We have all had that moment, whether it was at a play date, in book club, at a volunteer opportunity, or in a meeting, where someone across the room speaks and we are overcome with a feeling of recognition. She gets me, you think. She is my person!
One of the cornerstones to having a sense of wellbeing and pushing ourselves toward growth is spending time with our people. At the Women + Girl’s Research Alliance Summit, I moderated a panel called Finding Your People where Nancy McNelis, Whitni Wertz, and Sara-Marie Miller and I shared our thoughts on how to find more of your people to support you on your journey. Here are a few suggestions to help you gather more of your people in your corner.
Make it happen. If your world doesn’t have enough of the type of support you need, do not be afraid to create what you need. Are you a new to a city? A new stepmother? At a new job? Don’t wait for someone to come to you. Put yourself out there. Ask a co-worker out to lunch. Start a book club. Look for a meet-up group. Don’t be afraid to create what you need.
Do something that sparks your passion. If you aren’t finding your people in your world, engage in something that you love doing, that lights you up. Sign up for a class, look for a meet-up group, volunteer. It’s highly likely you will find connection in these spots.
Look for people who motivate you. As you look for your people, don’t just look for people who are similar to you or who are exactly where you are in life. Look for people who are where you want to be, who inspire you in some way, who help you to not settle.
Practice connection karma. When you meet someone and a flash of recognition comes to you—she and Tracy would love each other!- make the introduction. Some of “my people” have come to me through such thoughtful introductions and so I try to do the same as well.
What have been your strategies for finding your people?
THis is such a great post! We spend so much time thinking about the right job or Mr./ Mrs. Right, but we forget how vital it is to have friends that we really connect with!
Besides these helpful tips for FINDING the right people, do you also have tips on how to KEEP the right people? I have some colleagues that, for some reasons I won’t be seeing much of any more in the future, they aren’t really my friends, but I would like to stay in touch with them. What can I do?
T.,
Great question! Many of “my people” I have met through past jobs and we have all moved on since then (and more than five of them live hours away now). While I don’t have the perfect formula yet, one thing I have really appreciated about the nature of my people is that they have stayed my people, even if they are thousands of miles away, and we don’t talk all that often.
When we get on the phone, we go right back to being our selves, quickly. So, for your peeps who aren’t naturally in your everyday life but are relatively close, make a point to see them at least once a month. Start a book club with some of them or have a monthly lunch or appetizer date (these are 3 of the ways I see my people each month). If life demands mean you can’t see each other that often, shoot for quarterly, if possible. I find that the people I am not able to see as often are the people who are game to do something a little different with when we are able to get together– a stand up paddling class or play tickets.
As for people who are far away, cut the distance with periodic thoughtful, funny or updated texts, remember birthdays, send links they might find interesting. When you get on the phone, make the most of it, getting back to who y’all are together asap. And then try to see each other every now and again. Maybe yearly can work but even if its every few years, the connection goes a long way to boosting your sense of wellbeing.
One of the things you mentioned is that not everyone you are mentioning is close to you right now. I really loved a colleague from a past job but we weren’t super close. I invited to her appetizers about a month after I left that position and we still do monthly appetizers– about 9 years later- and we are such good friends now. If you feel a connection to someone, don’t be afraid to build that connection into something else. Just figure out what you and that person might enjoy doing together and make the ask. The worst that can happen is that your relationship will stay at the level it is now.
Wishing you all the best!