Yesterday, Polly Campbell guided us in a powerful lesson in being more kind to ourselves by not labeling everything we see or feel with judgment. Today, we are taking that lesson a step further.
Sit with a group of women long enough and you’ll notice an interesting thing. No one is singing her own praises. Instead, each woman around any given table is likely doing just the opposite, dissing herself, her looks, her abilities. And then there is an even more interesting observation to make. That one comment begins a tidal wave. One woman takes herself down and the defeat doesn’t stop there. The woman right next to her adds to the chorus until the roar of self-criticism is just too loud to redirect.
And, yet, deep inside we must know this isn’t helpful. We must know it doesn’t heal or motivate us. It simply limits us, places us in a box, takes us out of the game, keeps us from powerfully being able to live our purpose, prohibits us from being able to heal the world in the way we were meant to because we aren’t healed.
Self-criticism has no point other than to bind, defeat, upend us. There is no way to make way in “I am a mess”. That’s just muck, not information of use. The only way to move away from the defeat of self-criticism is to deliberately move towards the place of self-awareness and self-acceptance. And you do that by consciously making the choice to do so.
Today, gather three small jars or bowls and line them up next to one another. Fill the center vessel with change or dollars. Now, every time that you catch yourself making (or thinking) a negative comment about yourself, pay a fine (from the center vessel) and put it in the left hand vessel. This first part of the exercise is meant to raise your awareness about how often you engage in defeating self-talk and in the kind of self-defeat you embrace. Now, every time you think or say something positive about yourself, move money from the left hand bowl to the right hand bowl. Aim to empty your left hand bowl completely into your right hand bowl (and to then keep it empty) and then to fill your right hand bowl from the center vessel.
1. How did it go today? What did you notice you criticize about yourself? What are you beginning to celebrate by claiming it with your observations?
2. Can you continue to monitor your thoughts to move them away from criticism and towards acceptance and appreciation?
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I love this idea of using change and bowls to give yourself a visual of how your thinking patterns go! I’m going to share this with several people in my life… as well as try it out myself! Thank you!
LOVE this idea, going to do this for myself and my kiddos 🙂
Today was not a good day for self-love and non-criticism. I am finishing my degree for Accounting, I am tutoring, I am working part-time, and then there are the normal daily responsibilities…I’ve been overwhelmed this week. So today was a day to tread water. I didn’t criticize myself, but there was no celebration. I loved this post and challenge, though, and I am truly adding it to my journal to work on. If only I didn’t expect more of myself than I do of anyone else, things would be better. But if I expect more of myself than anyone else does, then maybe I won’t disappoint so many people.
Love this idea! Just reading this post now at 7:30pm, so I’ll do the exercise tomorrow as well!
This is a hard one for me. I’m not at home a lot, so I’ll have to count plusses and minuses at the end of the day, which would mean revisiting everything I’ve said or thought about myself. I also had a really bad day yesterday, even though I was planning to do the coins, I saw the pictures of the graduation ceremony at my school, and I look terrible and fat in every single one of them – and I though I was looking really good that day. This made me really sad. It is motivating me to work harder at getting healthy, but that will take a bit of time, I suppose.
Maybe I can work something out with virtual coins, or a notebook or something. Then I can do it on the go!
Like the previous commenter I’m not always home or around to do it, so instead I tallied the comments on a small notepad in my purse. A lot of my criticisms are doubt based, or more frequently I worry about things in the past. A lot of great things happened today though that made me very happy so there were also a lot of positive thoughts. I think the more I push myself to do things the better my outlook will be.
Susannah, you are onto something– I scheduled this practice on a Saturday so that folks would, ideally (if they work a more traditional schedule), have at least two days mostly around the house so that they could actively use their vessels but you bring up a good point about what to do when you are away from the home. Erica’s suggestion is great. I also think that you can go ahead and put some change in your wallet or a pocket and move it back and forth to different locations (for example, if you have pockets on your pants or skirt, your right pocket could be the good things vessel and the left pocket could be the negative things vessel. Just some thoughts. I sure others have some great ideas, too!
what stuck me most in this excercise was how often i had a negative thought about myself and how often it was the SAME negative thought or thoughts that kept popping into my head. Almost like its not enough to say it once, i have to keep saying it or thinking it over and over again. talk about a backward slide:( another thing while doing this excercise was the inability to make the positive thoughts feel “not forced”…………
This is a great exercise!!! I found that I made fun of myself when putting myself down. But I also became aware of it & began to stop speaking to myself that way & replace with more positive thoughts. I will suggest this to friends. It really makes you aware of the thoughts that you feed yourself daily.
1. How did it go today? What did you notice you criticize about yourself?
I had been told by my daughter that a certain person I had been hanging around with that has a very negative self image and self talk – I was starting to sound like her. So by daughters awareness and this exercise has helped me listen and be more aware of my words towards myself.
What are you beginning to celebrate by claiming it with your observations?
Embracing the aging process…aging gracefully.
2. Can you continue to monitor your thoughts to move them away from criticism and towards acceptance and appreciation?
Yes… with awareness and those around me that love me when I forget too, I have faith that I can continue to make process on my journey towards acceptance and appreciation of myself.
Good “exercise” because it helped me to quantify my negative thoughts about myself. Then, I was ready to change them and find a positive way to talk about myself. Result of the day : one coin in the left cup, and 5 coins in the right cup.
Loved these reports. Day 4 is one of the hardest days in Shine so I really admire each of you for tackling it in some way in your life. Shine on!
Going to try this with a notebook in ny backpack ! Thank you for this Shine experience… It has come during a very good time for learning in my life.