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Happy New Year!  If you are like me, you awoke today with a feeling of possibility (yes, yes, today is the 2nd day of the year but it is the first Monday so the new year feels official to me now).

A whole new year awaits us.  Anything could happen.  And while the year ahead will have surprises for us that we never could have imagined, it is also very malleable and eager for us to fashion it into what we want from it.

Because I believe that intention matters, I like to start every year with three rituals.  In the first ritual, I get clear on what feeling I want to have in the new year because it is that desire, that deep truth, that will guide and inform most everything I do.  The second and third rituals see me defining my vision with a vision board and claiming my care with a wellness prescription.

Today we are focusing on ritual number one:  Choosing a word for the year.

What’s the first step to getting the life you imagine?

Having clarity about who and how you want to be in the world.

The thing that matters most in our growth is not articulating hard goals we have for ourselves- I want to run a marathon– but articulating how we want our lives to feel, how we want to feel, really assessing who and how we want to be in the world.  Because when we know that, we can build a life that allows us that feeling and then every day feels like we are living in our true calling.

Typically, our approach to transformation involves a list.  And if you know anything about me, you know I LOVE a list.  I rely on lists to get everything done.  From my comprehensive and a little bit crazy to do list  to my birthday list, lists are my things.  They are my tool of choice.  I get a lot of mileage out of my lists.  But my lists are not my starting point because here’s the thing:  a to do list is not transcendent.  It is an action plan.  Not a heart center.

So before I can write any list, I have to be in touch with my heart center.  There are many different ways that I do this, and one of those ways is by getting quiet at the beginning of each year so I can get clear on what intention I want to have in the new year– what focus, truth I want to guide my actions.

Intention is about having an internal resolve, a desire to move towards something that will serve you better as you move forward.  It is claiming the desire to live your life in a certain way so that things happen on purpose rather than by accident.  It is making life happen by your choices, energy, and focus rather than having life happen to you.  After setting an intention, you can claim your vision, and then it is after that vision has been formed that you can begin to move into action (and all those to do lists that articulate and motivate the necessary action).

When we really plug into our intention, we become inspired by our vision for our life which makes all of the actions that need to come to make our intention real more enticing and we become less resistant.  We move from all of those I shoulds into I really want to… and that makes all of the difference.

But, really, can one word really capture our intention?  Can it have that much power? As a woman who has loved words her whole life, here is what I can tell you: there may be nothing more powerful than a well chosen word.  Words resonate. They stir us. They attract (or repel) us. They inspire. There are times when I am reading poetry or a prose passage and I will catch on one simple word and it changes everything.  It brightens, expands, makes clear.  One simple word can have that power.

And so, every year, as December yields to January, I sit down and think about what I most want out of the new year. What feeling do I most want to have most regularly?  The first word I ever chose, back in my mid-twenties, was voice.  I wanted to know what I was about and then use my own voice to empower others to use theirs.  And when they couldn’t, I wanted to raise my voice for them.  The year I was a new mother, I chose peace.  I wanted to be still in my heart, to know deep inside that I was doing what was right even when the world beyond my heart was spinning.  The next year, I chose wellbeing as my first year of parenthood had seen me sacrifice my own well-being more than I could sustain much longer.  Another year, I chose wholehearted.  I wanted to get really pure with my actions– to, as much as is possible, only say yes to opportunities and experiences that I could be in with my whole heart.  I wanted everything (well, as much as possible as there are still dishes that have to be washed and I am not into those whole heart) I was doing to be an authentic extension of who I was and how I wanted to be in the world and not things I felt I must do out of obligation or politeness.

And it is amazing what choosing these words did to me.  They made my mind changed.  And when my mind changed, my actions could change, yielding more and more of the life that I wanted.  My intention became manifest.

So, this week, I want you to get quiet so that you can get as clear as possible about what feeling you want in your life and what intention you most need to focus on for that to become real.  Then, I want you to choose your word, your guide.  And as life unfolds, you will be presented with opportunities to either chose to embody your word or turn against it.  In those moments, I encourage you to always chose the route that will take you closer and closer to living your word; let it teach you what it can, let it guide you to where it can, let it make you more aware.  It is as simple as asking “will this make me more ______________ (whatever your word is)?” and listening closely to the answer.

