Tuning out the noise

I was driving an eighth-grade girl I mentored home from lunch. Passing by the university where I teach, I pointed it out to her.

“What do you teach?” she asked, and I explained what Women’s and Gender Studies and, more specifically, body image are.

“Like how I think I’m fat?” she asked.

My heart stopped. “How long have you thought you were fat?” I asked.

“Since last year.”

“Did something happen to make you think that?”

“Yes,” she said. “ My friend, who is really skinny told me I was too heavy.”

“Listen,” I started.  “When that girl said you were too heavy, that statement was about her and not you,” I said. “For whatever reason, she is insecure, and she deals with it by saying distracting things to other people who might fuel her insecurity. Does that make sense?  When we are really hurt about something going on for us, we sometimes lash out to others about that thing in some way.”

She looked at me and nodded, and slowly began to relay things she had observed in her friend that might reveal the depth of her insecurities.

“Why listen to this one person?” I told her. “Why let her opinion have so much weight, especially given what you thought about yourself—that you were just fine—up until the day this one friend said that to you?”

“That’s a very good question,” she whispered, looking out her window.

♥

Today, carefully consider the things you believe because just one person said them to you. Why have you given that person that power? How can you stop listening to the one?