.
Currently I love reading books about backyard homesteading, but most of my reading is blog content. I use Google Reader to keep track of the ones I follow and I really wonder how everyone else keeps up with their blogs, since no one seems to have ever heard of Google Reader (and I imagine that some day it might be nixed).
I started a personal blog that I never kept up with. Recently several colleagues and I have started a professional blog that I am enjoying being a part of. Lately I have been pondering community building, so many of your posts are a perfect fit for the mental exercises I like to do. I am interested in how teachers can foster independence and also community building skills in their students. We want our students to be independent learners but not so independent that it is isolating and/or self-destructive. Communities of various kinds are the obvious complement to independence, but knowing how to create and grow a community is not intuitive for everyone. So I am spending some time thinking about that.
I read almost every word of all of your posts. I am fascinated by the journey of your life and how you’ve actualized a professional set-up, as you say, that captures what you want to do but makes ends meet and isn’t a traditional 9 to 5. I am also awed by the wisdom you share in the form of lists of ways to think about things and make them happen! Your blog has been eye-opening to say the least.
I could go on . . but for now I will leave you with my current secret wish, which is to have a milking cow (I would settle for a pig, though).
Adah, I always forget that you read the blog. I love it. That makes me happy to know that someone I might run into at Tuesday Club (i have always been scarce) or around one of our two towns is reading. I had no idea that you had chickens. I must find you at spring picnic and hear all about them– what fun! And I know that feeling about teaching and wanting to find the right balance between cultivating independent-mindedness while also building community. Are you reading anything about community building that you would recommend? And I love your secret wish. I got to care for pigs and cows on my grandfather’s farm growing up and I have an affinity for both! Hope to see you around soon!
I’m Marie. I’m French. For two years, I lived in New York with my son. I’m a teacher and I taught FFL in a French English Dual Language in a Public School in the Bronx. It has been an amazing experience. One day, while I was looking for a book to read (I was in the wonderful public library, 5th avenue!!!), my choice was your Beautiful You book. Even if I didn’t unterstand every words, your message went straight to my heart. And at this moment, I needed to read this kind of message 😉 During our stay in NY, I had a blog : diary of a mapie girl.eklablog.fr. Everything is written in French! Now, we live in France (South, near the Mediterranée beach). We have wonderful friends who are lovely with us! And I don’t forget my american friends! I miss them so much… Since January 1st, we decided, some friends and I, to share the experience of Beautiful You Journal. Every day, I translate the book for them. We bought a notebook (mine is decorated with colored flowers, one friend bought a black and white notepad)and try to be as sincere as we can! And I improve both my English and my soul. When I read your blog, I love the lists! And also the goals for the month, or the week. You have so many surprising and great ideas. Please, write, again and again. What a pleasure to read you.
Oh Marie, what a pleasure to know more about you! I love that you happened to find BY at the library– as I have such a heart for the library (it is where I spent Saturdays growing up). Are you teaching in France now? And your Beautiful You book club fills me with joy! Thank you for letting me be a part of your very special community and for being a part of my community here!
I’m going to jump right in b/c I am having a day…
I live near Rosie, for now. Not sure where life is taking my family this year. I had truly just emailed Rosie to tell her I needed to look for a job when my phone rang with someone wanting to talk about me becoming a travel agent. It SCARES me. What if I really don’t know what I’m doing?!? What if I screw up? What if we end up in the poor house?
I was about to say I never have felt anxiety about a big decision before (moving, parenthood, adopting, world travel) and then I remembered I almost didn’t go to my own wedding. There have been times I’ve wanted to leave since. (Hey, I’m being honest here.) But in the past few months I’ve realized that while it has not been always pretty or romantic by others’ standards, my marriage is strong and has allowed me to become truly myself. My husband is not some macho, big money dude. But he is the only partner I’ve met so far in life who is not afraid of my crazy, and sees amazing things in me that I’m not sure are there.
So, I guess I jump in???
Carrie (mom to 3 teen and tween girls, with an addiction to volunteering)
My counter question to you, Carrie, is what if you don’t? What if this is what you were mean to do all along (I know how you love travel)? And so funny that you say that about how your partner is not afraid of your crazy because I always say that we’ve all got a little crazy, the key is to find someone who likes, needs, or isn’t afraid of your brand of crazy. What a gift to have found that! Look forward to see where you search takes you!
Hi! I’m Trini (it’s short for Katrina, though I don’t remember the last time anyone’s called me that). I’m 25, and I just started going back to school for my degree in early education. I love cooking/baking and gardening and reading. Yoga and pilates are my favorite forms of exercise, even though I’m trying to incorporate more cardio. Usually when I’m stressed, I find a lot of comfort in cleaning, baking, knitting, and cuddling up with my main squeeze.
I *just* moved from Connecticut to a suburb outside of Pittsburgh, PA. It’s been challenging being so far away from my friends and family for the first time in my life, but at the same time it’s been nice to be able to reinvent some parts of my life and habits. I’ve been spending more time on yoga and trying new recipes and giving myself some attention for a change.
A little known fact about me is that when I first was deciding on a college major, I was going to go into musical theater. I’m now an early education major, which is something I’m equally passionate about. A lot of people don’t know my original major, since I don’t really sing or act very frequently anymore (something that a part of me misses dearly, but I’m also finding myself becoming shyer as I get older). I left school before I was done the first time, and I don’t really try to explain to people why I have to take so many core classes over again (reason being that the general education requirements for teaching are INCREDIBLY more stringent from those for theater).
I came to this part of the internet through Mara Glatzel. I think I found her blog through some twitter friends, and I fell in love. I was always very hard on myself, if not on my body then more on my personality and thinking I wasn’t good enough. So a lot of topics regarding self-love really resonate with me, and it’s been something I’ve been actively trying to work on.
I don’t have a blog. I journal, and I’ve been working through the Beautiful You prompts. I’ve been considering blogging again, since going back to school has raised a lot of thoughts and ideas. I do have a tumblr, though that’s primarily for sharing cute animal pictures with friends.
I’m generally a fan of all your posts. I really like the Friday Reflections, and anything that may lead to an new recipe for me to try.
I guess the question I would have for you is how to take steps towards accepting who I am as a complete person. That’s what I’ve had struggles with in the past and on my really low days (when I feel like I can’t get anything right), it’s what I tend to go back to.
I don’t know you personally but I think you’re inspiring and I look forward to reading your posts in my google reader each morning =)
Oh, Trini, so many things I want to talk about– where to start?! Back in your musical theaters days, what musical did you most want to perform? So glad that BY has become a part of your journey! As for Friday reflections, I am still really digging on these honey oatmeal muffins. You must make them! And I will keep working on posts that talk about how to move towards accepting all of you. Thanks for your kind words!
Hi, I’m Shannon. I live in a little town about 30 mins east of Raleigh, NC (small world!). I stumbled across your blog in surfing for inspirational/positive body image sites and recently won a contest on your site that included your wonderful book! I do have a personal blog, http://www.intuitiveeatingjournal.blogspot.com about my disordered eating and body image struggles. Ironically, I am a social worker/therapist myself. Nobody’s perfect, eh? I love reading about positive body image, recovery from eating disorders and fun anecdotes.
I am mother to a 19 month old daughter and I am trying to learn more about how I can make sure to raise her with a good self-image and prevent my patterns from being repeated, having been raised by a disordered eater myself.
Hooray for small towns, Shannon, and for BY finding its way to you. You should be so incredibly inspired by you and your journey of healing and intentionality- I am! I have some mother/ daughter posts on here and over at Mamiverse and will continue to keep that in mind as I brainstorm and write!
I am a licensed clinical psychologist in Overland Park, KS (a suburb of Kansas City) and I have three little boys (5, 3, 1). I am the founder and director for a nonprofit called REbeL (www.rebelks.com) that works to raise awareness of eating and body image issues as well as bullying, peer pressure, etc. We work within area schools and help teens become peer educators so they can try to act as agents of change within their friend groups. I also had an eating disorder during my teen years and find body image problems to be a struggle for nearly every woman I know. As such, I particularly love your posts on self-image, appearance, the media and its manipulations, etc. I am typically putting my baby down for a nap when your blog posts come to my email so I read them on my phone while rocking him. And the Friday Reflections posts always make me smile. I do not have a blog.
Laura, thank you for what you are doing– it is such important work! Great to know what posts are particularly insightful to you– I’ll keep those up. And it makes me smile that Friday Reflections is a tradition you like! Fingers crossed that I get to go to Kansas City one day!
I can’t resist. I live in Fairfield, CT. A little known fact about me is that I have HORRIBLE vision in one eye that they tried to correct with a patch when I was little and it didn’t work. That I will lose sight in my good eye is one of my not-so-irrational fears. Having my kids on a boat is one of my irrational fears.
Here’s why I can’t help but answer. I am at this little corner of the internet because I had the amazing good fortune of having Rosie be my first friend when I started a new high school. I can tell you all that she has ALWAYS been good and kind and I have never heard a bad or unsupportive word out of her mouth. She is the real deal.
I would start a blog but I think it would end up being about my attempts to be a more old-fashioned mom in a modern world, and who wants to read that????
I love any post about Happy, but I love the annual cupcake post. I don’t think I have ever been bored by your posts, but that is largely in part because when I read your writing, I hear your voice and it makes me smile.
Steph, I had NO idea about your vision! I would totally have the same fear. And I am with you on the what other people would consider crazy kid fears (but I think are totally rational). I most freak out when in a mall with Happy and he walks over to the little cutouts on the 2nd floor that let you look down at the first floor. I totally go bonkers– heart racing, sweat, tight chest. So there is just a smidge of my cray cray.
Thank you for your sweet words. It was my great fortune to be your first friend at SVHS and an even greater honor to still call you friend today. And I would LOVE to read that blog. Please.
Crack me up that you remember the cupcake post. it is such a quintessential moment in my and BF’s relationship. Valentine’s Day is coming which means so is the cupcake post (and also means that I am that much closer to seeing you!).
Hi! My name is Drea and I was born & raised in Jackson,MS. I now live in Charlotte,NC with my 6 yr old maltipoo Bo. I absolutely LOVE to sing and dance but I can’t do either very well. I consider myself an armchair psychologist who is a mix between Dr. Phil, Iyanla Vanzant and Sister Souljah. I enjoy reading all types of fiction and autobiographies, huge football & basketball fan and love hosting big gatherings of family & friends. I read your blog at least a couple of times a week for inspiration and thought provoking ideas on how to authentically be ME and how that can show up in the world. I met you through a mutual friend Joy a few years ago. I do have a blog called Being Drea Nicole at http://www.beingdreanicole.blogspot.com. I write about everyday musings and other foolishness and like to read about people’s life journey.
Drea, Love that combination of armchair psych styles! And I had no idea that you love hosting– I bet you have some wonderful soirees! Saw your 33 things list– there are some great things on there! Eager to watch how it all goes!
Hello! My name is Samantha. I’m a creative and quirky 23 year old with a passion for photography and urban exploration. I currently live in Charlotte, NC in the Ballantyne area and I’m a student at UNC Charlotte graduating in May! On campus, I’m the co-founder and Vice President for the To Write Love on Her Arms UChapter which is an organization dedicated to finding help and presenting hope for students struggling with mental health disorders such as addiction, depression, self-injury, etc. Though I’ll graduate with a degree in English, my future plan is to pursue my new-found love of photography by taking art classes and possibly obtaining an apprenticeship with a local photographer.
I’ve been reading your blog since I took you for Body Image last semester! The course really helped me to find and accept myself in ways I never thought possible. I hoped that by reading your blog, it would be a reminder of what I learned in your class. In the future, I would love to see more posts related to coping with anxiety as I suffer from the disorder and there are days that I feel so overwhelmed that even getting out of bed seems like too much effort. Additionally, any post about Body Image and learning to accept your body really resonate with me.
I don’t have a blog but I do have a tumblr devoted to my photography (I have an actual website in production): http://www.tumblr.com/blog/yupitooksomepictures
SAM! I love that you are really looking into photography for your future- makes my heart happy. Just checked out the tumblr- love the anxiety photo series! Here’s a past post on my strategies for quieting anxiety and I’ll keep that in mind (and, of course, accepting your body and self) for future posts! https://rosiemolinary.com/2012/09/11/the-list-quieting-anxiety/ Happy last semester of college!
I live in Houston, TEXAS
I don’t think there is a little known fact about me. I am a HUGE OPEN BOOK! I’m a single mom now. I have 2 wonderfully gifted children and I just recently blogged about how my son is a “high functioning” Aspe.
I can’t remember how I first heard about you! I’m also a blogger and I love the way you inspire women.
http://www.shoegirlcorner.blogspot.com I’ve been blogging for 8 years. I love writing. I love inspiring women, I love making a difference in someone’s life.
One of my favorite posts was the one about how BF built you that beautiful writing room. I loved it and I wanted one too! One day I’ll have one.
I want to know you. I hope to meet you in person one day.
I also blog for skirt! magazine at http://www.skirt.com/shoegirl1970
Loida, You will make BF’s year. The Sugar Shack is the sweetest of spaces; BF gave me an incredible gift. Blogging for 8 years is just incredible– that’s awesome! And I hope to meet you one day in real life, too! Love live skirt!
Where do you live? About 25 minutes north of Atlanta, in Woodstock.
What’s a little known fact about you? I joke with friends sometimes about “being born the wrong color,” especially after marrying into a Latino family. I have never felt more welcomed except when I’m with my own blood relatives, and my loyalty and gratitude to them is unparalleled. After getting married, my views on immigration, illegal immigrants and the process of becoming an American citizen changed drastically. It’s hard for me to not fly into a blind rage now if I see anyone posting negatively about it, and I have to remind myself that opinions are like you-know-whats.
What brought you to this little corner of the internet? honestly can’t remember how we met – on Twitter? Through Blogger?
Do you have a blog? I do. I’ve been blogging since 2007 right before a breakup and I needed a place to vent. Before that, I had a LiveJournal and wrote there sometimes. Ashleygraceless.com has a little of everything in it, really. My goal is to be more consistent with the writing, even if it’s not my best.
What posts do you like, and which ones bore you to tears? I can’t think of any that bore me to tears, but I do know that I thoroughly enjoy any about Circle de Luz. I think that’s an amazing program.
Do you have a question that you’d love for me to try to answer? Do you have any suggestions for someone trying to learn Spanish as a second language later in life? Some days I get so discouraged.
Do you know me, if so how? Not personally, but we’ve been Internet acquaintances for a while. I would love the opportunity to one day come to one of your writing workshops.
And anything else you wish to share. I still have not finished reading The Artist’s Way since you recommended it back in 2009. Another goal…
Ashley, How did we connect? I feel like we’ve been e-friends forever! Oh, that touches me that you are inspired by Circle de Luz. I actually do have a few Circle posts coming– keep an eye out! Alright for Spanish– here is my suggestion (although this might be what you are already doing)– buy an audio language program (I’ve never used Rosetta Stone but in that vein) and listen to it on your commutes, longer car trips. I did this to learn Portuguese before a summer in Brazil (and no, knowing Spanish didn’t help with Portguese- I think it was actually a distraction). I thought there was no way in heck it worked but after 24 hours in Brazil, something clicked and I was conversational. I was shocked because I had spent the spring just talking to myself in the car in Portuguese. So, that would be my big recommendation. That and some WAPA and Univision tv watching and then practicing with whomever you know who speaks Spanish.
I would love to have you for a writing workshop. I am actually doing one in March if that might be a good time to visit family: http://www.weatherscreek.net/Weathers_Creek/March_-_Molinary.html.
Hmm, maybe The Artist’s Way just isn’t your thing. Maybe given it another try for 2 weeks or something and if it doesn’t click, then just let it go!
Can’t wait to meet you one day!
Hi! My name is Joanna, and I am so excited that I am not the only with crazy-worrying-about-kids syndrome! Isn’t it amazing how things are escalated and magnified when it comes to your children? I think mine has gone beyond worry to anxiety, so I could probably learn some things from Samantha P. (above). That was going to be my little known fact, but since it seems so popular, I’ll go with something else. How about this…I sang in the show choir and women’s a cappella groups in college, a fact that my husband uses as a source of endless teasing. I will now tell you a little known fact about my husband. He sang in an opera in TN when he was a child. So there!
I do not have a blog yet, but it should be up and running by the Spring, in conjunction with my launching a personal stylist business here in Richmond, VA (after 7 years of staying at home with my sweet kids). I have, so far in life, managed to avoid Facebook, but starting a business means delving into social media. I’m working on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram, wishing I could continue avoiding Facebook. I know I can’t.
I am so lucky to have known Rosie for many, many years (starting in middle school). Rosie is the kind of person who makes you feel like you are the most interesting person in the world. I really think she believes you are. All of you. I love that about her. I love so many things about her, including the amazing work she does! Rosie, nothing you have written has ever bored me to tears. I look forward to reading all of your posts, articles, books, etc!
I’m off to bed now. My husband is out of town, and I will put my son in bed with me tonight. I’m “worried” because he wasn’t really acting like himself today.
Jo, I love that you sang in show choir and the a cappella group. That’s awesome. And P singing in the opera? Stop it.
I really am so excited that you re launching a personal stylist business. Wish you could style me from afar. If something ever takes me to Richmond, I’m hiring you! And a truth: you can still avoid a personal Facebook page. I only have a professional Facebook page, and it is just the perfect happy medium. Just a thought.
Awww, you are just the sweetest. I feel pretty lucky to have know you for so long, too. I say things all the time that are from my Joanna days. For example, What kind of a question is that? Its a (burrito), of course it is good. I also remember us deciding once in high school that all we needed to complete a look was earrings. When I put in earrings, I often think about that.
Hope your little guy is acting more like himself today. Love to you both.
Qué pasa, Amiga! Soy Colleen, de Del Rio, Texas. Vivo en la frontera Texas-México.
Enough Spanglish. I know Rosie from Facebook. Somebody posted a link to one of your blog posts on body image, I liked it, and liked your FB page. I generally enjoy all of your blog posts that I read, but i’m only a casual reader. Any post about Happy usually makes my day, because my kids are all grown up, & I miss having little kids around. I love reading about the college class you teach. A little known fact? Depends on the audience, I suppose. I don’t blog, not really interested in writing that much.
I teach Physical Education at an all sixth grade campus. 750 sixth graders, nothing but sixth graders. I am paid to laugh and play all day. Yes, it is a public school, and I used to teach science on this campus, and I felt the same way then. I feel sorry for people who have to work with adults all day. That would drive me to drinkin’! I’m a glass half full, find a silver lining kind of person. Bloom where you’re planted, ladies!
Colleen, Hola m’ija!
Oh, I love that your school is just a sixth grade campus. There are probably a couple grades where that would be great (9th). But sixth graders are such a special, special group. They haven’t quite hit the hormonal craziness that really takes off in 7th grade and so there is something really still very dear and vulnerable, less self-conscious about them. I know you must laugh all day long!
And, yes, bloom where you are planted, indeed! So glad that you do and that you remind kids of that important truth everyday!
Our 9th graders ARE at their own campus, right next door to DRHS! The freshman teachers love it. Now THAT is a special group of teachers.
Hi Rosie,
My name is Bethany, or B but definitely not Beth (smile). I live in Portland, Oregon. The City of Roses, RipCity (Blazers), Stumptown (coffee), Nike-town, home of the tv show Portlandia and the land of foodcarts, Voodoo doughnuts, craft beer, rain, composting, hiking and everything green. Can you tell I LOVE this city?
I think I may be only west-coast follower who’s posted something here so far. Fun!
A little known fact about me is that I’m extremely shy and modest despite my gregarious, outgoing, vivacious personality. I’m learning to trust myself and others to show this more vulnerable side. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes not.
I am so grateful that I found your blog, you, your book Beautiful You and this community of women who remind me that I’m not alone. I have a near photographic memory so it’s odd that I can’t exactly pinpoint how our paths crossed. In Portland there is an amazing wellness space that I frequent (BeNourished.org) and they have flyers and information about intuitive eating, body trust etc. I think one day I googled information and came across Christine Inge’s blog (or maybe it was The Organic Sister or Mara Glatzel’s blog?) and she was RAVING about your book. That led me to your blog which led me to tears of joy, which sparked a hope within me which made me drive to the bookstore and buy BY and a new journal!
