Summer break is over. There is a new puppy in our house (meet Hank!) and I only had 8 official work days in August (many of which were spent in back to back meetings) as we tried to squeeze the last drops out of summer so I am super behind on my massive to-do list so today’s post is going to be super direct.
Last week, Happy and I had a double playdate (meaning he hung with one of his best buds while I hung with his best bud’s mom who is one of my best buds). As we bowled (I had the game of my life, by the way), my friend said, “I need some body image help” and shared that a recent change in her appearance had brought the body commentators out in droves.
My friend’s life is filled with big challenges as many of the people in her life have chronic, significant health issues and have been struggling for years. This spring things got just a smidge easier—some medicines working better here, some respite care there. Who knows how long this {relative} calm will last but, for now, there’s a little bit more breathing room. A little more breathing room when you’ve been drowning for years can be unbelievable, can be life changing so my friend got to go back to the gym, she got to pay attention to herself a little more, and, with that self-care and less stress, she lost some weight.
Now everyone wants to talk to her about it. They want to tell her that she’s lost too much, and she needs to stop that shit, and enough already. And now, her body is on her mind more than ever because everyone else has made it a conversation point.
“I feel like I’ve done something wrong,” she told me.
And so this is what I told her and what I want to remind you.
If someone has something to say to you about your body or station in life, it is not about you. It is about them and what they have going on around that issue. It is about how interpreting you through their own lens impacts them. Their interpretation of you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them and where they are.
Their own stuff is coming up, and they don’t have the discipline to consider it on their own because then they would have to examine their own lives, and examining our own lives is so hard. It is so much easier to displace those feelings by shaming someone else in some way.
“Your body isn’t anyone else’s business,” I told my friend. “And now your job is to figure out how to protect yourself. How do you set a boundary for people so that they know your body isn’t up for grabs and that you aren’t open to their opinions about your body?”
In the beginning, boundary setting can be hard work but, overtime, it becomes easier as we realize the invaluable work of keeping ourselves safe. What boundary do you need to hold today? How can you begin?
Need help figuring it out? Leave a comment here, and we’ll come up with a solution together.
