Life and living the list

So, if I am completely honest, blogging right now feels so hard.  There are these words that I want to have about what has happened, what we are going through, where we go from here, but they are, as my thinking sometimes does, coming in little fits and starts in between the feeling of it all, the being in it all, the horror of it all.

I range in emotion from (and these are direct quotes), “This is just crap” to “We have to choose to keep shining, to keep offering our light, because that is the only way we can move out of this darkness.”  So, yeah, I, like probably so many of you, am on a continuum right now.

I wanted desperately today to already have my words.  But I don’t.  So I am sending out love and light and grace and hope, not for the words but for the world.

Since it is December 18th, one month after my 39th birthday, and 11 months before 40, I thought that I would take a minute to look over my birthday list and see where things stand (I will say that living intentionally and compassionately never felt more urgent than after Friday’s tragedy.  On Sunday, Happy and I baked and decorated cut-out sugar cookies.  There was a moment where I just wanted to fuss at him for making everything so much harder than it had to be and then I thought, “how dare you.  How dare you be put out because baking cookies with a four year old isn’t easy.”  And with that intentional realization, everything shifted.  Perspective is a powerful thing as is intention.).

So far, off my birthday list of 39 things, I”ve crossed off:  take my birthday off, make a personal vision board, make a professional vision board, get a hot stone massage (in fact, I have another one scheduled!), and do something from Pinterest (Happy is getting one new book every night in the countdown to Ethiopian Christmas on January 7th.  We started on December 1st).

By my January update, I should also have scratched off: get a facial and start the You are Special plate tradition.  I’ll also have some work done on some of my multi-part items like try 12 new recipes, read 20 personal/ professional interest books and read 20 for fun books, write 39 general life thank you notes (I’ve written 2 so far), take at least 20 yoga classes, and take at least 20 Pilates classes.

How are you doing?  What’s helping you get through this time?  What’s on your mind?

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