I have a blog that was the brainchild of an idea I had when I was unemployed in 2008. It’s called hiremeimawesome.blogspot.com and I love it. I haven’t updated it recently or very frequently over the years but I love to write and when I think something is a relevant topic I’ll share it.
The posts I love the most are the “this moment” posts of Happy. It just makes my heart smile. The posts I need the most and the ones that keep me coming back for more are all the other ones! Ha. Seriously though. There is always a take-away.
When I first started reading your blog I felt like we were soul sisters. In addition to the body image struggles, I too am bi-racial and experienced so many similar experiences you’ve described. So, it’s a blessing to connect with you and your amazing work. I hope to come join you one day for the workshops you facilitate with the horses and meet you personally. THAT would be so fun!
The only other thing I’d like to know is, who do you want to be in the Superbowl this year and who do you want to win? I want Ray Lewis and the Ravens to get there and I want them to beat the Falcons or 49ers because both those teams beat the Seahawks. So I guess I just said I want the Ravens to win.
Joy to you,
B
I am with you on Portland, Bethany. One of my BFFs has lived there (she’s a naturopath) for a long time and I LOVE Portland. After my first visit in high school, I thought that somehow I would end up living there one day. It’s in my top five cities in the US for sure.
I completely understand that dichotomy of being gregarious but also being more shy. People are shocked to learn that I am pretty introverted. Sometimes, I just have to remind myself to take that first step over my shyness because everything will be okay after that (and my insides know what to do, I tell myself).
I am so glad that the universe saw to it that we got connected and honored that BY has been part of your journey.
So did hiremeimawesome lead to a job? And what do yu do for a living (if you are comfortable sharing)?
Oh, I would love to have you here for a horse workshop. We are actually noodling with the idea of doing a long horse weekend retreat where it would make sense to fly in it for it because there would be 2.5 days of programming and it would really be a big event for an out of towner. It wouldn’t happen before the fall but I do so hope it happens. I think we have found an incredible place for it.
And now for the Super Bowl. Before last weekend, I really wanted the Seahawks vs. Ravens and would have been happy with either income. Now, I want 49ers and Ravens (it will be the brother bowl) and I will be happy with either winner with probably a slight edge to the Ravens (so if it is not both of these teams, I am pulling for either of these two teams who get in). I really wanted it to be a Manningless, Bradyless Bowl. Yeah, they are great quarterbacks but I just REALLY want some Superbowl team diversity. So, go Harbaughs!
Hey Rosie,
My blog didn’t specifically land me a job, no. But the “Hire Me! I’m Awesome.”fancy business cards I handed out during interviews may have set me apart from the rest of the candidates. It was a great conversation piece and always seemed to make people smile.
After 9 months of volunteering and 15 interviews I landed a job with a beverage distributor as a financial analyst. I really love my line of work and hope to transition into a leadership or management position soon.
Thanks for putting together this mixer. So great!
Cheers,
Bethany
Oh my goodness. If you gave me a Hire Me I’m Awesome business card after an interview, i totally would. Brilliant.
And that is awesome that you ended up with a position that you really loved. Good luck with that promotion!
I like this mixer idea 🙂
My first name is Kessia Reyne (KESS-ee-uh RAIN), and I live in Chicago, several states away from the Pacific Northwest where my heart still lives 🙂 I’m married to a fantastic man and I just started my PhD in theological studies. Little known fact? I danced ballet as a teenager. And I miss it!
I first came to your blog through a friend (http://heatherbo.blogspot.com) who spends a lot of her blog words on body image issues. I can’t remember the first post that I read here, but whatever it was, I loved it and subscribed immediately! That was a little over a year ago. I keep coming back because it speaks to the feminist idealist in me that cheers along with healthy body image messages and also the imbalanced person in me that from time to time loses her joy in the to-do lists.
I do have a blog (http://kreyne.blogspot.com) and it’s made up basically of short personal reflections, often religious in nature.
I especially like the posts that are about body conceptions and personal identity, posts that tell your own story, and short ones 🙂 I don’t think I’ve ever been bored to tears here.
And no, I don’t know you. Maybe one day!
Oh– and my word for 2013 is “persist.” La que persevera, triunfa.
By the way, I sent that post of yours to several of my friends. Now we all have words for 2013 and it’s cool to be able to check in on each other.
Oh, Kessia, I love Chicago. It is also in my top five favorite cities (Portland, Seattle, San Diego, Chicago, and Burlington, Vermont).
Very cool about your PhD. One of my dear friends has an MDiv in Theological Stories and a blog called HolyHellions.com. You might dig it. Would you like to be a professor one day?
How cool that you danced ballet– such a gorgeous dance form! Do you dance at all right now?
Persist is a LOVELY word for the year. And I love that you and your friends have each chosen a word for the year and can help each other find way.
So happy that we have been connected!
Hello hello to you!
My name is Kate Morris and I live in Rock Island, IL. We moved here when my now six-month-old daughter, Parker, was only 10 days old! My husband teaches Religious Studies at Augustana College and I was just hired as Associate Pastor at a Lutheran church down the road. I am originally from SC, and I so enjoy being with my family, most of whom are still down south. I dabble in cooking, photography, writing, and exercise (yoga, running, punching and kicking to some video or another in my living room).
I met Rosie when I was a student at Davidson College, and we reconnected several years ago when I started blogging about my experience with eating disorders and, more generally, being a woman in a world full of societal pressures to be thin, strong, lovely, smart, silent, sexy, funny, polite…at Thighs and Offerings (www.thighsandofferings.blogspot.com).
While that “chapter” of my life during which I most intensely suffered from eating disorders will never be completely in the rear-view – during the hard days, the lonely and stressful and seemingly endless days, I still find myself turning to food and, if I’m not careful, self-deprecation and self-destruction – blogging helped me work through so many of those issues in a positive and wildly affirming community.
For the time being, though, I have stopped blogging. Before I had a baby, my issues were mine. If people judged me, fine. Since then, my issues become part of who I am as a mother, too, or that’s how it feels, and because that part of my life is still so new and so vulnerable, I need it to be off-limits to the judgment of others. Does that make sense? I still think often about and work continuously toward health with relation to food and body image. And I still hope and pray that somewhere down the road my work leads me in the direction of positively influencing others with the same issues. (I pray this a lot, actually. I secretly hope to receive a phone call offering me the opportunity of a lifetime in the field of positive body image in a religious context in, oh I don’t know, Davidson, NC. Ha.)
I love the posts where you, Rosie, share a story about your life, your childhood, your family, or your work. I know you must think that’s most of your posts, and indeed it is. So, keep up the good work! 🙂 Nice to meet the rest of you!
Hello sweet Kate! Congratulations on your new gig! I hope that it is really a wonderful fit for you– how fortunate they are to have you. Your reason for not blogging right now makes complete sense– I so understand. That said, I encourage anyone reading these intros to go read Kate’s blog. Her post stand the test of time and are so insightful, encouraging and true. Keep putting those prayers out there, Kate. It could happen. And please give Dan and baby Parker my love. All my best to you, sweet friend.
Hi Rosie: We have been acquainted from a distance for a few years. We have overlapped on community projects. I have admired your work from a distance, so am trying to move in a little closer!
I live several small towns north of you. You know me as an artist, but a little known fact is that my husband and I also own a small farm further north. I am a great supporter of the environment and animals. It is both a wish and an active pursuit of mine to encourage awareness of nature – it’s amazing beauty, wisdom, and practicality.
I see many of you on this blog have children. I admire you and have enormous compassion for the issues you must face in raising children with love, wisdom, and protection. Since I don’t have children, I have decided that one of my roles is to personally support and protect animals – up close and personal. And also, I try to support women in their unique challenges and road to fulfillment.
I will enjoy seeing your posts. I wish you the best in the New Year ahead.
Hello Kathie! So happy to see you here. I want to know so much more about your farm. WHat kind of critters do you have, for example? I dream of farm life. Maybe one day!
I love your commitment to animals and to supporting women so clearly. Very powerfully said and I know you live it powerfully as well. Glad to have reconnected!
i like naive as an adjective in this instance, so much kinder than it could be. i need to add it to my vocabulary list.
smelling: the melon candle beside my bed, the smell of fresh oranges, rosemary (I made rosemary simple syrup for a cocktail)
seeing: my boys having art time together and working so patiently with each other. warms my heart.
hearing: the lumineers, “hey ho” and the repeating sound of my inner voice telling me that I am awesome and that I know everything I need to know and that faith in knowing i’m exactly where i need to be.
wishing/hoping: for good health for all my peeps in my house. i’m so over the flu bug!
Thanks for creating the space for this. I love it!
Just read your blog, I agree with what you mentioned. BTW, there is a suggestion here, sometimes we do not need to answer a question with an answer, for example, when the person asked “Why do you ask?”, we might question them back for example “What do you think? Why I ask?” with a smile on your face so that they do not feel offended. In this way, we can actually investigate the questioner’s reaction. =)
One thing I’ve done is to let myself off the hook for real cooking every night. Some nights are yoyo – you’re on your own. And I do like to make lots when I cook so that it lasts for lunch and/or dinner the next day. I like the idea of having the printed recipes. When I plan to use a recipe form Pinterest it really puts a kink in my productivity because I have to click all the way into my dinner board, get the laptop into the kitchen, and then I get distracted by my email and FB, etc. Printing would smooth all of that out.
Oh I love the yoyo idea, Adah. The other thing I should have shared is that we have a go to take-out meal we love (soup and salad from the nearby Greek place) and typically have that one night a week and the crock pot usually gets a workout one night a week to make a couple nights especially easy. I think having a take out order from a nearby place that is really cake is always good to have in your planning pocket! Yes, printing a Pinterest recipe when I am ready to use it is much, much better for me than having the laptop in the kitchen. Mainly, I am scared I will destroy my computer in the kitchen so printing is a safety measure.
so much to say! ruby’s naps were diminishing in quality and quanity and i found myself yelling at her (so helpful for getting ready to sleep, i know). i was feeling like a giant grump/failure, my kid was over stimulated, under-rested and kinda sassy.
so a few weeks ago i decided to just drive her around until she falls asleep and then i park in the shade and read. i felt bad about it at first and then realized it is what we need to do now in order for that girl to get some sleep and for me not to be such a grump.
Hello, I’m Cecile! I’m French, married to a wonderful Italian man, and we live in Germany near Stuttgart together with our daughters Delight 4 yo and Enjoy 3 weeks old.
The way I’ve found your blog is quite long: I’ve read a French book about “alternative education” -> found FlyLady, who helped me to get organized in my household by solving some personal issues (beginning with perfectionism) and therefore giving me more self-esteem -> heard from Sandy on BodyBliss who hosted a serie of interviews about body image and self-esteem -> there! an interview from you! -> I’ve bought Beautiful You, still working with it, it is so powerful!!! It was more a boost than only a support on the journey to myself! -> eventually I was curious to read your blog. And I love it!
I enjoy all of your posts, they touch me deeply! I love any mental exercize that support my inner growth.
I’ve made a long trip from perfectionist, in-a-hurry, always busy to self-knowing, self-loving and more aware.
The experiences I make with my 5 senses are very important to me.
I’m currently Pinterest-addicted. My thoughts are always in effervescence, coming up with new ideas, learning from any event. I slowly begin to use this source for my enjoyment, not only for my job or for problem-solving… and this truly fulfills me!
I’d like to work on being more present, being mentally fully here and now. I know you already have written posts about it, and I’ll read them again… If you have ideas for further exercizes, I’d be very glad!
I wish you all the best!
Greetings
Cecile, Happy new year and new baby! I’ve been thinking about you so much lately and was eager to see you pop back up so I could check in. I am thrilled that you and the family are doing well and I hope the adjustment is going as smoothly as it can.
I loved hearing how you found BY and the blog. And thank you for your kind words.
I, too, love Pinterest. It just makes me happy. And I love how you shared that your thoughts are always in effervescence. Wonderfully said.
And, yes, I will think more about being more present- always an important issue!
Glad you are back!
tasting: vanilla and chocolate chips cookies we made together with Delight. She loves to cook and bake, and make all kind of sensory experiences – it’s such a pleasure to spend these special moments with her! And the cookies are very good. Maybe a bit too sweet… I will adapt the recipe.
hearing: all of the so sweet noises a baby can make… my heart melts like chocolate every time.
smelling: coffee. I love this smell in the morning. A daily smell that makes me happy.
seeing: how Delight tenderly looks after Enjoy, hugs and kisses her, caresses her hair… it fills the whole room with love – just so wonderful!
feeling: very tired. And deeply blessed.
wishing/hoping: to find a way that makes mornings smoother.
Happy new year to you too Rosie! I wish you that this year brings you the flow you need!
My Word for the Year 2012 was quality of life. I made some improvements, step by step, in diverse areas of my life – and in my attitude!
My Word 2013 is Love. It sounds quite cheesy… but in fact it isn’t to me. With 2 children I have to focus on the essential… and this is love. If I don’t do things out of love, I am not on the right path. Love for my children, my husband, myself in the first place. It will link to a lot of little changes… like forgetting some points of my to-do list to enable making memories… become more patient… and getting daily sunshines (those moments I consciously spend as a gift of happiness for myself). Let’s see where it leads me!
my heart be still…. happy family day, friend. squeeze your boy extra for me and the rubes today. xo
Oh wow. What an amazing photo. Happy Day!
So beautiful! Happy Family Day!
this is so helpful! i have been having trouble getting my birthday list stuff done. in the summer it is pretty easy since i have the hubs home, but scheduling fun during the school year has not been as easy as i would like.
i need to better coordinate my lists. thank you!
tasting: a very sweet and flavoury pomegranate
hearing: some music from the “Barbapapa” cartoon films. And a music mix of favourite songs – I had totally forgotten about it. It draw a very big smile onto my face!
smelling: a body care oil made out of many essential oils, quite spicy.
seeing: poor sweet Enjoy suffering from colics. And an absolutely beautiful Leporello made by friends as a gift for Enjoy’s birth.
feeling: dare I say? still tired (surprisingly!). Also very happy for I did a very good job in the house in regard of the current circumstances.
wishing/hoping: looking forward to finishing Delight’s carnival costume, I totally enjoy the process!
Cecile, I am so sorry about E’s colic. I hope she (and you) gets some relief soon! And I don’t know what a Leporello is. I want to know!
Oh, and what will D’s costume be like?
Hi! I love that your problem is finding more time to read more. I find that I have the same issue along with by the time I read I start to fall asleep. Late evenings are never good for me but I do try to get in a 1/2 hour. Early mornings, perfect and great idea to read before plunging into the day’s work/fun/kids, etc. I took a long break from reading anything and now I’m back to my routine…yes love a good routine, keeps me sane and I don’t have to think so hard to figure out what I’m doing next 🙂 Love your blog!!
Would love to hear any great reads you come across (or recommend from past reads!), Terie. And thanks for your kind words. Glad we have connected!
I will. Please you do as well. Are you reading anything exciting now? I’ve been reading The Giver Quartet…trying to stick with it but life is still getting in the way. Also reading Breakfast with Buddah. Not sure what to expect yet.
I whole-heartedly agree that having “dangling” mail is hard to sleep on. I can’t do it without forcing myself to. Having said that, I have 10,349 messages in my Inbox! But in my defense, Gmail allows me to label my emails with custom tags, which I faithfully do (and makes for easy, easy retrieval). They don’t get put away into folders, but I can look at everything with a specific label all at once if I want to. I also use a feature that separates Unread emails out from the rest and presents them to me above the rest of the messages in my inbox, regardless of date received. If I read an email and want to keep it on my to-do because I haven’t addressed it yet, I mark it as unread and it stays in the list of unread messages at the top of my inbox. I don’t use the archive feature, because it seems redundant to the unread messages feature.
I also don’t have a huge number of emails that come to me each day. I can read them, process the information mentally, respond and/or tag them appropriately and go on with my other business without too much disruption.
I love Gmail, though. It is so intuitive for me.
Oh, Adah, that sounds like it is a perfect system for you. So you do all of your email through the Gmail web-based system as opposed to a system like Outlook? It sounds like you have come up with something that works really well and that is intuitive– I like that you are able to put unread on top and label something unread even if it has been read so you know to go back and do something about it. Thanks so much for sharing what you do!
Hi, Professor Molinary!
Thanks for the post! Email management has been something I’m struggling with this semester…I get so many emails a day it makes my head spin! I think the most important thing I did was set up a forwarding account–I was using one account for school, one for my internship, and one for my personal. Now, I just get them all in one place and can deal with them instead of having to log onto multiple accounts. Seems like common sense, I know, but I have been playing that game for a year or two now.
Also, unsubscribing from ads feels GREAT.
Carly, I LOVE this idea about setting up a forwarding account if you are juggling multiple accounts so everything lands in one place. Thanks so much for sharing. Miss you this semester!
SOOOO stinking adorable!!!!
Here, here! Saying no is a liberating and validating act.
Oh Goodness! How Do You Not Smile for Hrs after seeing that?? love this pic!
My friend, i love this blog! While it may have been a hard lesson to learn you ahve mastered it, especially the dropping the notes in the mail for friends part:-) In the process of learning “self-love” you make others feel special and good! Love ya!
I will engage in some self love by: drinking tea, drinking water, taking my dog on a walk, and enjoying a book.
first, let me go on record as saying i can’t think of anything sweeter or cuter than a child dressed in red gingham. happy looks adorable!
i can’t wait to try that pie recipe next week. thank you for sharing!
Tasting… spinach on Monday and a lot of chocolate all over the week.
Hearing… our voices singing two different tones, this evening, during our chorus rehearsal.
Smelling… five categories of French cheese during our lesson about our five senses.
Seeing… my wonderful son with his new haircut (very nice)
Feeling… serenity, hapiness.
Wishing/Hopping…I would like to end organizing my trip to London this Summer.
So very true on all points, Rosie; I love it! Yet another reason that Reality Shows like the ones you mentioned are a poor use of your time: studies have found that watching a show like Jersey Shore makes you dumber. It sounds like a ridiculous statement to make, but it’s really true — I’m not making this up! When you give a significant amount of your attention to something, you begin to become more like it. Whether you’re watching a show or hanging out with people who talk or act a certain way, you begin to find yourself unconsciously mimicking them. Watch enough episodes of Downton Abbey, for example, and see if you don’t start thinking with a British accent! And if you watch enough AFV, you start to expect any bicyclist you see to wipe out in some really messy way. I’ve witnessed the change in friends who watched JS — they became more argumentative and violent and even belligerent at times. They say that you become like the five people you spend the most time with; the same can be said for how you spend that time. Be mindful of where you put your time and energy, because your life will reflect it!
Hi Rosie,
I agree that we need a vision board as it helps us to define and focus on our hopes, goals and dreams 🙂
The Law of Attraction works, but reflects our dominant and most practiced thoughts. We can’t spend 5 minutes on a new thought and 23 hours and 55 minutes thinking the old thoughts and have anything change. A vision board will definitely help to get a positive focus all day long. I know that many people like digital vision boards, but I believe that a physical vision board will do better because it’s easier to keep it in a place where we always see it.
Tasting: delicious chocolate truffles
Hearing: blue and coal tits and blackbirds twittering
Smelling: the sweet babyskin of Enjoy
Seeing: snowdrops and crocuses, the first flowers of the year / Delight playing with other children / the very first smile of Enjoy, and the biggest one addressed to her big sis’
Feeling: a biting icy wind on my face immediately followed by the warmth of a sunshine… I love such contrasts! I cannot explain why, they make me feel deeply alive!
Also feeling delighted by the results of my weaning-off media-diet!
Hoping/wishing: that Enjoy’s nightrythm remain as good as it was this week!
I love the giant giraffe…I want one!
Good morning Rosie! Finally, I take the time to answer…
A Leporello is a kind of folded booklet in which you can put photographs. The one we received is absolutely gorgeous!
For carnival, the children could disguise on 4 days! Speak about happy children! On one day, they all had to be disguised as birds, as the name of the Kindergarten has something to do with birds. It was so great, 40 colourful children “flying” around, all different and everybody happy! A great symbol for beauty: they were beautiful because they were unique, and enriched the whole picture of their very own way…
And I was thrilled to create such a costume!
perks of being a wall flower is on my to read list. i saw the movie and SOBBED. it was so brilliant!
we might need to do a half birthday for ru too. she’s late december, so the holidays get in the way. plus it will be late june and who doesn’t love celebrating the end of school/beginning of summer?
mine list is ready for publishing tomorrow. thanks for the inspiration!
ugh. sick sucks. i hope you are feeling better soon, friend.
also, i can’t wait until ruby is old enough to play board games and cards. i’m tired of running, jumping and climbing all morning. every morning.
