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At the end of each semester, my body image students write a process paper where they synthesize their learning- both personal and academic- for the semester. These papers are always a delight to read and there is so much wisdom in them that I just have to share a fraction of it (with my students’ permission, of course) with you. Here, some wise words from my students this semester. May they buoy and give you hope and inspiration the way they did me.

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One of my favorite lessons is when you heavily emphasized, “Your soul is your gift to the world.  Find what lights your fire.”  In college, there are so many pressures to do this and that while acing your classes, building your resume, and finding a tiny bit of time for a social life.  Once I started acknowledging that I need to pursue my passions and stop worrying about everything else, my life got a lot easier.  Fast forward a few months and here I am doing the things that I love; even though I am taking eighteen hours and working two jobs, I am enjoying every minute of it and finding new passions on the way.  It is funny how a simple reminder to pursue what you love can reduce stress, make you enjoy life more, and keep you grounded. ~ Olivia

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There are three concepts I want to keep in mind as I continue my self-acceptance journey. (1) Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don’t have to accept their opinions as my truth. (2)  Discussing bodies with others is so boring. There are so many other things to talk about than my body or someone else’s. (3) I want to focus on the feelings and signal my body gives me rather than how my body looks, especially according to popular culture. I feel that keeping these things in mind will protect me from getting my feelings hurt, aid me in feeling good about myself and discovering other things to invest my time in.  ~Brianna

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For as long as I can remember, I have been walking this Earth worrying about what others thought of me; whether or not I was too fat, too dark, too quiet, too innocent.  I compared myself to each and every single female that crossed my path, and looked in the eyes of men to see what caught their attention.  I couldn’t figure out why my sister seemingly had the world at her feet. I couldn’t figure out what everyone had that I didn’t.  During the 20 years of my life, I have been searching for my happiness and my definition in everyone else.  I was searching for love and acceptance from people who didn’t know or care anything about me.  I now know that the main issue at hand was self-acceptance.  I needed to love and accept myself, and then come to terms that there is no single person that was meant to be like me.  My weight, my color, and my personality all make up the unique individual that I am.  ~Imani

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My epiphany moment came when we talked about teaching people how to treat us. I had always thought that either I would put up with someone treating me poorly or that I would just cut them from my life. I never saw it as an option to not just tell someone to not speak to me a certain way, but to then tell them what was and was not appropriate. As I write this it seems so ridiculous that I never thought of this because it sounds like such a simple concept. I’ve used this for a couple of people in my life and it has started to improve most of those relationships. It seems to go the same way each time because as soon as I tell them that what they are saying isn’t acceptable they are surprised and that makes me realize how much I’ve allowed people to treat however they felt like. It’s definitely been great for my relationships and just for my own wellness to use this idea in my life.  ~Brittany

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I want to be able to be a guiding force for those who are unsure, or not confident with themselves. I want to be able to help everyone see the beauty within themselves and realize that you live for you, and not for other people. Whenever someone makes a comment about their looks and appearance, I am quick to stop and correct them. I make sure that I tell every one of my friends and even people I don’t know, that they are beautiful. I don’t want anyone to go through life feeling as if they are not worthy of happiness and contentment. ~Kim

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The biggest “aha” moment was when you taught us about what it means to truly appreciate one’s body.  I have heard that sentiment before but always interpreted it to mean that we should embrace our distinct and unique looks.  When you explained it as appreciating your body because it is your vehicle to the world, I understood that body appreciation is not limited to looks – in fact, that’s the smallest portion… Inevitably, I reminisced on the poignant memories I have experienced because of my body, such as holding my sweet niece for the first time, driving through beautiful country roads, learning to ski, and so much more.  ~Olivia

I still remember how you walked in.

A few of you excited, some of you skeptical, most of you tired and trying to figure out if taking a three hour class on a Friday morning was a good idea.  “I’ll give her this class period,” you thought.  “She can audition for the chance to get to wake me on Friday mornings,” you decided.

And then something happened.

I asked you to introduce yourself, to tell me why you were here.  And while most of you didn’t want to say “I am here because of me, I am here because I don’t want to feel this way about myself anymore,” there was a light in each one of your eyes as we went around the room.  Lights so bright, so real, so insistent, that I knew just the right people had found this little corner from which I had issued an invitation.  I knew we were going to really learn from each other, that we were going to challenge one another, that we would laugh together, that we would all, in the end, feel like it was time well spent, that we would recharge and inspire one another.

Back then, you may have started your mornings with a derisive glance in the mirror, with a shunning of yourself.

Now, I hope that when you look in the mirror, you see what makes you powerfully, wonderfully, uniquely you.  On the outside, yes, but, even more importantly, on the inside.  I hope you see your humor and grace and inherent kindness lighting their way out of you.  I hope you see your magic because that is what I have seen every single Friday this semester.

I’ve seen the way you come in, hopeful and hungry, ready for the world to have greater meaning than what our bodies look like.  And I have seen you come into knowing that you have so much more to offer the world than your physical vessel.  I have seen you find your voice, no longer tucking words and ideas into yourself, but giving them a place in the world, to make a difference to you, to make a difference to someone else.  I have seen you get uncomfortable with the status quo and your role in maintaining it.  I have seen you become kinder- to others, yes, and to yourself- because you know there is no competition, that each of our journeys is so personal that it could never be a race and that every single journey is unending.  There is no destination; it is all journey.  We always get to grow. 

Most of all, I have seen you come into your own understanding that you have something to offer this world, that this world needs you and your unique solutions and point of view.

I have seen you dare to answer the call into your own greatness.    

On that first day of class, you told me your name, your major, your graduation year, your hometown, the last great book you read, and why you chose to take this class.  You said you needed Body Image class for your Women’s and Gender Studies minor, for your art major, for your public health concentration, because it fit into your schedule.  You maybe rolled your eyes at me and my instance that you are here on purpose, that this world needs the solutions you offer, at my belief that a poor body image isn’t really rooted in our body but in something much deeper, a greater unease that we must set right.

Today, you will walk out of the little sanctuary that we built together through truth telling, kindness, and patience, but, before you go, I will ask of you one last thing.  I will give you last assignment.

When you walk out of here, do so with your eyes up, wide open, ready to recognize and greet those who approach you not just because you know that other souls should be seen but also because you understand that to hide your soul from us is to deny the world of one of its greatest gifts- you. 

Meet your eyes in the mirror every day and forget about whether or not there’s a new sun spot or crease or pimple.  Instead, focus on the purpose and clarity and passion staring back at you, keep company with self-acceptance, and treat your body like a guest of honor to the party you are hosting because it is your vehicle to this amazing life, it is the tool you use to deliver your goodness into the world. 

Know that I believe in you.  I am so glad you were here.  I will miss you and hold you close as you walk into a world that needs everything that you uniquely and powerfully have to offer.

You are loved.  You are beautiful.  And there is infinite possibility ahead.  Get started.  

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Want to read the letter I wrote to my students for our first day of class?  Check it out here.

Here are past end of semester letters to my students:

Radiate Love  (Spring 2013)

An open letter to my students (Fall 2012)