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If you are like me, you awoke on January 1st with a feeling of possibility.  A whole new year awaits us.  Anything could happen.  And while the year ahead will have surprises for us that we never could have imagined, it is also very malleable and eager for us to fashion it into what we want from it.

Because I have seen in my life that intention makes all the difference, I like to start every year with a few rituals and today I am excited to share one of them with you: choosing a word for the year.

In our culture, the approach to the new year that we are most often taught is to make a list of things to do.  And you all know me.  You know that I LOVE a list.  I can boss a list like no one’s business.  But I was the boss of just lists for a long time and what I found out about living that way was that it just meant that I worked my tail off and that the result of that was often an exhausted feeling of inadequacy that wasn’t healthy for my soul.  And I desperately wanted to create a life where my soul was healthy and I was offering real meaning to the world around me.

What I was doing for a long time was exactly what I was taught to do.  If you do all these things, we are told, then you can be seen as X and if you are seen as X, then you can finally be Y.  For example, we tell people that if they study and work hard, they can have crazy, successful careers and once you have crazy, successful careers, you can earn a lot of money and once you earn a lot of money, you are worthy.

DO This.  Then you can HAVE this.  And then you will BE this.

We are taught that achievements make us worthy (money, advanced degrees, losing weight, etc.).  But that’s not true.  We are worthy simply because we exist.

So, years ago, I decided that I had to rewrite the script.  I didn’t want to do in order to have and be any longer.  I wanted my being to dictate what I could have and my choices (thus, what I did).

As a 23 year old first year teacher, I was trying to do everything really well because everything felt so urgent.  There was one student’s alcoholism, another’s addiction.  There was the fact that all of my students had to pass an end of course test in order to become seniors (I was an important step between them and their high school graduation).  There was the fact that one of my soccer players was flirting with an eating disorder, and another loathed herself and everyone else.  There was my frustration with various leaders in my school and in the school system because they didn’t seem to grasp reality.  Every day, I felt like I had whiplash from running from one fire to another.  Meanwhile, drug dealers were catching lockers on fire to distract from their dealings.  I couldn’t figure out where to focus, because, damn it, there was so much to focus on.  And so I got quiet and told myself I had to find a way to focus my energy.  I had no language for what I was doing yet.  I just knew that I needed to ground myself.  And in the quiet that surrounded me, one simple word bubbled up.

Voice.

I wanted to use my voice to empower my students to find their own so that they could be more safe and autonomous in the slippery worlds they found themselves in.  I wanted to ground them in themselves.  Helping them find their voice gave me a mission. Moreover, it gave me clarity about using my own voice.  I needed to encourage their voices, yes, but I also wanted to use my voice in ways where I could have a positive impact.  How did I want to feel?  Empowered.  And the way that I thought I could finally feel empowered in the midst of the madness that surrounded me was speaking up.  For a girl who had been a consummate pleaser until then, finding my voice would prove to be a game changer for me (a couple years later,  I would be so certain that voice made all the difference that I would leave my classroom and head off to get an MFA in Creative Writing and giving voice would become a root part of my mission; growing beyond just word of the year inspiration).

When I saw what a difference having a word to ground my teaching career made, choosing a grounding word became a staple in my life.  Having a word for the year allows me to actually start each year focusing on what really matters: who I am, what I feel, and how I am in the world.  A word for the year gives me the opportunity to honor the fact that our entire lives are journey.  That we are always growing and that by choosing a word for the year, we really live in reverent awareness of how we wish to grow while making sure that we happen to life (instead of life happening to us).

The formula was no longer DO->HAVE->BE.  It was now BE->HAVE->DO with how I wanted to be and feel in the world driving my choices.

And so, today, I want to invite you to choose a word for 2015 that allows you to build a consciousness in you about the type of life you want to have, the ways in which you want to grow and that honors what you most want to feel in your life.

Too often, we blindly make lists of things to do because we think we should. And, yet, those lists can often take us away from ourselves.  We look and think, “this isn’t what I wanted.”  If you start with how you want to feel in your life, how you want to be in life, then you can’t get that far away from yourself.  Figure out who and how you want to be first and then your to dos come from a heart space and not a should do space.

The thing that matters most in our growth is articulating how we want our lives to feel, how we want to feel, really assessing who and how we want to be in the world.  Because when we know that, we can build a life that allows us that feeling and then every day feels like we are living in our true calling.

Intention setting is about having an internal resolve and a desire to move towards something that will serve you better as you move forward.  It is claiming the desire to live your life in a certain way so that things happen on purpose rather than by accident.  It is making life happen by your choices, energy, and focus rather than having life happen to you.

After setting an intention, you can claim your vision, and then it is after that vision has been formed that you can begin to move into action (and all those to do lists that articulate and motivate the necessary action).

Ready to get started in choosing your word for 2015?  Grab your notes from your End of Year and New Year Personal Summits and then consider these questions….