Oh so timely. Sunday nights are hard. I was busy and productive and happy all weekend, but as I sit here preparing for the week ahead, all I can think about is how there are sticky spots all over the kitchen floor and how the living room is littered with toys – both of which will remain this way until the morning when I may or may not clean up. So, a greatest hits list sounds wonderful. And just spending 10 seconds thinking about one or two accomplishments gives me a little rush. So . . . I won a grant this month – my first. I also built three frames for vegetable gardens all by myself this afternoon – I had to pull out the power tools to cut the lumber and screw them together and it felt really good. I’m going to try to create a list on paper, too!
Yay! Thanks!
Adah, I say let the floor and toys go. Meanwhile, let’s talk more about your grant. YOU GO, that is really incredible. And three garden boxes solo in one afternoon? Totally hardcore. I am pretty impressed with these accomplishments, too. Wear them proudly!
rosie, this picture made my heart sing! so beautiful and young and ahhh! the fashion.
i wouldn’t have been able to afford a suit either and i also had a rather non-conformist thrift shop chic a la andi from pretty in pink. i would have traded my non conformity for a full retail esprit de corps signature sweater at the time, but now not so much.
thanks for sharing this story.
Oh, this made me smile, Tami. Esprit de Corps was just the jam, wasn’t it? In fact, I remember saving all my babysitting money to buy an Esprit sweater for a school field trip and buying just the loudest most awesome sweater. A few years ago, someone posted it on Facebook and was like, “Rosie, what were you wearing?” Oh, my heart wept for that little girl who was so proud of that sweater and buying it for herself. Sometimes, when I think about going through that again with my boy, my heart catches in my throat. Be nice, world. Please.
This is incredible. Thank you for sharing this powerful post!
Love It.. thanks Ro
Homerun Rosie!! Love this so much I can’t share it with enough people.
I agree with this 100%.
But I wonder how to take what I know intellectually and embrace it emotionally. Because those two places (head and heart) are often miles apart.
I am a thoughtful, caring, attentive, and kind friend. (That’s what they tell me!) I am the biggest cheerleader for my friends, and I am always encouraging them to see the beauty (inner and outer) I see in who they are.
But I have been able to turn that on myself, never been able to love myself as I KNOW I need to. I believe it, I really do, in my head. But the mean girl in my heart still hisses, Not good enough! Not thin enough! Not pretty enough!
So sad. I hope one day to be able to embrace what I seem to so easily believe about others.
So true!
I love to have a look in your garden! You already have such big cabbages and salads? Wow! But hey – no wonder with your attentive and steady helper! My garden is still in winter sleep… I’m so looking forward to work there!
Oh, I wish this were our garden, Cecile. It is our neighbor’s garden and she invited us to help her with her winter crop. We just cleared our garden boxes for spring crops (our winter bounty was eaten by the bunnies). Fingers crossed that we figure out how to keep the bunnies at bay!
i love these all natural days. it is pretty easy for me make up wise, but i love me some hair products. i wish i could see before and after photos of the students.
You and me both on the hair product, Tami. And to be totally honest: I scheduled a hair cut for Thursday and now I am so (not quite but a little bit) bitter about the timing because I can’t preserve the blow out. Ha. Great idea about my students– some will be posting all natural pictures on Twitter under the tag #allnaturalday– I’ll try to remember to RT!
You are such an inspiration, Rosie. Thank you for all the good & important work you do in this world! I am proud to know you. xo
Aww, thank you, Anna. I find you pretty inspirational as well.
Goodness, am I odd. 57 years old, not a great beauty – reasonably attractive, a bit overweight. But with the exception of some nail varnish occasionally (and I admit I don’t wear glasses, so the temptation to contacts doesn’t apply) I have never used any of the things you are making such a statement about giving up. Maybe occasionally a little perfume, but I got bored with it. Hair products never – tried some gel once, found it sticky. Make up – I look like a clown. Always insist on a hair cut that doesn’t need blow drying. Dyed my hair for a couple of years, but didn’t like it. It’s not that I am some kind of puritan – care about my appearance, love clothes. But all that stuff – no thanks.
Ruth, thanks so much for sharing your experience. You are actually not odd at all! It is so interesting to be a college professor during this time of heightened image consciousness. I never thought to wear make-up when I was young and now only occasionally wear it but so many young women feel like it is mandatory and expected. What I hope the All Natural Day experience offers my students is a chance to go counter to the cultural expectation they currently feel in a safe, supportive, reflective space. I love how you listen to yourself and create a life filled with your preferences and desires. Now more than ever, we need that modeled to us. I hope you’ll keep sharing your experiences here!
love this face!
i am so sorry to hear about your dad and yet so glad to hear you finally have some answers.
Thanks so much, Tami. Here is to onward and always being present to the tenuous nature of life.
I am sorry that I totally missed out on this. I was in NYC for spring break and didn’t get the memo until too late last night. I will participate in my own All Natural Day next week! I think this is an important exercise, and I appreciate your bringing it up so that we can all remember that we’re good enough…always. As a person who is getting ready to start a business in personal styling, though, I disagree with just one part of one statement you made above. You stated, “Your abilities or confidence don’t change when your outfits or make-up do.” I totally agree about abilities, but I challenge the point about confidence. I am a firm believer that when we take time to care about our appearance, we can absolutely boost our self-confidence! That doesn’t mean that everyone “cares” the same way or has the same level of interest in fashion and style (if any), but if you walk out of the house in the morning feeling good about the way you look (including your clothing), your spirits will be lifted. Feeling good about the way you look generally means knowing a little bit about style and the way clothes fit on your body. It starts from the inside out, of course, so point taken! And agreed!
As someone who dressed up for every college exam, I so appreciate your distinction, Joanna. I think the point that I wanted to make was that no one’s sense of worth should come solely from how she is physically projected. Your style and make-up do not define your worth. But clothing and style for some people can indeed be the cherry on top of your self-expression (And for someone else the cherry on top might be something different). I have met so many people who believe that if they change their body or look that they will then be happy but happy is an inside job and that is really more of what I wanted to express. Thank you and so hope that I get to avail myself of your services one day! You are loved, sweet friend.
I wear my glasses as an accessory. I choose strong frames in bold colors. I actually feel less “natural” when I wear them than when I do my contact lenses.
Other than that, that’s me every day.
AB, Thanks so much for sharing. We have some spirited conversations about glasses vs. contact lenses in class. Some of my students feel like to be natural would be to wear their contacts and I absolutely see that point but I then ask them to answer why they wear contacts and if it’s about how they look, then it clarifies whether or not it is an enhancement or a sensory issue (someone people don’t like things on their face) or necessary because of activity (for example, I hate running in glasses and so on the days when I run, I am inevitably going to have my contacts in). Do you get your frames online or at your doctor’s office? If you have a favorite online spot, I’d love to know about it (I have some frames I love from Warby Parker)!
I wear contacts so I can see. It may have been a vanity issue when I was 15 (glasses were so uncool) but not so much anymore.
Online from Zenni Optical. I love Warby Parker frames but I would prefer to have more glasses and spend less on them because of seeing them as an accessory. And it’s something I got from my mom, she uses glasses in the same way. I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I hate wearing earrings.
Summer here when it’s sweltering I won’t wear glasses as often.
Wow. The timing of this is so uncanny. I have always thought that the opposite of love was hate, and because I hate my body, I will never be able to get to that opposite side – love. Recently I was introduced to the concept of greys – there are multiple steps between black and white – all shades of grey. Just like there are multiple steps between love and hate. Right now I’m working on moving from hate to tolerance…. I would imagine acceptance is the next rung 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The concept of grey is really, really important. I think aspiring to acceptance is a perfect next step, Purple Dreamer. So glad you visited and would love to see you again here soon! Take gentle care.
I’ve always thought that youth and (though I suppose some would disagree) “old” age are really great beauty products!
Omg, they are gorgeous. I have to imagine all the primping covers that up more than it “enhances”
What beautiful young women. Do they know how fortunate they are to have you as a professor? Though you’re clearly quite fortunate to have them as students, as well!
Every one of these young women is authentically, absolutely beautiful! Their testimonial is encouraging each of us to reflect on our true beauty.
Thank you Rosie, and Thanks to your students!
I wish your father to get better as far as possible! Also strength to all of your family and yourself.
tasting: self-made candied orange zest. We’ll dip it in dark chocolate to get a treat well-known in France.
hearing: the sound of wind in the pines, Enjoy babbling.
smelling: cinnamon.
seeing: Enjoy enjoying Delight, and Delight making a show for Enjoy.
feeling: simply happy! I would like to remember those simple and happy days forever.
wishing/hoping: to be as mindful as possible in order to make/live the best of each moment – even mindful rest!
So much beauty! All I see is clean, pretty girls and so many glasses. I LOVE it!
Thank you Rosie. I need this today as I struggle to find the strength to pick my heart, which is in a thousand pieces, and keep moving forward. Again thank you.
Yvonne, I am so sorry for your current heartache. I am sending love and healing light your way.
Great post and great reminder, Rosie! It’s making me think about what I have time for, but not all the time in the world for (so I better get moving).
That is EXACTLY WHERE I CRY, too! As soon as the first note is uttered from the soloist’s mouth and the sun rises.
We have just started watching clips of the Lion King on youtube. We all love it. Now we clearly need to see the whole thing in person!
Dear Rosie,
Lovely, inspiring blog! And thank you for the link to my etsy shop! I’m working on a new art endeavor involving goddesses and metal doodles and hope to open a new shop on etsy called “Nest of Stillness” that will be all about yoga, spirit, fun and products reflecting that. It looks like there is a link to my blog about it. Thanks!! Nancy Vala
um, did you make homemade peppermint ice cream?
Love this! I’m currently reading the Junot Diaz book. So far, so good!!
I listened to it as an audiobook with Junot reading, and he’s got such a distinctive voice and delivery that I just loved it. Hope it reads as fabulously!
Book lists may be my favorite thing in the world. Love seeing what you are reading and picking up some ideas for some new reads.
What are you reading these days, Nikki?
i am currently reading buddhism for mothers, followed by buddhism for mothers of young children and buddhism for mothers of school children. a theme? yes. also a collection.
reading lots of small business books and yoga for back pain.
I love love love Marisa de los Santos’s Love Walked In and Belong to Me. When I saw Falling Together at the store I picked it up no questions asked, but I’m finding the beginning a little difficult to get into. I put it down for a little while to see if it was just timing. So instead I’m reading Jane Eyre. Other than that, I’ve been reading a lot of popular fiction lately though. I like the happy endings. 🙂
I’m with Nikki — book lists are one of my joy triggers, so thanks for sharing yours! I’m currently reading Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead and Deepak Chopra’s Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul. I just finished a lovely little froth of a novel called Elegance, by Kathleen Tessaro and Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s lyrical-as-sunset-through-apple-blossoms Language of Flowers. Now I’m cruising for another good fiction read!
Joanne and Deborah, one book that I really liked that was frothy and just clever and happy was Wife 22. Also, I am really liking Liane Moriarty. I think I will ultimately read everything by her this year. I have Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s book on my list and will add Elegance. And, Jo, I think that if I were reading Falling Together, I would probably have a hard time, too. It feels denser– word-wise- than her others. Since I am listening to it, it’s fine but I see your point!
omg i would have loved to play on something like this when i was a kid.. ok who am i kidding id still play on it ;-D
This is really beautiful & I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
This is the best advice I have found and I have scoured the net. I am also in a bad place right now after a very emotional breakup of 12 years. The pain is beyond words, but I have to find a way and wisdom from others who have gone through these feelings. So, thank you. 🙂
my thoughts are with you, Dani, as you move forward.
I look forward to reading your blog every single day. Your passion for life, positivity and the importance of being a champion for others is so beautiful.
The story about your experience with your counselor hit me really hard. For anyone in a position of influence and guidance to take your goals and vision for yourself and smash them at such a tender age is so infuriating, I started crying. Why don’t we do more to tell people “YES!” Yes, you can grow up to be just about anything on earth, yes you can change careers midstream, yes you can redefine your life and path at any age, yes you can make a difference in someone’s life, YES. What does it take way from us to give a little light to someone else!?
So thank you. Thank you for sharing, for inspiring and for making an enormous difference in many lives.
Oh, Andi, thank you for this message. What a lovely, generous gift and your timing could not have been any better. I am a little worn around the edges right now and your comment reminded me of my why and gave me buoyancy that I am so grateful for– thank you. Yes is indeed a powerful word– and one we need more of in our world!
I loved this post Rosie. I read it and it reminded me of my commitment to my many dreams. One of them being to write and finish my own book. I have been working with my life coach, Julie Parker for the last six months. It has been a wonderful time of self-discovery. On the very last session we had together. I mentioned to her that I “one day” wanted to write and illustrate a book for young latina girls. She told me about your work and guided me to your books. I can’t wait to read them. Today is my “one day” I stand firmly committed to writing one more page for that dream. I understand now that in doing this, each time I am celebrating it already written, already whole in my hands. I am bringing it forth one page at a time. xxx
Oh, Sofia, thank you so much for sharing your dream with me- and for venturing out into your one day so that you may share the product of your dream one day with many wonderful young women. Keep bringing it forth, my friend. The world needs your story and art. So happy to have connected (and a deep thank you to Julie for making that connected)!
L.O.V.E this!
One day, I’ll sew clothes. So far I have “played” a bit with the sewing machine… Thanks to your reminder, I save 5 hours next week for sewing.
One day, I’ll be able to surf again. I was on a pretty good way last year before my pregnancy. Now I have to rebuild a lost of muscles. I’m moving forward, babystep-wise.
One day, I’ll do all of my post cards by myself. I make an appointment with myself on Saturday.
And last but not least: One day, I’ll ask Rosie for her authorization to translate Beautiful You into French. So here I am…. I am not a graduate translator at all, I only wish to give BY to friends of mine who do not speak English. I don’t know if this would be a problem for you or due to legal terms? I really want to make only a private use of this translation. As I would do it “for fun”, it will take me probably years before I finish the job….
his smile kills me.
also, that chef’s outfit is amazing!
That is awesome! Love his outfit and his smile!
I love this! Thanks for sharing.
I LOVE this post for so many reasons! The whole idea about looking back when your commitment is finished and admitting that it was fun and “fix your attitude, girl” is spot on! I have recently felt bogged down with volunteering, but I am actually becoming pretty good at saying “no” these days. The thing I struggle with, though, is that I am rarely asked to do anything I feel super-passionate and “wholehearted” about. Yes, occasionally I am asked or I seek out those opportunities, but am I wholeheartedly volunteering monthly (or more) at my son’s preschool cutting out gingerbread men and monitoring the science room at Open Time? I am not. I love being with my son that day, but I am not a preschool teacher for a reason. The list of examples goes on. And if I’m honest, if I only volunteer for things that I can’t wait to do and love, love, love, I don’t do much volunteering at all. Then I feel terrible for being of no help to those who, for example, teach and love my children everyday when I’m at home eating bonbons (a joke, of course). I guess I can read between the lines a bit and, instead of thinking of gingerbread men, consider my passion for the goodness of our preschool and what it has done for our family, and therein lies my passion. I just talked myself through it…thanks, Rosie;)
love love love this… our boys would sooo be friends.. Ill txt U a pic of Luke in his Chefs gear
This was right on time for me Rosie. Not only am I the yes girl, but I also sign myself up to lead things that I should consider delegating. I’ve caught the ambitious bug and it seems to keep growing. I will take some time to re-evaluate the commitments I’ve made and see what opportunities I have to reduce my overflowing list. Thanks for sharing your insight!
Rosie, your blog is so powerful! I love to start my day reading your latest post and sipping a cup of my favorite green tea. I remember you posting this before but I really stopped and absorbed your words this time. I got stuck on the same question as Jennifer Garner’s character. A few of my do over’s:
1. Getting sucked into a group of the wrong people. Now that I am older, I realize how impressionable I was my senior year of high school. For some reason, the good girl in me snapped, and I slowly became a person I did not like. I hung out with the wrong crowd and started drinking. It’s hard to forgive myself for that.
2. Not following my true voice. It takes me longer than most to truly decide how I feel about something and to be confident with that.
3. Not saying yes enough but also not saying no enough.
I try to remind myself that my past does not dictate my future. It can be hard to remember sometimes! Thanks for the reminder that we can be our own solution to our problem.
Oh, Emily, I am honored that we start the morning together. Thank you for being interested and sharing some of your own journey; it helps me with my own.
You are absolutely right that your past does not dictate your inform– although it can be a powerful informant- leading us to growth and more and more of who we want to be and what we want for ourselves.
Here is to being our own solutions and holding ourselves in that light!
Tasting: grilled asparagus wrapped in bacon – crisp outside, soft and juicy inside.
Hearing: Enjoy laughing while she was sleeping.
Smelling: the soil of our garden. I so missed it this winter!
Seeing: flowers blossoming, and the first, tender green of radishes in our garden.
Feeling: pain while being massaged and gratefulness that my aches could be handled within a short time.
Hoping/wishing: to savoure this week with my husband at home and the 2 girls.
Oh my goodness, Cecile, how sweet that Enjoy laughed while she slept. That would make my week! Your Friday reflections sound wonderful. And I had a crazy couple weeks which left me more silent than I meant to be. I received your lovely question about translating BY. What a humbling honor! I have no idea the rules involved either and if you want to just do it for friends, I don’t even think the rules apply. When you are ready, let me know and we’ll figure things out. Just know that you’ve made my year with such a lovely request!
I love, love, love the story about Happy’s big news! That is one neat kid you have there! I know you were tickled pink!
Thanks so much, Kip. It really was quite sweet!
This post has inspired me! Time to schedule May fun. Next time you’re in Charlotte, try Good Food on Montford. And Wolfgang
Puck’s new place. Great date atmospheres.
Yes, yes, May fun is a must! And thanks for the good food (couldn’t resist the pun) suggestions!
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. Some of the things you enjoyed were so simple, and it’s awesome that you take just a little time to remember them. The quick happy moments sometimes get lost in the chaos. I want to start revisiting these things each month, so thanks for the inspiration! And the part about Happy getting Pink made me cry. Seriously. Great job, Happy!
It has been such a good exercise for me, Jo. Sometimes the things I love are a new product I have found or a new fun item purchased and sometimes there are just things that happened as we went through life. Either way, it grounds me in being grateful and finding the silver lining. And thanks for the cheers for Happy. It really was sweet (and thrilling!).
Thrilled for Happy! May he always keep a soft spot for others and for making what starts out as a great day better!
I’m in CLT-try Soho Bistro in Uptown. Chinese food done right, amazing service and they will tweak any recipe for you. Yum! Also try Heist Brewery- Interesting Gourmet Bar food with such unusual flair in Noda.
Thanks so much for the good Happy wishes, Andi. And those words are, indeed, my prayer for him. Thanks so much for the restaurant recommendations. Can’t wait to check out both places!
Fran’s Filling Station off Park Road in Charlotte is delicious!
Love your April stories, and so happy for Happy. 🙂
Inspired by you (as usual), my April list is below. 🙂 Hope to see y’all soon!
Oh, thanks for the recommendation! I am putting it on my list. Can’t wait to see your love list!
I really liked the phrase she said there at the end. Our bodies are made to be living, not looked at!
I love that last quote. So many people should remember that, including me!
I absolutely agree with her about the need for media literacy.
My main goal in going without mirrors for a year was to reduce the extent to which my appearance was dominating my time, my thoughts, and my checkbook! I didn’t set out to feel “more beautiful” but, rather, to stop conflating my looks with my entire sense of self. <— YES!
The yoga studio where I work doesn't have mirrors and until recently, not even a mirror to check if you had spinach in your teeth! – and the freedom from comparison and negative self-talk has done wonders for my self-image and self-acceptance. Who knew taking away a mirror would be so helpful?
What struck me was Kjerstin’s interest in making her behavior/life congruent with her values. That’s a quest I’m continually on, too!
