In May, I set three goals for the month. The goals came from a combination of a list of To Do items that I just hadn’t been able to get around to yet and some goals I have for myself.
My three goals were:
1. Get the process started for Happy’s certificate of identification (we have to get one of these in order to enroll in school, etc and couldn’t do it until his adoption was completed, filed and, well that, was two and a half years ago). So this seems like an easy thing to do, right? Except that there is a bureaucratic office involved that doesn’t have instructions on its website for how to do it AND never answers it’s phone. Just has a voicemail system that says they’ll call you back with an answer and then doesn’t. So, both, BF and I have been calling and leaving messages asking for instructions and, finally, on Wednesday, May 30th BF got a person on the phone and sent the paperwork off to make it happen yesterday. Talk about “by the seat of our pants!”
2. Plant our garden. Done. We have squash, zucchini, watermelon, cucumbers, eggplant, and various peppers trying to make it in spite of the heat, the drought, the local bunnies, and the fact that Lola likes to lie or dig in the veggie boxes.
3. Write in Happy’s journal at least four times. Done. I am caught up on writing Happy’s funny stories in there and even did a funny Q&A with him for it last week where he told me his favorite song was- I kid you not- I am Sexy and I Know It. Here’s the thing. I don’t even know how he knows that song. The only thing I can think of he’s heard it on the radio when riding with BF. I’m so proud.
And then bonus goal: Run at least 3x a week. And, yep, done!
Now, for June’s three goals:
- Scratch off at least two of these activities with Happy from the Summer of Intentionality List: for example- go to a ball game, fly a kite, pick berries, and/or play mini-golf.
- Read on the porch a couple times.
- Finish the book proposal I am currently working on so that it can be sent to possible publishers.
Are you setting June goals? What’s on your list?
I’m really glad that you finally get the documents for Happy’s certificate! You’ve reached a milestone!
It’s really great that you managed all of your goals! Sadly, I’ve totally neglected to write anecdotes from my daughter these last months…
May’s goals were:
– Take care of myself and my unborn baby: done. I have the great fortune that my doctor is really taking care of me, and I could take care of myself and my little darling. My eating habits went from quite bad (before I knew about my pregnancy) to quite good, and I find the rest I so deeply need. I am very grateful for all of this!
– Find moments of quality time with my daughter: done. Down to our whim, we read books, sing and make some music, have a talk, play a boardgame, cuddle, or only lay together on the sofa. We even managed to do some short craftwork!
– Delegate the works in my front garden: the most important is done – the dahlias are planted, and the area was cleared out. I’m so thankful!
Now the roses are wonderful and smell so good! A small corner of paradise…
June’s goals:
– Garden: seed (or delegate!) cucumber, cantaloup, eggplant, radish, cape gooseberry, additional salad, also flowers to protect the vegetable: tagetes, nasturtium / patiently wait for the other plants to grow (I’m looking forward to our approx. 20 almonds!)/ and last but not least: enjoy what we already have: salad, strawberries, fresh herbs, flowers.
– Find diverse little activities that I can do while laying on the sofa (thank you for the idea to write again anecdotes from my daughter!)
– Find inner peace by accepting that I control quite nothing in my life (but everything turns to the best so far – it seems that my control is not necessary! Who would have thought that God knows better than I….).
Bonus: find my way to becoming more resilient.
Cecile, I think I managed the goals because I named them here and knew I would be wrapping up how I did. That gave me some motivation! And you did quite well with your goals, too. I have to tell you that your garden- -from Dahlias to radish sounds incredible. But what is a cape gooseberry? I know i’ve heard of gooseberries but it occurs to me that i have no idea what one is. I am especially touched by how deliberately you are taking care of yourself and, thus, the nurturing it is providing all of you– from your daughter to unborn child. Very inspiring! And I love your new goals although I suspect you are more resilient than you realize. I did write resiliency down for a future blog post and am noodling! Happy weekend, sweet friend!
Rosie, I know cape gooseberry as “physalis”. Maybe that sounds more familiar to you? Wikipedia has also some pictures:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physalis
We tried them last year, and they were so much more tasteful than the ones we find in supermarkets! Incredible how this little fruit tastes… This year the first seeds did not germ, let’s have another try!
We have the chance to have a good climate here in South Germany, rain but not too much, a good amount of sun, and our garden has a wind-protected situation, enabling us to give it a mediterranean touch (in accordance with our roots: my husband is Italian, I’m French). It is really fun to make our little experiments! We love to have a big diversity of plants, but only few of each because of the limited space.
I also love your garden! It’s weird, but I have the impression to know you “better” through hearing from your garden! As if I could see you (and Happy?) planting, caring, happily harvesting, and savouring these delicious veggies…
Thank you for being so warm-hearted! It is really a privilege to read your posts and get so encouraging words from you!
I’m looking forward for your future posts – and resilience!
Have a wonderful week-end too!
Cecile, I didn’t realize you were in South Germany. I was born in Wurzberg and Heidelberg remains one of my favorite cities in the world. It sounds like you are in a gorgeous area– and your experiments sound fabulous. As for the garden tending, Happy weeds, waters, and harvests but can’t plant from starters yet ( he’s not so gentle on tender plants although we did seeds for our fall garden and he planted all that). And I’ve definitely never spotted a gooseberry before. I would LOVE to try one- I am going to keep an eye out. And thanks for your kind words about the blog. I so appreciate it. And, yes, resilience. Are there particular areas where you seek more resilience or ways or places where you find it a challenge? Happy week!
Rosie, I did not visit Würzburg so far, but also I love Heidelberg! I live next to Stuttgart, in a small city that was luckily not destroyed during the 2nd World War and is therefore quite charming – but by far not as picturesque as Heidelberg!
