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When we are in a hairy situation that brings up a lot of feelings, we usually stuff down those feelings with something along the lines of, “Oh, I’ll just think about that when I am done.”  But what if there is no end in sight?  What if you don’t know when you’ll be done?  What then?  Sometimes (and let me be honest here and say that I really believe that this should be almost all the time with very rare exception), you need to be able to process on the fly but when you are in the midst of feeling all those feelings, it is sometimes hard to know where to go with your processing.

A couple weeks ago, a dear friend wrote with this conundrum.  She’s at a milestone point right now in her work, and it has brought up a lot of feelings for her.  There are no imminent plans for a work change (she doesn’t want to just move from one thing to another without really thinking through what’s the right fit) and so she wants to unpack some of the stuff she’s thinking so she can use it as a guide.   Sound familiar?  Try these prompts as your spark this week to help you process mid-stream.

It has been X amount of time.  That’s incredible.  What celebrations do you have both personally and professionally?

What are some of the most valuable lessons you have learned over this time?

Describe yourself at the beginning of this opportunity.  In addition to any longer descriptors, include five words that describe how you felt at that time.

Describe yourself mid-way through this experience.

Describe yourself now, including give words that describe how you feel.  How are you different from the woman you were when you started?

What have you lost in this experience?  What have you gained?

Do you have any resentments or anger from this experience so far?  What are they?  How can you internally or externally resolve them?  Are you ready to do so?  Why or why not?

What do you want to be doing more of in your life- personally and professionally?

What do you want to be doing less of in your life- personally and professionally?

What did you say yes in this past year that should have been a no?  Looking back, why did you say yes?  What can you learn from this?

What did you say no to in this past year that should have been a yes?  Looking back, why did you say no?  What can you learn from this?

What advice would you give the woman you were when you started?

What advice do you have for yourself right now?

What gifts do you have to offer the world?  What is special about the way you offer those gifts?

Make a list of words that resonate with you.  Then, write a mission statement—even if it is just a draft to get you started.  Need a formula, try something like Through (adjective that describes how you are in the world), another adjective, and another, I (verb that sums up your core offering- maybe offer, empower, inspire, teach, etc) and then your impact with any necessary descriptors.  How can this mission statement serve as a guide to you?

What do you believe your mission is in this space for however long you hold this position?

What do you still have to gain, learn, experience in this position?

What rules do you have for yourself moving forward?

What does the next right opportunity need to have in order to be right for you?

What will you give a sense of peace right now?  Can you give that to yourself?

Have you ever woken up the morning of an important something and something (test, presentation, meeting, etc.) and the feeling in the pit of your stomach– the nerves- are screaming at you that you are just NOT ready?

Do you start scrambling then, trying to figure out how to get out of the situation, because, obviously, if your stomach knows what it is talking about, it’s going to be a total bomb?

This week, I want you to rethink those nerves.  I want to challenge you to realize that your stomach doesn’t actually know what it’s talking about– that’s why it is a stomach and not a mouth or brain.

Here is what I have figured out about those butterflies I get in my stomach.  They are not an indication that I am not ready.  They are an indication that what I am walking into, what I am preparing to do, is something that really matters to me.  My butterflies say, “you care about this” not “you should not be doing this.”  And when you realize that, you can move powerfully forward.

So what to do when butterflies show up, telling you how much something matters to you?

Step 1:  Prepare.  Put the work into preparing for the test, the presentation, the meeting.  Write a script for the talk you are giving and don’t just plan on reading them when it comes to present.  Practice it over and over again.  Meeting with someone?  Think through what might come up and make sure you have the details you need to make your case, support your position, or present your ideas.  Same thing for a test.  Really, truly prepare for it.  For whatever it is, give yourself what you need on the front end so that you can resolutely tell yourself that you have done the work to be there.

Step 2:  Give yourself what you need.   In addition to doing the work to get ready, you need to give your body and mind whatever they need to be in their best form.  Go to bed early.  Eat breakfast.  Have some quiet time.  Meditate.  Stretch.  Do whatever it is that gives you a nice sense of peace and a feeling of wellbeing.  

Step 3:  Go for it.  When the time comes to take that test, present your workshop, or confer in that meeting, let your brilliance shine.  You’ve prepared.  You’ve cared for yourself. And you know this matters to you.  Let your light shine.  When something matters to you, don’t be afraid to show that heart to others.  That passion and fervor is an important part of what we have to offer.  Radiate.  It’s contagious.     

Step 4:  Debrief.  After you wrap up the meeting, test, presentation or whatever else it was, unpack it.  But, before you do, remember that we don’t fail.  All of our experiences are just information.  And so, you were probably awesome, but if you have  a pesky self-conscious who isn’t always self-accepting, you may not see that and you may want to be all harky and self-judging.  Don’t do it.  Instead, turn on your more objective analyst and think through what you would do the same, differently, at what point, etc.  Learning from our present day experiences is actually a really powerful way to reduce nerves in the future because it better informs us of how to prepare for next time.  

Do you battle nerves?  What situations really work you up?  How do you deal with them?