Wow. This is a great line: “My most important lesson was learning how to accept a compliment. This involved a rethinking of what it means to trust. For most of my adult life I’ve struggled to trust people when they compliment me, especially when loved ones complimented me. My reaction was one of suspicion, imagining that the person was only saying nice things to me because they loved me.” So much of our issues about appearance seem to be bound up in fear–it’s interesting to me that she pinpointed trust as one of her main concerns.
I would tell this young woman that she is not alone. That clothes off the rack do not fit many of us. This is about manufacturers and clothes. It does not mean that there isn’t thing wrong with her or me, or anyone else who has trouble finding clothing that fits.
I would also suggest she look at stores where one can buy bottoms and tops separately for bathing suits. I haven’t been able to comfortably wear a one piece bathing since I was 12 or 13 years old when my bust suddenly jumped from normal preteen barely thereness to a size DD. I have hated my breasts. I have hated the fact that there is so much clothing that I can no longer wear. I hate how much more difficult and expensive it is for me to find beautiful clothes that fit well. For a long time I didn’t swim or even own a bathing suit. Since them I have discovered Tankinis. They are separates for bathing suits that when worn look mostly like a one piece suit. For me bikinis were never really an option for many reasons including the fact that most bikinis lack support for a large bust.
I wish when I was a young teenage someone had told me it was ok that nothing fit. That it didn’t mean that I was fat or unlovable. That the only thing it meant was that clothing manufacturers were unaware or unwilling to address the fit issues that plague many of us.
Well said, Amy. When we discuss clothing sizes in body image class, it is always a topic filled with angst about what individuals have experienced in a fitting room or because of clothing and then relief that clothing really isn’t easy to wear for most anyone. Just knowing that ready made clothes offered in 10 different sizes or so don’t account for all the nuances in bodies can really allow women to forgive themselves (for nothing they did wrong) and begin to shop, try, tailor with their own bodies in mind as opposed to what they think their bodies should be. I so appreciate your sharing your great insight!
I am looking forward to hanging out with you some day. This is some seriously good stuff.
I am looking forward to hanging out with you some day. This is some seriously good stuff.
aww, thanks! And I am looking forward to hanging with you. We must make it happen!
Love this post – it’s spot on! What’s so interesting to me is we only hear what’s said, “Have you lost weight?” It’s all the other things left unsaid that speak so much louder – if we take the time to listen. Thanks for sharing!
Lisa, you are right; the things unsaid and the things unsaid that aren’t about us at all, actually. Thanks for that good reminder!
This is SO great and important, Rosie. Thank you for sharing this! I love the tips and examples you give.
xoxo, Anna!
My husband and I have been calorie counting for over a year (380 days I believe at last notification on My Fitness Pal) – he has lost 70 points and I’ve lost 30. We did it for the children, to be healthier and make better choices but we’ve both learned that we really need the counting/tracking to keep us honest. The effect on the kids though is not unnoticed by us. They ask to weigh their food since we do and we tell them that they know how to stop eating when their bellies are happy but Mommy and Daddy need help knowing when to stop. We also exercise regularly and the kids see that and know that is part of being healthy as well. So I really appreciate your focus in the imagined dialogue on health. Most people that ask us about our weight loss ask what we’ve been doing so I haven’t had to explain any “you look great” type remarks so far. Really appreciate your post and thoughts!
Homa, it sounds like you all have come up with just the right replies and it is so good that you are openly answering their questions. Ultimately, I love that you are modeling self-care to your kids– what a great lesson that they are seeing their parents prioritize themselves and their needs.
“Many moms fail to realize that our children already think we’re beautiful.” That line jumped right off the screen at me. Great post. No one ever asks “Have you gained weight?’ I don’t see why people can’t just reverse that to get the logic that – as you’ve taught me – bodies are off limits for conversation.
GREAT point, Michelle. It is just that clear!
What a powerful & timely message, Rosie! Sadly, I just had my first experience as a Preschool Psychologist with a kid this week (5 years old) that was referred to me for trying to make herself sick after she eats. This beautiful little girl said, “I don’t want to be fat.” Heartbreaking that a child’s self image is so low after only 5 short years…If we as positive female role models explicitly teach the standard for what beauty is really about, maybe this little girl and others just like her will learn to love themselves for the size of their heart and character, instead of their waistline.
Oh, wow, Angela. That is heartbreaking (although it is, sadly, a lived example of everything that is being said in research. I am glad that she has you in her corner. And, yes, we absolutely need to do better to prevent other girls from feeling that way!
When a discussion comes to “weight loss”, I definitely re-adress it “No idea how much I weight! I just eat as I am hungry, and I feel fit, that’s all what matters to me” and I just change to any other topic….
At the moment my daughter and her cousin (both 4,5 years old) are really struggling with such “beauty” issues.
Delight feels mad when somebody says her sister is pretty fat. I try to explain her that fat and beauty are two different kind of things, and yes her sister is fater than she was, which is absolutely sane, even important.
Also the issue of beeing different from her sister. “Owww, how cute and beautiful Enjoy is! Did Delight as a baby look like her?”. And Delight feels suddently, well, not that beautiful….
My answer: “No she doesn’t. Each of our daughters is unique, and both are totally beautiful.”
Delight’s cousin doesn’t feel good – other girls at her Kindergarten told her that she is not beautiful “because I don’t have a round face”. I was horrified…. I tried to explain her that it is wrong, she’s beautiful. It is good that we are all different, the world would be pretty annoying if we would be all the same. That’s exactly like a rainbow, where each colour is important and beautiful. Her mother already spoke to the educators, in order for the issue to be adressed.
As children in this age are looking for “good examples” to follow, it makes them very vulnerable in front of all the “beauty” talk or “beauty” show. A media diet is not only good for the big girls and moms, but definitely also for young girls!
Apropos, does anybody knows if there is a “beautiful” princess that is NOT stereotype? This would be a great help!
Nice strategy, Cecile! And you have handled the girls’ questions and comments so well. I am no Princess expert– but there is a book you might find interesting: Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein. Sending you love across the way!
I am willing to give up the notion that failure and success are the only options. It’s too black and white. Looking at my life’s experiences as a failure or success prevents me from seeing the million things that go into what made each experience successful or simply something that needed refocusing, tweaking or abandoning all together. I’m missing out on so many lessons because I’m busy beating myself up for a failure I refuse to let to of. Believing if I let it go somehow, it was in vain. In actuality I made a choice to discontinue a path that was no longer serving my greater picture, and long before I gave up on this path officially I had given up in spirit. As long as I see this decision as a failure, I cannot push onto my next chapter. As long as I beat myself up I cannot accept that I deserve another chapter. As long as I torture myself, I live in a past that wasn’t serving me when it was my present and it serves me even less as my past.
Oh, I love this realization, Andi. So very powerful. What I like to say about my “failures” is that nothing is really good or bad, success or failure, it is all just information. And you are right, if your energy goes into beating yourself up, there is none left to propel you powerfully forward. Here’s to a future of all sorts of possibilities.
Last word should be future not past. You get the idea.
tasting – homemade cilantro lime hummus and almond crackers
hearing – birds, birds everywhere, finally after a long long IA winter
smelling – freshly mowed grass
seeing – my 23 year old son as a handsome man, so grown up
feeling – antsy, unsettled….
wishing – for peace in the world and peace in my heart
that hummus sounds incredible, Chris. And I am loving the birds right now, too. Wishing you peace; may it feel manifested within soon. Happy weekend!
I randomly found your site via Google images.
My first thought is that you are sourcing material…scratching the surface with a glass of wine in hand so…
Second thought (as I am struggling with regret) is what do we regret…blah blah school, blah blah choices, blah blah adopting. (note we can not have children also).
I regret not having the insight, the wisdom…getting caught up in the moment and not thinking about the regrets…yet I do not regret making the decisions that have made my life most enjoyable…those moments that make time as without moments time just passes.
Not sure what I am trying say…just trying to understand my regret after my mothers passing.
Thanks for the space to air.
AMAZING post, Rosie! I love what you shared and will continue to think about beauty, body projects, and the true messages of advertising thanks to you and your blog.
happy looks thrilled!
vegan rigatoni bolognese? recipe please!
How great — yay for Happy!!
Yes! I love Sally! What a fantastic post!
Wowza. This one hits home.
I completely understand, Adah, and I am sending you so much love and light as the pace picks up with the end of the school year approaching. Here is another post you might like: http://teachergoesbacktoschool.org/2013/05/28/the-secret-to-being-a-happy-classroom-teacher/
And come back tomorrow for more on this!
Waiting with bated breath and sharing the love!
Rosie, your blog is a breath of fresh air!
I bought your book BEAUTIFUL YOU and love, love it. At the age of 64, I am still struggling with body issues, and this book has been a knock on the side of the head to start living NOW. Yep, I still think ‘maybe I will do that when I lose 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc., but it’s never too late to stop that destructive thinking.
Thank you for your wisdom and humor–your hammock story is a hoot!
Blessings,
peggy
Oh, Peggy, I am so glad that BY found its way to you and that it has been helpful to you on your journey. You are right– it is never too late to change your patterns and I am excited about you starting to do all those things you have been waiting to do NOW. Enjoy (and please share!).
Glad you enjoyed the hammock story. We are still SO embarrassed, but all we can do is laugh at ourselves.
Look forward to seeing you around here again soon!
A great article! It really hits home for me too. I find that it’s a process of learning how to be comfortable in a place of ease. I definitely still struggle with it, but now instead of “Why do I feel so tired?” I ask, “What do I need now?”.
Rosie, I love your reflections on the senses! Beautiful You (which I am diving into–cannot, no way, read by the day) reminds me as well to live in the moment, not to wait until things are perfect to revel in life, and simply to feel. Smelling like coffee beans sounds delightful.
Your son is beautiful–I have read past posts, and you are an amazing mama,author, and teacher! Thank you so much for writing this book and this blog.
Blessings,
Peggy
Thank you so much, Peggy. These reflections have been so good for me for those very reasons- savoring the day, realizing that a lot of the dailyness is good, even in its simplicity. And thank you for your kind words. Plenty of days I am not necessarily my best self as a mother, writer, and teacher but everyday I try and I ground myself in the truth that the journey itself is the goal. Thank you so much for being here and sharing life with me. Happy new week!
My minimum self-care list…
– eat healthy food
– drink water
– at least one shower per day
– one manucure per week
– a haircut every two months
– have good time with the ones I love
– read every day
– enjoy moments outside in my garden
– gardening
Marie, This is a great list. Is your garden a flower garden or vegetable garden? What is blooming/growing these days?
Hi Rosie, my garden is a flower garden. I live in France, near the Mediterranée sea. So, it’s hard to keep the grass green. These days, lavender, roses, daisies are blooming 🙂
Sounds beautiful and fragrant!
Agreed! And hello, Rosie 🙂
Hi Rosie, this is a very useful exercise, as I have both CFS and depression (although fairly high functioning). Having written it out, I realised that I do manage almost all of them, and that’s a good thing
So glad you did this exercise, Erika. What were some of the things on your list? Hope you have a great weekend!
8-10 hours sleep
Walk a dog daily (2 dogs and it’s a short walk, but we all love it)
Regular hairdresser (total hedonism, includes a deep conditioning treatment)
Hand cream daily and weekly manicure
Home made skin cream with lots of essential oils
See a friend once a month
Sit outside at least 5 minutes a day
5 minute meditation
Stretches
Cuddle spouse
Laugh at dogs
At least 30 minutes uninterrupted with a book
At least 2 tall glasses of water or herbal tea
Home cooked healthy food
No more than 2 coffees
Play in the garden at least once a week
tasting: a delicious, marinated and grilled lamb roast. A lot of asparagus (risotto, with smoked trout, etc…). The first cherries, peaches and apricots this year.
hearing: Delight’s hearty laugh and Enjoy’s cute little one… Birds singing. A very good conversation with Delight about having the courage to stand up for our beliefs.
smelling: it’s finally so far: my roses are blossoming! I so love their gorgeous smell!
seeing: Delight and Enjoy “playing together”. Enjoy’s great development – she now grabs anything she can and put it in her mouth, so we have to be careful but it is so funny.
feeling: simply happy and grateful! and tickled/curious at how my professional future could look like. Also thrilled by Passion.Purpose.Plunge to go virtual!
wishing/hoping: to go further babystep-wise into my reflexions/actions about my future. To still be able to savoure any moment with my husband and children!
Cecile, Oh, I just love risotto! Your variations sound delicious! And what a powerful conversation that must have been with Delight; good for you, mama and good for Delight! Glad you are enjoying the time you have with your family right now and eager to hear your plans for the future when the time is right!
Yeah! Just reading it makes me so happy! Thank you so much for this offer!
I have a few questions:
– About your availibity, due to the different time zones. As for me, I live +6 hours from you. What are usually your availibilities in term of days/time?
– How to proceed for payment? I mean, does it work per bank transfer? or per PayPal or something equivalent?
I’ll also have to check our finances and convince my husband – hope I can do it!
And reading that makes me so happy, Cecile! As for time, I can start as early as 8:30 am EST which would be 2:30 PM your time. And I can finish as late as 9 pm EST (so that session would start at 6 pm EST) although I don’t think that time would be ideal for you! So, if you are able to do mid-afternoon through evening your time, I should be able to make it work. I typically do weekdays. And,yes, I bill through PayPal. Let me know if you have any other questions!
(I yearn to live in a 50 to 70 degree year round climate. Do you know where that place is? Please tell me)
I live in such a place. Redwood Country on the northern California coast. Check it out on a map. Eureka, Arcata, McKinleyville, Trinidad, Crescent City. Downside is frequent fog. If fog doesn’t bother you, then you are all set. 70 here is a hot day!
Good to know, Chris! What are the lows there in the winter?
First, I must admit I am a Graphic Designer working heavily in Photoshop for commercial work (although not with the fashion industry)..and its for THAT reason that I hate Photoshop for the overall artificial quality that has become the norm.!!
My personal response, has been to put together a book of my own “point-and-shoot” photography of inspirational moments, with NO Photoshop (other than some colour correction)
Keep up the interesting blog!!
Wow! This is amazing! I am fortunate enough to be a mother to a very sweet and kind, but highly sensitive 7 year old. I am going to start talking about this with her now! And, best of all, I am going to pledge this to myself. Couldn’t have come at a better time as just this morning, I was writing down phrases that I am going to repeat to myself until they stick:
I AM smart.
I AM driven.
I AM good enough.
I DO deserve what I have and more.
I DO deserve to be happy.
I CAN make a difference.
I AM worthy.
Thank you so much for posting!
Jennifer
Jennifer, So glad that this blog post found you at just the right time! And I love that you are so cognizant of your daughter’s needs and are being so intentional with how you parent here. Having these conversations everyday in little ways make such a long term difference. I also love that you are working on all these things for yourself– and really claiming your greatness- it is a game changer for experiencing life and modeling those things is an incredibly powerful lesson for our children to see. Hope to see you around here again soon!
… and Passion.Purpose.Plunge definitely does!
tasting: Tasty strawberries from our garden. A Wow-of-a-kind chocolate birthday cake. A refreshing rice salad.
hearing: Delight telling me a racist comment from another girl, and asking me what it means. It made me so sad. I cannot believe that this girl knows what she says – or does she only want to provoke, like saying cuss words? It was once again the opportunity to speak together about difference as mutual enrichment.
Also hearing from Delight’s fear from the hospital, though she doesn’t need to go. The topic is present at her Kindergarten, and it is so abstract for her, so threatening. So a good discussion about hospitals helping people, Delight having had surgery but not remembering, and for the first time Delight noticed my big scar on the knee – and the way I am totally comfortable with it, not fearing to speak about it or to wear skirts.
smelling: freshly cut grass and wild flowers.
seeing: Delight and Enjoy playing, laughing and cuddling – something quite usual now, but it still boosts my hapiness every time. Very happy little girls at a birthday party, just happy to be together and not because of gifts or so.
feeling: A bit tired today. Feeling good with the weather becoming fresher. Excited about Delight’s Kindergarten Summer Party in July – the theme is “our world”, and Delight’s group prepares something about Africa. So we will cook together African dishes at home, we read stories taking place in Africa, we speak from people we know who were there.
Also feeling excited, as I proposed to the (German) Kindergarten to read once a week stories in French, and the feedback was very positive, so I begin on Tuesday!
wishing/hoping: for a relaxing week-end, with such a good weather as right now!
Wow! I really LOVE your comment that “perfect is such an incredible fallacy that imperfect is, too”. I have never thought about it that way. That changes everything. I love your perspective. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for re-publishing this post! It was much needed today. 🙂
Done! 🙂 I hope my responses were helpful! Always love reading your blog posts, Rosie!
Hi Rosie,
I filled out your survey and had fun doing it. Today was my “Catch up on Rosie” day which I try to do at least once a month. Sometimes more. As always, I’m inspired…yes, even your survey has inspired me! You have such a gift!
Best,
Glynnis
I filled out the survey and am looking forward ( as always) to your beautiful writing that inspires and moves me!
Rosie, thank you for you generosity. Please, keep writing for us!!!
I filled out the survey, Rosie! Thanks for asking!
Okay! Survey DONE! But I already have both your books just an arm’s length away — one of which was the first thing I ever won on-line! — so please share the wealth with one of your other readers! 🙂
Rosie, you are an inspiration and I am filled with gratitude for the many ways you shine in the world. Thanks for asking for feedback.
Hey there! I filled out the survey. Really looking forward to any and all of the activities you have proposed. Thanks for doing what you do!
I took the survey! Thanks for asking!
Done! Thanks for asking!
hehe I love the title of our condition. I’m definitely in the first category. Now that I have a smart phone? It’s all about resist resist resist. Morning pages over checking my email. Deep breathes over checking my social media. But some days are rougher than others.
More than a plan on how to deal with the condition is dealing with the feelings around it. For me, it’s about the feeling of needing to do something. So I try to acknowledge the feeling and put it down. Being gentle with myself.
I’ve done the beating myself up about it, and not only doesn’t it work, it just makes me feel horrible.
Katie, I am so glad that I am not alone! And, you are right, step one is all about dealing with what it is (the feelings) that make you go all bright, shiny object syndrome– are you bored, are you compelled to work, work, work, do you have a hyped up sense of responsibility that makes you feel like you should answer something just as soon as you get it, are you looking for distractions, etc. Figuring out why you go all bright and shiny surely is a first step in going a little less bright and shiny in the future. And I totally agree– so, so good to discover the feelings but the feelings are just information. They aren’t good or bad, just information about how you are in the world, and not some judgment about your worth. Thank you so much for sharing your good thoughts! It adds such a good layer for moving through BSOS!
That’s me! Being hit by an idea for the coming event (usually in 6 months or later), and completely forgotting today’s home chores…
I use a timer for a first 5 min. brainstorming and take notes. During the day, when I have new ideas around this first one, I note them and get back to them when I have a break (with timer) or at the end of the day. Even when I tend to re-start my timer, after three re-starts, I definitely become conscious of time flying.
And when I tend to make too many breaks (oh, it will only take 2 minutes…), I shut my computer down – it takes more time to switch in on, so I’d think twice if I really, REALLY have to do a break NOW.
The timer suggestion is fabulous, Cecile– and you are right, just shutting the computer down means you have to intentionally turn it back on. Great idea!
Thanks so much for this article. I can relate to your 2d break up at 23. Exactly the same circumstances only I am 24. We were at Univeristy together and broke up because of work and long distance. We were madly in love, and dated for almost 3 years, but unfortunately because of work for the next 2 years, it was impossible for us to be together. The last 6 months have been difficult because just don’t talk anymore, and I’ve lost an important part of me. But your article gives me so much hope. Although I’m still bleeding inside, I’m now confident it’ll get better.
I am wishing you all the best on your journey, Ben. I know how hard it is but I also know that every day brings healing. Take care of you!
Happy to do the survey, thank you for all you do.
such a handsome boy.
Rosie – I completed the survey, and I applaud you for making it! You are motivation personified!
XOXO
Jo
I love this. Ironically, not so very long ago I was thinking about my older sister, Cheri. She’s two years older than I and 3 inches taller. She was always long and lean in high school and I was curvy with some muscle. I sent her a message one day telling her that I always thought she believed she was prettier than I… with this follow up sentence ‘I always thought we were just two different kinds of pretty.’
Perfect insight Ashton.. spot on.
do you know where to get the mirrors in your picture?
Kathy, I don’t but here is the link to the image source in hopes that they tell you there: http://paloma81.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-09-09T08%3A02%3A00-05%3A00&max-results=6
Happy hunting!