I wish to become more resilient, because I regularly (maybe once a month) get stuck into anger – for hours. Often because of something my daughter would do – like any 3yo testing the limits set by its parents.
I know I over-react, I know that the source is in me, not in the conditions or people around me (most of my wounds are now healed into characterful scars – but not all).
I also know (theoretically) what I could actively do to come in a better mood – from Dr. Bach’s emergency sweets to cold water on my face, from dancing on a favorite song to moving pieces of furniture.
The problem is: I’m really, really stuck in this anger. Exactly like quicksands. The more I try to escape, the more I sink in.
I was already so as a child: I pouted for hours, and only my father, with lots of patience and humour, was able to “bring me back”.
But I hate being stuck in anger. It’s not good. It’s not fair. Not for me, all the less for my dear ones, especially my daughter. So far I cannot completely avoid becoming angry – but I am sure that I could at least become more resilient.
I so much would like to get/cultivate this agibility of mind, this little moment of consciousness in the middle of my anger, when I would fully realize that I have wings to fly, I CAN free me from this anger. Making one step backward and breathe deeply. And then, be able to go back to my good-mood-plans, and to the true version of me.
I figure that if I could exercize this consciousness, this control of my mind, outside from moments of anger, I would also become able to control my mind in crisis situations. And maybe, these exercizes would help me to avoid splipping into deep anger?
I am thankful for any idea you come up with!
Have a wonderful and interesting week!
Cecile, I have heard wonderful things about Stuttgart but have never been there. Most of my time in Germany has been spent from Heidelberg west. But I love Germany. It’s been a bit since I’ve traveled there but I look forward to go back. What a thoughtful look into what you want for yourself and your family. I’m noodling but already have a few ideas. One thought I have right now that might be worth exploring more on your own is how does the anger serve you? For example, do you find that you really restrict your reactions a lot of the time and so the anger is actually an accumulation of lots of past moments where you placed nicer, less real/direct/ trut, than you wanted to in that situation (does that make sense)? I am wondering if the anger sometimes happens because at that point, your truest self is like, “I’ve been fronting long enough with other stuff, now I am just mad about it all and I’m going to let it out.” Does that question make sense at all?
Rosie, I understand what you mean. My anger is not a kind of ventilation of accumulated inner pressions – I’ve learned to hear to my body, and express what I feel, e.g. “I’ve called you already 4 times, I don’t have any patience anymore, come now”. Beeing able to name my emotions when they occur is ventilation enough, and helps me to de-escalate emotionally.
My deep-anger is mostly related to the feeling of a lack of respect and recognition of who I am. I know the why of this wound. Such a situation can occur in diverse areas of my life, but of course as a mother I experiment it often with my child.
My daughter D. (let’s call her Delight), as a 3yo, regularly tests the limits we set. From time to time with a huge power. Once, twice,…. again and again. I would show her the limit. I would defend the limit. This limit won’t move. I’d prefer spend my energy and time playing with her than defending that limit, and I explain it to her – if we keep arguing, we won’t have enough time to read/play afterwards.
But she just HAS TO try further “what happens if I go one step further? and one more?”. I would began to get angry, and tell it to her. This limit WON’T move. Stop it. But she tries again and again…. and all of a sudden, I slip into the quicksands. It feels as if I was hurt, laying on the ground, and somebody would continue to hit me again and again. It feels not tolerable. The message of my anger would be “I feel I am not respected at all. I don’t know how to feel respected again”.
And this subjective feeling of not being respected, the feeling that she deliberately wanted me to be hurt, is one that stucks. Even when Delight (finally) recognizes the limit and accepts it, and changes her behavior, I still have the feeling that only my anger was able to bring me respect back and I am resentful – though I know it is totally wrong.
Instead I shall think “Hey, see, she accepts the limit, her experiment was successful and is now closed. And she only drives her experiment so far because she trusts me and she respects me, she feels secure and accepted – otherwise she would not dare to do it.”
To see my reactions is part of her experiment. I think it is OK that she learns that people may get angry when she is going too far. But I also wish to be able to switch my mood, within few minutes after she closed the experiment. Because she has already learned from it. And she’s simply moving to another activity. She trully don’t understand why I am angry for so long, though she did all I wanted her to do. A devastating feeling for a child. In this context, resilience seems a very good tool.
Rosie, if you come to Germany some day, I’d love to welcome you and your family, and show you the region!
I also believe that in case you would be holding a seminar / retreat in Europe, I wouldn’t be the only one interested…. who knows what’s written in the stars!
Thank you so much for your listening and support!
Have a great day!
Cecile, I think Happy and Delight might have been cut from the same ole’ let me defy things and test out limits cloth. I can’t solve the kid part of this because, well, I wouldn’t even know what you were talking about and I SO DO, so let me noodle some on the part you asked about as I know your struggle a little bit personally and a lot through BF who describes his own frustrations with Happy’s approach to authority pretty similarly and so we often talk about it ’round here. And his own frustration with himself of not being able to let it go after the moment’s passed. I think part of this might be addressed in my upcoming “it’s all just information” post (still nodding on that one, too) but another round might be in the works, too. And, oh, wouldn’t it be incredible if I got to come to Europe one day for work. I shudder with both the hope and the possibility!
Rosie, thank you so much for your kind words! It is such a great relief to know that I’m not alone struggling with this issue! I saw the concept of “information” (not “weakness”?! a revolution of mind to me!) in your post of June 3, 2012 and I’m tickled! I just cannot thank you enough for all the positive you set into this world! Have a wonderful week-end!