2024 Olympian?

Friday Reflections is all about reflecting on the week by observing our senses.  My hope is that this will be a gentle, easy way to tune into how we are doing and what we are experiencing weekly when journaling in general can feel so daunting.

Now, for this week’s Friday Reflections (with each sense as your inspiration, consider how experiencing it impacted your week).

Here is my sensory round-up for this week:     

tasting ::  bacon wrapped chicken, garlic parmesan risotto, black bean tortilla pie (a staple at our house), edamame, crab dip, and guacamole.

hearing :: really exciting ideas about an upcoming project and really exciting proposals about other possibilities.  My head is kinda full and I am in desperate need of what I call a mid-year tweak where I sit down, survey the scene, and look forward with a clear vision and mission in mind so I don’t commit to doing things simply because I can but instead commit to the things that really make my heart soar and where I can make the most significant impact.  I am hoping that mid-year tweak happens before the end of May!    

smelling :: the night sky redolent with fresh-cut grass.  This is actually one of my favorite scents of all time because it reminds me of high school soccer season– both when I was in high school and when I was a coach.  Those memories are some of my favorite from both my school years and teaching years.

seeing :: a little Fairy house, complete with a fairy garden, waiting for occupants.

feeling ::  very grateful for all the mamas who have touched our family’s lives– mothers, grandmothers, birth mothers- lots of women who have made our family better.

wishing/hoping ::  for clarity and a more narrow focus.  In some ways, it is nice to have a lot of things that light my fire.  In other ways, I can feel sorta scattershot sometimes.  I really want to focus my energy for deeper impact in the work that I do choose to do.  

What about you?  What were your sensational experiences this week?  Please share!

This post was inspired by Teacher Goes Back to School who was inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

It had started as a rhetorical question.

“What are you willing to give up?” I had asked my students.

“What standard are you holding yourself to that isn’t real or fair or right?  Maybe it’s a scale.  Maybe it’s the idea of being effortlessly perfect.  Maybe it is something else.  You have to figure out why it is you don’t feel enough and give that rule up.  Because for every day that you don’t feel enough, you really can’t be you.  And not being you is the greatest loss of all because we’re all here for a reason.  We’re all here on purpose.”  

Not long after that, a student shared that she liked to use a measuring tape to gauge her body.  Everyday.  Compared to the day before.  And it broke my heart.  And, so, I offered a gentle thought– maybe that measuring tape could be something that she gave up.  But I didn’t push it because sometimes we all just need to work through things in our own time.  We need to let the idea germinate and see whether or not it takes root for us.

A couple weeks later, that student approached me before class started and handed me a small white circular object.  My eyes opened wide, trying to figure out what it was.

“It’s my measuring tape.  I am ready to give it up.”

I wanted to hoot and holler.  I wanted to hug her.  I wanted to make a proclamation.  Instead, I just quietly told her how proud I was of her.  And slipped it into the side pocket of my school bag.

I thought about that moment a lot over the rest of the semester.  But I didn’t look at the measuring tape again until just the other day, when my hands reached into that pocket, looking for a pen, and instead found the round disc.

“What’s this?” I thought.

And then I realized what it was– literally and figuratively.  A measuring tape, yes, but more than that, right?  A rule.  A standard.  A soul reducer when the body wouldn’t reduce itself enough.

I was reminded, too, of the question I had asked my students.  That rhetorical question, I thought.

What are you willing to give up?

So I am asking it here of all of us today.  What belief or practice are you willing to give up in order to quit punishing yourself or rating yourself or diminishing yourself?  What practice or viewpoint no longer serves you?

Just for today, I want you to name the thing that no longer serves you– like my student so bravely named her measuring tape. And, in the coming days or weeks- take the time you need, I want you to consider what giving up that thing might be like for you.  How might it change your life?  How might it allow you to more definitely live your purpose and give your gifts to the world?  And I want you to start imagining that the vision can be true.  Because here’s the thing.  The only way that we can give up that which harms up, that which limits us, is by both imagining that it is possible to give it up and flirting with the life that would come if we didn’t live that way.

