back away from the baby's feet

Note the bare feet

Dear Neighbor Town Resident (it was not my neighbors, I promise),

I know our baby’s cute.  I understand from what you said that you have a thing for baby’s feet.  I get it.  But, seriously, you don’t really know us and taking his socks and shoes off while he sits in his stroller and coos and then kissing his feet is a lot  bit much.  Nonetheless, if the “kissing my baby’s feet in broad daylight thing” was the only moment that gave me pause about the whole interaction, I’d let it go.  But here’s the thing.  You taught the kid a trick that I wish he had never learned.  Because now, unless he is running outside, he refuses to keep his shoes on.  It’s like the lightbulb went off that day in Happy’s brain.  It said, “You do not have to wait for your mom and dad to take off your shoes.  You can take them off whenever you want.”  And, now, he always wants to take them off.  I am assaulted with sneakers and grey socks while I drive.  We lose them in the house because he takes them off and hides them.  Yesterday, I spent twenty-three minutes looking in all the usual hiding places for his sneaks so that we could leave the house.  I gave up.  I didn’t find the missing sock and shoe until dinnertime when I pulled the tray off his high chair and TA DA!.  He takes his shoes off as we stroll through town and then tosses them like the quarterback he is sure to be one day.  I slam on the stroller brakes to run into traffic to retrieve them because Stride Rites don’t come cheap.  While he gets in the car with shoes on, we never arrive at a destination with his shoes still on.  So then I have to crawl in the backseat and get his shoes back on.  And while I put on the second shoe, he takes the first shoe off.  It is an unending, exhausting cycle.  Would it shock you to know that I now grumble your name every time I am dealing with the shoe situation?  I do.  It’s not right, but I just can’t help myself. 

So, please, no more kissing of babies’ feet because you have a thing for those toes.  Just let it go.  Seriously.  Because while you have not given that interaction one more thought since it happened, I think about it 5, 6, 7 times a day and not with fond memories.

Signed,

Back Away from My Baby’s Feet