Do you know where to get the mirrors from your picture above?
Where did you find this picture?
I think it is an amazing coincidence. This is Brasília, main city of Brasil and that’s where I am living. I moved here alone, with 20 years old, to work. It was extremely hard to make friends as a grown-up. I’m not that much of a grown up actually, because I still have to finish college and after all my friends are all at university (altough I’m not yet), but seeing Brasília in one post about friendship was very touching for me. Sorry for the bad english. Not my native language 😉
Just so you know: I love your blog, your book, everything. Keep writing. Your writing helped me heal from my bulimia and depression and I am sure it will keep helping people all around the world. You are amazing. Thank you!
What serendipity, Manuela! The picture is from a site called Morgue File where photographers can share images that they have taken but aren’t going to use for something. You can then adapt the photo and when I was looking for a friendship photo to adapt, this one spoke to me. I didn’t know where it was from but I should have guessed Brasil. I spent a summer there in the Santarem area and just loved it. And I am so touched that Beautiful You found you on your journey and happy to hear that it has been a helpful tool. Please keep sharing your experiences here and remember that you, too, are amazing. Abrazos!
This is such a refreshing list! Thanks for sharing it again! I love a nice, clean bed with fresh sheets – it gives me something to look forward to when I go to bed.
This is an awesome post and reminds me to pause, take a breath and consider my voice, my accomplishments and my progress on my terms and not to give my power away. Thanks Rosie from the deep place in my heart :).
What an awesome post, Rosie! Thanks for all of your helpful insight on the “why” and “how” behind clutter. I also appreciate the tip of putting a small time slot on the calendar to make sure that clutter stays managed.
POWER OF 10
My closet is a throw & run terror that is dauting to think of doing all at once so I’ve been chipping away at it by hanging/dealing 10 things that I’ve thrown on the chair every time I go in it. A: it’s making a difference little by little and B: I’m shocked at how long I let things go before dealing.
I also use POWER OF 10 on my kitchen counter or anywhere that is starting to look cluttered. It’s usually less than 10 things making the whole area look bad.
POWER OF 10
My closet is a throw & run terror that is dauting to think of doing all at once so I’ve been chipping away at it by hanging/dealing 10 things that I’ve thrown on the chair every time I go in it. A: it’s making a difference little by little and B: I’m shocked at how long I let things go before dealing.
I also use POWER OF 10 on my kitchen counter or anywhere that is starting to look cluttered. It’s usually less than 10 things making the whole area look bad.
I’ve struggled with this topic for years… I found motivation and ideas throuh FlyLady and adapted to fit my life. I’ve decluttered a lot in the last years. There is still much to do, but I steadily will manage it too.
I totally agree with your points, especially the “motivation behind”. Here are some of my tools:
1) To me, “I don’t want to live any longer in such a mess” provides only short-time power. Better: get a positive feeling of the de-cluttered area. Imagine a clear, neatly organized closet. Imagine how I find what I want – within seconds. Imagine myself smiling. Imagine how proud I am. OK, now every time I work on that decluttering, I’ll keep in mind this good feeling of what I want to achieve.
2) Be prepared to sort. What will I do with all these items that are too good to be tossed? I prepare a big trash bag, and bags labelled with their destination (e.g. caritative shelters, second hand shop,…). So I can immediately sort – and it is much easier for me not to hold on something when I know it will still be used by someone who needs it.
3) As soon as a bag is full, I put it in my car. So I won’t forget to dispatch my bags.
4) Items that keep memories but aren’t used otherwise – I make a picture of them. So I can still have the memory without the clutter.
5) There is no such thing that “not enough time”. When I have 2 minutes left before leaving home/a TV show/…, I can at least sort one item. By the end of the week, one item and another etc… make a noticeable difference.
that photo is absolutely brilliant!
i ate tater tots this week too. sharing a brain again. whaaaat?
it absolutely kills me when ruby says “ruby loves ruby too” – swoon.
Rosie, what a beautiful post! What a sweet, sweet boy you have. Cheers to the amazing ride that is motherhood!
weeping. Love you, friend.
Oh Rosie! You have me in tears and covered in goosebumps! I still remember the day you told me that you were going to be a mommy…I was so happy for you & BF! I can’t believe how quickly 5 years have passed! Happy is absolutely beautiful and truly a blessing for you both!
What a powerful, breathtaking post! Never has so much emotion been so eloquently written.
I celebrate with you all. You are a wonderful family!
Thank you for this Ms.Rosie! I can speak on behalf of all the students taking your class, we are happy and excited to meet you and begin our journeys’ to exploring Body Image!
Happy 5th, Happy!!!! Such a fun year! We’ll be singing to you in Richmond:)
You are so right!! I have powered my way through poses only to hurt myself and not be able to do any yoga for months. Rest is good!!
Your post is really interesting to me. I do yoga to cultivate a different relationship with my body after putting myself on crutches for four months from working out too hard (and not eating enough…). So I am definitely going to yoga to listen to my body and be nice to it. But how that works out specifically in a class gets dicey for me, because it seems like the classes I go to are designed to push our edge. I’m not sure what a person is supposed to do in a class like that, who for personal reasons has a different goal. And then I encounter this interesting phenomenon that half the poses in a class make me want to cry so I’m trying to sort out how to respond to that. Thanks for providing a counterbalancing encouragement towards rest!
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and I somehow missed this post! You’re the only other person I know who has discovered a snake in their house. We’ve found two black snakes. One in a downstairs closet that had found a hole to come in from the basement in there, and another that slipped down from the attic in a similar way. We live in a 200 year-old farm house with big overhanging trees so keeping them out of the attic is a lost cause (and the basement as well).
Chris: For the longest time, I powered through everything in life and ended up with so much recovery time. Going slower is not my natural state of being, so it’s a practice for me. BUT I have learned that slower is better for me in the long run.
JJ:
Thank you for your comment. There is so much in there, I’m excited to talk about each part!
For me, it took some serious studio hopping/class shopping until I found some teachers that are philosophically in line with where I am. I am happy to report they are out there. I was lucky and found a few teachers in the same studio very close to my house. I was referred there by a friend who knew I needed less push to the limit and more heart healing quiet.
One resource is Curvy certified teachers – who are all around the country. I have no idea if you are a “curvy” person, but these teachers are trained to teach yoga to EVERY body. The idea behind Curvy Yoga is that yoga is accessible for EVERY body using props and modifications. There is usually an emphasis on self-acceptance and self-love and making friends with who we are in the body we are in. http://www.curvyyoga.com/location-select/
You may also want to find a class in your area specializing in gentle yoga or a class designed for beginners. My friend, Madeleine Lohman, teaches a 6 week class at It’s All Yoga in Sacramento, CA and her folks keep coming back for more. It probably helps she was written up as the Best Yogi to Teach You Kindness – http://www.newsreview.com/sacramento/best-of-shops-services/content?oid=7736317
Another option might be to do a couple of private sessions with a teacher you’ve connected with and to practice at home on your own.
And crying in yoga – I hear you. I wrote a post a couple years ago about my experience. http://teachergoesbacktoschool.org/2009/09/27/it-could-happen-to-you/
I hope this was helpful and you find the right teacher for you. Please contact me if you want to talk more.
Thanks for your reply and ideas. Loved your post about crying in yoga!!
JJ: So glad you got the response!
Yeah, that crying in yoga thing is crazytown. It happens to everyone and yet we all seem to think we’re the only one. I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
Here’s a new post from my friend Anna at Curvy Yoga about finding a teacher that is right for you. http://www.curvyyoga.com/ftcm/how-do-you-find-a-yoga-teacher-you-like/
Thanks for the encouragement to find the right teacher–it had never crossed my mind to find a class that fit ME, I just assumed I was the problem. Hmmmm, go figure. Well, thanks so much!
I know what you mean, my default is to think it is me too.
I’m hoping you find your right teacher, JJ. Good luck and keep looking!
Thank you. I’m back to teaching 1st grade after 8 months of maternity leave. I have an 8-month-old and an almost 2-year-old, and I have graduate courses to finish on top of that. Balancing family, teaching, my school work, and taking care of myself is my hardest challenge yet. These posts are life saving. I’m leaving for work early to plan 🙂
Ashlie, Oh, I know how hard it must be not just logistically but emotionally to be transitioning back to work. The weekly review is one of my very best habits- I hope it is helpful to you, too! Wishing you and your family all the best as you navigate this transition! I hope you’ll come back and share how things are going. Thinking of you!
Happy’s new bedding is awesome! Those animal heads from Land of Nod are the icing on the cake. Love it!
Your choice in TED Talks is spot on. Thanks for sharing the good ones.
Great article, Rosie! You always put things in a new perspective. I love this: “[You} should determine your own standards and limits and put them into effect immediately so you aren’t left financially and emotionally robbed of everything good and true and powerful about you.”
Thanks so much, Emily. I have found that creating my own standards has been so incredibly liberating and when you are liberated, you can do anything. So appreciate your comment!
So helpful. I think what you’re saying is be aware, be of the moment in the preparation – and then accept whatever happens as it is sometimes important to be aware that we can only do the best we can. I love the idea of not failing – but being able to accept we sometimes need to accept we may need to learn from experience.
Yes, very well said, Rosie! Learning opportunities everywhere but no failures!
How timely this post was for me, Rosie! I think it’ll be hard for me to let go of the pressure to have a particular person like me, but I’m going to try.
Oh, Ashley, I completely understand– it was hard for me, too, but so, so liberating. And it feels good to be able to just be my authentic self when I am in a space with a person that doesn’t like me rather than a contrived, please like me space. Wishing you all the best!
What do you when you feel stucked in a zone, no job. When I think all is well some how things get snatched back, please pray for me.
lw
Laverne, I am so sorry things are hard right now. i so understand how that can be frustrating. I was thinking about this and I think my approach is that I work as hard as I can to be at a place of internal peace, satisfied that I have mostly done right by myself and that in the ways that I haven’t, I am trying. And that it is the trying that matters. It is the journey that is the goal. I work hard to have my feelings influenced by what I do and not external forces. Counseling can help– it is an incredible personal investment– and then just constantly reminding myself that the only things I have real control over is what I do and so those things are the things that I am going to use for perspective. Holding you in my heart and in the light. May you find your zone. Thank you for sharing your experience here!
I ‘stumbled’ (if you believe that anything in this life is accident…and I don’t) onto your site and just wanted to tell you that it resonates deeply with me. I will be spending then next several days/weeks reading your posts and feeling grateful for your words.
Debora
Debora, I am so happy to have connected! I love it when I am connected to a kindred spirit! And I just hopped over to your blog and I love your poem about where you are from… so touching and a beautiful tribute to your family, your home, your soul. I look forward to sharing more. Happy day! Rosie
Thank you so much! Though I don’t have a ‘big’ question looming on my horizon, I have many little ones. Your advice and clarifying questions may help!
Non of this surprises me (altho sad about Taylors abs..lmao ) . its one of the reasons I stopped buying magazines yrs ago.. the other is every one of them HAD to have something on weight lose. as teen I loved looking at all the pretty clothes and reading tips on make up.. now its If u don’t buy this (very expensive product) U’re ugly.. When the truth is its not the cream or make up that’s making these women/men look flawless, its a computer!
You are absolutely right, Yvette! So much negativity fed to us in those “aspirational” pages!
It is very refreshing ( and fun ) to look back at ” Jackie” magazines from the 1980s… in the UK many of us grew up with those magazines and learned about hair styles and makeup from them. Everyone in them looks so NORMAL…especially the “Photo Love ” photo stories!
Those were the days, when fashion and beauty were FUN, not about trying to be perfect. I feel really sorry for young women nowadays.
Go on eBay and buy some 80 s teen magazines! 🙂
Love that idea, Sarah. I did love Sassy back in the 1980s! I’ll have to look for an old copy of Jackie. Thanks so much for sharing!
In Sept I loved taking pics with the hubby. All too often couples only have engagement pics, wedding pics and then pics with their children–as if life stops for a bit in the interim. In celebration of our third anniversary and as a reminder that we are enjoying our season without kids. I can’t ever seem to commit to a game on my phone for more than a few weeks. I do obsessively check news sites as my entertainment. A dish I’ve loved…..roasted Brussels sprouts an sweet potatoes with pancetta. It is a party in your mouth and a great way to kick off the pending season change.
Lately I have read one of those magazines. An article about diets.
I mildly smiled – I don’t need to diet and I feel very comfortable about myself.
After reading some paragraphs, I catched myself thinking “oh, why don’t I diet? Is there something wrong with me? I probably should diet!”.
ME, thinking something like THIS? I was kind of frightened by the power of media. And you can bet, I won’t read a magazine for a long time.
Beautiful as always, Rosie — and I LOVE that photo of you!! xo
Thanks so much, Anna. Love this opportunity to reflect at this particular milestone.
That photo is brilliant!
Love this. I was more scared to turn 30 than 40. The secret was making peace with myself in that decade.
Can’t wait to see what you are able to accomplish in this new decade. You rock!
It has been so interesting to hear the lather people feel around 40 and then realize that it doesn’t feel like anything has changed– like it’s just another day, another opportunity. I do imagine this will be the decade of more risks and that seems really exciting. Here we go.
And that girl in the picture. Bless her heart. She was fearless. I hope to be more like her every day (well, with an affection for public radio, too, and not just her angsty alternative, rock and folk music)– she had a whole lotta pluck.
And what is the answer to do you dare not?
Jen, I don’t (dare not)! I’m in and excited to see what the future holds!
I am embracing “to stop berating my body”…..baby steps! I am going to stop daily saying mean things to myself about myself.
Carolyn Johnson
“To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on or wait for others to define my worth.”
That’s lovely. I’m going to start telling myself that I’m awesome in the mirror every morning to try to start the day on the right foot. Great stuff.
To love my body and self today. Starting today, and then again tomorrow.
I pledge to be the primary source of my confidence. I have spent my whole life reacting to how other people view me and I want to change that.
To recognize my body’s strengths!
Robin
So many great things to choose from! Will start with giving my body what it needs to be nurtured, leaving the rest and to leave envy at the door.
I commit to loving and accepting my body right now, as I am, perfect and whole, and to treat my body with respect and love by nurturing and nourishing my body.
Iam so happy to love myself !!!
To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body!
Today I am going to be courageous. Today I am going to be beautiful. Even though I might wish my body were different, today I am going to hold that wish in my arms like a tender, young child and ask, “Sweetheart, what are you needing?” And am going to tenderly care for myself and hold space to love my body just as it is.
I pledge to start living in this body and not wait until I have a different one. I pledge to start treating my body with the respect I deserve.
“To be the primary source of my confidence.” I will!
Joanna
Oh, my skin was so clear, and I was ready to jump in on Friday…all natural! And then today, the massive zit came to haunt my cheek. Of course. But, I’m still in. Maybe just a little conceal or that night for my birthday dinner??
I commit to no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
One way to do this is to gently care for myself, as I would for a child. If I’m sore I’ll stretch, if I bump or bruise myself I’ll apply a calming healing ointment, if I’m tired I’ll sit down for a cup of tea or a sparkling fresh glass of water. I’ll listen to myself with love.
Where do you sign the pledge?
Hello Ceanne! You sign the pledge by noting which statement you are prioritizing in your approach to self-acceptance and then signing your name as a comment. You can look at the other comments to see how people have done it (and to get inspired!). Glad you are joining us!
The site wouldn’t let me post a new post so hopefully this will work. Because I understand that my love and respect for my body are metaphors of my love and respect for my self and soul, I pledge to do the following:
(most important to me at this time)
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity. And to recognize and celebrate my bodies strengths and uniqueness!!
Thank you!!
Because I understand that my love and respect for my body are metaphors of my love and respect for my self and soul, I pledge to do the following:
(most important to me at this time)
To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe, and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity. And to recognize and celebrate my bodies strengths and uniqueness!!
Thank you!!
“To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given…” means so much to me. I have a chronic illness and it is so easy to get down on what’s wrong with my body. It’s important to recognize all the amazing things it can do!
I need more good smells – please share your products hair and candles.
Goat cheese salad sounds divine!
That goat cheese salad was ridiculous in the best possible way, Tami. I have thought about it several times this week. Too bad, I am not going back to Washington DC again anytime soon. As for scents, here are the three we have around our house right now (all purchased at Target): Lemon Verbena, Caldrea Kitchen Candle in Hibiscus Yuzu, and Be Amazing Aromatherapy Soy Candle in Tangerine & Fresh Bergamot. The hair product is Happy’s curly hair product which may not be high on your list of needs but BF got me some Clementine Body Butter from The Body Shop and I used it for the first time today and had to stop myself from putting my face in it, it smells so divine. I am wild about their body butters and have been a coconut girl for years and year (also smells good) but I am going to cheat on coconut for a bit with Clementine. Shh! Don’t tell on me.
Love this! Really, really do.
Also, saw Happy on BF’s shoulders at Homecoming. Happy grinned at us and said, “I’m so tall!” It made me, well, Happy.
Love that you saw them– that Happy on the shoulders strategy works for both of them as BF likes Happy contained and Happy likes that view of the world. 🙂 Hope you’ll share any of your unexpected kindnesses! Happy week!
Congratulations to all of you for making the commitment to be a Body Warrior and to Shelly for winning the signed copy of Beautiful You! So glad you all are working on being kinder to yourselves!
I really love this post. And I remember vividly reading that Cheryl Strayed letter when it first went online and being captivated. Your post did the same thing to me.
So beautiful! Will be thinking on this one for quite awhile. Thank you for sharing!
Great post. Do no harm.
Such a thought-provoking post. Thank you for being vulnerable by sharing your thoughts to that others might similarly discern how they too, can do less harm.
Awesome idea! I’m going to write 52 thank-you notes by Thanksgiving!
I stumbled upon this through Pinterest. I love this post, I really do. Thank you. I needed that.
So glad that you found your way here, Liz, and that this post resonated with you. Hope to see you around here again and that other posts make a connection, too!
I just downloaded The Fault in Our Stars yesterday to read on vacation! Looking forward to reading it!
It’s captivating; I hope you enjoy! And have a wonderful vacation!
I really enjoyed state of Wonder by Ann Patchett this month. I am also digging David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell. You are a better woman than I for not complaining about all the waiting involved in the Halloween Parade! 😉
I am hearing great stuff about SoW, Adah. I’ll have to add it to the list. And I haven’t read any Gladwell– I am thinking that his books might be good audiobooks for my commute to teach! Do you like his other books? A favorite? This year we did the parade with a friend of Happy’s from school and that made the wait far more bearable. But why is it always freezing on Halloween Parade day? 🙂
October has been a great month!
I found a bunch of new blogs to read (your’s among them)
I realized if I slow down this time of the year heading into the holidays -life is a lot more enjoyable!
I am learning to accept myself instead of being my own worst enemy
So glad that you had a wonderful October, Kelly! And I am so glad you found your way here– so happy to have you! And, yes, I think you are onto something. Time passes so fast– I think the only way to savor it is for us to slow down and distill into it. Glad you are finding just the right pace for you. And accepting yourself? TOTALLY the way to go. There is nothing worse than walking around with an enemy in your head. Glad you are embracing being your own friend. It’s a powerful shift!
So glad to hear that you enjoyed two of my favorite reads…TFiOS and E&P. 🙂
They were great. What other recommendations do you have, Heather?
Hi Rosie~
YOU KNOW I love MAKING cupcakes (Lemon Cream in fact). Nobody ever says ‘no’ to the offer of bringing cupcakes. Although I would thoroughly enjoy winning a copy of Talking Taboo…what I am going to do here is tell you my baking secret: Ready? Rose Water. That’s the ingredient I add to make them special.
Now…since we last feasted together, I have a new ingredient that has SPARKED many a conversation and a few smiles. Blood Orange Fused Olive Oil. Yum. I’ll bring you some next we meet. Not that I’m trying to bribe you or anything.
Stop it– blood orange fused olive oil? I love blood orange. This has to be delicious. Yes, please bring some next time we meet. I cannot wait (the rose water lemon cupcakes were to die for!). Check your inbox for a message from me!