What are you ready to give up?

this post was originally published on May 20, 2012 

I hate the words “have you lost weight.”

They are just loaded.  With good intentions, the speaker would insist, but with so much else underneath those good intentions.

You see, in our society, the ultimate compliment is “you look like you have lost weight.”

But that compliment assumes that everything is black and white– that what appears as “extra” weight to a person’s eye is bad, that small is better, and that however you lose weight– through a lifestyle change or an illness or incredible stress- is great because the end justifies the means. So there’s that.  And I could go on about that for a while but that’s not the focus of today’s post.

Today’s post is not even just about what happens when we say, “You’ve lost weight” to someone and he or she hasn’t lost weight.  But as an aside, when we do that, we leave a message hanging in the air:  All this time, I’ve been thinking that you needed to lose weight and, by golly, I thought you finally had.   

Today’s post is about what happens when those words are uttered as you are walking through, let’s say, the grocery store with your young daughter (who is, for example’s sake, somewhere between 5 and 20) in tow.  What then?

Because here’s the thing.  Your developing daughter doesn’t have the cognitive ability (and cognition develops into our twenties!) to navigate all the nuances of what is going on and what is being said, to understand lifestyle change or stress or sickness or whatever, all she knows is that suddenly her mom is getting fawned over and praised in the gourmet cheese section because her body is different.  Because, more specifically, her body is smaller.  And what that reinforces to her is that smaller bodies are better, irregardless of how getting smaller goes down.

Recently, a woman approached me to ask how to handle that very situation.   She had discovered a new love of working out and her body was, indeed, a different size than it was six months before and everybody- men and women who knew her from every facet of life- was talking about it.  A lot.  And in front of her daughter.

At first, it had felt good.  She was working hard.  She felt so much better.  And, yet, more and more, she was coming to realize that her daughter was hearing all of this- the “you look great; how much weight have you lost remarks”, “the thank you so much, I’ve been working hard” remarks- and was probably hearing it with a different lens as she was coming into her own body development.

What do I do?  She asked.

Short of sending a missive to everyone you know (and maybe posting said missive on Facebook, too), to say “Hey, let’s make a deal and, ideally, not talk about my body at all but if we must, then let’s not talk about it in front of my daughter who doesn’t quite get all of this”, the truth is that the comments are likely to continue because we, for whatever reason, sometimes believe other people’s bodies are our business (my mind flashes now to my friends who have been pregnant and had their bellies man(or woman)handled in the grocery store by some stranger).

So, what’s a mom whose body is being discussed publicly in front of her daughter to do?

Redirect the conversation.

Let’s say that Sally, the down-the-street neighbor who you usually only see when you drive by, spots you in the dairy section and exclaims,

“Well, Tracy, I would never have even known it was you if you didn’t have Ashley with you.  You look like a whole new woman.  How much weight have you lost?”

You are cringing now because you believe that there is no way that Sally can exist.  But she does.  And she has friends who shop at that grocery store, too.  And they are even less subtle and less sensitive to the fact that you are shopping with your daughter.

What you most want to communicate to your daughter (because, yes, while you are talking to Sally, it really isn’t Sally that matters.  It is your daughter.) is that taking care of ourselves matters but that our weight isn’t what determines our worth.

“Good to see you, Sally.  I think you must be reacting to the fact that I am really trying to work some self-care into my days.  I got so busy for awhile there that I wasn’t able to take the time I needed for myself, but, as time passes, I just wanted to feel as strong and sharp as I could so I’ve been adding those thing to my list, too.  The important thing is just that I have more energy now (or whatever else you are feeling right now that happens to be true).  Hope you are well!”

If your daughter is a little older and more mature, you can even have a direct conversation with her about the comments you are hearing.  You can say something like, “It must be really confusing to hear so many people talk about my body, and I wanted to let you know that I am doing these things- working out, cooking at home or whatever- not so that my body will be different but so that I just feel better because I was feeling really ____________.  What questions do you have for me?”  And then answer her questions thoughtfully and let her know that she can come back to you at any time with more questions.

