All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
from The Story by Brandi Carlile
There is me. And then there is me.
And neither one of these versions is more valid than the other.
And, yet, something happens sometimes that makes us think that the only version of ourselves that we should present to the world is the made-up version. The “pretty” version. Somehow having make-up on and our hair done has become the only sociably acceptable version of ourselves to present in too many environments.
It is not that I am saying make-up and hair products are wrong, but I am saying that they aren’t right- as in the only right way to be. You can practice self-acceptance and enjoy make-up or fashion, but if you are truly practicing self-acceptance than there is something you inherently know to be true. Your style and make-up don’t make you. They may just be a fun way for you to express who you are and someone else’s way of expressing who she is- through endurance events or not enjoying fashion or style or through tattoos or whatever- is just as valid.
Just like anything, it begins with a balanced approach where you inherently understand that your style does not create your worth, it simply is one of many expressions of how you see yourself. You also inherently know that others’ are not defined by their style either. When you are operating from a self-accepting place, you understand that style does not change your capabilities. You can go without make-up without feeling like you’ve lost yourself. Your abilities or cofnidence don’t change when your outfits or make-up do.
Sometimes, though, it takes some time to really learn that lesson and so I like to hold an all-naturay day every semester in my body image classes. This Friday, March 15, is this semester’s all natural day, and I want to invite you to join me and my class in going all natural.
What does going all natural mean? You can shower, put on moisturizer (as long as it is not tinted or light-reflecting), brush your hair and your teeth but that’s where the primping ends.
Here are some things that should not be part of your All Natural Day:
Contacts (yep, wear your glasses!)
Perfume/ Aftershave
Make-Up
Nail Polish
Fake eyelashes
Weave or extensions (the clip in kind. If it’s sewn in, you can keep it there!)
Hair products (shampoo and conditioning in the shower are fine– no leave in conditioner, de-frizz or straightening products)
Flat Ironing/ Curling/ Rollers/ Blow Drying
If you are a trans or gender-variant person, participate by not using items that you would consider appearance enhancements but please feel comfortable using items that are part of your identity.
Want to take the challenge one step further? If you are on a social media site, change your profile picture to feature one of you without the enhancements and encourage your followers/friends to do the same. If you do it, please send me a link or copy of the photo! Want to tweet about it this experience? Do so under #allnaturalday.
A few caveats for my blog readers: if you can’t completely go all natural in your life (for example, you can go make-up less to work but it would be frowned upon for you to walk in with wet hair from the shower, then, by all means, do what you HAVE to do but don’t do what you WANT to do).
Here’s to loving the skin we’re in, as it is.
What is your relationship with doing your hair and make-up? Are there places where you feel like you can’t go natural? Are there place where you feel like you must go natural? Are make-up and fashion part of your creative personal expression? How do you take a balanced approach?
i love these all natural days. it is pretty easy for me make up wise, but i love me some hair products. i wish i could see before and after photos of the students.
You and me both on the hair product, Tami. And to be totally honest: I scheduled a hair cut for Thursday and now I am so (not quite but a little bit) bitter about the timing because I can’t preserve the blow out. Ha. Great idea about my students– some will be posting all natural pictures on Twitter under the tag #allnaturalday– I’ll try to remember to RT!
Goodness, am I odd. 57 years old, not a great beauty – reasonably attractive, a bit overweight. But with the exception of some nail varnish occasionally (and I admit I don’t wear glasses, so the temptation to contacts doesn’t apply) I have never used any of the things you are making such a statement about giving up. Maybe occasionally a little perfume, but I got bored with it. Hair products never – tried some gel once, found it sticky. Make up – I look like a clown. Always insist on a hair cut that doesn’t need blow drying. Dyed my hair for a couple of years, but didn’t like it. It’s not that I am some kind of puritan – care about my appearance, love clothes. But all that stuff – no thanks.
Ruth, thanks so much for sharing your experience. You are actually not odd at all! It is so interesting to be a college professor during this time of heightened image consciousness. I never thought to wear make-up when I was young and now only occasionally wear it but so many young women feel like it is mandatory and expected. What I hope the All Natural Day experience offers my students is a chance to go counter to the cultural expectation they currently feel in a safe, supportive, reflective space. I love how you listen to yourself and create a life filled with your preferences and desires. Now more than ever, we need that modeled to us. I hope you’ll keep sharing your experiences here!
I am sorry that I totally missed out on this. I was in NYC for spring break and didn’t get the memo until too late last night. I will participate in my own All Natural Day next week! I think this is an important exercise, and I appreciate your bringing it up so that we can all remember that we’re good enough…always. As a person who is getting ready to start a business in personal styling, though, I disagree with just one part of one statement you made above. You stated, “Your abilities or confidence don’t change when your outfits or make-up do.” I totally agree about abilities, but I challenge the point about confidence. I am a firm believer that when we take time to care about our appearance, we can absolutely boost our self-confidence! That doesn’t mean that everyone “cares” the same way or has the same level of interest in fashion and style (if any), but if you walk out of the house in the morning feeling good about the way you look (including your clothing), your spirits will be lifted. Feeling good about the way you look generally means knowing a little bit about style and the way clothes fit on your body. It starts from the inside out, of course, so point taken! And agreed!
As someone who dressed up for every college exam, I so appreciate your distinction, Joanna. I think the point that I wanted to make was that no one’s sense of worth should come solely from how she is physically projected. Your style and make-up do not define your worth. But clothing and style for some people can indeed be the cherry on top of your self-expression (And for someone else the cherry on top might be something different). I have met so many people who believe that if they change their body or look that they will then be happy but happy is an inside job and that is really more of what I wanted to express. Thank you and so hope that I get to avail myself of your services one day! You are loved, sweet friend.
I wear my glasses as an accessory. I choose strong frames in bold colors. I actually feel less “natural” when I wear them than when I do my contact lenses.
Other than that, that’s me every day.
AB, Thanks so much for sharing. We have some spirited conversations about glasses vs. contact lenses in class. Some of my students feel like to be natural would be to wear their contacts and I absolutely see that point but I then ask them to answer why they wear contacts and if it’s about how they look, then it clarifies whether or not it is an enhancement or a sensory issue (someone people don’t like things on their face) or necessary because of activity (for example, I hate running in glasses and so on the days when I run, I am inevitably going to have my contacts in). Do you get your frames online or at your doctor’s office? If you have a favorite online spot, I’d love to know about it (I have some frames I love from Warby Parker)!
I wear contacts so I can see. It may have been a vanity issue when I was 15 (glasses were so uncool) but not so much anymore.
Online from Zenni Optical. I love Warby Parker frames but I would prefer to have more glasses and spend less on them because of seeing them as an accessory. And it’s something I got from my mom, she uses glasses in the same way. I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I hate wearing earrings.
Summer here when it’s sweltering I won’t wear glasses as often.