nothing prepares you…

Nothing prepares you for the emotionally painful part of parenting.  For when life is hard for your little one and you cannot just inhabit his body and make choices that would make it easier.  For the worry that accompanies you even when he’s sleeping, or playing thoughtfully next to you, or in your arms crying, or laughing a full belly laugh.  Nothing prepares you for the metallic clang of panic when something is wrong.  For the sadness that because life started so hard, it will always be a little bit hard.  For the reality that wounds don’t just go away with bottomless love (wounds build character, you  know, but what happens when you are at a place in your life where you can’t yet embody that character, you can just embody the wound).  You can navigate it, yes, and that’s what is done everyday, thoughtfully, passionately, carefully, intuitively.  But, still, sometimes, when you are alone, when it is okay to feel what you feel, the sadness of it, the energy of it, the overwhelming nature of it catches your throat.  And you understand that this feeling, this fear edged with worry edged with love will be with you for the rest of your life.  And the vastness of that, that love, of what it looks like and feels like, astounds you.  You will walk this world, you realize, for the rest of your days with every nerve ending bared, hoping against hope that you are enough parent to keep the sensation from being too much for your beautiful child.

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2 responses to “nothing prepares you…”

  1. Rosa

    Wow what a powerful profound beautiful inspiring yearning heartscape!!!Thankyou Rosie!!xxRosa
    Here’s 2 adoption quotes that i have kept
    It is a colorfull litany that winds toward me from the horizon like a road across a dry rocky desert…And the road ends in my arms at my own oasis -our baby son.

    …………A grafted tree. Magnificent to behold……………..
    …………..One of a kind Contrary to nature………………..
    …………Luxuriant leaves and intricate roots………………
    …..Loaded with horticultural challenges to a gardener………..
    …but ultimately yielding a tree with unparalleled beauty……..
    ………The adopted child. Magnificent to behold……………..
    …………………One of a kind…………………………..
    …….Biological features often contrary to yours…………….
    ……..Intricate roots that need to be healed………………..
    Loaded with behavioural challenges for parents
    but ultimately yielding a life with unparalleled beauty.

    Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
    by Sherrie Eldridge

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