This post has been slightly updated from a post that ran on May 2, 2010.
I mentioned the other day that I have been reflecting on the absolutes that I preach while teaching the body image course. The last one I shared was that it is never about you.
Today’s bit? A little self-awareness goes a very long way.
I’ve said this before but I am going to say it again. Journaling as a young girl, in many ways, kept me safe. Had I not turned to a journal when I was young to sort through what I was feeling and thinking, I don’t think I would have thought much about what I was feeling or thinking. I would have just let those feelings and thoughts run rampant and not reflected on what I was learning from them. But because there is only so much you can get from a journal where all you do is recite what you did that day, I soon turned to long, stream-of-conscious journal entries where I spent enough time on the page talking about more than just what I did for the day that I soon discovered what I most wanted for myself, what patterns were keeping me from getting there, and what pathways I needed to take. Journaling also allowed me to move on. After I had spent 5 pages lamenting the end of a relationship or a bad grade or whatever, I had really exhausted my desire to sit in it. Instead, looking up from the page, I was ready to move on, wiser and more clear.
Moreover, because we all have a desire- at our core- to be honest to ourselves, when I wrote one thing in my journal, it was incredibly hard for me to act in a way that was counter to what I had just expressed. Hence, my journal kept me safe. It kept me honest. It kept me doing the right thing. I also think it kept any wounds I did and could have suffered in childhood and adolescence in perspective and at bay. I was not what happened to me. I was a thinking, breathing, loving person who acted from her soul. Not events, but soul. That’s a powerful thing to realize at any age.
Now, does self-awareness only come from journaling? No. It can come from honest conversations with someone you trust, from counseling, from thoughtful meditations during a morning walk or evening swim. How you get to self-awareness is as varied as we each are. That we get there is a great gift in living our most authentic lives, in being insulated from the pain that can come, in being open to the joy that can also come. It is a salve to heal the wounds of body criticisms and self-image criticisms that can come if we aren’t prepared. It is good medicine in fighting the good fight.
So what do we do to raise our self-awareness? Only you know what is right for you. Perhaps you should start journaling, reading books that address issues that pique your interests, see a counselor, form a confidence circle with a friend, run, walk, or swim so that you can work things out in your head. I can’t answer the how for you. I can simply tell you that it is time and energy well spent. If you are looking to make it a cornerstone of your self-work, journaling is a significant part of the Beautiful You journey that was specifically designed to increase one’s self-awareness and self-acceptance. Periodically, I offer journal prompts on here. I’ll continue to do so in the hopes that those prompts can be part of all of our strategies to go within. And is there a girl in your life right now who is struggling? Give her the gift of a journal to get her started in knowing her most amazing self.
I’ve just been back to re-read your earlier post about “it is never about you” and this one follows on so well. I take everything personally – and I’m beginning to understand this is a common trait among people with ED. I’ve always thought I was pretty invisible but actually it seems I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what other people think of me. Writing, both for my blog and through notes I’ve been writing after all my gp/dietician/councelor appts (my memory is not too gd at the moment) have helped me to see my thoughts in action – and therefore to analyse them more objectively. Journalling, as you say, can be so much more powerful than just a list of what you did that day.
Pj, even if it feels like it is out of neccessity, it is so, so smart that you are taking notes after each appt. What a great and helpful resource to return to when you need it. And, yes, blogging is absolutely a form of journaling. It does strie me as so interesting that many of us spend a lot of time thinking about what others are thinking about us- when others are likely thinking the same things and not about us at all! Thanks so much for sharing your experience.