What feeling do you want in 2017?  Given that, what is your word for the year?

As for my word, I am auditioning a few right now. You see, there are a few feelings I want in 2017.  I want a sense of ease, freedom from worries or obstacles that have burdened the last several (too many) years, greater abundance. I want life to be easier.  I want to have less to manage but more of the good stuff to enjoy. I want less resistance and weightiness in my life (and by weightiness I mean the stuff that weighs down one’s spirit). I want to shake up the parts of my life that are stale or overwhelming or overbearing and put things back together in a whole new way that allows for the liberating joy and bright light I seek and crave. I want to revolutionize the way my days look and the work that I do and let the things that aren’t most pure and authentic for me go. So the words I am auditioning right now are ease, freedom, and abudance.  On the surface, those might seem like different very words, very different intentions, but, to me, I see where they catch the same light and can each give me that feeling I most want to have.

~

And a simple note:  If you are a word hoarder like me, you might think that if one word is good then three or four or five might be better.  This is one of those cases where more is not better, I promise you. More confuses, dilutes, and drains focus.  One simple word is all you need.  I am holding myself to that advice and I encourage you to do the same.

Decided on your word for the year?  Share it here!

One of the very last things I do each year is sit down for a personal New Year Summit (this is a great bookend to the End of Year Personal Summit).  Why a personal summit at the New Year?  Because the first step to getting the life we imagine is having clarity about who and how you want to be in the world.  The thing that matters most in our growth is articulating how we want our lives to feel, how we want to feel, really assessing who and how we want to be in the world.  Because when we know that, we can build a life that allows us that feeling and then every day feels like we are living in our true calling.

A New Year Personal Summit is about getting clear about what you want for yourself which may or may not, ultimately, end up having something to do with resolutions or goals.  A New Year Personal Summit gets you quiet at the beginning of each year so you can get clear on what intention you want to have in the new year– what focus, truth you want to guide you actions.

Here are the details of the process in case you want to do the same for yourself.

Step 1.  Figure out what you want to feel in 2017.  

Intention is about having an internal resolve, a desire to move towards something that will serve you better as you move forward.  It is claiming the desire to live your life in a certain way so that things happen on purpose rather than by accident.  After setting an intention, you can claim your vision, and then it is after that vision has been formed that you can begin to move into action.

What feeling do you want to have most regularly in 2017?  What feeling does your life most need right now?

What would feeling like this add to your life?

How would your life change with this feeling?  What would your life look like if you were living with this feeling?

What behaviors are needed to live this feeling?

Get as clear as possible about what feeling you want in your life and what intention you most need to focus on for that to become real.  Then, if the idea speaks to you, you can choose your word for the year- the one word that will be a grounding and inspiration guide to you as you move through the year and embrace your possibilities (I will be sharing more about words for the year next week  if you want more perspective on that).

Step 2.  Figure out your yeses and your nos.  

Now, that you have a sense of your intention, it is time to captures your vision for the year and one way to get started with that is by getting clear about your yeses and nos.

How will your life be different at the end of 2017 if you are able to make the concept from step one more present in your life throughout the year?

What do you want or need your life to feel and look like to live that concept/feeling?

What do you need more of in your life to bring this concept and feeling into clarity?  This is your test list– the things you should be doing more often in your daily life.

What do you need less of in your life to realize this feeling?   What are the experiences, interactions, and responsibilities that strip you of what you need?  This is your no list– the things you should stop doing or do less of in order to realize the life that you imagine.

Compile your yes and no lists for a guide to your new year.

 Step 3  Name your priorities.  Design your action plan.   