What feeling do you want more of in your life?  What shift or focus would bring you a greater sense of wellbeing or satisfaction in your life?    

What are some of the words you hope will describe your 2015? 

If you had to choose a word for 2015 right now, what would it be?  

Of note:  If you have more than one word in mind, complete the rest of these questions with each word in mind.

Also, as you consider a word, think about words that are broad enough to encompass many aspects of your life yet specific enough to really inspire meaningful growth for you.

Why do you think you need this word and all that it manifests in 2015? 

What would embodying this word daily look like for you?   

How is this word already a part of your life? 

If what ways do you need to better embody this word? 

What happens if you don’t grasp this word in your life? 

If you embody this word every regularly this year, how will your life be different on January 1, 2016? 

What are some goals you might like to accomplish this year based on this word? 

You’ve got a word.  Now what? 

As for me, I use my word as a powerful touchstone to return to when I need grounding.  A few years ago, I choose wholehearted as my word for the year because I really wanted to make sure that everything I did in my life was wholehearted.  Having wholehearted as my touchstone reminded me to only commit to activities that I could do wholeheartedly, if a sense of dread overcame me when I received an invitation, I had to say no.  And it also reminded me that when I was somewhere, I needed to be there wholeheartedly and not be distracted by where I wasn’t.  Returning to the idea of wholeheartedness every time I got an invitation was so clarifying whenever I was invited to do something (it also taught me so much about saying no in my everyday life and in my work and allowed me to really live on purpose).

A cautionary tale: Don’t abandon what you most need for a sexier word.  In 2013, what I really wanted and needed in my life was EASE.  But EASE was so unsexy.  So I changed my word for the year to FLOW (at the time that is not how I saw it, but now I can see that what turned me away from EASE was that I wanted a different word, not that I needed a different concept).  As it turns out, flow did nothing for me.  Nothing.  I should have formally broken up with it and changed words mid-stream (see what I did there?). I didn’t.  I was just in a constant state of un-ease and ebb (rather than flow).

Use your word as a guide.  I always write my word on a stone that I keep on my desk- a constant reminder of who and how I want to be.  In addition, you might buy a word of the year necklace to remind you of your commitment.  Last year, I got a word of the year  necklace (I do not have a relationship with this artist and this is not an affiliate link).  The style I chose was the name bar.  One of my Passion. Purpose. Plunge retreat clients last year had the idea of putting her word for the year on a canvas and hanging it in a space she would constantly see it as a reminder of her focus.

Need some inspiration?  Check out these gorgeous choices from last year’s visionSPARK participants.

As for me, I am leaning towards IGNITE but like to sit with a word for a little bit to be sure that it is most what I need.

So, what’s your word for the year or which ones are you auditioning?  What are you hoping this word will offer you in 2015? 

Please share your thoughts here so we can offer each other support and inspiration as we spark our new year!

Sweet 2014.  It had plenty of lessons for me.  It offered me some great growth opportunities and it allowed me to get more clear about what I am meant to be doing moving forward.  All good things that I tried to capture and better understand in my end of year personal summit recently.

Now, that I’ve looked back, though, I want to look forward and really consider what I want out of 2015 in a New Year Personal Summit.  Why a personal summit at the New Year?  Because the first step to getting the life we imagine is having clarity about who and how you want to be in the world.  The thing that matters most in our growth is articulating how we want our lives to feel, how we want to feel, really assessing who and how we want to be in the world.  Because when we know that, we can build a life that allows us that feeling and then every day feels like we are living in our true calling.  A New Year Personal Summit is about getting clear about what you want for yourself which may or may not, ultimately, end up having something to do with resolutions or goals.  A New Year Personal Summit gets you quiet at the beginning of each year so you can get clear on what intention you want to have in the new year– what focus, truth you want to guide you actions.

Here are the details of the process in case you want to do the same for yourself.

Step 1.  Figure out what you want to feel in 2015.  

Intention is about having an internal resolve, a desire to move towards something that will serve you better as you move forward.  It is claiming the desire to live your life in a certain way so that things happen on purpose rather than by accident.  After setting an intention, you can claim your vision, and then it is after that vision has been formed that you can begin to move into action.

What feeling do you want to have most regularly in 2014?  What feeling does your life most need right now?

What would feeling like this add to your life?

How would your life change with this feeling?  What would your life look like if you were living with this feeling?

What behaviors are needed to live this feeling?

Get as clear as possible about what feeling you want in your life and what intention you most need to focus on for that to become real.  Then, if the idea speaks to you, you can choose your word for the year- the one word that will be a grounding and inspiration guide to you as you move through the year and embrace your possibilities (I will be blogging about words for the year on Monday, January 5th if you want more perspective on that).

Step 2.  Figure out your yeses and your nos.  