Many moms fail to realize that our children already think we’re beautiful.  And so if our body changes and WE act as if the new body is better, then they worry about their own perceptions of reality and also learn to redefine beauty– leading themselves away from the understanding they have developed for themselves and more towards the one society has handed to them.

♥

Have you faced weight remarks in general?  How about remarks made in front of your children?  How did you handle them?  Is there anything you would have done differently in hindsight?  Oh, and do you know Sally?

{image source}

We are forgoing this week’s spark because a dear friend recently emailed me seeking advice about how to handle a fitting room emergency.  I thought the answer might be something you’d be interested in and so I asked her permission to share some of our exchange here.  It may not be anything you need right now, but, hopefully, filing it away will be helpful later!

Trying on bathing suits today, my daughter realized that her bottom isn’t the same size as her top and that she doesn’t just strictly fit in clothes that are the same size as her age any more. Help! I want my beautiful daughter to feel beautiful.

My advice? This is about the clothes— obviously, nothing is wrong with her body-because bodies aren’t wrong and bodies all develop in different ways and at different paces but because clothing is made in production, it doesn’t always account for the nuances of bodies. But you can help your daughter develop some ease around clothing sizes and an ability to see them just as a tool and not a judgment.

Because a script can be a helpful tool (don’t feel like you have to follow it word for word.  It’s just a guide), here is what I might say:

As we get older, our bodies develop at different rates and so sizes aren’t really about your age any more, and not all sizes- from store to store or style to style- will be the same. Sometimes we’ll need an 8 in one store and a 10 in another and sometimes we’ll need a 10 for one part of our body and a 12 on another part of the body.  The numbers don’t really mean anything other than to give us a guide when we are trying to choose what to try on. 

Every body is different and every body grows at different rates and clothes are all different, too.  Sometimes you’ll see people who are really tall because that is how their body is meant to grow right now and sometimes you’ll see people with lots of muscles because that is how they are supposed to grow right now.  Nothing is right or wrong on a body.  It’s just about what your body needs and is doing right now.

 As you move forward, stay aware of what she is noticing and make any appropriate little course corrections here and there.  Later, when the time is right, you can celebrate bodies that might be more like hers (for example, you might watch some tennis this summer and say something like “I admire how strong the Williams sisters are) without overemphasizing it. The key is to help her think more broadly about beauty and bodies without making it all about bodies and beauty because, in the end, that’s not the most important thing anyway, and you don’t want to accidentally teach her otherwise. You are doing a good job, mama. Trust your instinct.

♥

Have you run into fitting room issues with your children?  How did you handle it?  What advice do you have?

{image source?  Karen Gunton from Build a Little Biz.  Her stuff is totally amazing.)

Story People by Brian Andreas

Friday Reflections is all about reflecting on the week by observing our senses.  My hope is that this will be a gentle, easy way to tune into how we are doing and what we are experiencing weekly when journaling in general can feel so daunting.

Now, for this week’s Friday Reflections (with each sense as your inspiration, consider how experiencing it impacted your week).

Here is my sensory round-up for this week:     

tasting ::  lemon roasted shrimp, raspberry oatmeal honey muffins, vegetable soup, and mint chocolate chip cookies

hearing :: sweet mom/ daughter duos talking about serious issues and laughing together at our first Right in the Middle of the year.  Interested in attending Right in the Middle?  Act soon as we are offering a Mother’s Day discount until Monday!

smelling ::  fresh-cut grass, Suave Kids detangler, Shea Moisture kids conditioner   

seeing :: my Body Image students for the last time.  I got chocked up when I read my goodbye letter to them.  Such sweet, beautiful souls.

feeling ::  like I can almost look up and dream.  The last month has been a whirlwind of do,do,do and not much breathing room and I so need breathing room to be my best self and to do my best work.  So eager for that room.  There are still some hurdles ahead but almost there.  I am hoping that I will be super resistant to filling up my calendar this summer with stuff just because.  I want wide open spaces to be more than just a Dixie Chicks song.

wishing/hoping ::  for flow, abundance, wholehearted, peaceful goodness.     