I have several areas where I would like to devote some intention and attention this year.  And I could try to do them all starting today but then that is a whole lot of action all at once and is more likely to lead me to feeling overwhelmed..  So I like to look at my intentions and the actions they suggest and then prioritize future success in living my intention and vision

If an all-or-nothing approach to resolutions, goals, and/or intentions has been your downfall, loosen your grips on the absolutes. Instead, give yourself a range. Aim to make the choices you wish to make for 80 or 90 percent of the time, for example. Or aim to do one thing at a time– just for this week, I will go to bed at 10:30 and then next week you can add the sixty ounces of water a day and the next week you can add the fifteen minutes of reading daily (or whatever is on your mind).  Then, you have built grace into your experience of life. Knowing you don’t have to be perfect (and you know how I feel about perfect) can often be the impetus you need to move you closer to the life you desire.  Your resolutions, intentions, dreams, desires do not have to look like anyone else’s.

What first step are you ready to take?

What do you need to begin?

What is the scope and reality of taking that step?

When can you begin and how?

What is your next step?

And, as a gentle and motivating reminder, what do you want to be manifested for yourself because of actions you have taken?

The holiday season can be filled with both internal and external pressures to be perfect. Navigating these pressures can be hard but here’s some perspective as you turn down the racket.

Remember you are not alone. There is an actual name for this constant pressure we find ourselves under. First coined in Duke University’s landmark study by the Women’s Initiative in 2003, the concept of “effortless perfection” has spread since then, powerfully articulating the constant pressure felt by college women to be “smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful and popular,” all without “visible effort. That said, it is not just college women who identify with the term. Effortless perfection is a constant pressure that we feel if we don’t develop defense mechanisms against the messages we receive.

The holidays REALLY ARE overwhelming. The holidays are kinda wired to be wrought with pressure for three different reasons. The first is that there is so much expectation. We want things to be picture book and then our dog eats the Christmas tree, our tween is having a hard time, we buy the wrong thing and don’t realize it until it is time to wrap it 20 minutes before we are giving it. There is also so much going on and so we tend to pack it all in, running from event to event without any time to distill in the experience, recuperate or take care of ourselves. Finally, we are seeing people we haven’t seen in a long time and some old wounds might be exposed or some old ways of being might come up for us. That’s a combination that is ripe for feeling like anything but perfect.

Manage gift expectations. The holidays are a good time to help your kids with their expectations. Just because they want it doesn’t mean you have to get it for them. Ask your kids to rank order their preferences or even ask them to narrow their lists by giving their categories by which to identify gift suggestions. What’s something they need? What’s something they want? What’s something they can wear? What’s something they can read? And what’s something that gives to more than just them? By asking them to put giving into perspective, you help manage their expectations and the pressure that you feel.

Reframe any photo derailments. Cameras are flashing all over your holiday festivities and you just saw a picture of yourself from a party that makes your heart fall. You thought you looked so much better than this picture and now you cannot help but feel embarrassed. First, realize that, sadly, most of us aren’t wired to see the best in ourselves so if you thought you looked good than you most definitely looked good. The picture was just one moment in time and had 10 pictures been taken of that moment, you most definitely would have found some that you were comfortable with or even liked. Either your eyes aren’t being kind now or it wasn’t the best angle at the very moment. Let that picture go knowing that it was literally one second of a whole entire experience and it doesn’t deserve that power.

Quit punishing yourself. You receive an invitation to an event and you’ll see people you haven’t seen since you let your hair go gray, gained a little weight, or something else like that. How do you navigate invitations when you don’t feel great about yourself? We cannot wait our whole lives to do things in a different body because here is what that slides into. We give ourselves permission to go on a cruise when we lose twenty pounds.We either lose the twenty pounds and then give ourselves another goal like—I need ‘better’ skin—because we have bought into this idea that we can punish ourselves into reward or we never go and enjoy life because punishing ourselves into rewards doesn’t work. Punishment or banishment doesn’t work and it is not a way to live. Imagine if one of your children told you that they didn’t want to do something because of the way they looked. You would be devastated and do everything in your power to not allow them to give into that kind of pressure. You have to do everything in your power to not give into that pressure, too.

Remember there is no perfect or imperfect. We all know that perfection is a farce and doesn’t exist but that still doesn’t stop us from doing everything in our power to get as close to perfection as possible. Here’s the other part of the story— if perfect doesn’t exist, it’s opposite cannot exist either. Not only is there no perfect but there is no imperfect. We are each meant to be individual masterpieces, comparable to nothing or no one else. We have to stop the comparisons.