Hi Rosie! This book sounds phenomenal and I LOVE cupcakes, so why not try for it? I think I would have to say that my fantasy cupcake (which may exist somewhere out there) would be chocolate covered potato chip. Not many people are familiar with chocolate covered potato chips in general, but I remember growing up that my late grandmother would order them specifically from a chocolate shop in Ohio where my dad and his brother and sister grew up. Now, if you’ve had chocolate covered potato chips you understand how delicious the sweet and salty combination is, but imagine this in a cupcake!!! I might have to work on this for the holidays. 🙂 Thanks for sharing this author and her new book! Hope all is well with you and yours!
Oh, Alex, this sounds delicious. I have never had a chocolate covered potato chip, but I do love chocolate covered pretzels. I think you should totally try to perfect this recipe over the holidays. And then drop one by my classroom. And, now, look for an email from me. Happy new week!
If I can perfect this recipe over the holidays I will certainly make sure one gets to you (WITH YOUR BOOKS!). Also, you should try the Ben and Jerry’s flavor “Late Night Snack,” it has chocolate covered potato chips and caramel swirls. Absolute best flavor they’ve made to date. 🙂 Really looking forward to reading Talking Taboo, thanks again!
Oh, I will definitely try it. Thanks for the recommendation! Happy cupcake making!
He has beautiful hair. That is way more stuff than I ever imagined needing to do/use.
We are in the ultimate straight hair club over here. Our girl’s hair is super dry and straight, so we just rinse with water (to smooth and to get all the food and other yucky stuff out). We wash about once a month with Burt’s Bees Baby Shampoo and she HATES IT with the passion of a 1,000 burning suns.
Any tips on that? Seriously. It’s the whole thing – washing and rinsing. Traumatic for all involved.
In the morning we spray it with more water and gently brush it smooth while she watches Caillou or I pull it up in a messy pony and call it a day.
It gets better, Tami. Happy still doesn’t love having his hair washed (he doesn’t mind the conditioner process but does dislike the wash process) but is more amendable now. Swim lessons helped- we treat the bath a bit like a pool with toys and blowing bubbles and letting things unfold on a more Happy driven time table. Also, I wonder if doing it once a week might help her build her tolerance of it? Good luck!
Deva Curl has changed my life. You are so right, curls crave moisture. Deva products are 100% sulfate, paraben and silicone free. I am caucasion and my curls are just a bit looser than Happy’s but not much. Thank goodness in high school in the 1970’s, fro’s were in. But since high school I have battled my hair. At 53 years old I quit trying to straighten and now enjoy my curls. Tell Happy everyone want to touch my hair too. 🙂
Chris, I dig Deva Curl for my curls, too. Given that Happy bathes at night and I cannot pineapple his hair, the products don’t seem to be a fit for his getting ready time table (and he would never ever let me touch his hair enough to break the caste that Deva Curl create) but maybe I should look beyond the products I use and see what else they have. I, too, have been enjoying my curls (and the time I save by not straightening them). Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Happy week!
Really enjoyed your article.You are an inspiration to many.
PS – I have shoes older than you! LOL
That is such a great list, Rosie! I am happy for you that you’ve learned these lessons while you’ve got such a big part of your life still ahead of you.
I’m in my twenties and what I am really learning now is to be more compassionate and kind towards myself. And to embrace my imperfections. These thoughts have changed my life in recent months. I just couldn’t put up with my negative self talk any longer!
Self-kindness is revolutionary, Bo. I am so glad that you are embracing it; it changes everything. Thanks for sharing some of your experience and hope you’ll continue to share here! Take good care of you!
Your timing is wonderful. I’m also in my twenties, and am in a crappy circumstance. I am here, because I did not learn an important lesson in my childhood, and now a person in my life has more authority than they should. The situation is wretched, but if I can face it, and learn that a)I’m awesome regardless of what this joker thinks, and b)that I am a capable and strong human being that doesn’t (as he puts it) just quit when things get hard, then I will make it into my 30s free of this burden. And have a PhD. And save the world from losing it’s chocolate supply (my thesis research is geared there).
Thank you for writing.
Danielle, I am so glad that you found your way here. It sounds like practicing some awesome boundaries will serve you well and the good news from doing that is that those who are intrusive are put in their appropriate place and you realize that you can take care of you. I first stated practicing boundaries at 26 and it was revolutionary. Totally changed my life. I am excited for you to get started on your own journey. Because I care about that for you and because, let me be honest, I care about chocolate. I always say that we all have a purpose in the world and I desperately need for you to be able to live yours so that I am happier living mine. So protect yourself, protect chocolate, and protect everything else that is good and true in the world. It sounds like you know just what you need. Embrace it. Hope to see you around here again!
Happy birthday to one amazing, talented, thoughtful, inspiring woman! Thank you for ALL the amazing ways you show up in this world! xo
Oh, thank you, Anna. I feel the same way about you. You are loved!
Happy birthday, Rosie! Thank you for being so honest, inspiring and encouraging. Here’s to 40 more years of bliss!
Aww, thanks so much! I am so grateful for your kind words! Have an incredible week!
Happy birthday!
Thank you! Happy week to you!
HAPPY birthday, Rosie! A few ideas for 38-49: GET your mammogram! hee hee; treat yourself to a facial before spring/Mother’s Day; have a solitude day or go on a solitude retreat (24 hrs); read the Psalms; and plant 1 new kind of flower in your yard.
LOVE to you! Signing up for Jan. 3 visionSPARK to jumpstart the new year!
Lee
Lee, you will be thrilled to know that I am getting my mammogram TOMORROW! So important. Love all your ideas– thank you! And I am so exited to see you on January 3rd if not sooner! Happy, happy holidays!
Always feel like it’s Christmas morning when I get book recommendations from avid readers. Thank you! Off to Amazon 🙂
Happy Birthday Rosie! Have a fantastic new year of live!
tasting: Cauliflower and pasta, cooked with white wine and bacon. Red cabbage with smoked pork chop and cinnamon. Backed cheese with cranberry jelly.
hearing: Delight sobbing on the way to a judo (discovery) lesson, but totally enthusiastic and proud after it. Enjoy’s newest sounds. Mozart’s Bona Vox with original text – I would love to know in which context he wrote such an insolent, quite shoking text…
smelling: Heated cinnamon and orange peel.
seeing: Enjoy standing, and going through the whole family room by leaning against a kid chair. Enjoy’s first tooth.
feeling: Enjoy’s tooth on my finger – “yes, there is a tooth!”. Grateful for my dear ones. Feeling so alive outdoors with the November weather.
wishing/hoping: for sleep!
This is probably the best list of book recommendations I have ever come across. Thank you so much for the in depth descriptions of each. I so often come across a blog post in which the book recommendation is the book title and a picture of the front cover, lame! I have added most of these to my “must read” list. My book recommendation for you is “Sex, Rain, and Cold Fusion” by author A.R. Taylor (http://www.lonecamel.com). The book follows physicist David Oster on his difficult journey through adulthood. He is an intelligent man plagued with making poor decisions in life and love. He has an overly complicated sex life and is trying to make his passion of studying underwater physics a reality. The book appeals to men and women because it’s witty and funny and has everything from: murder and sex to a very comical look at the world of physics and dynamic hilarious characters. I would say the book is “geek chic” and definitely borders on comedy that can be compared to the “Big Bang Theory” or Chris Buckley’s “Thank You for Smoking.” Hope you will enjoy it as much as I did
This is a great list. I appreciate the thorough write up for these and I’ll be checking a few of those out for sure.
I’m a big reader of business books and self improvement so my husband recently bought me a copy of Joy Chudacoff’s What’s Next? http://whatsnextthebook.com/
Absolutely one of the best books I have ever been gifted and I’ve been recommending it to all of the women in my family. It is the perfect read for women with their own business or thinking of starting one up but I think it goes way deeper than that and offers so much more in terms of helping you realize you goals and dreams in life. A lot of credit must go to Joy Chudacoff for the clean and simple format and wonderful wisdom she has so brilliantly put to paper.
Great ideas – thank your for sharing. I am “technically” done Christmas shopping…but… 🙂
Oh, love (and am envious) that you are done, Kelly. I start early but will still have shopping to do in December. Nothing stressful but will definitely need to make a few outings.
I’m totally thrilled to give Delight a 2014 calendar with 6 “Daddy-dates” and 6 “Mommy-dates”. Once a month, a very special time to make memories with Dad/Mom and feel loved. As my husband says “well, we should not have to make special dates for it, it should be normal. But OK, inbetween life just happens and we don’t have time anymore…”
Oh, I love it, Cecile. Will the dates for the dates be preselected? You are exactly right that sometimes time has to be carved out for things to happen. Delight will love this gift!
Yes, the dates are preselected (considering usual family events like birthdays), in order for the dates to really happen! They are written on post-its, so that we can change in case of urgent reasons like illness, or if we would decide to go together to a concert on a precise date.
Oh Etsy, Etsy, Etsy! I have been avoiding the site for some time, but with a wedding coming up, it became my go to. And now, LETTERPRESS STATIONERY! Oh… Maybe I need my own Christmas gift!
Oh my goodness, Kat, congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. Very exciting. Sending you love from across the way… (and, yes, always to getting yourself your own gift).
I needed this right now. I’m in the middle of a quiet emotional meltdown due to travel woes (missed a flight, get in at 7:51am tomorrow, going straight to my classroom from the airport ACK ANXIETY WEEP GNASH AAACK!).
I’m going to read a book (for pleasure) for at least 10 minutes a day.
I’m going to sit in silence … with my thoughts … for two minutes a day.
I’m going to listen to music INSTEAD of “watching” TV on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. (TV is always my background noise … but I love music.)
I’m going to blog about this, too. I think that will help me unfunk before I try to sleep and TRY to catch a second 5:30am flight.
Oh, I am so sorry for the travel woes. That stinks. But it is so good that you are taking that situation back and embracing and acknowledging what you can control. Love these– especially the idea to just sit with your thoughts for two minutes and to trade out tv for music. I bet that one will go really far for your self-care. I am sending you so much love and light as you fill your well today and everyday.
As a Pastor, this is one of the most hectic times of the year. I so appreciate your call to self-care!
I’m going to spend at least 10 minutes with a daily Advent devotional to keep me connected to the hopeful anticipation of the season.
I’m going to practice a few yoga poses everyday to clear my mind and heart.
I’m going to stop looking at facebook/twitter/my phone the moment I wake up and take that time to breathe and stretch.
Megan, These are great ways to take care of yourself- and I especially like the idea of not plugging into your social media
First thing in the morning. Emails and texts can totally distract you from your grounding first thing in the morning. I think these practices will be so good for such a busy time of the year! Wishing you well!
My December Self-Care Prescription:
– Not filling my time with potato-chip news, Instagram, Law & Order SVU, and comparison trap thinking.
– Walking Bo for 30 minutes every evening. If it’s too cold, I’ll walk myself and play with him when I get home.
– Sweating for 30 minutes every-other day.
Oh, Emily, I have never heard potato chip news but totally got it when i read it. Brilliant phrasing. Love these self-care steps– sensible, filled with plenty of positive impact, and not too overwhelming. Enjoy!
Rosie, I cannot take credit for coining potato chip news. It’s a Gretchen Rubin term. 🙂
http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/11/avoid-the-dangerous-allure-of-potato-chip-news/
This is still one of my favorites.
LOVE YOU!
you continuously inspire me
Thinking of you and your father and family, Rosie! Keep us posted. Peace!
I need a hug.
Does a virtual hug help? Sending it your way. And do give yourself one, too. Our own personal touch can be soothing, too. Sending love and light across the way.
My Advent Special care:
– do 10 minutes work-out a day, at least 4 days a week. This one should be a round-the-year care, yet finally beginning is a gift of love to myself!
– write in my Gratefulness Journal, which I’ve not done for a long time anymore.
– begin to work with The Artist’s Way. I’ll probably not be able to have as much time as I would love to do it, but I know that “the perfect time” is an illusion, all the more as a mother. So I allow myself to do it as I can, without pressure. And I love the feeling of freedom this book gives me!
I love this thought, although I am a bit behind! I am in the midst of a major personal and family change. For the better I hope, but extremely stressful now.
1. I will find 10 minutes each day to do my guided meditation. Usually first thing in the morning.
2. I will make time for daily exercise and allow time for rest and recovery as well.
3. I will say no (nicely) to invitations to parties I don’t want to go to.
Great! I share on my Facebook page. Every activity you propose is fun and smart. Thank you so much Rosie.
I love this.. sending this to one of my bffs 😀 I think she’ll like doing this.. we have had a “strong” yr.. so many changes.. lessons learned and soooo much fun!
Strong was my word for 2013
I have a few for the new yr.. just thinking about THE one.
My word for 2014 is surrender. It started talking to me toward the end of 2013 and I was resistant. It seemed to be not as “fun” a word. But I started seeing it as actually quite beautiful.
Abundance was my word last year….it was a great word for the year!! Although thrive is a great word as well. I find that the words find me….at least that has been my experience the last few years that I’ve done this!
Happy New Year!!
loved reading this, Rosie. And I look forward to your other SPARK posts. Balance is the word I chose.
you look so beautiful
Love all of this!! Especially the hugging game with Happy! Brooks and I have a similar game that helps us determine who is stronger. Somehow, he always wins!
Rosie,
This is a great, well thought through, detailed plan. My only challenge I know will be “Incorporate it into your life…” This will be my biggest obstacle but I believe if I stay focused this one hurdle I can make it through. Thanks for such a motivating post!
Hopefully, tomorrow’s post will help with that! Wishing you all the best on your journey!
Hi guys. I’m also interested in visualization theme. I’ve created an online version of dreams board(prototype), check it please, maybe you’ll like it. I’ll be happy to read any comments from you:
mustdream.com
Thanks)
I just wanted to say “Thank you” Rosie for sharing your nice and deep thoughts, which inspire me to start this new year and move forward in my life.
Hi Rosie. Thanks for sharing your to do list advice! I have always kept lists too, mostly in a small notebook in my purse, but a few months ago I started to consolidate the longer term things onto a clipboard. Your post has given me some ideas to fine tune this process for myself, namely to have separate categories and highlight things when done. I think a spiral notebook is a better option than my clipboard too so I am going to continue with that.
Hi Rachelle! Thanks so much for sharing some of your process! I am glad that this post inspired some ideas for you! There’s nothing quite like honing in on the best system for one self, is there? Hope you’ll share what you land on!
Great, and helpful, post, Rosie- Thanks!
As a middle school teacher who would rather spend my time instead being with, and planning for, students, I do three things to manage the beast that is email:
1. I schedule email answering time into my day, much as I would a meeting or class. If it’s not “email” time, I’m not checking it (and I turn off the pop-ups that sing to me like Sirens…).
2. I practice David Allan’s “Getting Things Done” method: Create an “Action” folder for emails that will take longer than two minutes to respond to and drag those emails from your inbox to this folder. During email time, I chip away at those after the quick ones are done. Much easier to keep the inbox ’empty’, as a result.
3. I funnel emails from important people (boss, dept. head, wife, who is a colleague, etc.) into their own special folders. During email time, I hit those first.
I find that, on busy teaching days especially, the emails can still get out of hand… But applying these three methods has turned email from something that happens to me into something that I control.
I had my first hot stone massage this week… What a delight!
My goodness, I love your words. There’s always something I need to hear, just when I need to hear it.
Oh, I am so happy to hear that this was a useful message for your right now, Jennifer. Thanks so much for visiting, for sharing, and for offering your light in the world!
Rosie,
What a great way to spin the negative (condemning self) into a positive (our guide); I Love This Approach!
Thank You 😉
It has been such a helpful lens for me, Darby. I hope it can be useful to others! Happy weekend!
Wow Rosie, this was very timely for me and your thoughts on this subject have provided me with new ways of seeing things. Thank you for sharing!
This post instantly made it to my favorites. Thank you so much for sharing and offering so many enlightening nuggets of wisdom and perspective.
“Let’s partner together in permission. Let’s share with each other the tools. Let’s change our minds so we can change the world.” … Rosie, I’ll join your march, gladly!
Hi Rosie, googled making master lists and found you! Just at the right time – so am doing this – as a Buddhist I am just approaching my new year (March 2nd is Losar or the Tibetan new year). For this year of the wood horse I have decided to do your wonderful SPARK – these ten days before the new year are called the dons – kind of the pms of the world and it is good to set intentions and get one’s house in order! I find myself living in Labrador (moved here for ten months mid-October). I’m a psychotherapist and a writer so was excited to be able to focus on the second given that I can’t do too much with the first here. Of course it always brings up copious amounts of shite when one has a LOT of time with nothing urgent to do. This exercise allowed me to go fearlessly into my irresponsible ways with money and structure in my life. I hope to shed those patterns so that my creativity will not be hampered by destructive habits. Thanks.
Jan, Love that you found your way here from your desire to make a master list. Mine has been revolutionary for me and I hope that all of SPARK proves to be valuable to you! Thanks for sharing your experience. I look forward to hearing more about your process and experience! Happy (almost) New Year (oh, speaking of, I shared an exercise for an end of year personal summit at the end of December 2013 if you want to look for it as a possibility for you during this time)!
Hey, just working through this and it is very helpful. Thought I’d add a tweak that I did yesterday. I took my master to do list and asteriked anything I call ‘despicable’ tasks. They aren’t, of themselves, despicable it is more that they are things I HAVE to do and put off over and over. What I put on my yesterday’s to do list was ‘do 2 or 3 items starred despicable.’ Now you may ask why I don’t just put three actual items down? Because I know my rebel child’s heart – giving me some wiggle room in both which ones I choose and how many (2 or 3) makes me feel like I’m not being hectored by my critical parent self. If anyone else gets what I’m saying – give it a try. I did three of my most despicable tasks yesterday so I’d say it works!
Oh, I love that idea, Jan, and how it honors what you know to be true about you– a gentle structure within your reality is perfect!
Thanks Rosie – I’ll go there!
Just found the link, Jan: https://rosiemolinary.com/2013/12/22/the-weekly-spark-host-an-end-of-year-personal-summit-2/
This just made me so happy! Thank you!
Thanks so much for stopping in, Sue Ellen!
This was very encouraging. I tend not to think like that. Being a black woman especially, I tend to believe that no one considers me attractive, even black men because all we see in the media are the light-skinned women being praised. Even when someone tells me I’m pretty I wish they hadn’t said anything because I believe its only a pity-complement or them showing that they are ‘deep’. I’m so messed up but your blog’s helping me change my perspective.
So glad you found your way here, Trish. You know, I think the media has done a number on most all of us and there is an added layer to that for women of color since there is an even more limited representation of us portrayed in the media. I struggled with this for a period of time– I just wanted to get a consistent reaction from others– and what I finally realized was that everything is so subjective; I wouldn’t get a consistent reaction unless I finally relied on myself. That decision was revolutionary. I’ve got a post planned for Wednesday that I hope you’ll come back and read. I hope it’ll be a nice inspiration for your journey. And, of course, I am happy for you to share any time- I just wrapped up Wednesday’s post earlier today and so it is on my mind in reference to your comment today. Thanks for sharing. I wish you all the best for your journey!
Lovely post. I like to do a release all worry ritual at bedtime and a morning ritual for setting a day of grace and ease xo Tanya
I LOVE that, Tanya. Do you do it as a guided meditation for yourself?
You never EVER cease to inspire me!
Was it the static-cling or the wall crash, Jen? Ha! Thanks!
This is so good! I’m a therapist and work with Transactional Analysis (which people usually remember as ‘I’m Okay You’re Okay’. We have something called Game theory and it is about how addictive drama is for everyone – lots of strokes (mostly negative but still you know you’re alive) and tried and true ways to keep that buzzy horrible feeling reoccurring. So I remember that and make different choices when I feel that swoopy feeling. I also highly recommend any book by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, who has written such fabulous books as ‘Start Where You Are’ or ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’. Here is a simple page of advice that I keep to hand – I especially try and remember #3 in times like you were having!
Pema’s Words of Advice
1. The mundane details of our life eat us up; therefore it is important to keep asking ourselves again and again: What is the most important thing? Since death is certain and the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing? Let that perspective be your guide.
2. Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself. At the gut level, you might want to go for the most comfortable thing. Always go for the stretch. Sometimes the stretch is to stay, sometimes to go. Sometimes to say, Yes, sometimes to say, No. You don’t always know. The key is being willing to go through the shedding and unmasking process.
3. Rest in the insecurity. Remember that when we lose ground we habitually panic and look for something solid to hold onto: that’s a description of samsara. Go at your own pace. And don’t push it. But continue to train in resting with insecurity.