What about you?  What were your sensational experiences this week?  Please share!

This post was inspired by Teacher Goes Back to School who was inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

If these types of questions are on your mind…

How do I move past my fear to really get at the life I want?

What will it take for me to feel awake, invigorated, encouraged, inspired, focused, clear, committed, and authentic?

When and where can I take some time away from the rigors of my routine to really breathe, think, dream, and plan for my dreams?

Who is someone that I can talk to about my dreams without being laughed at and while begin supported, encouraged, and guided?

What do I need to do to make this year THE year?

…then a Passion. Purpose. Plunge retreat may just be the thing for you.

What is a Passion. Purpose. Plunge retreat? An individualized, one-on-one, in person retreat designed and facilitated by me with your greatest needs, wants, and dreams in mind.  Together, during a pre-retreat Vision Session, we’ll identify what it is you most need in place to move forward on living with passion, purpose, and deep self-acceptance.  Then, I’ll personally design a retreat for you that allows you to creatively and thoughtfully move through your fears and challenges, claim your dreams, and step into the life you are meant to be living.

Rosie has the unique gifts of wisdom, discipline, focus and fun which makes her retreat valuable on every level. I came into the coaching confused and left my first session with clarity, focus, practical plans and a sense that my life contains infinite possibility undergirded by a solid strategy. AND I had a wonderful time! Ruth Pittard, 66 years and starting anew.

On the day of your retreat, we’ll gather at Triple Play Farm in Davidson and awaken your hunger for your possibilities while crafting a plan that leads you to the life, meaning, and courage you desire and deserve.  As you carry out your mission after the retreat, I’ll be just an email, phone call or face-to-face meeting away to offer you support.

A Passion. Purpose. Plunge retreat is for you if you are ready to…  Embrace your passions.  Explore your possibilities.  Have more enthusiasm for life and to recognize what motivates you and makes you happy.  Identify and embrace your authentic self.  Filter out the excess noise that keeps you from discerning what you are meant to be doing.

How do the retreats work?  There are three focus potential focus areas for the retreat.  

The Passion focus is all about empowering you to manifest more joy and happiness in your life, allowing you to embrace who you are and create how you want to live.  We will focus on what you find life giving and create a plan that empowers you to implement those talents throughout your world.

The Purpose focus allows you to claim your mission in life and realize how you want to live it.  You’ll see how your natural passions can yield a mission that doesn’t seem like work and that can be enriching to others.  You’ll discover creative ways for fulfillment in your purpose, even if you aren’t able to wholly dedicate your professional career to it.  You’ll have a sense of what you would like your legacy to be.

If I could describe my PPP retreat experience in one word, it would be REJUVENATING. Rosie has a great mix of wonderful, whimsical enthusiasm and specific, organized planning. These came together to create a plan for my upcoming year that excites me and challenges me. It’s no longer a clump of vague ideas wrestling with each other, but a set plan that purposefully moves me forward and offers many opportunities for growth and new experiences. It was great to talk about my desires and hopes and have someone listen and forge them into something attainable, someone to remind me that a lot is in my hands – for one, how I face and treat each day. Having Rosie as a mentor is refreshing and life-giving. From the food provided to the exercises of discernment and planning we did, I felt taken care of and listened to. It was great to be able to step back from my assumptions of what society thinks I should do with my life and think about what I actually want to do. No matter where you are or what you’re looking for in life, Rosie will provide a safe space and affirming ways to go forward. You won’t regret a PPP retreat. Claire Asbury

♥

If a Passion. Purpose. Plunge retreat feels like exactly what you need or like what you may need, email me at rosiemolinary (at) gmail (dot) com  and we can talk over email or set up an introductory phone call to see if it the retreat is the right thing for you and if we’re the right fit.

The prices are as follows…

Half-Day Retreat (5 contact hours):  $450

Full-Day Retreat (8 contact hours):   $700

If you are eager for your own rejuvenating experience, be in touch.  It would be my great honor to partner with you in realizing your possibilities.