There are questions I love to ask myself.
What do you need right now more than anything else?
What feeling do you most want to have?
When I recently asked myself what feeling I most wanted to have this summer, the answer came in a flash: Savor.
So that is what I have been doing or putting myself in a position to do these last few weeks.
I am making smaller daily to do lists.
Saying no to opportunities that are good and interesting and important but not quite right for this moment.
Listening more closely to what needs a yes from me.
When Happy tells me that he doesn’t mind if I sit down beside him for a second of his quiet time (which is usually sacred, hallowed ground of being by himself), I don’t hesitate. I sit down next to him for as long as he will let me.
I reach to hold his hand every chance I get because I don’t know how many more hand holds I’ll get.
I have left the hammock in the backyard, even if the constant rains soak it, so I can go to it when it beckons because I know that if I put it away, I will be slower to get it back out.
I am sitting on things, mulling things over, not overworking or overengaging absolutely everything (just some things).
I am putting away my phone, putting the laptop to bed before I need to go to sleep, unplugging.
I am reading in the middle of the day for a few minutes.
Listening to the wind chimes.
Lingering over the taste of the blackberry or strawberry or grape or apple that I am eating.
I am writing down my questions.
And not forcing myself to hurry up, fast, find the answers already.
I am sipping hot tea and hot chocolate and ice cold water.
I am drawing in my journal. With markers. And pasting things.
I am sitting down on the paddleboard and just floating for a bit.
I am watching clouds drift and remembering a short story I wrote in high school about a girl who lost her best friend and tried to spot him, talk to him, in the clouds.
And speaking of high school best friends, I am taking the time to reconnect with one who is hiking the Appalachian Trail. We talk about sea lion’s breath and favorite songs and books. It is just so simple and also complex. Like the conversations we had more than twenty years ago.
I am answering every single one of Happy’s questions, even as they come at me like machine gun fire, like a downpour, like a never ending inquisition.
I am picking new recipes out every week and exploring new tastes and textures and combinations.
I am taking licks of popsicles; savoring their cherryness or orangeness or the raspberry lemon cherry perfection of a bomb pop.
I am doing ridiculous things like splitting a hot fudge sundae with Happy on a Friday afternoon before dinner.
I am Googling summer book lists and planning which book gets read next next next.
I am wearing stickers on my nose and my forehead.
I am going to the swimming hole even if they call for rain because four year olds don’t understand weather forecasts and so if it isn’t raining, we should be at the pool. And getting my hair wet even if I didn’t really want to make my curls battle the humidity even more.
I am booking the babysitter for weekend nights out with BF.
I am letting myself be mesmerized by the lightning bugs flashing in the dusk.
I am savoring these days as much as I can because time passes like lightning, like a river crashing away from its source and I don’t want to look up and say “where did it go.” I want to look up and say, “that was good.”
What are you savoring these days?
What feeling do you most want to have for this current time in your life?