4. Don’t believe everything you think. If you can follow this advice, you will be in good shape.
5. Take exactly what appears as your path.
Jan, this is great; thank you! I took several classes on Buddhism in college and they were so transformational for me– really challenging my attitude (especially around guilt) and helping me to adopt much healthier behaviors. I have not read any of Pema Chodron’s work although I have read wonderful interviews with her. I am off to request a couple of her book from the library! Thanks for sharing this wisdom!
Amen! Such a needed post for me, and others, I’m sure!
Kelly Corrigan?? im so jealous! I loved The Middle Place.. YAY to “Happy Feet”.. Cousins are the best. I remember loving visits to/from my cousins who lived out of town, I had a high from it for weeks after 🙂
Tasting: the decadent gluten free whole food chocolate cake preceded by the most delicious filet minion ever. (it was my birthday, I indulged)
Hearing: the joyful “mom!!”‘s when I walked through the door after being away for 3 sleeps.
Smelling: the mini carnations my kids bought for me
seeing: an old friend
feeling: fully relaxed and at peace while spinning yarn uninterrupted in the hotel room.
wishing/hoping: for the next 2.5 months to go off without a hitch, and accomplishing everything that is on top of the important list.
that was a nice reflection. Good way to start (ish.. It’s tuesday already..) my week.
THis is such a great post! We spend so much time thinking about the right job or Mr./ Mrs. Right, but we forget how vital it is to have friends that we really connect with!
Besides these helpful tips for FINDING the right people, do you also have tips on how to KEEP the right people? I have some colleagues that, for some reasons I won’t be seeing much of any more in the future, they aren’t really my friends, but I would like to stay in touch with them. What can I do?
T.,
Great question! Many of “my people” I have met through past jobs and we have all moved on since then (and more than five of them live hours away now). While I don’t have the perfect formula yet, one thing I have really appreciated about the nature of my people is that they have stayed my people, even if they are thousands of miles away, and we don’t talk all that often.
When we get on the phone, we go right back to being our selves, quickly. So, for your peeps who aren’t naturally in your everyday life but are relatively close, make a point to see them at least once a month. Start a book club with some of them or have a monthly lunch or appetizer date (these are 3 of the ways I see my people each month). If life demands mean you can’t see each other that often, shoot for quarterly, if possible. I find that the people I am not able to see as often are the people who are game to do something a little different with when we are able to get together– a stand up paddling class or play tickets.
As for people who are far away, cut the distance with periodic thoughtful, funny or updated texts, remember birthdays, send links they might find interesting. When you get on the phone, make the most of it, getting back to who y’all are together asap. And then try to see each other every now and again. Maybe yearly can work but even if its every few years, the connection goes a long way to boosting your sense of wellbeing.
One of the things you mentioned is that not everyone you are mentioning is close to you right now. I really loved a colleague from a past job but we weren’t super close. I invited to her appetizers about a month after I left that position and we still do monthly appetizers– about 9 years later- and we are such good friends now. If you feel a connection to someone, don’t be afraid to build that connection into something else. Just figure out what you and that person might enjoy doing together and make the ask. The worst that can happen is that your relationship will stay at the level it is now.
Wishing you all the best!
This is my favorite post every semester! Thanks for sharing and thanks for all the amazing work you do with your students!!
Me, too, Heather. My students take my breath. I am so glad you enjoy it!
Such wisdom! I am printing this post out and putting it into my journal as a reminder when things feel out of balance.
So glad it resonated with you, Emily. The truth is that we teach what we most need to learn. Figuring out that the choices I made about my attitude could change everything was revolutionary for how the rest of my life unfolded/unfolds. Now, it is just a matter of remembering that at the critical times.
As a mother to boys, I enjoyed reading this so much, Rosie. I find myself hoping all the time that as they continue to grow older, they’re respectful, grateful, compassionate and good. (But I know that there will be plenty of trips to Grossville in the process.)
Thanks so much, Ashley. We are whispering the same desires out to the universe. May our trips to Grossville be more funny than nauseating and Punkville totally shut down to us! Enjoy those sweet boys this summer!
Love this! Having a rising 6th grader, I could tell you some stories…!
How can he be a rising sixth grader? Time goes by in a minute, doesn’t it (except for when it doesn’t). I’ll have to sit at your feet to get the next set of notes for the elementary school years. Love you, girl!
Rosie, the older I get, the fewer things about which I feel absolutely certain. However I feel absolutely certain that our Abie won’t even get near the city limits of Punkville. He’ll probably stay so far away that he won’t even be able to read the sign. Now, Grossville is another matter.
I will never forget the time on I-77 when then 2-year old Danny responded to a driver that cut us off and made us move onto the shoulder to avoid a collision. Danny leaned over to the window and said in the most perfect good ole boy accent, indignant at the bad driving, and said “Ass hoooole.” He drew the word out and I half expected him to next spit out a wad of chewing tobacco. It was so funny and I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t correct him. I can still close my eyes and see that little boy and hear his beautifully executed bon mot.
Abie is who he is. His sweetness will endure. It is as much a part of him as his curls and his long, skinny legs. As we say in Texas, you done good.
Your outlook is wise and does send an effective message to all who need to know where self-respect and respect for others really start. The problem is, in South Africa where I have heard, seen and experienced all, I have found that most people love placing price tags on others so to determine what their value for respect is. Then there are many who jusy simply cast the respect of others in the trash bin because of the way they look, or because of their color, status and because they are poor.
All human life is priceless and precious, which requires respect, love, compassion and appreciation to survive. This must be accompanied by sincere actions and not empty words. Whether rich or poor, white, black or brown, male or female, all deserve to be treated with respect, love, compassion and appreciation, no matter the cost.
Love what you had to say about every human life being priceless and precious, Kelly. Thank you so much for sharing from your own experience. So much of what keeps us from seeing that and honoring that is our brokenness. When we do not believe in our worth, we certainly don’t believe in the worth of others and we try to see hints of our worth by demeaning others. When we learn that we are inherently worthy and begin to approach life from that space, we can begin to embrace the worth of others, too. Doing the work matters for ourselves, yes, and for the world’s healing, too. Keep sharing, Kelly. I look forward to hearing more of your insights and observations!
Some great points! Besides, you must be a good and dutyful teacher if you worry about your students that much!
Thanks so much, T! I definitely want to make sure that the class is transcendent for them, one that hopefully, changes their lives in some way and so I try as hard as I can to make it worth their time!
I love this, Rosie! Thanks for the inspiration, and I hope you accomplish your mission with as many laughs—and as little stress—as possible.
Rosie, you have so many wonderful posts that it’s truly a treasure trove here at rosiemolinary.com. That said, this one is a special stand-out. You are such a joy to know, and I know I’m not alone in appreciating the work you do.
What a lovely compliment. Thank you, Deborah! You are loved!
Beautiful and true! I felt I had to share these 25 things with my daughters – thank you.
Thanks so much, Gina!
Wow, such a great idea to read by theme or author! I love it! It definitely comes onto our Summer of Intentionality list.
Reading your blog is a breath of fresh air… especially at this moment of the academic year. I’m a teacher (in France)and today, I experienced an amazing moment. One student, who have had huge difficulties to write since September, his copy test. He never gave up and it was so great to be his teacher. All the students applauded and he got 3 stickers at the same time!
“Never give up and try your best” is our class motto 🙂
Oh my goodness, Marie, I LOVE it! That story just made my day. I love that everyone applauded for him. I hope you just bask in that bright moment tonight and celebrate how you lead your class to get you all to that spot. Bravo!
A New Year’s Suggestion
You’re not defined by diet.
You’re not defined by weight.
Yet industries have been designed
to foster your self-hate.
They want you to buy meal plans.
They want to sell you pills.
They say a loss of 20 pounds
is sure to cure your ills.
They want you to join health clubs,
to keep yourself denied.
They make their money on the things
That steal away your pride.
It’s all a ploy of marketing-
the shame, the pain, the diet.
It’s all a money-making scheme-
So this year—just don’t buy it!
Kathy Lundy Derengowski
Thank you for this post and your blog. It inspires me to live my life as I want to. It’s so great to love myself and treat myself, to take care about the most important person in my life – me.
Elena, I am so glad that the blog has been a valuable tool for you– thank you for your lovely comment! I look forward to seeing you around here more! Have a wonderful weekend!
Sometimes I want to comment but I’m being shy as English is not my native language 🙂
It’s inner сritic who I need to calm down 🙂 It’s hard though as I’m used to think of myself in not really good positive way.
Thank you so much, Rosie, for this mid-year review.
My best professional habit is the End of Week Review. I consider: key events; actions missed/incomplete and the factors affecting these; any toxic emotions or other concerns that need to be addressed; what I want, for the next week; and lessons/strategies. Writing Three Blessings (or more)daily, in my Feeling and Doing Better Journal also helps achieve perspective.
My worst habit is over-engaging in other people’s concerns, by various means (accessibility, offers of help, etc.) I’ve recognized that, by demonstrating calmness, positivity and abundance, I’m a better influence than by becoming so engaged. This is also better for me (less energy-draining).
Oh, I love the Feeing and Doing Better Journal idea, Barbara. It captures your intention perfectly! And, yes, I am with you about over-engaging. Demonstrating calmness, positivity, abundance, even acceptance and grace are indeed better influences and healthier for us. So well-said. Thank you so much for sharing! Have a wonderful week of good habits!
Dear Rosie!
Thank you so much for your wonderful book “Beautiful You” and this blog that gives so many great ideas to think about!
As I read your last post it occurred to me that I might share something that happened to me. You see, I used to have a very big sweet tooth indeed. It needed a daily (big) amount of sugar, preferably chocolate, but candies were quite okay too. That was before children.
You see, I have not been so strict with my food, if it’s healthy or not. But I’ve always wanted my children to be healthy and get good, healthy food. So I’ve given them meals 5 times a day, regularly, 2 warm meals and then smaller. And because I have 3 active son, aged 7, 6 and 2, it takes all my time to keep up with them. So I started to eat with them the same food I gave them.
It was only recently that I started to wonder, why I didn’t crave sugar anymore. At least not in the amounts I used to. It might be a bad habit that I still want my one or two pieces of chocolate after a meal. But that’s about it.
I figured it has everything to do with the fact that I started to eat like my kids…
The happy thing is that nowdays I seldom get hypoglycaemic anymore, a condition that was a bit too familiar to me and caused (I suspect) bingeing.
Before children I used to regulate my eating and tried different diets. What is funny about this “diet” of mine is that I didn’t plan it or intentionally left anything out. But nowdays I find myself needing the “real food” even at work or when I’m not with kids.
So that’s what happened to me. I’m not saying that it’s what would necessarily happen to other people nor can I really give any advice not knowing what your habits are or how you live your life. But I hope that it at least helps knowing that sweet tooth can descend to something less dominating, sometimes without painful efforts. 🙂
Hannah, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I love that perspective. I have had the same philosophy about not wanting to model my sweet tooth for Happy and while our food isn’t very “sweet”, I’m still interested on my own (although, to be fair, I am probably more interested than actually having it. I think getting back to school for both of us with lots of structure and less tim to fill will be good for me! Random food question– because you mention having 3 boys and I am always looking for ideas– what do your boys love for breakfast? That is Happy’s least favorite meal and I am always looking for more ideas!
Hello again! This breakfast question is really tricky….it is actually challenging to get them to eat in the mornings. But I give them porridge with a sort of soup made of berries and juice. I don’t know it’s name in English, but it’s sweet and my boys love it! One of them likes to add also cottage cheese on top of it all
Oh, that sounds like something I would love, Hanna. And I am relieved to know that I am not alone with the breakfast challenge. I think if breakfast was 2 hours after waking up, Happy would be fine with eating, but 2 hours after he wakes up is after school starts. 🙂 We have a much easier time with weekend breakfast because it can happen a bit after he wakes up. And thanks for your back to school good wishes!
Just an afterthought, have you tried smoothies? My friend smuggles fruits, berries and vegetables into her childrens diet that way. Says she adds almond milk and sweetens the smoothie with honey. It could be easier to swallow in the mornings and he would have eaten breakfast 🙂
For some reason all of my reply didn’t register, but I hope You and your son have a great start of schoolyear!
Hi Rosie! I’m curious about how you handle your meal planning/grocery shopping routine when you’re traveling on the weekend, have company, or are otherwise prevented from the Friday night planning, Saturday morning shopping routine. I too aim to plan meals & shop weekly, often on Sunday afternoons. But in any of the above named circumstances it all gets thrown off, which typically means the entire week is thrown off and we end up eating out way more than I’d prefer because that feels easier than a week night grocery trip and spur of the moment “what should I cook?” incidents. I’d love your thoughts/suggestions!
Great question, Emily, because that is something that can definitely derail things. So, what I do when I plan for the next week is also make sure that I can go to the grocery store the next weekend. If I can’t (let’s say I am going to be out of town between Friday and Sunday), I go ahead and figure out when I can go. Can I go the Thursday before I head out of town or the Monday that I come back? If I cannot go until after the weekend, I go ahead and plan the meals for any other days between now and my next grocery trip– so maybe I am shopping for 10 days instead of 7. The other thing that I do, and this helps for unexpected events or if the day turns and I cannot cook the meal I planned that night, is go ahead and make doubles that I can freeze. This is especially easy to do with soup and some casserole-y type meals. So, typically, I always have a few things in the freezer that can be a quick go-to meal for us with some roasted or raw veggies on the side. Finally, when I do something like a soup, I will save a couple servings in small containers so I can thaw them out for easy lunches. Hope that helps!
aww cute!! im going to ask Luke these questions and see what I get. He started Kindergarten on monday 🙂 We took a mini road trip to Houston 2 weeks ago, 30 mins before getting home we turned on the radio and what do we hear from him? “Could yall turn that down, Im not interested in listening to music right now” lmao
Rosie, I am feeling your anxiety, your pain, your deep, deep love, and I worry with you — for all of our children. What a beautiful and powerful piece. Thank you for sharing the thoughts that we don’t talk about so easily. Your love is palpable. Happy is a lucky boy. One day, I hope none of this is even understandable. Until then – your work and your writing are helping us all to heal and grow.
Thanks so much, Melisa. The worry is indeed for all of our children, how we as a global community can quit fearing each other enough to start loving one another, to move past assumptions and into more peace (within ourselves and with each other). And there is indeed the possibility that one day none of this will be understandable; that we will lay that foundation down so that our grandchildren say, “WHAT USED TO HAPPEN?” and are as shocked about this as we are about other parts of history. Thank you for being a powerful, beautiful partner in that healing and growth!
Oh, Rosie… You made me cry. Thank you for this eloquent expression of the fears that all mothers face but that are so much more intense for mothers of children of color today. My heart hurts after reading this piece. Thank you for being brave enough to face these fears and to do all you are doing to make changes in our thinking and our actions. Happy is a lucky boy to have you as his mama and I think you and Happy will make a difference.
And thank you, Kip for being the type of person and raising the type of children (and grandchildren) who are making this type of difference in this world. Together, we can do it. You are loved!
Beautifully written….
My kids are 17 and 19….and I wish I could say it gets easier as they get older. I want to give you a quick and easy phrase to help you feel better. I just don’t have one. What I do have….is my growing and evolving perspective on life. We each walk our own path. We can’t walk someone else’s….not even our children’s. They have their own unique path. We can support and encourage them….but they have to take the steps on their path. And it is easy to be scared of the stones on the path so far ahead that seem dark and daunting. But sometimes, just love them while they take the next step or two.
Fear is what causes the things we are afraid of happening. Other people’s fear….having no control of other people and their fear. And knowing what we can do in the meantime, so as not to just ignore the injustices in the world. But I think it starts with more love and less fear….to begin a shift in consciousness everywhere to make the same shift.
I know I sound hippie dippy…..it’s just how I have had to frame things as my children grow….and it has helped me :-/
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Jamie, Not hippie dippy at all. In fact, if we all loved more and let go of our fears (under the false illusion that our fears can keep us safe), the world would be so much more peaceful and less threatening to every single one of us. Here’s to that shifting consciousness!
You always leave me speechless with the powerful way you share your warmth, insight and now your fear.
Thank you, this was so moving.
Thank you so much for reading, Andi, and for sharing this lovely encouragement. I am honored and humbled. Have a lovely week!
Great post! I had a boyfriend cheat on me in high school too and I remember going through a similar process… Until graduation I was basically fighting all of my emotions and instincts to appear kind and rational no matter what. Feeling such a complete clash between how I felt and how I was “supposed” to act was a big issue for me my senior year, although it had me reading more about gender and society which lead to me discovering feminism, which was cool as a whole. I’ve finally decided I’ve had enough of people like that. Now I only date people who respect me and it has been much better since. Anyway…you go girl!
Thanks so much for sharing, Kari. I wouldn’t change the experience for the world as it taught me so much about who and how I wanted to be in the world and how to support others. And it, indeed, changed the quality of my relationships moving forward! Here’s to powerful lessons learned! You go, girl, too!
Thank you so much for your support Rosie!
Also I think I’ve tracked down the source of your problem donating, there’s 2 links on the donations page, one for inside the UK and one for people outside the UK.
Thirdly, are you happy for me to put these photos on the ASPIRE photo gallery?
Cheers, Cate xxxxx
absolutely and I hope you’ll share the outside the UK here, too! Thank you for creating this effort, Cate!
Congratulations, Rosie!! This excerpt is so powerful and poignant. Sadly, I think most women can relate to it all too well. You have such courage, my friend, and talent, too. But most of all you have a huge generous heart. You lift us all higher with the work you do and the stories you share with such candor. Thank you!
I pledge to be my own body champion. The first statement I will be making a conscious commitment to embrace is to love my body & my self. The first step in doing so is to look in the mirror & say “I Love You”.
What a great post – I’ll definitely keep the weather I’m bringing in mind as my week begins.
Stasia from Thrift Me Pretty worked her magic on me in more than one way. Girl, you will LOVE her.
I use the LIFT app on my phone to help me establish new goals. Check it out for quitting Coke and cardigans. High fives and lots of support.
Thanks for posting this – I am so inspired I am currently making my list of 45. Seriously, should have started this biz in my 20s!
Love you, girl!
xo
Live Music and Trivia night??!! I would so be ur girl.. dang this long distance friendship 🙂
A 2 day retreat? Im down!
Happy birthday!!!
You look great! 🙂 Thank you for your blog, it really helps me!
Thanks so much, Elena! I am so happy to hear that. Have a wonderful weekend!
I love the Christmas Carol story. It brought back the memory or my daughter singing Silent Night…..Holy Infant so tender and WILD!! Ha, ha!
Love your blog Rosie. Have a wonderful holiday season. Chris
What class is this from? Can anyone take it?
Hello Bailey! I teach a class of Body Image at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.
Thank you Rosie. Every year, since a while now, you help me focus on what is essential in my life but mostly in my way to share moments with the persons I love. I can’t wait for the “New Year personal summit”…
Happy New Year to Beautiful You, Rosie, and to every one of the beauties in this community! 🙂 I usually chose my word for the year in late December; last year it was “Release,” which morphed into the phrase “Let Go.” (Which, I hasten to say, resonated for me before I heard the track from Frozen!:) It was the perfect word for me; for the first few months, I aligned with it daily, several times a day. Eventually, it became more or less automatic . . . so much so that I know I am carrying it into this year. The word for 2015 is ACTION! I made an ACTION PLAN to carry me toward my three primary goals for the year. Right now, I’m reading the plan every day to keep myself aligned with it.
You and your writing are such gifts! Thank you for another year of gems!
i read your book “beautiful you” twice!
it is written wonderfully for any woman
being multi ethnic myself i am very thankful for your work!
keep up the inspiration and the healing of mindsets thru your words!
Thanks so much, Reen! I am honored that Beautiful You found its way to you and that it resonated with you! I look forward to seeing you around here again!
Thank you for this post. I had been mulling over my “one Days”, and decided to leap right in and create the day. Actually, it was more like an igniting and it propelled me at warp speed into taking action.I’m not one to share a lot in a public forum typically, so to call the move a step outside the comfort zone is an understatement. I began a blog.( saves on all the trees massacred to supply my notebook library..to be sure.).
thanks again, Rosie. I so enjoy your writing.
Thank you so much for sharing, Shella. I love that you hopped right in. Keep giving every day everything you’ve got (and I hope you’ll keep me posted!).
