It is all journey…

For the longest time, I was frustrated with the idea of self-acceptance because it seemed so elusive. I’d have it for a moment; a crystal-clear moment where I understood it wasn’t any of my business what someone else thought of me, that it wasn’t how I looked that I matter but who I was, where I could block out the noise of other people’s opinions and society’s standards and just breath into being myself.

And then I’d wake one morning, walk into the bathroom, unsuspecting, and see something in the mirror that I didn’t like or hear myself say something that wasn’t who I wanted to be.

“But wait,” I would think.  “Wasn’t I okay yesterday?”

I wanted so much for self-acceptance to be a destination that I reached then parked myself in with minimal effort needed from me moving forward. I wanted to earn self-acceptance like I had earned an A, and someone would give me a certificate and that certificate could never be taken from me.

Except that’s not how self-acceptance works. It’s actually all process and journey and not a destination. It is beginning again over and over again. And though that truth is contrary to what I wanted, realizing it was so liberating.

Here is the thing about self-acceptance and self-care, it is all journey. We have to choose them over and over again (and that choice is not always effortless), we have to nurture and prioritize and practice them or they will slip through our fingers, letting us go back to where we were before… like Sisyphus and that damn boulder.

When I realized that self-acceptance and self-care weren’t destinations, when I realized that I had to choose them over and over again, when I realized that all of life is journey, I was finally liberated. Our journey (and trying to be present and engaged with our energy during our journey) is the very point of our life. And some days- because of circumstances, anxiety, depression, a physical change, a condition, etc.- are just harder than others when it comes to self-acceptance.

I remember taking a course in college on Buddhism and being captivated by beginner’s mind, this idea of having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject.  I was struck by the fact that I was so often rapt by the world, by my friends, by most everything before me.  And, yet, I never had that same reverence, rapt attention, and wonder for myself. What if I had beginner’s mind about myself? How could that change me?  The concept of beginner’s mind, of curiosity, allowed me to begin to see the things that rattled me as not absolutes but information.  Today, I am anxious about this.  What is that about, I could ask myself.  And try to drill down to find the answer while resisting the urge to label myself as bad or broken or wrong.

Just for today, I want you to remember that self-acceptance is a journey not a destination and, given this, some days will be harder than others. On those days, I want to encourage you to approach those difficulties with a beginner’s mind. Hmm, I am uncomfortable with this, what is that about? I feel more anxious; what could help me here?  Pay attention without condemnation. Let wonder and curiosity guide you back to yourself. And then begin again, step by step, on your own everlasting journey.