Now, that you have a sense of your intention, it is time to captures your vision for the year and one way to get started with that is by getting clear about your yeses and nos.

How will your life be different at the end of 2015 if you are able to make the concept from step one more present in your life throughout the year?

What do you want or need your life to feel and look like to live that concept/feeling?

What do you need more of in your life to bring this concept and feeling into clarity?

What do you wish to be doing more often in your life?

What do you need less of in your life to realize this feeling?   What are the experiences, interactions, and responsibilities that strip you of what you need?

Let your yeses and nos from this exercise be a guide for your new year.

Step 3  Name your priorities.  Design your action plan.   

What is your biggest dream for 2015 (think in terms of all areas of your life: professionally, relationships, sense of wellbeing, personal development, spirituality, etc)?

How do these dreams align with how you want to feel in life?  Do they take you closer to what you feel will bring you happiness and congruence in your life?

What growth opportunities do you need to explore?  What beliefs or behaviors might need revision to lead you closer to your dream?

How ready are you for this dream?

What first step are you ready to take?

What do you need to begin (this could be resources, training, support, time, etc)?

What is the scope and reality of taking that step?

When can you begin and how?

What is your next step?

And, as a gentle and motivating reminder, what do you want to be manifested for yourself because of actions you have taken?

Some thoughts about action plans:  I have several areas where I would like to devote some intention and attention this year.  And I could try to do them all starting January 1st but then that is a whole lot of action all at once and is more likely to lead me to feeling overwhelmed.  So I like to look at my intentions and the actions they suggest and then prioritize for future success in living my intention and vision.

If an all-or-nothing approach to resolutions, goals, and/or intentions has been your downfall, loosen your grips on the absolutes. Instead, give yourself a range. Aim to make the choices you wish to make for 80 or 90 percent of the time, for example. Or aim to do one thing at a time– just for this week, I will go to bed at 10:30 and then next week you can add the sixty ounces of water a day and the next week you can add the fifteen minutes of reading daily (or whatever is on your mind).  Then, you have built grace into how you experience and create your life. Knowing you don’t have to be perfect (and you know how I feel about perfect) can often be the impetus you need to move you closer to the life you desire.  Your resolutions, intentions, dreams, desires do not have to look like anyone else’s.

Step 4:  Celebrate.  A New Year isn’t a tool to make yourself feel bad or to shame yourself.  It’s an opportunity to remember that all of life is journey and we can choose our journey.

 ♥

Wishing you all good things as you say good-bye to 2014 and welcome 2015.

At the end of each semester, my body image students write a process paper where they synthesize their learning- both personal and academic- for the semester. These papers are always a delight to read and there is so much wisdom in them that I just have to share a fraction of it (with my students’ permission, of course) with you. Here, some wise words from my students this semester. May they give you hope and inspiration the way they did me.  

I once believed that eyes were always burning a hole in the back of my head; that people were constantly concerned with the way I looked, or the way I presented myself. I never had faith in who I was, or who I wanted to be. Fortunately, my experience in this course has opened my eyes to reality. A reality where people aren’t constantly watching my every move, one that has given me the strength to look up when I walk and face the world. You once said in lecture that we are constantly worried about being judged by others, but the truth is, people don’t judge us the way we judge ourselves. That one concept not only changed the way I view others, but the way I view myself, because it made me question who the real suspect is in this battle of self-image…me. I’m my greatest obstacle, but I’m also my greatest success.

~Molly

~Stephanie

With all I have picked up throughout the course my body image has blossomed. I now understand my flaws highlight my beauties. It is really powerful how knowledge, introspection, and some love can jumpstart my self-esteem. I’ve noticed that I don’t tolerate sexist, racist, and negative body image commentary from those in my life. I perceive my body as healthy and strong, which gets me to feel beautiful, then leads me to respect myself and have higher aspirations. Finally my new body image has  lead me to express my thoughts more profoundly, hold my head up higher and project my voice louder in my classes.I know that my future holds big decision and more stressors. So I need to learn how to balance the good and bad things in my life in a way that won’t consume me.

~Joani

With this realization and newfound appreciation for what makes me unique, I’ve been able to positively influence my body image. Instead of criticizing every inch of my appearance, I praise it. I don’t take my legs for granted, for they support me and allow me the miracle of mobility. I don’t take my stomach for granted, for it keeps me full and speaks to me when I am in need of nutrients. I don’t take my strong arms or hands for granted, for they allow me to turn the pages of my favorite books and hold the hands of those I love. My body is no longer a haunted house, rather it has become a temple; a place of worship for what makes me uniquely me. I love that I have scars that trace the history of my body. I love my button nose because I can smell the seasons changing. I love that I can finally love the things that once brought me shame.

~Molly

My body is not I. My body is a vessel that holds my soul and I need to appreciate it, and give thanks to it everyday for giving me life. I am a soul, but I have a body.

~ Katie