No, surely not about the cupcake! But besides addressing trust issues, it seems that working on truly giving your self permission to eat whatever you want would be helpful. I mean, if that were so, you could access cupcakes whenever you’d please and they’d have a lot less power over you!
Thanks so much for stopping in, Lori! I can assure you that this situation REALLY wasn’t about the cupcake and was much more about communication and communication styles. I definitely allow myself to eat whatever I’m craving, whenever though in my effort to write it comically years ago that may not have come across as clearly as I intended. Hope to see you around here again!
“…it finally occurred to me that I could avoid the whole crisis cycle if I just incorporated basic self-care into my daily life.”
Oh, YES! Talk about a light bulb moment! I feel like I’ve slowly been getting this, but subconsciously: thank you for putting it front and center!
So glad that resonated, Chibi! Life keeps handing us the lesson we need to learn until we learn it, doesn’t it? Wishing you wonderful sustenance.
What a delight to find your website. You must let me know how you are! I’ve been wondering about you for years!
Mr. Jones, So good to hear from you! I am doing great– hope you are well, too. Are you still teaching? I sure hope so! I think of you so often (especially when someone calls an event the First Annual instead of Inaugural) and everything I learned from you! So great to see you pop up here. Wishing you all the best!
Rosie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Deepest condolences. Prayers for you and your family.
Rosie,
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sending lots of love to you and your family, dear Rosie.
That was beautiful and spot on! I’m sorry for your loss and dread the days it happens to me. I will pray for you and your family.
Beautifully spoken, truly from your heart, Zita will be missed by so many especially myself. Love you
Thank you for sharing your mom’s eulogy with us. It was so inspiring and beautiful. You touched many lives with your insight about what is most important in our lives. Your mom was an amazing woman. She raised an amazing daughter. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May God bless you with peace.
This was a beautiful tribute to your mother. Deepest condolences to you and your family on your loss. May her memories leave you with comfort of her lasting legacy that will always stay with you.
Thank you for sharing this. You were both so lucky to have obviously loved each other so deeply. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much, Andi. A wise friend told me that “I am lucky to be so sad” were words that really helped her in her grief and I’ve really remembered and clung to that truth in these past few months.
I meant to sign up for this last year! Realizing the school year has begun am I too late to join?
Thanks so much for your interest, Andi! We are so grateful! I will have our Program Manager, Mary Kathryn Elkins, email you about the possibility!
Exquisitely verbalised. I am there with you. How beautiful the place to be able to relish in. Thank you for finding the words until you unfold again.
Barbara
Thank you so much for sharing. It’s very inspirational.
If you haven’t enjoyed the work of Mark Nepo, particularly Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, I recommend it at this juncture.
Thanks so much for the recommendation. I am going to go look it up right now! Have a great week!
Thank you for being an example of honoring the ebbs and flows of life. We are here. Holding space and listening alongside you.
Hi Rosie! This is a great idea. My birthday just passed and I really want to do a list this year. Thanks for the ideas to help me get started.
Happy belated birthday! I hope you’ll share some of the items that make your list, Marina!
I always love seeing your list. You’re inspiring me to make one! Happy early birthday!!
Thanks so much, Anna! I would love to see your list!
Thank you so much for including the Curvy Yoga DVD! I LOVE you, too!!
Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf is a book I’ve been recommending to everyone I can. I read it this fall and immediately went back on the waiting list for it at the library so I could read it again (something I rarely do!). Quite possibly the best novel I’ve read in a decade.
Thanks so much for this recommendation, Anna– I haven’t even heard of it but off to request it right now. Cannot wait to read!
Lift has such a pleasant lightness to it! I hope that your word manifests in all sorts of beautiful ways for you this year.
I usually pick practical, action-oriented words, but this year I selected magnetic as mine. Since I always feel like I have to work or scramble for anything I want I thought I’d push myself outside my own limits and see what things/experiences/people come to me if I’m not running around trying to make myself worthy. Since this word a bit conceptual (for me), I’ve been in a get-to-know-you period. I appreciate your tips/help in the blog post, and think that the suggestions will help (thanks!).
I love magnetic, Nancy! I especially love that you challenged yourself to pick a conceptual word that isn’t all about doing and seeking out and more about attracting the light (and the like). I cannot wait to hear what you attract in 2016. Happy New Year!
Rosie, I feel like we’re on the same page – I’ve just gotten back to journaling, too! That’s been one of my greatest enjoyments lately. Also in the middle of “The Art of Memoir” by Mary Karr – I’m loving reading without having to send in any annotations! 😉
I remember feeling that way about reading and not annotating, Claire! I also went on a huge no-non-fiction binge for awhile because I couldn’t turn off the analyzer in my brain (how did she do that? etc.) and just enjoy. Glad you are not taking non-fiction out of your life. Art of Memoir is on my list! And hooray for the breath of fresh air that gentle journaling is right now!
Desire Map Journal looks very interesting and I just ordered one of those crossbody bags. I have been looking for one too.
Oh, I hope you love it, Marina. Which pattern did you get?
Hi Rosie,
Thank you for the crossbody bag mention! I can’t wait to check out “Toys Meet Snow” for my daughter, Maika:)
Thanks for making a great bag. Hope Maika loves the Toys books. They are delightful!
Thank you for this! This is exactly the message we women (and men!) need to keep sharing until low-self image is in the past. Miracorp is a powerful short film about self-image and how we perceive ourselves. The film portrays how devastating low self-image can be for a person, and how it can destroy lives. Help us get this message out! Here’s a short video about the film, including a few behind the scene insights. If we can get people who are struggling to connect with this film and help one person, we will have succeeded. Such a powerful message we should all hear and share.
https://vimeo.com/155179650
Ummm…yes! Wow this is a big way to flip that script. We are each uniquely made, not imperfect. Thank you! <3
I needed to read this today. Thanks, Rosie. Sometimes I need someone to pull me out of my own head!
We all do, Lisa! So glad this was helpful to you on your journey! Now, keep cutting off that voice in your head!
I am so grateful this young girl has you in her life. There are so many of us who could have used a mentor like you in our youth. Thank goodness we can listen to and hear you now. <3
Oh, I love this idea about setting a daily minimum self care routine, especially as summer begins for our family. I’ve been writing down daily and weekly habits for myself that is sort of an “ideal” list, but I would be good to have a minimum self care list. Thanks for the idea!
So happy that your path was guided to a place where you could retreat and focus and that you shared your experience with your readers. Loved the excerpt – more, more, more!
You my friend are sooo loved and I read your words through tears, because I know your loss. Before the loss of my father, when a friend would lose a parent, I always was sad for them…but I didn’t get it. Not really. Now I do. Oh how I do. Now, when any of my friends lose a parent, my heart aches and tears stream. The pain I went through – I know my friends are going through that now and I just hurt for them. 4 years since my dad’s passing, I can say that the pain is still there, but it does become different. Tolerable. Sort of.
As for your voice – Your Mom would want to hear your voice. Your son needs to hear your voice. Your loved ones, BF, Dad, your brother and sister, your friends all need to hear your voice…but most importantly – YOU need to hear your voice. It’s okay Lovie, take the time you need…we will be here for you when you are ready! LOVE YOU!!!
Thank you so much for this gorgeous reassurance, Suez. You are so loved, girlie.
So glad you wrote this! Grief is crazy isn’t it? I keep finding reasons not to choreograph – the other day I went from maybe I won’t make another dance to maybe I’ll just make a shitty dance in less than 30 seconds. It’s so hard… Love to you, my friend!
Chrissy, it’s a crappy sisterhood we are in, isn’t it (though you are great person to be in any sisterhood with, to be fair). It’s fascinating how grief works and how it can impact one’s creativity. Your reference about making a shitty dance for 30 seconds reminds me so much of the Anne Lamott writing advice to just write a shitty first draft when you cannot do anything else because at least the shitty first draft can be molded into more. Here’s to piecing together shitty drafts and dances until we get to the other side. xoxoxo
Sending light and love to you, dear one.
Gathered and embraced, Katey. Thank you.
I am just catching up on your blog. This post is so honest and raw. Thank you for pouring out your heart. I have learned so much from your open spirit. Keep shining your beautiful light.
Thank you, Jaime. I am so grateful for your kindredness.
I hope it will be available in Amazon. I will be checking it out.
Yes, it is available now! Thanks so much!
Heartfelt congratulations Rosie!
Oh thank you so much, Cecile. I have been thinking of you! Happy week!
To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says or does something harmful. This seems like IMPOSSIBLE but I guess it just requires practice and forgiving myself if I can’t do it perfectly at first. <3 Emily
Love this, Emily. And remember, nothing is imperfect. Any effort is progress. You’ve got this. Just use “why do you ask” or “this isn’t a productive conversation for us to have” to start easily. Wishing you all the best!
to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I chose this sentence because I am not a sugar addict anymore. For a long time, I’ve eaten soooo much sugar ( cookies after lunch, cakes or chocolate bars after work, or a candy before going to bed). In France there are so many amazing pastries( croissant, éclairs au chocolat, choux à la crème )!! But I had to make a choice between my sweet tooth or my health and of course, I chose my health. And I wish for myself a long journey with my body as a vessel. ( sorry for my bad English, I’m French)
To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says or does something harmful.
Oh my, my post got deleted. Here, I try once again….
I wake up each morning and rehearse what I might respond to anyone who comments on my food choices, size or weight that day. I find being prepared is essential.
Each day, I start off giving myself a gentle hug and repeating that I choose not to engage in conversations related to my size, weight or food, etc.
I also practice saying that members of my health care team don’t recommend opinions from anyone unfamiliar with their approach.
I used to get derailed by intrusive comments but no longer. These rehearsed responses sort of deflect the conversation away from my plate, my size, or whatever, and allow for more appropriate boundaries.
As needed, I repeat them to “outsiders” with my head held high.
To change my inner monologue…
I need to be nicer to myself & think positive things, not negative
To understand that a body is like a fingerprint: a wonderful embodiment of my uniqueness.
Love this!
To change my inner monologue to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, and blessings not imperfections. —I need to reframe and reset my mindset about my otherness embodiment here and what an optimistic approach may be, starting with forging and nurturing real, authentic, genuine, fulfilling relationships with similar others in solidarity as we navigate marginalization in spaces and places.
Thank you so much to all of your for your commitment to greater self-acceptance- it’s a gift to you and the world– and congratulations to Amanda for winning the signed copy of Beautiful You! I’ll be in touch about getting it to you!
Essential Question Jar – what a great idea – I think this will be fun w/my teen boys – a nice way for us to ‘pause’ at dinner.
Thank you. I really appreciate this article. I have been struggling through a new marriage, step-coupling (6 children), bought a new house, etc… I feel lost lately and enjoyed the reminders.
Sending you love and light as you navigate this transition, Suzanne.
I’m with you. And, I love this list. Today a friend and I were talking about how we can do what we do and make the world and the neighborhood and the school and the grocery store and all of it just a little bit better when it feels so hard right now. And what we know is this: it’s about connecting with one another. Saying thank you. Looking others in the eye. Shaking hands. Giving hugs. Being kind. Lifting each other up so that we can also be lifted. Remembering that everyone matters, everyone has a purpose here and that even in the very moment of despair there can be love and beauty and possibility. Thanks for this post. I’m with you. And your post has lifted me.
You just LIFTED me up at a very specific moment in time when I needed it. Thank you my friend for always being that light we all cherish and so desperately need!
I so love the deep (!) sense you are able to see in the word “lift”. The reflections you share with us so honestly, also sustain my own progression – and I guess not only mine! Your blog is really a great gift – YOU are a great gift to the world! Take care!
Beautiful lines.
I love Anna too and I especially love this suggestion.
‘Let the final relaxation at the end of class be a time to first notice how you feel, then ask yourself to notice what it feels like in your body when you connect with your intention, then let yourself rest with that sensation. ..
Thanks!
Yes, such a powerful, on-point reminder, Dona. Thanks for really emphasizing its beauty!
I REALLY love this idea…looks like I have a project for tonight! Thank you <3
http://www.shipwithnosails.com
Love this post! I love how your boy is learning quickly to recognize differences in a good way. Thanks so much for sharing!
Dear Rosie,
yes, it is definitely inspiring! I admire how honestly you analyze the situation and take measure, even if it is uncomfortable! I usually first tend to ignore things (“come on, tomorrow will be a better day”), and it often takes me a while to accept it… before I finally can start “healing the roots”. For some years I took selenium for one-two months, it helped me a lot out of the deep exhaustion I felt.
In a hard phase of my life, I lost/forgot everything possible: not only things and appointments of any kind, I even forgot to pick up a child at the Kindergarden (!)…
Tipp: both my grandma and my mother once “lost” their wallet, and both found it again… in the fridge!
Take care of you! Warmest greetings!
I will have to look into selenium, Cecile! And thank you for sharing that Kindergarten story. Once, i went to the grocery store to pick up Happy from school. I got there and was SO confused. I haven’t put anything in the fridge yet but I am sure it is coming! Hugs to you, sweet friend!
I like your guiding system “Stomach bubbles with trouble”. It is great to have a guiding system that alerts us when we are dealing with toxic people. I agree with you that it is important to seek out positive life affirming environments. Positive uplifting people and environments help us to be happier
To answer your question about how to create relationships that nurture us, I believe it starts with the relationship with ourselves, it starts with self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth. We need to nurture ourselves, to love ourselves; then our relationships will reflect back to us love and support.
Yes, indeed, it really does start with our relationship with ourselves, Judith. So well-said! Thank you.
Rest when my body needs rest.
This is I think the body kindness practice that I most need to improve; thank you for this reminder, Jen. And sweet rest to you!
I practice body kindness by throwing out the things you’re “supposed to do” to lose weight that I absolutely hate (running!!!) and I reward myself with time to do my favorite things. Swimming has long been a favorite way to work out that doesn’t feel like “working out”. I also recently found strength training and I love it too. Doing things my body loves help me to be kinder to myself.
Yes, finding our own joyful movement is revolutionary! Love that you have given yourself permission to do what’s right for you, Jen.
To practice body kindness, I offer myself grace. At 7 months postpartum, I look in the mirror and remind myself that I grew a human being in my belly for 9 months and still serve as her sole provider for food. Regardless of how it may look now, my body is amazing, strong and beautiful!
Love a grace practice, Marisa. We can be so great at offering it to others and so stingy to offer it to ourselves. Love that you are so passionately recognizing what your body offers both you and your daughter!
I practice body kindness to myself by going to bed early when I feel run down. I wish to practice body kindness by loving certain body parts, like my thighs and stomach, more!
I am working on an earlier bed time, Theresa, so I loved this reminder! And I love that you articulated how you want to practice more kindness. Awareness is the first step!
More yoga! It’s tough to find time for it with everything else in my life but when I manage to practice on a regular basis I’m calmer and feel better about myself.
Isn’t it amazing how if we can make time for the thing we don’t think we have time for, it changes everything. Love that you make that time, D.G.
I practice body kindness by connecting with nature first thing in the morning. It makes me smile to feel the grass under my feet and to hear the birds greeting the new morning with such joy makes my heart want to sing! My body is the happiest when I am outdoors!
So glad that you discovered this about your needs and grant it to yourself, Delisa. I find the outdoors to such a sanctuary, too. And– great news– you won the copy of Body Kindness. I’ll be in touch by email!
I practice body kindness by doing yoga and trying to eat the foods that I really enjoy rather than just the foods I think I “should” eat.
I love that your body kindness is centered around permission, Jenna. We can get so stingy with ourselves. Just lovely!
When I catch a reflection of myself in a window and begin the judgement loop, I stop, breathe put my hand on my heart and say, “I am loving, kind and beautiful.” Critic has be stopped in her tracks…
Love this, Alicia. Indeed, nobody has time for a mean girl voice in one’s head. Glad that you are stopping her and reframing the conversation!
I practice body kindness by going to counseling and a Women’s Trauma Group to learn new tools to be kind to myself. To see the good in me. To believe in myself.
Such a wonderful kindness, Debra. I fully believe that counseling is one of the best personal investments we can make. So glad that you are offering yourself that care!
Thanks so much I needed some fresh prompts that weren’t repeats of ones I already have. I especially like the sentence starters! I am a huge journal writer and fill a thick journal every 4-8 weeks.
Tears. Beautiful, as always, my friend. xo
“No more will I accept society’s belittlement of my home. For my body is my house.” Wow! I’d never thought of it in quite that way before.
This continuum is the gift I needed for the Holiday 2017 season. Although I love to bake for special occasions, events at the homes of my relatives trigger major depression for me. Sometimes I can hide it, other times I have imploded and escaped to a bedroom. Sometimes I just cry alone. Bon Noel for me! So that’s it. Four years of this is enough (until recently we lived in different states). Luckily I am able to use active compassion when I am talking to my family, but now I can come from a place of true compassion for myself. I will feel much happier baking for people in my community around whom I feel a sense of worth, not ego, but self-worth. I have a sneaking suspicion my relatives mat not be living wholeheartedly either, but that is for them to work on. This is the first brilliant light of Christmas for me, and proof that God works through people.
April, I love that this resonated with you and how it is making you concretely think about your choices. And I completely understand about those difficult holiday moments (in fact, you might appreciate this post: https://rosiemolinary.com/2016/11/21/your-holiday-gift-to-yourself/) so I am sending you so much love and light as you make your choices and hold your boundaries. Wishing you all good things!
Thank you for the reminder.
I would like to go on one of these retreats. Could you please tell me if you are having 2018?
Hello Judy! I am not sure what my retreat schedule will be for 2018 but the best way to be made aware of them is to sign up for my newsletter, if you haven’t already. I always share things there! Thank you!
Hi Rosie,
Thank you so much for sharing my ebook and resources for people looking for help with their eating disorder. I really appreciate your work and what you’re up to. Keep it up…you are making a difference in this world. xx
With love and light,
Polly Mertens
I like the comparison of each body with a fingerprint. I will try to focus on my body’s strengths and to not be upset with myself because of my size.
I can relate to thinking about “ghost lives.” I like that you say they are “funhouse mirrors,” and that these imaginary lives happen in a vacuum. We never really know what might have happened. The most important thing is to live the life we have.
Oof. This is so, so good. Thank you.
My word is Adventure.
THERE ARE ALWAYS RISKS EVEN WHEN YOU CONSULT WITH YOU DOCTOR ABOUT WHAT EXERCISES YOU SHOULD DO DURING THE WEEK. IT IS MUCH MORE COMPLEX WITH BREAST SURGERY BUT ALL THE POSSIBILITIES ARE DISCUSSED WITH THE SPECIALIST
Hi Rosie! It’s Regena Brown from UNCC. I just signed myself and my friend up for visionSpark Davidson! This helped me so much a few years ago to think about that year but to also plan for the future. I have met EVERY SINGLE GOAL and now need to focus at this new level. I look forward to seeing you and working with you in January!
I love this update, Regena. How awesome I am so glad that I’ll see you soon and that this workshop can serve you in identifying what you most want and need next. Cannot wait to hear all about it!
With many new challenges and changes this holiday season I have found it helpful to take time for myself and adhere to my personal boundaries.
Taking long walks with my beautiful, sweet dog on the beach….stopping for a wonderful cappuccino, writing to my loved ones, buying small & thoughtful gifts for some people I care about. ……not getting dressed up and allowing myself to be myself…….this truly is the best gift I can give myself and by nourishing my soul I have more loving abundance for others….
I love this intention, Elaine, and how you are soaking up the best the holiday has to offer and letting the other parts go. Enjoy!
My my you have certainly inspired me.This whole 38 thing can be overwhelming.I am Definitely going to get started on my birthday list.Thank You I needed this. Momofmanygirls!
Beautiful post! Lovely reminders and suggestions for self care! Reposting this in my queue!
I will take myself on a short excursion to a local shop and savor a nap for myself today!
What will YOU do for yourself today?
Thank you for the blog, I work in mental health, and all of the things you said about sitting with out thoughts without putting energy into them is spot on. When my mind goes down the rabbit hole of panic or anxiety, I have to tell myself, “Thank you, mind.” It’s a way to acknowledge the thoughts (because we can’t change our thoughts), and validate that they are there without giving it a ton of energy. When we tell ourselves that the thought we are having is bad, we then start to blame ourselves. If we look at a thought as something that just comes and goes, it’s much easier not to judge it.